Thursday, December 27, 2007


If I have to look at another protein shake I might die. Dramatic..a little maybe but I am really struggling lately. I want to be back in the world of real food. And, by real food I mean cottage cheese and baby meat sticks! That is what I am feining for people! One more week to go and I can't wait! So far I have lost 21 pounds which is great. I actually have more than three shirts to wear and I finally able to wear non maternity shirts. So, these moments make it bearable but just bearly:)
Christmas was so fun, Matthew and Caroline are loving their new toys. Our house looks like Toys R Us threw up all over it, but I can't seem to organize anything until after the Christmas stuff is put away,which won't be until after the New Year. My mom, bless her soul, is coming up to do a New Year's clean up! Yipee!
I have enjoyed Jeff being home emmensly! I am milking my recovery a little because it feels so glorious to sleep in a little and not be as much in charge of the kids meals, clothes, clean up, etc. But, tommorrow he goes back..reality! I think it will be nice to get back into a semi-routine although it will be short lived because on Saturday we head to Chicago to visit my parents and siblings who are in town. We haven't seen my brother since last Christmas so it will be nice. Praying people out there, pray that I will make it through this week with some santity.


Monday, December 24, 2007

I'll be home for Christmas

Well, after the last post my discomfort continued. To the point where I couldn't stand up straight and I was vomiting. So,I had to go back to the ER in Grand Rapids. Once there I spent five hours in the ER on stong IV pain meds and anti nausea meds. It seems that when they put me to sleep, the put my bowels to sleep too and they weren't cooperating with waking up. This caused extreme pressure and hence the nausea and pain. I was readmitted and treated until this am and released this afternoon. I feel a TON better. Still sore but not like I wish I hadn't done the procedure, which is how I was feeling Saturday night as I was driving with Jeff back to GR. When we arrived in the ER, there were various drunknen DUI arrests and other ER type clientel. I was in so much pain and in no mood to wait. I think they thought I had an attitude,which I did. I was irritated that the nurse kind of made me feel like I should go home when I knew my body was telling me not too. If I am ever in the hospital again,I will follow my instincts! We're spending a quiet Christmas Eve with the kids, I did manange to get the ham and potatoes in! And, tommorrow it will just be the four of us until later in the afternoon when Jeff's mom and Bert and Kim, Wes, Jessica and Allison will join us for presents and more food! Its not bothering me at all b/c I am not hungry. Sure, I kind of miss eating, but not as much as I thought!
While I was in the hospital the second time,I was on a floor with some pretty sick people. It made me so thankful for my good health and abundant blessings. Enjoy your blessings!!

Saturday, December 22, 2007


I am alive!! Incredibly gassy..but surviving none the less. I wanted to stay another night at the hospital but felt like they were trying to kick me out a little bit. The surgery went exceptionally well, no complications and all was smooth sailing. I have some pretty bad pain right now b/c there is so much gas from the procedure pumped in. That is actually why I am blogging, sitting up and moving around helps alot. I was able to have some liquid food again today. Sugar free Carnation instant breakfast...yucko! After 4 ozs I feel like I just had a turkey dinner with all the works. They want me to work up to 96ozs by Weds which seems nearly impossible. We will see! The nursing staff and doctors were wonderful at the hospital, except for the "hit the road" part. It is nice to be on my own couch too. Thanks for all the prayers! Please continue to pray that the gassy feeling would go away and that the kids wouldn't be too nuts for Jeff.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

What if you die?

A friend of mine called to wish me well least I think that was her intention. She started out ok then she wanted to talk to my mom who had just arrived in from Chicago. I could tell by what my mom was saying that my friend was worried. Then when I got back on the phone she said she was afraid something bad was going to happen. Now, I understand concerns like that because I am the queen of worse case scenerios. But, I don't think if I felt that way, I would call the person who was having surgery and say that. You have to keep in mind this same friend who when I was pregnant with Caroline told me babies die all the time before there born. Again, this may or may not be true..I don't care when I am pregnant!!
So then my sister called and I told her the story and she said "Gotta love $#%, she is always good for a pre surgery pick me up!" This made me laugh and not start to mentally freak out.
Truth be told I am a little if your reading this before 7:30 am Eastern time..pray for my peace of mind and oh yeah..that I don't die:) Assuming that dosen't happen I will be back for more blogging before Monday I am betting! Ooops, I am Wesleyan, I am not suppose to gamble:)
Have a good Friday!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Ok, this blog will be random. I just finished reading a story about how Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant at 16. Yes, she is Britany's sister. This type of story disgusts me. So, I will say no more about it.

