Top Ten Thankful Thanksgiving List

I have done this list every year for awhile now. Here is what I am thankful for this year..

10. Our new flat screen t.v. We had the old school one for so long. I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do. Bonus is that it was gifted to us!
9. Having 67 Gilmore Girls dvr'd ,so that at a moments notice I am able to enjoy some witty banter and relax.
8. Living in a great neighborhood where the kids have great friends, you get a jump when your minivan dies in your driveway or your half way through baking a cake and realize your missing half the ingredients.
7. Pioneer Women. This women and her blog www.pioneerwomen.com have transformed my meal planning. It may have also inadvertantly added a few lbs!
6. Having my home transformed this summer by my wonderful friend, Nicole. Six months later and we're still organized and blessed everyday because of her kindness.
5. Sallie Mae for loaning me money to go back to get my MSW. I feel like I found the missing piece of the puzzle through this journey and am so happy to be in school.
4. Wee Care for providing my children with loving childcare. Words could never express the peace of mind in knowing that your children are being well taken care of and loved when your not able to be with them.
3. An amazing husband that continues to love me, support me and be the best father a child could ever want.
2. A wonderful extended family of moms, dads, aunts, uncles, sister, brother and cousins. Whether it's the helping with the kids, bringing you down when your irritated and you need a voice of reason or having fun on vacations at Silver Lake and Wisconsin water parks.
1. Jesus. Words could never begin to express my thankfulness.
We are blessed.
Have a wonderful Turkey Day. The Simpsons will be in Chicago feasting with my family. We're looking forward to it!!
Gobble Gobble!!

No title

I have no title. Just felt like blogging. Thanks to those of you who emailed me! I will be making it private sooner than later. It has been interesting to me as I have quit Facebook how blogs in general are getting to be annoying and problematic to me. After the blogger I mentioned in my last post deleted my comment, I was more than just a little irritated. I wanted to write back and say so many things that really in the end would do nothing that would glorify God. I am seeing this more and more in the world of blogging. Not only completely ridiculous posts of half naked bloggers, primped up kids, cats and dogs and mean, spiteful, hateful comments. All of the blogs I read have a Christian undertone. All of them proclaim to be Christian, but more often than not, their words, their lives, and certainly the comments their posts generate are negative!!!
In my quiet times I have been led to cut these blogs out of my life. It can be a struggle because what can I say, I am drawn to the drama.
Over all all this review of my computer habits has really made me evaluate my own blogging. I want to blog for three reasons:
1. To document these precious days of my little ones that will all too soon be gone.
2 To document our lives in general and how we are making it, day by day, through the grace of God.
3. To glorify God.
AMEN!

Private

Today I had something happen that really irritated me. I was reading a blog of someone I barely know. She has a blog and has gone to great lengths to make this blog widely read. She didn't realize the implications of trying to make her blog popular and found out that her private pictures, which she posted on her blog, had been used on someone else's blog. That is creepier than creepy. I made a comment on her blog stating that it was unfortunately a casualty of having a blog that is widely read. Now I ask you, Was that offensive of me? The blogger thought so, deleted my comment and then accused me of bringing negativity into her life. Whatever. I intended no ill will. To me that is basic blogger 101. If you type it, post it and don't own it, copyright it you're opening yourself up to that type of creepiness.
All of this prompted me to consider something I thought about awhile ago..to make my blog private. There once was a time that I hoped for lots of readers and comments. Those days are past. I am writing this for my kids, my family and myself. I want to know who is reading this. So, if you would like to continue reading please email me at sazzaro@hotmail.com and I will add you to my list.
Thanks...
Susan

I'm loving it....

Lately I have that snappy little McDonald's jingle in my head. What am I loving you may be asking yourselves? LIFE! I haven't been this happy and satisfied with my life in a long time. The balance between school and kids and just life in general is going great. I love having the entire weekend through Tuesday, to be with the kids and Jeff, catch up on homework, clean, grocery shop and do the stay at home mom thing and then Wednesday through Friday is school and internship. The balance has made me so much more patient and content in nearly every area. The Facebook break has allowed me to focus more time on quiet times with God, reading books with the kids and just catching up on stuff that needs to get done. Being at a secular school has allowed me to exercise my ability to be bold and intentional in my faith. In fact, I am making quite a name for myself as a conservative Christian on campus:). Funny because in most other circles I tend to be the liberal one.
This morning I took Ellie to the library to play and for the toddler story time. We had such a great time. It made me realize how much I was missing out while I was forcing myself to be at home full time. I haven't really enjoyed kid related activities for some time. I am glad that I didn't waste all of the precious time I have with my kids and that we're making our way, day by day, to a happier place.
Fall is finally here and I am glad. I hate to see Summer go but it is always nice to welcome a new season. Especially Fall! I love crock pot dinners, soups and stews, apples, pumpkins, Halloween and Thanksgiving. This year we're heading to my parents in Chicago. My sister's family will be there too. Lots of fun stuff going on in our world! Hope your enjoying your family and the Fall!!

