So I don't forget...

Caroline and Matthew have really changed alot this summer. Matthew has definetly emerged from a toddler to a full blown preschooler. He sometimes can be mouthy, which I don't like but he also has really profound insights into life, well beyond his four years and he is really a very sweet little boy. The other day one of the neighbor kids told him that their dad didn't like him. I know this little girl just said it to get a rise out of Matthew,although I will admit when he told me I wanted to march down the street and throw her into a wall and scream, "Don't you ever say that to him again!!" GRRR...don't mess with this mama bear:) Anyways, I was reassuring Matthew that D's dad wouldn't ever say that. He looked at me with his big soulful blue eyes and said, " Ok mama, but next time you see him could you just say, Matthew Simpson is a very nice little boy." I almost cried. That has been a hard lesson to learn for both Matthew and me..the world of pettiness and sometimes people not being nice for no reason at all. You want to protect your kids from that for as long as possible but apparently four is the threshold! He has had an amazing summer just running around with the kids around her. Playing like a little boy should in the summer. He had fun at camp grandma and at Silver Lake with Jeff's side of the family. We have a various day trips to pools and lakes and our little fishy has enjoyed every minute of it! He especially enjoyed his first tubing experience. He is so brave...I love it! I hate a wimpy kid!! He is gearing up for his second year of preschool. I think he may be shaping up to have the same school ethic as his mommy...which is NOT a good thing! He dosen't care much for working on writing his name, letters, etc. I am hoping he has the smarts of his daddy and that he can accomplish alot with not much effort. The other day I was working on his name with him when again he flashed me his big blues and said, " I think I will just work on this in the fall...Mrs. Bronsink can teach me instead of you." :) He played tennis for six weeks and enjoyed it. Swimming lessons were a disaster but you would never know it when you see him swim...he is great! He starts soccer in two weeks and we're planning on signing him up for ice skating so he can play hockey!!
Now on to our almost three year old! It has been an amazing season of growth for our little girl. Her language skills finally seem to be catching up. I would say she is still behind but definetly making progress. Not so much the case with potty training..nowhere near trained. Socially she is becoming more mature and likes to hang out with her brother and the other older kids outside. There is less chasing going on but she still loves to take all of her riding cars out and push them into the street, all the while looking at me like, " Yah, whatcha going to do about it pregnant lady?" She definetly can be all attitude and has my temper...don't make her mad...she will take it directly to heart. She is still a great sleeper...I thought she had given up naps but it was just a bad week. She naps 2 hours a day and sleeps 12 hours a night...hopefully this continues when the baby arrives. She loves to color and do crafts and is absolutely brilliant when it comes to puzzles. She loves to climb and is really agile for her age. Some of the cute things she says is, "No Maffew..don't do that!" " Oh my goodness and " I loves you mommy." She has become more of buddy for me this summer and I feel like I am enjoying her more and more.
When it comes to the new baby...and her upcoming arrival..Matthew is thrilled. He will be a great big brother. Caroline...well, lets just say the jury is still out on her. She definetly is aware that there is a baby in mommy's swollen belly and sometimes she will come up and kiss me on the belly and say, " AHhhh, baby" and other times she wacks me there and says, " No baby!!" I am sure there will be a period of adjustment for all of us...but I am sure soon everyone won't be able to remember a time we didn't have whatshername:))) No, we still haven't committed but that makes it more exciting this time.
Well, I think that catches me and you up on what my kids have been up to!

