10 for 2010

New Year's Resolutions suck!! I hate them and hardly ever make or keep them! But, this year, I am determined to make some that would make some MEANIGFUL differences in my life. So, here they are. I am picking ten for the year 2010 and I figure that will give me better odds at accomplishing at least one right:)

10.To not scream at my kids
9. To only have the t.v on for an hour a day
8. To read the Bible each day for a minimum of twenty minutes
7. To speak to my husband lovingly
6. To play with my kids, get down on the floor and play!!
5. To not eat chocolate everyday!
4. To make it to the gym at least 3 days a week
3. To finish my bible study!
2. To make time for "intimacy":))) I know your all laughing at this one but Jeff's having the "wires" cut soon so no more risks of baby Simpsons:)
1. To keep a journal again!
How about you all....what are your goals for 2010?? I miss comments!!
As for ringing in 2010..it will be Matthew and I again, heading to Grand Rapids to hang out with some good friends and their kids. Jeff has volunteered to hang out back here with "the girls". Christmas decor is nearly down and I am geared up for a great, pregnancy free year:)
Happy New Year!!

Breath of Heaven

I have been thinking alot about that song. Probably because I am obsessed with Amy Grant's Christmas cd!! Anyways, the lyrics have always made me weepy but this year in particular I can't get through it without being reduced to complete mush! The words, which I copied here...
I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load i bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

[chorus:]
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

just get me as I think about those people I know that have lost their chidren. In particular I think of how as Christian moms, they chose their faith to get them through. The words, "but I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan" and think of how Mary had to put all of her trust in God to get through the circumstances leading up to the birth of Christ. But, in light of knowing mothers who have lost children who, in Jaime's case live in constant fear of losing their child, that Mary at the time of Christ's birth had no idea that God's plan also included Him dying a horrific death on the cross.
The words, "Be with me now" also really resonate with me. When Jaime gave her testimony the week of the Thanksgiving, she shared that last year, before she was even pregnant with Sam, she remembers to specifically "feel" God. She then shared that throughout the events of this past year, in all the pain and bad times, she has been so very blessed to truly FEEL God! Cool!
As I read ove this post, I realize its a little scattered..but it was on my mind!
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas blog world!

You really only have God

Basic principle but one I suddenly "Got" while reading Kate McRae's caringbridge page last week. For those readers of my blog who don't know about Kate. She is a little girl who is fighting a nasty brain tumor in Arizona along with her mom and dad and big sister and little brother. Her mom, Holly, made a comment about being thankful and how she has, in the past, always been thankful that her children were healthy. Now, in light of her daughter facing a horrid disease, she realized that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, she is thankful for a God to bring her through anything.
I have been reading Crazy Love as part of our small group study and have to say its impacted me more than any other Christian book I have ever read. I realize that I am more often than not a lukewarm Christian. I don't love God wholeheartedly. I tend to wax and wane and sadly waning is more my style. When I look at my journey, walk and faith over the last ten years, I am sad to say I haven't grown nearly as much as I could. I fear having a crazy love for Christ and know this is because I am so half hearted about my relationship with Him.
My FB status for Thanksgiving day was " I am thankful for my family, children and friends but most importantly for my faith in a God that would sustain me if it all went away tomorrow." I do truly believe this but I also believe that my faith is ill equipped to handle a major crisis. I liken it to a toddler who has had six months of swimming lessons being thrown into the deep end without any swimmies...can anyone say...TROUBLE. I don't want a lukewarm, crappy relationship. I want to love Christ with reckless abandon. I want everyone and anyone to know how much HE means to my life. I want to be so CRAZY in love that people actually say.."Whoa..that girl is CRAZY in love with CHRIST!"
With January upon us..I can't think of a better NEW YEAR'S Resolution..can you?!

Sickies

We have had a massive case of the sickies around here lately. It all began last Wednesday when Caroline started complaning about ear pain. She was running a low grade temp so I took her in and found out she had an ear infection. We got home and literally an hour later she spiked a 104 fever and was really sick. This continued for four days. Then on Friday, Matthew started with the temp and complaining of severe stomach pain. This is still going on. On Sunday night, I started feeling achy and yesterday my cough started. Hopefully, sometime soon,we will on be on the mend! I have been following a caringbridge page about a little girl who has a brain tumor. When I read about the daily struggles and serious pain that little girl is enduring it certainly puts our sufferings into perspective. I can't imagine, as awful as it has been to watch Matthew and Caroline these past few days to have that be your day to day reality, with no end it sight!
Work is going ok. Apparently, alot of the new people have already quit b/c of the way the trainers have been treating them. My boss asked me my opinion and I had to be put in a pretty awkward position. I didn't want to rat anyone out but it was pretty horrible. I can't imagine how it would be if you were a teenager and you had to deal with these girls. As a nearly 35 year old, I don't really care if these girls have an attitude. Hopefully, they will continue to get nicer. I worked with some really nice girls on Sunday.
Next week is Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to trying my hand at my first turkey.

Eye drs,u/s's and braces?

Like my creative titles? Yesterday I took Caroline and Ellie to the opthamologist in Grand Rapids for a check up for Caroline and for Ellie to have a consult because..thats right, you guessed it..she is showing signs of s lazy eye! I took her for her two month apt last week and the ped was asking about her tracking and I mentioned that her right away does turn in. She thought with our family history that it wouldn't be a bad idea to have her checked out. The verdict from the dr was that she is moderately far sighted at this point. He puts children on a scale of one to eight and most newborns are a 2. Ellie is currently a 4. But, she could outgrow this by six months. We will just have to wait and see. Caroline's prescription hasn't changed at all and she is doing good. She was pretty good yesterday and they were able to get her to cooperate more than she has in the past. That girl drives me crazy!! Another issue that presented itself at Ellie's apt was that the ped heard her hip clicking on the right side which could indicate hip dysplasia. So, on Thursday she is having a hip U/S and x ray. If these tests show that she indeed does have this she will have to wear a brace. In light of the fact of knowing babies like Sam, this in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal. But, I have to laugh at the collection of baby medical devices. We have Matthew's helmet, Caroline's glasses and now perhaps hip braces for Ellie. Again, were just thankful these issues aren't really issues at all.
Work is going pretty good. The people who live there are very sweet and gracious. My coworkers are funny, I forgot how petty and sensitive teenagers can be. Oh the drama. I just bus my tables, restock the creamers and keep my nose out of the drama. Been there done that! One of the girls was saying to me how, once I work there for awhile, that I would see how annoying the people are. I can pretty much guarentee that none of those people could even come close to being as annoying as the people I worked with at the State's Atty office in Chicago.
I am working alot in the coming weeks, but I have to say I like the money and paying off the debt!!
Ok..got to go, kids thowing toys at each other..more later

Humble Dave Ramsey Pie

Like the title?:) I will admit I have been thinking about the content of this post since yesterday and have thought of several titles. Some of which included..Damn daycare, damn debt,damn stupid decisions!! But, I thought Humble Dave Ramsey Pie was more creative and less profane:)
I started my job at the retirement home and lets just say I was HORRIBLY mislead as to what I would be doing. I THOUGHT I would be serving meals, chatting with the old folks and ok, yes, I did think I would have to clear dishes. I DID NOT think I would have to mop, sweep, wash dishes, bus, serve..etc I also didn't think I would have to answer to a snotty little 19 year old who chain smokes and swears..but I was wrong. So whats a stay at home mommy who wants to earn some extra cash so her husband dosen't have to work at Jackson Hewitt this tax season but still wants to make money to pay off stupid credit card debt she racked up, along with her husband, when they were young and newly married to do? (By the way,can anyone say run on sentence?) I'll tell you what she is going to do...SUCK IT UP!! Yes, its pretty gross but its only 8-12 hours a week. The hours work so I don't have to put the kids in daycare and it does get me away and lets me have my husband home at nights and on Saturdays. We made stupid financial decisions and so, in a sense, I am reaping what I sowed.
But, the snotty, college educated girl in me is thinking," I am waaayyy too good for this job." The good, rational Christian girl in me says, " No you not...start scrubbing those nasty dishes lady!"
So, I will suck it up and do it..who knows, maybe it will turn out to be the best job ever?! Of course Jeff loves to say to me when I have spent money on something he thinks is frivilous.." That's two hours of dish washing...hope it was worth it!"
Since he is the more financially responsible one of the two of us I just shot him a dirty look!:)
Man...sometimes being a grownup really stinks!!

The autumn leaves drift past my window...

I love fall and I forgot just how much I love it until it comes around every year. I love the smell of pumpkin bread baking in the oven, an apple scented candle a glow filling our house with yummy smells. Meatloaf, stew and chili come back into the dinner rotation, visits to Gull Meadows..those sinful donuts, Halloween and Thanksgiving. Things are fine here in west Michigan. Its been a chilly fall but I can't complain, what would be the use anyways! We have all remained pretty healthy in light of all the illness around us. We're in full throttle of our schedules and the kids seem to be thriving in it all. I did get the part time job at the retirement home and should begin next week. It will be nice to have something for myself and to make some extra money. I have been wanting something like this for awhile and am grateful for the opportunity.
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year as it will be the first one with just our immediate( Jeff,me, Matthew,Caroline and Ellie) family. I decided that I don't want the stress of traveling to Chicago or even going anywhere locally. I really am looking forward to starting our own traditons here in the Simpson household. I think the same will apply for Christmas as far as traveling but we will of course see family here. Sometimes it just nice to hang out at home and not always be rushing and stressing about how the kids will behave elsewhere. Plus, on Christmas its so much fun to just relax and have what Matthew likes to call "Family day" where we stay in our pj's, eat monkey bread for breakfast, play games, watch movies and make forts. With a 4,3 and baby in tow..this holiday season will be filled with wonder and excitment! I can hardly wait!!
We're headed to a Halloween party in a little while. We're trying out a new babysitter from church who has watched the kids before during small group. We need a new sitter as our college girl is expecting a baby in December! It was a spur of the moment decision and seeing as how I loathe dressing up for Halloween, I am wearing my "Fireproof" tee shirt I just got at MOPS this week that says, " My husband rocks" ..I am going as the adoring wife...those of you that know me, know I love getting away with basically not dressing up at all. Last year I went as Jeff's high school girlfriend which meant that I wore his old hockey jersey and his class ring. I like to think people have come to expect lame outfits from me!! There has been a lot of sickness around here and at church so we're skipping tomorrow and having a modified family day! Enjoy your fall!!