Caroline is 5!

I can't believe it. I know I say that all the time when the kids have a birthday but really, this time, I mean it!! It doesn't seem possible that we've had five years of that little spit fire! I love her so, so much even on her most demanding days. I love that she knows her mind, she is creative, she is energetic, she is loyal, she is like me in so many ways. I think that has always been the true source of contention between us, on the days when we get the best of each other. Seeing someone who came from you, exhibit your strengths and weaknesses, is humbling to say the least! Caroline's smile melts my heart and brightens the dreariest of days. Her lisp and way of talking is so very sweet and even though I am thrilled at the accomplishments she has made in regards to her speech, I admit I will be sad to hear her babyish was of speaking go by the wayside.
Caroline started Young Fives this year and loves going to school everyday. She loves her teacher and has made some special friends. While Matthew and Ellie struggled with the adjustment to daycare, for Caroline its been a breeze. She loves her neighbor girlfriends, especially Daphnee, Roxanne and Avery and Makenna. As I mentioned before, Caroline is creative and is a talented artist. She could spend hours coloring. She likes music and dancing and performing.
The conversation we had tonight before bed sums it all up to me,
"Caroline, what little almost five year old does mommy love best?"
Flashes her baby browns and that giant smile and says happily, "Me, Sweet Carowine!"
Happy 5th Birthday to the sweetest Caroline of all!

Leading on Empty

I read this on another blog that I read and I just loved it. It is a prayer that speaks so much to me in this current season of life...


May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, hard hearts, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live from deep within your heart where God's Spirit dwells.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world and in your neighborhood, so you will courageously try what you don't think you can do, but in Jesus Christ you'll have the strength necessary to do.

May God bless you so you remember we are all called to continue God's redemptive work of love and healing in God's place, in and through God's name, in God's Spirit, continually creating and breathing new life and grace into everything and everyone we touch.

Indiana Jones...

Matthew is obsessed with all things Indiana Jones, Star Wars and Harry Potter. In that order. He has especially taken to Harrison Ford and one of his life ambitions is to meet him. I didn't have the heart to crush his little spirit and tell him that there was probably a 2%chance that he would ever meet him. And who knows? Maybe he will meet Harrison Ford someday. He is going to be Indiana Jones for Halloween. He already has the hat and wears it all the time.
Last night my brother was in town for business. Matthew loves Uncle Mike. No, adores is really more the word. I think its mostly because my brother is so hands on with my kids. He spent like a half an hour reading books to them before bed, wrestled with them and played Wii. Matthew was wearing his Star Wars helmet that annoys the crap out of me. You press a button on it and it repeats the same four phrases over and over! He was excited to show it and kept pressing it. I asked him to stop and he didn't. I yelled at him. Then my brother said something that really resonated with me. He said to enjoy the days of little boys wearing Star Wars helmets, dancing adorably around the living room to the themes songs and snuggling with their uncle.Because it will be gone before I know it. In its place will be a moody, awkward teenager who says, "Whatever mom, I am going to my room" Hopefully not, but you never know. Who would have thought that my baby brother would be the source of wisdom on parenting in my life? Not me!!
Point of this post...Yes kids can be annoying and their toys DEFINITELY can be annoying but they're also so stinkin adorable and little for such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things so snuggle them up, read to them and pretend like meeting Harrison Ford is certainly possible!

Obedience

So last night I deactivated me Facebook account. It has been a long time coming, this decision. What it really is all about is being obedient to the God I love and whose grace I bask in daily. The thing about the grace is I have fear I have come to take it for granted. I say I will change, I promise to do better and then DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. I don't make the tough changes that need to take place. I am sick of that and I am sick of KNOWING I am missing out on the better way of living. I know obedience and living in accordance with God's will bring that better way of living and being in this world and hopefully will spill over to other's lives around me.
I am working with Nicole, the same fabulous lady who helped me with my house makeover, as a lifecoach. She asked me if I would enter into a lifecoach relationship with her for a class she is taking and I said, "Sure!" Little did I know how much I was about to be stretched! The first meeting she asked me where I felt God was asking me to grow. I immediately knew that my issue was with FB and that I needed to not just take a break but needed to quit it for a specific amount of time. I decided that I will not be back on it until after the school semester ends in December. I will reevaluate the decision and where I feel God is leading then.
This being the first 24 hours sans Facebook have been very difficult, more than I was anticipating! I am such a junkie!! I say this laughing but its not that funny. I spent way too much time and thought on FB. If I put half of much effort into other relationships, namely my one with God, I would be so blessed. So that's exactly what I intend on doing. Quiet times and snuggle time with my babies, study time and couple time. One thing I know for sure is being obedient sure is tough but there is no place I would rather be.

