NO MORE SHAKES!!

If I have to look at another protein shake I might die. Dramatic..a little maybe but I am really struggling lately. I want to be back in the world of real food. And, by real food I mean cottage cheese and baby meat sticks! That is what I am feining for people! One more week to go and I can't wait! So far I have lost 21 pounds which is great. I actually have more than three shirts to wear and I finally able to wear non maternity shirts. So, these moments make it bearable but just bearly:)
Christmas was so fun, Matthew and Caroline are loving their new toys. Our house looks like Toys R Us threw up all over it, but I can't seem to organize anything until after the Christmas stuff is put away,which won't be until after the New Year. My mom, bless her soul, is coming up to do a New Year's clean up! Yipee!
I have enjoyed Jeff being home emmensly! I am milking my recovery a little because it feels so glorious to sleep in a little and not be as much in charge of the kids meals, clothes, clean up, etc. But, tommorrow he goes back..reality! I think it will be nice to get back into a semi-routine although it will be short lived because on Saturday we head to Chicago to visit my parents and siblings who are in town. We haven't seen my brother since last Christmas so it will be nice. Praying people out there, pray that I will make it through this week with some santity.

S

I'll be home for Christmas

Well, after the last post my discomfort continued. To the point where I couldn't stand up straight and I was vomiting. So,I had to go back to the ER in Grand Rapids. Once there I spent five hours in the ER on stong IV pain meds and anti nausea meds. It seems that when they put me to sleep, the put my bowels to sleep too and they weren't cooperating with waking up. This caused extreme pressure and hence the nausea and pain. I was readmitted and treated until this am and released this afternoon. I feel a TON better. Still sore but not like I wish I hadn't done the procedure, which is how I was feeling Saturday night as I was driving with Jeff back to GR. When we arrived in the ER, there were various drunknen DUI arrests and other ER type clientel. I was in so much pain and in no mood to wait. I think they thought I had an attitude,which I did. I was irritated that the nurse kind of made me feel like I should go home when I knew my body was telling me not too. If I am ever in the hospital again,I will follow my instincts! We're spending a quiet Christmas Eve with the kids, I did manange to get the ham and potatoes in! And, tommorrow it will just be the four of us until later in the afternoon when Jeff's mom and Bert and Kim, Wes, Jessica and Allison will join us for presents and more food! Its not bothering me at all b/c I am not hungry. Sure, I kind of miss eating, but not as much as I thought!
While I was in the hospital the second time,I was on a floor with some pretty sick people. It made me so thankful for my good health and abundant blessings. Enjoy your blessings!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
S

Alive!

I am alive!! Incredibly gassy..but surviving none the less. I wanted to stay another night at the hospital but felt like they were trying to kick me out a little bit. The surgery went exceptionally well, no complications and all was smooth sailing. I have some pretty bad pain right now b/c there is so much gas from the procedure pumped in. That is actually why I am blogging, sitting up and moving around helps alot. I was able to have some liquid food again today. Sugar free Carnation instant breakfast...yucko! After 4 ozs I feel like I just had a turkey dinner with all the works. They want me to work up to 96ozs by Weds which seems nearly impossible. We will see! The nursing staff and doctors were wonderful at the hospital, except for the "hit the road" part. It is nice to be on my own couch too. Thanks for all the prayers! Please continue to pray that the gassy feeling would go away and that the kids wouldn't be too nuts for Jeff.
Thanks!
S

What if you die?

A friend of mine called to wish me well today...at least I think that was her intention. She started out ok then she wanted to talk to my mom who had just arrived in from Chicago. I could tell by what my mom was saying that my friend was worried. Then when I got back on the phone she said she was afraid something bad was going to happen. Now, I understand concerns like that because I am the queen of worse case scenerios. But, I don't think if I felt that way, I would call the person who was having surgery and say that. You have to keep in mind this same friend who when I was pregnant with Caroline told me babies die all the time before there born. Again, this may or may not be true..I don't care when I am pregnant!!
So then my sister called and I told her the story and she said "Gotta love $#%, she is always good for a pre surgery pick me up!" This made me laugh and not start to mentally freak out.
Truth be told I am a little scared...so if your reading this before 7:30 am Eastern time..pray for my peace of mind and oh yeah..that I don't die:) Assuming that dosen't happen I will be back for more blogging before Monday I am betting! Ooops, I am Wesleyan, I am not suppose to gamble:)
Have a good Friday!
S

Seriously...seriously!

