LIttle Jake

Please pray for our good friends little boy, Jake. He is 18 months old and they just found out that he has a hole in his diaphram and each time he takes a breath, his intestines are going up inside the hole, which can cause a fatal twisting of his bowels! Praise God that they were on vacation last week in Disney and a few times he fell asleep in the stroller and his dad noticed his breathing was strange and that his chest seemed to be really struggling with each breath. Pam and Pat, Jake's mom and dad, are Jeff and I close friends. Pat was Jeff's bestman and we've been friends for several years. There are so many parts of the story of discovering what was wrong with Jake and the miracle of him not having any serious side effects or worse, dying. Thank you God for protecting this little boy so far. He most likely will be having surgery in Ann Arbor the end of this week.

Although I wish Jake wouldn't need surgery at all, after getting off the phone with Pam I was so greatful for how God really does protect his people and love us. And of course, His plan is perfect!!

S

They don't think they're going to hell..

Nice title huh? This is a statement Jeff, my darling husband made to me about some of our non Christian friends. Actually the conversation started like this

ME: Did you call Abe and invite him to church on Sunday?
J: No
ME: Well, are you?
J: Maybe
ME, with ever the slightest nag voice:)So, you don't care if they go tell hell?
J: What?
ME: Well, if they died today, they'd go to hell and we could have helped stop that!
At this point he just kind of looks at me like"How do I answer her, without her freaking out?!"
ME: I just don't get why our Non Christian friends don't worry about going to hell?
J: Thats the thing, they don't think they are..they don't believe any of it, including the hell part.
ME: Good point
Then, today, Josh spoke at our church. For those of you who read or stalk my blog who don't know Josh Buck, he was the youth pastor at our church two years ago. His daughter, Ava, who was Matthew's age, died in a crib accident in Aug 05. Then, last January he was in an accident and is a quadrapeligic. He spoke today about pain and suffering and basically why bad things happen to good people. It was very interesting and especially coming from someone who truly embodies pretty much the epitomy of "bad things happening to good people". What I got from his message was that God is more interested in fashioning us to becoming more like Christ, than He is in our "comfort and happiness" Yes, he wants us to be happy, but ulitimately he wants us to be more like Christ and to glorify Him.
As we drove away from church, Jeff and I talked about how no one else could really ever give that message. That only someone who has been through what Josh has can really have any validity in statements like that. If I got up there and said similiar things I am sure people would be like, "Sure, whatever, but lets see what you would do if the going got tough?" Things have gotten tough for the Bucks but they remain steadfast in their faith and promises of eternal life through a relationship with Christ. They know this life is so fleeting. I wish Abe would have been there. (and by the way, we did invite them) They came over for dinner last night and we were talking about Josh and I said to his wife, " I think if you heard what he had to say you might have trouble not beleving in God" To which she responded," I believe in something, I like to think of it as HP(high power), I just don't like to tie it to one thing like God" I didn't respond b/c she knows where I stand. But, I can't help but wonder if they had been there would they not want a taste of a GOD who someone can still faithfully turn to, pray to, believe in, worship, adore, plead with, cry at and I am sure at time shout at.Wouldn't they at least be like, hmm, this guy has been through hell and yet there is something really awesome about his HP? I have to wonder?
Another thing Josh said that struck me is to enjoy the blessing of the mundane, the ordinary. I think because of my personality,to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop or all hell to break loose,to be pessimistic to a pretty substantial degree, that I do to a certain degree really cherish the small things in life. Like last night for example, I spent some serious time blog reading on some really depressing issues. When I went back upstairs, Jeff said Matthew was asking me to come up and tuck him in. As I entered his room and saw my precious little guy laying there in his big boy bed I thought to myself, " I could yell at him and tell him to go to bed or I could crawl in and snuggle the stuffing out of him. I chose the latter and he just about broke my heart with his sweet little kisses and hugs and his little lispy voice saying" I wub you" I felt like the luckiest lady in the world.
So, as I read over the post, its a little random but its what I have been thinking about tonight...
S

Funny doctors..happier moms

My mom saw the hematologist today and all is well. He said that her reaction in her platelets was due to one of her meds and that it wasn't even all that dangerous and she continue taking it and just have her levels montiored. She said he was a younger guy with a funny sense of humor but reassured her that he had no bad news for her. I guess my dad, who has remained eternally optomistic broke down once he left the room, rumor has it he even shed a tear. Not to make fun of this at all. I know its been hard for him to see her go through all of this. I think he just doesn't want to go there in his head. But,my mom said he was afraid that she had bone cancer. In other good news, her lung scan came back absolutely fine too. So, we are breathing a little easier this Friday.Its been a bit of a rollercoaster this summer for our family..always seemingly waiting on results and tests to be run. Today, I got a card in the mail from a friend who said she was praying for my mom and our family and it just reaffirmed how glad I am to have a faith and God to lean on. Yes, things can always be worse off and I am sure that our family will see more hard times than not but knowing we having a loving, caring God who we can lean on surely helps!! Do I hear an AMEN?? My comments are lacking people!!:)

SUE

If you ask them, they just might come...

This is how I need to start thinking about asking people to church, MOPS, etc. I am working on it and getting better but still I know I fall short. This Sunday, Josh Buck is speaking at our church so I have invited alot of our non Christian and Christian friends. His message is just so powerful that I am hopeful and prayerful that they will come and be touched by something they hear from him. Tonight I went to a friends jewelery party and ended up inviting several moms to my MOPS group. I feel more comfortable doing that somehow. I think that its because I struggle with aspects of our church right now. I love our small group and the friends I have made through it. To be honest, its what keeps me keeping on at times. But, also there are things like our Pastor calling to see how my mom is doing. Those things do make a difference and lets face it no church is perfect!

So, I am going to start inviting the heck out of people..and maybe one life will be transformed from a simple step made by me.

S

More mom prayers

Mom found out today that her platelets are lower still than they were on Friday. She has to go to the doctor this afternoon to figure out what the stink is going on. She was very down again so it was a short and not particularly sweet conversation. Afterwards I called my sister and about 2 minutes in started crying like a newborn baby. She is always the voice of reason and is positive and keeps things in perspective..typical firstborn! When I got off the phone I felt better but then thought that I have to have another kid sometime b/c just one person to turn to who knows your crazy self and family just isn't enough...

Siblings and especially sisters are great things!! Thanks God for sisters!

S

God says yes, God say no

God is usually pretty clear with me on where and how he wants me to do certain things. One of these areas is working. Before I had the kids, it was downright eery, in a good way, how much I felt like His hand was playing a part in where I worked. I always felt very good about moves I would make career wise. So, when I decided to stop when Matthew was born that felt right. Lately, because of money issues and "going crazy b/c I have two kids under 2" syndrome I had looked into part time work. This time however, I didn't feel God's blessing in it. Things weren't working out, no one would call me back, the hours wouldn't work, etc. Finally, I have realized that He wants me home with my kids, he wants me to learn the lessons that being at home full time provides. I think He wants me to watch our neighbor girls on a part time basis too for the discipline that would provide and of course the financial benefits. Cool feeling though to know I am not fighting His plan.

In other news. I have been approved by my health insurance company for weight loss surgery. This is something that I have contemplated for years but recently really seriously started looking into. I am greatly encouraged by the swiftness of my health insurance company.I will have to have it done in Grand Rapids, because they are very particular that it be done by surgeons who have done many surgeries which is important. I am still at the beginning stages but am hopefully that I am on the road to a healthier and happier Sue. I can't remember ever being thin and now its really just gotten out of control. I am hoping for a "do over" in this area of my life. Surely with all I have learned from the various books, diets, nutrionists, etc I can become and stay thinner and live a long and happy life for my family and of course myself.

So, lots going on here. Off to get a haircut!!

S

Ikkey feeling

That is how I am feeling right now. My mom needs some more prayers. Actually, today I think she was feeling a little more optomistic. She had an apt with her rheumatologist and everything was checking out ok,but they did some blood work just to see where she is at since some of her meds can have pretty strong implications. So, tonight I was at Joanne fabrics picking out fabic for a chair I am having recovered and was talking to my mom about which one I should choose. I called her again after I left and she answered abruptly and told me she was talking to the dr and had to call me back. It was 7pm and you know most docs aren't calling to shoot the breeze at 7 on a Friday. Then, to make matters worse I didn't hear from her until 9:30. It turns out her platelets are pretty low. There are a couple of reasons why this could happen I guess. They are going to retest her on Tuesday. She was pretty down and not up for a lot of questions which to be honest irritates the crap out of me. I want to scream.." I am just worried ok!!!"