Only one and 1/2 more days till the big day. I am getting scared a little now at least subconsciously. I have been having really weird dreams the last few nights. Last night I dreamnt that they went to far in with the scopes and severed my intestine and I bled out...nice huh! The night before that I dreamnt that I was never fully recovered and had to be re-hospitilized for months. The thing is I am not afraid. I trust my surgeon and I know he will pray with me before the procedure which is so nice. I am afraid that I will break down like a little baby. And, there is the fear of being intibated. I hope I don't wake up for the tube coming out part. That happened once and its not nice. I am glad I don't have to have a spinal for this procedure. I had one for Caroline's c section and I hated that feeling. I just want to take a nice little nap and wake up skinny:)
The diet is going well...but I am sick of it. I went through some old clothes last night that I had given up on ever wearing and it got me excited! I did come across a windbreaker that I have had since 1993, it might be time to goodwill that bad boy!
My mom comes tommorrow and then early am I am leaving for GR with Jeff while my mom stays with the kids. Keep the prayers coming! Thanks!
I'll update as soon as a can!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Just one more time...

I finally have figured it out..that is how I look at eating, not eating, overeating..etc. I will admit that after I got weighed on Friday that was my first thought, that I could have a few more "illegal"items before the surgery. I am sure many of you are thinking how could I think that? But if you think about how you eat and then its all suddenly taken away, it drastically changes your perspective. I was naughty on Friday and had some breadsticks and then on Sat I was very good at our monthly card game but still nibbled on green peppers(no dip) and sme crackers. Sunday I threw down the gauntlet once again and am on the strict liquid diet. I can't take the guilt and dissapointment I feel in myself. I do very much feel like this is going to have to be a new way of life for me if its going to be successful long term. Yes, at first I will lose weight pretty much without even thinking, but if I keep my old habits of just one more time I will eat this or that. I will end up back to where I am now. I have to say one of my main motivations is to be healthier but also to give a great big silent.."HA!!" to all those people out there, some of them even friends who love to tell the stories about the people they know who gained the weight back. I feel like saying, "Oh, thanks for that inspiring story and the support!" It really just adds fuel to my weight lose fire and when I think about cheating I think of the "told you so" people and put it right back where it belongs..not in my mouth!
I have a long list of things to do this week for the holidays. I have more presents to buy, finish wrapping, get the kids stuff ready for their various weekend outings. I decided to be a nice wife and went to Meijer and bought Jeff and Matthew some goodies for the holiday. I got a ham and things to make cheesy potatoes for Christmas Eve and then for Christmas morning they will have a breakfast casserole and sweet rolls. Matthew and Jeff love both of them! So, they shouldn't starve!

Friday, December 14, 2007

- 9.5 and other news about driving from Kzoo to GR

That is how much weight I have lost in the past week! Yippee! I was so happy to see that and the PA was pleased too. He told me of some patients who have these huge meals the day before surgery. I can't understand that..I mean we're talking about your life here! A week from now the surgery will be done. Yipee!
Tommorrow I am going with my friend Carrie to Josh and Shelly Buck's new property dedication. I am super excited for them! How nice it will be to have a real home to begin this new life they have bravely adapted to over the past almost year! Its back in GR and I am so happy I am not driving. I can't stand that drive..people drive like such IDIOTS! Thank goodness for my PRAY FOR JOSH sticker, its made me a better driver in so many ways. I am not sure if its from living in Chicago for 8 years but I am a very easily irritated driver. Yes, I will admit that my Christianity can go right out the window whilst driving. I have even been know to fly a certain bird, if you know what I mean!:( But, ever since I placed that sticker right smack dab in the center if my windshield I stop myself and think.." Nope, the PRAY FOR JOSH and the BIRD do not go hand and hand, cool it sister!" I am fond of the thumbs up to people who are intentionally irritiating me while driving,it totally throws them.
Caroline went back to the ped again...still has the infection so its tubeville for her. She goes for her consult on Thursday.
Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

More Jesus!