Ok, this blog will be random. I just finished reading a story about how Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant at 16. Yes, she is Britany's sister. This type of story disgusts me. So, I will say no more about it.

Only one and 1/2 more days till the big day. I am getting scared a little now at least subconsciously. I have been having really weird dreams the last few nights. Last night I dreamnt that they went to far in with the scopes and severed my intestine and I bled out...nice huh! The night before that I dreamnt that I was never fully recovered and had to be re-hospitilized for months. The thing is I am not afraid. I trust my surgeon and I know he will pray with me before the procedure which is so nice. I am afraid that I will break down like a little baby. And, there is the fear of being intibated. I hope I don't wake up for the tube coming out part. That happened once and its not nice. I am glad I don't have to have a spinal for this procedure. I had one for Caroline's c section and I hated that feeling. I just want to take a nice little nap and wake up skinny:)
The diet is going well...but I am sick of it. I went through some old clothes last night that I had given up on ever wearing and it got me excited! I did come across a windbreaker that I have had since 1993, it might be time to goodwill that bad boy!
My mom comes tommorrow and then early am I am leaving for GR with Jeff while my mom stays with the kids. Keep the prayers coming! Thanks!
I'll update as soon as a can!
SUE

Just one more time...

I finally have figured it out..that is how I look at eating, not eating, overeating..etc. I will admit that after I got weighed on Friday that was my first thought, that I could have a few more "illegal"items before the surgery. I am sure many of you are thinking how could I think that? But if you think about how you eat and then its all suddenly taken away, it drastically changes your perspective. I was naughty on Friday and had some breadsticks and then on Sat I was very good at our monthly card game but still nibbled on green peppers(no dip) and sme crackers. Sunday I threw down the gauntlet once again and am on the strict liquid diet. I can't take the guilt and dissapointment I feel in myself. I do very much feel like this is going to have to be a new way of life for me if its going to be successful long term. Yes, at first I will lose weight pretty much without even thinking, but if I keep my old habits of just one more time I will eat this or that. I will end up back to where I am now. I have to say one of my main motivations is to be healthier but also to give a great big silent.."HA!!" to all those people out there, some of them even friends who love to tell the stories about the people they know who gained the weight back. I feel like saying, "Oh, thanks for that inspiring story and the support!" It really just adds fuel to my weight lose fire and when I think about cheating I think of the "told you so" people and put it right back where it belongs..not in my mouth!
I have a long list of things to do this week for the holidays. I have more presents to buy, finish wrapping, get the kids stuff ready for their various weekend outings. I decided to be a nice wife and went to Meijer and bought Jeff and Matthew some goodies for the holiday. I got a ham and things to make cheesy potatoes for Christmas Eve and then for Christmas morning they will have a breakfast casserole and sweet rolls. Matthew and Jeff love both of them! So, they shouldn't starve!
S

- 9.5 and other news about driving from Kzoo to GR

That is how much weight I have lost in the past week! Yippee! I was so happy to see that and the PA was pleased too. He told me of some patients who have these huge meals the day before surgery. I can't understand that..I mean we're talking about your life here! A week from now the surgery will be done. Yipee!
Tommorrow I am going with my friend Carrie to Josh and Shelly Buck's new property dedication. I am super excited for them! How nice it will be to have a real home to begin this new life they have bravely adapted to over the past almost year! Its back in GR and I am so happy I am not driving. I can't stand that drive..people drive like such IDIOTS! Thank goodness for my PRAY FOR JOSH sticker, its made me a better driver in so many ways. I am not sure if its from living in Chicago for 8 years but I am a very easily irritated driver. Yes, I will admit that my Christianity can go right out the window whilst driving. I have even been know to fly a certain bird, if you know what I mean!:( But, ever since I placed that sticker right smack dab in the center if my windshield I stop myself and think.." Nope, the PRAY FOR JOSH and the BIRD do not go hand and hand, cool it sister!" I am fond of the thumbs up to people who are intentionally irritiating me while driving,it totally throws them.
Caroline went back to the ped again...still has the infection so its tubeville for her. She goes for her consult on Thursday.
Have a good weekend!
S

More Jesus!