Real

Last night after talking to Jaime I was so overcome with sadness I could barely talk or even think about anything else. Jeff and I took the kids for icecream and I just wanted to cry the whole time. The unfairness of the whole situation with Sam was just really getting to me. I woke up several times last night(which is pretty usual for me these days) and just poured my heart out to God in pleading prayers for their whole family. I have said before here that I have never been close with someone going through something like this. Usually its only through others or blogs where you can choose to not check or put it out of your mind easier. But, the Ekkens are our good friends and neighbors. Our kids play together sometimes eight hours a day. I know when they are home, I know when something is up, etc. Like tonight, Jaime noticed Sam's pulse rapidily in his fontanel (soft spot). She hadn't noticed it before and wondered if I had remembered seeing it on my kids when they were little. I went over and it seemed ok to me but we decided why not call and ask and error on the side of caution. As I waited with her to see if she needed to take him in, we just talked about all of these new events and of faith and she even talked a little about her fears of the worst case and what that would mean for her long term. When there is so many times that I feel like I am so helpless in this situation to be unable to fix it, tonight it felt good to just let her talk things out with me. To just let her talk and be heard. She is so real and her heart is so full of love for Christ. She doesn't doubt her love for her or Sam, she just hates having to be in this situation...wouldn't we all.
I know that whatever God's will is for Sam, that Jaime and Steve and Makenna and Avery will be ok. I just don't want them to have that kind of heartache and when your anticipating that it might happen, you just feel so hopeless. But, as I said to her tonight, there are lots of examples of people whose lives continue on and they have HAPPY lives, despite surviving tremendous heartache. As Jaime stated in her caring bridge, she has been thinking alot about the lyrics to "Blessed be the name of the Lord" those lyrics ring so true in circumstances like Sams. He does give and take away, but if your heart chooses to say, Blessed be the name of the Lord you will be ok. He will not forsake you and better yet His peace will carry you through and you have the hope of living eternally with precious loved ones lost.
Not really sure why I am writing any of this...just on my heart.

Sam

Today Jaime took Sam to the ped cardiologist for a regular exam...it did not go well, in fact, it couldn't have gone worse. Apparently, he has developed a narrowing in his aorta which is causing his blood pressures to be too high. They need to take him to Ann Arbor next Wednesday to have a heart cath the hopefully ballon it open, to regulate his pressures, so he can have his second surgery which is already scheduled for the 14th of September.If he doesn't get the surgery, his long term prognosis is obviously very grave indeed. Jaime is obviously devasted. She loves her little boy so much and so hopes for God to heal Him. She knows that is still possible but the realities of the medical conditions Sam faces can't be ignored in times like today.
I found myself again without any words. She knew there was nothing I could say, we just hugged and I offered any help with the girls,etc. I have been pleading with God and will continue to do so. To heal this little boy, for the best possible outcome and a long life here on Earth for little Sam.
Please continue to lift this family up!
S

The sweetest baby

Today I got to watch little Sam for almost two hours...what a joy! He is such an easy going baby and so smiley! It was also a good "practice" round for our upcoming arrival. Matthew and Caroline loved having him here..but had to be reminded several times to not touch and that they couldn't hold him, etc. They just wanted to help but obviously we're all very germaphobics when it comes to him! We can't have him getting sick. I fed him his bottle and he fell asleep in my arms and I nearly was in tears holding him. Praying that this surgery that will happen in nearly three weeks will be immeasurably more successful than we can ever even hope for. That the surgeons would be able to just knit together a way for him to not struggle too much. Thinking of him with a breathing tube and chest tube again was so icky! I can't imagine being Jaime.
In other news, there isn't much. We're kind of in a holding pattern here, waiting for our little bundle to arrive. We're as ready as we're ever going to be. Its amazing how little you really need to be to bring home a baby. When you have your first you think you need so much and everything has to be washed and all set for the baby..by the third your way less concerned!
Caroline is attacking Matthew with a hockey stick...better go!

On the edge.......

I really feel lately as if I am losing my freakin mind! Today was not the best of days in the Simpson household. We had a very busy weekend and you all know from previous posts, that I am plain worn out these days..so overbooking myself and my family doesn't really seem to make much sense does it? We had to go to church today b/c our Pastor is leaving after 18 years and of course we wanted to go there to see him off. What I DID not want to do however, if go to the PIG roast in 95 degree heat. I told Jeff we should have just skipped that since and no offense to any fellow church readers out there, but they are just plain irritating if you have small children and you add to that heat and being 35 weeks pregnant and you just about want to shoot yourself:) We then brought our nephew Derek back here to play with Matthew which was actually the best idea we had all day. Then, later in the evening Caroline decides to draw with crayon all over out living room carpet! I kinda of lost my temper with more than a few family members and ended up in tears on the living room floor, RESOLVE in one hand and tissues in the other. Its just that I already feel so overwhelmed that I truly can't imagine an infant in this crazy world of ours..actually I can imagine it..that is what is scaring the crap out of me. Plus,I know that for lack of time,etc that I won't be able to feed the spiritual needs of me as much either!! HELP!!!

Seriously Sue!