Matthew loves a good story. He is really into books and recently has started wanting to "read"them to himself. He is allowed to take a few books to bed with him and you can often find him thumbing through them late into the night..little stinker. Anyways, in the morning, he usually wakes up at 7:30, where as Caroline sleeps till 8, usually b/c she has been up at 4 for a bottle, but that is a post for another time:) We have "snuggle"time for about 15 minutes and Matthew usually takes this time to ask me questions. The usually ones are

Where Daddy go?
Me go downstairs?
Me wake Anna up?
Wheres my pacies?
But recently, I have been taking this special time when its just Matthew and me to tell him about the real reason we celebrate Christmas. A friend of mine and I were talking about how its really easy when your kids are little to get too sucked up into the "Santa"thing. Matthew definetly has been sucked in! We even have an elf, whose name is "Neil" who magically goes to the North Pole everynight to report on Matthew's behavior. Its a cute tradition based on a book called "ELF ON A SHELF" Matthew even picked the name Neil all by himself, which I found hysterical being its not a very common name nor do we know anyone named Neil! So here I am telling Matthew about God and choosing Mary and her and Joseph's travels to Bethelem. Then about the innkeeper and so on.. He was intrigued to say the least. He kept saying "More Jesus, more Jesus!" Its moments like that when I just want to freeze frame him right there in that moment, wanting nothing more than to learn about Jesus. Although he's not convinced on the whole heaven thing. I was trying to explain it in 2.5 year old terms and he said, "Me can't go to heaven, me sick, have a frog in my throat" Thats ok little far as I am concerned heaven can have you in 100 years!
In other kid news, Caroline is STILL fighting the ear infections. She is now on antibiodic shots for the next three days and will be going to the ENT! Please pray this clears so she will be 100% for daddy next week during surgery/recovery!
Here are some Simpson Christmas decoration pics !

Take that temptation!

Be gone Satan! That is what my mom and I say when we see some food or treat that we want to eat but know we shouldn't. Well, all morning I was thinking that! It was our last MOPS meeting for the year. Since I am in charge of all of the volunteer workers, I organize all the moms bringing in cookies that we then divide up and give as a thank you. So, after 5 days of not really eating, I had that task before me. How did it go? FINE! Praise God! I have to say that its getting easier, especially with the sweets. I really tend to crave the salty, cracker types of things right now. I didn't even cheat and nibble anything! Yeah me:) Who would of thought I could muster some self control. Thanks for the prayers...keep em coming!

Monday, December 10, 2007

I miss chewing..

I am sure all those loyal readers out there in blogger land will soon tire of my "liquid diet" rants. I am blogging right now b/c Jeff and Matthew are eating dinner and I think I am in full fledge carb withdrawel. I miss chewing food but I have many more moons before I will chew again. Even after the surgery, its really liquid only, no bars or their version of "spaghetti" for 2 weeks and then around Jan 7th I will be able to start real food again. Its defintely increasing my faith. Each time I feel like I am going to crack I just keep saying to myself.."I can do all things through Christ, all things, all things..ALL THINGS!" I have to say even in these first few days I feel much healthier already. I usually get stomach upset from coffee and from eating crappy these past "last" weeks I had a lot of indegestion. I have had absolutely none since Sat. That is nice.
I have found some solace in decaf tea too. I actually think I prefer it to coffee.
I am just praying that I can enjoy my week, not fixate too much on this part and just keep my eye on the prize.

Sunday, December 09, 2007


I haven't had a migraine in about 8 years. The last time I had one was when I was working as a victim witness assistant for the State's Atty's office in Chicago and was dealing with horribly tragic events on a daily basis and an awful work enviornment. But, this morning around 3:30 am I was awoken to such a brutal headache I thought I was going to die. Well, that might be a bit of an exageration. It felt like a vice was aroung my head and that I was going to throw up every five minutes. Thank goodness it was Sunday. Jeff got up with the kids and I slept till 9 then I attempted going back downstairs but the light of day in combination with the kids squeals soon forced me back to a somewhat darken bedroom where I slept for another 2hours with an ice pack on my eyes. I took some medicine too which seemed to help alot.I am feeling much better now just a small headache.
The diet is going ok today. Whenever I start to feel bad for myself I just give my self a stern talking to. Two weeks on an 800 calorie diet isn't going to kill me. Not sticking to it could! Pretty simple!
I think its time for a protein drink...yummy!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