And we're off....

To the races...well, no, not really. But it certainly has felt like that these past two weeks. I started full time school and internship two days a week and Matthew and Caroline both started school. Matthew has a freshly graduated teacher and she seems to be great. Caroline has the teacher who Matthew had last year for Young Fives and is enjoying it. I think she was a bit taken aback that she would be going everyday considering last year it was only two days a week, but she is adjusting. Ellie is not adjusting as well as I would have hoped at daycare. She is really missing her mommy and crying a lot. I feel horrible about it. I know that it will take some getting use to but it is hard to see her little tear stained cheeks at the end of the day. And me? Well, I am LOVING grad school so far. I really feel like I made the best decision. I love all of my classes and although I have only had two days of internship under my belt, I love that too. My field instructor is a great teacher and a skilled social worker so it really makes the whole situation ideal. It has been strange to realize how much I missed practicing social work. For so much of my life I felt like my calling was to be a full time stay at home mom. But, as time went on, I realized that wasn't my calling and in fact, it was the cause of much of my unhappiness and frustrations. That was hard to come to terms with and to reconcile. I think it will always be a struggle to balance it all. Work, children, marriage, me, friends, etc. It's a lot of pressure, to get it right. I am just beginning to navigate that world but so far I find the challenge to be doable and not overwhelming.
Jeff has been great about helping get the kids ready for school, taking Ellie to daycare on my internship days and allowing me time to study. We're off on this new journey and loving it!!

September 11th

Tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of September 11th. I have heard several people say that no one who has the ability to recollect can forget where they were that awful day. I certainly have vivid memories of that day. In fact, it is as clear to me in this moment, as it was ten years ago.

I was fed up with social work and the daily grind and despair that type of work brings. I was even more fed up with the completely out of control office manager who was intent of ruining my life. So I basically up and quit. First I called a nanny agency and interviewed and got a nanny job. I began the job about a week before September 11th. The job was for two families. Each had a little girl who was 2.5 years old, Sophia and Jordan. Jordan's mom was a law professor at U of Chicago and had to go to Harvard, I think for a couple of weeks, and so they were gone and I was at Sophia's home watching her. This was nice because Sophia's parents lived much closer to me. I remember arriving to their apartment and the news was on for some reason. I find this recollection strange b/c these parent's weren't the kind that allowed their daughter to watch morning news programs(for good reason I might add!) Never the less, it was on and it all started unraveling before us. The first plane had already hit but they didn't know what had gone on and then just as we were watching it happened..a plane flew into the Trade Center. Before out very eyes, hundreds of miles away, the horror began to unfold. Sophia's dad, Michael left for work and I remembered thinking, "Why is he leaving?" I can't keep it together for this little girl who is old enough and verbal enough to know that something is horribly wrong. Now, having known this family for ten years I would certainly be like, "Ahh..no..your not leaving! This type of thing doesn't fall into nanny responsibility!"
He left and I was totally unsure of how to continue. I called Jeff at work, he worked in the city and I couldn't get a hold of him. Then I called my mom and my sister. We were all just trying to get a handle on what had just happened. One thing I distinctly remember is how even the news anchors seemed confused and shell shocked. At one point I began to cry and even though I did my best to try and hide it from Sophia she obviously noticed. She asked me why I was sad to which I responded that some people had made very bad choices and it caused many others to get hurt. A short time later Michael returned home and we talked about how didn't really understand what was happening. For some reason he didn't let me leave which I've never asked him about but at the time I definitely was thinking, "Dude, I want to go home!!" I still hadn't been able to get a hold of Jeff and by this time I was in total panic about it. Plus I had just met Michael and Sophia days earlier and wanted to be around people I could fully feel comfortable crying and generally freaking out around. Michael suggested that we go to the park to fly a kite. Again, I was like.."What the heck!? Fly a kite?!" So we went to the park and did fly a kite. The weather that day in Chicago was exactly the same as in New York, brilliantly sunny. As we walked to the park I noticed how eery the neighborhood felt. Completely still, barely any people were out. I remember as we were flying the kite, an airplane flew over the park. It was then that the tears I was struggling to withhold poured out. Finally Michael told me I could go and I drove home. By this time I had gotten a hold of Jeff and he was back at my apartment. We sat together and watched the coverage. There are certain images and sounds that are burned into my brain from that day. The brilliance of the blue sky, the people roaming the streets of New York covered in dirt and dust and the horrific last calls that were played from people trapped in the Trade Center. Those calls haunted and continue to haunt me. It was a depth of sorrow I have never known.
Ten years later much as changed. The world we lived in pre Trade Center was filled with an arrogance and false sense of security. I remember noticing how everyone, even the most atheist of my friend's, couldn't help but contemplate the possibility of a God. Everyone so desperately wanting to cling to something hopeful. No one wanted to be part of a world that could have such evil in it. The irony is that horrific things had happened to other people but not to us before 9/11 or at least in many minds that is how it seemed. There was certainly a solidarity among mankind and America at large that manifested a glimmer or hope.
Ten years is a long time. I hope that it always feels like it wasn't that long ago. That I am always able to honor those that lost their lives that day and continue to fight for our freedoms and protection.