Then, Miss Caroline's eye situation is worsening and that is freaking me out. I wish our apt was sooner. I know its most likely nothing very serious but some people are making it seem like because it suddenly presented itself that its not good. I just want some medical professional whom I trust to give me an honest account of what is going on and how to treat it.

So, ickk! Thanks for the prayers!

S

God in the details

I know he is but I love a good story to show just how in it he is..

So, my friend and neighbor's father had a liver transplant last September and had a hernia complication a few months ago. He had a pretty rough go of it for awhile but was starting to feel better and then recently felt like he had developed another one. So, he was on his way to Ann Arbor have a CAT scan and as he pulled into the hospital he got a call from the surgeon who did his last operation on the hernia. It turned out that they were going to do the CAT scan the way they regularly do it for just anybody but when you've had a liver or kidney transplant you can't because you have a really bad reaction. I am certainly leaving out some details here, but how God is that?? That his surgeon would call him, as he is pulling in to have a potentially harmful procedure done? Only God can orchestrate something like that.

Funnier yet, Jamie, my neighbor and his daughter just called and I said, " Hey I was just writing about your dad on my blog, you don't mind do you?" She said no that she was happy to share something that would perhaps convince others of the realness and caring of God. Of course me and my cynical attitude said, " When I hear stories like that and think of people who still deny God, it makes me want to scream ..IDIOTS!"

As my niece Claire would say.."Idiot isn't a nice word Aunt Susan"
Point taken!

Good Weekend to all and to all a Good Night!

Words for thought

I read this on another blog today and thought it was just so appropriate for all of us, no matter what is going on within our lives:

Nothing surprises God. What puzzles us is permitted by our Lord, for reasons too profound to grasp. It is put together in the counsel of His own will so that it fits perfectly into His plan for His glory and for His purposes. As His servant, I say in response, ‘I will not fear. Though I don’t understand it, I will not fear. Though You take something that’s deeply significant to me, though You allow a catastrophe to strike, I will not fear. I will not blame, I will not doubt, and I will not question.’ Cease striving, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)”

Pretty huge words huh?? True but also hard for us humans to take. Our family friend who has been through such horrific nightmares in her life said to my mom the other day "Whoever is behind me in line to get into heaven better be prepared for a long wait..I have some serious questions for the big guy!" Obviously kidding, but I think alot of us feel that way about so many things.

S

No laboring for us!

We have had a really nice, relaxing weekend. Friday I took the kids to Grand Rapids to visit some friends. It was a beautiful day and the kids had fun. Friday night Jeff and I went out to eat with some friends to Chilis...tasty! Saturday we just hung out, Jeff mowed and then at night we went to a bonfire birthday party at our friends house. Sunday was church,which didn't go well at all. We haven't been there in awhile between vacations, sickness, etc. Matthew and Caroline were freaking out and they are changing it all around so we didn't exactly know what was going on. Hopefully once things settle down it will be ok again. Last night Jeff went to a friends bbq/housewarming while I stayed with the kids. I watched GONE WITH THE WIND. Good movie, I realized I had never seen it in its entirety. Then I watched KRAMER vs KRAMER..and cried like a baby. If you've never seen it I highly recommend it. Today we have just been hanging out again. We're going to some friends for another bbq tonight and so I spent alot of the am preparing what I am taking. Matt and Jeff played outside. Caroline kept getting under foot!:) Speaking of Caroline, please pray for her eye. The wandering is getting worse and she doesn't go to the doctor till the end of the month.

School's back tommorrow which doesn't affect us but it will be nice to have our fall activites back in full force. MOPS is still stressing me out, but it will get done. My brother in law called last night and asked if I had put him in my blog yet. He was shocked to learn I have one and wanted to know what I write about. After reading through today's post I guess I would say alot of nothing!! So, I am wondering if he found it somehow because he is also on the "DO NOT READ" list. Maybe I will give all the people in my life access. I mean, it can't be worse than the Jason Gehoski torment. Then maybe I would at least get some more comments. I think I have like 4 readers now!

A funny side story about my sister and her family,which includes said Brother in law. They just got back from vacationing in Maine. They flew in and out of Boston but had some time to kill on Sat so they were taking the train into the city. They ended up sitting next to either a man suffering from bipolar or terrets. He was swearing at them and called my sister "The fat *%$#@ in the pink polo" and my niece who is 6 was horrified. She ended up asking if she could put her sunglasses on to avoid staring. My nephew who is three kept saying "MOTHER $#@!" " Ooo..he said bad word!" My sister and her husband are just praying that it would all end soon. After the detrained, Claire was very upset at why he was acting like that. My sister explained in a six year old way that sometimes people are sick with the flu and sometimes they are sick in the head and that was the way the man was. So, now my sister and her family have been in CRAZY MATTY!!

Happy Labor day!!

S















Have a good week!

S

Prayer needed

Yesterday I found out that our good friends, Mike and Erin lost their baby girl. She was 20 weeks pregnant and her water broke and she went into labor. The baby died in utero but they were able to hold her and name her. Her name was Erin Michele. I am so sad for these friends. Not only for the loss of their daughter, but also because a bunch of us are friends from college and there are 3 others that are due at the same time. So, I know that will always serve as a reminder, not like she would ever forget. I have been praying constantly for them to feel comfort from God. So, please say a prayer for them.

S

One thing right..today anyways!

So for a long time now when I am reading Matthew books or we're reading Bible stories I will ask him "Where does Jesus live?" For awhile because of his speech delay he said nothing, then he started saying "Werk.." which is Matthew speak for work, I think he thought Jesus tagged along with daddy. But today, when I asked he said, "In my heart" and pointed there. Talk about melting mine! WOW! It was one of those "ah-ha" moments as a mom. Where I just stood there, glad that age 2 years, 4months that my little boy knows that. That despite all the days that I am feeling " Man, am I screwing these kids up or what?", that with a prayerful and convicted heart I am hopeful that Matthew and Caroline will contiune to always know and believe that Jesus does live within them and that they live lives for Him based on a strong foundation that we layed for them!

S

God..a million, Satan..zip!

Ok, I posted about my MOPS frustrations with recruiting volunteers and then went upstairs to receive over five people who agreed to help! AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEENNNNN! I know those of us on the Steering team have been praying hard and to see these calls being returned and prayers being answered really gives me hope in alot of things in my life..He cares even about the details of my mom's group!! Cool!

SUE

p.s.
I hope your not thinking there won't be anymore ranting! Come on people..its me were talking about!:))

Satan hates MOPS!..of course he does!

That pretty much says it all..and because of that..my life has been not so fun lately!! Trying to get people to volunteer twice a month for two hours is near impossible!! I am about ready to say to someone when they say," I just can't this year.." WHATEVER!!! You can, you just SUCK and won't!! If your reading this and are one of those people..sorry blog hazard I guess. I don't take for granted one second of the time and effort that people put in at all!!! Its very much appreciated! Its just very stressful and its unbelievable how many won't help!!

Please be in prayer for this ministry! Its so great and that is probably the reason Satan hates it so!!

S

Nice weekend away...

This weekend was a first for me in a long time, I think since I had Caroline...I got to sleep in two days in a row! My friend Sarah is pregnant and having a complication so I volunteered to come up to her house in Lansing and take care of her and just hang out. I was suppose to have a girls weekend with some high school friends so I already had "booked" Jeff:)

So, I headed out Friday evening around 5pm and arrived home around noon today. It was GLORIOUS!! We just hung out, rented movies, went out to eat twice (don't tell her doctor:). I made her some meals for her and her husband and twin 15month old girls to have this week. We spent time watching bad movies, bad tv, blog stalking..etc! It was so enjoyable to just DO NOTHING! I missed the kids but it was nice to have a break, especially on the heals of Jeff being gone and traveling with the kids to Chicago last week.

I can't believe summer is almost over! I am ready though. I love fall, except allergies, which have kicked in full force! Last night I was awake for almost 2 hours coughing and sneezing. Thank goodness for Zyrtec and Allergra!