14 Days

Its going to be a long 14 days on this diet. Thank goodness for FAITH and FRIENDS! Today I went to Grand Rapids with some friends to go Christmas shopping. We went to TGI Friday's for lunch. I made it through, but I can tell you I am not going to anymore resturants until post surgery. Its tough right now b/c I am really hungry and haven't hard core dieted in awhile so my self control is way out of practice! Shame! Shame!!
I thought I would blog awhile to take my mind off it! It was nice seeing lots of clothes I eagerly look forward to wearing soon! MOTIVATION at its BEST!
Have a good rest of your weekend!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Say a prayer for me!

This is Caroline's request via mommy. I took her back again to the ped and her ears are no better. In spite of being on a new round of antibiodics, they just don't want to clear up! They switched her meds again and if that doesn't work she will have to go to the ENT for a tube consultation. Matthew got tubes in when he was 11 months and it honestly was the best thing for him. He is markedly healthier now. I just feel so bad for my little sweetie being sick for almost 2 months now. She cracks me up though because despite being sick she managed to gobble down an entire cheesburger and fries! She has such an appetite always!

Tommorrow I go to GR for a pre op appointment and Saturday the dreaded LIQUID DIET begins! I am going out with Jeff to his office work party and then out with some neighbors after that which should be a lot of fun. Saturday, me and a few friends are going shopping to GR. My plan is to get all my Christmas shopping done. I am running out of time!


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Back in 2007

I finally downloaded some current day pics from Thanksgiving till now. Today while Caroline took her am nap, Matthew and I went out in the snow. He loved it! He bawled when I finally had to fling him over my back like a sack of potatoes whaling! Caroline has reached the age of getting into everything! I think she may be giving me more of a run for my money than Matthew did at her age!!

Pictures from the past...


Yesterday we got CD rom with all sorts of Jeff's dad and his side of the family from way back in the day. For those of you who read my blog but don't really know me, Jeff's dad died when he was eleven from a heart attack. Jeff has some memories but his memory generally stinks! I guess that is one area where we complement each other b/c I have a memory like an elephant! People are often amazed at my ability to recall even the most random details.
Anyways, its so neat to look back at pictures of Roger,Jeff's dad, his mom and dad and siblings. Its so surreal to think that my children are a part of the people in those pictures. I am collecting several pictures from both my side and Jeff's for a "Family Wall" which will be displayed in my living room ...sometime!
So here are a few pics..don't you think its uncanny how much Jeff looks like his dad!! I should scan his senior picture..its almost too much how closely they resemble one another!


Sunday, December 02, 2007

The Christmas without any food...

Remember that book, "The Christmas without any Santa Clause" or was it a movie? Anyways, I think I have finally discovered what I has been making me a little edgy, besides the kids, etc. I think that due to the circumstances of my surgery and its date I am already mourning the food that one traditionally celebrates with. In my family, it was a Italian spaghetti dinner on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas day a roast beef dinner with all the fixins. My mom abandons all dieting attempts during the week of Christmas and goes all out with cookies, fudge, chex mix, etc. Then there is all the parties from here until the 21st...TEMPTATION at its greatest, in my world anyhow.
So, I have been contemplating my addiction to food,which I think I can finally admit that I have. Its really COULD be hard, but I am really going to RELY on GOD to get me through this. If GOD helps people through losing jobs, homes, ability to walk, loss of spouses and children He surely can help me CONTROL myself and adhere to the yucko liquid diet. I am actually looking forward,a little bit, to enjoying the people, the stories and the meaning of the Christmas season. Tonight, as I decorated my tree and saw Matthew's excitment it served as a reminder that those memories that we're creating are so much more meaningful than any special food. When I took my special ornaments out of their respective boxes, the memories they stirred had nothing at all to do with eating. They represented people and places and stages in my life. I think I need a blender ornament for this year!!
Happy Festivus!(That is what my mom and I call it during decorating time!)

