Spoke too soon

Well, I should have known when I titled my blog not much going on that would send things into a tailspin. Not really a tailspin exactly , but my mom called and they are admitting her to the hospital tommorrow for three days of inpatient treatment for her dermamyotitis. She is very discouraged. I am prayerful and hopeful that this will kick it out of her system so she feels better!

S

not much going on

Hello
Just hanging out today..watching one of the neighbor girls, Matthew's little girlfriend Makenna. They moved here from Grand Rapids and their dentist is still in Jenison so she is hanging out here. We went grocery shopping today and Matthew took the pastic bag with a green and red pepper and took a huge bite out of it..right through the plastic..he is so naughty but cute. At least its green peppers though!

Caroline has had a temp for the last few days but today she seems on the mend. I am working on my MOPS stuff and am feeling very overwhelmed with all that needs to be done to have people there to watch the kids! Hopefully it will all come together!

S

All is well!

Caroline's eyes are fine!! Amen!! Amen! AMEN! Poor little baby had to have her eyes dialated and I totally had to pin her little arms and head down and he did have to do some searching but all looks fine ! I of course had several questions and he was pretty blatant and said" I am checking her retinas for retinablastoma" to which I said" I know, I googled it" He was very interested in what I found on the internet about it because he said alot of parents don't know about it and they really should be aware of the warning signs. The biggest one being, a white reflection in their eyes instead of red eye! So, you know I will be loving my red eye pics of my little girl!

This weekend while I pondered what I would do if it indeed was something serious. I felt like I was thinking alot about how I feel about God right now, in these moments of our lives. I completely believe and love Him but and I know this will sound bad, I don't trust Him. Now this isn't to say I don't trust His plan is best..it is, but I don't think it ever makes sense. It seems like you have to wait on Him and his timing is too much to take sometimes. I want him to Fix things always. I always want people to be able to write ALL IS WELL. I want people to pray for things to happen and they magically become God's will. I want him to put a invisible barrier around those people whom I know have suffered enough and be guarenteed that no harm will come to them anymore. Its like lately I am thinking, "Come on God...enough already!!" then I feel really bad because the people who could be saying these things don't. They remain steadfast in their trust and praise of the Lord. I think if God was reading my blog he would read that last sentence and say only one word.."Exactly!"

I am so grateful that my sweet little girl's eyes are gine. I am so happy to have a little boy who is so full of energy but still can know mommy is getting mad and lay down and take a nap in his big boy bed! And, because of these things I can give back, do more, devote more time to Bible reading, praying and spreading the Word to those who don't know Him and the peace, that I felt even when I was doubting this weekend that only comes through those who know Him.

Please continue to pray for my mom, her muscles are still really bad, she is having a muscle biopsy this week and may have to go into the hospital for more vigorous treatments!

S

Never google anything medical!

That is my advice to you parents out there! Of course after coming home from the doctor yesterday as soon as the kids went down I googled "no red eye reflex"..HUGE mistake! Of course there is nothing good that can come of that. It was all bad stuff..from cateracts to glaucoma to cancer. Then I was obsessing over every picture I have of Caroline checking for red eye. I do see it but it does look a little odd in some pictures. So, I tetered between being calm to really being worried and upset. Thankfully, Jeff came home a little early and his attitude always helps me calm down. He is like, "Why worry until you need to" Where I am always worst case scenario right away! Then this morning, I called the nurse to ask if the dr had seen a mass, would she have told me and in the middle of talking I just started bawling. I think it really had more to do with the combo of my mom's health and then this that sent me into becoming a blubbering mess. The nurse was so nice. She was like, "Oh you poor thing, its ok" and she reassured me that yes, that if she thought it was that she would have told me. But, I am still not completly convinced b/c of the urgency of me scheduling it. After a good cry, I have been fine all day. My sister and her kids stopped by on there way back from Detroit to Wisconsin and there is nothing like a sister to reassure you that all is well. This weekend should keep us busy. We are watching our friends little boy for the morning tommorrow and we have neighborhood euchre tommorrow night, church on Sunday and then I am taking my niece Jessica to the mall to buy makeup for her senior pics! I can't believe she is a senior! I love doing makeup so it should be fun! I will update Monday after the apt!

