Wednesday, December 27, 2006

What fun! What fun!

Christmas was very fun with Matthew this year! He had such a good time playing with his cousins! We started in Saturday and Grandma Barb's and then went to my parents house in Chicago on Sunday until Tuesday. My sister and her two kids who are Claire, age 5.5 and Patrick 2 and my brother who has Sophia who is going to be 2 on March 3rd were all there. My parents have a huge basement with more toys than we have! Plus, lots of open space! Matthew would just run and run! He slept so great because he was so worn out! I was sad we all couldn't be together longer! Caroline just hung out and layed on Papa alot! She was really fussy on Christmas night, then she pooped and was out like a light for the rest of the night! She is officially in her crib now! She has been going down for the night at 11 until 4:30 am and then eats and is down again till 7! Not bad!

My parents are heading to their FL condo next week and we won't see them until April. I am bummed! I love my parents so much and miss them if I go too long. My mom and I were talking about how girls are so loyal to their moms but boys basically ditch their moms in favor of their wives. I wonder if that is really true, could it be that Matthew could love someone more than me....NEVER! :)

Here are some Christmas pics! They are of Matthew with Sophia attacking my brother, Michael. Caroline laying on Papa and Claire and Sophia and Papa just chilling out!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Hold them close

I am feeling blue today. I just checked in on a little boy whose web page I have been following for over a year. I know about him through a mutual friend. He is 3.5 and has cancer and they found out today that its progressed. So, basically their Christmas present today was to find out that next year they won't have their little boy. Yet, his mom, keeps her spirits up and is hopeful that God would cure him. I am too, this little boy has surpassed all the time limits the doctors have given him, I hope God has big plans for his life to continue here on earth. Also, little Cameron, who I have mentioned in earlier blogs has had a whole host of new problems come up, nothing life threatning, but his parents are just beat from the host of mulitple doctors and specialists they see weekly and never knowing what issues will come up from week to week.

Through hearing all of this news, I just wish that I could somehow take away the pain these people are feeling. I just feel so badly for them and feel like I wish I could do something. Then I realized, PRAYERS! They so work! Lately, God has really blessed my prayer life with bringing specific people and very specific convictions about these people to my heart. Its an awesome feeling to feel like the Holy Spirit is prompting me on behalf of someone else! So,say a prayer for little Gage and little Cameron and their families. That no matter what 2007 brings them that they would depend on the strengh and peace that only Christ can provide!

Merry Christmas!
Sorry if this is a downer, this is life for these families!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Missing grandma

Its me again, two posts in two days. I am feeling quite accomplished, I just made a batch of cookies and a egg casserole for tommorrows LAMBS food fest! As I was baking today I was overwhelmed with a sudden memories of my grandma and how she would come to visit for the holidays. She would always arrive around the 18th and stay until the New Year. It was always such fun, she would bake, tell me stories and yes, sometimes in those teen years, annoy me with her "look"! The "look" is notorious now with my mom, sister and I. She had this way of saying with one glance, "Knock it off"! So today, as I sat baking I also sat tearing up kind of longing for those days. I know Christmas will be more fun with the kids as they get older, its just that right now it seems like a lot of work and that I am not enjoying it as much as I used to. So, I called my mom and told her how I was feeling and as usually she put in all in perspective. She said that it just changes. That there were things that she missed when she was my age and was starting the traditions with us that are now so cherished to me. That seemed neat to me, that maybe one day, Caroline will get teary thinking about her grandmas and all we did as a family! I mean if you can't make your children cry as adults what kind of parent are you?:)))))
Merry Christmas!


Sunday, December 17, 2006

Accomplishing anything!

So, I blog stalk, I have no shame in it. I figure people have blogs so people can know stuff about them, if they were extremly private people they wouldn't even blog in the first place..right?! Anyways, I have been continously stalking the Hummel blog for so long I can't remember when I started. I am so in awe of what God has accomplished in their lives, in those babies lives. Its so inspiring and makes me want to just tell everyone how God has so blessed them. One of the most inspiring things about their story is that the mom prayed that one day God would give her a story. I am jealous of that because to be honest I would never pray for that. I would be too afraid that it might be something horrible and hard and that I couldn't make it. Then I remember that type of attitude really just shows that my faith is not where it should be. I CAN do ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS me! That means ALL Things, not just the mundane, ordinary things of life. Yet, I still can't pray for a story because I foolishly feel like I would be surrending those things most precious in my life, Jeff, Matthew and Caroline. The irony in it all is that I control nothing and thinking I do is just not having faith. Faith that, despite what lies ahead for me, that I would get through it if I leaned upon Christ and through HIM I would perservere!
Learning, learning, growing, growing!

Friday, December 15, 2006


Yesterday I took Matthew to see Santa. He loved it as he did last year! That kid fears nothing!! He was very well behaved and it was one of those moments that you love being a mom and feel like your the best parent in the world!!:) We're officially in panic mode around here, too much to do and with the weather being so mild this week, I am not feeling as Christmasey as I would like!

Caroline went for her 2 month check up. She weighs 14'4 and is 23 inches long, putting her in the 95% for weight and 75% for height. The doctor said she looks great! We're transitioning her into her own crib. I am sad about it. I liked having her in our room but she really is more comfortable in her own crib. The last 3 nights however she has woken up at 4 to eat and doesn't go back to sleep till 6ish..uggh! The nice part of that is that she is wide awake and super smiley so I have tried to embrace it and enjoy it..heck that's what coffee is for right!!


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Its been a crazy year!

I was thinking today that I can't believe how much our lives have changed in the past year. Last year we had an 8 month old and no immediate plans for more. Now we have a 20 month old and beautiful 8 week old. I have admitted in past blogging to being afraid sometimes of the plans God has for me, I have to admit this past year has been pretty darn sweet. So incredibly blessed!

Here are some past and present pics!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


So here it is, after several attempts with Matthew NOT cooperating at all this is the best picture for our card. Caroline looks a little goofy, but hey she is 8 weeks,she still is a little goofy looking:) We love Squeaky, our nickname for her! I think his smile is cute though!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Christmas Letters

So I have sent out a Christmas letter the past couple of years and am wondering if I should bother this year. Other than Caroline's arrival ,which all of our Christmas card recepients already know about, we don't have that much news. Our lives our pretty much the same as they were last year, except that now we have 2 kids and life is crazier which I assume would be overstating the obvious if I should write I letter. Plus, I hate the pukey ones where people are say things like, " Matthew and Caroline bring us such amazing joy every moment of their lives." Maybe I will send one out that says, " We're shocked Matthew hasn't been admitted to the ER for a serious injury since he has taken to climbing all over everything and never listens to his mommmy or daddy, thankfully Caroline never got the horrid stomach flu that had the rest of our family puking and running to the toliet for days on end!:) Wouldn't you love to get a brutally honest letter. Yes, I think I may be on to something....

Friday, December 01, 2006


Well since my last post the Matthew, me, my mom, our Pastor's wife, my friend, her son and Wes all came down with the stomach flu! On Monday night at 1 am Matthew woke up puking. It was so sad, he was so scared and kept looking at me like, "What's happening?!" Jeff camped out in his room with him to keep me healthy... ha! At 6:30 I started and was sick all day! I am still not feeling good, very queasy and no appetite. Which is good since I started Weight Watchers last Sat! :) Not a diet plan I would recommend though! Matthew rebounded quickly but is now having it come out the "other end" TMI! I swear we haven't been healthy in a month between colds and now this! Thankfully Caroline hasn't gotten it and I am LYSOLYING the crap out of my house in hopes that she doesn't. I wish I could dip my whole house in it. I have been stuck inside for the past week and feel very stir crazy.

Tonight is an office party for Jeff's work and I have a babysitter coming for Matthew and am taking Caroline to grandmas so that should be a nice break. Next week we go to Chicago and hopefully to the Children's Museum so I will post pics from that! Hope your family is not sick and that its not my fault!


Monday, November 27, 2006

Dedications and Flus...eeew!


