Dentists and doctors

Matthew went to the dentist for the first time this week. He did really well. I was afraid that the dentist would yell at me for still allowing him to have his pacies but he did not. We are at least thinking about starting to get rid of them, that has to count for something right!
I went for my 6 week check up in Grand Rapids yesterday. I am officially 54 pounds less than when I began this journey on December 3! One discouraging thing is I have been really nauseous alot and throwing up too much. I know, TMI! They think I may have a stricture, which is a narrowing of the connection between the intenstine and stomach. So, even less food can get in. Now, I know this will sound weird but part of me doesn't mind it, the nausea and throwing up. I have grown use to it I guess. But, I also know if I keep it up I will end up malnourished and bald! Not a pretty picture! So, they will go in next week with a scope and blow it open a little further. I of course asked what happens if they make it too big? Apparently that doesn't happen. I am just hoping it makes eating a little less awful and I can continue to move on but in a healthier manner.
This weekend is pretty quiet. Jeff is of course working today. Tonight our nieces are coming over for a movie night. Tommorrow we have nursery duty and then I am going to our high school's production of "Thoroughly Modern Millie " with some friends and out to dinner.
Hope your having a great weekend!
S

Getting so big

I was looking at pictures of the kids today and I can't believe how big they are getting. Caroline will be 16 months old next week! Where has the time gone!? I still think of her as being a newborn. Matthew is getting so tall..he has such a big imagination. I think we played baby Jesus and Moses all day! This morning he said to me, "Mommy, tell me about Jesus and the Bible" too cute! My mom thinks maybe he will be a pastor. Hmm..can Pastors have really bad tempers???:)
S

The walls are closing in on us...

Do you ever feel like that in the winter? When I was younger I couldn't wait for a snow day so I could sleep in, watch tv and hang out with friends. We are currently getting a mix of snow and ice, nice! I am eagerly looking forward to Spring! Here are some pictures of the kids in the their favorite spot, the basement toyroom.
S

I hate tax season

My mom always said you should never hate anything...ok, I really, really, really dislike tax season almost to the point of hate! hee hee! I use to say that to her all the time! Saturdays are a real struggle for me. The day drags on and on and my patience begins at about -9 so that isn't good for me or the kids! Today we went to Lowes to buy some new doorknobs. Our laundry room knob isn't opening and its a real pain b/c we keep it closed otherwise Caroline gets into things in there. That girl is obsessed with shoes. She just like collecting them and carrying them around. Anyways,Matthew is having a very off, naughty day so I should have known better than to venture out but sometimes I just need to get stuff done. I wish we could replace all our doorknobs,they are quite dated, but we will start with two and go from there. I had a giftcard that I thought had over $30 on it but apparently one of us used it b/c when I went to check out it only had a balance of $2! So, what I originally thought was going to cost$25 ended up costing over $50. Mr. Budget..aka Jeff will not pleased about this. He seems to think a little WD40 would have fixed it..whatever! Jeff is such a procrastinator when it comes to fixing and doing household stuff so I had to take matters into my own hands!
Tonight Jeff is going out with some friends. He needs to! That poor guy never gets out and working two jobs essentially right now has to get old. I have to remember that and not wollow in my own "poor me" attitude. There is nothing poor me about my life!!
Tommorrow we're going to a Super Bowel party. Matthew is going to help me make a chocolate cake..he loves helping. Its pretty cute.
Hope your enjoying your weekend!
S

Tubies are in

Caroline's tubes went in yesterday morning without a hitch. She wasn't very happy in recovery but that was to be expected. That, in addition to the nurse who kept trying to talk to her, which only resulted in her screaming harder. I wanted to say,"Listen lady, I know you mean well but backoff she associates you with feeling crappy." She did calm down much quicker than I thought. They gave her two graham crackers which she held in her little chubby fists and wouldn't let go for anything. Jeff was off the whole day which was nice because she did have quite the whinney afternoon. Today she seems to be happy and hopefully on the road to healthier!
Last night my fellow Steering committee members from MOPS and I went over to a fellow mom's house to make NO HASSLE MEALS. Basically, its like Super Suppers but you do one of the prep jobs at your house and bring it with you and then you all work on different meals. I made five different meals plus five for my girlfriend in Lansing who is on bedrest. Her husband travels here and is picking them up tommorrow. It was alot of fun and now I have homemade meals at the ready!
Prayer request, the murder trial I have referenced is going on right now in Chicago. My mom called yesterday to say that our friend was traveling down to Chicago to support her son who is testifying today and tommorrow. Her son's name is Bob and he really needs our prayers. He has really declined mentally since this all occurred two years ago and really needs to feel the comfort and guidance of Christ. Thanks!

S

Forsaken

That word has been heavy on my heart the last two days..no, I don't feel forsaken. I pretty much feel the exact opposite of that. But, I keep having interactions with people who are really struggling to find hope and God in the midst of their struggles. One of these people is our good family friend who has been through so much in her lifetime but especially the last two years( four of her family members were killed by another family member, her husband gambled away her life savings, cheated on her and she had to declare bankrupcy and got a divorce) to name a few. Her son died a little over ten years ago from a rare brain disease and she has been through many other awful trials.
The other women is a new member in my Beth Moore Bible study. She is in her late 40's
unemployed and really struggling. The first time she came a few weeks ago she mentioned how she doesn't feel like God cares about her. It was heartbreaking. We have all been praying for her but last night she was perhaps one of the most desperate people I have ever seen. Our leader asked a question of her about the lesson and she just started sobbing,saying how she didn't finish the lesson b/c she is so overwhelmed in her life and wishes she was dead. I use to work as a suicide crisis counselor and that is a huge sign of someone in a desperate state. We prayed for her right then and there. We tried to reassire her that God has not forsaken her, that He so deeply cares. When we broke to go to the main group, I felt such a need to speak to her privately so I pulled her aside and said straight out..."You wouldn't really hurt yourself would you?" She kind of reassured me she would not. But, since I don't know her really I told our group leader who is also a friend that we definetly needed to follow up on her. As we headed to group I added a prayer that Beth Moore's message would speak directly to her. Wow, did God answer and in mighty ways! We are studying the Israrelites and how they acted like fools while Moses was up getting the Ten commandments and how God told Moses he wouldn't be going with him to the Promised Land. Beth spoke so powerfully of Moses and God's interaction and how God did, after some discussion agree to go with Moses and everyone else to the Promised Land but how from then on he would no longer let Moses see his face, that His face would be hidden and God would shield his eyes as He passed by and only then would Moses see his back. She said that sometimes in our darkest moments, God is really just shielding our eyes but He is there in our prescence and how once you've experienced that you wouldn't trade it for anything..(even all the milk and honey and angels to guide you!)
When I came home I just felt so strongly the need to continue to lift these ladies up to God and felt like I was pleading with Him to make himself known to them, that they would feel in His presence.
Why am I writing about all of this? I am not sure, it was on my heart and mind and I guess I want to know what you fellow bloggers feel about feeling forsaken, anyone?
S

Pics

Here are some pics from the weekend. I get so frustrated trying to get Caroline's pics. I grabbed and her took the one of her and me myself b/c she wouldn't cooperate for Jeff when he tried. The other one of her is when I found her thumbing through my Bible Study notebook this morning..a future Bible studier!!