Have a good week!
S

Heavy Heart

That is how I am feeling tonight..the trip to Chicago went pretty good. Although, it was really hard to see that my mom's disease has taken a toll on her muscles. Its really weird..she has problems with her proximtal muscles,which are where your muscles meet up with other sets of muscles. So, she can't pick the kids up or hold them really. She has a lot of trouble getting her legs into a car. Its like the are paralyzed. She has to literally pick them up and put them into position. But, thankfully, she can walk and climb stairs. Her medicine has also had a lot of crappy side affects like a horrible mouth sore that isn't healing and losing lots of hair and growing hair in areas you don't want hair. Her spirits seem better than when we had her party but she is definetly not herself. The kids had fun there..but I realized how much I relied on my mom to help me in the past for sure. Matthew loved the children's museum I took him to so all in all it was a good trip, just different.

When I got home I checked the Bucks blog and my heart just really aches for them and especially for Josh. I can't imagine the irritation he must feel daily. I was telling a friend that I spend so much time thinking about him during the day and wishing that I had a magic wand to make it all "better". As, I read Shelly's post and then immediately spoke to my mom who had some more discouraging and dissapointing news about our family friend who is recently divorced I felt annoyed with God. Kind of like.." YOu have the magic wand..you can make these people's lives better..DO IT!!" I then went to small group and vented about some of the things I was feeling and that helped. But, as I drove home I defintely felt like instead of feeling just sad for these people, I need to pray specifically for the hardships they face and the struggles the so graciously admit to having! Me feeling bad for my friend or Josh doesn't serve any purpose and getting angry with God certainly doesn't. But, specific, daily prayer can!

My heart is already lighter!
S

How times have changed

Yesterday, Jeff, me and Caroline went up to Grand Haven for a party at our college friends, Amy and Tony's house. It was a nice day, despite the rain and nine little ones under the age of three running around like crazy. I had mixed feelings about leaving Mathew with Grandma because I know he would have fun there. But, he would have been so crazy and since Jeff and the guys were going boating we decided not to. Caroline loved crawling around and playing with the other kids and since she is so laid back it wasn't as stressful for me just to have her. It was weird looking around at all the kids and thinking of how much life and parties have changed since we all started hanging out a little over ten years ago. Its cool, because there is that history there and we all go through the same stages for the most part at the same time.

We were bad this morning and skipped church! Shame! Shame! It was storming out and Jeff let me sleep in till 9:30 and I just couldn't get it together. I feel bad. I haven't been to our church in like a month. Between vacation, and sick kids. Last week I went to a different church to see what it was like. It was ok, total Willow Creek wanabe. Since we went to the real deal and lived down the street from it for two years, I kind of am turned of by WCW(Willow Creek Wannabe) churches. I know the serve a purpose, but for me, I like a smaller community and the really showy services don't really serve me for where I am at in my walk. To each there own. This church is really growing and so that makes me think they must be a lot of people's cup of tea.

Tommorrow me and the kids are headed to Chicago. I am taking Matthew to a children's museum on Tuesday so that should be fun. Jeff will be gone till Weds night so at least it will break up the time that he is gone and the kids can see Grandma and Papa!

S

"The Office"

The Office is hands down one of the funniest shows to ever be on t.v. I love it!! Every time I watch it I am literally rolling. If your reading this and don't agree, I would strongly argue that your lacking in the sense of humor department. When I meet people who are like, " You like that show? " " I don't get it" I want to be like.." Hmm, I guess we can't be friends then!" Just joking..sort of :)

I was just watching a rerun and thought I would post about it!
Have a good weekend.

S

More eye trouble for Squeaky

That is what we call Caroline..even Matthew is calling her that in addition to the usual "Anna"! Anyways, after all the trama of the eye stuff a few weeks ago I have noticed that when she is eating a bottle or baby food her left eye rolls inward. So, I took her to the doctor today and she noticed it too (she happen to be eating a bottle at the office) and so she has to go back to the opthamologist to get some advice from them. They think she will either need a patch or glasses to strengthen the weak eye! It seems relatively minor compared with the scariness that could have been a few weeks ago! Maybe she can be a pirate for Halloween!:)

We decided not to take her back to the first doc, he wasn't that impressive. So, we have to wait until September 27th to get her in to the practice they suggested. But, the doctor said that is fine! So now we will have a helmet and a patch/and or a pair of glasses to remember these wonderful early days by! I can just imagine taking them out when they are in their twenties and showing them!

We may be going to Chicago next week to see my parents. I mentioned it to my mom b/c Jeff has a business trip through Thursday and I thought it might help break up the week. I wasn't sure if my mom would be up for it b/c she has had my niece there all week for "Camp Grandma" and my sister and her inlaws are coming this weekend to take my niece and my sister's sister in laws little girl to the American Girl store, so she will have a weekend of company in addition. Then my dad makes it sound like she is so weak and tired and not herself and basically gave me the impression not to come. I will admit that when I got off the phone I did cry. Mostly because I miss my mom feeling normal and we have no certainty that she will feel like herself anytime soon. In fact, they have told her it could take up to 2 years for her to regain her injured muscles, which is basically her upper body muscles. In addition she is on some heavy duty meds to keep the dermamyotosis at bay. I thought this sucks for like a minute then remembered there are many more people in worse situations then us and sucked it up. Then my mom called later tonight and said when I picked up the phone

" Hello, Susan, I could barely dial, I am so weak!"
To which I responded
"What? mom??"
Mom: " Dad told me what he said and he is crazy..I am fine. Please come if you want to .

We decided that my dad is missing free reign at golfing..he is a total addict. So,we just might go. A little all over the place tonight..my apologies!
S

South Haven Slide Show..I think

Free MySpace slideshows, photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here are some of our pictures...I have never done the slideshow thing before so hopefully it works!

SUE

South Haven 07

So, I have been a lucky girl to be able to have joined Jeff's family on their annual South Haven summer trip for six years now. It started when we were dating and we would just veg out and read, sleep in too late and eat way too much. Then, then two years ago we had little Matthew and the South Haven trip was transformed and I dare say, if you would have asked me last year...ruined forever. Especially that first year when he was only three months old and we were stuck inside and Jeff had no vacation because he had a new job. Last year was hard because we didn't go to South Haven, we went to West Olive,just outside of Grand Haven and it rained almost all week and Matthew was, I hate to admit, a huge pain! But, this year, I decided to have a different attitude. One of "this might not be fun for me, but Matthew could have a great time so just forget about pre Matthew South Haven..because that ship done sailed!" :)) I have to say that attitude transformed my vacation. We had so much fun! Here are my top memories

1. Watching Matthew bond with his cousins. He loves them so much! Especially "JesCA" and "Allica"..who really goes by Allison, but for some reason Matthew couldn't get it and just morphed their names together. They were so helpful with the kids!! I owe them the world!

2. Running in his little swim suit down to the beach, waddling all the way !

3. Running to greet Barb every morning with such joy screaching " AMA!! AMA!"

4. Watching movies with him in the umbrella stroller for 45 minutes straight because for some reason it was his favorite chill spot, even though he hates the stroller normally!

5. I slept with him each night which is something we never do and he just would sense I was in there and migrate towards me, on top of me, in most cases ! Then,each morning I was awoken to a flood of kisses and him saying "Boo Mama, boo" and the sweetest smile this side of Lake Michigan!

6. Seeing just how sweet and laid back Miss Caroline is! You could plop her down or on a lap and she was completly content.

7. Caroline being fed by daddy each night, since mom was on "Matthew duty"

8. Just enjoying my kids and not missing South Haven trips of the past! Sure, we're are all exhausted and worn out but we enjoyed ourselves and made many new memories. We felt like a family, our own little unit! This week made me so grateful for my husband, my marriage, my kids and I wouldn't trade anything for that!

Pics will follow sometime this week!
S

We're back

We arrived home from South Haven early this morning. We had a great time! Matthew was in heaven there! He had so, so much fun! When he realized we were pulling into our subdivision he started crying and said "No, Ama, Ama!" He couldn't get enough of his cousins and of course Ama and Papa. The weather was so so but we still got in plenty of beach and swim time. I am going to download the pics later and will post more then! I will say I was having total blog withdrawl while gone! I miss my "regulars!"!! Glad to be back!

S

Sweeter yet!

I finally downloaded some pics before vacation tommorrow, which by the way I have packed not a thing as of yet! I am more the type of person who likes to wait till the last minute, frantically throw everything in a bag and then forgot half my stuff!!