Well, Thanksgiving went well until Jeff's sister's little boy Derek, who is the same age as Matthew came down with one nasty stomach bug. We all had a nice dinner and then we went home about 7 for Matthew's bedtime. Soon after we left, Derek started throwing up, all over Kim and Wes's house! Luckily, we had the toys that Matthew brought over in a seperate bin, but he was still playing with him the entire afternoon. So we were wondering when it would hit, well that would be Sat night, Jeff started getting sick at 2 in the morning. Right after he fed Caroline, (I wasn't feeling very well early, no flu though)! He was sick all night and all day yesterday which was a major bummer because yesterday was Miss Caroline's dedication. I thought about rescheduling but to be honest didn't want to because we had already purchased all the luncheon stuff:( Horrible I know!:) So, Pastor Danny dedicated her with Jeff's part in abstenia:) We video taped it for him and Grandma Barb and Grandpa Bert because they also got the flu on Sat night. It was a nice day. Crazy and again I realize how wonderful of a father Jeff is. When he isn't around I feel a little crazy. Speaking of one point we lost Matthew yesterday and I totally freaked, I am sure that everyone who was there made fun of me. I thought Allison was watching him and she thought my dad was and in the midst of all of that the little bugger opened the door to one of the sunday school rooms and was hiding. For anyone who has every misplaced a kid, the terror you feel after a few moments is horrible. I knew he was somewhere,I was just worried that he was hurt, that kid gets into anything that can cause permanent damage. Thankful Tanna found him safe and sound. My mom shared a story of one time when she took me to the beach when I was 3 and lost me for like 15 minutes, I had snuck off to the concession stand! Go figure!:) I can't imagine misplacing a kid at the beach!
So, Jeff is on the mend, Caroline is dedicated and Matthew has been found, Mommy is losing her mind:)
Here are some pics from the big day, with Caroline in her dress!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Top Ten Reason's I am Thankful this Thanksgiving:

10. Caroline has pooped everyday for the last four!:)
9. Wonderful, helpful, loving husband
8. Great, supportive friends
6. Great church family
5. Great pregnancy, no bedrest or high blood pressure
4. Being able to stay at home with my kids
3. Loving, fun, supportive extended family, (Jeff's and mine)
2. Matthew and Caroline
1. A God who is so very good!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Some of you might not believe this, but yesterday after posting my woes, I seriously had such a transformation on how I felt about was like everything suddenly clicked and I felt like I was looking at her for the first time. Good thing too because we had a rough evening and night and I think if I wasn't feeling that way it would have been way worse. After spending over and hour crying hysterically, to the point that Jeff and I were going to take her to the ER, she just had the weirdest look on her face like she was in so much pain. She hadn't pooped in a long time again (5Days) and I had given her a suppository, TMI, I know. Well, it didn't work she still hadn't pooped this morning and I felt like everyone was telling me something different. So, I called the nurse and she had me bring her in and her is the 411,

It could be a few different things

1. She just is digesting the breast milk so well that she can go several days without one, this is what several people have told me and the lactation people insist this is all that is happening.
I know that this was the case with Matthew.

2. Her thyroid isn't functioning properly. To rule this out, she just has to have a blood test. If its not, she has to take meds for it.

3. She has something wrong with her colon where the nerves don't work and that part, which is at the bottom and basically gives you the " I have to go" feeling and has to be surgically removed! YIKES!

I went to Bronson to talk to the lactation people b/c she wasn't latching on and apparently I am a milking machine, they were very impressed, Kudos to myself:) They gave me some tips on handling her when she gets testy and when I left I felt much better. I am thinking there isn't anything really wrong with her and am happy that I felt so worried because it reminds me how much I love my sweet Caroline! I also went to my MOPS meeting and am just so blessed by that group!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006



Today at my mom's Bible study I disclosed that I was just feeling not as connected to Caroline as I would hope. I have been feeling so guilty about this. I mean of course I love her more than I could say but I feel more obligated to her than I felt with Matthew. Now of course with your first your able to be more laid back, catch up on your sleep when they do, and just enjoy them more. I feel like I am just now enjoying her. Up until now I have felt like she was something on my to do list. I am sure some of you are thinking I am a horrible mom. But, I have a friend who also has two kids close together and she said the same thing and when I was telling everyone this morning how I was feeling they all looked at me like they understood. That or they were just being nice:)

I have to say that just a few minutes ago, after she nursed, she was so alert and smiling and I felt so in love with her. I guess its just the adjustment, the lack of sleep, the crazy 19month old who has taken to climbing all over everything, the gloomy, cold days that get to me sometimes.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING though and I love Christmas so all is well in the world!


Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Yesterday was Matthew's speech assessment with Kalamazoo RESA. Just as I thought, he is delayed in expressive speech. Basically there are two types of speech receptive and expressive. Matthew can understand everything he sees and we say to him for the most part but can't say what he is thinking and feeling, yeah we know! Now I have something to blame all those tantrums on! :) I knew this was the case but still I can't help but think what didn't I do right, from stupid things like taking the cheapy prenatals to letting him watch too much tv. But, then I remind myself that this is a very common delay and that sooner than later he will start talking. I have to remind myself that my little boy does things on his own schedule. He sat up, crawled, walked, ran, all in his own time. That he is so bright and sweet and even if he never said a word I would still love him more than any blog could ever tell you!

The annoying part of all this is now he has to be tested by ANOTHER speech therapist for them to say for sure that he is delayed at least 9 months and then we will get free therapy. Otherwise we have to pay for it....thank goodness for that emergency fund:) Ahh, kids!

Caroline has also taken to being up and crying from 2-5 am the last three nights. This morning Jeff was holding her and saying how she can't do that anymore and she gave him her first smile! Too cute!


Monday, November 06, 2006

Stupid Blogger

I don't know what happened yesterday, but the pictures didn't post so hopefully these go through.


Saturday, November 04, 2006



First of all, the rush to get Christmas started is ridiculous! They are already playing Christmas songs on the radio..please! We had a fun Halloween. Matthew LOVED it! I thought he wouldn't really be all that into it, but he was! He loved his Tigger costume and trick or treating! Jeff took him to some of our neighbors and then to our church for the pumpkin party.He was a crazy man running around and playing all the games and collecting candy. He kept dragging his costume around the next day and wore it until nap..too cute! I stayed home for the trick or treaters aka way too old teens and adults, I mean really! Some of the teens were asking for specific candy, I about lost it. I had to stop myself from saying,"Hmm here is an idea, if you want a Milkey Way drive your sorry butt to Meijer and buy one, your TOO OLD TO TRICK or TREAT!" but I digress!:) I think I had less tolerance for that stuff this year because Caroline was pretty fussy and I was trying to nurse her and couldn't because of the doorbell and I am hormonal and sleep deprived!

Today we went to the Holiday parade in downtown KZoo with Grandma Barb and our friends Stephanie and Abe and their little girl Josie who is Matthew's age. Matthew was pretty awful the first half until the parade actually started and we started shoving an assortment of candy, goldfish, juice and string cheese down that little buggers throat! He is SOOOOOOOOoo strong willed. I am sure he gets it from his dad.. yeah right! Paybacks I tell you! I know alot of it is normal but gotta say not enjoying this stage at all. I spent all day Thursday crying, it was not a good parenting day at all. Do I get a do over?!

Here are some pics from Halloween and the parade. Caroline was an angel slept most of the way through it all, all bundled up. But she has been pretty fussy all afternoon and evening so I am hoping that means she will sleep alot tonight!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Oh the places you'll go!

I love that book and have been reading it to Matthew almost every night. Sometimes he wants to stop half way through and I will distract him and keep going. I received like 5 copies when I graduated from high school and its not till this point in my life that I "get it". I was thinking about certain parts of it last night because it was the anniversary of my grandma's death today and that book is full of wisdom that she basically shared with me. Sometimes when I am reading it I can't help but think about what Matthew and Caroline may have to face in their futures. What challenges, what "cross" will they bear, what choices will they make, will they get stuck in the waiting place? or find the bright places where the boom bands are playing?, will they play lonely games because they will play against themselves? I pray not, one thing that is great for me in this "infant, rocking stage" is I have alot of time for concentrated prayer time. I have to remember to always pray for my children and their futures! Sometimes, it seems like with all there is to do, my quiet times are the first to go..Not Good!

Random blogging...gotta love it!


Sunday, October 29, 2006

Getting into our groove

Well, Caroline has been here for 17 days and I think we're getting into our own groove. Last Monday was really hard, my mom had gone home, Jeff was at work and here I was,all alone with my kids and I had to do it by myself. But, I realized I am pretty resourceful and its not that bad. Yes, there were times when Caroline had to cry it out for a few minutes while I finished getting Matthew's lunch or changing his diaper but she survived! I am starting to see a personality in Caroline, she is not extremly calm or fussy, she just has moments in between if that makes sense. She is the gassiest baby I have ever seen and let me tell you its hard to believe that a little 10 pound baby can omit such stinkiness! Its killer!! I am always telling her that she is not very lady like. She has this cry when she is super fed up that sounds like she is just so mad,its cute. She is very alert and strong, the doctor said she was stronger than most 3 month old, she likes being on her tummy and sleeps in her carseat as a result, mommy won't let her be on her tummy. She is sleeping 4-5 at a stretch at night, not bad, not bad at all. I love her more and more each day and feel like she has been a part of us forever, funny how that works!