Ellie

Today Ellie is 2! I can hardly believe it's been two years since that little lady came into our lives. She fits our family so well and it is hard to imagine a world without her! Ellie is a sweetie. She loves her brother and sister but can hold her own. She won't hesitate to pop you if you get in her face or in her way. Ellie is seeming to follow the speech delayed trend that the rest of the Simpson kids have been on. The one word that she has no problem saying is "NOooooooooooooooooo!" It is really quite cute. She loves to read books and color especially if she manages to finagle a marker. The girls loves markers!! She also loves marking her clothes, her hands, the table, etc. Mommy isn't quite as happy about that! Ellie loves being outside and being with the ig kids. She is especially fond of our neighbor, Sam who is 2 also! She always looks for him and points at his house looking to play with him. Ellie loves her family especially Daddy and Grandma Barb. In addition to "no" some of her other favorite words are "Ama","Mamma","Dada" and "This". We're getting her tested, again, for speech and hope she qualifies this time.
Ellie is embarking on a new adventure this fall. She is going to daycare three days a week because mommy is going back to school for her MSW. She tried it out last week for two days and really enjoyed it. She loves to play with the other kids and was exhausted by the end of the two days!! We're hoping she has lots of fun and learns things too. Like how to share!! That is one thing she doesn't really like to do. But hey,what two year old likes to share!?
To celebrate Ellie's 2nd birthday we're having a small celebration tonight with a dinner that Grandma Barb and Papa Burt are coming to. Mommy made a cherry chip cake. Next weekend is the real party with all of the family. Even Grandma Betsy and Papa Lenny are coming. Rumor has it Aunt Jenn, Uncle Keith, Clair and Patrick might come b/c they live closer now that they are living back in Detroit.
We love our little girl with many names. Some of her nicknames are: Ellie Bellie, Ooga(Caroline only calls her this!), Boo-Boo, Bada boo boo, and if she is really being a stinker she might hear her full name..Elizabeth Jane!!
We love you Ellie!! Happy 2nd birthday!

The God in You..

The God in you helps you bear up under pressure better than most who don't
know Him. The God in you makes you love your enemy. The God in you shields
you from all hurt, harm and danger. The God in you has you laughing when
others would be frowning. The God in you helps you see your way out of no
way. The God in you puts your feet on solid ground. The God in you opens
doors when they should be shut! The God in you gives you peace in the mist
of the storm. The God in you won't let you down, He'll build you up! The
God in you never fails. You are different, because of the God in you. The
God in you hides you in His arms. The God in you quiets the raging storm.
The God in you is a strong tower. The God in you helps to light up your
path. The God in you will keep you until the day of completion. The God in
you sees you for you are and still loves you. He is amazing. You are
blessed!

The final stretch...

Summer is coming to a close in these parts. The kids,well at least Mattthew and Caroline and Mommy:), start school in a little under three weeks. Before we begin the new routine/insanity that will be our Fall, we're heading to Pittsburgh. Why Pittsburgh you may be asking yourself?
Well, the thing is both of my parents were born and raised in Pittsburgh. They were high school sweethearts! My mom's sister and my dad's brother still live there. I have four cousins that still live there and my cousin who lives in New Jersey will be coming in next weekend for my cousin's son's birthday..are you still following me? Anywhoo..I have been wanting to go there for a long time. Six years to be exact because the last time I was there was when my paternal grandmother died. It's been far too long and I my family to know THEIR family.
We're (Matthew,Caroline and I) are heading out early Friday morning. I am sure the ride will be nostalgic for me as I made the trek there when I was a girl every summer. I have wonderful memories of visiting grandparents and cousin and of FLUFFED ham and WISE potato chips!! Seriously, that stuff is like crack to me. I hope to hook up with all of the cousins from both sides of my family while I am there. I am praying that Matthew and Caroline don't drive me insane in the car. They aren't the best travelers. I am expecting lots of fun and memory making on this final trip we're about to embark on. I know Ellie and Daddy will have lots of fun hanging back here in Michigan. Maybe next time they can join us.
Hope your last minute summer plans go just as you plan!!