Whee...Squeaky's three!

Caroline turned three on Monday! I can't believe its been three years! I remember the day she was born vividly. There was a early "snowstorm" that brought Kalamazoo over five inches of beautiful snow. Caroline has been stronged willed since the moment she came into this world. From a finicky and colicky baby to a fiestly toddler..she can be challenging. But, she is also sweet and endearing and passionate. I hope to help her become and put forth all of her characteristics to live a happy, healthy and productive life and most importingly to know and honor God in all she does. I always say that with her personality, Caroline will either be the fiercest servant the Lord has ever known or the worst influence imaginable...a burden that I don't take lightly in parenting her! She can frustrate me but she more often than not she is my little sweetie who loves "huggies" and her mama. Funny enough..right now she is screaming crying over some trivial incident...again..strong willed dosen't begin to cover it with her...
She is an amazing big sister and I look forward to watching her relationship with Ellie blossom and grow over the years. She loves her big brother Matthew and is his favorite playmate. Being that I was a middle child and now, with the arrival of Ellie, Caroline is too..I have found a special place right in the middle of my heart for her.
In other Simpson news...this weekend Ellie and I are headed to Chicago to meet up with my sister at my parent's for her to take Ellie's birth annoucment pics. Jeff is staying back with the older kids. He is excited not to have infant baby duty at all for two nights. He has been so great about helping me every night from about 10-3am.
Also, I am now employed!! I will be working part time at a retirement home, serving meals to the residents. The hours are good, 3:30-7 two nights a week and one weekend day I will work either 6am-2pm or 3:30-7. Jeff is changing his schedule to be home at 4:30 the nights I work and Jeff's mom has agreed to come and stay with the kids until he gets home. Its minimum wage but it will provide extra income and Jeff won't have to work at Jackson Hewitt this winter, which we both love!! I will get some sanity and we will be paying off more debt!! A win-win for everyone!!

Chugging along

I will say since the arrival of Ellie Bellie...finding time to blog has become rather challenging! But, I will also say that I LOVE having three kids. I feel very complete and that defintely three was the number for us! Ellie is still up alot at night and still I don't care! I love that little baby so much that sometimes I look foward to the four o clock hour to watch " Without at Trace" eat Skittles, and stare at my perfect little miracle. Seriously, sometimes, I just look at her, with tears in my eyes and think " We didn't even know we wanted you!!" That is totally how I feel about her. The best Xmas present I never knew I always wanted!! With every passing day our schedule is getting more into a groove.
Today, I interviewed for a part time job at an assistant living home. It would be only 16 hours a week, with one day a weekend. Basically I would be serving meals to the residents. But, it would provide some extra income to help pay off debt and get me some "me" time. My prayer is that if this if what God wants, he will open the door!
This Monday is Caroline's third birthday! I can hardly believe its been three years since that little girl came into our lives!! We're having a family party on Sunday and going to Gull Meadows on Monday for her actual birthday.
Well, the sleeping on four hours a night is hitting me...so I am off to bed! Happy weekend!

A five person family

Well were settling into our new world of having three children! Somedays it seems pretty easy others not so much. I have to say that overall its not been too bad. I really think the transition from one to two in less than 2 years was much more difficult for me. Also, besides being somewhat of a night owl, little Ellie is quite a laid back, easy baby so far. Matthew and Caroline continue to adjust to their new life. At this point Caroline seems to be handling it the best, while Matthew seems to struggle somedays. He seems to be king of negative attention!! Even with lots of special alone time with mommy, daddy, grandma, aunts and cousins...its been tough. I still really struggle at how to best parent that little guy. He knows so well how to get my goat, so to speak...and it can be extremly frustrating and make for some really long days. School has started and other extra curricular activitites, soccer for Matthew and dance for Caroline, which has been fun for the kids.
Ellie has had her first medical issue. As you all know, Caroline's nickname of "Squeaky" came about when she was a newborn and was always squeaking. Well, Ellie is even more squeaky and sometimes seems like its laborious. I took her to the ped and she referred us to the ENT for further testing. There are a couple of different things it could be, hopefully nothing too serious.
Well, with the basement trashed, the sink full of dishes and a baby girl that needs to be fed..this mommy better get going! Happy Fall!

Elizabeth Jane has arrived!

Well, God must have heard my prayers about wanting to have our little girl early b/c she arrived nearly three weeks early. Last Wednesday I went in for my regular apt, I had noticed the baby moving a little less than normal but I can honestly say I wasn't alarmed. He checked my amniotic fluid,which was fine and then sent me for a NST. After almost an hour on the NST, he came in and said that he wasn't happy with her heartbeat ranges. It seems she wasn't having acclerations, even though at this point her movement was back to normal. He sent me over to Labor and Delivery. I still wasnt't thinking today was the day. I called Jeff's mom and made sure she could stay with the kids. I also called my mom, who immediately went into panic mode.
After more monitoring and a u/s it was determined that she wasn't quite as happy as we would all would have liked in utero and that today would be her birthday. I can honestly say that I was never scared. I figured if they were really worried..they would take her and they did. It did seem really sureal...like it wasn't my life. It kinda stunk to not have any of my things..like a camera with me but what are you going to do?!
When they first took her out, I saw what a little peanut she was. She didn't cry as vigorously as Matthew and Caroline did, which freaked me out. But, they reassured me that she was fine. When they brought her over to me, she was just still and quite and looked like a little doll..she has the tiniest face I have ever seen! She is mellow so far..never cries. Just squeaks a little when she needs to be fed or have her diaper changed. The kids have taken to her quite nicely. Caroline really could care less but occasionally comes over and wants to hold her. The way she says "Ellie" is super cute too! Matthew loves her deeply but definetly is testing us when it comes to his behavior. He has been super naughty which has been trying. Thankfully Barb took him for the past two days to give him some one on one time. I am really trying to just remain merciful and patient with him and reassuring that we still love him even though there is a new baby in town!
I have to say that I am so in love with our little Ellie. She is so precious and with all that Sam and Jaime are enduring it makes it very hard not to just hold and love on our blessing 24-7. I find myself so overcome with thankfulness and joy at being privledged to be my children's mother. Not to say that I don't have moments where I am overwhelmed but I can honestly say that I feel better than I have in months right now. I am just thankful. Life is so very precious and nothing puts that into greater perspective than a tiny newborn.
My mom comes back next week to help out and Matthew begins school so we should be on our new schedule sooner than later. Right now,I am just holding and feeding and playing and book reading..enjoying the moment!

So I don't forget...

Caroline and Matthew have really changed alot this summer. Matthew has definetly emerged from a toddler to a full blown preschooler. He sometimes can be mouthy, which I don't like but he also has really profound insights into life, well beyond his four years and he is really a very sweet little boy. The other day one of the neighbor kids told him that their dad didn't like him. I know this little girl just said it to get a rise out of Matthew,although I will admit when he told me I wanted to march down the street and throw her into a wall and scream, "Don't you ever say that to him again!!" GRRR...don't mess with this mama bear:) Anyways, I was reassuring Matthew that D's dad wouldn't ever say that. He looked at me with his big soulful blue eyes and said, " Ok mama, but next time you see him could you just say, Matthew Simpson is a very nice little boy." I almost cried. That has been a hard lesson to learn for both Matthew and me..the world of pettiness and sometimes people not being nice for no reason at all. You want to protect your kids from that for as long as possible but apparently four is the threshold! He has had an amazing summer just running around with the kids around her. Playing like a little boy should in the summer. He had fun at camp grandma and at Silver Lake with Jeff's side of the family. We have a various day trips to pools and lakes and our little fishy has enjoyed every minute of it! He especially enjoyed his first tubing experience. He is so brave...I love it! I hate a wimpy kid!! He is gearing up for his second year of preschool. I think he may be shaping up to have the same school ethic as his mommy...which is NOT a good thing! He dosen't care much for working on writing his name, letters, etc. I am hoping he has the smarts of his daddy and that he can accomplish alot with not much effort. The other day I was working on his name with him when again he flashed me his big blues and said, " I think I will just work on this in the fall...Mrs. Bronsink can teach me instead of you." :) He played tennis for six weeks and enjoyed it. Swimming lessons were a disaster but you would never know it when you see him swim...he is great! He starts soccer in two weeks and we're planning on signing him up for ice skating so he can play hockey!!
Now on to our almost three year old! It has been an amazing season of growth for our little girl. Her language skills finally seem to be catching up. I would say she is still behind but definetly making progress. Not so much the case with potty training..nowhere near trained. Socially she is becoming more mature and likes to hang out with her brother and the other older kids outside. There is less chasing going on but she still loves to take all of her riding cars out and push them into the street, all the while looking at me like, " Yah, whatcha going to do about it pregnant lady?" She definetly can be all attitude and has my temper...don't make her mad...she will take it directly to heart. She is still a great sleeper...I thought she had given up naps but it was just a bad week. She naps 2 hours a day and sleeps 12 hours a night...hopefully this continues when the baby arrives. She loves to color and do crafts and is absolutely brilliant when it comes to puzzles. She loves to climb and is really agile for her age. Some of the cute things she says is, "No Maffew..don't do that!" " Oh my goodness and " I loves you mommy." She has become more of buddy for me this summer and I feel like I am enjoying her more and more.
When it comes to the new baby...and her upcoming arrival..Matthew is thrilled. He will be a great big brother. Caroline...well, lets just say the jury is still out on her. She definetly is aware that there is a baby in mommy's swollen belly and sometimes she will come up and kiss me on the belly and say, " AHhhh, baby" and other times she wacks me there and says, " No baby!!" I am sure there will be a period of adjustment for all of us...but I am sure soon everyone won't be able to remember a time we didn't have whatshername:))) No, we still haven't committed but that makes it more exciting this time.
Well, I think that catches me and you up on what my kids have been up to!