The pics are more of Caroline, the one in the crib with her peaking over is how we find her every morning and night!! arrgh! She has taken to night waking again and no matter how long you let her cry she hangs on..she is relentless when she has an empty tummy! One is of Matthew on his new bed..the floor! That is where we have found him the last three nights! Just to prove we do indeed have a bed, I included a pic of that! We ordered his frame and it will arrive in a couple of months. I think he just gets down and dinks around and then gets tired, lays down and goes to sleep! Another is of his favorite chore...vaccuuming. I took this to use against him when he is 12 and gives me attitude about helping out! Another is of Matt and Caroline in there favorite position, intertwined with one another, with Caroline stealing pacies! She is one tough cookie!

We went to my friends's inlaws cottage again today..no near drownings. But, he must of remember the trauma of that because he kept saying "Oww" and pointing to his ears b/c he has tubes and shouldn't get them wet..at least he learned! He is fighting a small cold and wasn't himself! I hope he gets plenty of rest b/c he will need it for his week at the Lake! Please pray that I don't lose my mind chasing after him and that they both stay safe!

S

Sweet

Caroline is defintely sweet..here is a picture of her my sister took..I always seem to post more Matthew pics! Sh eis really developing a little personality. She loves to just study other people and will gaze at you very soulfully. Goodness!

S

A little better

That is how my mom is feeling, but her spirits are much improved..so thanks if you've been praying for her. I have been spending alot of time talking to her on the phone, for those of you that know me your probably thinking "Don't you already talk to her alot?" Yes, but I have been spending longer periods on and she is seeming more upbeat and positive!

Last night some friends from church and I went to the PARLOUR for some yummy, huge amounts of ice cream! Very, very tasty! They are both pregnant and sick and made me glad that I am not!!:)

Another frustating babysitting story, I had one today and when she came over she brought a book...she was watching the kids from 10:30-12:30 so I wondered how she thought she would have time for reading? Then,she neglected to ever change Matthew's diaper and it was filled with ewies! It looked like it had been there for a long while! I was really miffed! I mean come on!! I am so tired of feeling anxious when I leave that things won't get done. But, I can't always have Barb watch the kids so I think I will find some more WMU babysitters. Its so nice to have peace of mind that everything is ok!

Matthew is boycotting his nap today, he is up in his bigboy bed being naughty! We took all dangerous objects out so he is staying in there for at least an hour! We leave for vactation on Sat..lots of pics will follow!
S

The daughter becomes the mom?

That is how I am feeling lately with my mom. This morning I talked to her and she had been admitted and sounded very down! She was having to share a room with an older women who has a chronic cough and the bathroom they share doesn't have a shower. I asked my mom if she could get her own room and she said that they probably put her with someone b/c insurance doesn't cover private rooms. I had Matthew at the same hospital she is at so I know that you can for an additonal cost get your own room. But, when I suggested that she said no that she doesn't want to be a pain. When I pushed it more she got mad. So, I did what any good manipulative child would:) I called my dad on his cellphone. (He was down getting them coffee) and said.."Look into this or your next three days will be not fun!":) and twenty minutes later I got a call from her saying they had moved her! I mean it ends up costing less than a $100 a day so I say go for it!!

I felt really sad about my mom last night. She has been so not herself for almost three months now. Its really hard to hear her be so discouraged and down. The hardest part is that she may not ever feel like she use to and I am afraid if that happens I won't get my old mom back. There are so many projects around the house that we had planned on doing together and its dishearting to think that she may not be able to physically be "Supermom" anymore! But, I am still the luckiest girl in the world to have a great mom!

So please pray specifically that
the medicine will work and quickly
that all her cancer screening tests come out negative
that her muscles come back fully!

S

Spoke too soon

Well, I should have known when I titled my blog not much going on that would send things into a tailspin. Not really a tailspin exactly , but my mom called and they are admitting her to the hospital tommorrow for three days of inpatient treatment for her dermamyotitis. She is very discouraged. I am prayerful and hopeful that this will kick it out of her system so she feels better!

S

not much going on

Hello
Just hanging out today..watching one of the neighbor girls, Matthew's little girlfriend Makenna. They moved here from Grand Rapids and their dentist is still in Jenison so she is hanging out here. We went grocery shopping today and Matthew took the pastic bag with a green and red pepper and took a huge bite out of it..right through the plastic..he is so naughty but cute. At least its green peppers though!

Caroline has had a temp for the last few days but today she seems on the mend. I am working on my MOPS stuff and am feeling very overwhelmed with all that needs to be done to have people there to watch the kids! Hopefully it will all come together!

S

All is well!

Caroline's eyes are fine!! Amen!! Amen! AMEN! Poor little baby had to have her eyes dialated and I totally had to pin her little arms and head down and he did have to do some searching but all looks fine ! I of course had several questions and he was pretty blatant and said" I am checking her retinas for retinablastoma" to which I said" I know, I googled it" He was very interested in what I found on the internet about it because he said alot of parents don't know about it and they really should be aware of the warning signs. The biggest one being, a white reflection in their eyes instead of red eye! So, you know I will be loving my red eye pics of my little girl!

This weekend while I pondered what I would do if it indeed was something serious. I felt like I was thinking alot about how I feel about God right now, in these moments of our lives. I completely believe and love Him but and I know this will sound bad, I don't trust Him. Now this isn't to say I don't trust His plan is best..it is, but I don't think it ever makes sense. It seems like you have to wait on Him and his timing is too much to take sometimes. I want him to Fix things always. I always want people to be able to write ALL IS WELL. I want people to pray for things to happen and they magically become God's will. I want him to put a invisible barrier around those people whom I know have suffered enough and be guarenteed that no harm will come to them anymore. Its like lately I am thinking, "Come on God...enough already!!" then I feel really bad because the people who could be saying these things don't. They remain steadfast in their trust and praise of the Lord. I think if God was reading my blog he would read that last sentence and say only one word.."Exactly!"

I am so grateful that my sweet little girl's eyes are gine. I am so happy to have a little boy who is so full of energy but still can know mommy is getting mad and lay down and take a nap in his big boy bed! And, because of these things I can give back, do more, devote more time to Bible reading, praying and spreading the Word to those who don't know Him and the peace, that I felt even when I was doubting this weekend that only comes through those who know Him.

Please continue to pray for my mom, her muscles are still really bad, she is having a muscle biopsy this week and may have to go into the hospital for more vigorous treatments!

S

Never google anything medical!

That is my advice to you parents out there! Of course after coming home from the doctor yesterday as soon as the kids went down I googled "no red eye reflex"..HUGE mistake! Of course there is nothing good that can come of that. It was all bad stuff..from cateracts to glaucoma to cancer. Then I was obsessing over every picture I have of Caroline checking for red eye. I do see it but it does look a little odd in some pictures. So, I tetered between being calm to really being worried and upset. Thankfully, Jeff came home a little early and his attitude always helps me calm down. He is like, "Why worry until you need to" Where I am always worst case scenario right away! Then this morning, I called the nurse to ask if the dr had seen a mass, would she have told me and in the middle of talking I just started bawling. I think it really had more to do with the combo of my mom's health and then this that sent me into becoming a blubbering mess. The nurse was so nice. She was like, "Oh you poor thing, its ok" and she reassured me that yes, that if she thought it was that she would have told me. But, I am still not completly convinced b/c of the urgency of me scheduling it. After a good cry, I have been fine all day. My sister and her kids stopped by on there way back from Detroit to Wisconsin and there is nothing like a sister to reassure you that all is well. This weekend should keep us busy. We are watching our friends little boy for the morning tommorrow and we have neighborhood euchre tommorrow night, church on Sunday and then I am taking my niece Jessica to the mall to buy makeup for her senior pics! I can't believe she is a senior! I love doing makeup so it should be fun! I will update Monday after the apt!

SUE

Caroline

Well, its never a dull moment in the Simpson household! I took Caroline for her nine month checkup today. Everything was going well until they checked her eyes and couldn't see the red eye reflex. So, she said that I need to take her to an opthamologist and within the week. The doctor they wanted to send me to was unavailable until August 6th when we will be in South Haven on vacation plus I can't stand to wait that long..I am so worried something is really wrong. Even though so many people are saying its probably nothing! Of course I googled it and now I am freaking out that its something really bad! Hopefully, she just couldn't see it b/c she is such a wiggle worm! The doctor we saw is very cautious..so I am just thinking that is all there is to it. But, in light of all my mom has been through lately, I can take any more what ifs! So, her apt is Monday at 11...please pray that we find out all is well with our little sweetie!