Know God

Today I went to a funeral for a women I have never met. I know her mom and dad through church. Her dad is one of the most giving, caring, live for CHRIST and have that contagious desire to get to know Him better vibe going. So, even though I didn't know Peggy, I know Mike and his wife and their other kids so I went to show that I care. It was a wonderful celebration of a life that yes was haunted with some addiction demons, but one that ultimately knew the greatest truth of all..The Christ died for her sins. Many family members got up to speak about her and all of the fun and laughter she brought to their lives. Our pastor spoke about how Romans speaks about once we know God nothing can ever separate us from the love and grace of God. He also spoke about how it was a struggle for Peggy to surrender her pain and struggles to God even though she believed in Him.
The most profound sentence of the morning came right at the beginning of service from Mike himself. It was a simple sentence.."KNOW GOD!" He said, with such urgency, that this is really what it all comes down to. If we KNOW God, the rest is so much easier. If we KNOW God, that means we're SEEKING Him more, wanting for others to KNOW him too. If we KNOW Him it does become easier for the Holy Spirit to permeate all the pores of our lives that need the refashioning and molding.
I left the funeral feeling like I knew Peggy and many of the wonderful gifts she blessed those who knew and loved her with. I also left feeling convicted to continue on my own quest to KNOW God and to be intentional about making sure others want to KNOW too!

The dog days

The dog days of summer are certainly in full force here in Michigan. It always surprises me how different Summer can be in this Great Lake state of ours. I have many memories of cool,almost downright chilly summers here and then there are Summers like the one we're currently enduring which is down right hot! I am not a huge fan of super hot, super humid weather. In fact I would take a 20 degree, snowy day over it in a heartbeat. Take for example today. I decided to be the "good" mommy and haul all three kids over to a local park for an animal show. It is about 95 degrees and horridly humid here today. I decided to take Ellie with us and all the could go wrong, did. There was miscommunication between the library and the presenter. This caused about a thirty minute delay in the performance. The guy also thought he'd be inside which is better for his animals so half of his animals barely came out of their cages. Did I also mention that due to the large crowd that came out to see this man, they moved us all in the blaring hot sun?! We ended up leaving early because we were all puddling and the presentation kind of lost us without any animals!
I realized in this moment of frustration and irritation how blessed I am. Sure it was an annoying couple of hours but at the end of the day it was pretty funny how stinking hot we all were. Plus the slushies and diet cokes we were rewarded with from Sonic soon made our heat exhaustion a distant memory. I am thankful for the mundane. For being blessed to be irritated by truly trivial occurrences. Thankful for three beautiful children who yes, whined and cried so much today that I thought I might be committed for a few hours. But who also belt out, "My God is so Great!" with such enthusiasm that you can hardly stand it. I have a little boy who loves to learn about the tiny details of everything and has a giant heart for others. Last, but certainly not least, a little girl who is nearly two who walks around with her blond, yes, blond mop of hair and shakes her head feverently and says..."No!!" but also gives the best.hug.ever!
As I have begun my MSW progrm this summer, I have been re-introduced to the world that makes up social services. One word..DEPRESSING. It already has made me cherish the normalcy that is my life. This week I have read several things that have giving me glaring perspective. One of which was a post from Shelly Buck on her blog about the 6th anniversary of the death of her daughter, Ava. It was eloquent and heart wrenching to read but it spoke such truth to me about how lucky I am. How lucky we all are really to love and serve a God who serves us and our every need. In every circumstance my God is there. He meets us whether we're literally in the depths of despair. grieving so deeply we're not sure that we can go on for one more day. But also for those of us who outwardly have it all together but inside feel like sometimes we can't go on for one more day. Don't freak out..I am not saying that I literally feel like that. Sometimes the daily grind just literally starts to GRIND on you is all I am saying. The past few weeks I have made a concerted effort to have daily, early morning quiet times with God. It has made all the difference. I feel like when I do that I literally can feel God within me. I can go to Him and lean on Him much more readily than when I skip it or choose some other activity instead. I am feeling very convicted about several "time suckage" issues I have. I am praying that God would clearly reveal to me those areas in which I need to consider giving up. I am sorry to say there are several things in my life that certainly aren't edifying to me or doing anything to help me grow closer to God.
So..I started talking about my hot, crappy day and ended up talking about God. Well..where the Spirit leads...

