Birthday weekend pictures

Before and afters

I am really fed up with uploading pics on Blogger right now. I spent alot of time doing it yesterday and then it wouldn't load to the page...uggh! So,I will post some Matthew birthday pics later. Many people have asked me if I am taking pictures of my weight loss progression..of course! Here are a few..

S

Whee...I'm three!

Matthew had a wonderful third birthday. We had a family party on Sunday where he received many nice gifts including; a new picnic table, easel,Leap Pad, fire truck,a Woody doll from the Toy Story movie and lots of play dough stuff! He had so much fun being the center of attention. Yesterday, his actual bday we went to John Ball Zoo in GR..it leaves alot to be desired! We won't be returning! I am glad we have the Binder Park Zoo so close! He got a zoo pass from my mom and dad for his bday so we will be making lots of trips there! I tried out my new double jogger stroller..its wonderful! So light and easy to push!
Matthew was so well behaved this entire weekend. He seemed older to me so much like a big boy. Last night at Bible study we had to tell the person next to us the last time God revealed himself to us. At first I was like, "Hmm..let me think" but I ended up saying, "Through the gift of my little boy and being able to celebrate his birthday." I am so thankful for both of my children. Although many times mothering doesn't bring out the best in me its something I wouldn't trade for anything.
S

My baby is growing up...

Matthew will be three in two days..I can hardly believe it! We have had a busy couple of days around here. My mom came into town on Thursday to help me prep for our annual neighboorhood garage sale. It was quite successful for us which is nice since it did take a lot of work. I sold alot of baby clothes which was, I have to admit a little bittersweet. I am pretty sure we're done but selling all those teeny tiny outfits makes me a little sad. However, chasing crazy Caroline around the yard then brings me crashing back into reality! :) This afternoon we cleaned up and got ready for tommorrows big birthday celebration. Its just a family party this year but Matthew is VERY into his birthday. Sadly, he thinks he is getting a dog..HE IS NOT! No matter how cute he is when he looks at me with his big eyes and says,"All my life I have wanted a dog named Fluffy" he won't be getting one anytime soon! Its so cute though, if you ask him what he wants for his birthday he will say, "A dog" We are everyone over for dinner after church and then on Monday we are going to the Zoo in Grand Rapids. I wanted to go to the Zoo in Battle Creek, but it doesn't open until Tuesday. He is very excited about this trip! His Grandma and Papa Azzaro and Grandma Barb are coming along and daddy took the day off too! Fun stuff I tell you! I will post pics from the various celebrations soon! Hope your enjoying this lovely Spring weather!

S

Birthdays galore

April is a busy birthday month for the Simpsons. It all starts on April 2nd with my brother, Jeff and his twin sister Jenny's is the 4th,my brother in law Keith's is the 12th, our nephew Derek's is the 17th and Matthew's is the 21st. So, needless to say it can get a little kooky with that much cake eating:)
Jenny, Brian and Derek are in town this weekend to celebrate Derek's bday. We went over to Barb's today and of course the kids had a blast. Matthew just loves playing with Derek and they get along really well. Caroline was her usual get into everything self. Gotta love her adventursome spirit right?! She is now on oral antibiodics for her ear infections. They got worse over the past week. She has been very fussy as a result.
Last night we went out with some friends to celebrate a birthday. We went to the piano bar in downtown Kalamazoo, it was a lot of fun. Tonight, after a long day at grandmas we're just laying low. The kids are asleep and I am catching up on some blog reading and emailing and then plan on settling into the couch for the movie, "The Memory Keeper's daughter" on Lifetime. I read the book last summer and really enjoyed it. Tommorrow I have the dreaded church nursery duty. I hate to admit that I dread it but I do! After church its back to Grandma's for more playing..
Happy Saturday!

Fun day

Jeff and I had a great time at our Final Four party in Hudsonville. We saw some friends we haven't seen in awhile. This is a group of pals we have been friends with for almost fifteen years so its always a great time. We also found out that one of our friends is pregnant with identical twins! They have struggled greatly over the past 18 months to get and stay pregnant so this is a huge blessing! We stayed the night and even got to sleep in! Of course it didn't feel like it since we were up till 2 am playing Catch Phrase!
When we got home we had fun with the kids outside playing. Our next door neighboor who Matthew is obessed with asked if she could take Matthew on a walk to the local grocery store, I have to admit I was like, "Are you sure you want to attempt this? But he did really well and even got an icecream treat! They were gone for almost an hour so we got lots done! We cleaned up the yard and garage some to prepare for the upcoming neighboorhood garage sale.
Here are some pics from yesterday!

S"

Hard times in blogger land

The last couple of days I have been keeping up with some blogs of persons who are really struggling right now. There are two that I will mention here..www.ethanpowell.com and www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com
I have mentioned Ethan before. He is I believe about 15 months old and has been battling leukimia since he was two months old. He is not doing well at all right now. His parents are such believers in prayer and God has delievered little Ethan from dying before but tonight its looking grim. Then there is Audrey Caroline. She is the unborn daughter of the leader singer of a Christian group that escapes me right now..I will look it up and post it later..my mind is totally blanking! Anyways, she has far too many problems to live outside of her mother's womb. She is due to be delivered on April 7th and baring a miracle die that same day. Her parents have exhibited such faith and grace throughout this difficult journey, its nothing short of awe inspiring. My heart breaks for Ethan and for Audrey Caroline. I wish there was something more I could offer but know that my prayers may offer some peace with all the collective thousands that are being offered up for them and those that hold them dear.
Today, Caroline has been acting very strange. She has had spells of crying uncontrollably for up to an hour and half at a time. I took her to the Immediate care facility b/c our ped was completly booked. She has an ear infection so in a few days she will be fine. I noticed after I layed her down for bed that she was still making noises so I scooped her up and took her into our room to rock her. Something she normally will have none of. But tonight she just layed there and sucked those little fingers and would periodically look up at me and smile and give me her sweet little butterfly kisses. It was so precious, especially in light of the weight of all that is going on with parents and their children all over this world. I just felt grateful and blessed to be with this precious little girl who've we been blessed with.
So, moral of this blog...
IF YOU HAVE KIDS, young or old, go to them, if you can, PICK THEM UP, hug them ,shower them with kisses, if they are OLD, call them up and remind them how much they mean to you. After all, we never know what tommorrow holds...