S

Sundays

Well, anohter weekend is coming to an end. I survived yet another Saturday without Jeff around and it went by pretty fast. Jeff and I then went to play our monthly euchre game with the neighbors, it was fun. This morning we went to church and a music ministry from Indiana Wesleyan was there. They were all freshman and sophomores in college and they looked SO young to me! When I mentioned this to Jeff he was quick to remind me that we graduated from college over 10 years ago! Am I really that old? They all gave little intros about themselves and I couldn't help but reevaluate my own college experience. I never even considered a Christian college. Not to say that if you go to a Christian college your free from temptation and poor choice making, but I have to think its much easier to be surrounded with people who believe what you believe and all the ministries available to you to thrive in your relationship with Christ.
We have decided to send Matthew to Kalamazoo Christian preschool next year. I can't believe how much it is for K-12. I wonder how people pay that kind of tuition, its equivilent to what a year at a state college would cost, for one child! But, I know that many people feel that is what God is calling them to do. I think he will love preschool.
Tonight, after the kids wake from their naps, we are taking them to Chuckie Cheese. Matthew was stuck inside all week from his own illness and then Carolines. Speaking of Miss Squeaky, she made it through the whole time in nursery! Yippee. Our good friends were working in there. We tease Mark, the husband that he has a way with the baby girls in our church. Caroline isn't the first little girl he has managed to keep happy and calm in there. It was nice to enjoy an entire service.
This week is busy between doctor appts for myself,ear tubes for Squeak on Weds, speech therapy for Matthew and playgroups we will hopefully have more fun than the last two weeks!
Enjoy your week..

Stomach flu and 15 month olds

Yesterday was my MOPS day so Barb was here watching the kids. Since I am in charge of the childcare at my MOPS meetings, its just easier. When I got home I thought she seemed warm. She had a fever that despite motrin continued to climb. I thought or I guess I should say I hoped that it was an ear infection because I so badly didn't want her to be sick with the stomach flu. She didn't sleep all day and she was so listless that I ended up putting her to bed before 5. After I put Matthew down I went in to check on her and she had gotten sick ALL over her cribby and her! It was the saddest thing I have seen! Thank goodness Jeff had gotten home right then and helped me strip her and her bedding. I bathed her and brought her down to lay on me and as it turned out..puke on me 2 more times! Thank goodness for junkie towels!! We put her back down at 11 and he didn't get sick again. But, today she seems to be gripped with the same horrible stomach cramps Matty had earlier in the week. She has spent more than half the morning crying hysterically in alot of pain. Matthew is literally bouncing off the walls since he has been home for almost a week straight!
I called Jeff and pleaded with him to come home early so he can maybe entertain Matthew while I care for my little sicky. Poor litle girly!

S

Allergies

I am not sure if I posted before about Caroline and her peanut allergy. Last week I gave her a prepackaged peanut butter cracker. Soon after, her lip started to swell and then her left eye. It went away with some Benadryl but we took her in for a allergy test. I just spoke with the nurse at the ped's office and it seems that she is allergic to a number of things including most nuts, eggs,wheat,soy and milk. Some are worse than others. The eggs and nuts were the worst. She was suppose to go to the allergist today but wouldn't you know it she has a fever. Did I mention how sick I am of winter and sickness!!? I rescheduled her for the 18th of February with a doctor who our good friends have taken their son to see. Poor Caroline. Jeff and I often joke that she is pretty needy and high maintance. I can't help but think all these factors, ears being clogged with fluid, can't see, food allergies, etc all maybe influence her moods and make her grouchy. We love her to bits and bits and just want her to feel good and soon! On the plus side, she has slept from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 am straight the last two nights! YIPEE

S

Beth Moore

I have started a new Bible Study by Beth Moore called, "A Women's Heart". Its about the Israelites wandering in the desert and the tabernacle. Its AMAZING!! I love listening to her and really feel like each week she is speaking directly to me. Many women have told me that her Bible studies are intensive and take a lot of time. I was in BSF for three years and that was equal to if not more work so it doesn't really bother me. One of things that she said last night that particuarly struck me was the symbolism of the manna that the Lord provided for the Israelites and the meanings behind it even in today's world. Beth said that the manna was available daily in the early morning and then it would evaporate. So they had to get up, physically go out of their tents and get it. She related that to how we need to be with our Lord, for our portion everyday. We can't think we can go to church on Sunday and store that for the whole week, it won't be enough. Just as the manna that the people took that was more than their portion began to rot, so will our spiritual lives. Another profound point that she made was how some people needed more than others but everyone had what they needed. Beth referenced a time when her good friend lost her year old to cancer and how Beth couldn't understand how she could get through it,how she could handle it with such grace. She said God kept bringing her back to the story about the manna and how He does provide grace based on your need. She was in awe of how her friend go continue to live and go on despite what she had suffered. She emphasized that a strong, daily faith will get you that grace and through those times.
I just want to shout out "AMEN SISTER!" over and over again during her lecture! I am so glad I followed God's prompting and have started attending this! If you have never experienced her I highly recommend her!
What else is new? I have now lost over 40 pounds. I am able to wear clothes that I couldn't wear since before I got married to Jeff..yipee. The eating part is still not the best. I am able to eat lunch meats now, tuna, chicken salad, eggs and crackers. But, I still look at eating like its such a chore! Its like I wake up and think.."Eesh, I have to eat, I am not hungry at all, what high protein food can I manage to choke down?" I have to say that I don't miss the guilt that was a daily part of my life when I ate poorly and then vowed to "be good" the next day. It will get easier over time and since the surgery I don't obsess over food which is glorious and so freeing.
S

More sickness

Well my healthy boy seems to have caught some type of the stomach ickies that have been making there way through west Michigan! It all began early Sunday morning when he woke up and said "My tummy hurts mommy, take my tummy out." Too cute by the way! He layed low most of yesterday wanting to snuggle with me or lay on his "couch bed". I had a baby shower to go to last night but Jeff said he had a bit of an appetite and seemed that he may be on the mend. He slept all night but this morning was the punkiest I have ever seen him. Totally lathergic, glassy-eyed and listless. He slept for another hour on the couch and then did perk up a little. He ate some toast and water and his energy is slowly coming back. He hasn't thrown up and I hope it stays that way! I also hope Caroline dosen't get it! That little girl is on my list! We finally put her in "bedtime boot camp" which means she no longer gets a bottle ever, especially in the midst of the night and we don't go to her when she cries in the night anymore. It was just getting ridiculous! She is hanging tough though! She usually wakes up anywhere between 2-4 am and cries off and on for over and hour! Last night she woke up I was a little worried that she may have gotten sick herself so I sent Jeff in(she seems to be less dramatic for him!). She was fine but man was she miffed when he put her back down. Her cries seemed to say "GET BACK IN HERE MR!!!"
Moderately funny for 2 in the morning!
S

Its a blogging kind of day

That is how I am feeling today. Nothing on t.v right now and I forgot to blog about my answered prayers concerning my church issues. I went to a different church last Sunday and ironically they were just starting a series on "Just walk across the Room" a series Bill Hybels did at Willowcreek while we attended. They had a guest speaker from another church and he was an awesome speaker. It was interesting to see his take on what I remembered Bill having said a couple of years ago. I walked away feeling like I learned something valuable but didn't feel this overwhelming "This is where we should go" feeling. Not that I was expecting that. It surely takes more than one visit! But, all week, it was heavy on my heart, this conundrum! I was prayerful in seeking out what God wanted me to do as a next step. At my new Bible study on Monday, we had an excercise where we had to write down something that was heavy on our hearts down and I wrote "church" down. Then, on Weds morning, our assistant Pastor called to see how I "was". I said,"You mean physically? " Because I assumed he was calling b/c of my surgery. He said yes that and generally. I was literally walking out of my house so I asked if I could call him back. When I did, we had a great conversation where I disclosed alot of my frustrations and for once someone was accountable! I then candidly asked him if someone had told him what I was feeling and he said no that God had just layed it on his heart to call me! So,I took that as a sign to stick it out. I feel and for the record, Jeff also feels good with this decision! I really want to make it work there, it does feel like home in many ways. So we will see !