Blessings and Deals

This week my family has been incredibly blessed by a friend of ours from our church. I have known Nicole and her husband,Kevin for five years now. Through our friendship I became aware that Nicole had a business called, ACE OF SPACES. The following is taken directly from her ACE of SPACES website,"When simplicity intersects a woman's life it should effect her home, her beauty, and her fashion. As we shrug of the "before" and live out the "after" we liberate those around us to do the same. A congruent woman can boldly reflect this simplicity to a very cluttered world and share it intimately with those she brings near."
This past week together with Kevin and Nicole we worked to transition our home from one that to me represented chaos,anxiety and was severely underutilized. But before we get to the process of transitioning our home I want to explain how this all came to be.

When I knew that I would be starting the full time MSW program this fall I decided that something had to be done with our office space. It wasn't functional at all. Worse than that, I hated being in our basement. Toys were everywhere, the unfinished side was seriously beginning to look like something out of "Hoarders". Boxes were everywhere. Nothing had a home. There were countless times that we couldn't find things we needed like for instance, the hardware to Ellie's crib! There were so many nights when I would lay in bed stressing about how overwhelming it was to tackle it all!! So I told Jeff that I wanted to hire Nicole to transform our office and basement playroom. She came over and we talked about what I wanted for the space. Then Nicole suggested that we look at the upstairs too. She had great ideas for that space as well. We hatched a plan to tackle it all. I think, and I have disclosed this to Nicole, that she was itching to get her hands on my house because she had a vision of what it could be:) I was so excited, until later that night, when fear crept in and the "What ifs" What if I didn't like it? What if was going to cost too much to buy the things needed to make the transition? What if I couldn't get it all done? I called Nicole the next morning and told her I thought we should just tackle the basement space and maybe do the rest of the upstairs later. She said ok but I will admit I felt like it wasn't the right decision. I was praying about the experience and very much felt like God was saying,
" Do the whole house." Well, apparently He was because the next day I got an email from Nicole basically telling me that is what she was feeling led to do. We decided to go ahead and tackle the entire basement and our first floor.
The process...
Nicole came over and we began the session praying that God would bless our partnership and this entire process, that He would be a part of it all. BOY WAS HE! I have so many stories about the moments that we could see God working in this. The timing was one thing. We had our regular trip to Silver Lake with Jeff's family already planned. But with the summer class I am taking, I wasn't able to go all week which left the perfect opening for time with just Ellie to care for. An added blessing was that my mom was able to come for most of the week to help take care of her while we worked. We also found the most perfect roll top desk in great shape for a mire $60.
Nicole and her sweet daughter Havilah came over the week before we left and took all the wallpaper off the wall in our old dining room. I will admit that the week before the work was to begin I was stressed. My house seemed to be at it's messiest. There was crap literally everywhere. To make matters worse,I was trying to pack Jeff and the big kids to go to Silver Lake for the week so it doubled the messiness. Finally the day of work arrived. Kevin came at 2p.m. and we were still trying to load our cars. He began to paint and just oozed of peacefulness. It was calming to watch him work. We finally were on our way and left the Aces to their Spaces! I can't even begin express the shock and awe I felt when I received photos send via cell phone only 8 hours later! In that little amount of time they had painted and moved ALL OF THE FURNITURE in my house and put all the crap and clutter in the garage. I immediately loved the results but had no idea how much I truly would embrace it all once I arrived home.
I ended up coming home early because Ellie came down with pneumonia(which is an entirely other post!) and so the work of sorting began on Tuesday morning. It was a long process, even though it only took four days! We're talking about going through your stuff, all day long. Hauling crap to the garage, making decisions, etc. But,it was by far the most worthwhile four days of hard work I have ever endured. I realized and I know this sounds kind of silly,that my house is my home. Up until this week, I truly felt like it was just a house. It kept us dry, it costs us money, its where we lay our weary heads each night but real memory making, peacefulness and happy times were sadly few and far between here. This place stressed me out!! I always had chores looming and it never seemed like there was ever going to be enough time or will from either Jeff or me to accomplish all that lay before us.
I truly believe that God used Nicole to show me that even when I don't hold up my end of the bargain in regards to being in relationship with Him,HE ALWAYS DOES. He heard my cries (some figurative and some literal!) to have a more peaceful life. He does know that most days I feel like I am barely going to make it. He chose to bless me even though I fall horridly short nearly every single time. How is that for a big ol' GRACE pie in the face?! Several times over the last month I have been brought to tears over what Nicole and Kevin have blessed me with. I really feel like I have been given a new lease on how to do this thing called mothering and daughtering and wifering:) Ha! I know these aren't words but you get the gist. I feel like a new women. I have so many emotional burdens lifted through this physical transformation that has taken place.
Finally, I leave you with some wisdom gained from a fellow MSW classmate of mine. We had to participate in several mock counseling sessions this week. During one of mine, I disclosed to my "counselor" that I felt uncomfortable with so many blessings being showered upon me. Like I wrote earlier, I didn't feel worthy. My classmate said simply, "Why are you trying to turn a blessing into a deal." "It sounds like God has put this women in your life to bless you. Be careful not to turn a blessing from God into a deal."
Amen,brother,amen...

