Rejection

So last night I had yet another God moment. First of all I really can't believe the grace he provides us..it really never ceases to amaze me. I have been really struggling lately with some post surgery issues in regards to my past issues with weight related rejection. I am not going to go in to detail but basically when I was heavier I definetly made some decisions that I would never had if I would have felt better about my body. Not to say that I didn't have a good self esteem, I think I always have had a pretty decent self image. However since I feel even better about my self I feel some resentment towards people who treated me less than ideally when I was heavier. I also feel irriated by myself for allowing some of the things that happened to occur and not being stronger.
So anyways, I have really been not at all into my Bible study or my Bible for that matter. I find anything and everything to do besides that. Then for the last two weeks I have had things come up that have kept me from going. This week I planned on going but Jeff ended up having alot to do at work and didn't get home until almost seven so I thought I may not go last night either but I was really feeling like God was saying" GET YOUR BUTT there!" I usually try not to directly argue with the big guy so I went and BOY was I meant to be there. There are many times when I am somewhere and hear a speaker, etc and feel like "This is why its so cool to be a Christian...how could you not believe in a God who so PERSONALLY cares about us." I am sure there were many other women who were there last night who felt the same as I did but what Beth Moore had to say about Rejection and the healing redemption that only Christ can offer was what I desperately needed to hear. I came home and had a heart to heart with Jeff about many of the things we had discussed and what I heard and truly felt a weight lifted off of me. What a great God we have!
S

No title post

I have no creative titles in my mind today! Just some quick updates. I kepp forgetting to blog about my mom's upcoming knee replacement surgery. She had her right knee replaced about five years ago and it went really well. For the past year her left knee has been really bothering her and this summer it down right kept her from doing alot. So, on October 9th she goes in to have the left one sawed off! Sounds harsh but that's basically what they do. Hopefully she recovers as well as she did last time. She was an orthopedic nurse in her "other" life so she is pretty vigilant about doing what needs to be done.
Matthew continues to love and do well at preschool. His teacher said today that she was really impressed with his ability to retain information!:) So smart! We are continuing with OT for him for the time being. I think it does help him alot. Caroline has her speech assessment in Mid October. I am pretty sure she will qualify b/c although she has alot of words, she struggles with annunciation. She also goes back to Grand Rapids to the optometrist this time who is also a patching expert. They will do a 6 month check up on her eyes. I think she may need new frames as she has been taking her glasses off alot lately.
Next weekend we're heading to Chicago to go to my girlfriends party to celebrate her August nuputials in Hawaii. We're also celebrating Caroline's 2nd birthday there since my sister and her kids will also be in town and b/c my mom can't travel obviously here for her birthday.
MOPS starts tommorrow. I am excited to be a group leader this year and have a break from MOPPETS. I think the kids will enjoy it too. Last year I left them home with Grandma Barb b/c it was too overwhelming to have them and be in charge of the childcare.
Jeff has started the Wild at Heart bible study with some guys at church. He seems pretty excited about it. I have to admit I am still struggling with getting into my Bible study. I have missed the last two which isn't good at keeping you on track. Hmm
This weekend Jeff is taking Matthew to the zoo and Matthew is most likely spend one night at Grandma's. He is very excited about that!! Saturday night we have our monthly euchre game.
Life just keeps on keeping on here in Portage!
S

Getting into a routine

We're slowly getting into a fall routine around here. Matthew is doing really well at preschool and seems to already be learning lots! He told me on Tuesday that his name starts with M and sang a song about Noah's ark..pretty impressive! Caroline is loving her Kindermusik class! I am so glad we signed her up..she is adorable in it! I think she really loves having some mommy time with me, she is a totally different child when she is alone. Speaking of Caroline, on Monday she endured yet more physical trauma b/c of me! We were at the mall and as I was loading Matthew in the car as we were leaving Caroline was in the stroller next to the passenger front seat door, I put my purse in the front seat and when I closed the door..she stuck her WHOLE hand in! It was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen..her little, tiny hand stuck in the door. She obviously screamed and her little hand immediately swelled up. I just started driving towards the hospital (Which is also daddy's place of employment)b/c I thought for sure she broke some fingers. But as we drove there she stopped crying and was totally using that hand to eat crackers..go figure that girl will never turn down a cracker:)! When we met Jeff at the ER we decided b/c she would totally let us bend them and touch them and was using them that she didn't need to be seen. I took her home and iced them and gave her Motrin. Today they are back to normal! Very traumatic though!
Jeff is going to Cinncinati this weekend for a "guys" weekend. I had my fun last weekend in Chicago while I was there for a bridal shower for a friend. I am trying not to dread being alone. Actually we have a pretty full weekend with a trip to the zoo and a birthday party to attend and of course church. Plus, thank you to any of you who have been lifting me in prayer in regards to my parenting struggles..lately I have been feeling so much happier and more in control of my emotions and especially my anger. Matthew has been so sweet and well behaved! Yeah!
S