Matthew, oh Matthew. He is still adjusting, still throwing, still hitting. We took him to Chuckie Cheese on Sat, he loved it and was so cute. But, when we left he had a major meltdown/temper tantrum, man did we get the looks. I laughed to myself thinking, "So much for special attention making this naughtiness go away!" I have finally surrendered to the fact that it might take more than 3 weeks for this to all shake out. I think the fact that he can't talk to us really frustrates him, and I am worried about his delay in speech. He really seems to struggle to say words and so he's being evaluated next Monday. You can tell he understands and he signs with us all the time, but even the words he knows are not understandable. Its like he thinks random sounds are words. Like for duck, he says, ahhhhuck. Hopefully the speech therapist will have some tips, insights on how to help him communicate more effectively. I think it would help us all out!

Jeff and I are doing good in this transition. Once again, he is so helpful. Like,this am, he took Matt downstairs and Caroline and I slept in till 9:30! Of course he wakes up like 5 times a night thinking Caroline is trapped in our bed, so annoying. I have to keep saying, "Jeff, Jeff, wake up, she is in her bassinet!" We could never cosleep, Jeff would definetly have a heartattack!

I am just trying to enjoy this baby stage, the potato sack wearing, sleep through anything, smooshy face, cross eyed phase of Caroline's life, because although we never say never in the Simpson family, I am pretty sure Caroline is our last child and I know that sooner than later she will be a toddler and I will miss her like she is now. This is the mantra I repeat to myself over and over at 4 am when little Miss is "squeaking" and I can barely keep my eyes open!


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I have 2 Kids!?


Well, I have almost offically made it one week! Its gone pretty well, Matthew is adjusting....SLOWLY! He is defintely acting out, throwing things, hitting, not listening. That has been the hardest part. I can honestly say with the "duties" that come with having an infant, like getting up alot at night, breastfeeding till your boobs feel like they are going to fall off, I know TMI, being tired, its all worth it when you hold that warm little body close to you and think of all that had to go right to get them there. What a miracle! I probably sound like a total sap, but with all I have heard from my friend's sister whose baby girl Avery became an angel before she ever made it here on earth to the Hummel triplets, (Blog Stalking:), to little baby Cameron who is doing so well despite all he has faced, I am just so thankful to have my beautiful, healthy baby girl here, just as I am sure all of the babies mentioned above parents are grateful that God chose them for parents of their miracles.

My mom will be here till Sat and I know I will have moments of complete chaos after that, but today I reminded myself that its a season, that it won't last forever, and there are so many more parts of this baby time that I wll miss when this season has passed, so I might as well just enjoy it for what it is...and yes, sometimes that means, just making it till the end of the day when DADDY comes home!!


Sunday, October 15, 2006

Sweet Caroline

Hello all,

I made it!! Caroline arrived as scheduled on October 12, 2006 at 11:49am. She is such a doll, with lots of brown hair. Very sweet disposition thus far,champion breastfeeder, good sleeper, up every 3-4 hours for some grub then back to sleep. We came home this morning and its been pretty good. Matthew is definetly going through some adjustments, very moody and not as gentle as we would like but we know that will take time. I think he is just majorly confused and a little like,"Ahh, what the heck is this baby doing, I like the picture of Caroline better than the real thing!:) My mom will be here all week and that will be a huge help.

Jeff was a trooper and stayed all three nights with me at the hospital. We're both tired but feeling just extremly blessed to have two beautiful, healthy children. Our cups runneth over!

Here are some pics!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The night before Caroline and all through the house...


I know, I know I said I wouldn't post again, but I am going STIR CRAZY!! It all started this morning at 5am when I was obsessing that she wasn't moving enough. The last couple days I have been really neurotic about that. I just want her out, to see that she is ok, I don't know why I have such a need for that this time. I think its because I still can't believe that tommorrow I am having a baby! My pregnancy went so fast. As anxious as I am for her arrival, I am also sad that I most likely won't be pregnant again and am trying to treasure every last pregnant moment, even the many night time trips to the bathroom:)

I am also posting to let you all know that if you want the quickest glimpse of Caroline got to and click on virtual nursery and then go to 10/12 and click on her name. It takes them a few days though, but most likely will be quicker than us. Speaking of that, I said earlier that my mom was bringing their camera so our pics would be better. Well, I forgot that my mom is completly computer illiterate and she thought their cord that allows you to download the pics on the computer was only compatiable with her computer...too funny! So, we will be taking the same crappy pics with our video camera...oh well! I still crack up at her thinking that, kind of cute! :) She has been a lifesaver once again, she made me my favorite dinner tonight. Right now I am trying to convince Jeff to go get my a chocolate shake..somehow the Tigers game has more of a hold than his pregnant wife's cravings!

That's all for now!


Wednesday, October 04, 2006 last

Here are some pictures, albeit crappy ones. We're getting a digital camera for Christmas and I can't wait! I hate using the video camera for stills because the quality is not there! My parents are bringing their camera so Caroline's first pics will be better!

Anyways, here are pics of both Matthew and Caroline's room and some pics of Mr. Matthew. Caroline's room currently has a queen sized bed in it as well for when my parents are here. But then it will be gone! Much to Jeff's dismay because

This is my last post before the big day...stay tuned for CAROLINE!:)))

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Its October!!


When I found out I was pregnant in February, October seemed like such a far off time....its here! I went to the doctor today and she checked me, my cervix is thinned out but no dialation,so I think I am a go for next Thursday. Totally weird to know that definetly a week from Thursday that we will have a daughter! Last night as I was sleeping through another night of thunderstorms, I woke up thinking a bug was on me, its was Caroline kicking me so hard. She was going strong last night which is good because I have let my mind go to the "dark" side the last few days. I think its because my friend's baby died at 38 weeks and even though you know statistically that it most likely won't happen, when you know someone it happened to you can go there very easily. Thankfully, I put it on my prayer request at BSF and also with some prayer buddies and have been much more at ease since then. Darn, I thought I would make it without any major crying jags, but I had one of Sunday. I think it was mostly least that is my story and I am sticking to it.

In unrelated news, does anyone watch GREY'S ANATOMY and ER?? I can't take them being on the same night...TOO MUCH DRAMA!!! I feel drained by 11! I have been happy with both shows thus far. Tommorrow is the season premire of LOST, yipeee!! Ooops, I have to go Gilmore Girls is on soon, I know, I know I must get a life!!:)

We finally got a new camera charger so I will be posting some recent pics of the big brother to be hopefully before Caroline arrives and not to worry I won't wait too long to post baby pics, sorry Shelly no lap tops!!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

18 days and counting.....


Well, I am officially the ugly pregnant lady! I got a look at myself today in the mirror, oh goodness, not pretty. I have heard that when your pregnant with a girl you tend not to look as good, I concure! Oh well, its worth it for my little bundle of joy! I think its that my skin and hair have been looking quite crappy for the entire pregnancy and my stomach looks like she is sticking her legs straight out! Everyone that sees me is like, "How are you doing" with such pity in their voices, its funny! I have to say, I feel great. I am so thankful for the blessing that this pregnancy has been, the peace I have experienced really taught me so much. I truly haven't had any truly psycho moments. Jeff still reminds me of when I was like 34 weeks with Matthew and he didn't move even though I drank a ton of water and pop and I went crazy. I felt such panic. Can't say I miss that, no fun!

I do think I will really miss being pregnant, I have really enjoyed all the movement. Its so amazing, such a miracle. That seems like such an understatement, that its not a big enough word for all that it entails. I find myself thinking alot about what she will look like, will she have a ton of hair, will it be red like Daddy's was when he was little, will she have big feet like her brother? I can't wait for that first look and the first hold, there is nothing like it in the world and I can see why people have six kids, its addictive!!

As far as being ready, I believe we are, of course my nesting instinct kicked in big time, cleaning bathrooms, washing out the fridge, keeping up on laundry, which in our house means washing it and putting it away within two days, I really HATE laundry! Having the floors vaccummed everyday. As if that will make things less crazy around here, please! Of course Papa Azzaro is coming and his freaky cleanliness will have this house in tip top shape!

I think I have delgated my church duties off on others for October at least. But, I have agreed to host and lead a young married small group and will be helping in the planning for our L3 team, helping out with the daycare at MOPS and I still have BSF so I will still be busy. Mostly, I just have to worry about recovering from the c sec! That is the part that was hard last time, I wanted to do more but couldn't because of that recovery.

Sorry about the ramblings, I will most likely post again, unless Caroline arrives early in which case, it might take me 3 weeks to walk downstairs and post pics!

Wish me luck!:)

Monday, September 18, 2006

If you could talk to one person who is already gone...