I am going to kill Mother nature

I have blogged on this previously but I seriously need some Spring and I need it now. Matthew is going to go off his rocker if he doesn't get his hiney outside for several hours and several days in a row! He just stands at the window and says, " Its not raining, get your coat mommy, we're going outside!" If it wasn't raining cats and dogs, I would gladly take him out.
Caroline's language is exploding since her tubes have been in. Her newest vocab is
Papa, hot cocoa, poop, gotta love that one, dada, baby and sucker. That girl loves the suckers. She had her first one at at haircut a few weeks ago and just kept saying, "MMMMMMMMMMMM" too cute.
My weekend at Union Pier was great, I highly recommend the Inn at Union Pier. They are very hospitable. This weekend Jeff and I are going to a NCAA basketball party with some friends from college in Hudsonville. It should be very fun. We ended up bartering with our college babysitter. She is staying overnight and Jeff is doing her taxes for free. I am so sad b/c she is going to Spain for five months in August! What will we do with out our Staci!! I am so glad that she is able to have this opportunity. I never traveled abroad while in college, the parental units weren't at all for that, at least they weren't for paying for it! :)
Hope your week is going wonderfully!
S

Patootie

Last week when Keith's dad was ailing my sister told me a story that broke my heart. Apparently, when he first came to the hospital he was fine but within an hour the bleeding started to really make his condition deteriorate quickly. His daughter, Janis, whom I just adore...she is just an awesome person had arrived and the doctor asked Ken if he knew who she was. He said he did but when asked what her name was he answered with , " I have no idea." Janis then said, "That's ok Dad, tell them my nickname" Ken didn't know that either. He ended up being vented later that day and then dying. Before we went to Detroit I kept thinking about that and he just broke my heart. I hated that was her last interaction with her father. Especially b/c that isn't like him at all. So, on Weds night she told a story that just floored me. Her cousin came up to her at the funeral home on Tuesday night and said that he had a dream that he felt he needed to tell her about. He dreamnt the night before Ken died that Ken came to him in his dream and said " You have to tell Janis "Patottie" and then he said toots and that in his dream Ken died. He didn't know at the time that his uncle was even in the hospital. The next day he got a call from his mom telling him the news and the dream suddenly made more sense. Apparently her cousin had a dog called Patootie and Janis was born around the same time as the dog and suddenly the dog's name became her nickname..go figure! She took such comfort from that revelation. It was if her dad was saying, " I knew who you were,I just wasn't able to tell you." Such a simple story but adds such comfort to everyone involved. Another interesting story is that when they took him off the vent his heart immediately stopped beating. The neurologist said that he has never seen that happen in over 30 years of practicing medicine. Keith laughed at this fact because Ken was never one for long goodbyes. When he was at a family gathering and he was ready to go, he was gone. They took his quick goodbye as I sign that he was truly ready to go home and that he was ok. I know we will all be ok as time goes on!

S

Being the strong ones?

My mom and I just got back from Keith's dad's funeral today. We left yesterday morning to drive to Novi to help my sister and her 6.5 year old and 3.5 year old and Keith's sister Janis's two kids who are 7.5 and 6.5. It was nice to be able to help them out. Apparently the took the kids up to the funeral home on Tuesday night and my niece Claire was really struggling with seeing her Papa like that. We stayed with them during the day yesterday and the things the kids were saying just about broke my heart. They all seemed quiet and down and random comments about Ken would just kind of pop out. Claire found some pictures of Ken and said, "That is when we use to have good times, not anymore now that he's dead we won't have anymore." I reassured her that Papa was in heaven where its a good time 24/7 and that he wouldn't want us to be too sad for too long. That right now everyone is sad but to rest assured that their are plenty of good times to be had. Janis's little boy Jacob said to me,"I am really sad, I am going to miss my Papa so much" My mom and I joked that we were the ones who had to be strong and keep it together b/c the kids had been seeing their parents and grandma so distraught but the honesty of a child's grief can really get you!
It was a beautiful service that truly honored all Ken was...he exemplified what it means to have a servants heart and will be greatly missed!
Thanks to wonderful Grandma Barb and some babysitters all remained ok on the homefront. Tommorrow I am going to Union Pier with the girls from my Steering Committee from my MOPS group, it should be fun. Then, Saturday we have a wedding to go to. Its been a busy and draining week so tommorrow I am hoping to just relax!! Have a good weekend!
S

Ken update

Keith's dad died last night. Obviously everyone is sad that he is gone but glad that he didn't have to suffer any longer or live a life that had no quality to it. Apparently the stroke would have left him pretty impaired. My mom is flying up here tommorrow and she and I are going to Novi Weds and Thursday for the wake and funeral. We're pretty much at my sister's disposal with whatever she needs as far as help with my niece and nephew who are 6.5 and 3.5.

At least we know Ken is happy and healthy at home with Jesus!
S

Blue

I just spoke with my mom who spoke with my sister a little while ago so I now have some more details about Ken's condition. Apparently he did have a stroke. He had bleeding on both sides of his brain. So, it looks medically grim, but all of us who know and love Ken know this man can defy any odds. He is a fighter and I truly believe that he can survive this. My head tells me this, but my heart hurts for everyone closely involved. I am sure most people don't really even care that much about their sister's inlaws, but Keith's family seems like my family too. They are so caring and nice. In fact, Joan, Keith's mom had just called me a few weeks ago to see how I was doing with the surgery. He is only 69 and I am sorry, that is to young to die or have no quality of life.
I just continue to lift everyone up and prayer and BELIEVE he can and will be healed!
S

more pics

Can you not upload more than like four pics at a time?? I never can!?

Easter in the tundra!

That is what it seemed like on Friday when we received a whopping 14 inches of snow!! Today its been nice and sunny though...good! Hopefully we can melt this white stuff once and for all! We had a very enjoyable Easter. It started with Easter baskets for the kids. Matthew got candy and a Mr. Potato Head. Caroline got candy, which daddy will mostly eat and the movie Dumbo. Then it was off to church and then back here for a big ol'supper. My turkey turned out well! I highly recommend both the roaster and the stuffing it with cut up lemons, oranges and rosemary! YUMAROO!
Here are some pics from the past week and today! One is of me and a new top I bought for my birthday which is on Tuesday. This year for the first time in 20 years I wasn't in tears trying to find something to wear on Easter. I have very vivid, traumatic memories and not having anything that fit. It was so nice today to have several choices!
Update on my prayer requests, Ken is still sedated. Please pray specifically that he would wake up and recover FULLY! and of course, let us not forget

CHRIST IS RISEN!!

Please pray

Hello all
Please pray for my brother in law's dad, Ken. He was in Home Depot yesterday morning and felt ill and fainted. He was taken via ambulance to the ER where they discovered he had bleeding on his brain. Over the last twelve hours things have progressively gotten worse. He is now on a vent and is unresponsive. Just yucky stuff!
Also, please pray for a girl who went to my highschool who was vacationing in Cancun, MX and contracted some kind of bacterial infection and on life support. She is 30 weeks pregnant with her second child, she has a nine month old. They finally we're able to airlift her to Grand Rapids yesterday I think so hopefully now she is getting better care. I feel like everytime the phone rings or I check my email its really bad, scary news. I do take comfort in knowing that b/c of what Jesus did for us on this very day we can look forward to a world where there is no more death or machines helping pregnant women stay alive.