S

Mommy has no emeregency reaction skills

Yesterday we were at our friends in laws cottage on Gun Lake. Matthew loves it there. He usually wears this little life vest/swimsuit but at one point yesterday he didn't have it on b/c he was suppose to be napping but climbed out of the pack and play and I just had brought him back down to the lake. Anyways, he was toddling around, right near me when all of a sudden he went up in that horrid child drowning pose. Face in the water, arms and legs out. But, the thing is that he does that all the time in the bath so I just said, "Matthew stop it" but my neighbor went barreling over and grabbed him up. He had to have been holding his breath, b/c he wasn't choking or anything. I am sure that they all think I am a horrible mom though. Plus, he got a little sunburn on his nose so Jeff is claiming I am a bad mom:)

When we got home he crawled out of his crib twice! Finally, after threats that we would take his pacies away, he stayed in! But, we think a big boy bed may be needed. We are going on our annual South Haven trip in a week and he won't stay in the pack and play anymore..he is just too big. So we may just have to take everything out of his room, and try the bed! We may just have to pad the walls...just kidding..sort of:)

Pictures

Here are some pictures from the other day, Matthew was playing outside with Daddy and he was giving him his first accounting lesson I guess..hence the debit and credit chalk drawing. I was laughing so hard when I saw it b/c only Jeff would think of that to write! I know he is scared that our kids inherited my bad math genes! There are also some party pics from my mom's bday! Also, some pics of Matthew looking so much like a little mini me of Jeff cutting the grass, same form and everything!!

S

Party Success

Well, we successful surprised mom for her birthday party! It went very smoothly and it was very fun. It was awesome seeing friends and especially family that we never see!! My mom wasn't 100% herself, but I think the party was a much needed distraction from all that has gone on this summer! She had her MRI on Friday and it came back inconclusive so she has to have an U/S tommorrow. If that is inconclusive they will just rescan her in 3 months! Please pray that it is conclusive and that its definetly ruled out as not cancer. She is on a pretty high dose of steroids but hasn't felt any difference yet, however its only been 3 days. I have to say that I just want it to be over or just know if its something bad like cancer. Not knowing is the worst.

My aunt and uncle are staying for a few days with my parents and I think this couldn't have come at a better time. It will serve as more of a distraction and she has no choice in it which at this point is what she needs. She has really been in a serious funk. I had a good chat with my dad about it on Friday and he really helped put me in a better place about it. Its just that I miss my mom...she seems not like herself at all. So, please pray for her health both physically, emotionally and spiritually!

Thanks
S

Mom update 2

Well, my mom had her apt with the rheumatologist today and she thinks my mom does have dermatomyostis. Its a chronic connective tissue disease. She still has to have the MRI on her liver to make sure she only has the hamangeoma but she is pretty sure that is what it is. She will have to be on a relatively high does of steriods for the next month, that will hopefully help with her rash and muscle weakness which is getting bad again. I am in awe really that she is still doing as much as she is with her CPK so high. Some people would have gone into renal failure and she was still walking an hour and a half each day at its peak..she is one tough cookie! Her spirits seemed better today. I asked her if she felt better knowing what she had and she said yes and she just sounded better than she has in a long time. She has seemed really down. But , I think that is because she has been feeling super crappy and weak and hasn't felt like she could admit it!

Obviously we would wish that she wouldn't have anything chronic wrong with her and we don't want her to develop any of the scary things that can occur with dermatomyostis but she is confident in her doctor and of God to see her through it all!
I am more excited now for the party! I think she will be really touched by it! I will update Sunday on how it all went down! Have an amazing weekend!

S

Suddenly blogland is very, very small!

So, I came down this morning with Matthew to play and check my email/blogs and to my surprise I found I had another comment from yesterday's post. But to my shock and horror the comment was from the one, the only....JASON GEHOSKI! Yes, the same Jason Gehoski who I had the crush on, wrote a fake letter about, etc! I was on the phone with someone at the time and I really think I sounded like such an idiot I was in such shock! Its too funny really! He just stumbled across it while looking for something else. I sent him an email apologizing..he claims its not mortifying..I beg to differ:) So, so funny! When I called Jeff and told him he was laughing so hard I thought he might pass out! I also called a couple of my high school friends who were like..."This could only happen to you!"

So, let the lesson be learned...be careful what you write or you could find yourself with a comment from your old crush!!:)

S

My kids in a nut shell

I was seeing on someone else's blog that they had a pic of their kids and a little update. Since I am failing miserably at keeping their scrapbooks or calendars up I think I am going to steal this idea!


Matthew: he is all boy, all movement, all the time!! He has a very curious spirit and loves to explore. He loves his daddy (and mommy) and especially his sister whom he calls "Anna". He loves to kiss her and sometimes he plays a little too rough and tries to sneak attack steam roll her. :( He loves going to church once we are there! When we drive up however he says "No, no!" I think he know mommy and daddy won't be with him! But, he has learn so much about God there and loves to pray. He is always remember Grandma..who he is obsessed with! He has a very special relationship with her!

He remains a great eater! His favorites are Cheese, apple juice, bean burritos, apples and of course chocolate!! This kid is obsessed with chocolate anything ...epecially ice cream!
His speech skills are really flourshing since starting speech therapy last January with his beloved Miss Karla! He loves her so much and is so excited to see her! He loves to say "In there" Me daddy do it, me daddy no bye bye, and pass for pacifier although through his lisp it sounds like he is swearing and we have gotten some looks!! He loves playing with our neighbors little girls, Avery and Makenna whom he calls "Me Guys":) All in all Matthew is a sweet little boy, who loves to read books at night with mommy and snuggle. He is wild and crazy and can really wear us out but we love him all the more!

CAROLINE.

Caroline is nine months old and such a sweetie! Its hard to believe she is the same baby who was so colicky only a few short months ago! She is light years ahead of her brother in the physical development as she was crawling at 7 months and pulling herself up at 8! She doesn't seem all that interested in walking right now! She loves to eat and I think if I let her, she would eat only real food. She loves fruit and veggie puffs! She is content almost always unless she is tired or hungry. She is a decent sleeper..finally sleeping through the night as of last week. She goes down at 6 and sleeps until 6:30 or 7am!! She is in love with her big brother and is very sympathetic to mommy and daddy when they have to deal with his crazy antics! She has been very healthy since her RSV this winter. Only occasional sniffles !She is a precious sweetie!

Pictures will follow...
S

Mom update

Well, the doctor called today with my mom's CT results. Its not horrible but it wasn't the "all checked out perfectly" like we hoped. It turns out that she has some nodules on her lungs, apparently its pretty common and they just recommend her being checked in like 6 months. They also found a spot on her liver, not a mass, but more like a growth. They think its called a hamangeoma sp? which isn't that big of a deal either but her doc wants her to have a MRI to make sure. So, we still don't really know much more. Her rash and muscle weakness are still there too. She goes in on Thursday to talk about treating that. I feel so bad for her b/c I know she isn't letting it all out. She is being a mom and trying to protect us. I have to say I can't stand it. I am afraid. I know God will help me through anything but I don't want him to help me through my mom being sick. I have said it before, I am afraid of having a "story". I feel so much like a just couldn't handle that. Unfortnately, that isn't the way the world or God works...darn!! So, I go between crying and praying to just feeling normal and praying. I am grateful that in relative terms its not bad news. I mean, they could have called and said.."You have stage four liver cancer" They didn't...she really for all intensive purposes will be fine. I want gurantees..I always have..I am living in the wrong world for that..good thing I believe in a God who is does guarentee that no matter what we endure in this one. ..a wonderful eternal life awaits and there are no CT scans or cancer there!!

S

Night away

Jeff and I are back from our day and night away. It was nice, the weather ended up being great even though it rained the whole way up there. It was great to see some friends we haven't seen in awhile either. The hotel we stayed at had the worst beds imaginable but I didn't hear anyone saying "Mama " at 6 am so I will take it!!:)

On our way up we stopped in Midland and I have to say I was a little sad and disappointed. I think I may have been thinking of it a little idylitically. sp? I so enjoyed growing up there, but it doesn't feel or look like home to me anymore like it did for so long. Oh no, maybe I have really grown up?! Sometimes I feel like I am still 15 but yesterday I have to say I very much felt like 32 year old who likes her life!! Maybe I just didn't notice the same things last time I was there? Who knows and really..who cares??

