The worst mom in the world

Ok, I am feeling a little neurotic and a little like a failure. I love my children so much! I am so blessed! But, I will whole heartedly admit that my son can drive me bonkers!! I feel so bad about this but it is true. I have never met anyone who can get under my skin the way he can. Its like he knows exactly what to do to make me insane! I go to bed every morning thinking.." I will be patient, I will play more, I will have the tv on less" and somedays, it happens but on others..none of the above happen. Yesterday was so awesome and then today..yucky! Then I think of others who have lost children or who have sick kids and I feel so horrible like I am taking mine for granted!

A few posts ago I wrote about needing to be in God's word more and I have fully admit here and now to not having done this! So, I am recommitting to this! I am SURE this would alleviate alot of my issues! I am sure if God could read this blog he would say..."Susan, Susan, Susan...will you EVER Learn?"

And I wonder where Matthew gets his stubborn, glutton for punishment personality from?:)

If your reading this and are local friends...please do me a favor and help me stay accountable with this...ask me what I have read in my Bible a week from now. Fellow blog buddies..feel free to hold me accountable via comments!

S

Prayers please.......

I spoke with my mom's friend the other day b/c I needed some pictures of her for my mom's birthday gift. Anyways, this is the friend whose family was murdered and is going through a divorce now b/c of her husband's betrayel. She seemed so down and then I spoke with mom who also spoke with her and she gave me more details of the latest and I just feel so awful for her. While I was talking to her we spoke about my sister selling her house and that I really felt that God was helping my sister learn some lessons through her trial with that whole thing. She then said " I think I am done with God teaching me lessons." I said, " Well, I think your pretty much well versed in all things difficult, now your able to help and teach others." I really didn't know what to say. I know NO ONE who has been through what she has. Sure, others situations are tragic and sad in their unique ways, but no one else has had so many in their life. That night as I prayed for her I just really asked that God would bless her...RIGHT NOW! So, please pray that God would bless Mary..now!

I was blessed today with my children! They were so well behaved at the lake...I couldn't believe it! It reaffirmed to me one of goals as a couple..to have a cottage! Not a lake home, nothing fancy..just a comfy, welcoming place by the water! Matthew absoultely loved it !He was so brave, jumping off the little raft they had tied out in the middle and he went on his second boat ride of his life !I actually let my friend take him while I stayed "on land" with Caroline. I am sure my friend thinks I am a freak b/c I was like"Do not let go of him... I don't care how hard he crys!" Of course he was a perfect gentlemen..didn't even try and move! Caroline loved tooling around in a little raft too! Great day!

P.S.
Does anyone read my blog? I never get comments!

Sue

Cousins

Matthew and Caroline are lucky to have some wonderful cousins in their lives..they are especially lucky to have some local ones! I loved spending time with my cousins growing up but we didn't see them hardly at all! Although Jessica and Allison are older, they are so great with the kids! They are such a help to me and Matthew and Caroline love them dearly! Derek, who is exactly Matthew's age was in town this weekend, Jenny does a great job of bringing him to town alot so we can spend time with him! A funny story about the girls that cracked me up was that I am going to my friends cottage tommorrow and I asked Allison to come help me out. She said sure she would love to but had to be back for "a party!" I said "Oh that is no problem! " and then I went and talked to Kim, who laughed and said.."ITs her birthday party!" Allison and like five of her friends are going camping!! Totally Allison..the most selfless girl in the world! She will do anything for you...even on her birthday party day! We are lucky people to have such great family!
S

Fresh air...

We have a new children's director at church and I am so excited!! She is so on the ball!! There are already so many visible changes in the children's wing! She completly cleaned out the nursery and reorganized it..it looks awesome! Her name is Linda Brown...not she!! I am so excited to see where she will take our children! We have been praying for awhile that God would bring someone awesome and He has!