Real

Last night after talking to Jaime I was so overcome with sadness I could barely talk or even think about anything else. Jeff and I took the kids for icecream and I just wanted to cry the whole time. The unfairness of the whole situation with Sam was just really getting to me. I woke up several times last night(which is pretty usual for me these days) and just poured my heart out to God in pleading prayers for their whole family. I have said before here that I have never been close with someone going through something like this. Usually its only through others or blogs where you can choose to not check or put it out of your mind easier. But, the Ekkens are our good friends and neighbors. Our kids play together sometimes eight hours a day. I know when they are home, I know when something is up, etc. Like tonight, Jaime noticed Sam's pulse rapidily in his fontanel (soft spot). She hadn't noticed it before and wondered if I had remembered seeing it on my kids when they were little. I went over and it seemed ok to me but we decided why not call and ask and error on the side of caution. As I waited with her to see if she needed to take him in, we just talked about all of these new events and of faith and she even talked a little about her fears of the worst case and what that would mean for her long term. When there is so many times that I feel like I am so helpless in this situation to be unable to fix it, tonight it felt good to just let her talk things out with me. To just let her talk and be heard. She is so real and her heart is so full of love for Christ. She doesn't doubt her love for her or Sam, she just hates having to be in this situation...wouldn't we all.
I know that whatever God's will is for Sam, that Jaime and Steve and Makenna and Avery will be ok. I just don't want them to have that kind of heartache and when your anticipating that it might happen, you just feel so hopeless. But, as I said to her tonight, there are lots of examples of people whose lives continue on and they have HAPPY lives, despite surviving tremendous heartache. As Jaime stated in her caring bridge, she has been thinking alot about the lyrics to "Blessed be the name of the Lord" those lyrics ring so true in circumstances like Sams. He does give and take away, but if your heart chooses to say, Blessed be the name of the Lord you will be ok. He will not forsake you and better yet His peace will carry you through and you have the hope of living eternally with precious loved ones lost.
Not really sure why I am writing any of this...just on my heart.

Sam

Today Jaime took Sam to the ped cardiologist for a regular exam...it did not go well, in fact, it couldn't have gone worse. Apparently, he has developed a narrowing in his aorta which is causing his blood pressures to be too high. They need to take him to Ann Arbor next Wednesday to have a heart cath the hopefully ballon it open, to regulate his pressures, so he can have his second surgery which is already scheduled for the 14th of September.If he doesn't get the surgery, his long term prognosis is obviously very grave indeed. Jaime is obviously devasted. She loves her little boy so much and so hopes for God to heal Him. She knows that is still possible but the realities of the medical conditions Sam faces can't be ignored in times like today.
I found myself again without any words. She knew there was nothing I could say, we just hugged and I offered any help with the girls,etc. I have been pleading with God and will continue to do so. To heal this little boy, for the best possible outcome and a long life here on Earth for little Sam.
Please continue to lift this family up!
S

The sweetest baby

Today I got to watch little Sam for almost two hours...what a joy! He is such an easy going baby and so smiley! It was also a good "practice" round for our upcoming arrival. Matthew and Caroline loved having him here..but had to be reminded several times to not touch and that they couldn't hold him, etc. They just wanted to help but obviously we're all very germaphobics when it comes to him! We can't have him getting sick. I fed him his bottle and he fell asleep in my arms and I nearly was in tears holding him. Praying that this surgery that will happen in nearly three weeks will be immeasurably more successful than we can ever even hope for. That the surgeons would be able to just knit together a way for him to not struggle too much. Thinking of him with a breathing tube and chest tube again was so icky! I can't imagine being Jaime.
In other news, there isn't much. We're kind of in a holding pattern here, waiting for our little bundle to arrive. We're as ready as we're ever going to be. Its amazing how little you really need to be to bring home a baby. When you have your first you think you need so much and everything has to be washed and all set for the baby..by the third your way less concerned!
Caroline is attacking Matthew with a hockey stick...better go!

On the edge.......

I really feel lately as if I am losing my freakin mind! Today was not the best of days in the Simpson household. We had a very busy weekend and you all know from previous posts, that I am plain worn out these days..so overbooking myself and my family doesn't really seem to make much sense does it? We had to go to church today b/c our Pastor is leaving after 18 years and of course we wanted to go there to see him off. What I DID not want to do however, if go to the PIG roast in 95 degree heat. I told Jeff we should have just skipped that since and no offense to any fellow church readers out there, but they are just plain irritating if you have small children and you add to that heat and being 35 weeks pregnant and you just about want to shoot yourself:) We then brought our nephew Derek back here to play with Matthew which was actually the best idea we had all day. Then, later in the evening Caroline decides to draw with crayon all over out living room carpet! I kinda of lost my temper with more than a few family members and ended up in tears on the living room floor, RESOLVE in one hand and tissues in the other. Its just that I already feel so overwhelmed that I truly can't imagine an infant in this crazy world of ours..actually I can imagine it..that is what is scaring the crap out of me. Plus,I know that for lack of time,etc that I won't be able to feed the spiritual needs of me as much either!! HELP!!!

Seriously Sue!

After thinking about my post about the Facebook issue and talking to my favorite sounding board and advice giver (Jeff) I am officially apologizing for questionining said "defriender"'s Christianity. The anon commenter is right, I have no right or way of knowing how "Christian" someone is and to make a sweeping generalization like that is not at all what Christ would have us do. So, I apologize. I guess there is a chance that this person never deleted me, I will never know. But, me being passive aggressive back certainly says nothing about my Christianity.
Today, as I was stewing about all of this, I got a call from Jaime who was very emotional about Sam's second surgery being scheduled. As I sat there and listened I thought to myself, "Seriously Sue...people are dealing with REAL issues, REAL heartaches, and your stewing over Facebook friends"...Grow up!
I love a good self pep talk!:)

So, again...sorry if anyone is offended...my mom was and is right, If you don't have anything nice to blog about...don't blog at all:)

Seriously people

I just realized that a person deleted me from their "friends" on Facebook. Is this the newest form of social rejection? Now, I have to say, that I pretty much think this person represents everything that is wrong with Christianity today. So, I am not surprised nor do I care since I really am not friends with them anyways, but seriously...deleting each other on FB?
To that end, I am seriously thinking about making my blog private. I am tired of not knowing who reads it and really don't want people I don't particularly care for having access to it anymore.
I will have to consider it some more and let you know...until then...

34 weeks and I want this baby out!

Never in my past two pregnancies did I ever want to have a baby more!! I am officially uncomfortable, sick of peeing every ten minutes, want to be done! I had a dream last night about our little darling and wonder if her looks will match the dream. She was just a petite little thing in my dream with a danity little look about her. Time will tell...officially I have five weeks and four days and yes, I am counting.
I think the kids are ready, heck what am I saying, what almost three and 4 year old are ready for a new infant to come into their little worlds!? I am ready to just get on with it and have our world's turned upside down! Really, I am ready to hold this little piece of heaven, to smell that newborn smell again, to nurse a teeny tiny one again and to try to not get bogged down in all the chaos but to just cherish her and our time together b/c it is so, so fleeting.
Baby Sam will probably have his second surgery around the same time as she makes her debut. I am praying that is goes smoothly and that he is back at home and meeting his new buddy as soon as possible. Things have gotten pretty normal again around here with us and when Jaime told me about his second surgery being sooner than later, I have to admit that I found myself taken aback. When you see Sam, he seems so normal. You do forget that this little guy only is working with half a heart. I know he is in the best possible hands imaginable and the God has him in the palm of his hand. I just pray that Jaime and Steve and the girls would sense that and all would go as good as it could and that they are able to resume their new normal again here in Portage!

Its a job

That is my new outlook on parenting. Before I had kids, I thought of parenting as easy, breezy because, quite frankly, that is how most of my nannying gigs were. When I wasn't the parent, kids pretty much always listened, I was creative all the time because I was being paid to be, I was patient most of the time b/c I knew come six o clock I was outta there and it was there parents job to pick up the slack.
Now, its me (and Jeff) 24-7! And b/c I have chosen to stay home, its pretty much me a majority of the time. The other day,I was having a rather rough day and had enough of little boys not listening and little girls whiny incessently and I was screaming at the kids and thought.." What the heck is going on here?" "Is this really what I want my kids to remember about growing up? A super stressed out, screaming, over reactive mommy? Of course not?! But, at the same time, its soooooooo very draining and not at all what I thought it would look like that it gets really depressing! Add to that thought a newborn and I might just be committed...SERIOUSLY! So, I have decided to look at it more like a job. To plan, to speak to my kids, especially when they are at their worst with love and patience because after all I would expect that of someone being paid to watch them! I have been trying to do things they would like to do, even when I don't feel like it because I owe that much to them. I have been given two precious gifts and many days I feel like I don't look at it like that at all. We will see how this all pans out once baby girl arrives and all hell breaks loose!:)
Speaking of her, she will come on Sept 17th now if all goes as planned. We still aren't firm on her name but have narrowed it down. We have pieced together all our "hand me down" items from various friends, garage sales and second hand shops. All I really have to do is wash the clothes and things she will need during those first weeks. I will admit I am SUPER excited to meet this little girl. Every night when I am falling asleep I think about the c sec and that moment when I will see her.
This weekend we're going out to dinner with friends tonight and tomorrow we're going to Grand Rapids for a party at our friends house. We're spending the night! Probably our last night away before we're parents of three! Have a good weekend!
S

Believing God

I was praying this morning and among the many prayers were specific prayers for baby Sam and little Kate who is suffering with a brain tumor. I found myself praying for the specific needs that their individual parents have posted/asked for and then I started drifting off to "Susanland" This is where I start to question and doubt the power of my prayers. I so often feel like God has made up His mind about the various things that are happening in people's lives so what is the point in me praying for what I want or what other people are begging me to pray for? I know that is not something I should be admitting but its how I feel. I so often feel at ease when I am praying that God would help these people through the situation but not for once believing he could change it. That saddens me. I mean where is my faith in that? I know when I think like this Satan is so happy. I can just see that nasty bastard down in hell thinking, "Aha!! There is that trusty Susan Simpson doubting God and his abilities! Just what I wanted!" :(
The fact is that I know God can heal anyone he chooses to, its just seems in this imperfect world that you hear about those people who aren't. I never doubt the REALNESS and palbability of God in people's lives during times of trial..even in the seemingly small things. For example, Sam has been having issues with blood in his stool when he is exclusively fed breastmilk..it seems that his little body doesn't react well to dairy. So, they have had to put him on Nutramigen, which is a horribly expensive formula. Jaime told me a neat story about how they had run of it and were talking about how much it sucks to pay fifty bucks a week for formula when they were headed to a party. When they got there a friend of theirs who reads their caringpage had bought them two cans b/c he knew it was really expensive..nice guy, ok, sure but more than that..GOD..in the smallest of details. When I look at and hold little Sam and see his precious, precious smile..I WHOLE HEARTEDLY believe that his second surgery will go well and that God has a great, long life planned for him. Why can't I translate that into my prayers?
Do any of you struggle with this...if so any tips?