This was the title of Mitch Albom's article in this Sunday's PARADE (the magazine that is shoved in amidst the ads). I immediately got tears in my eyes and a lump in my heart thinking about my Grandma Satterfield who died October 30,1995. I still miss her so much and would love to have one more conversation with her. Although, considering that I was only 20 when she died, I am so blessed to have had wonderful conversations with her about the types of things I would want to ask now. I think though now, in this stage of my life, I would ask her how she perservered with such faith through some extremly tough and tragic situations. My mom's sister died from neuroblastoma, a childhood cancer of the adrenal system,that is extremly painful. Ironically, a good friend of mine had a friend whose daughter died of it at age 3. Because of this world of BLOGGING, I was able to get an insider look at the horror that was. Now, we are talking 1946, before the amazing strides were made in managing pain, chemo, etc. It is an awful beast in 2006, I can't imagine the undescribable heartache at what they went through. I mentioned before that it shattered my grandfather's faith in God. He prayed that GOD would HEAL Leslie and was angry that my Grandma prayed that God's will would be done and that He would give them the faith and courage to make it through. My grandfather couldn't give God that control, he wanted his little girl to be healthy and live. I remember a conversation we had when I was 18, so clearly that I can even remember the weather, what she was wearing, the look in her eyes, as I asked her about what she thought heaven was. She just gave me a soft smile and said, "Well, I like to think that when God calls me home, I will be greeted by my sweet Leslie running to me shouting, "Mommy your home!" I can barely type that, I mean how awesome for her to be able to say that and have such a peace about where her little girl was. She never made it seem like that tragedy ruined the rest of her life, she wasn't overly protective of my mom or her sister or brother, she let them continue to live. Leslie was never forgotten either, she just had such a strong faith that she endured and contiued to live as a testament for Christ. If we sat down to chat today,I would say thank you to her for leaving me such a legacy. For helping to win me over for God, to remember the mother and woman she was despite her hardships. I am so honored to have Caroline's middle name be Carlysle, her maiden name. I wish Caroline could have met her, but in my own heart, I like to think when God decided that Caroline should be ours, Grandma Satterfield got a little glimpse of her "Suzie's" daughter. I have a picture of her on my dresser and everytime Matthew sees it he smiles, plus we always call his blue eyes, which are genetically very unlikely, a gift from Gertrude! So I am convinced she is in such favor with the big guy that he lets her see her great grandchildren, from the best view in the world! If I could talk to one person it definetly would be Grandma Satterfield!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Daddy's away and its no fun to play...with mommy!:(


Jeff is in Cincinnati this weekend with some friends from college. I miss him soooooo much! Not only his help with little dude, but also his company. Matthew came down with a cold Thursday night, coughing which by the way sent "Mr. Calm" aka Jeff into a tizzy, apparently whooping cough is going around the area and his bosses daughter has it and Jeff was like, "What if he gave it to me and Matthew go it from me?" I just looked at him strangely and said," How about he just has the sniffles and a slight cough?" I loved being the voice of reason! Anyways, he came home for a little bit before he left and Matthew was playing outside with him. When we had to come in he cried forever! He was so sad that his daddy had left! He is becoming a real daddy's boy, which is good I guess since I will be unable to attend to many of his needs my first weeks after Baby Caroline comes! I thought he would snap out of it, but the next hour and a half were hellaious as he just kept crying off and on and going to the gate and singing MORE MORE MORE! FInally after asking, what more? More food, water, bed? He frantically shook his head YES! He wanted to go to bed at 5:45!! I ended up putting him down at 6:20 and he slept till 7:30!! So he must have needed the rest. He just pulled the same thing with nap! Mildly annoying, but sad the see him under the weather!
My friend, Sherry came over and we watched, "Friends with Money" with Jennifer Anniston, ok, defintely a rental! TOnight I am watching the 40 year old virgin which I hear is hillarious! I also have to prepare my part of L3! Tommorrow should go quick with church and sunday school as long as Matty is "nursery safe"!


Sunday, September 10, 2006

We're Ready!?


Well, my mom just pulled out of the driveway after being here since Thursday so you know what that means, MANY THINGS WERE ACCOMPLISHED OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS! I have to say I love it when my mom comes, she is so organized and I get sooooo much done plus she makes it fun and ok, yes I will admit, buys the things we can't afford or Jeff says no too:)! We painted Caroline's room pink, its defintely pink and I am still adjusting to it, the bedding and curtains look very cute and we're going to have the teen that babysits Matthew quite often paint starfish around the room and put up letters spelling out her name. ( I am still waiting till after she arrives to make sure its defintely still Caroline:) We kept the queen size bed in there b/c my parents will be sleeping in there when they come up. In Matthew's room we hung curtains and its so cute. He has really claimed it these last few days and loves playing in there. I childproofed it more so we can play in there, his other room wasn't really set up for that. I still can't leave him in there, he is just too into things and too little for that but he likes having more freedom to explore his books and toys. We went through all the baby clothes and got rid of alot to Goodwill and kept the good stuff for some lucky person who has a boy next, I am not kidding there has to be five big shoppping bags full of the cutest clothes. I did manage to keep a few things that I wanted as rememberance of his baby days. We washed all her clothes and got everything set up so all I have to do is incorporate my shower gifts! I love weekends like this! I feel so happy when things are organized and clean. Am I a freak?, please if you think I am you should meet my dad!!:) All we need now is a baby! Oh and as a sidenote, today we awoke to much cooler temps and I had to squeeze myself into jeans...OY' VEY! I felt like I was going to burst. I might be the only person still in capris come October. I can't find plus size maternity pants to save my life. I have always bought larger regular sizes, but I am carrying her lower so its just yucky! Oh well only 4 weeks!


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

New Room Blues


Well, I am offically going crazy with this end of pregnancy stuff! I have felt a desperate need to "get things done" the past couple of weeks, nothing can be too organized or clean. So, when we began the process of painting both rooms this weekend, it was no surprise that I would end up in tears. First the painting process was in Jeff's hands entirely, something I am NOT comfortable giving him control over. There are times when his laid back attitude are such a blessing to me, then there are times when your trying to get stuff done and you catch your husband, who is suppose to painting, on the couch watching college football...uggh! :( It did get painted and looks very nice. We put up the hand me down crib that we so generously received from a guy that Jeff works with, for free! But, as Jeff was putting it together, I felt sad for Matthew. That he was having to leave his old room, leave his rocker behind that I have spent countless hours rocking, nursing, reading and singing to him in and go to the "new room" where he is in a lesser quality crib and its smaller. Don't get me wrong, its a very nice room, I know he is only 16.5 months old, but I feel sad that soon I will have a new baby and that Matthew will be my big boy. So silly, I am sure to those of you who have more than one child! Tonight was his first time in the room and he had trouble settling down, he cried pathetically for thirty minutes and then I was in tears and went up and rocked him to sleep. He awoke when I laid him down and looked at me like," I am in here again!" but rolled over and hugged "monkey" his little sleep mate!
I am feeling better now that he is asleep and know that he will be ok, that we will all surive this transition, its just the unknown that is scary. At least when your about to have your first, you really are ignnorant to what is about to happen to you. Know matter how much nannying I did, nothing really prepared me to be Matthew's mommy and nothing can really prepare me to be Matthew and Caroline's mommy! But, I know it will bring me so much joy and I can't wait...even when I am crazy, crying and thinking..."How do people have three or more kids?"


Thursday, August 31, 2006

THIS SAYS IT ALL (and then some :)

A friend sent me to this on email and I just loved says it all! ENJOY! Sue

This is about Rick Warren, the author. You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having "wealth" from the book sales.

This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life" author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me,What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.

I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.

God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ-likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain."

But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.

It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.

It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Susan Simpson, age 8


I promise I don't try to be sad and negative all the time. In fact, most of the time, I truly feel happy and blessed. But, yes the way God made me does incline me to be a little morbid, a little on the overly compassionate side. I have been working on not letting every piece of bad news I hear make me crazy with worry. I have been so at peace during my pregnancy that I sometimes feel like its not me carrying this little bundle of joy around. But, and yes there is always a but with me, yesterday I got a call from my friend in Chicago that I haven't talked to in several months that sent me right back into "Oh this world is so sadville". I asked how her summer was going and she said not very good because her three year old goddaughter drowned in her pool in June. I obviously was speechless. I managed to follow my speechlessness up with my sympathies and then we talked about how my friend knew that her goddauugher, Taylor was in heaven. But, that it was just hard, because she wanted her here, quite understandably! We really had a great talk about how she was so thankful for her faith in God and how she has had a lot of support from her family. We went on to talk about other things but obviously that kind of news leaves an impression. I said a prayer for my friend and all involved and then said to myself, "Ok, now leave it, we're not obsessing over this." I have to seriously tell myself things like that or I will start to think about it too much and really what good does that do. I mean, as bad as it might sound, there of plenty of people I do know, who have or are going through bad stuff, I don't need to add complete strangers to the list. So, I moved on.. and then

Today at the park, my nieces, Jessica and Allison came with me along with Aunt Kim to help with Crazy Evil Kinevil aka Matthew. Well, at one point, Allison didn't have Matt in arm's reach and it looked like he came dangerously close to a 10 foot drop,face first falling.I screamed so loud, I think all of Kalamazoo heard me. The panic I felt was so yucky! Later tonight, I said to JEff, what if he had fallen and gotten really badly hurt or worse? He just looked at me and said, " He didn't, so why are you thinking like that?" That is why I love Jeff, always the voice of reason and sanity. I need to think more like that, more like, " Thank God he didn't get hurt or worse"

All of this brings me to the title of my blog, I use to love Ramona Quimby books by Beverly Cleary. I still do and strongly encourage all LITTLE GIRLS TO READ THEM and while we are on subject, also the LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRARIE BOOKS but I digress. Anyways, I find myself going back to "Ramona Quimby age 8" whenever I am feeling stressed or sad. I relate so much to her character. A sensitive little girl, who worries about everything, that wants to fit in and does despite what tricks her little mind plays on her. In alot of ways, I think reading those stories remind me of a more innocent time when the worst thing that could happen to you was throwing up in class in front of everyone! The possibility of so much and the eagerness to be an adult that comes with being 8. How ironic that once we've reached that esteemed status of adulthood, we end up longing for the carefree days of childhood.