Matthew loves a good story. He is really into books and recently has started wanting to "read"them to himself. He is allowed to take a few books to bed with him and you can often find him thumbing through them late into the night..little stinker. Anyways, in the morning, he usually wakes up at 7:30, where as Caroline sleeps till 8, usually b/c she has been up at 4 for a bottle, but that is a post for another time:) We have "snuggle"time for about 15 minutes and Matthew usually takes this time to ask me questions. The usually ones are

Where Daddy go?
Me go downstairs?
Me wake Anna up?
Wheres my pacies?
But recently, I have been taking this special time when its just Matthew and me to tell him about the real reason we celebrate Christmas. A friend of mine and I were talking about how its really easy when your kids are little to get too sucked up into the "Santa"thing. Matthew definetly has been sucked in! We even have an elf, whose name is "Neil" who magically goes to the North Pole everynight to report on Matthew's behavior. Its a cute tradition based on a book called "ELF ON A SHELF" Matthew even picked the name Neil all by himself, which I found hysterical being its not a very common name nor do we know anyone named Neil! So here I am telling Matthew about God and choosing Mary and her and Joseph's travels to Bethelem. Then about the innkeeper and so on.. He was intrigued to say the least. He kept saying "More Jesus, more Jesus!" Its moments like that when I just want to freeze frame him right there in that moment, wanting nothing more than to learn about Jesus. Although he's not convinced on the whole heaven thing. I was trying to explain it in 2.5 year old terms and he said, "Me can't go to heaven, me sick, have a frog in my throat" Thats ok little buddy..as far as I am concerned heaven can have you in 100 years!
In other kid news, Caroline is STILL fighting the ear infections. She is now on antibiodic shots for the next three days and will be going to the ENT! Please pray this clears so she will be 100% for daddy next week during surgery/recovery!
Here are some Simpson Christmas decoration pics !
S

Take that temptation!

Be gone Satan! That is what my mom and I say when we see some food or treat that we want to eat but know we shouldn't. Well, all morning I was thinking that! It was our last MOPS meeting for the year. Since I am in charge of all of the volunteer workers, I organize all the moms bringing in cookies that we then divide up and give as a thank you. So, after 5 days of not really eating, I had that task before me. How did it go? FINE! Praise God! I have to say that its getting easier, especially with the sweets. I really tend to crave the salty, cracker types of things right now. I didn't even cheat and nibble anything! Yeah me:) Who would of thought I could muster some self control. Thanks for the prayers...keep em coming!
S

I miss chewing..

I am sure all those loyal readers out there in blogger land will soon tire of my "liquid diet" rants. I am blogging right now b/c Jeff and Matthew are eating dinner and I think I am in full fledge carb withdrawel. I miss chewing food but I have many more moons before I will chew again. Even after the surgery, its really liquid only, no bars or their version of "spaghetti" for 2 weeks and then around Jan 7th I will be able to start real food again. Its defintely increasing my faith. Each time I feel like I am going to crack I just keep saying to myself.."I can do all things through Christ, all things, all things..ALL THINGS!" I have to say even in these first few days I feel much healthier already. I usually get stomach upset from coffee and from eating crappy these past "last" weeks I had a lot of indegestion. I have had absolutely none since Sat. That is nice.
I have found some solace in decaf tea too. I actually think I prefer it to coffee.
I am just praying that I can enjoy my week, not fixate too much on this part and just keep my eye on the prize.
Later...
S

Migraines

I haven't had a migraine in about 8 years. The last time I had one was when I was working as a victim witness assistant for the State's Atty's office in Chicago and was dealing with horribly tragic events on a daily basis and an awful work enviornment. But, this morning around 3:30 am I was awoken to such a brutal headache I thought I was going to die. Well, that might be a bit of an exageration. It felt like a vice was aroung my head and that I was going to throw up every five minutes. Thank goodness it was Sunday. Jeff got up with the kids and I slept till 9 then I attempted going back downstairs but the light of day in combination with the kids squeals soon forced me back to a somewhat darken bedroom where I slept for another 2hours with an ice pack on my eyes. I took some medicine too which seemed to help alot.I am feeling much better now just a small headache.
The diet is going ok today. Whenever I start to feel bad for myself I just give my self a stern talking to. Two weeks on an 800 calorie diet isn't going to kill me. Not sticking to it could! Pretty simple!
I think its time for a protein drink...yummy!
S

14 Days

Its going to be a long 14 days on this diet. Thank goodness for FAITH and FRIENDS! Today I went to Grand Rapids with some friends to go Christmas shopping. We went to TGI Friday's for lunch. I made it through, but I can tell you I am not going to anymore resturants until post surgery. Its tough right now b/c I am really hungry and haven't hard core dieted in awhile so my self control is way out of practice! Shame! Shame!!
I thought I would blog awhile to take my mind off it! It was nice seeing lots of clothes I eagerly look forward to wearing soon! MOTIVATION at its BEST!
Have a good rest of your weekend!
S

Say a prayer for me!