Caroline had a meltdown today and I had to stay with her in the nursery! She is becoming quite the mommy's girl! We have had quite the busy weekend. Jeff's sister and her little boy Derek, who is the same age as Matthew were in town for the weekend. We went to the park and Cici's pizza Friday and then after daddy came home I went out with some neighborhood girls..very fun! Saturday we had our niece's 13th B day and then Jeff and I went out to play cards with our neighborhood group! Have I made it pretty obviuous we love our neighbors?! We are so blessed! They are great!
Today, after church we went to Jeff's mom's for dinner and now are home!

Have a great week..I will post some cousin "pics" later!

Sue

Eric Hanson

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this on blogland before..that our family friends were murdered by their son almost 2 years ago. I was forwarded the article below by our friend whose sister in law, brother in law, niece/husband were killed. Please say a prayer for them. The trial should begin sometime in 08 and there is one remaining sister. This family has obviously been torn apart in so many ways.

Its pretty obvious that their son was a sociopath and I am pretty sure he feels no remorse for what he has done. In fact, I think he was still trying to gain access to "hidden" accounts as recently as last fall before a judge put an end to that. I really struggle in praying for him. If truth be told, I want nothing better than for him to spend all of eternity roting in hell for what he did. That is me..real and very transperant. I am just not there. I can't see how what he did is forgivable. I know that isn't what God thinks though..I just can't seem to be able to even pray for him though. So maybe pray that I can...I just felt it needed to be shared!


In the weeks leading up to his four family members’ murders, Eric Hanson’s conflict with them about money spiraled out of control.

The 30-year-old Naperville man was banned from his sister’s home and their mother complained of needing a $100,000 loan to pay back debt she alleged he racked up in his parents’ name.

The allegations of family discord emerged during a Wednesday court hearing in which a judge limited the prosecution’s use of several “hearsay” statements of the slain at trial, which may begin early next year.

Eric Hanson is accused of fatally beating his sister, Kate, and her husband, Jimmy Tsao, in late September 2005 and shooting his parents, Terrance and Mary Hanson, with whom he lived.

The defendant denies involvement in the quadruple homicide, which was discovered that Sept. 29 in the Tsaos’ home in Aurora’s White Eagle neighborhood.

Last month, DuPage Circuit Judge Robert Anderson ruled Hanson’s other sister, Jennifer Williams, may testify that Kate complained Eric threatened to kill her Aug. 13, 2005, if she told their father about the credit card fraud.

At issue Wednesday was whether similar so-called hearsay statements of the slain also are admissible.

Chiu-Ter Tsao told police his brother, Jimmy, loaned Eric Hanson money for about four years and suspected he had stolen several valuables.

In fact, the brother said Jimmy told him everyone in the family, including the defendant’s parents, thought he was stealing money and valuables, later selling them.

Chiu-Ter Tsao said Jimmy finally banned Eric Hanson from the home. Within one month of the murder, Chiu-Ter Tsao said Jimmy accused Hanson of stealing his garage-door opener. Jimmy retrieved it from Hanson’s car, the brother said.

Chiu-Ter Tsao also told police Jimmy complained Eric Hanson’s flagrant spending on electronics and gifts for his girlfriends and constant borrowing caused growing family fights.

The defendant’s cousin, Robert Stutelburg, told police he thought Hanson sounded “fake” and was “playing dumb” when he told him about the murders. Stutelburg said Eric Hanson had been “living large” and bragged about earning $18,000 a month at a mortgage company — which the cousin didn’t believe.

Stutelburg said Hanson had a long disdain for his sister, Kate, and also fought with his parents about money. The cousin said it was a running joke in their family that Hanson had anger-management problems.

Stutelburg characterized Eric Hanson as a habitual liar who lived by the motto deny, deny, deny.

Judge Anderson ruled Wednesday that only those relevant “hearsay” statements in which Chiu-Ter Tsao and Stutelburg have personal knowledge will be allowed at the trial.

For example, Stutelburg may testify about how he thinks Hanson reacted to news of the murders. Chiu-Ter Tsao cannot testify about the alleged theft of the garage-door opener.

Hanson is in court again July 20. He is being held in jail without bond and may face the death penalty if convicted of the murders.