So, I will say a prayer when I hear something sad but I will not go to bed dwelling on it, I will instead pick up a book and be oh so greatful that I didn't have to live with Laura Ingalls Wilder and endure grasshoppers invading your entire wheat crop and then having to endure the Hard Winter:) Those who have read it, I hope your chuckling!:)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I don't want to clean


Well, not much really to say, I am hosting a Body Shop party for my friend Christine tonight and I have NO desire to clean my house. Matthew is sleeping, I checked my email and blog stalked for a little bit and now should go upstairs and clean. But, I really just want to crawl back in bed and sleep. I have been so tired lately. I feel like I did when I had mono. I know its just because the end is near, but its annoying because I am not usually a napper and lately that is all I want to do!

In other news, this weekend I am getting together with a bunch of my girlfriends from college on Sat. We are going over to my friends pool and then out to dinner/drinks afterwards. Jeff is taking Matty over to Grandma Barb's for the night. Oh yah, Jeff and I are taking the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Univ class at church this fall. I am mostly excited for it but to be honest, kind of afraid of all the changes I know its going to convict me to make. Jeff seems to think he knows it all, but I told him he better lose the attitiude and go in with an open mind, but he is pretty financially savvy. I mean, its not rocket science. I pray that God would open his heart more to having to depend more on HIM, not checking accounts. Jeff is such a numbers man, I know he believes in Christ, but I desire MORE action from Him, more of a desire to get to know Him intimately. I need to pray more consistently for him in that regards. I have really been bad about quiet times lately. BSF starts soon, so that always gets me in more of a groove!

Ok, talk about totally random blog! Oh, one more thing, can any of you recommend a digitial camera? We are going to buy one and need some consumer advice!


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Oh Goodness


Jeff and I always say "Oh Goodness" to Matthew when he is doing something cute, Jeff probably says it like 100 times a day. I swear, he is a total softie when it comes to that boy! He will discipline him and then say, "Come here buddy, its ok". I was just thinking about the word goodness and thought about how God is so Good to us. In the major things like bringing us a phone call or visit from a friend when we're having just one of those really bad days and we might not have made it to another, to inspiring someone to take over your part of the L3 service because you can't make it off the couch and having it turn out so wonderfully, to seeing pictures of a sweet baby boy who was born in May to parents of a child who lost her life to cancer at age 3 and seeing that life really does go on and is filled with hope once again. We really do have an AWESOME, GREAT, GOOD GOD!!


Sunday, August 20, 2006

The best laid plans....


Well, I was really looking forward to this past weekend and as I sit typing this I am thinking, "Gosh this weekend really sucked" :) Jeff and his friend Pat went to Chicago on Friday to go to the PGA that was playing at my dad's country club. Jeff has been so excited for like five months about this. So, I thought I would take the opportunity and go visit some of my girlfriends and their kids. Well, as I was driving up to Flushing on Friday afternoon,I started feeling like some major allergies were coming on, I have really bad fall allergies. When we got to my friend Liz's all heck broke loose, I started sneezing, running nose, yuck!! I attempted sleeping on their pullout next to Matthew's pack and play, well forget about it! A pregnant lady can not sleep on a pullout!! I seriously got like 20 minutes of sleep. Sat was raining and humid and I felt worse than Fri, we went out to breakfast and to a play thing at the mall and then I decided I couldn't go back to their house with the dog, who I thought was causing all these nasal issues. I headed to Lansing to see my friend Pam, whose husband, Pat was with Jeff and made it till 6pm when my whole body was overtaken by chills and achiness, I decided that I just wanted to go home. Pam seemed bummed but understood. I packed Matty up and we drove home. I put him down at 7:30 and went to bed at 8:30!! I felt like I was 8 years old again. Then, I woke up at 1,wide awake and stayed that way. Matthew also woke up crying like 5 times, which he never does, so I was glad he was in his own crib, because being in a strange house could have made it way worse. This morning, I was tempted to go to church, just to let him have some fun in the nursery but couldn't muster up enough energy to get off the couch. Its no fun being sick and a mommy,especially a pregnant mommy. Oh yah, I also had a mini panic attack around 2am when the baby was really quiet and wouldn't move no matter how much I pushed on her. Finally she kicked me rather hard like four times, as to say, " KNOCK IT OFF MOM!! I am sleeping and you barely ate all day what do you expect!!" I miss my mom!!


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

What happened to my baby??

I was looking through some old pics of Matthew today and can't believe how big my baby is getting! He isn't a baby really anymore. Today Barb watched him so I could go to the Chiropractor and when I got home he looked like such a full fledged toddler. I imagine when the baby is born he will look just giant! He is starting to babble more like he wants to talk but can't seem to get the words out, but he nods yes when he wants something and still likes to say "Og" Dog, " Uck" Duck and his favorite word,"Hat". I am helping out at VBS this week and so Jeff has been putting him to bed. Well, last night he just kept crying and saying, "Mama, mama" from his crib. When I got home, 2 HOURS past bedtime, that little boy came running up to me, Daddy had apparently given up, he looked at me like, " Your not made are you mommy?!" We went up and rocked and 2 minutes in he was out like a light, such a mommy's boy!! Poor daddy!

Look how my baby has grown!


Thursday, August 10, 2006

Baby Cameron

I know in past posts I have joked and referred to myself as the "blog stalker" and usually when I do so I find comfort in the fact that in a lot of ways we're all struggling with the same types of stuff, kids, faith ,husbands, money issues. But, there are times when I read others blogs and I truly feel forever changed by what is going on in their lives and how they are handling it. Today, my friend Beth called with a prayer request for her friend Rory's little 4month old son, Cameron who was born premature with "dandy walker variant" Its a birth defect that causes fluid to build up in his brain, he is missing a kidney and has diaphragm issues as well. He is such a little miracle baby and has already endured one brain surgery. Well, tommorrow he has to have another. Its quite unexpected and I imagine they are just at a loss for what to feel about it all. His blog is and you can get much more detail there. But, please if you can please pray for this little guy and his family.


Sunday, August 06, 2006

Go Ahead and Look Lady

Hi All,
Ok, on Saturday, Jeff, Matthew and I went to Old Country Buffet with Grandma Barb. It was like nine in the morning and there was hardly anyone there. Matthew has just become annoying to take out, he use to be so content just being out and eating...not so much anymore. He has taken to throwing his food lately, at which point we take away his food, but still its mildly annoying. So, he was actually being good, for a 15 month old and these people who were sitting kitty corner from us that looked like they were in their 70's and were with their grandson who looked to be about 10 kept staring at us and shaking their heads. SO ANNOYING! Matthew was sitting in his seat playing with a balloon for like 30 minutes of our 45 meal. I don't know if its the pregnancy hormones or just "witchiness" in general, but I was like 2 seconds away from going up and saying, " What is your deal?" Obviously you have had children and your with your grandchild who I assume was 15 months old at one point, meany!" I mean we were at OCB!! If you want a peaceful, quiet breakfast, go to know what just stay home! Uggh!
Matthew has taken to severe tantrums lately when he is taken out of someplace he is having fun. Yesterday, it was when we were outside and came in he screamed for 25 minutes. Today it was leaving church! Oh Goodness! Very strong willed that one. I will tell you when you see you child exhibit some of your not so flattering character traits, got to say, SCARY! I always look at Jeff in these moments and say,"Look at your son!"


Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Yesterday was the anniversary of Josh and Shelly's daughter, Ava's death. I have been thinking about them a lot lately and especially today. I remember last year, when it happened, I was in South Haven on vacation with Jeff's family and Matthew who is only 10 days older than Ava. I remember Wes calling me and having some bad news he wanted to tell Barb, he wouldn't tell me and I remember feeling such panic, thinking, "Who died" you know how you just know that the news is that horrible. Never did I imagine that it would be that horrible. I remember just clinging to Matthew and holding him close and crying. Jessica and Allison, who were in Josh's youth group, had so many questions that seemed to come up slowly throughout the next couple days. I remember Jessica in particular, who is a very quiet girl and introverted would just seem to blurt out a thought or question to me and she kept saying, " Its just so sad, why did that happen." They talked about how cute she was and how she was so pretty. I pray that God is comforting them today, that all the prayers that are being prayed are acting as one big, giant hug. I know that every death I have ever experienced, whether I know the person well or not, has taught me so much. Through their loss, I have learned never to take your kids for granted, to hold them a little longer when the fall asleep on you at night and just let the dishes sit in the sink, to turn off the tv and read Good Night Moon for the 500th time, to cherish every movement from my unborn daughter ,even when its keeping me awake in the middle of the night. To know that we are blessed to have a Lord that gives us all we need and more, even when the things we hold dearest are taken away.


Friday, July 21, 2006

Book Club night

I had my first book club last night for the book, LIFE OF PI. It went well and the conversations that emerged were fascinating. It has a lot of "spirituality" in it, as the main character dables in hinduism, islam and christianity. As a Christian reading it, I found all references to God in it to be personal to my God, my Jesus. But, to the other members of the group, who are mostly agnostic, they found all sorts of personal meaning in his quests for knowledge within the three religions. This lead to a discussion of why people reject formal religion and churches and it was fascinating to me as an evangelical Christian to listen to their perspectives. Nothing irritates me more than when someone says, "I just don't want to be judged and I am tolerant of whatever anyone believes as long as they are a good person" It seriously makes me want to scream, "THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!" But, obviously that is not going to bring anyone closer to Christ. I said some comments about how God and Christ were the most important thing in my life and I can't imagine doing anything without my faith. One women kept saying, " I wish I could have that, I am jealous of people who have that." Finally I said, " Anyone can have it, its yours for the taking, God wants a relationship with all of us." I felt such sadness that they really had no idea of what I was talking about. I wish that I had more guts to invite people to church, I really stink at that, I chicken out b/c I don't want people to think I am being pushy. But, the words of a pastor of a church in Chicago ring in my head each time I don't do it, he said in regards to feeling uncomfortable about asking people to church and about their relationship to Christ, " People, they are going to hell without Him, what could be more uncomfortable than that? " So true!
The whole night made me so thankful for my friends at church and in my life in general who are Christians and to have more "guts" when it comes to the non Christians, I could be passing up golden opportunities to share Christ and "give someone that"!! Hmm, so much growing I have to do!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Life of Pi

Has anyone out there read, "The Life of Pi" by Yann Martel? I am reading it for a new book club I started and I have to say its the strangest book I have ever read. When I bought it over a month ago I was eager to begin reading it and then I opened it and it all went south, quickly! I just couldn't get into it, I felt like I was in college all over again. I finally just told myself I was never going to read it and just go to the book club and hang out with some girlfriends. But, then I started feeling that "I haven't finished my homework" guilt. I started thinking to myself, " Is this what has become of me, that a book poses some challenges and I just throw in the towel?" and honestly, my answer was yes. I have better things to do with my time than read a book that reads more like a zoology book for a student doing their thesis. Then I talked to my friend Stephanie who suggested starting later in the book b/c apparently the beginning isn't that vital. So on Monday I began again and WOW, what a book! So, so good!! I highly recommend it, but begin by reading the first 20 pages and then skip to page 94. It is really incredible the imagination and depth of writing abilities that Martel has on . I am so glad that I didn't totally give up. Makes me want to try algebra again!
In other news, I went to the dr on Mon and it looks like Baby Simpson may arrive on October 13th, FRI the 13th. Now I know this sounds stupid, but I hate the number 13!! I don't want her birthday to be on the 13th. I obviously don't believe in superstious (sp?) things happening on that day, I have always hated the number. So, I am praying that the surgery day is the 12th!! Jeff only has three days off, so I really don't want it to be in Monday either, picky, picky!! Matthew has started doing a new thing when he gets in trouble he runs up to me and kisses me and puts his head on me, so cute and so hard to stand my ground. I want to eat him up!!


Sunday, July 16, 2006

Chicago,my kind of town

Well, we're back from Chicago, Matthew and I made a trip from Wed to Sun sans daddy. We visited some old friends and grandma and papa Azzaro and Aunt Jenn, Claire and Patrick in Wisconsin. The DVD player we got for Matthew was a such a blessing it made the trip bearable. Of course we had several DVD's for him and all he wanted to watch was Baby Einstein, Baby McDonald. He loved that!! He kept me on my toes for sure, constantly trying to knock things over, getting into things, getting up at 5 AM everyday!, throwing lots of wet sand at meet at the beach. Ahh boys! Gotta love em! It was good seeing my sister and the kids. Claire, my niece who just turned 5 but talks sometimes like she is 15 made an interesting comment about the name situation. She asked me what I was naming the baby and I said, "We're naming her Caroline" and she said, "No, no, when you were pregnant with Matthew your girls name was Jenna, now its suddenly Caroline, I don't think so." I laughed, annoyingly I will admit and said, "Obviously mommy isn't sensoring what she says in front of Claire." To which my sister just laughed. I swear, this is getting ridiculous! Patrick who is 5months older than Matthew really got a kick out of Matthew. They loved the beach! I am glad to me back and appreciate my ultra-helpful husband more than ever. Its unbearably hot here!! YUCk!!


Tuesday, July 11, 2006 God I think she's done it!

I can't believe how easy that
was, I had thought it was
so hard and was determined
to figure it out today!
Here are some pics of Matt
on vacation. I love the crying
one, its so him when he
doesn't get his way! The
other shows his two great loves
hats and Pacies!!:)


Monday, July 10, 2006


Last night we had a great speaker at church, he spoke about Envy and it really hit home for me. I like to think I don't struggle that much with that but after listening to him I realized that there are definetly times when I am not content with all the abundant blessings God has given me. I am with Jeff and my children but I admit with material posessions, I struggle. I have several friends whose husbands make more than $100,000 a year and there are times when, yes, I admit, I am jealous that they can go to Steinmart and buy anything they want, of their cleaning ladies, their ablitly to hire a babysitter and go out for a $80 meal and movie. I have no reason to envy that, I have all I need and more. I have a wonderful mother in law who watches my child whenever I need for free and does a better job at it than me sometimes:), I have extremly generous parents who are always "gifting" us something. I truly want for nothing. The guest speaker spoke about his 1990 Honda Accord that despite its share of problems, is a beloved answer to prayer and has taught him and his wife alot about being content in what God gives us. We have a 1997 Honda Accord and when I had the crappier car, I so loved that car. I even made Jeff stop driving it so I could when I was pregnant with Matthew b/c I deemed my car "unsafe". Yet, when we got our new car, his car suddenly became the crap car. He often makes fun of my ability to change my mind when something better comes along. After listening to the message last night, I had a newfound respect and admiration for the Honda. I went out tonight and bought some car wash and washed that baby clean, it was so nasty and dirty!! Jeff can trash a car like no other, once he filled the entire passenger side with empty water bottles to see how many he could collect?! Strange man! I made him come outside and help me de junk the inside and we found so many treasures inside. An ultrasound pic of Matthew at 25 weeks, his little legs and giant feet that he has had since the womb, that little miracle baby,one of my gifts from God, my old name tag from a beloved job that was such an answered prayer, millions of pens, the lawn mower charger that we had frantically been looking for, for over a year, and the most special of all, a cross. Buried under all the french fry , old pens, scraps of paper, there it was my cross. Buried under all the junk. That to me is what ENVY does, buries you under the junk! It felt good driving our Honda, with it all clean and vaccummed out to get gas and thanking God for everything HE blesses us with( even if the stereo is busted!)


Friday, July 07, 2006


Ok, if you read my blog, please help me out here. I was pretty sure about naming the baby Caroline but now I am seriously considering Catherine again. I think Katie is cute, especially with my middle name, my maternal grandma's maiden name, Carlyle. She was an amazing women! Such an amazing Christian, mother, Episcoplian. I think alot about her lately. I had considered Leslie Carlysle, because my mom had a sister who died of cancer at age 5. My grandma and I had a lot of great talks about what that was like for her to deal with and how it affected her as a Christian and in her personal like,especially her marriage. My grandfather had made a "deal" with God that if she lived he would do anything and when she didn't he refused to go to church anymore. He died when I was 7 so I never got to ask him where he was with that. I hope he came back, I pray he did! Wooh, tangent! Anyways, I am not so crazy about Leslie though. Either is Jeff. So is Katie Carlyle cuter?? Come on and let me know !!