S

Scream, snuggle..repeat..

That is how I feel my life is these days when it comes to dealing with the kids. I start out with the best of intentions and then it all seemingly comes apart. Usually by 8am!! Part of my problem is that Matthew really resists change..what two and half year old does?! But it seems like whenever we are having to leave a fun time like yesterday at church, where we met some friends for a playdate, he completly freaks out. Thank goodness for friends who will hold your one year old while you scoop up your screaming, out of control 2.5 year old to the car! Usually by lunch I have had it and when he does the next irriating thing I lose it! Then,I feel bad for not showing him how to be calm when your feeling frustrated I snuggle him up and apologize for losin g it. But, inevitably, it all happens again. So were on this merry go round of out of control behaviors and parenting. UGGH!
Plus, I am not able to eat much of anything right now. The night before last I was awoken with such a sharp pain in my stomach I contemplated waking Jeff up to go to the ER. It passed but I can't manage to eat much so that isn't good. I guess I will have to call the doctor on Monday.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend...a screaming Caroline calls!
S

Before I was a mom

Before I was a Mom

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important an d happy.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,

the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

More Squeaky issues

Poor Caroline can't catch a break! Yesterday after her nap I gave her some of those orange peanut butter crackers. She has had peanut butter before without incident. Soon after I saw that her lip was all swollen and then her left eye was all red and swollen. I gave her a dose of Bendryl and called the ped office and spoke with a nurse. It was about four o'clock so we had plenty of time to see if she had any difficulty breathing before bedtime. Thankfully, the Bendryl took effect within a 1/2
hour. Of course I checked on her during the night too to make sure she was ok.
So, this morning the nurse calls back to check on her and to let me know that the ped wants her to have a blood test for allergies and to go to an actual allergist and for us to pick up a script for epipen juniors incase she is ever exposed again b/c apparently with peanut allergies the reaction can just get worse and worse each exposure! That stinks!! I swear that little girl has been to more specialists than most adults.
We had a fun morning. We went to the mall for a haircut for Matthew, lunch and a carousle ride..Matty's favorite! Jeff is working tonight..boo hoo!
S

More pictures

Here are some more pictures that I finally downloaded from Christmas until now..
I have decided that I really stink at taking pictures..I think I need class!
S

Caroline and her glasses

Here are some pics of Caroline and her new glasses. She has been tolerating them much better than expected. She went about 2 hours and then took them off. I hear her now up from her nap so we will try again for an afternoon run!
S

NANO NANO

I just have to blog about this...I love, love, love my new NANO Ipod. Its made me such a happy, happy girl. The iTunes store for me is like being a kid in a candy store. Downloading songs from days gone past. I have forgotten about a group that I loved in college called Jackopierce. They have one song in particular that I highly recommend for fellow nanoers called Vineyard. My playlist of downloads is about as random as can be which for those of you who keep up with this blog know is totally me!
I am off to try a new Bible study tonight, its a Beth Moore called "A women's heart". Its much more in depth than what I have been doing but I think I need a little more depth. Speaking of random, tonight one of my favorite shows are on..Jon and Kate plus 8. I love that show! I love Kate and Jon totally reminds me of Jeff.
Finally, Caroline's glasses came in the mail today. She was already in bed for the night but look for pictures tommorrow!
S

Prayer Warriors take note

I know many of you in bloggerland are faithful and devoted prayer warriors. I take so much comfort in that when I need prayer for something specific. My sister in law just emailed this prayer request that she received from another mom in her mom's group. My brother and his family live in Alabama so I assume this little girl does too. Their story touched me deeply. Please pray for them and pass it on...

Thanks.

S
Hi MOMS,

I have a prayer request from Kona Romans. It is for a friend of hers who is going through a terrible time right now. Her 7 month old daughter recently took a nasty fall from a bed and hit her head. During an examination to make sure she was okay, it was discovered that she had a crack in her skull and fluid around her brain. Unfortunately, it was also discovered that she had a tumor in the center of her brain. A shunt was placed in her head to drain the fluid. Here is the latest update from her mom:

So we're home. She woke up the morning after surgery and could hardly breathe because her airways were swollen from the breathing tube she had during surgery. So they put her on steroids and kept us another night just to watch her. We got to talk to the neuro-oncologists and they said that their best educated guess is that this tumor is an Astrocytoma. Basically because it's in the middle of her brain and so deep, it's inoperable. We'll just have to keep doing the MRI's and hope it doesn't change and grow. Otherwise they'll start chemo. But they told us that this is one of those tumors that you can never have a peace about. It's not like if five years passes by and it's remained unchanged that we can start to relax---it can lie dormant for years and suddenly start to grow without warning. And so you go through these emotions....will she live to be 80 years old and never have a complication...or will her sweet little life be cut short by this tumor. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life and I'm not even sure I'm dealing with it anymore at this point...I'm just surviving. I just keep praying that God's will will be done in this situation, but I still beg God everynight---please, just let me keep her. We're just glad that she's happy and acting like a 7 month old should act. We had our first experience cleaning her stitches from the shunt surgery and that was really hard....physically and emotionally. So I'm just spent....just completely exhausted and I have nothing left emotionally. Thanks though for everything.....all of you guys' support means a ton. We'll keep you posted.

Please pray for this family.

Thanks,
Melissa

When contemplating an uncertain future.....Remember what Jesus said:

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Mt 10:29-31).

Ho Hum

Today is rainy and damp and blah! The kids and I got out of the house for the first time in three days so that was good. We ran to the grocery store and to a friends house for a playdate. Matthew was so well behaved which is a nice change! Actually one of the other moms little girls was being a little stinker and I could tell she was really mortified. I tried to convey to her that I COMPLETLEY understand b/c that is me most days, feeling like my child is the worst behaved one of the bunch. But, I have to admit, it was nice to have a break from constant disciplining. Caroline is transitioning to the one nap a day thing which is so hard to get to it seems. She was pretty cranky when we left. Tonight I am going to see,"ATTONEMENT" with some girlfriends. I am excited to see it. Speaking of movies, if you have a chance to see "JUNO" go!! Its so good!! One of the best movies I have seen in a long while. Lots of witty banter! Tommorrow I have to get new tires for the Trailblazer, Jeff is working all day. Sunday, I think he is going to take Matthew to his first real movie, "The Pirates who don't do anything." I hope Matthew is ready, he keeps asking to see it and at home he can make it through a movie, so we will see. Jeff isn't so sure. I am trying to make sure he has concentrated daddy time since Jeff is gone so much during these months,Matthew really starts to act out. This morning he just layed next to Jeff in our bed and snuggled him..too cute. Have a good weekend!
S

Scatter Brain

I was re-reading my last post and realized that I didn't even say that Sarah was having contractions last night that were three minutes apart. Her cevix isn't dialating yet but appparently its funneling, whatever that means? Thanks for the prayers!!
Sue

Pray for Sarah

Good morning bloggers! I just got a call from a good friend of mine who is 24 weeks pregnant with a little boy. She has 22 month old twins who also tried to come at 24 weeks but made it to 32 weeks. I feel so bad for her because now she has to worry about the girls and the newest family member. Please pray that they would get everything under control, the contractions would stop and she would be able to go home and be able to care for the girls and of course that the baby would remain safe and sound and be born healthy!