God is with us...

Disclaimer: I started this post yesterday but finished it today!
Today in west Michigan all holy hell broke loose around 10:45a.m. I had just finished working out at the gym. My kids and Jaime's two were there too. When we were leaving, and on our way to Hardings when Matthew asked if Avery,Jaime's 8 year old, could come along. I agreed and off we went. Not five minutes into our shopping extravaganza/donut finding expedition the rain started and the wind. Soon after came horrid crashes, bright bolts of lightening. Following that came power lines falling,trees being uprooted, transformers blowing up. Of course we didn't know all heck was breaking loose around us. We all sat quietly in the back break room of our neighborhood Hardings. The kids munching cheap cookies and coloring and me freaking out b/c I couldn't get through to Jaime on the cell phone I borrowed from a fellow storm shelter seeker. I knew that she would be worried that Avery was freaking out b/c well, she tends to do so in these types of situations. The thing is, she was cool as a cucumber. Not one worried look,no questions about if she was in danger. She was downright peaceful. Someone asked the kids, "Are you guys scared." Avery looked up from her picture and said, "No,why would we be scared? God is with us?" I saw several of the adults look at her with thoughtful smiles. I nearly cried. I have known this little gal for four years and that message sums it all up. She has learned through her trials with having a brother with half a heart and all that entails That really at the end of the day, on the stormiest of days,that God is ALWAYS with US! The peace she had in that cramped,stuffy room in the back of Hardings could only come from God. I was so proud to know such a sweet and faithful girl and could hardly wait to get back home and tell her mom what a wonderful example she had been. How brave she was!! Two days later and I am still choking up about it!!
We made it home and on the way we saw all the damage that occured in our neighborhood. I was glad that we made it home safetly. That God was indeed with us and shone through His precious child in the stuffy break room of a grocery store!

Other people's lives..

This week I have been thinking a lot about just that, other people's lives. I am sure there is a better way of saying what I am thinking but I am at a loss for what it is. The reason I have been thinking about it all has to do with a lovely girl with whom I bank with. We have been banking at our bank for over six years. We set up accounts there when we moved to Portage because that is where our mortgage is. At first this bank irritated the crap out of me because you have to GO IN to make a deposit, get cash, etc. For an inherently lazy person such as myself this was a pain. I much prefer the drive up and stick your stuff in the sucky up thingy(yes, that is the technical term):) In the midst of my several trips in and out I have become quite attached to the one banker that handles most of my transactions. We were both pregnant at the same time, me with Ellie and L with her first. Oh yeah,I am calling her L for privacy sake. I feel like we're friends but really its more of a business acquaintance relationship. A few months ago I found out that her husband who is only in his early 30's has ALS( Lou Gehrig's disease). A devastating neurological condition in which you slowly lose all of your capabilities and end up dying. I am sure you have all heard of it but if not, google it. But I forewarn you that its a devastating diagnosis at any age. Add in a young wife and one year old( which is how old their daughter was at the time) and you have perhaps one of the saddest set of circumstances possible.
When I found out about it I was unsure of how to act. Should I tell her that I knew. Should I apologize for all the stupid things I KNOW I have said over the last year like, "So when are you going to have another kid?!" Should I simply say nothing. The first few times I saw her I didn't say anything. I know from being close with Jaime that sometimes its nice to not be the one that everyone is looking at with pity. Maybe she would prefer our conversations to remain carefree and mundane not deep and filled with the horrific realities of her life. Then a part of me felt bad ignoring it because I knew from other circles in which our lives were entwined that she would realize that I did know after all, that I would say something. So the other day I said that I did indeed know about the ALS and that I was sorry. We joked about the fact that I have offered her help in the past with daycare situations and how that is when I didn't even know that she might really need it so I must have really meant it when I offered:)! She shared that its when her husband has fallen down the stairs and her daughter is crying that she really wants to call all of the well meaning people and be like, " Yeah, you..get over her, this sucks!"
When I left there I cried like I haven't in months. Literally sobbed in the parking lot of the bank. My heart broke for this dear family. Later I came home and happen to click on a blog of another acquaintance of mine whose son has several medical issues. I was shocked to read of several severe issues he had endured over the last month. When I went to check my email I saw an update from Kate Mcrae's family about the last two years they have spent battling the beastly brain tumor that has attempted to ravage and steal their daughter from them.
But then I see our dear, sweet Sammy boy next door. Who successfully came through his third surgery. I know that he doesn't have to see his cardiologist for two whole months(the longest he's ever gone) because he is doing so well. I know through all these situations that GOD is THERE. He is the great sustainer. His GRACE sees us through it all and is SUFFICENT for EVERY NEED.
It just seems so surreal to me that there can be so much suffering and we don't even glimpse any of it. We get comfortable in our own little bubbles and worlds and troubles and sometimes we just want to stay there because knowing of all the hurt and sorrow can be too much to handle if we don't really have to.
I hope my heart never gets there. I want to be able to always pray, offer help, make a meal,hell..even tell a joke and give that person in need one minute of reprieve from the harsh realities they face each day.
As I re-read this I am not sure what motivated me to write this. Maybe its because the emotions that I felt after leaving the bank were so raw and profound. Maybe its because I feel guilty for having such a blessed life. Maybe I just felt like typing.
This weekend is Fourth of July. I pray that we're all able to enjoy our families, our freedoms, whether that be having the ability to live freely or have a body that allows us to run and play with our kids in any manner we choose. To stay safe and just cherish each other.