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What if we all met?

So here is my latest thought..what if people who I know through blogland met in person?? Would it be weird? I am talking about people whom you would never know anything about if it weren't for blogger or the internet?? I am thinking that yes, it would carry with it the awkwardness that you find yourself feeling on a first blind date with someone you have had several good phone conversations with. You know, where your feeling like, "He/She is the one for me! I just know this is it!" and then you meet and it all is a little less than it was? Or maybe it would be like finding that perfect person and you would just continue the connectedness and become fast friends in all worlds, not just internet related ones.

I am thinking about this because I find myself thinking and praying and mulling over alot of the words I read out there. One persons blog was accidentely deleted for awhile and I seriously felt sad thinking maybe she isn't blogging anymore. Its funny how your can feel for people you don't "know" but in all honesty, I think my blog readers get a more "real" sense of me than people who I see in the flesh and blood everyday!! Hmm, does this make sense to anyone? I want comments from all you "NON COMMENTING READERS!!

S

Father's Day

Happy Dad's Day! We spent the day with family.We went to church and then had everyone over for lunch/dinner. It was nice! Matthew and Jeff had fun playing outside while Caroline and I stayed in the cooler indoors! The weekend was a scorcher and pretty low key! We went over to a friends last night for dinner who had just moved back to town. Their house is new and in Richland in the middle of the country..very peaceful!

Friday I went out with some girlfriends for dessert at Fieldstone Grill..it was the most disgusting dessert I have ever had!! I couldn't even eat more than a bite..and I will eat about anything that is sweet! But, the company was great! This week is pretty low key. I may have a job interview at Babies R US. I should find out tommorrow..I am just trying to give it to God and let him make the call(not literally of course)..its always worked in the past:)

Here are some pics from today! I think I have this finally figured out!

S

PRAY!!

Two urgent prayer request

1. Little Cameron is having his spinal surgery today. Please keep him, mom Rory and dad Matt in your prayers. Especially through the weekend b/c he has to stay flat for 48 hours and he is 1!!! Us moms out there know how hard that can be!! Again his blog is www.cameronbriggs.blogspot.com !


2. My sister's house has sold!! Huge Praise as its been for sale for over 18 months and they have the inspection today at 4:30! Please pray that it would go through so they can begin to look for their own house and have all the stuff that they have had to keep in storage back and really start to settle into their town!

Thanks, have a good weekend! Happy Father's day!

S

Time for a deep one

Ok bloggers..its been awhile since I got deep. So here goes..no matter how much my kids drive me crazy, I love them with all my heart and soul and don't know how I ever lived in this world without them! No matter how much my husband can drive me crazy with his lack of being able to always say how he feels about me, pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom or ever do a household chore without nagging, I love him dearly and all he does to love and raise out children, support us, encourage me and lift me up. No matter how much I sometimes think my parents like to put in their two cents about everything..I love them and can't ever repay them for all the life lessons they have taught me. No matter how much my church "family" can tick me off or confuse me with their actions, I know that they are and would be there for me in any circumstance and that I am fed spiritually there. No matter how much I wish I could summon the willpower to get in shape, etc, I am so blessed to be able bodied and its my own fault that I am not..ouch!:(

I have been reading the "deeper" blogs tonight. The ones where people have truly experienced pain and suffering and immeasurable loss and am just feeling so humbled, convicted and blessed. I am feeling that my time with God has been neglected as of late and I pledge to right this. To stop blogging, not entirely, but to make my quiet times more of a priority than blogging and to stop watching tv and pick up God's word and get as much as I can of it...we all should yearn for this...right?!

Hmmm
S

Mowing the grass is for the birds!

I seriously stumble across pictures so randomly..I can spend an hour trying to find them and then they appear. This time they were in Shared docs!! I hope they are the ones I wanted. I wish I could see them all...so I could just click on them. I am sure there is a way!

