You can't go home if its not your home anymore..

Interesting title eh?! That is how I felt on Friday as I drove to and around the town I grew up in, Midland, MI. I haven't lived there full time since 1993 and my parents moved from there in 1999. But, I always felt that Midland was my HOME. I loved growing up there and have very fond memories of time spent there. But, as I came down the highway M-20 passed the mighty Tittabawasse and the world famous Tridge, ok..not really famous but usually mocked:) I began to cry. Probably b/c I was going to a funeral for a guy I have known since he was three, whose death was tragic and senseless...all reasons to cry. But, more than that I think I was crying that Midland was being somewhat tarnished for me. Most of the people I knew that lived there haved moved on, their parents have retired and left Midland. I rarely get back there except for weddings and now a funeral.
After the funeral I drove passed my old house and could barely look at it. It reminds me so much of carefree days now passed. I am not the seventeen year old girl who lived there anymore. My home is in Portage, the streets here are familiar to me. I feel at home..I am now starting to hopefully create the same sense of security in my children's lives that I was fortunate to have on Springwood Drive in Midland. I think I was maybe crying b/c I realized and yes, I know this is going to sound obvious and stupid that I am the adult now. That no "home" is really able to shield you from the bad stuff in life. That even while growing up in Midland, lots of crappy stuff happened back then too. I just didn't have to deal with it.
I was planning on hanging out for awhile but Jeff's surgery caused him to be really nauseous and he was in alot of pain, so I high tailed it back home. After I got the kids bathed and in bed and Jeff some ginger ale and chicken noodle soup:), I sat on my couch, in MY HOME and thought...its GOOD TO BE HOME:)