After thinking about my post about the Facebook issue and talking to my favorite sounding board and advice giver (Jeff) I am officially apologizing for questionining said "defriender"'s Christianity. The anon commenter is right, I have no right or way of knowing how "Christian" someone is and to make a sweeping generalization like that is not at all what Christ would have us do. So, I apologize. I guess there is a chance that this person never deleted me, I will never know. But, me being passive aggressive back certainly says nothing about my Christianity.
Today, as I was stewing about all of this, I got a call from Jaime who was very emotional about Sam's second surgery being scheduled. As I sat there and listened I thought to myself, "Seriously Sue...people are dealing with REAL issues, REAL heartaches, and your stewing over Facebook friends"...Grow up!
I love a good self pep talk!:)

So, again...sorry if anyone is offended...my mom was and is right, If you don't have anything nice to blog about...don't blog at all:)

Seriously people

I just realized that a person deleted me from their "friends" on Facebook. Is this the newest form of social rejection? Now, I have to say, that I pretty much think this person represents everything that is wrong with Christianity today. So, I am not surprised nor do I care since I really am not friends with them anyways, but seriously...deleting each other on FB?
To that end, I am seriously thinking about making my blog private. I am tired of not knowing who reads it and really don't want people I don't particularly care for having access to it anymore.
I will have to consider it some more and let you know...until then...

34 weeks and I want this baby out!

Never in my past two pregnancies did I ever want to have a baby more!! I am officially uncomfortable, sick of peeing every ten minutes, want to be done! I had a dream last night about our little darling and wonder if her looks will match the dream. She was just a petite little thing in my dream with a danity little look about her. Time will tell...officially I have five weeks and four days and yes, I am counting.
I think the kids are ready, heck what am I saying, what almost three and 4 year old are ready for a new infant to come into their little worlds!? I am ready to just get on with it and have our world's turned upside down! Really, I am ready to hold this little piece of heaven, to smell that newborn smell again, to nurse a teeny tiny one again and to try to not get bogged down in all the chaos but to just cherish her and our time together b/c it is so, so fleeting.
Baby Sam will probably have his second surgery around the same time as she makes her debut. I am praying that is goes smoothly and that he is back at home and meeting his new buddy as soon as possible. Things have gotten pretty normal again around here with us and when Jaime told me about his second surgery being sooner than later, I have to admit that I found myself taken aback. When you see Sam, he seems so normal. You do forget that this little guy only is working with half a heart. I know he is in the best possible hands imaginable and the God has him in the palm of his hand. I just pray that Jaime and Steve and the girls would sense that and all would go as good as it could and that they are able to resume their new normal again here in Portage!

Its a job

That is my new outlook on parenting. Before I had kids, I thought of parenting as easy, breezy because, quite frankly, that is how most of my nannying gigs were. When I wasn't the parent, kids pretty much always listened, I was creative all the time because I was being paid to be, I was patient most of the time b/c I knew come six o clock I was outta there and it was there parents job to pick up the slack.
Now, its me (and Jeff) 24-7! And b/c I have chosen to stay home, its pretty much me a majority of the time. The other day,I was having a rather rough day and had enough of little boys not listening and little girls whiny incessently and I was screaming at the kids and thought.." What the heck is going on here?" "Is this really what I want my kids to remember about growing up? A super stressed out, screaming, over reactive mommy? Of course not?! But, at the same time, its soooooooo very draining and not at all what I thought it would look like that it gets really depressing! Add to that thought a newborn and I might just be committed...SERIOUSLY! So, I have decided to look at it more like a job. To plan, to speak to my kids, especially when they are at their worst with love and patience because after all I would expect that of someone being paid to watch them! I have been trying to do things they would like to do, even when I don't feel like it because I owe that much to them. I have been given two precious gifts and many days I feel like I don't look at it like that at all. We will see how this all pans out once baby girl arrives and all hell breaks loose!:)
Speaking of her, she will come on Sept 17th now if all goes as planned. We still aren't firm on her name but have narrowed it down. We have pieced together all our "hand me down" items from various friends, garage sales and second hand shops. All I really have to do is wash the clothes and things she will need during those first weeks. I will admit I am SUPER excited to meet this little girl. Every night when I am falling asleep I think about the c sec and that moment when I will see her.
This weekend we're going out to dinner with friends tonight and tomorrow we're going to Grand Rapids for a party at our friends house. We're spending the night! Probably our last night away before we're parents of three! Have a good weekend!
S