September 18th

Is when the new little bundle of joy will appear in our lives. I went to the doctor today and was surprised at this date. For Matthew I was induced and after a horrific experience which included the doctor and midwife basically standing on me and throwing out "F" bombs...Matthew was born via c sec. Apparently, actually, I should say, IRONICALLY..I have a small pelvis. Go figure! The one thing on me that I needed to be large..is small. Anyways, I went for a repeat c sec with Caroline and for being awake whilst being cut open goes,it was a very pleasent experience. But, I had her a 39 weeks. So I went in there today all expecting the 10th or 11th to be her birthday. I have switched doctors and this man, an incredibly nice Indian doctor says he doesn't like to do c secs until closer to 40 weeks for risks of respitory issues. The chance is small that something would be wrong but he doesn't see the point in taking the chance. I can't really either..especially after seeing little Sam the Man on a vent a few months back...NO THANK YOU! So, I must endure pregnancy for an additional week. Of course mother nature and baby S may have an idea all there own. I know plenty of people who have had planned c secs and their babies come all on their own.
Have you noticed I am not constantly calling the baby Emma? Yes, indecision had crept its way back into my naming abilities. I don't know why I struggle so much with naming girls. I still think it will end up being Emma but kinda of want to see her and see what happens. I have thought of some new names to. Jeff isn't a fan of some of them so we will see what I can accomplish between now and September 18th.
Matthew started swimming lessons this week and loves it! Next week tennis starts for six weeks, which he is super excited for. He has been driving mommy really nuts lately so I am trying to stay sane but man that kid can drive me CRAZY!
I finally started reading my Bible again. After reading one of Jaime's caring bridge posts, I have started reading JOHN. We're even going to start doing a Bible study together once a week together. Can I say again how blessed I am to have her in my life and especially as my neighbor!!!

Summertime...and the livins easy...

Today is the last day of our vacation here at Silver Lake. Its been a pretty good week. A little cooler than one would expect for the second week of July, but we've had fun swimming, going on Uncle Brian's boat, visiting a petting farm and just being with family. We've had our entire family in one room, Jeff and I (and Emma)in a king sized bed, Caroline in the pack/play that she has officially grown out of and Matthew in a twin bed. This combo makes for early mornings and Jeff and I commented that vacations certainly aren't what they used to be. I was remembering our honeymoon yesterday at the pool. Floating on the lazy river, holding hands, parousing up to the bar, that was in the pool for a pina colada. We've exchanged that for sippy cups and swim floats and noodles. Instead of sleeping till 11, we're up at the crack of dawn to little voices pleading for "Juice,cereal,waffles!"
Last year seemed to be very stressful with me dragging Matthew into the car and leaving early b/c I couldn't take one more minute of misbeahvior anymore. This year hasn't been without misbehavior and not without mommy freaking out but I like to think there has been more enjoyable and peaceful moments. Moments that the kids will start to keep locked inside their precious little minds and memories of week's spent at the cottage. The thought of having another bundle here next summer is a bit overwhelming, but hey, I have a year to adjust right!!
Next week we're back to our boring lives back in Portage and our normal routines. Matthew has swimming lessons and the weather is suppose to be nice, so we will no doubt spend lots of time hanging out with our neighborhood friends.
With only nine weeks to go,I am defintely starting to "feel" the ramifications of being pregnant. I tire pretty easily and just feel pregnant. Although I still, 30 weeks later can't believe I am. I wonder if when I get to see little E for the first time if it will all suddenly click!?

Family

We're here in Silver Lake, on vacation with Jeff's family for the week. We've only been here for a day, but so far its been very fun and enjoyable time. Matthew and Caroline are at such a fun age to bring on vacation. At 4 and nearly 3, they are a lot less high maintenance this year. Matthew, who is quite the little fish,loves the water and is really able to be in the water without alot of help. Caroline, needs a little more help, but with her cute little voice pleading for "Huggies, huggies!" from every family member who happens to be near her in the water, she is one cute waterbug! The cottage Jeff's mom rented this year is much more condusive to small kids, with a nice sized lawn and sandy area. Last night we took Matthew to the fireworks, where he was adorable. He asked if the fish in Silver Lake could see the fireworks too and when I said probably he responded by saying, " I bet they are saying, (making a fish noise with his mouth) Wow...these fireworks are beautiful." It was one of those moments that you forget all the naughty times and just hug them a little tighter. I have been following and praying for the Buck's friend's little girl,Kate, who was found to have a brain tumor this week. When you hear about stories like this, it reminds you to hug your little ones a little tighter.
I am planning on continuing to enjoy the week,enjoy my family and especially my little boy and girl!! Have a great week!!!

11 weeks

I can hardly believe that I only have about 11 weeks left to go in this my FINAL pregnancy. I remember when I was pregnant with Caroline, about this time in it I thought the same thing but didn't truly feel like our family was complete. Boy, was I right:) Little Emma moves a ton which is nice but she is much more ailen like with her movements then Caroline was. Matthew barely moved at all! Sometimes I wish I had a window into my womb to see what the heck is going on in there!
I am growing very tired of how rude people can be about commenting on my pregnant girth. I don't know if its b/c I am thinner this time than with the other kids, but man, have I heard it all. Last Sunday at church, women, who I believe was a guest b/c I didn't recognize her said, "Due anyday huh?" I smiled politely and said, "Well, not really, actually I am due in Sept" She looked at me, with huge eyes and said, "OH MY GOD!!! NO WAY" " I just can't believe it, are you having twins?" I just looked at her with a disgusted look I am sure and said, " Well believe it and no, its just one" I do feel like lately the girth has gotten pretty substantial. I am always hungry too. But, I am still at less than ten pounds gained so I am ok with that.
I started this post three days ago! I am having trouble finding my way to the computer these days. At night, I seem to park it in front of the t.v and remain there, dozing in and out of sleep until I end up dragging my pregnant but upstairs to bed! This weekend is birthday weekend for us. We have our niece Allison's 15th birthday celebration tonight and our friend's from church's little boy's first bday tomorrow after church. Next week is busy with doctor, chiropractor and massage for me, birthday party for Matthew and my mom and brother are coming up on Thursday. My brother recently lost his job, and relocated back to Chicago with his family (wife, and two daughters ages 4 and 1) He is VERY handy but has always been way out of state, most recently in EDMONTON, CANADA! So, I am taking advantage of his vast home repair Bob Vila self and having him do all the stuff Jeff NEVER does! All of this and we're leaving of our week vacation to Silver Lake on the Fourth! Busy, busy, just the way I like it!
S

What to say?

Jaime and Steve brought little Sam home almost two weeks ago, in fact tomorrow will be two weeks. He is doing well, considering he has no left side of his heart. But, I am writing this post to ask for all of you Christian readers out there to please pray specifically for Jaime. Obviously, living next door to her, I see her and talk to her almost everyday. There are many things about having Sam home that are relatively "normal".He sleeps, he eats, and let it be said that he is a total sweetie! But, there are many more things that aren't "normal". They constantly have to be watching him for signs that he is struggling. All of us mommies out there know that when you have a newborn at home your constantly wondering, "Are they ok?" Imagine a world where you know your baby isn't ok but your not sure if he is not ok enough that you need to call the doctor or take him to the ER or worse yet the worst fear of every mother.
Today she called and was very upset b/c she is so tired and just overwhelmed by the gravity of this entire situation. Never in my life have I felt so helpless. There didn't seem to be anything I could say that could possible make it better. I know she wasn't expecting or wanting that but it hurts me so badly to see someone going through such a horrible time.
Later in the afternoon we took her new swanky stroller out for a walk to Hardings, something we did alot together last summer. Besides Caroline screaming for no apparent reason, it was a pretty normal event for us. Please pray that God would ease her mind, strengthen Sam, and continue to reveal himself to them .
Thanks!

A one child world!