Goodbye Summer

So I thought I was starting class in September. Turns out its really going to be June 30th...crap! Long story short, I had to drop a class from my Fall schedule in order to accomodate my internship schedule.I am super excited about my internship. I will be working at Borgess Hospital on the neuro rehab floor. But the class I had to drop is a prerequisite for other classes so I need to take it now. I am a little bummed about this since I thought I had a few more months to wrap my head around this whole grad school idea but I am excited to get started. The class is titled, "Social Work for families, individuals and groups." I bought the book for the class on Friday and have been looking through it, very interesting stuff. Jeff thinks I am crazy! Another good thing is the class is on Tuesday and Thursday nights so I don't have to figure out childcare for the kiddos!
In other Simpson news, Summer is in full swing for the kids. They had one week of swimming lessons so far. This week they all go to their respective "places" while Jeff and I head to Vermont for a friend's wedding. They are all excited and SO.ARE.WE! I can't wait to see what Vermont is like and to get away with my honey bunny for a few days of kid free fun. When we return my class will start and we have other trips planned. In July we're meeting my famly including my brother and his family from Alabama that we never see, at a waterpark in Wisconsin. We're also making our annual trek up to Silver Lake for our vacation with Jeff's family. Because of my class, Ellie and I will only be going for a few days. I am hoping to take advantage of the other days to get my house ready for the craziness that Fall will bring.
Matthew has been sick with pneumonia all week. Even with being treated with antibiodics, he is still running a low grade fever. We need to get this cleared upo before we all leave on Wednesday!
Hope everyone out there is enjoying Summer!

Summer time training...

So I have decided to run a 5K. What's that you say? You have heard this before from me?! I know, I know. I will admit that I have stated, in the past,that I was going to do it. But before you call me a BIG, FAT, LIAR..hear me out. The last time I tried to train was about six months after Ellie was born. I hadn't been working out at all and just started running. NO surprise there that it didn't go as swimmingly, or should I say runningly as I had hoped. Fast forward eighteen months. This past December I decided that enough was enough with this whole working out business. I committed to joining a gym and getting my bootie there. I am happy to report that I have actually stuck something out. A huge feat for me:) I have regularly attended my gym since December. I have only lost about ten pounds but I feel pretty strong right now. All of these factors lead me to the decision to train for The Crim race that takes place on August 27th in Flint. I am planning on running it with my friend, Liz. Although I should probably firm that up with her. I think she thinks we were just considering it. I started this week and I didn't hate it. But I wouldn't say I loved it either.
My goal this summer is to train for it and accomplished my long standing goal of completing a 5K. I also hope while training to get stronger and leaner. I have decided to also stop drinking soda of any kind. Lets face it..its horrible for you. Plus, truth be told I prefer the real stuff to diet, making it all that more terrible and calorie filled.
I am hoping with this schedule of running along with my regular classes I take at the gym, that come Fall I am one smoking, hot Grad Student:) That may be asking for a little too much. I guess I will take an even healthier, less jiggly 36 year old wife and mother of three who also goes to grad school!