SUE

Caroline

Well, its never a dull moment in the Simpson household! I took Caroline for her nine month checkup today. Everything was going well until they checked her eyes and couldn't see the red eye reflex. So, she said that I need to take her to an opthamologist and within the week. The doctor they wanted to send me to was unavailable until August 6th when we will be in South Haven on vacation plus I can't stand to wait that long..I am so worried something is really wrong. Even though so many people are saying its probably nothing! Of course I googled it and now I am freaking out that its something really bad! Hopefully, she just couldn't see it b/c she is such a wiggle worm! The doctor we saw is very cautious..so I am just thinking that is all there is to it. But, in light of all my mom has been through lately, I can take any more what ifs! So, her apt is Monday at 11...please pray that we find out all is well with our little sweetie!

S

Mommy has no emeregency reaction skills

Yesterday we were at our friends in laws cottage on Gun Lake. Matthew loves it there. He usually wears this little life vest/swimsuit but at one point yesterday he didn't have it on b/c he was suppose to be napping but climbed out of the pack and play and I just had brought him back down to the lake. Anyways, he was toddling around, right near me when all of a sudden he went up in that horrid child drowning pose. Face in the water, arms and legs out. But, the thing is that he does that all the time in the bath so I just said, "Matthew stop it" but my neighbor went barreling over and grabbed him up. He had to have been holding his breath, b/c he wasn't choking or anything. I am sure that they all think I am a horrible mom though. Plus, he got a little sunburn on his nose so Jeff is claiming I am a bad mom:)

When we got home he crawled out of his crib twice! Finally, after threats that we would take his pacies away, he stayed in! But, we think a big boy bed may be needed. We are going on our annual South Haven trip in a week and he won't stay in the pack and play anymore..he is just too big. So we may just have to take everything out of his room, and try the bed! We may just have to pad the walls...just kidding..sort of:)

Pictures

Here are some pictures from the other day, Matthew was playing outside with Daddy and he was giving him his first accounting lesson I guess..hence the debit and credit chalk drawing. I was laughing so hard when I saw it b/c only Jeff would think of that to write! I know he is scared that our kids inherited my bad math genes! There are also some party pics from my mom's bday! Also, some pics of Matthew looking so much like a little mini me of Jeff cutting the grass, same form and everything!!

S

Party Success

Well, we successful surprised mom for her birthday party! It went very smoothly and it was very fun. It was awesome seeing friends and especially family that we never see!! My mom wasn't 100% herself, but I think the party was a much needed distraction from all that has gone on this summer! She had her MRI on Friday and it came back inconclusive so she has to have an U/S tommorrow. If that is inconclusive they will just rescan her in 3 months! Please pray that it is conclusive and that its definetly ruled out as not cancer. She is on a pretty high dose of steroids but hasn't felt any difference yet, however its only been 3 days. I have to say that I just want it to be over or just know if its something bad like cancer. Not knowing is the worst.

My aunt and uncle are staying for a few days with my parents and I think this couldn't have come at a better time. It will serve as more of a distraction and she has no choice in it which at this point is what she needs. She has really been in a serious funk. I had a good chat with my dad about it on Friday and he really helped put me in a better place about it. Its just that I miss my mom...she seems not like herself at all. So, please pray for her health both physically, emotionally and spiritually!

Thanks
S

Mom update 2

Well, my mom had her apt with the rheumatologist today and she thinks my mom does have dermatomyostis. Its a chronic connective tissue disease. She still has to have the MRI on her liver to make sure she only has the hamangeoma but she is pretty sure that is what it is. She will have to be on a relatively high does of steriods for the next month, that will hopefully help with her rash and muscle weakness which is getting bad again. I am in awe really that she is still doing as much as she is with her CPK so high. Some people would have gone into renal failure and she was still walking an hour and a half each day at its peak..she is one tough cookie! Her spirits seemed better today. I asked her if she felt better knowing what she had and she said yes and she just sounded better than she has in a long time. She has seemed really down. But , I think that is because she has been feeling super crappy and weak and hasn't felt like she could admit it!

Obviously we would wish that she wouldn't have anything chronic wrong with her and we don't want her to develop any of the scary things that can occur with dermatomyostis but she is confident in her doctor and of God to see her through it all!
I am more excited now for the party! I think she will be really touched by it! I will update Sunday on how it all went down! Have an amazing weekend!

S

Suddenly blogland is very, very small!

So, I came down this morning with Matthew to play and check my email/blogs and to my surprise I found I had another comment from yesterday's post. But to my shock and horror the comment was from the one, the only....JASON GEHOSKI! Yes, the same Jason Gehoski who I had the crush on, wrote a fake letter about, etc! I was on the phone with someone at the time and I really think I sounded like such an idiot I was in such shock! Its too funny really! He just stumbled across it while looking for something else. I sent him an email apologizing..he claims its not mortifying..I beg to differ:) So, so funny! When I called Jeff and told him he was laughing so hard I thought he might pass out! I also called a couple of my high school friends who were like..."This could only happen to you!"