Easter

I love Holy Week.. I usually try and mix it up and go to more traditional churches throughout the week. But, yesterday our church had a converted Jew speak about the signifigance of Passover in the Resurrection story. It was AWESOME!! I think if I could do it all over again I might go to IWU and major in Old Testemant studies, is that even a major? I find myself fascinated by the history and the relevance of the Old Testament. Having recently studied Genesis and Exodus in Bible studies, I had the background to truly understand the circumstances of the Passover celebration. The speaker had a thick Russian accent so you had to pay close attention but it almost had me in tears by the end. It was one of those moments when your feeling like, "How could people NOT believe that Christ was the Messiah?" Tommorrow night I am going to a Good Friday service at an Episcopal church. It should be interesting. I was raised Episcopalian and have found myself missing the tradition of that denomination lately. I never thought I would say that!
In other news, we started Matthew's OT on Wednesday. It was interesting to see what they do. They did things like brushed his body with a surgical brush in a rhythmic pattern,made him swing and listen to "Special music". He did pretty well with most of it. I have to do the brushing and special compressions to his joints three times daily. I thought maybe he was calming down a little but today he jumped into a pond...yes you read that right, JUMPED INTO A POND! We were leaving my girlfriend's house who had just cut Caroline's hair. They have a little pond in their front lawn. Matthew ran away from me and then as he ran back towards me, I saw him look at the pond with that "I am about to do something naughty"look and in he went! Completly submerged! I was right there and pulled him to safety. His startled face was priceless and his lost sucker and freezing cold body being stripped of icy clothing was, I think, punishment enough! Thankfully, I had a sweater and blanket in the car. He said to me, "I can't wear this, its not for little boys, its for mommies!" I was proud of myself for not freaking.
This weekend we're staying her and having Jeff's family over for Easter. I am making a turkey for the first time ever...YIKES!
Have a wonderful Easter!
S

Why I love Matthew

I am feeling bad for always complaining about my little boy. The last couple of days he has been saying some really adorable things..

Today at the mall in the dressing room as I tried on a top,
"Mommy you look beautiful!"
Yesterday while Jeff was giving him a bath and almost fell into it while getting up
"Whoa daddy! Be careful, if you fell on my you'd crush me!"
Sunday after church carrying a gigantic palm he'd received,
"This is my palm to welcome Jesus on his donkey"
This morning while snuggling
"I want to give you kisses and huggies and eat you all up for lunch!"
We went to see the Easter bunny this morning and to ride the carousel. Both the kids were awesome!
Even better, Matthew is taking a nap today! Blessed be!

S

Spring Fever

The Simpsons are aching for Spring! Thankfully, we have been blessed with two beautiful days in which we were able to be outside. We went on long walks and to the park. Just when I thought I would have an easier summer..CAROLINE! That little stinker is such a pain in the way she gets into everything that she is not suppose to but I have to say she is so cute doing it!! Today at the park the kindergartners were playing on the playground and about ten of them were lined up to take their turn on the slide. Did this deter Caroline from climbing UP the slide...never! She screamed when I kept repeatedly kept removing her head and shook her head NO! Oh well, I have been blessed with extremly active children what can I say!
Tommorrow we're going to an Easter egg hunt. I have enlisted Grandma Barb to help rear the troops. I don't know how people with more than two kids ever do things alone! (Jeff has to work in the am. ) Tommorrow night I am going out to dinner with some girls from church.
In the "gastric bypass" world things are going ok. I am now down nearly 70 pounds. Even my skinny clothes I had are getting big..yipee. But, the most exciting part is that I am enjoying working out again. I have gone on several good long walks at a pretty good clip and it feels glorious. I mean the difference between walking without 70 pounds is substanial. I feel so light in my shoes! I even had a desire to run, but was reminded by the jiggling buttocks area that I will definetly be needing spandex under the running pants before I run an marathons! TMI!! I feel good and am excited for Spring and my upcoming birthday money to buy some news clothes!
Have a wonderful weekend!
S

Mr. Sensory Seeker

Don't you love how parenting goes with the good comes the bad. Today very much exemplified this for me and my dear little Matthew. He has been getting speech therapy for the last 18 months. He has excelled in this and pretty much speaks like your average almost three year old now. When I first started thinking about getting him evaluated I got all types of feedback varying from supportive to "your crazy" looks. It was definetly the best decision for him. His therapist, the beloved "Ms. Karla" told us today that she is most likely going to dismiss him in May. This is the first time she has done this in many years she said! Yeah Matty Man!!
So, his speech is well in check. But, his behavior...not so much. As I have eluded to in many a post, he really has been driving me insane. So, after discussing it with some girlfriends I decided to have him evaluated for a sensory disorder. Today we met with an OT and Matthew I proud to say was in rare form..he was terribly behaved! I obviously hate when this happens but it was kind of nice to be like, "This is why we are here!" She asked me what I wanted Matthew and Jeff and I to get out of therapy and I was saddened by my answer. I told her that I am not enjoying being his parent as much as I used to. That its exhausting dealing with his tantrums, crazy behvior and aggression. Case in point, while in Midland we took a walk to my friends parents house. As we were leaving, I was buckling Caroline in her stroller when crazy man took off running. He got about a 45 sec headstart which was enough to have me chasing him almost an entire block! Thank goodness I have lost close to 70 pounds or I think he'd still be running. When I finally caught up to him I was so mad I wanted to strangle him. I kept telling him how he can't run away from mommy and daddy b/c he could get hurt and finally I just blurted out, "A car could hit you and you could die." A little to abrupt maybe but I think he got it b/c now whenever he sees a car and we are outside he will say "Careful mommy, there is a car, I won't run so I won't die" GREAT!:(
Anyways, the OT evaluated him and diagnosed him as a sensory seeker. I am still researching what this means but for now it means he will go to see the OT once a week. I am praying that this helps him better able to control his crazy little body. I just want him to be the best Matthew God created him to be. I just want to be the best mommy God desires me to be. Right now..I think we're sadly 0 for 0!
S

Very Healthy Girl!

AMEN!! That is what the doctor wrote on Caroline's height and weight slip today! All of her various "issues" seemed to be resolved or treated one way or another. Meaning glasses for the lazy eye, tubes for the ears, no peanuts for the allergies:)! She weighed in at 27 pounds and is 31 and 1/2 inches long. She is still bigger than most 16 month olds. It was nice to just have a normal appointment.
Tommorrow the kids and I are treking up to Midland to visit some of my old high school friends. It should be crazy busy but also fun! I will take lots of photos! I just realized I posted alot this week!
S

Who me?