Preschool begins

Matthew had his first day at preschool today. It went good...until the end. They let them go on the playground for all of two minutes which doesn't go well with my " I hate transitions"kid! He proceeded to run to the slide and say,"No! No! I am staying! and then quietly shouted "Stupid"! Nice..nice! I was like hmmm how should I handle this? I could go the calm, rational mommy route or the bribe the hell out him route. I chose the latter! I basically offered the kid everything but a new bike to get him quietly out of there. Bad parenting? Perhaps? But hey when the crap hits the fan this mommy offers gum..it works nearly everytime!
Speaking of bad parenting. I am still on my quest to try and not model it so much. I am taking a boundaries class that is being offered in Sunday school and have just started my new Beth Moore BS about the Fruits of the Spirit. One thing I am ashamed to admit is that I CAN'T FIND MY BIBLE! Go figure that I am constantly feeling out of control. This is the story of my spiritual life. When I am good..I am really good. When I am bad........it gets so bad that I have to claw and grab my way back to some type of sanity. You would think after 18 years of being a Christian that I would learn that consistent prayer and BS WORKS! I am so irritated by myself! Oh well..good thing for Grace hey?
S

I will post crazy man preschool pics later...he did look very cute and besides the "playground" incident he was actually very well behaved!

Little Jake

Jaime called and said that Jake died this afternoon. He lived for two hours after his parents took him off the vent. I don't know these people but my heart breaks for their unimaginable loss. I would just ask that you join me in lifting them all in prayer. He was a twin and had a twin sister and his mom is pregnant with a third child. Yuck!
S

Pray for Jake

Please pray for my friend Jaime's friend whose son is in the ICU at Helen DeVos children's hospital in Grand Rapids. Its a strange, freakish turn of events but what began as a normal fever turned into him having a seizure, stopping breathing and he is now on a vent and has brain swelling and damage if he survives. Jaime said the family is making some pretty tough decisions over the next few days. They are Christians but we can all imagine the hell they are going through. Pray for a miracle!

Sue

Crazy Caroline

I forgot in my break to tell you all about some things that have happened with Caroline as of late. First of...hello terrible twos..a month early! She is so full of temper tantrums! My neighbor laughs b/c you can often hear me say "Caroline, if you don't knock it off..I am going to sell you to the lowest bidder!":) She started a kindermusik class today and was a wild maniac! All of the other kids just sat there patiently and quietly on their mother's laps while Caroline ran around screaming and dive bombing me!! She had fun though and really that is all that counts! Also,a week ago Sunday, I accidently pulled her ligament out of place in her elbow! We were walking in a parking lot and I was holding her hand and suddenly she pulled away and to her knees! I felt the POP..eeew! She immediately started crying, but now her normal ear piercing, shrill cry, this was more of a "Ouch mommy,that hurts!" We took her home and I knew something was wrong b/c she wouldn't suck her fingers or drink juice and that girl is a juiceaholic! I called my ped office and luckily they have Sunday hours. They told us to come right over and popped it right back in and she was instantly fine. Poor thing! No more holding her by her wrists!
This week we're just enjoying our last week of summer before Matthew starts preschool next Tuesday. This weekend I have a baby shower for some friends and I think we're hosting a bonfire here on Sat night.
Have a good week!
S