So this week is just getting ready for my mom's party and she finds out the results of her tests. I am praying that it all goes great and she gets some positive answers and then we can have a fantastic celebration next Saturday!

S

Family Camp fun

Just so you all know..yesterday I had an entire blog entry done and accidently deleted it....arrgh! Anyways, yesterday was a wonderful day for us..Matthew, Caroline and I went up to our church's family camp for the day. Kim and Wes are up there and we went swimming and just hung out. Matthew absolutely loved it!! He was very good!! One thing that made a huge difference was a HARNESS! Our friends lent it to us and its a LIFESAVER! If you have an escape artist child I highly reccomend it ! We stayed almost the entire day. Caroline was a little angel and slept in her stroller while Matthew and Kim and I explored camp. Matthew got a treat from the snack shop and we also road around in another friend's golfcart. He fell asleep as soon as he got in the car!

Today we had a playdate with our buddies Lauren and Jonah (and Carrie too!:) The kids had fun playing outside. He just went down for an early nap b/c he is pretty wiped out from yesterday and then he didn't fall asleep until almost 10pm last night. I think it being light out so late makes it difficult for him. I am very much looking forward to this weekend. Tonight I have a baby shower for a friend with a Hawain theme, should be fun! Then tommorrow Jeff and I are going to a wedding for a high school buddy of Jeff's. Many of our friends are also going to it and the best part is we are spending the night..so we get to sleep in!! We are also going to visit my hometown of Midland! I know Jeff is excited for that..not!:)

Still no word on my mom's CT scan...so keep praying!!

S

Caroline got her bangs cut today! Her hair was driving me crazy because her bangs were like 4 inches longer than the rest of her hair! I think it looks really cute and now I don't always have to have a bow in! But, I can still use on which is nice because she looks so cute in them! She looks older with her hair like this!

I have more to post but will have to do it later...dinner time! I think the way I am uploading is not the quickest..I am so bad at this..I need take a class!

S

Why can't I put titles on?? I don't know?! Anyways, here is the link to my friend's dads page...please pray for him he isn't doing well! www.caringbridge.org/visit/andydevries

Thanks!

S

Hmmm...for some reason it won't let me title this..??? Anyways, if it had one it would be "Paniced and Praying" My mom has had a medical crisis of sorts and I am asking for blogger prayers please. It all started about a month ago..she started having muscle fatigue which got progressively worse. Her family doctor kind of dropped the ball so my mom, being a nurse, took herself off her Zocor(a staten prescribed for cholesterol)and then her Dr drew blood and found that her cpk levels(this is a muscle enzyme that is excreted in the blood when muscles are damaged) was astronomically high. She then developed a rash on her face and upper body. She has been to the dermatologist(sp?) and its not a disease called dermomytosis which is an autoimmune disease, in fact her blood work came back as negative for autoimmune antibodies which is a huge praise! Anyways, her cpk levels continues to decrease and her muscle fatigue is almost gone. But, on Thrusday they are having her get a CAT scan to make sure she doesn't have what we all dread..Cancer! I am optomistic that everything will be fine, as her levels are tappering..but it still freaks me out. Plus, I know she is driving herself crazy with worry. She hasn't been herself in weeks and its so hard for everyone. Especially in light of her birthday coming up! I try and remain postive and just keep reminding myself that with God we can handle anything. But, I am all too aware that my faith certainly gets me no free rides, on the contrary if anything. I am just praying for the best and believing it will be at this point!

So, please pray that all scans come out normal and that they can figure out what exactly caused the muscle, cpk, rash stuff and how to make it go away! I am pretty sure noone reads this that knows my mom personally, but if you do...please don't ask my mom about it..she might not want everyone to know..but I defintely want everyone praying...many thanks!

S

Crazy man loose in Hardings!

Ok..Matthew is either going to kill me with his recklessness/insane behavior or drive me to become a heavy drinker by noon! We tried again, to go to the Farmers Market. It was closed..this is the second time this has happened to me. I have no idea why..they are suppose to be open Thur,Fri and Sat! So, then I took him and Caroline to the Hardings by our house to pick up a few things. Now, for the record I will say that I was thinking.."Don't do it. Just take him home and leave him with Jamie", (our neighbor next door who Matthew adores). Well, I didn't listen and went in and in the time it took for me to let go of his little hand to put Caroline in the cart..he sprinted off through the stock room. So I am left saying.."Matthew, Matthew" and not sure what the heck I am to do with Caroline who is sitting calmly in the cart looking at me as if to say.."Again?!" Then of course it took like five people and almost five minutes to find him. I was a little panicky but no massive freak outs like the neighborhood missing Matthew incident. I think as it happens more and more I am becoming desensitized!
Finally, a bagger said,"Miss does your little boy have blond hair and is he wearing a CUBS shirt?"
"Yes" "
"He is the in the produce section."
There he was clear across the store, holding a green pepper as if to say"Look mom, veggies for you."
He then saw my face and was aware he was in trouble and started to cry. It really is a good thing he is so cute!

I should have a caringpage link to my friend Jamie's dad, Andy who I asked for prayer for yesterday. He is doing better but keep those prayers coming! Also, my friend had her baby! Ava Catherine was born on Monday! She does have some pretty signifigant jandice so they are keeping her a little longer but other than that all is well! Thank you God! What a blessing!

I miss comments. I was doing so good for awhile! Where did all the people go?

S

the 4th and more

Happy Belated 4th! The Simpsons had a fine time of Americana fun. We started Tuesday night decorating Matt's wagon for the neighborhood parade. Actually, he watched mommy decorate his wagon! Jeff took him while I stayed back with a sleeping Caroline. It was hysterical watching them come by b/c it was more like a marathon than a parade..when Jeff got home he was drenced in sweat! Then we went to Schoolcraft with Kim,Wes and Allison and our friends the Evans. That parade was a little bit of a snooze but Matthew was pretty good. We went home afterwards where the entire family went down for a nap and then headed to a bbq across the street. Matthew LOVED every minute of it..running around playing with the big kids! He made daddy fish out balls of the neighboors perenial garden and there was a weed in there called "needles" and the title pretty much tells you what coming in contact with it feels like. So, his whole right leg was burning and he had to go home and shower and put some Bendryl on it. Poor baby!:( Finally, Jeff and Matthew topped off the night with fireworks! Jeff said they kind of stunk, but Matthew enjoyed himself! He went to bed at 11:00 which is I think the latest that child has ever seen. He slept in a bit..8am and has been in pretty good spirits so far!

Please keep my friend Jamie's dad in your prayers. His name is Andrew..he had a liver transplant in the fall and had three hernias that where the size of cantalope removed on Monday in Indy. He is doing well, but has a slight fever and isn't able to eat so its slowing down the whole process of recovery and getting him home to GR! Please pray for the families peace and reassurance too!

S

The movie wasn't worth $8!

That is how I feel about EVENING..with Claire Danes, Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, etc. It was definetly what I like to call a "rental". THat is how my mom and I catergorize movies better left to wait and see once they are out at Blockbusters. It was still nice to get out and do something by myself..I love seeing movies by myself.

We had a nice weekend. Friday night I saw the movie, Saturday we cleaned and did some yard work and had some friends over for dinner. I am trying to do that more. I sometimes want to invite everyone over but have decided to have just one couple at a time so we can get to know some of our newer friends better. Plus, then its not so crazy. Today we went to church where I felt so tired! I could barely keep my eyes open! So, while Matt and Caroline were napping, Jeff and I took a snooze on the couch..for like 15 minutes till Caroline woke up! I swear that child has a "my mom is sleeping comfortably..I think I will wake up"radar!:)

Please keep my friend Catherine in your prayers. She is the one who had the still born in March of 06 and she is being induced tommorrow. They are taking the baby, a girl who will be named Ava 3 weeks early because their daughter Avery, died at 38 weeks and they have no idea why. Pray specifically that her lungs would be fully developed and all would go perfectly!