Thanks!
S

Flat tires, good samaritans and 30 pounds!

Don't you all just love the title of my blogs?? :) Yesterday was my 2 week post op apt for my surgery. Just as I was about to get off of 131 to 196 my tire blew. At first I was in "flat tire" denial, thinking I had just hit a particularily loud rumble strip. Then, i realized my fate, that I indeed had a flat tire, in the middle of the pouring rain, not sure of whether or not we had road side assistance or not. I decided to get off the highway, and made it to downtown GR, in front of the Gerald Ford building where two friendly landscapers readily came to my assistance. I mean, it wasn't even two minutes that had passed and they came up and said they would help me change it. They then proceeded to get soaking wet laying under my car, etc to change it. I was so thankful!! I called to tell the docs office I would be late b/c of it and they were less than understanding. I got a snippy, "Just get here as soon as you can!" Whatever. The doc apt went well, I am now down 30 pounds! I am not getting enough protein though so I have been concentrating on that because apparently I am burning muscle which I don't want. Next week I can have eggs, fish, turkey and ham! Yippee!
In other news, I think we may be church shopping. I have felt this discontent for sometime now but found distractions in the good friends we have made at our current church. But, when weighing the pros and cons, there are just beginning to be too many things that have us feeling like we aren't and most importantly our children aren't able to grow and learn about God with how things are. I have tried very hard to be as involved as I can by leading small groups, organizing young adult activities, etc but I feel like its all lay people, there is no genuine interest from the people in charge to facilitate relationships. I know that the friends I have made will always be my friends because that is just how I am . Once your my friend, you can't ever get rid of me!:) So, we will see. We are just going to start out by having one of us go and leave the kids out of it until we are sure this is what we are doing. So please pray that God would reveal what He wants us to do in this situation.
S

Glasses for Squeaky!

Well, after a long three hour apt at the opthomologist in Grand Rapids the verdict is in. Caroline needs to wear glasses. She is extremly farsighted in both eyes and as a result can't see that well. Her left eye is also lazy, which anyone who sees her in person knows all too well. He reassured me again that she doesn't have any tumors, retinoblastoma or otherwise! Yipee! He and his staff were so GREAT! Very prepared for my busy little girl. She had really had it by the time she actually saw the opthomologist but he made sure he got a very good look at her eyes, despite her constant screaming and protests. After waiting three plus months for the apt, I was glad that they were persistant in getting a good look. I picked out a cute pink pair for her. She was fussing when they put them on her but from what I saw they looked cute. I will post a picture when we get them!

S

Clean house

The whirlwind that is my mom was here for two days..Christmas is now a memory. Of course there is still the bare tree that Jeff needs to take down but who knows if he will ever do that...MR.PROCRASTINATOR! He assures me that it will be done tommorrow night. Matthew has been a crazy,wild, naughty boy the last two days. I am sure my mom thinks he is a horrible stinker! He gets so wound up if he can't get outside and run. I am thinking I am going to have to take him up to church at least once a week and let him run around the gym..or we will both go crazy! Thankfully, Jeff took him to his mom's house today for several hours and dinner. Matthew kept crying that he wanted Grandma Barb and we couldn't take it anymore!! She is the best grandma she always loves seeing her little guy! (at least she seems to!) Caroline and I enjoyed some alone time. She is such a little spit fire too! Her long awaited pediatric opthomologist apt is Monday in GR. I am looking forward to hopefully getting some answers from him on what to do about her little eye. My 2 week checkup with the surgeon and nutrionist is on Tuesday in GR too. I am feeling fine pretty much except all joy has been taken out of food. I actually dread it most of the time right now. I know this is short term and soon I will have variety again but right here in this moment with alot of nausea and freaking out that I am going to lose all my hair from lack of protein I am kind of grouchy. Jeff starts working his tax season job this week so he will be gone Tuesday-Saturday for about a month and then he works two week days and Saturdays from Mid-Feb till April. I hate it!! I so depend and cherish his help with the children. That damn Dave Ramsey and his debt reduction plans!:(
S

TGI08(Thank goodness its 2008)

That is how I am feeling today. After enduring surgery and not being able to eat at just about the worst time of the year to do that, I couldn't be more happy that the holidays are over. I did survive, without too much grumbling. Of course Jeff would probably disagree with this. :) It was much harder at my parents then when I was at home. There was sooo much yummy food around and I found myself definetly feeling sorry for myself. Then I quickly reminded myself that this was my CHOICE and to suck it up! I also commented to everyone how much they eat! I am sure they loved this, but when you stop eating it really hits you how much eating the world does! I jokingly said that I wanted everyone to email me their holiday weight gain.
Happily for the first time in 32 years I am not dreading yet another diet plan. I am on a road to healthier living because I absolutely have to or my stomach will blow out. A little extreme yes, but I have realized over the last month that I consumed so many calories seemingly unaware. I was an unconscious eater for sure. I also feel like I am defintely addicted to the act of eating as this has really made me struggle the last few days. I miss chewing and just eating to my hearts content which usually meant overeating. It will be nice to chew again and feel content sooner and for longer.
Enough about that! The kids are recovering from the Christmas whirlwind. They had so much fun in Chicago. They loved having all their cousins around. Matthew was simply exhausted upon arriving home and fell asleep sitting on the couch. He went to bed at 6:30 and slept till 8! He woke up on New Years with a slight fever and runny nose but seems to be on the mend. Caroline is starting to talk more and more. She says mama, dada, this and that and I swear I heard her say Hi today too. She loves to antagonize her brother but I have to say he is pretty patient with her. They really enjoy playing together lately.
My mom is coming up tommorrow for a couple days so Christmas will soon only be a memory around here. Next week the schedule picks back up and we will be pretty busy again. Jeff also starts working his tax season job...yuck! That means that he will be gone three nights a week plus Saturday! Speaking of my hubby, he got a promotion!! He is now Financial reporting and budgeting manager! This job will give him alot of the experience that will open him up to future job possibilites! He is such a hard worker and deserves the recongnition! The extra cash won't be bad either! :)
S

NO MORE SHAKES!!

If I have to look at another protein shake I might die. Dramatic..a little maybe but I am really struggling lately. I want to be back in the world of real food. And, by real food I mean cottage cheese and baby meat sticks! That is what I am feining for people! One more week to go and I can't wait! So far I have lost 21 pounds which is great. I actually have more than three shirts to wear and I finally able to wear non maternity shirts. So, these moments make it bearable but just bearly:)
Christmas was so fun, Matthew and Caroline are loving their new toys. Our house looks like Toys R Us threw up all over it, but I can't seem to organize anything until after the Christmas stuff is put away,which won't be until after the New Year. My mom, bless her soul, is coming up to do a New Year's clean up! Yipee!
I have enjoyed Jeff being home emmensly! I am milking my recovery a little because it feels so glorious to sleep in a little and not be as much in charge of the kids meals, clothes, clean up, etc. But, tommorrow he goes back..reality! I think it will be nice to get back into a semi-routine although it will be short lived because on Saturday we head to Chicago to visit my parents and siblings who are in town. We haven't seen my brother since last Christmas so it will be nice. Praying people out there, pray that I will make it through this week with some santity.