I have decided that if I still only had one child I would be the calmest, most patient, fun mommy that ever existed! Matthew is at my parents until Wednesday. Caroline and I have some girly time and I am loving it! She is way more mellow without that little hooligan around:) This morning her speech therapist came over and Caroline was in rare form for her. I think she will be heading to OT in the near future. She defintely has some oral and auditory issues. Then we headed to Sam's club and as soon as she saw the building she screamed, "GOCK DOG!" that is Carolinespeak for hotdog. The kid is obsessed! She put down one of their jumbo ones in no time and excitedly proclaimed, "More Gock Dog!!" Then we stopped off at Schuring's to buy some more flowers for the yard. When we got home I tried to put her down for a nap but while I was planting I heard this little voice say from the upstairs window, " Hi Mama!" Her little finger and head pressed up against the crack in the screen. We need to get a celing fan in her room. She is way to naughty to have a fan in there. She would probably electracute herself playing with the plug and I can't safetly open the window very far because I caould see her thinking, " I think I will go sit on the roof!"
Tommorrow I am taking her to a KRESA outdoor playgroup and just hanging out before brother returns on Weds! We had fun in Chicago at our friend's house. The weather wasn't the greatest but the kids had fun playing(and so did the grownups!)

keepin it real

Ok, I have read two blog posts by Shelly Buck that have inspired me to have a "keepin it real" post of my own! I love reading Shelly's blog b/c its raw and honest and those happen to be two of my favorite things. Strange I know! The first one was on marriage and how their marriage got to a dangerously bad place. I am sure none of us, who can truly be honest with ourselves would ever be surprised at this. Jeff and I have been married for six years. Yes, I love him, yes,he is a wonderful father. But, since the arrival of our two small children our marriage has definetly taken its hits. Our kids are high energy, high maintanence, sensory challenged, little spit fires. They have taught me so much about my short comings and faults. Yes, they have also taught me wonderful things and I wouldn't trade them for ANYONE else..ever! But, they have shown me that when the going gets tough, this mama takes it out on daddy. I yell at him way too much. We were getting to a point awhile back where I thought we could very easily slip into the world of not really ever talking about anything except our kids for twenty years and one day wake up and say, "Yah, you..not so much, see ya!" I am sure no one needs details of anyone's intimate life but lets just say baby Simpson's conception was a miracle for lots of reasons, namely that we hardly ever go to bed at the same time and one day you just find yourself thinking, " When is the last time we kissed or hugged or snuggled?" Then I am out with friends and feel like everyone and their brother is kissing and hugging and "doing it" and I secretly wonder, "Seriously?!"
I know people are well aware of my faults as a mom, because they see me freaking out, or chasing Matthew or pulling myself off a screaming Caroline in the nursery EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY FOR THE LAST TWO AND A HALF YEARS:) I am way more willing to take the easy way out and that doesn't make for the best of anyone.
So, as I close in on Emma's arrival, I am finding that our life is so richly blessed. That I do have active, busy kids. But, they are healthy and happy and normal. I might not be making out everynight, snuggling on the couch with my husband but I am finding the time to kiss him and appreciate him and talk to him about something other than our kids. When I have Emma, I am sure my life will be turned upside down but I know I will hold that little girl with so much love and emotion having been tainted by the realities of what it means to bring home a baby your not sure will be with you forever. Will I continue to get frustrated? YES! Will I continue to start new discipline techniques and give up by 10am? YES!! Will I always be the best Christian God desires of me? NO! Will I keep trying and keep on keepin it real...YES! Will I keep eating pop tarts for breakfast while my kids munch on Trix and Cooca Puffs...HELL YES! Maybe I will throw in some flaxseed for good measure:)
Kudos to people like you, Shelly, for being real and keeping us laughing, crying and at the end of the day...becoming better women, friends, moms and wives!!

Girls weekend fun

I went to Bay Harbor in Petoskey this past weekend for my annual girl's weekend. It was so relaxing and lots of fun. We left early Friday morning and came back late afternoon Sunday. We went into Petoskey both Friday night for dinner and shopping and lunch on Saturday. We also went to a club at the casino on Saturday night for some of the best people watching I have ever experienced in my life. Serious stomach pains from laughing so hard all weekend! I have met all these girls through Jeff's buddies from high school and college. We have been friends now for over ten years. Its nice to have gone through some stages in life together and be able to confide in each other for various issues. These days alot of our conversations seem to revolve around child rearing and marriage issues.
Jeff stayed back here and held down the fort. I know I have said it before but I am so grateful for how willing and how wonderful he is about letting me get away. He is a truly awesome dad! (and husband)! This week is relatively slow. On Friday afternoon we're headed to Chicago to see our friend's Rachael and Scott in the Western Suburbs. They have two kids almost the same ages as M and C so it will be fun. Jeff is golfing with Scott on Saturday and Rachael and I are hoping for good weather so we can be outside in the FENCED in backyard with the kids. I love when we're somewhere with a fenced in yard so little Caroline can make a run for it! These days at 26 weeks pregnant,chasing her is getting harder and harder. I can't believe I only thirteen weeks left. It seems like I was just in shock at a positive test. I even get taken aback when I pass a mirror and see my ever expanding belly in the reflection..like, "Whoa...that's me, I am pregnant!"
Sam came home this weekend. What a difference two weeks makes. Last time I saw him he was on vent and now he looks like a normal, healthy little guy, minus the feeding tube. Its good to have them home!

Emma "WHAT" Simpson

Ok, thanks for all the comments! I am thinking were like 99.9% sure she will be Emma. The other day I said to Matthew, "What if we named the baby Molly instead of Emma?" He just looked at me with this exasperated expression and said, "No! Her name is Emma,stop asking me about that." I totally cracked up because that is totally his dad coming out! So, I took that as a sign to just stick with what my gut told me first! But, middle names that is trickier. Right now were, who am I kidding, I am thinking, Jane. This is Jeff's mom's middle name and I like the idea of naming my kids after special people in our lives. Matthew's middle name is Jeffrey, Caroline's is Carlysle after my beloved Grandma and so Jane is fitting. But, I do get some weird responses to Jane. Mostly of the " I think that sounds a little hickish" I also like Elizabeth b/c that is my mom's name. Finally, I am considering just having two middle names Emma Elizabeth Jane. But, I am not a huge fan of wordy names. Seriously, if this is all I have to worry about I should be counting my blessings. SOmetimes its just nice to blog about the mundane things in life.
In other news,this weekend I am heading up to Petoskey to Bay Harbor for my annual girl's weekend. I am so excited to just get away and relax. All of us are driving up Friday morning in my van and we will be there until Sunday. Its suppose to be cold, but heck, who cares. Sleeping in, eating out...no kids...heaven!

The name game

I keep meaning to post about this but with all the baby Sam stuff, I have been thinking and writing more about that! Well, as you all know, baby number three is another girl which brings us back to the daunting task of picking out another girl's name. When we named Caroline I thought I loved it. But, as soon as we got home, I kept thinking,"This is not her name, she is not a Caroline, she is a Kathyrn(the other name I was considering for her). Jeff even says all the time, "She is totally a Katie." I mean we called her "Anna Kate" for almost a year. This was because for some reason Matthew,who at the time had major speech delays called her Anna all the time and our subconsciences must of wanted to name her Katie! So, you'd think when we found out we were having another girl we would automatically be like, "Phew, finally we will have our Katie!" Nope..not us. It is in consideration but the name I like best is Emma. Yes, I know its the number one name, don't care. I think its pretty and cute and traditional. I also love the thought of calling her Emmy. But,I also like Kathyrn and Molly and Sara. So, what do you think..after all,I did let you influence me in finding out that she was a girl.

Babies on vents

On Tuesday I drove Makenna and Avery up to see Jaime and Steve. They had gone camping with Jaime's cousins and Jaime was really missing the girls. Plus, I selfishly wanted to see her:) I wasn't expecting to get to see Sam, but was able to not only see him but also touch his little hands and feet and stroke his little head. What I saw there at Mott's Children's Hospital was remarkable. The technology that they have for these little guys and girls is truly amazing. But, it was so very disturbing on so many levels to see several babies on vents and all sorts of wires. We're talking all newborns too. The weirdest thing about seeing Sam is that he looks, despite the wound from his open heart surgery, chest tube and vent, like Matthew or Caroline did when they were a week old. It just seems so very wrong I guess because it is. I have never been one to take my children's health for granted, I am way too morbid and paranoid to be like that. But, I definetly think I take my life and the freedoms I have for granted. Jaime and Steve are tied to this little guy indefinetly. They are taking turns holding vigil by his bedside, never daring for a moment to relax, for fear that something may go wrong. There was another mom there whose daughter, Lindsey is somewhat of a "hypoplastic left heart" celebrity in our town. She is a little over one and has had two surgeries but now needs a heart transplant. Her mom has been with her at Mott's for over a year. They have two other children at home too. The strains have to be enormous for these families.
As I drove home, I prayed for Sam. I prayed for strength both physically and emotionally for Jaime and Steve. I thanked God for be so evident to them in these past months and begged him for more:) Immeasurably more!

You can't go home if its not your home anymore..

Interesting title eh?! That is how I felt on Friday as I drove to and around the town I grew up in, Midland, MI. I haven't lived there full time since 1993 and my parents moved from there in 1999. But, I always felt that Midland was my HOME. I loved growing up there and have very fond memories of time spent there. But, as I came down the highway M-20 passed the mighty Tittabawasse and the world famous Tridge, ok..not really famous but usually mocked:) I began to cry. Probably b/c I was going to a funeral for a guy I have known since he was three, whose death was tragic and senseless...all reasons to cry. But, more than that I think I was crying that Midland was being somewhat tarnished for me. Most of the people I knew that lived there haved moved on, their parents have retired and left Midland. I rarely get back there except for weddings and now a funeral.
After the funeral I drove passed my old house and could barely look at it. It reminds me so much of carefree days now passed. I am not the seventeen year old girl who lived there anymore. My home is in Portage, the streets here are familiar to me. I feel at home..I am now starting to hopefully create the same sense of security in my children's lives that I was fortunate to have on Springwood Drive in Midland. I think I was maybe crying b/c I realized and yes, I know this is going to sound obvious and stupid that I am the adult now. That no "home" is really able to shield you from the bad stuff in life. That even while growing up in Midland, lots of crappy stuff happened back then too. I just didn't have to deal with it.
I was planning on hanging out for awhile but Jeff's surgery caused him to be really nauseous and he was in alot of pain, so I high tailed it back home. After I got the kids bathed and in bed and Jeff some ginger ale and chicken noodle soup:), I sat on my couch, in MY HOME and thought...its GOOD TO BE HOME:)

Long Sigh...