My siblings and I compiled a list of things we learned about my mom for her birthday. We had it framed at Michaels...I thought it was a good list of things for the younger moms out there in blogland to aspire to teach their children. I will feel so blessed if Matt and Caroline feel they have learned these too from me!

No matter how old you are you should ALWAYS listen to the good angel on your shoulder.
Doing the BEST you can is all you can ask for.
Be HUMBLE.
The importance of LISTENING.
Life is an ADVENTURE so enjoy it.
Never lose FAITH in God, your family or most importantly, yourself.
Always be LOYAL to your family.
TRADITION in your family is important. Whether it's a special dish at a holiday meal or a certain song you sing to your children every night before they go to bed, keep tradition alive.
GOOD MANNERS go a long way in life. Comportment is a reflection of the way you were raised.
GIVE FREELY of your time, talent or financial means.

Have a good week! Happy 4th!
S

The worst mom in the world

Ok, I am feeling a little neurotic and a little like a failure. I love my children so much! I am so blessed! But, I will whole heartedly admit that my son can drive me bonkers!! I feel so bad about this but it is true. I have never met anyone who can get under my skin the way he can. Its like he knows exactly what to do to make me insane! I go to bed every morning thinking.." I will be patient, I will play more, I will have the tv on less" and somedays, it happens but on others..none of the above happen. Yesterday was so awesome and then today..yucky! Then I think of others who have lost children or who have sick kids and I feel so horrible like I am taking mine for granted!

A few posts ago I wrote about needing to be in God's word more and I have fully admit here and now to not having done this! So, I am recommitting to this! I am SURE this would alleviate alot of my issues! I am sure if God could read this blog he would say..."Susan, Susan, Susan...will you EVER Learn?"

And I wonder where Matthew gets his stubborn, glutton for punishment personality from?:)

If your reading this and are local friends...please do me a favor and help me stay accountable with this...ask me what I have read in my Bible a week from now. Fellow blog buddies..feel free to hold me accountable via comments!

S

Prayers please.......

I spoke with my mom's friend the other day b/c I needed some pictures of her for my mom's birthday gift. Anyways, this is the friend whose family was murdered and is going through a divorce now b/c of her husband's betrayel. She seemed so down and then I spoke with mom who also spoke with her and she gave me more details of the latest and I just feel so awful for her. While I was talking to her we spoke about my sister selling her house and that I really felt that God was helping my sister learn some lessons through her trial with that whole thing. She then said " I think I am done with God teaching me lessons." I said, " Well, I think your pretty much well versed in all things difficult, now your able to help and teach others." I really didn't know what to say. I know NO ONE who has been through what she has. Sure, others situations are tragic and sad in their unique ways, but no one else has had so many in their life. That night as I prayed for her I just really asked that God would bless her...RIGHT NOW! So, please pray that God would bless Mary..now!

I was blessed today with my children! They were so well behaved at the lake...I couldn't believe it! It reaffirmed to me one of goals as a couple..to have a cottage! Not a lake home, nothing fancy..just a comfy, welcoming place by the water! Matthew absoultely loved it !He was so brave, jumping off the little raft they had tied out in the middle and he went on his second boat ride of his life !I actually let my friend take him while I stayed "on land" with Caroline. I am sure my friend thinks I am a freak b/c I was like"Do not let go of him... I don't care how hard he crys!" Of course he was a perfect gentlemen..didn't even try and move! Caroline loved tooling around in a little raft too! Great day!

P.S.
Does anyone read my blog? I never get comments!

Sue

Cousins

Matthew and Caroline are lucky to have some wonderful cousins in their lives..they are especially lucky to have some local ones! I loved spending time with my cousins growing up but we didn't see them hardly at all! Although Jessica and Allison are older, they are so great with the kids! They are such a help to me and Matthew and Caroline love them dearly! Derek, who is exactly Matthew's age was in town this weekend, Jenny does a great job of bringing him to town alot so we can spend time with him! A funny story about the girls that cracked me up was that I am going to my friends cottage tommorrow and I asked Allison to come help me out. She said sure she would love to but had to be back for "a party!" I said "Oh that is no problem! " and then I went and talked to Kim, who laughed and said.."ITs her birthday party!" Allison and like five of her friends are going camping!! Totally Allison..the most selfless girl in the world! She will do anything for you...even on her birthday party day! We are lucky people to have such great family!
S

Fresh air...

We have a new children's director at church and I am so excited!! She is so on the ball!! There are already so many visible changes in the children's wing! She completly cleaned out the nursery and reorganized it..it looks awesome! Her name is Linda Brown...not she!! I am so excited to see where she will take our children! We have been praying for awhile that God would bring someone awesome and He has!

Caroline had a meltdown today and I had to stay with her in the nursery! She is becoming quite the mommy's girl! We have had quite the busy weekend. Jeff's sister and her little boy Derek, who is the same age as Matthew were in town for the weekend. We went to the park and Cici's pizza Friday and then after daddy came home I went out with some neighborhood girls..very fun! Saturday we had our niece's 13th B day and then Jeff and I went out to play cards with our neighborhood group! Have I made it pretty obviuous we love our neighbors?! We are so blessed! They are great!
Today, after church we went to Jeff's mom's for dinner and now are home!

Have a great week..I will post some cousin "pics" later!

Sue

Eric Hanson

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this on blogland before..that our family friends were murdered by their son almost 2 years ago. I was forwarded the article below by our friend whose sister in law, brother in law, niece/husband were killed. Please say a prayer for them. The trial should begin sometime in 08 and there is one remaining sister. This family has obviously been torn apart in so many ways.

Its pretty obvious that their son was a sociopath and I am pretty sure he feels no remorse for what he has done. In fact, I think he was still trying to gain access to "hidden" accounts as recently as last fall before a judge put an end to that. I really struggle in praying for him. If truth be told, I want nothing better than for him to spend all of eternity roting in hell for what he did. That is me..real and very transperant. I am just not there. I can't see how what he did is forgivable. I know that isn't what God thinks though..I just can't seem to be able to even pray for him though. So maybe pray that I can...I just felt it needed to be shared!


In the weeks leading up to his four family members’ murders, Eric Hanson’s conflict with them about money spiraled out of control.

The 30-year-old Naperville man was banned from his sister’s home and their mother complained of needing a $100,000 loan to pay back debt she alleged he racked up in his parents’ name.

The allegations of family discord emerged during a Wednesday court hearing in which a judge limited the prosecution’s use of several “hearsay” statements of the slain at trial, which may begin early next year.

Eric Hanson is accused of fatally beating his sister, Kate, and her husband, Jimmy Tsao, in late September 2005 and shooting his parents, Terrance and Mary Hanson, with whom he lived.

The defendant denies involvement in the quadruple homicide, which was discovered that Sept. 29 in the Tsaos’ home in Aurora’s White Eagle neighborhood.

Last month, DuPage Circuit Judge Robert Anderson ruled Hanson’s other sister, Jennifer Williams, may testify that Kate complained Eric threatened to kill her Aug. 13, 2005, if she told their father about the credit card fraud.

At issue Wednesday was whether similar so-called hearsay statements of the slain also are admissible.

Chiu-Ter Tsao told police his brother, Jimmy, loaned Eric Hanson money for about four years and suspected he had stolen several valuables.

In fact, the brother said Jimmy told him everyone in the family, including the defendant’s parents, thought he was stealing money and valuables, later selling them.

Chiu-Ter Tsao said Jimmy finally banned Eric Hanson from the home. Within one month of the murder, Chiu-Ter Tsao said Jimmy accused Hanson of stealing his garage-door opener. Jimmy retrieved it from Hanson’s car, the brother said.

Chiu-Ter Tsao also told police Jimmy complained Eric Hanson’s flagrant spending on electronics and gifts for his girlfriends and constant borrowing caused growing family fights.

The defendant’s cousin, Robert Stutelburg, told police he thought Hanson sounded “fake” and was “playing dumb” when he told him about the murders. Stutelburg said Eric Hanson had been “living large” and bragged about earning $18,000 a month at a mortgage company — which the cousin didn’t believe.

Stutelburg said Hanson had a long disdain for his sister, Kate, and also fought with his parents about money. The cousin said it was a running joke in their family that Hanson had anger-management problems.

Stutelburg characterized Eric Hanson as a habitual liar who lived by the motto deny, deny, deny.