S

I'll be home for Christmas

Well, after the last post my discomfort continued. To the point where I couldn't stand up straight and I was vomiting. So,I had to go back to the ER in Grand Rapids. Once there I spent five hours in the ER on stong IV pain meds and anti nausea meds. It seems that when they put me to sleep, the put my bowels to sleep too and they weren't cooperating with waking up. This caused extreme pressure and hence the nausea and pain. I was readmitted and treated until this am and released this afternoon. I feel a TON better. Still sore but not like I wish I hadn't done the procedure, which is how I was feeling Saturday night as I was driving with Jeff back to GR. When we arrived in the ER, there were various drunknen DUI arrests and other ER type clientel. I was in so much pain and in no mood to wait. I think they thought I had an attitude,which I did. I was irritated that the nurse kind of made me feel like I should go home when I knew my body was telling me not too. If I am ever in the hospital again,I will follow my instincts! We're spending a quiet Christmas Eve with the kids, I did manange to get the ham and potatoes in! And, tommorrow it will just be the four of us until later in the afternoon when Jeff's mom and Bert and Kim, Wes, Jessica and Allison will join us for presents and more food! Its not bothering me at all b/c I am not hungry. Sure, I kind of miss eating, but not as much as I thought!
While I was in the hospital the second time,I was on a floor with some pretty sick people. It made me so thankful for my good health and abundant blessings. Enjoy your blessings!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
S

Alive!

I am alive!! Incredibly gassy..but surviving none the less. I wanted to stay another night at the hospital but felt like they were trying to kick me out a little bit. The surgery went exceptionally well, no complications and all was smooth sailing. I have some pretty bad pain right now b/c there is so much gas from the procedure pumped in. That is actually why I am blogging, sitting up and moving around helps alot. I was able to have some liquid food again today. Sugar free Carnation instant breakfast...yucko! After 4 ozs I feel like I just had a turkey dinner with all the works. They want me to work up to 96ozs by Weds which seems nearly impossible. We will see! The nursing staff and doctors were wonderful at the hospital, except for the "hit the road" part. It is nice to be on my own couch too. Thanks for all the prayers! Please continue to pray that the gassy feeling would go away and that the kids wouldn't be too nuts for Jeff.
Thanks!
S

What if you die?

A friend of mine called to wish me well today...at least I think that was her intention. She started out ok then she wanted to talk to my mom who had just arrived in from Chicago. I could tell by what my mom was saying that my friend was worried. Then when I got back on the phone she said she was afraid something bad was going to happen. Now, I understand concerns like that because I am the queen of worse case scenerios. But, I don't think if I felt that way, I would call the person who was having surgery and say that. You have to keep in mind this same friend who when I was pregnant with Caroline told me babies die all the time before there born. Again, this may or may not be true..I don't care when I am pregnant!!
So then my sister called and I told her the story and she said "Gotta love $#%, she is always good for a pre surgery pick me up!" This made me laugh and not start to mentally freak out.
Truth be told I am a little scared...so if your reading this before 7:30 am Eastern time..pray for my peace of mind and oh yeah..that I don't die:) Assuming that dosen't happen I will be back for more blogging before Monday I am betting! Ooops, I am Wesleyan, I am not suppose to gamble:)
Have a good Friday!
S

Seriously...seriously!

Ok, this blog will be random. I just finished reading a story about how Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant at 16. Yes, she is Britany's sister. This type of story disgusts me. So, I will say no more about it.

Only one and 1/2 more days till the big day. I am getting scared a little now at least subconsciously. I have been having really weird dreams the last few nights. Last night I dreamnt that they went to far in with the scopes and severed my intestine and I bled out...nice huh! The night before that I dreamnt that I was never fully recovered and had to be re-hospitilized for months. The thing is I am not afraid. I trust my surgeon and I know he will pray with me before the procedure which is so nice. I am afraid that I will break down like a little baby. And, there is the fear of being intibated. I hope I don't wake up for the tube coming out part. That happened once and its not nice. I am glad I don't have to have a spinal for this procedure. I had one for Caroline's c section and I hated that feeling. I just want to take a nice little nap and wake up skinny:)
The diet is going well...but I am sick of it. I went through some old clothes last night that I had given up on ever wearing and it got me excited! I did come across a windbreaker that I have had since 1993, it might be time to goodwill that bad boy!
My mom comes tommorrow and then early am I am leaving for GR with Jeff while my mom stays with the kids. Keep the prayers coming! Thanks!
I'll update as soon as a can!
SUE

Just one more time...

I finally have figured it out..that is how I look at eating, not eating, overeating..etc. I will admit that after I got weighed on Friday that was my first thought, that I could have a few more "illegal"items before the surgery. I am sure many of you are thinking how could I think that? But if you think about how you eat and then its all suddenly taken away, it drastically changes your perspective. I was naughty on Friday and had some breadsticks and then on Sat I was very good at our monthly card game but still nibbled on green peppers(no dip) and sme crackers. Sunday I threw down the gauntlet once again and am on the strict liquid diet. I can't take the guilt and dissapointment I feel in myself. I do very much feel like this is going to have to be a new way of life for me if its going to be successful long term. Yes, at first I will lose weight pretty much without even thinking, but if I keep my old habits of just one more time I will eat this or that. I will end up back to where I am now. I have to say one of my main motivations is to be healthier but also to give a great big silent.."HA!!" to all those people out there, some of them even friends who love to tell the stories about the people they know who gained the weight back. I feel like saying, "Oh, thanks for that inspiring story and the support!" It really just adds fuel to my weight lose fire and when I think about cheating I think of the "told you so" people and put it right back where it belongs..not in my mouth!
I have a long list of things to do this week for the holidays. I have more presents to buy, finish wrapping, get the kids stuff ready for their various weekend outings. I decided to be a nice wife and went to Meijer and bought Jeff and Matthew some goodies for the holiday. I got a ham and things to make cheesy potatoes for Christmas Eve and then for Christmas morning they will have a breakfast casserole and sweet rolls. Matthew and Jeff love both of them! So, they shouldn't starve!
S

- 9.5 and other news about driving from Kzoo to GR

That is how much weight I have lost in the past week! Yippee! I was so happy to see that and the PA was pleased too. He told me of some patients who have these huge meals the day before surgery. I can't understand that..I mean we're talking about your life here! A week from now the surgery will be done. Yipee!
Tommorrow I am going with my friend Carrie to Josh and Shelly Buck's new property dedication. I am super excited for them! How nice it will be to have a real home to begin this new life they have bravely adapted to over the past almost year! Its back in GR and I am so happy I am not driving. I can't stand that drive..people drive like such IDIOTS! Thank goodness for my PRAY FOR JOSH sticker, its made me a better driver in so many ways. I am not sure if its from living in Chicago for 8 years but I am a very easily irritated driver. Yes, I will admit that my Christianity can go right out the window whilst driving. I have even been know to fly a certain bird, if you know what I mean!:( But, ever since I placed that sticker right smack dab in the center if my windshield I stop myself and think.." Nope, the PRAY FOR JOSH and the BIRD do not go hand and hand, cool it sister!" I am fond of the thumbs up to people who are intentionally irritiating me while driving,it totally throws them.
Caroline went back to the ped again...still has the infection so its tubeville for her. She goes for her consult on Thursday.
Have a good weekend!
S

More Jesus!