Ok,ok

OK, I think I will continue but I think maybe only on a weekly basis. Partly b/c I don't always have tons to say but also because I am newly addicted to FACEBOOK! Seriously, its consuming and so much fun!
Anyways, we have had some recently busy days around here. Yesterday we had our good pals Rachael and Scott and their two small children who are almost the same ages as Matthew and Caroline,here for the day and night. A good time was had by all! We miss seeing them on a more regular basis. Today after they left Jeff and I crashed on the couch while Caroline napped and Matthew attempted to play quietly with his animals. Matthew ended up in our bed last night at 3am..so mommy and daddy didn't get much sleep after that! :( He was suppose to be sleeping on the floor since his room was given up for the guests but he decided differently. After the snooze, Matthew and I went down to the neighbors to play in their pool. Then we came home and went for slurpees a newly developed and greatly loved tradition that has come about this summer. All four of us love them! Even little Caroline sits like a big girl and slurps away. I justify the sugar intake by thinking of it as "heavy work" for their mouths. This is not a made up term..children with sensory issues have to do heavy work and believe it or not, drinking thicker liquids through a straw counts! Yeah occupational therapy!
Tonight we may enjoy a bonfire with the neighbors or maybe I will just curl up on the couch and watch "The sound of music"! Tommorrow we have several househould chores to do but most likely we will just laze about enjoying the last day of "summer". Matty doesn't start school till next Tuesday but Caroline starts her Kindermusik class on Tuesday. I am really excited that I have her in something. She certainly has gotten the short end of the stick in comparison to big bro who by this point in his life, had taken several classes..ahh the life of the second child.
Last week I had my discussion group leader training with my MOPS group. I am leading a group and really looking forward to it. The theme this year is "Adventures in Mothering" which I really can relate to. I am really hoping to be a great leader who can really make the moms feel welcomed and listened to. I encourage any of you fellow moms out there on blog land who aren't in a MOPS and stay at home or are available on the days yours meets..GO!! You'll love it!
Well its dinner time and I have been down here way too long..happy Labor day!
S

Blogged out?

I am feeling a little blogged out..I think because I don't really have much to say these days. I sometimes sit down to post and then think.."This is stupid" and delete it. Plus blogger has been deleting and doing weird things to my page too. So I may be on hiatus for awhile...
S

pics

Here are some pics.. I can't really remember what they are of. I think they are of the kids, me and Jeff in South Haven and one of me and my friend Liz's kids.I love Jeff's face in the pic of me and him..he looks so thrilled! He really does love us!!:)
This weekend will be busy but fun. We have a bonfire with our young adult group on Saturday and we're meeting up with a friend who is in from Arizona.
S

Great Weekend

I had a great weekend. It started Friday night when we had a neighboorhood bbq to celebrate our neighbor Larry's primary win! The kids had so much fun running around playing with the neighbor kids and roasting marshmellows. Then on Saturday morning I headed to Flushing BY MYSELF to see my friend Liz and her family. I was going to take Matthew but he was driving me crazy..literally! I called Jeff on Friday morning after a horrible walk to Hardings and said ,"Listen if I don't get away tommorrow and have some alone time I may just be checking myself into a mental institution." He must have taken me seriously because he agreed happily to watch both kids.
So, I drove up there and just enjoyed sitting on the deck and enjoyed visting with Liz and her girls. We also went to dinner. Today on my way home I stopped at an outdoor mall in East Lansing and did some shopping for myself and the kids and Jeff too! I am feeling refreshed and ready for the week. Tonight we went over to Wes and Kim's to say goodbye to our niece Jessica who is leaving for Grand Valley on Weds!:(
I will really miss her! Thank goodness for Facebook.
Tommorrow I am watching Avery, our neighbor's little girl and Matthew's buddy. Wednesday Matthew is headed back to OT for therapy, we ended up figuring out the insurance issue thank goodness! We will do two more weeks and then once a month for awhile while we see how he does in school!
S