Judge Anderson ruled Wednesday that only those relevant “hearsay” statements in which Chiu-Ter Tsao and Stutelburg have personal knowledge will be allowed at the trial.

For example, Stutelburg may testify about how he thinks Hanson reacted to news of the murders. Chiu-Ter Tsao cannot testify about the alleged theft of the garage-door opener.

Hanson is in court again July 20. He is being held in jail without bond and may face the death penalty if convicted of the murders.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What if we all met?

So here is my latest thought..what if people who I know through blogland met in person?? Would it be weird? I am talking about people whom you would never know anything about if it weren't for blogger or the internet?? I am thinking that yes, it would carry with it the awkwardness that you find yourself feeling on a first blind date with someone you have had several good phone conversations with. You know, where your feeling like, "He/She is the one for me! I just know this is it!" and then you meet and it all is a little less than it was? Or maybe it would be like finding that perfect person and you would just continue the connectedness and become fast friends in all worlds, not just internet related ones.

I am thinking about this because I find myself thinking and praying and mulling over alot of the words I read out there. One persons blog was accidentely deleted for awhile and I seriously felt sad thinking maybe she isn't blogging anymore. Its funny how your can feel for people you don't "know" but in all honesty, I think my blog readers get a more "real" sense of me than people who I see in the flesh and blood everyday!! Hmm, does this make sense to anyone? I want comments from all you "NON COMMENTING READERS!!

S

Father's Day

Happy Dad's Day! We spent the day with family.We went to church and then had everyone over for lunch/dinner. It was nice! Matthew and Jeff had fun playing outside while Caroline and I stayed in the cooler indoors! The weekend was a scorcher and pretty low key! We went over to a friends last night for dinner who had just moved back to town. Their house is new and in Richland in the middle of the country..very peaceful!

Friday I went out with some girlfriends for dessert at Fieldstone Grill..it was the most disgusting dessert I have ever had!! I couldn't even eat more than a bite..and I will eat about anything that is sweet! But, the company was great! This week is pretty low key. I may have a job interview at Babies R US. I should find out tommorrow..I am just trying to give it to God and let him make the call(not literally of course)..its always worked in the past:)

Here are some pics from today! I think I have this finally figured out!

S

PRAY!!

Two urgent prayer request

1. Little Cameron is having his spinal surgery today. Please keep him, mom Rory and dad Matt in your prayers. Especially through the weekend b/c he has to stay flat for 48 hours and he is 1!!! Us moms out there know how hard that can be!! Again his blog is www.cameronbriggs.blogspot.com !


2. My sister's house has sold!! Huge Praise as its been for sale for over 18 months and they have the inspection today at 4:30! Please pray that it would go through so they can begin to look for their own house and have all the stuff that they have had to keep in storage back and really start to settle into their town!

Thanks, have a good weekend! Happy Father's day!

S

Time for a deep one

Ok bloggers..its been awhile since I got deep. So here goes..no matter how much my kids drive me crazy, I love them with all my heart and soul and don't know how I ever lived in this world without them! No matter how much my husband can drive me crazy with his lack of being able to always say how he feels about me, pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom or ever do a household chore without nagging, I love him dearly and all he does to love and raise out children, support us, encourage me and lift me up. No matter how much I sometimes think my parents like to put in their two cents about everything..I love them and can't ever repay them for all the life lessons they have taught me. No matter how much my church "family" can tick me off or confuse me with their actions, I know that they are and would be there for me in any circumstance and that I am fed spiritually there. No matter how much I wish I could summon the willpower to get in shape, etc, I am so blessed to be able bodied and its my own fault that I am not..ouch!:(

I have been reading the "deeper" blogs tonight. The ones where people have truly experienced pain and suffering and immeasurable loss and am just feeling so humbled, convicted and blessed. I am feeling that my time with God has been neglected as of late and I pledge to right this. To stop blogging, not entirely, but to make my quiet times more of a priority than blogging and to stop watching tv and pick up God's word and get as much as I can of it...we all should yearn for this...right?!

Hmmm
S

Mowing the grass is for the birds!

I seriously stumble across pictures so randomly..I can spend an hour trying to find them and then they appear. This time they were in Shared docs!! I hope they are the ones I wanted. I wish I could see them all...so I could just click on them. I am sure there is a way!

Today was good! Matthew's behavior has been a lot better! We went to church for playgroup and to get the book we're reading ..The Red Tent. I read it years ago and loved it. I am excited to see what my friends think! I haven't read it in almost seven years so I am sure I will enjoy it too! Tommorrow Grandma is coming over so I can get my hair cut and Matthew is going over there at night for our small group! He will love his day..he is such a grandma's boy! Tonight I attempted to cut the grass..never again!! I made it only 7 rows and quit! It was not fun at all! Plus, I am allergic to grass so I am not sure what I was thinking. I think I was thinking I needed a break from the kids...not that bad!!:)

Please keep in your prayers a small job hunt I am currently in the midst of. A couple of things kind of popped up and if they work out great, if not, no biggie either.I really want to do what God would want me to do for my children, me and of course Jeff!

S

Uggh...and a prayers request? What kind of title is that?

I have to say that I am so fed up with the annoying comments people make. I was reading the most recent update by Shelly Buck on their website when I realized that people had been attacking her. She had expressed some valid frustrations and concerns and was just venting and all holy heck broke out in her comment and ENCOURAGMENT section. When I read comments like these people wrote it literally makes my blood boil. It is so not how Christians are suppose to be. I especially hate the cowardness people have in not signing their names. Please, if you have the audacity to criticize someone you should have enough respect for them to sign your name. Sometimes I wish you could enable a "YOUR RUDE so your no longer welcome here" screen in blogworld.

Obviously blogs are open for interpretation, but I really feel like people should remember that just because we're given glimpses into peoples lives doesn't mean we should feel free to negatively comment. Especially in regards to a women who is struggling to take care of her disabled husband and three kids, one whom is newborn!

Ok, I am switching topics entirely, my blood is again boiling! Please, please keep in your prayers little Cameron. I mentioned him several months ago, his blog is www.cameronbriggs.blogspot.com and he was born with dandy walker variant and is having spinal surgery on Friday for a tethered spinal cord!! Pass it on!!

S

Friends

I just came back from seeing a movie with some friends. We had such a good time. Its so nice to be around people who you can just feel comfortable with. Plus, a night away from the routines of bedtime is always a bonus too! It was so nice to be able to get to know people better and just laugh at the movie! I think we all need nights like that.

Caroline has a sinus infection, poor little girl. Matthew had a pretty good day behavior wise! Tommorrow were going to a friends house to swim. I have recruited my niece to come along to help "wrangle" Matthew! I am not taking him too many public places these days, its just too hard when he throws his tantrums. Its suppose to hot so swimming should be nice!

This weekend were going to a young adult bbq at church. It should be fun. The weather is suppose to be beautiful so we have that going for us! Hopefully lots of young adults are able to make it! Other than that just some weeding and cleaning..no fun!!

S

Its a shame

I have been reading the Hummel blog for sometime now. They had triplets about a month before Caroline was born, although sadly one of their sons went home to be with Jesus soon after birth. Anyways, I have found such inspiration through her words and their lives and faith. So, yesterday JoEllen had posted that she was changing her blog to private because there have been so many sicko stories of people doing scary things like kidnapping and creating blogs claiming the pics of others kids were their own. What has this world come to?? I am keeping my blog public, mostly b/c I am not a high profile one but if I was I would surely do this as well.

It really is a shame what this world is coming to! In other news, Matthew climbed out of his crib for the first time today. I was giving Caroline a bath and Matthew was creating much chaos so I plopped him in the crib and while I was changing Caroline into clothes, I hear these quiet little footsteps and then around the corner is Mr Man!! I swear, he is driving me crazy! We bought a crib tent b/c HE IS NOT GETTING OUT OF THE CRIB! But, I don't want him to break anything either! We have been having more and more problems with him lately. A little more than just the terrible two's so were getting him assessed to see if there is something that we could be doing to better help him control himself. On so many days, I feel like all I do is yell at him and sadly I am not enjoying him as much b/c he is so out of control. My pedetrician and speech therapist also thought it wasn't a bad idea. I have never been one to hide my head in the sand. I want him to be the best person God intends for him to be. I would do anything to have that happen. So,please keep us all in your prayers, that mommy and Matthew would just chill!!:)

S