Caroline is such a stinker when it comes to climbing! She constantly tries to climb on top of the kitchen table! Matthew is still not napping and we have had major issues lately. He is like a wild horse at time that will not be broken! I have asked my Bible study to really pray for me and him and our relationship. It was so bad yesterday that I was crying to Jeff and said that sometimes I feel like I can't be an effective mom to him. He gets under my skin worse than anyone I have ever known and this causes me to feel so badly. I just completly lose my temper with him. So, today I just would put him in his room when he was really naughty and just stop and ask God for help. Obviously it worked! Actually after Caroline went to bed for the night we had some really sweet time together. One day at a time, ok really more like one second at a time!!:)
S

Hearts beyond the veil....

I can't say enough times how much I have learned from my Beth Moore Bible study. Last night I was so moved by something she pointed out that I wanted to blog about it. Last night we discussed the veil that seperated the alter of sacrifice from the alter of incense and the ark of the covenant. Beth discussed that the veil basically represents the promises of God and how we can have confidence in His words. That we are roped to something beyond the vail that will ALWAYS hold us up. An anchor for our tossed and tumbled souls is what she said. That hopelessness will always make your soul sick. We need to remember that God never has a bad day, God never gets too busy. Most importingly, God WILL NEVER PROVE FALSE!
She brought our attention to Psalm 73 which states the following:
14 All day long I have been plagued
I have been punished every morning.
15 If I had said, "I will speak thus"
I would have betrayed your children.
16. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final
destiny.
I will admit when I first read this scripture I was like, "HUH?"
But when she further explained it I was truly moved. She said that basically the writer of this Psalm was like, "Listen God, I have been good and faithful,even through the crappy events of this world and especially my life. But, I am a little more than irritated with my state of affairs. Yet, I don't complain outward because I don't want someone who is weaker in faith to doubt you." The most important point she made was that the writer took his DOUBT to God. The best place to take it!
In light of what some of my friends are struggling with as of late, it was so nice to hear this and to maybe be able to offer this insight to them because lets face it, when you know people who have been through hardship after hardship you run out of things to say. I love the analogy of being roped to God that He will never let you go.I imagine the writer of the psalm yanking really hard at it to maybe even get away as if to say.."UHHHHHHHHH!! God I am so frustrated! Make it better! NOW!! or I will cut this rope!" Aren't we blessed to have a God who will never let us cut it and will never let go!?

S

A night away

This weekend I went to Chicago for a girlfriend's baby shower and to visit with some old friends. The weather was great for driving and I had a great time. I ended up staying at the baby shower for almost four hours and catching up with some old work pals. Then, I met up with one of my closest "Chicago" friends for dinner and I spent the night at her house. This morning I met yet another girlfriend who is pregnant with her first baby,to give her my maternity clothes. We also did a little shopping. It was nice to "escape" from the kids for a night. It was so nice to have adult conversations too. I love having lots of friends from various "places" from my life. I was joking that if they ever ended up in one room it would certainly be interesting. There is such a range but I like to keep things hopping!!
This week is pretty slow for us. Caroline has her 15 month check up, almost two months past due. Hopefully they won't discover anymore medical ailments!! Have a good week!
S

Snowbound Squeaky

Here are the pics of Caroline in the snow...don't you just love the mismatched hat! That is the only hat she will leave on her little head..little stinker!

Caroline's first time in the snow

We are blessed to have some awesome neighbors here. Our favorite neighbors are Jaime and Steve who have two little girls who are 5and 2. Matthew loves playing with the "guys" and I love hanging out with Jamie. She is a great sounding board and is always great about helping me out if I need anything from someone to watch the kids last minute to a cup of sugar. Yesterday morning we were having a playdate and talked about needing to take the kids outside for some playing in the snow time. Matthew was quite the bear yesterday and honestly I didn't want to do anything that required effort on my part with him by 4pm. But, Jamie called and we bascially talked ourselves into it. I bundled up Caroline and we took her out too. She wasn't so sure, she could barely walk but I think she enjoyed it. I will post pictures later. Matthew, that little crazy at one point lost his boots and was running in the snow in thin socks for almost five minutes before I noticed. I told Jeff it scares me how much that kid can take. I mean his little tootsies had to have been freezing. I asked Jeff if he thought he had a sensory disorder. Jeff thinks he is so smart that he knew if I discovered the missing boots that I might make him go in so better to just run around in socks! Strange little man...
Caroline is sick again! She has had lots of iccky poops and an incredibly sore bottom. She screams in terror as you change her and for about twenty minutes afterwards. She also has a fever..I feel like she can't catch a break.
This weekend I am going to Chicago for a friend's babyshower. I am super excited to see her and some other friends I have seen in awhile and of course to have a kid free day and night! Am I horrible for admitting this??:(
S

Family Fun

This weekend Jeff's twin sister Jenny was in town. We went over to Barb's house on Saturday for the day. We also went over after church for a big dinner and more playing. Matthew is sitll not napping but going to be at like 6 because he is absolutely exhausted. Matthew and Caroline had so much fun playing with Derek and Jessica and Allison. Jessica and Allison took them outside in the snow. Jessica didn't have her gear so one of the pictures is of her doning grandma's shoveling attire. We also found out that we are going to have a new niece or nephew in October! Jenny is pregnant. Its kind of weird b/c Derek and Matthew are only 3 days apart and the new baby is due a day after Caroline's birthday!
S

GUILTY!

We received the news last night that Eric Hanson was found guilty in the murders of his mother, father,sister and brother in law. Its my prayer that the people's lives that have been deeply destroyed and forever altered may begin to heal now that they know he will spend the rest of his life behind bars.

Here is an article...
Eric Christopher Hanson was born into a family of privilege, the youngest child and only son of two high school sweethearts.

But, instead of honoring the two people who gave him life, the Naperville man stole tens of thousands of dollars in an elaborate credit card scheme in their names.

Hanson admits being a thief, but he argued that does not make him a cold-blooded killer.

A DuPage County jury did not agree.

After three hours of deliberations, jurors swiftly convicted Hanson late Wednesday of killing his parents,sister and her husband in late September 2005 in a murderous rampage discovered in the affluent White Eagle subdivision on Aurora's far-east side.


Hanson was convicted of all counts of first-degree murder, armed robbery, aggravated kidnapping and identity theft.

The jury of eight men and four women listened to more than 50 witnesses and considered about 415 pieces of physical evidence during 10 days of testimony before rendering its verdict. The panel's work, though, if far from over in the death penalty case.

DuPage Circuit Judge Robert Anderson instructed members to return Thursday morning to decide whether Hanson is eligible for capital punishment and whether to impose it. If so, Hanson will become the 14th condemned man on Illinois' death row.

The verdict ends the first phase of a hard-fought trial. DuPage Public Defender Robert Miller argued prosecutors lack a confession, both murder weapons and, despite two crime scenes with four bodies, a single hair, fiber, fingerprint or shoe print or other forms of DNA placing Hanson at either location. In fact, seven unidentified partial bloody shoe prints found at his sister's home were not traced back to Eric.