This is Caroline's request via mommy. I took her back again to the ped and her ears are no better. In spite of being on a new round of antibiodics, they just don't want to clear up! They switched her meds again and if that doesn't work she will have to go to the ENT for a tube consultation. Matthew got tubes in when he was 11 months and it honestly was the best thing for him. He is markedly healthier now. I just feel so bad for my little sweetie being sick for almost 2 months now. She cracks me up though because despite being sick she managed to gobble down an entire cheesburger and fries! She has such an appetite always!

Tommorrow I go to GR for a pre op appointment and Saturday the dreaded LIQUID DIET begins! I am going out with Jeff to his office work party and then out with some neighbors after that which should be a lot of fun. Saturday, me and a few friends are going shopping to GR. My plan is to get all my Christmas shopping done. I am running out of time!

S

Back in 2007

I finally downloaded some current day pics from Thanksgiving till now. Today while Caroline took her am nap, Matthew and I went out in the snow. He loved it! He bawled when I finally had to fling him over my back like a sack of potatoes whaling! Caroline has reached the age of getting into everything! I think she may be giving me more of a run for my money than Matthew did at her age!!
S

Pictures from the past...

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Yesterday we got CD rom with all sorts of Jeff's dad and his side of the family from way back in the day. For those of you who read my blog but don't really know me, Jeff's dad died when he was eleven from a heart attack. Jeff has some memories but his memory generally stinks! I guess that is one area where we complement each other b/c I have a memory like an elephant! People are often amazed at my ability to recall even the most random details.
Anyways, its so neat to look back at pictures of Roger,Jeff's dad, his mom and dad and siblings. Its so surreal to think that my children are a part of the people in those pictures. I am collecting several pictures from both my side and Jeff's for a "Family Wall" which will be displayed in my living room ...sometime!
So here are a few pics..don't you think its uncanny how much Jeff looks like his dad!! I should scan his senior picture..its almost too much how closely they resemble one another!

UE

The Christmas without any food...

Remember that book, "The Christmas without any Santa Clause" or was it a movie? Anyways, I think I have finally discovered what I has been making me a little edgy, besides the kids, etc. I think that due to the circumstances of my surgery and its date I am already mourning the food that one traditionally celebrates with. In my family, it was a Italian spaghetti dinner on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas day a roast beef dinner with all the fixins. My mom abandons all dieting attempts during the week of Christmas and goes all out with cookies, fudge, chex mix, etc. Then there is all the parties from here until the 21st...TEMPTATION at its greatest, in my world anyhow.
So, I have been contemplating my addiction to food,which I think I can finally admit that I have. Its really COULD be hard, but I am really going to RELY on GOD to get me through this. If GOD helps people through losing jobs, homes, ability to walk, loss of spouses and children He surely can help me CONTROL myself and adhere to the yucko liquid diet. I am actually looking forward,a little bit, to enjoying the people, the stories and the meaning of the Christmas season. Tonight, as I decorated my tree and saw Matthew's excitment it served as a reminder that those memories that we're creating are so much more meaningful than any special food. When I took my special ornaments out of their respective boxes, the memories they stirred had nothing at all to do with eating. They represented people and places and stages in my life. I think I need a blender ornament for this year!!
Happy Festivus!(That is what my mom and I call it during decorating time!)
S

Ear infections

Caroline is still not recovered from her ear infections. She is on a new antibiodic so hopefully that helps. We had to work in the nursery today at church and she was freaking out. I finally just had Jeff take her to the car while I waited for people to come get their kids. Here is a pet peeve of mine, if you have a child in the nursery, COME GET THEM RIGHT AFTER CHURCH! I don't think its my responsibility to watch kids while thier parents socialize. Finally, I had to go get one of the people in the nursery who was in charge to tell her that I was leaving so they needed to find the parents ASAP. I have been so moody, on the edge, etc lately. I am not sure what is going on but I am a little more than sick of myself.
Next Sunday I start my liquid diet for two weeks for the surgery, which I am sure won't do anything for my moods! I think I am going to try and take B complex vitamin. My sister said they help alot with that type of thing!
Not much else to report..Sam's club beckons...
S