So, let the lesson be learned...be careful what you write or you could find yourself with a comment from your old crush!!:)

S

My kids in a nut shell

I was seeing on someone else's blog that they had a pic of their kids and a little update. Since I am failing miserably at keeping their scrapbooks or calendars up I think I am going to steal this idea!


Matthew: he is all boy, all movement, all the time!! He has a very curious spirit and loves to explore. He loves his daddy (and mommy) and especially his sister whom he calls "Anna". He loves to kiss her and sometimes he plays a little too rough and tries to sneak attack steam roll her. :( He loves going to church once we are there! When we drive up however he says "No, no!" I think he know mommy and daddy won't be with him! But, he has learn so much about God there and loves to pray. He is always remember Grandma..who he is obsessed with! He has a very special relationship with her!

He remains a great eater! His favorites are Cheese, apple juice, bean burritos, apples and of course chocolate!! This kid is obsessed with chocolate anything ...epecially ice cream!
His speech skills are really flourshing since starting speech therapy last January with his beloved Miss Karla! He loves her so much and is so excited to see her! He loves to say "In there" Me daddy do it, me daddy no bye bye, and pass for pacifier although through his lisp it sounds like he is swearing and we have gotten some looks!! He loves playing with our neighbors little girls, Avery and Makenna whom he calls "Me Guys":) All in all Matthew is a sweet little boy, who loves to read books at night with mommy and snuggle. He is wild and crazy and can really wear us out but we love him all the more!

CAROLINE.

Caroline is nine months old and such a sweetie! Its hard to believe she is the same baby who was so colicky only a few short months ago! She is light years ahead of her brother in the physical development as she was crawling at 7 months and pulling herself up at 8! She doesn't seem all that interested in walking right now! She loves to eat and I think if I let her, she would eat only real food. She loves fruit and veggie puffs! She is content almost always unless she is tired or hungry. She is a decent sleeper..finally sleeping through the night as of last week. She goes down at 6 and sleeps until 6:30 or 7am!! She is in love with her big brother and is very sympathetic to mommy and daddy when they have to deal with his crazy antics! She has been very healthy since her RSV this winter. Only occasional sniffles !She is a precious sweetie!

Pictures will follow...
S

Mom update

Well, the doctor called today with my mom's CT results. Its not horrible but it wasn't the "all checked out perfectly" like we hoped. It turns out that she has some nodules on her lungs, apparently its pretty common and they just recommend her being checked in like 6 months. They also found a spot on her liver, not a mass, but more like a growth. They think its called a hamangeoma sp? which isn't that big of a deal either but her doc wants her to have a MRI to make sure. So, we still don't really know much more. Her rash and muscle weakness are still there too. She goes in on Thursday to talk about treating that. I feel so bad for her b/c I know she isn't letting it all out. She is being a mom and trying to protect us. I have to say I can't stand it. I am afraid. I know God will help me through anything but I don't want him to help me through my mom being sick. I have said it before, I am afraid of having a "story". I feel so much like a just couldn't handle that. Unfortnately, that isn't the way the world or God works...darn!! So, I go between crying and praying to just feeling normal and praying. I am grateful that in relative terms its not bad news. I mean, they could have called and said.."You have stage four liver cancer" They didn't...she really for all intensive purposes will be fine. I want gurantees..I always have..I am living in the wrong world for that..good thing I believe in a God who is does guarentee that no matter what we endure in this one. ..a wonderful eternal life awaits and there are no CT scans or cancer there!!

S

Night away

Jeff and I are back from our day and night away. It was nice, the weather ended up being great even though it rained the whole way up there. It was great to see some friends we haven't seen in awhile either. The hotel we stayed at had the worst beds imaginable but I didn't hear anyone saying "Mama " at 6 am so I will take it!!:)

On our way up we stopped in Midland and I have to say I was a little sad and disappointed. I think I may have been thinking of it a little idylitically. sp? I so enjoyed growing up there, but it doesn't feel or look like home to me anymore like it did for so long. Oh no, maybe I have really grown up?! Sometimes I feel like I am still 15 but yesterday I have to say I very much felt like 32 year old who likes her life!! Maybe I just didn't notice the same things last time I was there? Who knows and really..who cares??