"Tell me how Eric committed a mass murder without leaving one bit of evidence that a 21st-century crime lab could not detect?" Miller asked.

The murderous rampage was discovered Sept. 29, 2005, in the home of Katherine "Kate" Hanson-Tsao and her husband, Jimmy, in Aurora.

Kate, 31, and her 34-year-old husband were fatally bludgeoned in their home, likely at 10:43 p.m. Sept. 28, 2005, the final keystroke on Jimmy's laptop, found lying near him.

Prosecutors said 57-year-old Terrance Hanson and his wife, Mary, 55, were shot a short time later in their Naperville home, where Eric also lived. The elder couple's bodies, each clad in sleeping attire and lying on a painter's drop cloth, were transferred to Kate's home five miles away.

Police did not find signs of forced entry to either home; valuables weren't touched.

The existence of a second crime scene in Naperville was crucial in the trial because Hanson placed himself in the home that night. He told jurors he was sleeping downstairs and didn't hear a disturbance.

Police said they discovered a bloodstained mattress; a fired bullet in the attic, which is on the other side of a wall behind the headboard to the Hansons' bed; and evidence someone used a drill and wood filler to cover the headboard's bullet hole.

"I guess someone else sneaked into that house while he was sleeping and murdered the parents whom he was stealing from," prosecutor Robert Berlin said. "Who else has a motive to clean up and make it look like the murders didn't happen in that house?"

Police also found bloodstains elsewhere in the bedroom and in the passenger seat of Mary Hanson's Saturn SUV.

Detectives had developed Hanson as a suspect within an hour. His other sister,Williams, who lives in Minnesota, identified her brother and said he had threatened to kill Kate six weeks earlier if she told their father about the credit card fraud.

Hanson, though, denied making the threat. But prosecutors presented a jailhouse letter he later wrote to his cousin in which he admits threatening Kate.

Hanson told jurors both his parents knew and agreed to let him pay the money back without police involvement.

Police arrested Hanson one day after the grisly discovery after he returned from a one-day trip in Los Angeles to visit his ex-fiancee. Officers found Kate's $24,000 wedding ring and Jimmy's Rolex watch in his sport-utility vehicle.

Hanson explained he simply was returning the jewelry, but didn't get a chance before his trip. He couldn't explain another piece of evidence crucial to the prosecution.

Hanson told jurors he had no idea how a rubber glove with his father's blood ended up in a zipped plastic bag, along with three other gloves,in his SUV.

The prosecution team - Berlin, Michael and Nancy Wolfe - argued the financial motive, timeline, GPS technology, and the other evidence such as the bloody glove and Hanson's multiple lies were overwhelming proof.

Miller and Elizabeth Reed, a senior assistant defender, contend police zeroed in on Hanson from the onset, never considering any other possible suspect.

Allergy girl update

I almost forgot to post about Caroline's allergy apppointment on Monday. It went well but it turns out she is indeed allergic to peanuts and eggs. At least it wasn't that huge list of items that the ped office initially told me. The bad news is we have to take all peanut products out of our house and Matthew basically exists on PB&J's so that isn't going to be fun. I did buy some Almond Butter today, I am not sure if it will go over well, it looks eekie and its $8 for a small container. But, the doctor warned with peanut allergies one time you may just get a swollen lip and eye and the next time could be anaphelytic death...scary. We do have epi pens in the house and we know how to use them and we tell everyone who cares for the kids about it but you just can't be too safe.
Both the kids have bouts with the "runs" as of late. Caroline since Sunday, Matthew began today..yipee! Plus, Matthew has boycotted naps the last five days! Good thing I love those little stinkies so much!!

S

Snow, rain...water in your basement!

Is the end coming or what? What is up with this weather!! After endless days of snow and ice came the flood like rains of Sunday. Jeff mentioned that he hoped we wouldn't get water in our basement. Of course, he never checked it out..bad hubbie! Anyways, I was playing with the kids down here yesterday when Matthew wanted a box, when I picked it up I noticed it was soaking wet. I then discovered two areas that were pretty saturated on either side of the playroom and computer room. Thankfully, its not a huge area but we can't really figure out where the water is coming from without ripping out much of the drywall. We have it nearly dried out but it does concern me. Ahh, the joys of homeownership and midwest living.
Bible study last night was AWESOME again. I had a total Ah ha moment. In the discussion portion I disclosed how sometimes I struggle with prayer b/c I feel like although God hears me I feel like His mind is made up and that it seems like suffering is more His plan than not. I feel badly for thinking this but I do feel like this. Well, in the video portion Beth Moore spoke directly to this and obviously refuted that. She literally said, "For those of you out there on the otherside of this screen who feel like God is going to do what he is going to do so what difference would your prayer make, your mistaken." I literally got shivers. I can't say enough about what this study has meant to me. I have been educated and moved more from these five weeks than ever before.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous week!

S

New Clothes

Last night I had fun buying new clothes for the first time in almost 10 years!! Lane Bryant, a plus size store just moved out of the mall and into a strip mall. I went over for their "grand opening" on Friday night and found myself amongst many, many women. Apparently to celebrate their big move everything in the store was 40% off. It was not great timing b/c Jeff and I had plans to go out for dinner and I literally had to get back home within a 1/2 hour. So, I grabbed a bunch of stuff and bought it to take home and try on. When Jeff and I were finished with dinner we had some time to kill and we went back to return the stuff that didn't work and pick up some other items. It was so much fun. Having choices. Something that I didn't want to admit but it was true. Before I started losing weight I had none! I was pretty much wearing the same five things over and over this past year. It gives me such incentive to make the right choices and forgo the items that aren't what I should be eating. I like feeling attractive again! Now for my next goal...to get out of Lane Bryant and into Ann Taylor! Everytime I have been in that store (usually to buy a giftcard or with a friend who shops there) I feel like they are looking at me like "Sorry sister, your too big for Ann!" and thats if they even speak to me. I have been in there where they just plain ingnore me!I am going to be like Pretty Women when she goes back to Rodeo Drive after they dissed her and say, "Remember me? I am buying a whole new wardrobe, big mistake..huge!":)
Hee hee!
S

The perfect valentine

Today, being that its the big Valentines day, I was struck with how when we seek God assistance, He perfectly matches us with our spouses. I started thinking about this as I was sitting amongst the couples in my small group last night. We were talking about adultery and it ended up being a pretty interesting conversation. I could never imagine cheating on Jeff. There would have to be many poor decisions made before that would happen. But, I see the importance of guarding your marriage and protecting it. Anyways, as I looked around to the couples I thought how perfect they were with each other. They compliment each other so well. I am grateful for a good husband and marriage. So many people are not nearly as fortunate.
Here are my top five reasons for being in love with my husband this Valentines day