Believing God

I was praying this morning and among the many prayers were specific prayers for baby Sam and little Kate who is suffering with a brain tumor. I found myself praying for the specific needs that their individual parents have posted/asked for and then I started drifting off to "Susanland" This is where I start to question and doubt the power of my prayers. I so often feel like God has made up His mind about the various things that are happening in people's lives so what is the point in me praying for what I want or what other people are begging me to pray for? I know that is not something I should be admitting but its how I feel. I so often feel at ease when I am praying that God would help these people through the situation but not for once believing he could change it. That saddens me. I mean where is my faith in that? I know when I think like this Satan is so happy. I can just see that nasty bastard down in hell thinking, "Aha!! There is that trusty Susan Simpson doubting God and his abilities! Just what I wanted!" :(
The fact is that I know God can heal anyone he chooses to, its just seems in this imperfect world that you hear about those people who aren't. I never doubt the REALNESS and palbability of God in people's lives during times of trial..even in the seemingly small things. For example, Sam has been having issues with blood in his stool when he is exclusively fed breastmilk..it seems that his little body doesn't react well to dairy. So, they have had to put him on Nutramigen, which is a horribly expensive formula. Jaime told me a neat story about how they had run of it and were talking about how much it sucks to pay fifty bucks a week for formula when they were headed to a party. When they got there a friend of theirs who reads their caringpage had bought them two cans b/c he knew it was really expensive..nice guy, ok, sure but more than that..GOD..in the smallest of details. When I look at and hold little Sam and see his precious, precious smile..I WHOLE HEARTEDLY believe that his second surgery will go well and that God has a great, long life planned for him. Why can't I translate that into my prayers?
Do any of you struggle with this...if so any tips?

September 18th

Is when the new little bundle of joy will appear in our lives. I went to the doctor today and was surprised at this date. For Matthew I was induced and after a horrific experience which included the doctor and midwife basically standing on me and throwing out "F" bombs...Matthew was born via c sec. Apparently, actually, I should say, IRONICALLY..I have a small pelvis. Go figure! The one thing on me that I needed to be large..is small. Anyways, I went for a repeat c sec with Caroline and for being awake whilst being cut open goes,it was a very pleasent experience. But, I had her a 39 weeks. So I went in there today all expecting the 10th or 11th to be her birthday. I have switched doctors and this man, an incredibly nice Indian doctor says he doesn't like to do c secs until closer to 40 weeks for risks of respitory issues. The chance is small that something would be wrong but he doesn't see the point in taking the chance. I can't really either..especially after seeing little Sam the Man on a vent a few months back...NO THANK YOU! So, I must endure pregnancy for an additional week. Of course mother nature and baby S may have an idea all there own. I know plenty of people who have had planned c secs and their babies come all on their own.
Have you noticed I am not constantly calling the baby Emma? Yes, indecision had crept its way back into my naming abilities. I don't know why I struggle so much with naming girls. I still think it will end up being Emma but kinda of want to see her and see what happens. I have thought of some new names to. Jeff isn't a fan of some of them so we will see what I can accomplish between now and September 18th.
Matthew started swimming lessons this week and loves it! Next week tennis starts for six weeks, which he is super excited for. He has been driving mommy really nuts lately so I am trying to stay sane but man that kid can drive me CRAZY!
I finally started reading my Bible again. After reading one of Jaime's caring bridge posts, I have started reading JOHN. We're even going to start doing a Bible study together once a week together. Can I say again how blessed I am to have her in my life and especially as my neighbor!!!

Summertime...and the livins easy...

Today is the last day of our vacation here at Silver Lake. Its been a pretty good week. A little cooler than one would expect for the second week of July, but we've had fun swimming, going on Uncle Brian's boat, visiting a petting farm and just being with family. We've had our entire family in one room, Jeff and I (and Emma)in a king sized bed, Caroline in the pack/play that she has officially grown out of and Matthew in a twin bed. This combo makes for early mornings and Jeff and I commented that vacations certainly aren't what they used to be. I was remembering our honeymoon yesterday at the pool. Floating on the lazy river, holding hands, parousing up to the bar, that was in the pool for a pina colada. We've exchanged that for sippy cups and swim floats and noodles. Instead of sleeping till 11, we're up at the crack of dawn to little voices pleading for "Juice,cereal,waffles!"
Last year seemed to be very stressful with me dragging Matthew into the car and leaving early b/c I couldn't take one more minute of misbeahvior anymore. This year hasn't been without misbehavior and not without mommy freaking out but I like to think there has been more enjoyable and peaceful moments. Moments that the kids will start to keep locked inside their precious little minds and memories of week's spent at the cottage. The thought of having another bundle here next summer is a bit overwhelming, but hey, I have a year to adjust right!!
Next week we're back to our boring lives back in Portage and our normal routines. Matthew has swimming lessons and the weather is suppose to be nice, so we will no doubt spend lots of time hanging out with our neighborhood friends.
With only nine weeks to go,I am defintely starting to "feel" the ramifications of being pregnant. I tire pretty easily and just feel pregnant. Although I still, 30 weeks later can't believe I am. I wonder if when I get to see little E for the first time if it will all suddenly click!?