Matthew loves a good story. He is really into books and recently has started wanting to "read"them to himself. He is allowed to take a few books to bed with him and you can often find him thumbing through them late into the night..little stinker. Anyways, in the morning, he usually wakes up at 7:30, where as Caroline sleeps till 8, usually b/c she has been up at 4 for a bottle, but that is a post for another time:) We have "snuggle"time for about 15 minutes and Matthew usually takes this time to ask me questions. The usually ones are

Where Daddy go?
Me go downstairs?
Me wake Anna up?
Wheres my pacies?
But recently, I have been taking this special time when its just Matthew and me to tell him about the real reason we celebrate Christmas. A friend of mine and I were talking about how its really easy when your kids are little to get too sucked up into the "Santa"thing. Matthew definetly has been sucked in! We even have an elf, whose name is "Neil" who magically goes to the North Pole everynight to report on Matthew's behavior. Its a cute tradition based on a book called "ELF ON A SHELF" Matthew even picked the name Neil all by himself, which I found hysterical being its not a very common name nor do we know anyone named Neil! So here I am telling Matthew about God and choosing Mary and her and Joseph's travels to Bethelem. Then about the innkeeper and so on.. He was intrigued to say the least. He kept saying "More Jesus, more Jesus!" Its moments like that when I just want to freeze frame him right there in that moment, wanting nothing more than to learn about Jesus. Although he's not convinced on the whole heaven thing. I was trying to explain it in 2.5 year old terms and he said, "Me can't go to heaven, me sick, have a frog in my throat" Thats ok little buddy..as far as I am concerned heaven can have you in 100 years!
In other kid news, Caroline is STILL fighting the ear infections. She is now on antibiodic shots for the next three days and will be going to the ENT! Please pray this clears so she will be 100% for daddy next week during surgery/recovery!
Here are some Simpson Christmas decoration pics !
S

Take that temptation!

Be gone Satan! That is what my mom and I say when we see some food or treat that we want to eat but know we shouldn't. Well, all morning I was thinking that! It was our last MOPS meeting for the year. Since I am in charge of all of the volunteer workers, I organize all the moms bringing in cookies that we then divide up and give as a thank you. So, after 5 days of not really eating, I had that task before me. How did it go? FINE! Praise God! I have to say that its getting easier, especially with the sweets. I really tend to crave the salty, cracker types of things right now. I didn't even cheat and nibble anything! Yeah me:) Who would of thought I could muster some self control. Thanks for the prayers...keep em coming!
S

I miss chewing..

I am sure all those loyal readers out there in blogger land will soon tire of my "liquid diet" rants. I am blogging right now b/c Jeff and Matthew are eating dinner and I think I am in full fledge carb withdrawel. I miss chewing food but I have many more moons before I will chew again. Even after the surgery, its really liquid only, no bars or their version of "spaghetti" for 2 weeks and then around Jan 7th I will be able to start real food again. Its defintely increasing my faith. Each time I feel like I am going to crack I just keep saying to myself.."I can do all things through Christ, all things, all things..ALL THINGS!" I have to say even in these first few days I feel much healthier already. I usually get stomach upset from coffee and from eating crappy these past "last" weeks I had a lot of indegestion. I have had absolutely none since Sat. That is nice.
I have found some solace in decaf tea too. I actually think I prefer it to coffee.
I am just praying that I can enjoy my week, not fixate too much on this part and just keep my eye on the prize.
Later...
S

Migraines

I haven't had a migraine in about 8 years. The last time I had one was when I was working as a victim witness assistant for the State's Atty's office in Chicago and was dealing with horribly tragic events on a daily basis and an awful work enviornment. But, this morning around 3:30 am I was awoken to such a brutal headache I thought I was going to die. Well, that might be a bit of an exageration. It felt like a vice was aroung my head and that I was going to throw up every five minutes. Thank goodness it was Sunday. Jeff got up with the kids and I slept till 9 then I attempted going back downstairs but the light of day in combination with the kids squeals soon forced me back to a somewhat darken bedroom where I slept for another 2hours with an ice pack on my eyes. I took some medicine too which seemed to help alot.I am feeling much better now just a small headache.
The diet is going ok today. Whenever I start to feel bad for myself I just give my self a stern talking to. Two weeks on an 800 calorie diet isn't going to kill me. Not sticking to it could! Pretty simple!
I think its time for a protein drink...yummy!
S

14 Days

Its going to be a long 14 days on this diet. Thank goodness for FAITH and FRIENDS! Today I went to Grand Rapids with some friends to go Christmas shopping. We went to TGI Friday's for lunch. I made it through, but I can tell you I am not going to anymore resturants until post surgery. Its tough right now b/c I am really hungry and haven't hard core dieted in awhile so my self control is way out of practice! Shame! Shame!!
I thought I would blog awhile to take my mind off it! It was nice seeing lots of clothes I eagerly look forward to wearing soon! MOTIVATION at its BEST!
Have a good rest of your weekend!
S

Say a prayer for me!

This is Caroline's request via mommy. I took her back again to the ped and her ears are no better. In spite of being on a new round of antibiodics, they just don't want to clear up! They switched her meds again and if that doesn't work she will have to go to the ENT for a tube consultation. Matthew got tubes in when he was 11 months and it honestly was the best thing for him. He is markedly healthier now. I just feel so bad for my little sweetie being sick for almost 2 months now. She cracks me up though because despite being sick she managed to gobble down an entire cheesburger and fries! She has such an appetite always!

Tommorrow I go to GR for a pre op appointment and Saturday the dreaded LIQUID DIET begins! I am going out with Jeff to his office work party and then out with some neighbors after that which should be a lot of fun. Saturday, me and a few friends are going shopping to GR. My plan is to get all my Christmas shopping done. I am running out of time!

S

Back in 2007

I finally downloaded some current day pics from Thanksgiving till now. Today while Caroline took her am nap, Matthew and I went out in the snow. He loved it! He bawled when I finally had to fling him over my back like a sack of potatoes whaling! Caroline has reached the age of getting into everything! I think she may be giving me more of a run for my money than Matthew did at her age!!
S

Pictures from the past...

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Yesterday we got CD rom with all sorts of Jeff's dad and his side of the family from way back in the day. For those of you who read my blog but don't really know me, Jeff's dad died when he was eleven from a heart attack. Jeff has some memories but his memory generally stinks! I guess that is one area where we complement each other b/c I have a memory like an elephant! People are often amazed at my ability to recall even the most random details.
Anyways, its so neat to look back at pictures of Roger,Jeff's dad, his mom and dad and siblings. Its so surreal to think that my children are a part of the people in those pictures. I am collecting several pictures from both my side and Jeff's for a "Family Wall" which will be displayed in my living room ...sometime!
So here are a few pics..don't you think its uncanny how much Jeff looks like his dad!! I should scan his senior picture..its almost too much how closely they resemble one another!

UE

The Christmas without any food...