1. His unwavering devotion to me and the kids
2. His incredible patience with me when I am downright psychotic
3. His great fiancial sense which keeps us on the right path
4. His great sense of humor that keeps me laughing on the crazy days
5. His laid back personality totally compliment my "not so laid back" tempermant
In other news, today the kids and I hosted a playgroup/Valentines day party for two of my girlfriends I hardly see. It was fun. We made pizzas, finger painted with red paint and of course played. The kids all did really well! Tommorrow we have another playdate with some GR friends who are coming to town. Then tommorrow night Jeff and I are going out to dinner. The best part is that I won a gift certificate to a local resturant so it will be free...gotta love that!
S

OPEN WIDE

Well, after a trecherous drive up to the big ol' GR in which I thought my husband might kill me because I kept pumping my "imaginery"breaks and saying, "They're breaking, they're breaking, slow down!" I had my procedure to check out my throat and new gut. It seems I don't have a stricture after all. I did have quite a bit of inflamation at the site of the staple line so he removed some of them. Apparently they dissolve on their own but he helped it out while he is there. He basically said it takes the stomach some time to retrain its self and that basically right now the muscle, which is what your stomach is entirely made up of, is freaking out. Mildly annoying b/c the PA's and nutrionists talk a different game and act completly horrified at the thought of how little I am able to eat. Bottom line: I must get more protein in, even if that means choking down the ol' shakes. Yuckaroo!
Oh well! The procedure itself went well, they gave me a nice sedative and then a drug that makes you completly forget what happened...spooky! I was pretty groggy when I awoke, my legs felt as if they were made of lead. I snoozed the whole way home and feel normal now. Busy week here in Simpson land. Doctors apt, MOPS, Valentines parties and playdates...my kind of week! Enjoy yours!
S

Dentists and doctors

Matthew went to the dentist for the first time this week. He did really well. I was afraid that the dentist would yell at me for still allowing him to have his pacies but he did not. We are at least thinking about starting to get rid of them, that has to count for something right!
I went for my 6 week check up in Grand Rapids yesterday. I am officially 54 pounds less than when I began this journey on December 3! One discouraging thing is I have been really nauseous alot and throwing up too much. I know, TMI! They think I may have a stricture, which is a narrowing of the connection between the intenstine and stomach. So, even less food can get in. Now, I know this will sound weird but part of me doesn't mind it, the nausea and throwing up. I have grown use to it I guess. But, I also know if I keep it up I will end up malnourished and bald! Not a pretty picture! So, they will go in next week with a scope and blow it open a little further. I of course asked what happens if they make it too big? Apparently that doesn't happen. I am just hoping it makes eating a little less awful and I can continue to move on but in a healthier manner.
This weekend is pretty quiet. Jeff is of course working today. Tonight our nieces are coming over for a movie night. Tommorrow we have nursery duty and then I am going to our high school's production of "Thoroughly Modern Millie " with some friends and out to dinner.
Hope your having a great weekend!
S

Getting so big

I was looking at pictures of the kids today and I can't believe how big they are getting. Caroline will be 16 months old next week! Where has the time gone!? I still think of her as being a newborn. Matthew is getting so tall..he has such a big imagination. I think we played baby Jesus and Moses all day! This morning he said to me, "Mommy, tell me about Jesus and the Bible" too cute! My mom thinks maybe he will be a pastor. Hmm..can Pastors have really bad tempers???:)
S

The walls are closing in on us...

Do you ever feel like that in the winter? When I was younger I couldn't wait for a snow day so I could sleep in, watch tv and hang out with friends. We are currently getting a mix of snow and ice, nice! I am eagerly looking forward to Spring! Here are some pictures of the kids in the their favorite spot, the basement toyroom.
S

I hate tax season

My mom always said you should never hate anything...ok, I really, really, really dislike tax season almost to the point of hate! hee hee! I use to say that to her all the time! Saturdays are a real struggle for me. The day drags on and on and my patience begins at about -9 so that isn't good for me or the kids! Today we went to Lowes to buy some new doorknobs. Our laundry room knob isn't opening and its a real pain b/c we keep it closed otherwise Caroline gets into things in there. That girl is obsessed with shoes. She just like collecting them and carrying them around. Anyways,Matthew is having a very off, naughty day so I should have known better than to venture out but sometimes I just need to get stuff done. I wish we could replace all our doorknobs,they are quite dated, but we will start with two and go from there. I had a giftcard that I thought had over $30 on it but apparently one of us used it b/c when I went to check out it only had a balance of $2! So, what I originally thought was going to cost$25 ended up costing over $50. Mr. Budget..aka Jeff will not pleased about this. He seems to think a little WD40 would have fixed it..whatever! Jeff is such a procrastinator when it comes to fixing and doing household stuff so I had to take matters into my own hands!
Tonight Jeff is going out with some friends. He needs to! That poor guy never gets out and working two jobs essentially right now has to get old. I have to remember that and not wollow in my own "poor me" attitude. There is nothing poor me about my life!!
Tommorrow we're going to a Super Bowel party. Matthew is going to help me make a chocolate cake..he loves helping. Its pretty cute.
Hope your enjoying your weekend!
S

Tubies are in

Caroline's tubes went in yesterday morning without a hitch. She wasn't very happy in recovery but that was to be expected. That, in addition to the nurse who kept trying to talk to her, which only resulted in her screaming harder. I wanted to say,"Listen lady, I know you mean well but backoff she associates you with feeling crappy." She did calm down much quicker than I thought. They gave her two graham crackers which she held in her little chubby fists and wouldn't let go for anything. Jeff was off the whole day which was nice because she did have quite the whinney afternoon. Today she seems to be happy and hopefully on the road to healthier!
Last night my fellow Steering committee members from MOPS and I went over to a fellow mom's house to make NO HASSLE MEALS. Basically, its like Super Suppers but you do one of the prep jobs at your house and bring it with you and then you all work on different meals. I made five different meals plus five for my girlfriend in Lansing who is on bedrest. Her husband travels here and is picking them up tommorrow. It was alot of fun and now I have homemade meals at the ready!
Prayer request, the murder trial I have referenced is going on right now in Chicago. My mom called yesterday to say that our friend was traveling down to Chicago to support her son who is testifying today and tommorrow. Her son's name is Bob and he really needs our prayers. He has really declined mentally since this all occurred two years ago and really needs to feel the comfort and guidance of Christ. Thanks!