Family

We're here in Silver Lake, on vacation with Jeff's family for the week. We've only been here for a day, but so far its been very fun and enjoyable time. Matthew and Caroline are at such a fun age to bring on vacation. At 4 and nearly 3, they are a lot less high maintenance this year. Matthew, who is quite the little fish,loves the water and is really able to be in the water without alot of help. Caroline, needs a little more help, but with her cute little voice pleading for "Huggies, huggies!" from every family member who happens to be near her in the water, she is one cute waterbug! The cottage Jeff's mom rented this year is much more condusive to small kids, with a nice sized lawn and sandy area. Last night we took Matthew to the fireworks, where he was adorable. He asked if the fish in Silver Lake could see the fireworks too and when I said probably he responded by saying, " I bet they are saying, (making a fish noise with his mouth) Wow...these fireworks are beautiful." It was one of those moments that you forget all the naughty times and just hug them a little tighter. I have been following and praying for the Buck's friend's little girl,Kate, who was found to have a brain tumor this week. When you hear about stories like this, it reminds you to hug your little ones a little tighter.
I am planning on continuing to enjoy the week,enjoy my family and especially my little boy and girl!! Have a great week!!!

11 weeks

I can hardly believe that I only have about 11 weeks left to go in this my FINAL pregnancy. I remember when I was pregnant with Caroline, about this time in it I thought the same thing but didn't truly feel like our family was complete. Boy, was I right:) Little Emma moves a ton which is nice but she is much more ailen like with her movements then Caroline was. Matthew barely moved at all! Sometimes I wish I had a window into my womb to see what the heck is going on in there!
I am growing very tired of how rude people can be about commenting on my pregnant girth. I don't know if its b/c I am thinner this time than with the other kids, but man, have I heard it all. Last Sunday at church, women, who I believe was a guest b/c I didn't recognize her said, "Due anyday huh?" I smiled politely and said, "Well, not really, actually I am due in Sept" She looked at me, with huge eyes and said, "OH MY GOD!!! NO WAY" " I just can't believe it, are you having twins?" I just looked at her with a disgusted look I am sure and said, " Well believe it and no, its just one" I do feel like lately the girth has gotten pretty substantial. I am always hungry too. But, I am still at less than ten pounds gained so I am ok with that.
I started this post three days ago! I am having trouble finding my way to the computer these days. At night, I seem to park it in front of the t.v and remain there, dozing in and out of sleep until I end up dragging my pregnant but upstairs to bed! This weekend is birthday weekend for us. We have our niece Allison's 15th birthday celebration tonight and our friend's from church's little boy's first bday tomorrow after church. Next week is busy with doctor, chiropractor and massage for me, birthday party for Matthew and my mom and brother are coming up on Thursday. My brother recently lost his job, and relocated back to Chicago with his family (wife, and two daughters ages 4 and 1) He is VERY handy but has always been way out of state, most recently in EDMONTON, CANADA! So, I am taking advantage of his vast home repair Bob Vila self and having him do all the stuff Jeff NEVER does! All of this and we're leaving of our week vacation to Silver Lake on the Fourth! Busy, busy, just the way I like it!
S

What to say?