Dark Humor

You all know I love some good old fashion dark humor..check this out!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I
> may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
> me, for I may not follow. Do not
> walk beside me either. Just pretty
> much leave me alone.
>
> 2. The journey of a thousand miles
> begins with a broken fan belt or a
> leaky tire.
>
> 3. It's always darkest before dawn , so
> if you're going to steal your
> neighbor's newspaper, that's the
> time to do it.
>
> 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't
> be replaced, you can't be promoted.
>
> 5. Always remember that you're
> unique. Just like everyone else.
>
> 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> 7. If you think nobody cares if you 're
> alive, try missing a couple of car
> payments.
>
> 8. Before you criticize someone, you
> should walk a mile in their shoes.
> That way, when you criticize them,
> you're a mile away and you have
> their shoes.
>
> 9. If at first you don't succeed......
> skydiving is not for you.
>
> 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat
> for a day. Teach him how to fish,
> and he will sit in a boat and drink
> beer all day.
>
> 11. If you tell the truth, you don't
> have to remember anything.
>
> 12. Some days you're the bug, some
> days you're the windshield.
>
> 13. Everyone seems normal until you
> get to know them.
>
> ; 14. The quickest way to double your
> money is to fold it in half and put
> it back in your pocket.
>
> 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
> 16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
> has a light side and a dark side,
> and it holds the universe together.
>
> 17. There are two theories to arguing
> with a woman - Neither one
> works.
>
> 18. Generally speaking, you aren't
> learning much when your lips are
> moving.
>
> 19. Experience is something you don't
> get until just after you need it.
>
> 20. Never, under any circumstances,
> take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.

Marble jar

I have decided to try and take the "bulls by the horn" so to speak. I went to Michael's yesterday and bought a small glass vase and some marbles. I am rewarding Matthew with good behavior(not talking "ugly talk",going potty,listening,being helpful,not screaming,etc)with marbles. If he does something naughty a marble is removed. When its filled he gets to go to Chuckie Cheese. He is really into it. Although he does keep asking "Can we go now?" after every marble! Since being back in his routine and catching up on his sleep with some extra naps his behavior has improved some.
Caroline's hearing test went great! Yeah! She doesn't have to go back until February. I am defintely not taking the job at the YWCA. In fact I pretty much loathe the women who would have been my boss. Thank you God for giving me such insight before I threw our family into major upheavel.
This weekend Matthew and I are going to see my good friend Liz and her family in Flushing. I haven't seen her in about a year. Caroline and daddy are staying home.
Hope your week is going wonderfully!
S

HOME and we're staying put!

We are home from our vacation! It was nice to get away and the kids had alot of fun. Matthew and Caroline were very taxing at times but some good solid memories were made and isn't that what its all about? I had to try and remember that b/c once again I felt myself being very overwhelmed by the personality of my children. I am really struggling with being constantly frustrated and irritated by them. I hate to admit this but its truly how I feel. When they act the way they did for much of the week I feel very much that I am failing them as a mother.
I thought that maybe I was going to be taking a job as a domestic violence educator part time for the YWCA here in Kalamazoo. But, I am feeling very strongly that isn't where God wants me. I have blogged about this before which is good b/c it just serves as a reminder of that fact. I was telling my friend Jaime last night that I really feel like God is screaming at me to lean on Him and get my encouragment and parenting help from him. And I wonder where my kids get this stubborness from?!:)
I could really use your prayers because I hate feeling so hopeless when it comes to raising these little gifts. I think part of me is still shocked that parenting is so hard..I really thought it would be pretty easy. Probably because when I nannied I got to go home at the end of the day and now sometimes being in it for the long haul just gets..long!
Anyways, we're home and hoping to get back on regular schedules and resume normal activities. Caroline has her hearing test on Thursday and I hope all is well with that. She has been saying more and more words so I am confident that won't be an issue. Matthew may not be continuing OT. Originially we were told that we would only have to pay $25 a week and now it looks like we have to pay $70 which is just too much. We are of course continuing with all they have taught us and are hopefully that he dosen't have too many issues in preschool. Usually he is pretty well behaved for everyone but us, I guess that counts for something, right?!
Tommorrow we have the dreaded nursery duty. We haven't been to church in a long time it seems. I am feeling a little blah about church lately. We're getting a new children's pastor soon and our assistant Pastor up and quit so we will soon get a new Asst as well. Hopefully that will be just what we need to get things going again!
Have a great Sunday!
S

I have no life...apparently

I am in South Haven right now and the funniest thing happened. Since my brother in law has his laptop here, we're able to check email, facebook and of course...BLOGS! My mother in law was watching us and said.." How do people have time for these things..don't they have kids, families,jobs, lives?" No,she doesn't know I have a blog. But, I piped up and said, "Easy now..I have a blog" and I would like to think I have a life too! :) It was pretty funny!
In other news, our vacation is going well. The weather has cooperated for the most part, although I think there is currently a tornado warning. Matthew and Caroline are having a blast playing on the sand, in the lake and with their cousins and aunts and mommy and daddy! Jeff is leaving tommorrow night to go home and vote and then work on Wednesday and Thursday and then he will be back. Pray that I will not lose my cool too much without him around! My niece, Jessica promised she would help me and I am holding her hostage and MAKING her! The girls, Jessica and Allison have been helping me run on beach. Although Jessica ditched me tonight to watch the most annoying awards show ever! The Teen Choice Awards. Absolutely AWFUL!! Big generation gap as I gagged through that! Probably similiar to Barb finding out about BLOGS!
Bye!