That is what I am feeling like today. I woke up this morning to a bright and sunny day. It was Matthew's last day of preschool so I was showered, coffee'd and ready to go at 8:30. I made the mistake of checking my email quickly to see if there was any updates. There was, telling me that yesterday was a rough day for the little guy and one from my dear friend Sarah telling me her twenty eight year old brother who has struggled with alcoholism died in his sleep last night. I then discovered she had left me a voicemail at 2 am but unfortunatley I didn't hear the phone. Then I read the update about Samuel being on a vent now and what a rough day he had yesterday. I started to cry and my sweet little boy was so cute and came up and patted my back and said, " Why are you sad mommy?" " Are you sad at me?" I reassured him that I wasn't "sad at him". That my friend had found out some bad news and I was sad for her. He then gave me a hug and kiss and said, " There..its all better!" I wish little man! I called my mom on the way to school to tell her and she told me that her friend and neighbor just found out she has a malignant brain tumor. Relaly cheery news from our end of things right now.
Thankfully, the weather was beautiful today and I was able to get out in the yard to do some much needed weeding and just think and pray. Makenna and Avery came home this evening and I spoke to Julie, Jaime's sister who said that things are going ok in AA. That Samuel is hooked up to all sorts of machines and tubes but is doing as expected. My prayer for Samuel on Thursday is that God would do immeasurably more through this little boys life. That Thursday is a success and he heals quickly and able to come home soon. Please lift my friend Sarah and her family in prayer as they prepare to bury their brother and son whose life was filled with sadness in these past years. I pray he is finally at peace...
Also pray for Jeff, who is having an outpatient procedure done on Friday. The same day as the funeral. I have pieced together childcare and Jeff's mom is going to be taking him home from the hospital. But, I feel really badly that I won't be there for him b/c he is always there for me. He knows how important that it is to me to be there for my friend and her family though. Its a routine, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Hopefully, this weekend this will start to look up around here!

Blessings abound

Last Friday night I went to a blessings shower for Jaime in Grand Rapids. It was about ten of us, just sharing what Jaime's friendship means to us and special Bible verses that we hope she finds comforting while she is going through this all with little Sam. It was needless to say incredibly emotional for all involved..especially Jaime. There were lots of moments that I was so overcome with the power of what it actually means to be a Christian to see how palpable Christ is always but especially when people truly need him. One of the most profound moments that I told Jaime about yesterday was when she was talking about how much Christ has grown her through this ordeal and how she is handling this so much different then when her dad was sick. To back up, two years ago, Jaime's father had to have a liver transplant. I didn't know Jaime until right after he had the transplant and I remember last summer we would often talk about his health, my mom's health and of course all the blogs of people I know and don't know. You could defintely sense a fear and a mistrust in Christ from the both of us!:) But on Friday night she said that when her dad was sick she would also be pleading with God during prayer "Please God, don't let him die" and now her prayers for Sam and this situation are "Please God, whatever your will is, I trust you but please don't leave me" She said there is such freedom in not being exhausted by feeling like you have to plead your case for Christ but to instead let Him carry you through..especially through the valleys!
Its interesting to me to be someone that is actually close to the person going through the valley/crisis. Before I have always been an aquaintance or an outsider looking in. But, with Jaime, we're close friends and neighbors, which has allowed me the privledge to have a closer look at what people actually go to on a day to day basis in situations like these. I will admit its a crappy situation. No one should have to deliver their little boy and then turn him over to surgeons two days later so he can have his chest opened up. We all know that our lives could end at any moment but to know that there is more of a likelyhood that your precious little boy may only be here days...yuck. One thing I know for sure is that I would never want to do it without a faith and more importingly FAITH in CHRIST. He does sustain us and give us all we need.
Please pray for Jaime and Sam on Monday..Sam's birthday! More importingly pray for Sam and his surgeons and the entire family on Thursday as he undergoes his first open heart surgery. Pray also specifically for their daughters Avery,6 and Makenna almost 4. That those of us, back here in Kalamazoo that will be taking care of them in these coming weeks have the right words and actions to keep them happy and occupied and not too stressed and anxious about this new life.
S

NORMAL!

I got my test results from my quad test today...a week early! and they were normal! AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!! I am so happy and thankful but honestly with all that Jaime is going through with the impending birth of Sam in a few weeks my heart is still so heavy. I actually can't write more b/c I am on my way to go to a "Blessings shower" for her in GR. A bunch of us are getting together to read scripture,poems,good thoughts and to just pray over this little one and their entire family.
I will post more later about the name game:)

S

More girl drama!

First of all...its a girl! I wish I could say absolutely for certain that this baby is perfectly healthy. She is a mover and a shaker and it was hard for the tech to get good measurements. So, out of four fetal neucal mesurements one was slightly elevated so I am having the Alfa Fetal Protein test to hopefully definetively rule out down syndrome.
I am slightly worried..but since I saw how much she was moving and the levels weren't even that high I am not in total panic mode. It is going to stink waiting two weeks to find out and perhaps longer if more testing is needed but at the end of the day we love this little girl already...down syndrome or not!
Please pray that we would get through these next two weeks by leaning on our faith not our fears!
Sue

Great Wolf Lodge fun!

Hello
We ended up making it to Great Wolf Lodge and having a fantastic time. It was a much needed break from all the regular routines we have around here. Not to mention that daddy/hubby has been very busy with tax season this year and we missed him. It was nice to just be with our family and enjoy our children. I really felt like I especially bonded with Caroline there which was nice considering she can definetly try my patience.
In other news, we purchased a mini van today. I am excited to pick it up on Weds. Its a used 2006 Town and Country. Its in great shape and has low miles which is what we were looking for. It will certainly come in handy when baby number three joins us in September. As I mentioned in my last post, my mom has relapsed with her muscle disease. She is having CAT scans done on Tuesday, so please pray for good results and non anxious spirits!:) Friday am is my big u/s and I will post both on FB and here on Friday pm. Big week for us! Praying for all good news!:)

Flares and sucky birthdays!

Its been a bad fourth birthday around west Michigan. Today is Matthew's 4th birthday. After the poor little guy has suffered with horrible abdominal pain and constipation for the past seven days, he came down with a high fever last night. This morning we were suppose to go to Great Wolf Lodge this morning but alas with fever boy we couldn't go. I knew we were in trouble when I told him and he said, "Ok mommy" Bless his little heart. All he said was, " Thats ok, mommy, I know its not Christmas, but I would really love to watch Frosty" Too cute for words! It took him back to the doctors to make sure he wasn't having anything serious going on with his tummy. They think its just bad luck and he caught a virus! I feel like we can't catch a break from the sickness around here. First Caroline had the runs for ten days then an ear infection and now Matthew and his tummy troubles.
In other crappy health news, my mom's dermatamytotsis is back. She got some of the symptoms about a month ago but was in denial. She finally went in for a blood test and her level that measures when its flaring are slightly elevated. The good news is that she has caught it much, much earlier than when she was initially diagnosed almost two years ago but she has to go back on predisone and metheltrexate,which is a cancer drug which caused her to lose a lot of hair last time. This time she has no muscle involvement which is great. We're just praying that it goes back in remission soon and that all the CT scans she will have come back clean with no signs of anything else going on. You all know me and my tendancy to overthink, and bascially freak out. I am happy to report that I am not doing this. I think I have come to terms with the fact that I am 34, my mom is nearly 62..people have things come up when they get older. Freaking out and fretting won't make anything easier..
I am anxious to get our u/s over with. I will admit I don't have as much peace about this upcoming procedure. I am pretty excited to find out what this little baby is though!
So, tommorrow we're off to Great Wolf Lodge..with lots and lots of Motrin!:)

S

May 1st

I was at the doctors today. Heard the little heartbeat...150 and got my u/s date. May 1st we will be finding out what the baby is. I met with the midwife, even though I am a scheduled c sec, I have met with the midwife twice now. She is so nice and understanding. We spent alot of time talking today about my neurotic self and she made me feel completly normal..just what you want in a medical professional! The baby is sitting really high which surprised me but I have felt alot of moment and higher up which explains it! I am still conflicted on what this baby is. Somedays I am sure its a boy, others sure its a girl. Only time will tell!

Caroline has been horribly sick with a version of rotovirus. She has had diahrea ( I can never spell this word;) for over ten days now...uggh! I think finally, today she is better! Poor little girl has been in so much pain, her little behind is just raw. Last night she took her diaper off twice and was screaming "Ooowee, owee, mommy huggie" Just about broke my heart. But, she won't let me put cream on her so it takes Jeff holding her down and me putting on the cream to accomplish that mission. I was sick yesterdaywith a fever, chills and a sore throat. I feel much better today thankfully!

Easter weekend should be filled with fun. Jeff's sister Jenny is coming to town and so we will be there on Sat. Sunday is church and our church's first annual Easter egg hunt. Afterwards we're going to Barb's for dinner. My mom is back from FL and coming up next week to help me prepare for next weekend's garage sale!

Happy Easter!
S

My vain imagination

Last night I was so gripped with fear over this new little one growing inside that I was wishing I could take a Zanax!:( I have been much better about this lately b/c of the Esther Bible study that I just concluded by Beth Moore. One thing that she said that will stick with me for evermore was that God's grace isn't intended for our vain imagination. Just because I can work up every horrifying scenario in my brain dosen't mean that qualifies me for grace and peace through Christ. In fact, I would reckon to say that it downright angers God when we lack trust in Him and His plan. I will admit thinking about that make the anxiety all the worse. I just keep praying through it by repeating the words.."VAIN IMAGINATION" over and over. The anxiety passed and I could almost swear that I could hear God sighing thinking " This women is driving me crazy!":)
Short and sweet but on my mind...

To know..