S

Forsaken

That word has been heavy on my heart the last two days..no, I don't feel forsaken. I pretty much feel the exact opposite of that. But, I keep having interactions with people who are really struggling to find hope and God in the midst of their struggles. One of these people is our good family friend who has been through so much in her lifetime but especially the last two years( four of her family members were killed by another family member, her husband gambled away her life savings, cheated on her and she had to declare bankrupcy and got a divorce) to name a few. Her son died a little over ten years ago from a rare brain disease and she has been through many other awful trials.
The other women is a new member in my Beth Moore Bible study. She is in her late 40's
unemployed and really struggling. The first time she came a few weeks ago she mentioned how she doesn't feel like God cares about her. It was heartbreaking. We have all been praying for her but last night she was perhaps one of the most desperate people I have ever seen. Our leader asked a question of her about the lesson and she just started sobbing,saying how she didn't finish the lesson b/c she is so overwhelmed in her life and wishes she was dead. I use to work as a suicide crisis counselor and that is a huge sign of someone in a desperate state. We prayed for her right then and there. We tried to reassire her that God has not forsaken her, that He so deeply cares. When we broke to go to the main group, I felt such a need to speak to her privately so I pulled her aside and said straight out..."You wouldn't really hurt yourself would you?" She kind of reassured me she would not. But, since I don't know her really I told our group leader who is also a friend that we definetly needed to follow up on her. As we headed to group I added a prayer that Beth Moore's message would speak directly to her. Wow, did God answer and in mighty ways! We are studying the Israrelites and how they acted like fools while Moses was up getting the Ten commandments and how God told Moses he wouldn't be going with him to the Promised Land. Beth spoke so powerfully of Moses and God's interaction and how God did, after some discussion agree to go with Moses and everyone else to the Promised Land but how from then on he would no longer let Moses see his face, that His face would be hidden and God would shield his eyes as He passed by and only then would Moses see his back. She said that sometimes in our darkest moments, God is really just shielding our eyes but He is there in our prescence and how once you've experienced that you wouldn't trade it for anything..(even all the milk and honey and angels to guide you!)
When I came home I just felt so strongly the need to continue to lift these ladies up to God and felt like I was pleading with Him to make himself known to them, that they would feel in His presence.
Why am I writing about all of this? I am not sure, it was on my heart and mind and I guess I want to know what you fellow bloggers feel about feeling forsaken, anyone?
S

Pics

Here are some pics from the weekend. I get so frustrated trying to get Caroline's pics. I grabbed and her took the one of her and me myself b/c she wouldn't cooperate for Jeff when he tried. The other one of her is when I found her thumbing through my Bible Study notebook this morning..a future Bible studier!!

S

Sundays

Well, anohter weekend is coming to an end. I survived yet another Saturday without Jeff around and it went by pretty fast. Jeff and I then went to play our monthly euchre game with the neighbors, it was fun. This morning we went to church and a music ministry from Indiana Wesleyan was there. They were all freshman and sophomores in college and they looked SO young to me! When I mentioned this to Jeff he was quick to remind me that we graduated from college over 10 years ago! Am I really that old? They all gave little intros about themselves and I couldn't help but reevaluate my own college experience. I never even considered a Christian college. Not to say that if you go to a Christian college your free from temptation and poor choice making, but I have to think its much easier to be surrounded with people who believe what you believe and all the ministries available to you to thrive in your relationship with Christ.
We have decided to send Matthew to Kalamazoo Christian preschool next year. I can't believe how much it is for K-12. I wonder how people pay that kind of tuition, its equivilent to what a year at a state college would cost, for one child! But, I know that many people feel that is what God is calling them to do. I think he will love preschool.
Tonight, after the kids wake from their naps, we are taking them to Chuckie Cheese. Matthew was stuck inside all week from his own illness and then Carolines. Speaking of Miss Squeaky, she made it through the whole time in nursery! Yippee. Our good friends were working in there. We tease Mark, the husband that he has a way with the baby girls in our church. Caroline isn't the first little girl he has managed to keep happy and calm in there. It was nice to enjoy an entire service.
This week is busy between doctor appts for myself,ear tubes for Squeak on Weds, speech therapy for Matthew and playgroups we will hopefully have more fun than the last two weeks!
Enjoy your week..

Stomach flu and 15 month olds

Yesterday was my MOPS day so Barb was here watching the kids. Since I am in charge of the childcare at my MOPS meetings, its just easier. When I got home I thought she seemed warm. She had a fever that despite motrin continued to climb. I thought or I guess I should say I hoped that it was an ear infection because I so badly didn't want her to be sick with the stomach flu. She didn't sleep all day and she was so listless that I ended up putting her to bed before 5. After I put Matthew down I went in to check on her and she had gotten sick ALL over her cribby and her! It was the saddest thing I have seen! Thank goodness Jeff had gotten home right then and helped me strip her and her bedding. I bathed her and brought her down to lay on me and as it turned out..puke on me 2 more times! Thank goodness for junkie towels!! We put her back down at 11 and he didn't get sick again. But, today she seems to be gripped with the same horrible stomach cramps Matty had earlier in the week. She has spent more than half the morning crying hysterically in alot of pain. Matthew is literally bouncing off the walls since he has been home for almost a week straight!
I called Jeff and pleaded with him to come home early so he can maybe entertain Matthew while I care for my little sicky. Poor litle girly!

S

Allergies

I am not sure if I posted before about Caroline and her peanut allergy. Last week I gave her a prepackaged peanut butter cracker. Soon after, her lip started to swell and then her left eye. It went away with some Benadryl but we took her in for a allergy test. I just spoke with the nurse at the ped's office and it seems that she is allergic to a number of things including most nuts, eggs,wheat,soy and milk. Some are worse than others. The eggs and nuts were the worst. She was suppose to go to the allergist today but wouldn't you know it she has a fever. Did I mention how sick I am of winter and sickness!!? I rescheduled her for the 18th of February with a doctor who our good friends have taken their son to see. Poor Caroline. Jeff and I often joke that she is pretty needy and high maintance. I can't help but think all these factors, ears being clogged with fluid, can't see, food allergies, etc all maybe influence her moods and make her grouchy. We love her to bits and bits and just want her to feel good and soon! On the plus side, she has slept from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 am straight the last two nights! YIPEE