So this week is just getting ready for my mom's party and she finds out the results of her tests. I am praying that it all goes great and she gets some positive answers and then we can have a fantastic celebration next Saturday!

S

Family Camp fun

Just so you all know..yesterday I had an entire blog entry done and accidently deleted it....arrgh! Anyways, yesterday was a wonderful day for us..Matthew, Caroline and I went up to our church's family camp for the day. Kim and Wes are up there and we went swimming and just hung out. Matthew absolutely loved it!! He was very good!! One thing that made a huge difference was a HARNESS! Our friends lent it to us and its a LIFESAVER! If you have an escape artist child I highly reccomend it ! We stayed almost the entire day. Caroline was a little angel and slept in her stroller while Matthew and Kim and I explored camp. Matthew got a treat from the snack shop and we also road around in another friend's golfcart. He fell asleep as soon as he got in the car!

Today we had a playdate with our buddies Lauren and Jonah (and Carrie too!:) The kids had fun playing outside. He just went down for an early nap b/c he is pretty wiped out from yesterday and then he didn't fall asleep until almost 10pm last night. I think it being light out so late makes it difficult for him. I am very much looking forward to this weekend. Tonight I have a baby shower for a friend with a Hawain theme, should be fun! Then tommorrow Jeff and I are going to a wedding for a high school buddy of Jeff's. Many of our friends are also going to it and the best part is we are spending the night..so we get to sleep in!! We are also going to visit my hometown of Midland! I know Jeff is excited for that..not!:)

Still no word on my mom's CT scan...so keep praying!!

S

Caroline got her bangs cut today! Her hair was driving me crazy because her bangs were like 4 inches longer than the rest of her hair! I think it looks really cute and now I don't always have to have a bow in! But, I can still use on which is nice because she looks so cute in them! She looks older with her hair like this!

I have more to post but will have to do it later...dinner time! I think the way I am uploading is not the quickest..I am so bad at this..I need take a class!

S

Why can't I put titles on?? I don't know?! Anyways, here is the link to my friend's dads page...please pray for him he isn't doing well! www.caringbridge.org/visit/andydevries

Thanks!

S

Hmmm...for some reason it won't let me title this..??? Anyways, if it had one it would be "Paniced and Praying" My mom has had a medical crisis of sorts and I am asking for blogger prayers please. It all started about a month ago..she started having muscle fatigue which got progressively worse. Her family doctor kind of dropped the ball so my mom, being a nurse, took herself off her Zocor(a staten prescribed for cholesterol)and then her Dr drew blood and found that her cpk levels(this is a muscle enzyme that is excreted in the blood when muscles are damaged) was astronomically high. She then developed a rash on her face and upper body. She has been to the dermatologist(sp?) and its not a disease called dermomytosis which is an autoimmune disease, in fact her blood work came back as negative for autoimmune antibodies which is a huge praise! Anyways, her cpk levels continues to decrease and her muscle fatigue is almost gone. But, on Thrusday they are having her get a CAT scan to make sure she doesn't have what we all dread..Cancer! I am optomistic that everything will be fine, as her levels are tappering..but it still freaks me out. Plus, I know she is driving herself crazy with worry. She hasn't been herself in weeks and its so hard for everyone. Especially in light of her birthday coming up! I try and remain postive and just keep reminding myself that with God we can handle anything. But, I am all too aware that my faith certainly gets me no free rides, on the contrary if anything. I am just praying for the best and believing it will be at this point!

So, please pray that all scans come out normal and that they can figure out what exactly caused the muscle, cpk, rash stuff and how to make it go away! I am pretty sure noone reads this that knows my mom personally, but if you do...please don't ask my mom about it..she might not want everyone to know..but I defintely want everyone praying...many thanks!

S

Crazy man loose in Hardings!

Ok..Matthew is either going to kill me with his recklessness/insane behavior or drive me to become a heavy drinker by noon! We tried again, to go to the Farmers Market. It was closed..this is the second time this has happened to me. I have no idea why..they are suppose to be open Thur,Fri and Sat! So, then I took him and Caroline to the Hardings by our house to pick up a few things. Now, for the record I will say that I was thinking.."Don't do it. Just take him home and leave him with Jamie", (our neighbor next door who Matthew adores). Well, I didn't listen and went in and in the time it took for me to let go of his little hand to put Caroline in the cart..he sprinted off through the stock room. So I am left saying.."Matthew, Matthew" and not sure what the heck I am to do with Caroline who is sitting calmly in the cart looking at me as if to say.."Again?!" Then of course it took like five people and almost five minutes to find him. I was a little panicky but no massive freak outs like the neighborhood missing Matthew incident. I think as it happens more and more I am becoming desensitized!
Finally, a bagger said,"Miss does your little boy have blond hair and is he wearing a CUBS shirt?"
"Yes" "
"He is the in the produce section."
There he was clear across the store, holding a green pepper as if to say"Look mom, veggies for you."
He then saw my face and was aware he was in trouble and started to cry. It really is a good thing he is so cute!