Ok Bloggers. You have spoken and I am listening. Whenever our u/s is we will be finding out the sex of the baby:)
In other news, yesterday was my 34th birthday. I had a very nice day that started with MOPS and then Barb came over so I could go get a pedicure and do some maternity clothes shopping. When I got home from the mall, Matthew was acting really weird and saying his throat and stomach hurt. Barb said he didn't eat much while she was there which immediately alarmed me b/c he eats like a little piggie all afternoon usually. Sure enough, about ten minutes after she left poor little dude puked all over the bathroom and partially on me:( Thankfully, Jeff let me go ahead and continue with my plans to meet several girlfriends out for dinner. It was a wonderful night with great friends. Matthew did get sick one more time but that was it. He woke up this morning completly normal and full of energy! Thank goodness! I am not feeling well at all and have gotten sick a few times myself today. I think it might be a combo of flu bug/pregnant bug. Hopefully Jeff and Caroline will escape it.
On a more serious note. I have mentioned the McMama Blog here before. Please go there if you never have www.mycharmingkids.net and pray for little Stellan and get some amazing insights on the power of prayer and God's grace in difficult times.
Later!
S

To know or not to know...that is the question bloggers!

We have a little under a month until we could determine the sex of said Simpson baby to be:) I have never been one of those people who wanted to wait till the end to find out..I mean its a surprise in April or its a surprise in September. But, I have had random changes of heart as of late. I mean, we have one of each and got rid of all of our baby clothes anyways. Its not like we're going to be going out and buying a ton of clothes no matter what. Remember people we're in a recession:)!!
Truly, all I care about on the date of our u/s is that little baby is healthy and happy and doing all he or she should be at 20 weeks. Which "parts" it comes with really doesn't matter because this baby is sleeping in Caroline's pink room no matter what for awhile at least! Actually, it will sleep in our room for at least three months before we have Matthew, our dead to the world sleeper share a room with baby bro or sis.
So, I am potentially leaving it up to you, fellow bloggers, let your voice be heard!

No more naps...sigh!

Caroline is becoming more and more of a official big girl. Her language is really picking up and she isn't really napping consistently anymore. This stinks but its all ok when she lays her weary little girly head down on her toddler bed at 6:30 every evening to sleep. When she naps she is up WAY TOO LATE. We are talking 11-11:30p.m. and you can still hear her running around, taking off her diaper, etc:) The other night we found her completly naked wrapped in her blankies like she was thinking,"I prefer to sleep au natural!" It was cute! I should have snapped a pic!
She is obsessed with Dora and would literally watch her all day if I let her.
She is a bug and a pistol but so darn cute that I just want to eat her all up!

S

A little dab will (sometimes) do you!

The past two days have been tough in the parenting world of Susan Simpson. I won't go into every hairy detail but some of my week included the following:
- falling down half a flight of stairs while holding Caroline. Thankfully neither of us sustained major damage but I did manage to badly cut and bruise my ankle and leg.
- Caroline running into the parking lot and almost making it to a major street b4 being saved my the manager at the resturant we were eating at. If you were wondering where I was, I was trying to console an hysterical almost four year old and failed to see her dodge past me!
- Many, many meltdowns!
Too many of my nights ended we me feeling very much alone and crying. I am in a valley of sorts. Our Pastor spoke of these very such things last Sunday and while I listened I thought of people in my life who I feel are "justified" to call themselves valley dwellers. But, as I tried to wrangle my screaming 2 and almost 4 year old from the park yesterday I thought, " No, this sucks, this certainly ain't no frickin mountain top, this is a crappy, crappy valley!" We were with Jaime and her girls and you could just see it on her face that she was thinking " Sucks to be you." (Of course this was in a nice, well meaning sort of way:) She called me later to see if I was ok and I said that I realized some things. I need to DAILY go to GOD and seek HIS will and WISDOM and STRENGTH for my life. To not just throw my arms up in defeat and think " This is as good as it gets." I got my MOPS monthly magazine the other day and there was an article that so directly spoke to my heart that I cut it out and it nows hangs on my fridge. The women who wrote the article could most definetly have been me ten years ago and she made four points that I feel are so very, very true. They are the following:
My children were created for a specific reason and are a gift to me.
We're on a good journey despite our ups and downs.
God will use these difficulties for His good and wise purposes!
I can be OK, even when my children are not!This last one especially hit close to home. They are 4 and 2...I am dangerously close to 34...so acting like I am 4 or 2...not cool!
So, I just have to go to God, be grateful for all I have and all that isn't in my valley and keep on keeping on.
And now for the title of my post! After Jeff got home and we fed the kids, I left to "let off some steam". I was planning on going directly to Barnes and Nobles to get a nice cup of tea ( since I can't have a much needed glass of wine). But as I drove there I caught a glimpse of my tear streaked,pastie white face and pulled into Kohl's instead. I first went to the maternity section and let me just digress and say how much I hate shopping for maternity clothes...they are so UGLY! Anyways, after a few minutes of trying on horribly unflattering shirts and pants, I b-lined to to the makeup section. Where to my great joy discovered Kohl's has a ton of free samples to try! So, I proceeded to completly redo my makeup, while the lady who worked the section looked at me with a stare that seemed to say, " Not the point lady, your suppose to buy stuff!" To which I shot back an equally terrifying look that hopefully said, " Don't mess with me lady, I am a pregnant mom on the edge here!" As I walked out, I even topped it all of with a few squirts of cheap Ashley Judd perfume. I took my freshly coifed, cheap smelling self to Barnes and Nobles and ordered my hot tea and a cookie to boot. I gathered a slew of magazines and along with my Bible and Esther bible study sat down to two hours of pure bliss. Just me, my IPOD, tea and reading matl's.
The point in all of this to me is a little dab of makeup may do you but a little dab of time with GOD and his word most certainly will NOT!
Thanks for listening!
On a really positive note, I saw the bambino on u/s today and it has arms and legs now!! Its looking more and more like a real baby! I just know this one is going to be my quiet, calm child...one can always hope!:)
Have a fantastic weekend!

Ray LaMontagne

I have been listening to this musician alot lately and LOVE him! I discovered him about three years ago and really have never heard a song of his I don't love. I especially love "Let it be me" and "You are the best thing"
I recommend downloading immediately:)
Happy listening!

Free to be you and me..

Remember that song?! Today, I met Jaime and the girls at McDonald's for lunch. Its kinda of becoming a regular thing for us. Its rare moments where we have the kids but the mix of french fries and a germ laden playland keep them mostly occupied for the most part so we can just talk. And it usually it goes to "theology" and baby Sam. Even before these events happened to Jaime, I found in her a kindered spirit of being able to be very "real" about how I think about faith and loss and fear. She said to me a few weeks ago that its nice to be able to talk to me b/c I am morbid. Some may take that as a negative but I know she meant it more as a compliment. I think she feels like she can disclose more of what she is thinking about all of this and not feeling like she has to "sugar" coat or "faith" coat anything. She can just say what she is thinking. Today we were debating Old Testament God with New Testament
" Christ" :) We like New Testament God way more..mercy!!
I like that since finding out about Sam that I can still be myself with Jaime. Our friendship hasn't changed. I can be me and she can be her! I love how God brings fabulous people into my life!
Hope you all have someone that you can be free with!
S

Samuel Ekkens

Jaime and Steve have chosen a name for their upcoming arrival, Samuel! I love this name and am happy to be able to call him by name in my prayers. They have set up a caring bridge page for little Sam. Please visit and pray for them! Here is the link

Dear Friends and Family,
I created a CaringBridge site to keep you up to date on Samuel Ekkens. CaringBridge is a nonprofit organization that helps friends and families stay connected.
You can visit Samuel's CaringBridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/samuelekkens

We're keeping busy around here. Busy week of MOPS, its spa day..fabulous and I have a massage scheduled tommorrow that is offered for free for pregnant moms!! Love it! Two days of pampering! I have a prayer request for myself and the kids, I am really trying to NOT scream at them. It was getting better but I had a wake up call this weekend about being more merciful and loving in my parenting and really want to get this under control. So please specifically pray that I would work ON NOT SCREAMING when I have asked for the 100th time that Matthew not body slam his sister from the arm of the couch:)Ahh parenting!
S

If ________ then________!

I am doing the most recent Beth Moore study on Esther at Southridge Church. I will fully admit that with all the yucky, nauseousness, I have been really bad about getting there on Monday nights and have been even worse about completing my homework. But, last night, as I lay on the couch after yet another bout of dry heaving, I thought to myself, "Just cancel Barb and stay home" Jeff was working late and so barb was coming over to stay with the kids. Then I thought, " But, if I stay home I have to put the kids to bed, at least I can just sit and maybe learn something, just go" Nice mommy huh? So, I went and once again Beth and the HS powerfully spoke to me.
Last night's discussion was on FEAR and how it can ruin our walks and how the devil loves to use FEAR to bring us away from TRUSTING in our FAITH and the LORD. One profound thing Beth said that will forever stick with me is if ______ happened, meaning the worst thing you could imagine then what happens? Beth disclosed that one of her greatest fears is her husband falling in love with someone else and leaving her. She said she has really worked through this with God over the last 14 months and felt like when she would be fearing this God would say, then what? To which she listed off several reactions that would take place if indeed her husband left her b/c he fell in love with someone else. By the way, I couldn't imagine that being a fear for her! Why would anyone leave that godly women, just goes to show us how we're all human I guess. Anyways, she finished the sentence by saying, " If my husband left me, then my God would still be FAITHFUL, he would still be the SAME GOD! What a simple yet such a freeing statement. Because its so wonderfully true.
My blanks would be If one of my children died, then GOD WOULD STILL BE GOD! and He would carry me through it. I have seen this carried out in many of the women's lives I am privledged to know. I know that statement is true for Shelly and Jaime and JoEllen and in the lives of other's people's lives I read about. It just didn't seem to apply to me. Now, I am not saying that I welcome those things happening but at the end of the day FEARING them will no longer rule my life or my FAITH. I am sure some of you out there may be thinking," DUH!" But it was a profound moment for me. I nearly cried at the joy of not having to fear. Of knowing no matter what if, God will never leave me.