To South Haven we go!

We're headed out shortly to our annual summer vacation to South Haven with Jeff's family. Our day has already gotten off to a wonderful walk to Hardings for donuts and coffee for mommy of course. Matthew was so cute on the way home he was holding my hand and said, " I love family walks." Another cute thing he said yesterday while playing outside with Jeff was "Daddy, your my best friend!" Of course when we got home from our idealistic "family" walk he threw a tantrum b/c he had to come inside and proceeded to be taken to his room kicking and screaming "Stupid, stupid daddy, your a butt!" These are his two favorite potty words as of late. It seems that once he realizes he is in trouble he goes all out and figures he might as well be REALLY naughty! AHHHHHHHHHH!
I am praying that the weather is nice and mommy and daddy stay patient and remember that we're blessed to have this opportunity to spend time together with our family and to NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! Oh no...I am sweating already! Is that bad?:))))
Have a good week!
S

Slideshow

Hmmm..

I can't think of a good title to this post so all you get is hmmmmmmmm! I have been thinking alot about blogging lately. Mostly I have been thinking two things..who reads my blog?" and " Remember this is not your diary." I was thinking the first thought because my comment sections have been few and far between and you all know that I treasure the comments! The second thought has been coming to mind because lately I have wanted to write about certain issues and topics but then hesitate because, as I stated before..THIS IS NOT MY DIARY. And, seeing as though I will never truly know who reads this I have to be mindful of that. The thing about this kind of communication is that you may not be able to ever explain yourself. Sometimes it really dosen't matter but sometimes, lets face it..it does!
Lots has been going on here. This past weekend Jeff and I went to Grand Rapids to a party at our friend's house in Ada. It was a lot of fun. We stayed the night and slept in till 9:30...glorious. This week has been busy with several things to do. One of which was Caroline's speech evaluation. I had her tested b/c although she says more words than her brother did, her annunciation stinks. She tested well and most likely won't need any therapy. But, they are concerned that she may have some hearing loss. She has a follow up test at the ENT from her getting her tubes in January in about two weeks so we will see then. Hopefully not! Poor little girl!
We are gettting ready for our annual South Haven trip with Jeff's family. I am excited to go but exhausted at the thought of it. I am determined not to be a crazy, stressed out mess though!
Hope everyone is having a splendid week...

Wisconsin pics

Here are some pics that my sister took with her MUCH BETTER camera in Wisconsin. It should also be said that she is a much better photographer than me too! We're home at last and I couldn't be happier..all by myself in the basement blogging with a box of wine...just kidding about the wine part:)
S

Home, home...where are you?

I just can't stand to be away from blogger for too long, for here I am posting and I am not even home yet. I am back from WI at my parents house. Tommorrow the kiddies and I are visting some families I use to nanny for and then are headed home. Where I plan on dropping them off with their father and climbing into bed for several hours of sleep! A little dramatic..who me??:) Its been a very fun but very exhausting seven days. I had fun at my shower/party for my friend. Matthew and I had a great time swimming at my parents CC pool. Caroline decided to get sick again and got yet another runny nose and spiked a substantal temp as well. Then on Sunday night, Matthew got a high fever. We loaded them up and took them to my sister's house anyways. Thankfully they both recovered rather quickly. Yesterday we just hung out at her house as it was unseasonably cold. Today it was beautiful and sunny so we went to the beach. Caroline stayed back for a nap with Grandma.
I can't imagine how single moms do it. I am tired, I miss Jeff sooooooooooo much! Matthew has been sleeping with me for the last week and for such a little guy..man does he hog the bed!
I have some great pics..I will try and post tommorrow or Friday!
BYE!