Remember that book, "The Christmas without any Santa Clause" or was it a movie? Anyways, I think I have finally discovered what I has been making me a little edgy, besides the kids, etc. I think that due to the circumstances of my surgery and its date I am already mourning the food that one traditionally celebrates with. In my family, it was a Italian spaghetti dinner on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas day a roast beef dinner with all the fixins. My mom abandons all dieting attempts during the week of Christmas and goes all out with cookies, fudge, chex mix, etc. Then there is all the parties from here until the 21st...TEMPTATION at its greatest, in my world anyhow.
So, I have been contemplating my addiction to food,which I think I can finally admit that I have. Its really COULD be hard, but I am really going to RELY on GOD to get me through this. If GOD helps people through losing jobs, homes, ability to walk, loss of spouses and children He surely can help me CONTROL myself and adhere to the yucko liquid diet. I am actually looking forward,a little bit, to enjoying the people, the stories and the meaning of the Christmas season. Tonight, as I decorated my tree and saw Matthew's excitment it served as a reminder that those memories that we're creating are so much more meaningful than any special food. When I took my special ornaments out of their respective boxes, the memories they stirred had nothing at all to do with eating. They represented people and places and stages in my life. I think I need a blender ornament for this year!!
Happy Festivus!(That is what my mom and I call it during decorating time!)
S

Ear infections

Caroline is still not recovered from her ear infections. She is on a new antibiodic so hopefully that helps. We had to work in the nursery today at church and she was freaking out. I finally just had Jeff take her to the car while I waited for people to come get their kids. Here is a pet peeve of mine, if you have a child in the nursery, COME GET THEM RIGHT AFTER CHURCH! I don't think its my responsibility to watch kids while thier parents socialize. Finally, I had to go get one of the people in the nursery who was in charge to tell her that I was leaving so they needed to find the parents ASAP. I have been so moody, on the edge, etc lately. I am not sure what is going on but I am a little more than sick of myself.
Next Sunday I start my liquid diet for two weeks for the surgery, which I am sure won't do anything for my moods! I think I am going to try and take B complex vitamin. My sister said they help alot with that type of thing!
Not much else to report..Sam's club beckons...
S

Christmas card pics

Here they are...I just sent them off to Shutterfly this morning so I will be sending them out soon. That little bug Caroline never looks at the camera and always looks like she is staring off when we do get her. Don't you love the matching jammies?!
Things are going over here, mommy has been majorly stressed out by the antics of a 2.5 year old as of late. I swear that kid can get under my skin like no one else. We has a playdate today and I know that my friends are horrified by his behavior..oh well, what can you do! ONE DAY at a TIME is my new motto!
S

Crazy kids

How is it possible that a 2.5 year old boy can take up most of the space in a king size bed? It would seem impossible, but Matthew can! We have slept in the same bed the last two nights and man does that kid move alot in his sleep. I do love sleeping with him though, watching his serene, sleeping face and listening to him breath. He is a very deep sleeper, unlike his little sis, so you can snuggle him up and he doesn't even know your there. He has enjoyed his time here thoroughly. He loves playing with his extended family and especially with his Papa. Caroline is on the mend and as a result has been sleeping really well! She has completly turned into a mama's girl though and if she is awake and I am in not in her line of vison she screams..that little girl is silly, silly. Thanksgiving dinner was very interesting. I don't think I really had a chance to enjoy the food . I think Jeff and I shoveled in mouth fulls here and there in between Caroline crying for no reason and Matthew acting naughty and not eating. Oh well, we weren't expecting much from a 2 and 1 year old. It was a very nice day and as I said in previous posts our cups really runneth over in the blessing arena this year, we can get over a rushed dinner. Just hearing Matthew say, "Me no eat that" is worth it! I hope your all having a great time.
S

Go with the gut! and other things..

I wondered if Caroline perhaps had an ear infection. After a sleepless night and an incredibly cranky day I finally decided to take her in since we're traveling to Chicago for the holiday tommorrow. Yes, not only one ear, but both ears are badly infected. Poor baby again! She has been sick all month! She is on Omnicef again, now the trick will be not forgetting it tommorrow.
Good news on the surgery front. I have a date..Friday, December 21st! Many of you are probably thinking that timing stinks, yes, it does in ways but not so much in many others. Jeff was already taking some time off then, more babysitters are available then and then number one reason,if you are on a restricted diet, best to do it with a stomach the size of an egg!:) Many people have asked me how I feel about the surgery? Hmm, good question? I have spent the better part of 32.5 years as a "chubby, big boned, overweight, morbidly obese(ouch), fat" Hopefully, with the help of this tool I will in the matter of 12 months become substanially "less". It will be very surreal to say the least. I liken it to a "healing" of sorts and in that respect I feel incredibly blessed to be given this opportunity. As far as being afraid that something will go wrong, I can honestly say,no I am not. I have complete confidence in my surgeon. I will do my part and he will do his and we will leave the rest up to God, the best hands to be in. I am a little worried about the details about who will be watching the kids, it being a holiday week and all, but hopefully that will work itself out!

S

Thankful for..

Ok,I have kind of a random number this year..9 plus a shout out to God!:)

1. Matthew and Caroline,sure those kids can drive me bonkers, but I cherish that little boy and girl more than words can describe.
2. The kids giggling laughter..contagious and theraputic.
3. Jeff, for all he does for me as a wife and especially as a mother and for who he is to our children.
4. Our small group at church, its connected us in indescribable ways.
5. Our home,sure its never clean but its ours!
6. Wonderful extended family that does so much for Jeff and I and especially the kids
7. My mom's health is better these last few months and today she had her last cancer screening and it came back excellent! Thank you God!
8. That my surgery was ok'd by the health insurance and that soon I will be on my way to a healthier me!
9.Blogging...its very theraputic for me and I have learned more about thankfulness here in this forum than anywhere else!

Above all else..for our God,who loves us so much that He sent His son that we may have an abundant blessed life!
Have a wonderful, safe Turkey Day blogging buddies! Know that I am praying for all of you "regulars". I know many of you are going to have tough Thanksgivings this year and I will be praying that God helps you through it.

S

Cutey Cousins

I can't wait for next week! I love the holidays! I am not too into the whole Thanksgiving food, I can take or leave turkey and pie but I love being with family and just hanging out. This year we're going to my parents in Chicago. My sister and her family will be there. Matthew and my nephew are only 6 months apart and I think they will really get along this year and have fun playing. My niece and I and maybe her mom,if I allow it :), are making a gingerbread house together too! I wanted to start a new tradition and Claire is way into crafts of any kind! Here are some pics of the cousins. Sophia is the sweetie in the Christmas pj's. My mom bought all the kids the same pj's for us to take pics of them all in for her Christmas card pic. My kids wouldn't cooperate at all so I am going to attempt it again over Thanksgiving with my sister's help! Happy Turkey day! Here are some pics of the cousins!
Also, I noticed last year I did a "Things I am Thankful for"..I have been mulling this over and will be posting soon. I would love to see what your all thankful in my comments. How about your top 3??? You can do it!!

S

Pray for Ethan

Its a funny thing, the Holy Spirit...he can find you anywhere if he wants to! I had read a blog awhile back about a little boy who has leukima and was diganosed when he was 2 months old. I didn't follow up on his blog as much as my other "regulars" because, I am ashamed to admit, I sometimes can't handle too many sad ones. I get too wrapped up in it. But, as I read some of my other regulars, his name kept coming up in posts or comments.I felt that intense nudging by the Holy Spirit to pray for him. So, I added him to my regulars. Well, he desperately needs all our prayers! He is running out of options. His parents are so faithful and whole heartedly believe in the power of our God and our prayers.

Its a funny thing, when I first started this blog process I was a total pessimist. Always expecting the worst, always fearing the most horrible to come my way. Now, as I sit here, almost exactly 2 years later and almost 250 posts published by me, I have learned so much about true faith, true prayer. I could write a million sentences about what that looks like for me but simply said..It carries you through..through all things, through all times.

Ethan's website is www.ethanpowell.com


S

Hee Hee Hee

I am sure some of you "blog checkers" were thinking" What the heck does Death by porta potty mean?" It was a well intended blog but Caroline was being a stinker yesterday and I couldn't really justify random blogging in lieu of rescuing a sad little one year old from her crib.