Insurance prayers

Jaime and Steve went to Ann Arbor yesterday to get a consult with the specialists there. It seems that Priority Health would cover that part of it but is leaning toward not allowing them to go there once the baby is born. After going there, Jaime is certain this is where the baby needs to be in order for the best possible chance of survivial and quality of life. They faced some pretty grim and hard realities yesterday. It was so hard to hear her talk about all of this and not be able to "fix" anything or really say anything that seemed helpful. I know all she really needs is to be able to talk and be heard and I am glad to be able to do that.
Please pray that PH would cover U of M for them. Tell everyone you know that prays to pray...

My best poker face

As I lay awake last night praying for Jaime, the title of the this post came to me. Why was I awake in the midst of the night praying for my dear friend..b/c I found out last night that her insurance has denied them going to Ann Arbor. Its so frustrating and unfair. My heart literally felt like it was going to break for her last night. She is so overwhelmed and feeling like she isn't being able to give her baby the best possible medical care. But, then I felt like God was saying, " What if Ann Arbor isn't where I want this baby to be?" I found some comfort in this thought. That perhaps, the hospital where he will go is really where God wants him to be. That God has it all figured out and we should just pray that God's will be done.
Then I thought of my own little baby and all the anxiety that goes with wondering if everything will be ok and thought.." Don't give me anything difficult God, I don't want to grow through something like that..I might not keep the faith, so don't test me." Then I thought, " You stupid, stupid girl, you can't bargain with God, what will be will be." Don't you all wish you were sleeping next to me?:)
So, the poker face thought comes from me thinking I can not exactly let God what I am thinking. Like he doesn't know my every thought, desire, fear..etc
I remember when Josh Buck spoke at our church awhile ago about all he and his family have endured he said something that has stuck with me deeper than anything I have ever heard...He said, " God is more interested in you becoming more like Him than he is in you being happy here on this earth." Wow...pretty powerful words. And, truthfully, is exactly why believing in God scares the crap out of me. I totally admit to wanting the easy, happy, road really traveled. God, well his dosen't seem to be too fond of that way of life.
Not sure why I am posting all of this..probably b/c my friend's baby is gravely sick and his future is unknown, I hurt for her and worry that something equally crappy could one day happen to me. Maybe, just a guess..

Zofran,,my new best friend

So I have posted about how the nausea and vomiting of this pregnancy is really getting to me. I spent most of the weekend sleeping in bed. It was not fun! You know that feeling you have when you have the stomach flu and your just about to puke and that rush of salivia pours into your mouth as you run into the bathroom? That is me..24-7. I called on Friday afternoon and they told me to come in today for a B6 shot. Then, this weekend I had another bout of mild spotting so I called this morning and they switched the apt to a midwife apt to check out the spotting. I did get the B6 shot which hurt like a mother and they also did another ultrasound to check out beanie baby who is still doing wonderfully. This time it was in the real u/s room with the "big" machine. You could see the little arm and leg buds...really cool. Beanie's heartrate was 169 which is good. Not that I was too worried, for real this time:), afterall isn't puking your guts out a sign of a healthy pregnancy for goodness sake. Apparently my body just likes to shed some blood in early pregnancy.
They also gave me Zofran which is what they give cancer patients undergoing chemo and radiation and boy does it work! I feel better right now then I have in two weeks!
Some prayer requests for Jaime and her situation
They are running into some insurance issues with having to go to Ann Arbor, pray that they would be resolved...this is huge in terms of costs!
They are scheduled to go to Ann Arbor this Friday to see the specialists. Pray for miraculous good news. We know our God can do anything in this baby's life!
Pray for peace as it all gets more and more real to them!
S

one tiny heartbeat

Is what we saw on Wednesday afternoon at the doctor's office. I was very happy and so was the daddy to be! I would have been surprised had we not seen one b/c I have been so sick. We're talking lay on the couch feel like I have the flu, sleep all day, dry heave when I am not..sick. Its been horrible. I am on phenegran every six hours which helps some but makes me so tired. Its been a tough week. I am feeling pretty discouraged but then I remember that this will all be worth it when we hold that little bundle in September. I also try and remind myself that there are so many people out there who would die to have one child and to be able to get pregnant so easily. But, then sometimes the sarcastic part of my mind thinks.."Oh yah..take my fertile myrtleness!" Just kidding.
This weekend should be moderatly survivable. Jeff came home early today and I was able to rest in our room for a couple hours without kids. Later tonight we're watching "Fireproof" b/c we're starting that bible study on Sunday night. Tommorrow Jeff has to work ALL day! Then when he comes home I am meeting some girls from church for dinner. Sunday we have the regular church and small group.
That is about all..I think I might toss my cookies! Hope your all better than me!
S

Pukey

That is how I feel. I felt fine until today and then I woke up and felt "Yuck!" Thankfully it comes and goes and isn't all day like my pregnancy with Matthew. Now, I may be counting my chickens a little too early, tommorrow it could be pukesville all day. Lets hope not! Since I have had gastric bypass surgery, eating isn't an option...its a necessity for this little bean to grow big and strong.
I went in to the OB yesterday with some light, almost miniscule spotting, they did an ultrasound and said not to expect to see a heartbeat just yet. I didn't get to see a heartbeat but there was a sac and a little yolk sac. I have a regular u/s scheduled for next Weds and there should be one by then. The doctor said everything looks great. I would have felt a wee more convinced had we seen that little flicker, but I figure if the medical professional isn't worrying, why should I? Your all probably thinking, "LIAR!!" " Your totally worrying" In all honestly, not, feeling pukey is oddly reassuring!:)
The kids have been really great lately, much more mellow and fun. We went to a waterpark in Frankenmuth last Friday and had a BLAST! It was just me and the kids with my girlfriend and her family. It was probably one of the most satisfactory days I have had as a mom. It was totally one of the situations that could have been a disaster but happily it was smooth sailing. This week is fairly busy with MOPS, a field trip for Matthew to a gymnastics center and a girls night this Saturday.
Please keep little beanie in your prayers that soon he/she will have a heartbeat to show this expectant and ok, somewhat anxious mommy!:)

Praise God!

I just to Jaime and she got the results from the amino and the baby doesn't have one of the Trisonomies that cause babies to die within hours of their births. What a praise! Now, they begin the journey to Ann Arbor and meeting with the specialists to find out what happens to this little man,yet to be named once he arrives. I am so thankful that this news was delivered. I am praying for a miracle, that God would heal this little baby and he would be able to tell everyone what His God did for him! I am praying that Jaime and Steve and their little ones Makenna and Avery would feel peace and strength from their God over these next months.
Matthew overheard me talking to a friend who called to see if Jaime had heard anything yet and he came up and said,
"Mama..Jaime's baby has a sick heart."
"We need to pray that God will heal him"
" God can heal him and make his heart whole."
Amen little man!

Freak in overdrive

That would pretty much describe me! God must just laugh at me as he watches from above. A week ago I was saying to Jeff.." I am so glad I am not pregnant. I couldn't take all that stress of worrying about it all again!" " I am so glad we're done...phew" Fast forward a week and here I am in the throws of full throttle anxiety. Please pray that I would just chill and realize that this is indeed one of those situations where I have NO control. Worrying for the next nine months is senseless..my mind knows this but my heart already loves this baby very much and wishes it were September 10th and that part was over. Of course then I would be blogging about how I am obessesing over worrying that something will happen to him or her b/c they are out...

and the madness continues!

NOT ME THURSDAY

OK, so its suppose to be not me Mondays..but this was to good to wait...

I most definetly did not take a pregnancy test and it came back positive!
I can't be having a baby in September...
or can I ??

Yes, its true, anyone who knows me knows I can't keep a secret.
In all seriousness..we're happy but completly shocked and feeling ill equipped to handle another bundle. But, we know God never gives us more thatn we can handle..right!!:) Please pray that this little bundle is being perfectly knit together and that in September we would happily welcome another Simpson into the world!

Bet I shocked the stink out of most of you..huh!

S

Loving Caroline

I have blogged numerous times before on the challenges of Caroline's personality. She is strong willed and determined to say the least. But, I have come in these past few weeks to embrace her little personality in a new way. To try and look at the challenging moments more like teaching moments instead of either a)giving her what she wants or b) freaking out on her! Both Jeff and I have come to realize that if you can make it through fifteen minutes of unadulterated screaming,she usually gives up. Now this is USUALLY, she has been known to go on for up to 45 minutes.
Yesterday she had a ped opthomology apt in GR. She was being fairly strong willed with the doctor and he just laughed and sympathized b/c evidently his 8 year old daughter was just like Caroline as a toddler. He then proceeded to tell me of a study that found that strong willed children are less likely to be influenced by peer pressure. I pray that is the case with little Squeak, as she is affectionately known. That has been my prayer for her for sometime, as her stubborness has become more evident to us. That she will use it for good, to stand for what is right and be a shining example to her peers instead of leading the pack into bad choices. I always pray that she would be surrounded by great friends who hold her accountable when we're not there to do that as much anymore. To be honest, thinking about my kids growing up to that age where they are on thier "own" so to speak freaks me out. Sure, this season has it challenges but at the end of the day, I know where they have been, what they've watched, who they have hung out with and that they are safely sleeping in my home.
I am not sure where this post came from. I guess, its because although raising Caroline isn't so easy, with all her requests for "guggies" and to watch "Chanted" aka "Enchanted" and her contagious belly laugh, loving Caroline is one of the easiest things I have ever been lucky enough to do!

Prayers please

I have another post brewing,as my computer is now fixed..but I have an urgent prayer request for you all. My neighbor and good friend Jaime is 20 weeks pregnant with a little boy who they found out this week only has 1/2 of his heart. They think he doesn't have any other chromosome issues but won't know anymore until the have an amnio in a few weeks. Jaime and her husband Steve are strong Christians,but obviously they are devastated and overwhelmed. Pray that they would have peace and doctors and other medical professionals who can guide them through this scary road!
Tough stuff!
S