Jaime and Steve brought little Sam home almost two weeks ago, in fact tomorrow will be two weeks. He is doing well, considering he has no left side of his heart. But, I am writing this post to ask for all of you Christian readers out there to please pray specifically for Jaime. Obviously, living next door to her, I see her and talk to her almost everyday. There are many things about having Sam home that are relatively "normal".He sleeps, he eats, and let it be said that he is a total sweetie! But, there are many more things that aren't "normal". They constantly have to be watching him for signs that he is struggling. All of us mommies out there know that when you have a newborn at home your constantly wondering, "Are they ok?" Imagine a world where you know your baby isn't ok but your not sure if he is not ok enough that you need to call the doctor or take him to the ER or worse yet the worst fear of every mother.
Today she called and was very upset b/c she is so tired and just overwhelmed by the gravity of this entire situation. Never in my life have I felt so helpless. There didn't seem to be anything I could say that could possible make it better. I know she wasn't expecting or wanting that but it hurts me so badly to see someone going through such a horrible time.
Later in the afternoon we took her new swanky stroller out for a walk to Hardings, something we did alot together last summer. Besides Caroline screaming for no apparent reason, it was a pretty normal event for us. Please pray that God would ease her mind, strengthen Sam, and continue to reveal himself to them .
Thanks!

A one child world!

I have decided that if I still only had one child I would be the calmest, most patient, fun mommy that ever existed! Matthew is at my parents until Wednesday. Caroline and I have some girly time and I am loving it! She is way more mellow without that little hooligan around:) This morning her speech therapist came over and Caroline was in rare form for her. I think she will be heading to OT in the near future. She defintely has some oral and auditory issues. Then we headed to Sam's club and as soon as she saw the building she screamed, "GOCK DOG!" that is Carolinespeak for hotdog. The kid is obsessed! She put down one of their jumbo ones in no time and excitedly proclaimed, "More Gock Dog!!" Then we stopped off at Schuring's to buy some more flowers for the yard. When we got home I tried to put her down for a nap but while I was planting I heard this little voice say from the upstairs window, " Hi Mama!" Her little finger and head pressed up against the crack in the screen. We need to get a celing fan in her room. She is way to naughty to have a fan in there. She would probably electracute herself playing with the plug and I can't safetly open the window very far because I caould see her thinking, " I think I will go sit on the roof!"
Tommorrow I am taking her to a KRESA outdoor playgroup and just hanging out before brother returns on Weds! We had fun in Chicago at our friend's house. The weather wasn't the greatest but the kids had fun playing(and so did the grownups!)

keepin it real

Ok, I have read two blog posts by Shelly Buck that have inspired me to have a "keepin it real" post of my own! I love reading Shelly's blog b/c its raw and honest and those happen to be two of my favorite things. Strange I know! The first one was on marriage and how their marriage got to a dangerously bad place. I am sure none of us, who can truly be honest with ourselves would ever be surprised at this. Jeff and I have been married for six years. Yes, I love him, yes,he is a wonderful father. But, since the arrival of our two small children our marriage has definetly taken its hits. Our kids are high energy, high maintanence, sensory challenged, little spit fires. They have taught me so much about my short comings and faults. Yes, they have also taught me wonderful things and I wouldn't trade them for ANYONE else..ever! But, they have shown me that when the going gets tough, this mama takes it out on daddy. I yell at him way too much. We were getting to a point awhile back where I thought we could very easily slip into the world of not really ever talking about anything except our kids for twenty years and one day wake up and say, "Yah, you..not so much, see ya!" I am sure no one needs details of anyone's intimate life but lets just say baby Simpson's conception was a miracle for lots of reasons, namely that we hardly ever go to bed at the same time and one day you just find yourself thinking, " When is the last time we kissed or hugged or snuggled?" Then I am out with friends and feel like everyone and their brother is kissing and hugging and "doing it" and I secretly wonder, "Seriously?!"
I know people are well aware of my faults as a mom, because they see me freaking out, or chasing Matthew or pulling myself off a screaming Caroline in the nursery EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY FOR THE LAST TWO AND A HALF YEARS:) I am way more willing to take the easy way out and that doesn't make for the best of anyone.
So, as I close in on Emma's arrival, I am finding that our life is so richly blessed. That I do have active, busy kids. But, they are healthy and happy and normal. I might not be making out everynight, snuggling on the couch with my husband but I am finding the time to kiss him and appreciate him and talk to him about something other than our kids. When I have Emma, I am sure my life will be turned upside down but I know I will hold that little girl with so much love and emotion having been tainted by the realities of what it means to bring home a baby your not sure will be with you forever. Will I continue to get frustrated? YES! Will I continue to start new discipline techniques and give up by 10am? YES!! Will I always be the best Christian God desires of me? NO! Will I keep trying and keep on keepin it real...YES! Will I keep eating pop tarts for breakfast while my kids munch on Trix and Cooca Puffs...HELL YES! Maybe I will throw in some flaxseed for good measure:)
Kudos to people like you, Shelly, for being real and keeping us laughing, crying and at the end of the day...becoming better women, friends, moms and wives!!