So, here it is the Porta Potty post...
There is a PP right off the exit off of 131 S to 94E. Each time I pass it I think "What if you were in there, taking care of business so to speak and a car crashed into you?" Then, being my morbid self, I took it a step farther and thought" What if that is how you died?" Then I will admit, I giggled at the thought. I think I would be a little embarassed and probably angry if that is how I left this world. Whilst using a porta potty! I have told some of my small group this thought and I know they just chalk it up to strange Sue! This is my mind people..strange at times!:) Ok, all the time!
Unrelated to PP's, my mom was so irritating today. She seems to like to think while she was raising all of us that she never was stressed and always took things in stride. She SO plays the devils advocate, as I suppose all good moms should, but today I was just mildly irritated by Caroline's insesent whining and Matthew's insesent screaming and told her that. To which she replied, "Well, maybe you should be thankful for two healthy children." True ,but sometimes you just want someone to let you have your moment to be annoyed you know! Of course I had to call my sister and leave a her a VM saying"Call me back, mom is so annoying" What would we do without sisters or moms?

DISCLAIMER: My mom is wonderful and caring and did an awesome job raising us. She just never lets you feel sorry for yourself.She still doesn't have blog access but in case she ever does, I have covered my rant with some praise!

Death by porta potty?

Sicky again!!

Poor little Caroline now has tonsilitis and maybe strep throat! She was very irritable the last few days, but she is getting her one year molars so I thought it was just that. Then yesterday and today she was running a fever and her sick eyes returned. A true sign that she was not feeling good.Plus, she was very lethargic today. So, back to the ped office we went. They did the initial culture for strep and it came back negative. But, they are culturing it. The doc said her throat was really red..poor little girl a sore throat and new teeth too! The doctor also asked about her EYE! I really couldn't believe it. I really felt like saying, "Are you seriously asking me about her eye lady? " I told her that its all covered and that the optometrist said if they have any questions call him. I swear I am going to make her a onesie that says, "WE KNOW ABOUT THE EYE! DON'T ASK or my mommy will drop kick you!" Never a dull moment!
Busy weekend for us, tommorrow I am co hosting a baby shower here in town. Then at night we are either going to "LAST COMIC STANDING" at church or out with some of our college friends who are in town for the shower. Sunday, church, although I think Caroline is missing church this week..I swear the nursery is one big petry dish!

S

The Coble Family

I have been thinking constantly of the family in California that lost their three small children in a freeway crash in May. I can't imagine the pain that magnitude of loss would bring. So, last night I googled them and found a link to an article that states they are pregnant with triplets! Two girls and a boy! The lost two daughters and a son. They are due in May and that is when the accident happened. How God is that??

What God wants me to do?

So Sunday night I was a total nutcase! I was pouring over Caroline's photos and convincing myself that she indeed had some type of serious eye issue and or cancer. It didn't help that Friday I called the doctor to get the rest of her lab results and the nurse told me that her results were "basically" normal but that the cancer marker labs weren't back yet. What exactly does basically mean anyways? So, in addition to calling the ped office on Monday, I also called the opthamologist and asked to leave a message about the reflection I often see in her pics. Thankful they both called me back at lunch and the labs were normal and the optometrist put me at ease too! He reassured me that its just her eyes and that if I am seeing the reflection in both eyes its normal. I also asked him if perhaps we should start treating her lazy eye earlier and he was very firm that treating it in the Spring is fine and would not affect her vison negatively in the meantime.
We had LAMBS, our moms small group last night. It was just me and two of my already close friends which was a little discouraging for me. I had hoped that more women would come out for it. But, I am also kind of at the point that I am offering things for people to get connected, if they come great, if not, oh well. As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! We talked about Noah and the Ark and the legacy that we leave on this earth. In the wrap up, the author says hypothetically, that it might have said on Noah's tomb stone, "He did everything God asked of him" and then she asked the readers to think of what type of legacy your leaving to your family, friends, etc. We all kind of joked that we can't claim to do everything God asked of us. But, as I drove home, I wondered what mine would say if I died today. I would like to think it would say"Nice person,good friend,did the best she could" but I think sometimes it would say" Likes to gossip, irritated easily, often mistrusts God" Not at all what I want people to think of me! So, I think I might start asking myself that simple question"Am I doing what God would have me do?"
S

Fall days

Today was wonderful weather..sunny and cool. Jeff and I were suppose to go to the Michigan StateU of M tailgate with a bunch of college friends, but they all day babysitter fees didn't work in the budget! So,we stayed home and enjoyed the day with the kids and did some much needed yard work. It was a nice day!
Caroline ended up not having uti after all, which is a good thing. We never quite figured out what she had. I still think it may have been a reaction to the shots. She is back to her usual self and eating and drinking like normal. I will admit ever since her apt on Monday, I have become reobsessed with her eye. I have to keep reminding myself that if it were something more serious the opthomologist would have caught it! I will feel better after our apt with the pediatric opthomologist in Januaury.

Matthew is up to his normal mischief! He is so talkative now. His new favorite phrase is "Stop that" if he dosen't like what you are doing. He also says, "What happened?" all the time and looks at you expectantly for a full explanation of what indeed happened. One cute story from Halloween week, he LOVED putting on his Buzz costume and one day I asked him where Jesus lives and he gave his usual answer, "My heart" and then I followed up with where is your heart and he said" In my postume" too cute!! He is very sweet and cuddly. He loves to snuggle in the morning. Caroline on the contray..not a snuggler at all but so cute with her curly locks of hair and her cute little buns waddling quickly as she walks/runs with some non-toy, usually the remote which is a favorite toy of hers. She says "mama,dada,no no and I swear I heard her say Matt and Buzz last week. I think she takes after her mother in the talking dept. :)
I should find out about my surgery date in a few weeks. I pray that it all goes smoothly. I feel like its not real like its not going to really happen. I started a new devotional through my Moms Bible study at church. Its a women's devotional guide to Bible. Actually, for those of you who read my blog, its written by Jean Sywersada ,I think I spelled that wrong, but I highly recommend it! She also wrote a Women of the Bible devotional that we did last year that is excellent. Very down to earth,real in her style! Love it! It facilitates excellent discussions too!
A friend of mine, who lost her baby to incompetent cervix at 22 weeks and just found out her mom has breast cancer recently emailed me about needing prayer and feeling frustrated with God. I thought she wasn't even a believer but through her words in her email I think that she is. I am planning on sending her a copy of the devotional to help her through these times and help build her faith. I also told her about some other blogs I read of other people who are going through tough times but still look to the Lord for their strength!
Tommorrow is church nursery and Pastor appreciation. It will be nice to have a night with our church family with positive things going on with all the drama that has plagued us lately!
I heard it may snow next week...yippee!
S

To infinity and beyond

Between the Zoo Boo and the Fall Fest fundraiser for my MOPS group to the actual Halloween day which we spent at our church's Pumpkin Party...Matthew aka Buzz Lightyear had much fun!! Check out his buns in the first pic..sooo pinchable! Caroline, who only made it to the Fall Fest looks less than thrilled! Caroline has recovered from whatever it was that was making her ill,which apparently wasn't a UTI..hmmm! I am just glad she is feeling well again and not having to endure many medical traumas anymore. Although, she now screams and cries and twists her little buns every which way when I attempt diaper changing. This makes changing her now very yucky antibiodic poopy diapers very unfun! Good thing her dimples and curls make up for it!