Today was good! Matthew's behavior has been a lot better! We went to church for playgroup and to get the book we're reading ..The Red Tent. I read it years ago and loved it. I am excited to see what my friends think! I haven't read it in almost seven years so I am sure I will enjoy it too! Tommorrow Grandma is coming over so I can get my hair cut and Matthew is going over there at night for our small group! He will love his day..he is such a grandma's boy! Tonight I attempted to cut the grass..never again!! I made it only 7 rows and quit! It was not fun at all! Plus, I am allergic to grass so I am not sure what I was thinking. I think I was thinking I needed a break from the kids...not that bad!!:)

Please keep in your prayers a small job hunt I am currently in the midst of. A couple of things kind of popped up and if they work out great, if not, no biggie either.I really want to do what God would want me to do for my children, me and of course Jeff!

S

Uggh...and a prayers request? What kind of title is that?

I have to say that I am so fed up with the annoying comments people make. I was reading the most recent update by Shelly Buck on their website when I realized that people had been attacking her. She had expressed some valid frustrations and concerns and was just venting and all holy heck broke out in her comment and ENCOURAGMENT section. When I read comments like these people wrote it literally makes my blood boil. It is so not how Christians are suppose to be. I especially hate the cowardness people have in not signing their names. Please, if you have the audacity to criticize someone you should have enough respect for them to sign your name. Sometimes I wish you could enable a "YOUR RUDE so your no longer welcome here" screen in blogworld.

Obviously blogs are open for interpretation, but I really feel like people should remember that just because we're given glimpses into peoples lives doesn't mean we should feel free to negatively comment. Especially in regards to a women who is struggling to take care of her disabled husband and three kids, one whom is newborn!

Ok, I am switching topics entirely, my blood is again boiling! Please, please keep in your prayers little Cameron. I mentioned him several months ago, his blog is www.cameronbriggs.blogspot.com and he was born with dandy walker variant and is having spinal surgery on Friday for a tethered spinal cord!! Pass it on!!

S

Friends

I just came back from seeing a movie with some friends. We had such a good time. Its so nice to be around people who you can just feel comfortable with. Plus, a night away from the routines of bedtime is always a bonus too! It was so nice to be able to get to know people better and just laugh at the movie! I think we all need nights like that.

Caroline has a sinus infection, poor little girl. Matthew had a pretty good day behavior wise! Tommorrow were going to a friends house to swim. I have recruited my niece to come along to help "wrangle" Matthew! I am not taking him too many public places these days, its just too hard when he throws his tantrums. Its suppose to hot so swimming should be nice!

This weekend were going to a young adult bbq at church. It should be fun. The weather is suppose to be beautiful so we have that going for us! Hopefully lots of young adults are able to make it! Other than that just some weeding and cleaning..no fun!!

S

Its a shame

I have been reading the Hummel blog for sometime now. They had triplets about a month before Caroline was born, although sadly one of their sons went home to be with Jesus soon after birth. Anyways, I have found such inspiration through her words and their lives and faith. So, yesterday JoEllen had posted that she was changing her blog to private because there have been so many sicko stories of people doing scary things like kidnapping and creating blogs claiming the pics of others kids were their own. What has this world come to?? I am keeping my blog public, mostly b/c I am not a high profile one but if I was I would surely do this as well.

It really is a shame what this world is coming to! In other news, Matthew climbed out of his crib for the first time today. I was giving Caroline a bath and Matthew was creating much chaos so I plopped him in the crib and while I was changing Caroline into clothes, I hear these quiet little footsteps and then around the corner is Mr Man!! I swear, he is driving me crazy! We bought a crib tent b/c HE IS NOT GETTING OUT OF THE CRIB! But, I don't want him to break anything either! We have been having more and more problems with him lately. A little more than just the terrible two's so were getting him assessed to see if there is something that we could be doing to better help him control himself. On so many days, I feel like all I do is yell at him and sadly I am not enjoying him as much b/c he is so out of control. My pedetrician and speech therapist also thought it wasn't a bad idea. I have never been one to hide my head in the sand. I want him to be the best person God intends for him to be. I would do anything to have that happen. So,please keep us all in your prayers, that mommy and Matthew would just chill!!:)