Girls weekend fun

I went to Bay Harbor in Petoskey this past weekend for my annual girl's weekend. It was so relaxing and lots of fun. We left early Friday morning and came back late afternoon Sunday. We went into Petoskey both Friday night for dinner and shopping and lunch on Saturday. We also went to a club at the casino on Saturday night for some of the best people watching I have ever experienced in my life. Serious stomach pains from laughing so hard all weekend! I have met all these girls through Jeff's buddies from high school and college. We have been friends now for over ten years. Its nice to have gone through some stages in life together and be able to confide in each other for various issues. These days alot of our conversations seem to revolve around child rearing and marriage issues.
Jeff stayed back here and held down the fort. I know I have said it before but I am so grateful for how willing and how wonderful he is about letting me get away. He is a truly awesome dad! (and husband)! This week is relatively slow. On Friday afternoon we're headed to Chicago to see our friend's Rachael and Scott in the Western Suburbs. They have two kids almost the same ages as M and C so it will be fun. Jeff is golfing with Scott on Saturday and Rachael and I are hoping for good weather so we can be outside in the FENCED in backyard with the kids. I love when we're somewhere with a fenced in yard so little Caroline can make a run for it! These days at 26 weeks pregnant,chasing her is getting harder and harder. I can't believe I only thirteen weeks left. It seems like I was just in shock at a positive test. I even get taken aback when I pass a mirror and see my ever expanding belly in the reflection..like, "Whoa...that's me, I am pregnant!"
Sam came home this weekend. What a difference two weeks makes. Last time I saw him he was on vent and now he looks like a normal, healthy little guy, minus the feeding tube. Its good to have them home!

Emma "WHAT" Simpson

Ok, thanks for all the comments! I am thinking were like 99.9% sure she will be Emma. The other day I said to Matthew, "What if we named the baby Molly instead of Emma?" He just looked at me with this exasperated expression and said, "No! Her name is Emma,stop asking me about that." I totally cracked up because that is totally his dad coming out! So, I took that as a sign to just stick with what my gut told me first! But, middle names that is trickier. Right now were, who am I kidding, I am thinking, Jane. This is Jeff's mom's middle name and I like the idea of naming my kids after special people in our lives. Matthew's middle name is Jeffrey, Caroline's is Carlysle after my beloved Grandma and so Jane is fitting. But, I do get some weird responses to Jane. Mostly of the " I think that sounds a little hickish" I also like Elizabeth b/c that is my mom's name. Finally, I am considering just having two middle names Emma Elizabeth Jane. But, I am not a huge fan of wordy names. Seriously, if this is all I have to worry about I should be counting my blessings. SOmetimes its just nice to blog about the mundane things in life.
In other news,this weekend I am heading up to Petoskey to Bay Harbor for my annual girl's weekend. I am so excited to just get away and relax. All of us are driving up Friday morning in my van and we will be there until Sunday. Its suppose to be cold, but heck, who cares. Sleeping in, eating out...no kids...heaven!

The name game

I keep meaning to post about this but with all the baby Sam stuff, I have been thinking and writing more about that! Well, as you all know, baby number three is another girl which brings us back to the daunting task of picking out another girl's name. When we named Caroline I thought I loved it. But, as soon as we got home, I kept thinking,"This is not her name, she is not a Caroline, she is a Kathyrn(the other name I was considering for her). Jeff even says all the time, "She is totally a Katie." I mean we called her "Anna Kate" for almost a year. This was because for some reason Matthew,who at the time had major speech delays called her Anna all the time and our subconsciences must of wanted to name her Katie! So, you'd think when we found out we were having another girl we would automatically be like, "Phew, finally we will have our Katie!" Nope..not us. It is in consideration but the name I like best is Emma. Yes, I know its the number one name, don't care. I think its pretty and cute and traditional. I also love the thought of calling her Emmy. But,I also like Kathyrn and Molly and Sara. So, what do you think..after all,I did let you influence me in finding out that she was a girl.