Grandma Satterfield

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my beloved grandma's death. She died on Halloween sixteen years ago. I realized the other day that she has almost been gone for as long as I had the privilege and honor to know and love her. I learned so much from my Grandma Satterfield. She was honest and wise and lovely. I remember spending time with her discussing her faith and what was important to her. Without a doubt the most important thing in my grandmother's life was her faith. It helped her persevere through some pretty horrific realities  in her life including losing her eldest daughter, Leslie, to cancer at age five. Although the conversations we had about death, dying and suffering happened when I was in high school and college, her insights have stayed with me all these years later.
The holidays have always reminded me of my grandma because she would often spend several weeks at our house over the holidays. I fondly recollect her baking her special recipes and favorite treats that we had grown accustomed to her making for us.
I also remember the "look" she would give us when she was not happy with our behavior or how we were treating our mom. I do remember being irritated by it at the time but now realize that her "looks" always had loving intentions.
My grandmother died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm. Even sixteen years later, I vividly can recall that early morning call from my mother, telling me the news of her death. It was surreal and sad and awful. Her funeral was very fitting for the kind of woman my grandmother was, simple and religious. She was cremated so I never did see her after her death. In some ways that was difficult because I would often go several months without seeing her and I remember the reality of her death took a long time to sink in.  Time and time again I would go to reach for the phone to call her and suddenly the reality of her death would come crashing over me. Waves of grief would over take me and I would feel so very sad that I would never talk to her here on Earth again. I would love to have one more conversation, one more opportunity to soak in her wisdom. Thankfully, I always told her how much I loved and appreciated her. I also find much solace in knowing that she longed to be reunited with her daughter and husband and  I know she is resting in eternal peace with her Savior.
I have tried to honor my beloved grandmother in different ways over the last sixteen years. To live a faith filled life. To remember the importance of family. I named Caroline after her by giving her my grandmother's maiden name ,Carlysle .as a middle name. I tell my children stories of her and have pictures of both my grandma and grandpa in our home. I have often been surprised by how fortunate many of my friends are to have grandparents who are still living today. All of my grandparents, with the exception of one, were gone before I was 20. Still, I would not trade one moment or memory I have with my Grandma Satterfield. I was immeasurably blessed to have such a wonderful women in my life for twenty years.

Snuggles

I was talking to Jaime, Sam's mom, today about how in the last several months Ellie wakes up from anywhere from 4-6a.m. and comes into our room announcing in her gruff little voice, "MY BELLY HURTS!" It doesn't really hurt, that is her ploy for sympathy and in hopes that we will let her crawl between us, snuggle in and go back to sleep. Well I guess I can't really call it a ploy because the littlest Simpson owns us. We let her in every.single.time. It's just too cute and she goes right back to sleep and well, I really don't care. She is three. In light of all of the relatively crappy news we have heard over the last several years  about sick kids, my opinions on things like sleep training have been brought into glaring perspective. Kids  we know directly or though other friends, are struggling with knowing that  their child could die or are enduring horrific medical treatments. Many parents have had to face the horrible reality of losing their child.  My kid is fine. She is healthy and spunky and lovely and you know what?  I am going to snuggle her up every minute I can. Not just because health and life is fleeting but because so is the amount of time I have that my little girl will want to snuggle between her parents. All too soon I know she will have to be pried out of her bed. She will stumble to the bathroom grouchily if she is anything like her mother,  and I may get a "Whatever" if I am lucky. I will take all the, "Me love you best!" and early morning snuggles I can get.  Mostly because I want to appreciate what I have, while I have it, but also because is there anything sweeter than a toddler in the middle of a giant kind sized bed, nose to nose with her daddy?

Caroline age 6

Caroline is turning six tomorrow. I would write that I can't believe that is happening but I feel like I always say that, so I won't. What a girl our Caroline is. I noticed today that she has grown taller and leaner in the last month. She is the pickiest eater I know so I wouldn't doubt if she's lost weight this summer. She is active always loving to bike or scooter around with her neighborhood buddies. Caroline is doing a ballet/tap class and soccer, which she loves. Her favorite part of soccer is, "getting to push people down and steal the ball!" That is such a Caroline thing to say. Caroline is now a kindergartner and so far it is going good. I would love to say it is going perfect but it seems in addition to inheriting my brown hair, brown eyes and distain for mornings, Caroline also got the "frequently disrupts classroom procedures" gene. She has two fabulous teachers who job share and we're all working together to help Caroline understand sometimes you need to just shut your trap:) Of course the teachers are putting it more appropriately! The great news is academically she is doing great and I am thankful for that. I tended to be the kind of kid who never shut up and didn't really care about fractions or how to spell. That combination did not always serve me well! Caroline and Matthew are going to Awana at the new church we're attending and Caroline really enjoys it. She got to take home a special stuffed animal last week and her face was literally beaming with pride. It is moments like that where I realize it's all about finding the right way to motivate her. If she is motivated, Caroline is literally unstoppable. I can't wait to see what kind of person she will become. I have said it before and I will say it again, Caroline knows her mind. She knows what she likes and what she doesn't. She is learning to have more self control and to direct her perseverance in positive directions. Remember when you were little and you wrote your name out and had a corresponding adjective for each letter of your name? I decided in honor of Caroline turning six, I am going to do that.
C: Cuddly, she loves her snuggles. especially when she first wakes up or if she's gotten in trouble.
A: athletic, Caroline is becoming quite the little soccer player and loves to be outside being active
R: realistic, Caroline calls it like she sees it. There is no sugar coating with her!
O: ornate, Caroline loves her bling, her bracelets, her accessories!
L: loving, especially to her little sister, Ellie
I: individual, knows her mind and will let you know what is on it. I don't worry about her following but I do want to help her successfully lead!
N: napper, even now she will try and sneak one in. She loves her sleep and it is the one thing with Caroline where we have no issues!
E: energetic, she loves to learn, to try new things and make new friends!
Happy Birthday sweet girl. We're so thankful to be blessed with such sweetness in our lives!