In other news, please pray for my L3 team, I can't get anyone to join it! We have 3 members now and one is leaving in Sept and then I will be out for 6 weeks because of the baby!! Transistions. YUCK A ROO!


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Suck it up

Ok, a few days ago I posted the prayer request for my sister and her family. I am still asking for that but I need to vent a little. She is letting this whole thing bring her so way down. I mean you would think something seriously tragic is happening to her. My mom and I are at our wits end at what to do and say anymore. I swear she needs a Prozac. She just can't deal and it really makes me scared for her when something seriously more emotional does happen to her. For as freakish as I can be, at least I feel like in bad situations I am emotionally prepared on some level and because of my faith I know ultimately I would be ok. She is Catholic ( I am not Catholic bashing) but this is what I see sometimes with people within that faith. They have no personal relationship with Christ so when the going gets tough they become bitter and dispondent very quickly. Sometimes I just get so annoyed. I am not a very nice sister! I am still bitter about her being mad about my name choice. Ever since that she hasn't even asked how I am feeling,etc! UGGH !


She doesn't read this, she doesn't know it exists and really under normal circumstance she is very nice!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I am going to be so busy!

Hello again

Last night Jeff and I watched our friend's 4month old and I am officially panicked! Matthew was all about touching the baby, jealous when I was feeding her, constantly had to be watching. I managed to scarf down some noodles when she was playing in the exersaucer. What am I going to do?? I will figure it out that is what I will do! I think though we are going to have a rough couple of months!! Matthew loves babies, but gentle he is not. I guess she will have to be a tough cookie!! I have the worse headache today! I swear that throughout this pregnancy I have so many, must be the extra girl hormones!! I must go clean, before Mr Man wakes up!

Be Blessed!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Summertime and the living's easy

I thought I would shout out a prayer request for my sister and her family. This might sound like its not much but to her its really stressing her out. They have been unable to sell their house in MI for the last 6 months. They relocated to Kohler, WI in January because my brother in law took a job with Kohler. They have dropped the price substanially and are living in a rental but the house just isn't moving and they are at a loss at what to do. Now I know that its stressful, but sometimes I just want to say "Get some perspective" I am not sure what she would ever do if something truly stressful/tragic happened to her. She gets so bogged down by smaller things. Not that this situation doesn't merit some stress. But, to her its like the worlds ending. She is impossible at taking advice too!! But, please say a prayer that it sells and she calms down and is more trusting of God and His plan for her life!

In other news. Life has returned to normal. My mom was here through Tuesday. She is so helpful helping clean, organize buying Matthew all sorts of stuff!:) This weekend were just laying low. No fireworks for us, way passed bedtime:) I remember making fun of people who never went to fireworks when there kids were little now I TOTALLY understand! You do not want to mess with the schedule!!

Happy 4th!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Home again

Well we are back! We had fun,but I will say that spending a week with Matthew in my room, throwing pacies at me at 5am has made me wonder when I will get my next vacation??! It was nice, but the weather stunk, cloudy and rainy alot which made for being inside all day with Matthew and his cousin Derek, who is 4 days older than him. Matthew liked to think Derek was a punching bag, literally, which meant Jeff and I had to constantly say " No,no, don't hit your cousin", "Matthew, NO!!!" Derek is a little gun shy about being with us anyways, he is a REAL mommies boy so he cried almost everytime Matthew came his way. Plus, Derek woke up several times a night...ahh kids!

Matthew did love the water and beach!! He is such a dare devil, he b lined for the water each chance he could and cried hysterically when Jeff took him inside! All in all it was a nice time and good for all the cousins to be together. The baby, who I think will definetly be named Caroline, has been a kicking superstar!! She is so active, so fun to experience that! Makes me wonder what she will be like on the outside! I had a couple moments of panic when she was extra quiet a few mornings but then came to my senses and remembered that God is watching over both of us!! God is probably like, "Geez, your never happy, with your son, you freaked because he never moved, now I give you a mover and your still a freak!" Thats me, FREAK!!

S (Freak)!:)

Friday, June 16, 2006


Well,we're leaving shortly to go on vacation with Jeff's family to a house on lake Michigan in West Olive, between Grand Haven and Holland. I always enjoy our lake vacation, its so generous of Jeff's mom to do it for us. Jeff was unable to come for the whole week last year because he had just begun his job at Borgess, but this year he is able to make it for the whole week, yeah! I need to know how to download pics on my blog, I am such a computer idiot though, so it will probably take someone coming over and showing me! :) I should be finishing up packing and cleaning a little, I hate coming home to a dirty house! But, I don't want to!!

I have gotten some really positive feedback from my testimony. I am so glad that I did it and hope that it was able to bring someone closer to Christ! Ok, must go pack!


Monday, June 12, 2006


Well, last night I gave my testimony at our team's L3 service. I think it went well, our video didn't turn out, but I think my portion went well! I am proud of myself for "coming clean", its hard to do that sometimes. Sometimes its nice to just let people think one thing or not really know at all! I am getting excited for vacation, we are going to a house on Lake MI in between Holland and Grand Haven for a week starting Fri with Jeff's family. I am really looking forward to spending a whole week with Jeff and Matthew. Jeff is such an awesome dad, so involved, I am very blessed! For those who read my blog, keep my friends' baby Cameron in your prayers, he is five weeks old and having brain surgery on Thursday, he was born with Dandy Walker variant and has hydrosephulus sp?? He is such a sweetie from the pics on his blog! I can't imagine having to give your newborn baby over to have surgery on his brain!! I barely handled Matthew's ear tubes!!:) The baby is moving all the time, except in the early am, she is very quiet, very different from her big bro, that is when he did all his moving and then nothing for the rest of the day!! Well, that is it, kind of boring!


Saturday, June 10, 2006

I don't understand..

My mom called me today with sad news. Their friends daughter who was due in early November lost her baby. She went in for her regular check up and there was no heartbeat. Sadder yet, she had a baby son, Jack prematurely at 26 weeks about 20 months ago who died when he was a month old. When she was pregnant with Jack, she had interuterine growth restriction. So he was very small when he was born. I feel so badly for them, and have to admit that when hearing news like that I get mad, WHY???? Especially when there are so many crappy, abusive parents out there, its not fair!! I will never understand things like that. Just makes me appreciate and be grateful for all I have!! I don't really feel like talking about my happy little life.


Monday, June 05, 2006

Its a ....

Well a baby GIRL will soon be joining our family! Everything went so great, she looks wonderful ,has all her parts and measurements had her about 2 weeks ahead even! We even got a 3D of her little face! I am still in shock, even though I had a feeling it was a girl! Now, the panic about the fact that we're surrounded by boy stuff!! I am sure Grandma Azzaro will be outfitting her nicely, along with Grandma Murphy. I loved the ultrasound guy, he is such a soothing person that if something was wrong I would have wanted him telling me. He thoroughly explained everything he was doing! I was telling him about all the stuff I knew about birth defects and I think he must of thought I was a freak. I have always been that way, always preparing myself for the worst. The problem with that is you miss out on a lot when you do that to yourself. I am working on it!! I am so happy that God has blessed us with a daughter! Now I have to convince Jeff that we're not done with 2!! He said," Perfect, one of each" when we found out and then " What are we going to do with all those boy clothes?" To which I responded, "Keep them in case the third is a boy" he just hmmmpfed! Well, God had a different plan with this little bambina so we will see! Thank God for the Catholic hospitalthat employsmy husband and won't pay for birth control!!:))))


Thursday, June 01, 2006

Boy or Girl???

I finally have comments on my blog!! Well, we find out on Monday whether we are having a boy or girl. I am still thinking girl but we will see. I am feeling anxious, I have to admit I have fear about it. I want everything to be ok and know it will be but still...........yee of little faith! I do feel so blessed to have both Matthew and this baby. I have found myself really just enjoying him and being so grateful and thankful for him. He is a little naughty boy sometimes, but I love him so much, even when he is biting and pinching me!! We have decided on some names, I think , if its a girl its going be Caroline Carlysle, I just think Caroline is such a classic, pretty name and Carlysle was my grandma's maiden name. If its a boy, I am thinking Daniel or maybe Leo, after my dad, and the middle name will probably be Sheffield,after the beloved Cubs, Wrigley Field is on three roads, Sheffield, Addison and Clark. I think its kind of cute! Ok, I am tired, I will hopefully get more comments! I have thought about sending the address out to my hotmail contacts but don't know if I am ready for that. I feel like this is a diary of sorts!