S

Aunt Ruth

Jeff's aunt died last week and her funeral was on Tuesday in Grand Rapids. I know it sounds weird to say but it was the best funeral I have ever been to. Ruth was Jeff's dad's sister. She was the last of the Simpsons from Jeff's father. For those of you who don't know Jeff's dad died of a massive heart attack when he was just eleven. His Aunt Ruth and Uncle Jack hold a special place in his heart. He has very fond memories of spending time with them growing up and at their cabin up in Baldwin. Jeff and I also took a trip to their winter place in the Florida Keys back in 2000. They were and are the nicest people.

Like many funerals you get to catch up with people you never see unless someone gets married or dies. The funeral itself was so beautiful, such a tribute to a wonderful, practical, warm women who left quite a legacy. As I sat there I thought this is the way to live a life. Be married to someone your crazy about for 53 years, have four smart, wonderful kids who have all found success in their lives and go peaceful home to Christ on your terms.

After the service we went back to Uncle Jack's and sat around and heard lots of stories about Jeff's dad and mom as youngsters and their dating years and of Jeff and his sister's growing up and good times with the Hornbachs. Jeff isn't very sentimental but I know he loves hearing stories about his dad. When your 11 when your dad dies, unfortunately alot of memories get lost. Thankfully, he had wonderful people like Ruth and Jack to keep Roger's memory alive and to create new memories with him. Like driving straight thru to Boston in the summer of 1987 where apparently Jeff terrorized Kim and Jenny, to fun fishing times up at the cabin. Lots of good times! I know Jeff and his family will miss Aunt Ruth!

In other news, we are off to Chicago for a long weekend, Jeff has a bachelor party Fri night and the kids and I are going to my parents! Have a good weekend!

SUE

The power of testimony

Today at church a women and her husband gave their testimony that I think is in my top five most impacting testimonies I have yet to hear. She honestly admitted that she embezelled money from her company due to a gambling addiction and next weekend she is on her way to W Virgina to begin an 18 month prision term..wow! She went on to talk about God's grace, her husband's grace and redemption that only comes through a relationship with Christ. In light of what my family friend is going through as well as a little over ten years ago my dad's secretary, who also was a good friend did the same thing to the company my dad worked for, I felt it was so powerful to hear the "other side" and see her regret and accountability. It also made me loathe gambling all the more.

This weekend has been damp and dreary and I have been mulling over some issues within myself. We almost missed church today for various reasons and I am so glad that we resisted that urge to take the easier road and stay at home and ventured out to be there to hear her story. It takes alot to be so open and vunerable..I give her and her husband alot of credit!

S

Staples...in the head

Matthew had to get two staples in his head yesterday. We had gone to my last MOPS meeting and when I dropped him off at the childcare, he threw a tantrum and threw himself into the door, well his head went right into the corner and caused a pretty decent sized gash. It bled for quite awhile and then stopped but still looked pretty bad. He was very brave but restless at having to wait. Daddy met us at the hosptial, which isn't very hard since he works there :) and helped. Thankfully my friend, who had just had her second child last week was able to watch Caroline, I didn't feel too bad asking b/c she still had some help from her mom who is in town.

After the running away episode, the staples and other dramas in my life, I feel emotionally drained. Today, we went to a friends house for a playdate and they live on a really busy street.He was running away from me and I just lost it. That fear of never knowing when he is going to run for it or be naughty is too much, especially in light of the past few days. I was in the midst of scooping them both up when my friend suggested that we stay for a little while and she would bring him inside. I am glad we stayed, it ended being ok.

If I make it to the fall with this little boy without being committed or drugged...it will be only a miracle!