I should have a caringpage link to my friend Jamie's dad, Andy who I asked for prayer for yesterday. He is doing better but keep those prayers coming! Also, my friend had her baby! Ava Catherine was born on Monday! She does have some pretty signifigant jandice so they are keeping her a little longer but other than that all is well! Thank you God! What a blessing!

I miss comments. I was doing so good for awhile! Where did all the people go?

S

the 4th and more

Happy Belated 4th! The Simpsons had a fine time of Americana fun. We started Tuesday night decorating Matt's wagon for the neighborhood parade. Actually, he watched mommy decorate his wagon! Jeff took him while I stayed back with a sleeping Caroline. It was hysterical watching them come by b/c it was more like a marathon than a parade..when Jeff got home he was drenced in sweat! Then we went to Schoolcraft with Kim,Wes and Allison and our friends the Evans. That parade was a little bit of a snooze but Matthew was pretty good. We went home afterwards where the entire family went down for a nap and then headed to a bbq across the street. Matthew LOVED every minute of it..running around playing with the big kids! He made daddy fish out balls of the neighboors perenial garden and there was a weed in there called "needles" and the title pretty much tells you what coming in contact with it feels like. So, his whole right leg was burning and he had to go home and shower and put some Bendryl on it. Poor baby!:( Finally, Jeff and Matthew topped off the night with fireworks! Jeff said they kind of stunk, but Matthew enjoyed himself! He went to bed at 11:00 which is I think the latest that child has ever seen. He slept in a bit..8am and has been in pretty good spirits so far!

Please keep my friend Jamie's dad in your prayers. His name is Andrew..he had a liver transplant in the fall and had three hernias that where the size of cantalope removed on Monday in Indy. He is doing well, but has a slight fever and isn't able to eat so its slowing down the whole process of recovery and getting him home to GR! Please pray for the families peace and reassurance too!

S

The movie wasn't worth $8!

That is how I feel about EVENING..with Claire Danes, Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, etc. It was definetly what I like to call a "rental". THat is how my mom and I catergorize movies better left to wait and see once they are out at Blockbusters. It was still nice to get out and do something by myself..I love seeing movies by myself.

We had a nice weekend. Friday night I saw the movie, Saturday we cleaned and did some yard work and had some friends over for dinner. I am trying to do that more. I sometimes want to invite everyone over but have decided to have just one couple at a time so we can get to know some of our newer friends better. Plus, then its not so crazy. Today we went to church where I felt so tired! I could barely keep my eyes open! So, while Matt and Caroline were napping, Jeff and I took a snooze on the couch..for like 15 minutes till Caroline woke up! I swear that child has a "my mom is sleeping comfortably..I think I will wake up"radar!:)

Please keep my friend Catherine in your prayers. She is the one who had the still born in March of 06 and she is being induced tommorrow. They are taking the baby, a girl who will be named Ava 3 weeks early because their daughter Avery, died at 38 weeks and they have no idea why. Pray specifically that her lungs would be fully developed and all would go perfectly!

My siblings and I compiled a list of things we learned about my mom for her birthday. We had it framed at Michaels...I thought it was a good list of things for the younger moms out there in blogland to aspire to teach their children. I will feel so blessed if Matt and Caroline feel they have learned these too from me!

No matter how old you are you should ALWAYS listen to the good angel on your shoulder.
Doing the BEST you can is all you can ask for.
Be HUMBLE.
The importance of LISTENING.
Life is an ADVENTURE so enjoy it.
Never lose FAITH in God, your family or most importantly, yourself.
Always be LOYAL to your family.
TRADITION in your family is important. Whether it's a special dish at a holiday meal or a certain song you sing to your children every night before they go to bed, keep tradition alive.
GOOD MANNERS go a long way in life. Comportment is a reflection of the way you were raised.
GIVE FREELY of your time, talent or financial means.

Have a good week! Happy 4th!
S