Monday, May 22, 2006

Walking, walking

Well, its offically, Matthew is walking! He went from cruising only on Tuesday to completly walking on Thursday. Man, do I know my little guy. I told the dr that, Matthew only does things when he is able to master them. Today, he tried to RUN down our driveway and fell thankfully no injuries were sustained!! Well, I think summer weather is finally on its way, they are forcasting 80's for Memorial Day Weekend!! Yipeee We are heading to Lansing on Sunday to our little friend Jacob's baptism and hopefully to see my friend Sarah's twin daughers Stella and Josie! They are finally home from the hospital! Yipee again! Nothing else, I am boring!!


Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I have to first say that during this pregnancy I have definetly found myself much more at peace in trusting God and not worrying constantly about the babies health. But, my friends good friend just found out that the little boy she is carrying has a birth defect, actually a few. Ever since that, I have found myself falling back into the pattern of last pregnancy, constantly Googling stats, birth defects, etc. Obsessing over my ultrasound pics for any problems. I don't want to be like that. The thing is, it doesn't matter, no matter what, this baby is ours and no matter what it comes out with, God has privledged us with this child. I have several people praying for me so the neurosis is subsiding gradually, but still I feel disappointed in myself for letting it get to me. I had another ultrasound on Monday because the little bambino wouldn't stay still long enough to have its heartbeat heard. It was amazing, moving all around, you could see its little hands, its head, legs, all there by the way. Even its little mouth. So much in awe of God in times like that, so amazing that of what He is capable of, just so amazing. We find out on June 5th what we are having. Can't wait. Oh, get this, one of our names for a girl is Caroline or Catherine. My sister, who has two children and is done, said that she would be mad if I named a girl either name, because they were her names. PLEASE!! That is so annoying, I guess she will just have to be mad!


Thursday, May 11, 2006


I joked with Jeff when we moved back to Kalamazoo that I was afraid of getting too involved in a church, that its much better just to drift in and out of different ones, or go to Willow Creek, where you get lost in the shuffle. Seriously, getting involved has been such a blessing to us and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel like God is really using me and the experiences I am having are causing great growth. But, lately I have been so frustrated with not knowing how to communicate effectively what I am feeling. Today, I had to make a very difficult phone call and now I am not as excited to plan for our next L3 session. I feel like Satan is totally using that to his advantage and I will not be a pawn in his game! AHHHHHHHHHH! I have to remember that I can do all things through Christ who strenghens me!


Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Matthew is one crazy boy!! That kid is constantly trying to play with anything that isn't a toy. He loves playing with the kitchen chairs, trying to pull them on top of himself, getting into the bathroom, playing in the toliet, with toliet paper, going through my cookbooks and making a huge mess! I have to say sometimes I feel like all I do all day is run after him saying, "NO NO NO NO!" Its tiring, but still he is such a joy to me! Especially when its snuggle time. He is so precious to me. My BSF class is ending in a couple weeks and I am so sad about it. I have really enjoyed it and feel like God has taught me so much. I feel very close to Him, closer than ever and really feel like I am on the path He wants for me. I almost feel like I am too blessed if that makes sense! I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, I know that isn't the right attitude, it just seems like I am not worthy of all I have.


Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Tiny movements

I wonder if anyone reads my blog, no one ever comments if they do??? Oh well, feel free to write if you want, I would love to know who reads it??!! Matthew is taking his nap, he has been doing something new lately when its time for naps, he puts his little hands under is head and curls up on my shoulder right by my heart. It melts me everytime. I feel like my baby will be gone soon, and when the new baby comes, I won't have as much time to snuggle him. I know that isn't true, that we will establish a new pattern. But, he only does it with me, like he knows he is safe and comfy with me and wants to cuddle. I could rock him forever and there are times when I just fall asleep with him and feel like the luckiest person in the world. I am thinking alot about our old youth Pastor whose daughter died last August and would have been one today. I just feel so bad for them and sometimes feel guilty for what I have. I wish there wasn't pain like that for people to endure. I know that its not God doing it and that we will see our loved ones that have gone on to Heaven one day and it will be a joyous reunion. But, I also can imagine the excrutiating pain of a loss like that. When I worked with people who lossed love ones in Chicago, it seemed like especially when you lose a child, you never are fully the same. You go on, you live life, you even get to a point where you enjoy aspects of it, but with or without God, your never the same. The grief of that must be hard too. A loss of all you once were. I pray for them constantly and hope they are lifted up by the prayers. It also makes me all that more grateful for the blessings that have been given to me. To never take it for granted,ever.
Ok, on a lighter note, I have been feeling the baby move, tiny little flutters, so cool. It makes it more real. I seriously sometimes forget I am pregnant. We find out in three weeks what we are having, can't wait!!


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

My baby is turning one!!

Well, Matthew will be one on Friday!! I can't believe it! It really seems like just yesterday that he was given to us! I have to admit that today I got teary eyed watching him play. He is getting so big! He cruises all around, crawls, says "Mama" "Dada" and "Hi". He loves playing with balls and cups and loves being outside. He is all boy!! He is beautiful with his big blue eyes and blond hair, yes he is our biological child!:) I have to wonder what gift we will get this coming October when our new baby comes! Speaking of that, all is going great, no more morning sickness!! I really think this baby is a girl ,we will soon see since I am nearly 14 weeks now! Back to bubbies bday, Grandma and Papa Azzaro are coming on Fri and we are having a party on Sunday. His little friends, Preston, Joie and cousin Derek are all coming. It should be fun to watch the bubbies eat cake !! He loves food!! Blessed, simply and abundantly blessed, my cup runneth over!


Saturday, April 08, 2006

12 weeks and counting

Well, I am offically 12 weeks pregnant. I can't believe that time has gone by so quickly. I hope the rest of it goes smoothly and as quickly. Jeff keeps saying that this is our last child, but I strongly feel its not in God's plan for us only to have 2. I really feel more like 3 or possibly 4. But, Jeff will have to come along way in his faith to trust God with that one! He is such a numbers man, heck he is an accountant. But, as with this little surprise , God's plan will prevail! I am trying to be better about praying for us as a couple and for Jeff specifically. Our Bible study this week was about Abigail and how she was a devoted wife, even though her first husband was a total loser! God blessed her and that is what I want for us, but Jeff of course is not a totally loser:)!! I am feeling bored right now and envious of our good friends who are out with a group of their friends at dinner! I shouldn't ,we have plenty of fun ourselves, its just been kind of blah day! Oh well, tommorrow is a new day! Palm Sunday! Praise God for his wonderful gift and sacrifice of His Son!


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Cereal anyone??

Today is not a good pregnant day, I feel very naseous and have all day...I made stew for dinner but can't even really bring myself to look at it, let alone eat it. I want to eat Count Chocula cereal all day long!! Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Matthew and I went to the mall today, he got a haircut and it looks so cute. I bought some Crocs, for anyone who doesn't know or have a pair, I highly recommend them. They are made of rubber and are oh so comfy. I also bought a strawberry orange smoothie and Matthew kept wanting some so I let him try...he loved it!! I ended up putting some in his little sippy and he gulped it down! I love that little man so much!! My friend Sherry and I were suppose to go to the movie tonight, but her little boy has been plaqued with reccurent high fevers for over a week now, so she had to cancel! Poor little guy. Hopefully he recovers soon!


Saturday, March 25, 2006

Happy Birthday to me!

Well, I am almost offically 31!!! I can't believe I have spent my last two birthdays preggers! I had a very nice day, Matthew stayed with Grandma Barb and I went to Lansing to see my friend Sarah and my friend Pam, who just had her second child, a little boy named Jacob. What a peanut!! He is such a sweetie! Then, I came back to Jeff's mom's house for dinner! I didn't think I would have a cake but I ended up with 3!! Sarah, Pam and Jeff all got me one! How nice!! Matthew had a great time with Grandma and Grandpa! He always does! It was nice to get away! So, boring but Blessed!!


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Bubbies is having surgery!!

Hello all, I don't think anyone reads this but me, but I like to write it like there is at least one person out there! Tommorrow Matthew is having tubes put in his ears! I know it routine, but its my first experience with letting someone take my child and put him under with drugs and cut him! Ok, a little dramatic but... I know it will help the poor little guy who has suffered from consecutive ear infections for a over six months now! I know God will watch over our little Bubbers! I can't believe he is 11 months old! I am almost 10 weeks pregnant, feeling mostly yucky but not as bad as with Matthew. I was looking up girls names today, I kind of like Kaylin. We will see what militant name giver, aka Jeff thinks about that! What else is new?? My parents are in route on their way back from "wintering" in Florida !It will be nice to have them closer. My mom is coming next weekend for my friend Sarah's baby shower, should be fun. Oh, I can't believe I forgot, we have ants! They started in the kitchen and when I was Swiffering the basement I found them , dead, all over yuck. The ant guy is coming on Thursday, great just what out already tight budget needs, a big bill from Orkin!!! Oh well, it will all work out in the wash! Right???