S

Crazy freak on the block

That is what my neighbors are calling me tonight. Awhile back you may have all remembered me freaking out b/c Matthew snuck away at church and we couldn't find him. Well, today he did that...but OUTSIDE!! I seriously turned my head for maybe 2 secs and there were 2 other moms standing right there and then he was gone. One of the moms was new to the neighborhood and speaks mostly French..I wonder how you say crazy in French. The panic didn't happen till minute 2 and then...excuse the language but all hell broke loose in my mind. All I could imagine was that he had run up the street and was on the busy street that crazy highschoolers speed down. We had like five neighbors looking and one almost called the police. Finally, we found him down dive houses on a deck, just standing there, quiet as a mouse!! I couldn't decide if I should hug him or spank him!

The funniest part was that when Jeff came home shortly after he was found, I was saying, "Tell Daddy what you did" and he just looked forlorn and then I said you scared mommy and he just stood there and started MOCK screaming. Like he was trying to say.."She's nuts!" I swear that child will be the death of me! Seriously, it was a horrible feeling. I can't imagine how people whose children are kidnapped go on living it would be unbearable!

In other news our computer crashed today and after troubleshooting with a helpful El Salvadorian(is there such a thing?) and a completely wiped out hard drive, which caused my husband to lose all of his tax returns( yes, I did tell him to back it up but Mr. Do it later never did!) I am pooped off to bed!

S

GIRLFRIENDS!!!

My cousin sent this to me..I thought it was perfect...


A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS
Someone will always be prettier.
Some will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger.
Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go,
and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it!
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored
woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know,
she's got the car, the house, the clothes~~~~
might be lonely.
And the word says, "If I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say,
"I am too blessed to be stressed and t oo anointed, to be >disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen~~
Losers let things happen."
Be "blessed" ladies~~~~~
and pass this on to encourage another woman.
"To the world you might be one person,
but to the one person you just sent this to,
it could mean so much."

Busy Week

This past week was full of fun events for the Simpsons. Almost every night we had something going on. We had small group here on Wednesday, always a good time, Thursday I had a Pampered Chef party, and Friday we had some friends from church over. The guys went out to eat and the girls stayed at home with the kiddos and ordered pizza. It was a lot of fun. Last night we hosted the neighboorhood euchre game. I love entertaining and having our home filled with lots of people.

I also planted a bunch of flowers around the yard, it looks wonderful now, but man am I sore!! I also am trying my hand at some veggies this year, tomatoes,green peppers and green beans..we will see!

This week its a little more low key. We have our last MOPS for the year but that is about it. We're all going to a bbq on Sat and then Jeff and I have a babysitter coming at night so we can hang out with some friends from college at night. Long weekends with daddy at home are the best! Matthew is obessed with his father!! This morning Jeff was trying to sleep in a little extra..well Matthew wanted nothing to do with this plan. He wouldn't go passed our shut bedroom door. He kept saying.."Daddy!!" I told Jeff this was the downside to being the favorite as yesterday when it was my turn Matthew had no problem going downstairs without me!! The love building forts and playing outside. Caroline is on the verge of crawling, very cute when she sticks her little butt and the air and looks between her legs. She is also sitting up and in the big carseat..how quickly they grow!

S

This generations babysitters...

Ok, I am 32 years old and spent a large portion of my teen/adult life babysitting/nannying. I was taught by my mom that when you babysit, you a-watch the kids, not keep the tv on the whole time, b-clean up after yourself at minimum but also clean up whatever mess they left in the common areas.(yes, this includes loading the dishwasher, picking up all the toys, even ones I didn't use),change the kids diapers, use common sense.

I can't tell you how much all of my teenage, high school babysitters STINK!! Tonight for example, I had one come over for two hours b/c I went to see my friends new baby at the hospital and then to a church meeting. Well,no sooner had I arrived when Jeff called, irate because everything was complete chaos at home. Caroline has a minor cold and hadn't been fed or put down for a nap, Matthew was playing in the living room,which by the way is gated off! They both had sopping wet diapers...so annoying. We have one decent babysitter, she is more than decent she is amazing,but she is a college student and gone for the month of May! When she gets back I am giving her a raise!!

Sorry for the rant...its just so annoying!

S