S

Beth Moore

I have started a new Bible Study by Beth Moore called, "A Women's Heart". Its about the Israelites wandering in the desert and the tabernacle. Its AMAZING!! I love listening to her and really feel like each week she is speaking directly to me. Many women have told me that her Bible studies are intensive and take a lot of time. I was in BSF for three years and that was equal to if not more work so it doesn't really bother me. One of things that she said last night that particuarly struck me was the symbolism of the manna that the Lord provided for the Israelites and the meanings behind it even in today's world. Beth said that the manna was available daily in the early morning and then it would evaporate. So they had to get up, physically go out of their tents and get it. She related that to how we need to be with our Lord, for our portion everyday. We can't think we can go to church on Sunday and store that for the whole week, it won't be enough. Just as the manna that the people took that was more than their portion began to rot, so will our spiritual lives. Another profound point that she made was how some people needed more than others but everyone had what they needed. Beth referenced a time when her good friend lost her year old to cancer and how Beth couldn't understand how she could get through it,how she could handle it with such grace. She said God kept bringing her back to the story about the manna and how He does provide grace based on your need. She was in awe of how her friend go continue to live and go on despite what she had suffered. She emphasized that a strong, daily faith will get you that grace and through those times.
I just want to shout out "AMEN SISTER!" over and over again during her lecture! I am so glad I followed God's prompting and have started attending this! If you have never experienced her I highly recommend her!
What else is new? I have now lost over 40 pounds. I am able to wear clothes that I couldn't wear since before I got married to Jeff..yipee. The eating part is still not the best. I am able to eat lunch meats now, tuna, chicken salad, eggs and crackers. But, I still look at eating like its such a chore! Its like I wake up and think.."Eesh, I have to eat, I am not hungry at all, what high protein food can I manage to choke down?" I have to say that I don't miss the guilt that was a daily part of my life when I ate poorly and then vowed to "be good" the next day. It will get easier over time and since the surgery I don't obsess over food which is glorious and so freeing.
S

More sickness

Well my healthy boy seems to have caught some type of the stomach ickies that have been making there way through west Michigan! It all began early Sunday morning when he woke up and said "My tummy hurts mommy, take my tummy out." Too cute by the way! He layed low most of yesterday wanting to snuggle with me or lay on his "couch bed". I had a baby shower to go to last night but Jeff said he had a bit of an appetite and seemed that he may be on the mend. He slept all night but this morning was the punkiest I have ever seen him. Totally lathergic, glassy-eyed and listless. He slept for another hour on the couch and then did perk up a little. He ate some toast and water and his energy is slowly coming back. He hasn't thrown up and I hope it stays that way! I also hope Caroline dosen't get it! That little girl is on my list! We finally put her in "bedtime boot camp" which means she no longer gets a bottle ever, especially in the midst of the night and we don't go to her when she cries in the night anymore. It was just getting ridiculous! She is hanging tough though! She usually wakes up anywhere between 2-4 am and cries off and on for over and hour! Last night she woke up I was a little worried that she may have gotten sick herself so I sent Jeff in(she seems to be less dramatic for him!). She was fine but man was she miffed when he put her back down. Her cries seemed to say "GET BACK IN HERE MR!!!"
Moderately funny for 2 in the morning!
S

Its a blogging kind of day

That is how I am feeling today. Nothing on t.v right now and I forgot to blog about my answered prayers concerning my church issues. I went to a different church last Sunday and ironically they were just starting a series on "Just walk across the Room" a series Bill Hybels did at Willowcreek while we attended. They had a guest speaker from another church and he was an awesome speaker. It was interesting to see his take on what I remembered Bill having said a couple of years ago. I walked away feeling like I learned something valuable but didn't feel this overwhelming "This is where we should go" feeling. Not that I was expecting that. It surely takes more than one visit! But, all week, it was heavy on my heart, this conundrum! I was prayerful in seeking out what God wanted me to do as a next step. At my new Bible study on Monday, we had an excercise where we had to write down something that was heavy on our hearts down and I wrote "church" down. Then, on Weds morning, our assistant Pastor called to see how I "was". I said,"You mean physically? " Because I assumed he was calling b/c of my surgery. He said yes that and generally. I was literally walking out of my house so I asked if I could call him back. When I did, we had a great conversation where I disclosed alot of my frustrations and for once someone was accountable! I then candidly asked him if someone had told him what I was feeling and he said no that God had just layed it on his heart to call me! So,I took that as a sign to stick it out. I feel and for the record, Jeff also feels good with this decision! I really want to make it work there, it does feel like home in many ways. So we will see !

S

Scream, snuggle..repeat..

That is how I feel my life is these days when it comes to dealing with the kids. I start out with the best of intentions and then it all seemingly comes apart. Usually by 8am!! Part of my problem is that Matthew really resists change..what two and half year old does?! But it seems like whenever we are having to leave a fun time like yesterday at church, where we met some friends for a playdate, he completly freaks out. Thank goodness for friends who will hold your one year old while you scoop up your screaming, out of control 2.5 year old to the car! Usually by lunch I have had it and when he does the next irriating thing I lose it! Then,I feel bad for not showing him how to be calm when your feeling frustrated I snuggle him up and apologize for losin g it. But, inevitably, it all happens again. So were on this merry go round of out of control behaviors and parenting. UGGH!
Plus, I am not able to eat much of anything right now. The night before last I was awoken with such a sharp pain in my stomach I contemplated waking Jeff up to go to the ER. It passed but I can't manage to eat much so that isn't good. I guess I will have to call the doctor on Monday.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend...a screaming Caroline calls!
S

Before I was a mom

Before I was a Mom

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important an d happy.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,

the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

More Squeaky issues

Poor Caroline can't catch a break! Yesterday after her nap I gave her some of those orange peanut butter crackers. She has had peanut butter before without incident. Soon after I saw that her lip was all swollen and then her left eye was all red and swollen. I gave her a dose of Bendryl and called the ped office and spoke with a nurse. It was about four o'clock so we had plenty of time to see if she had any difficulty breathing before bedtime. Thankfully, the Bendryl took effect within a 1/2
hour. Of course I checked on her during the night too to make sure she was ok.
So, this morning the nurse calls back to check on her and to let me know that the ped wants her to have a blood test for allergies and to go to an actual allergist and for us to pick up a script for epipen juniors incase she is ever exposed again b/c apparently with peanut allergies the reaction can just get worse and worse each exposure! That stinks!! I swear that little girl has been to more specialists than most adults.
We had a fun morning. We went to the mall for a haircut for Matthew, lunch and a carousle ride..Matty's favorite! Jeff is working tonight..boo hoo!
S

More pictures

Here are some more pictures that I finally downloaded from Christmas until now..
I have decided that I really stink at taking pictures..I think I need class!
S

Caroline and her glasses

Here are some pics of Caroline and her new glasses. She has been tolerating them much better than expected. She went about 2 hours and then took them off. I hear her now up from her nap so we will try again for an afternoon run!
S

NANO NANO

I just have to blog about this...I love, love, love my new NANO Ipod. Its made me such a happy, happy girl. The iTunes store for me is like being a kid in a candy store. Downloading songs from days gone past. I have forgotten about a group that I loved in college called Jackopierce. They have one song in particular that I highly recommend for fellow nanoers called Vineyard. My playlist of downloads is about as random as can be which for those of you who keep up with this blog know is totally me!
I am off to try a new Bible study tonight, its a Beth Moore called "A women's heart". Its much more in depth than what I have been doing but I think I need a little more depth. Speaking of random, tonight one of my favorite shows are on..Jon and Kate plus 8. I love that show! I love Kate and Jon totally reminds me of Jeff.
Finally, Caroline's glasses came in the mail today. She was already in bed for the night but look for pictures tommorrow!
S