Ear infections

Caroline is still not recovered from her ear infections. She is on a new antibiodic so hopefully that helps. We had to work in the nursery today at church and she was freaking out. I finally just had Jeff take her to the car while I waited for people to come get their kids. Here is a pet peeve of mine, if you have a child in the nursery, COME GET THEM RIGHT AFTER CHURCH! I don't think its my responsibility to watch kids while thier parents socialize. Finally, I had to go get one of the people in the nursery who was in charge to tell her that I was leaving so they needed to find the parents ASAP. I have been so moody, on the edge, etc lately. I am not sure what is going on but I am a little more than sick of myself.
Next Sunday I start my liquid diet for two weeks for the surgery, which I am sure won't do anything for my moods! I think I am going to try and take B complex vitamin. My sister said they help alot with that type of thing!
Not much else to report..Sam's club beckons...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Christmas card pics

Here they are...I just sent them off to Shutterfly this morning so I will be sending them out soon. That little bug Caroline never looks at the camera and always looks like she is staring off when we do get her. Don't you love the matching jammies?!
Things are going over here, mommy has been majorly stressed out by the antics of a 2.5 year old as of late. I swear that kid can get under my skin like no one else. We has a playdate today and I know that my friends are horrified by his behavior..oh well, what can you do! ONE DAY at a TIME is my new motto!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Crazy kids

How is it possible that a 2.5 year old boy can take up most of the space in a king size bed? It would seem impossible, but Matthew can! We have slept in the same bed the last two nights and man does that kid move alot in his sleep. I do love sleeping with him though, watching his serene, sleeping face and listening to him breath. He is a very deep sleeper, unlike his little sis, so you can snuggle him up and he doesn't even know your there. He has enjoyed his time here thoroughly. He loves playing with his extended family and especially with his Papa. Caroline is on the mend and as a result has been sleeping really well! She has completly turned into a mama's girl though and if she is awake and I am in not in her line of vison she screams..that little girl is silly, silly. Thanksgiving dinner was very interesting. I don't think I really had a chance to enjoy the food . I think Jeff and I shoveled in mouth fulls here and there in between Caroline crying for no reason and Matthew acting naughty and not eating. Oh well, we weren't expecting much from a 2 and 1 year old. It was a very nice day and as I said in previous posts our cups really runneth over in the blessing arena this year, we can get over a rushed dinner. Just hearing Matthew say, "Me no eat that" is worth it! I hope your all having a great time.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Go with the gut! and other things..

I wondered if Caroline perhaps had an ear infection. After a sleepless night and an incredibly cranky day I finally decided to take her in since we're traveling to Chicago for the holiday tommorrow. Yes, not only one ear, but both ears are badly infected. Poor baby again! She has been sick all month! She is on Omnicef again, now the trick will be not forgetting it tommorrow.
Good news on the surgery front. I have a date..Friday, December 21st! Many of you are probably thinking that timing stinks, yes, it does in ways but not so much in many others. Jeff was already taking some time off then, more babysitters are available then and then number one reason,if you are on a restricted diet, best to do it with a stomach the size of an egg!:) Many people have asked me how I feel about the surgery? Hmm, good question? I have spent the better part of 32.5 years as a "chubby, big boned, overweight, morbidly obese(ouch), fat" Hopefully, with the help of this tool I will in the matter of 12 months become substanially "less". It will be very surreal to say the least. I liken it to a "healing" of sorts and in that respect I feel incredibly blessed to be given this opportunity. As far as being afraid that something will go wrong, I can honestly say,no I am not. I have complete confidence in my surgeon. I will do my part and he will do his and we will leave the rest up to God, the best hands to be in. I am a little worried about the details about who will be watching the kids, it being a holiday week and all, but hopefully that will work itself out!


Monday, November 19, 2007

Thankful for..

Ok,I have kind of a random number this year..9 plus a shout out to God!:)

1. Matthew and Caroline,sure those kids can drive me bonkers, but I cherish that little boy and girl more than words can describe.
2. The kids giggling laughter..contagious and theraputic.
3. Jeff, for all he does for me as a wife and especially as a mother and for who he is to our children.
4. Our small group at church, its connected us in indescribable ways.
5. Our home,sure its never clean but its ours!
6. Wonderful extended family that does so much for Jeff and I and especially the kids
7. My mom's health is better these last few months and today she had her last cancer screening and it came back excellent! Thank you God!
8. That my surgery was ok'd by the health insurance and that soon I will be on my way to a healthier me!
9.Blogging...its very theraputic for me and I have learned more about thankfulness here in this forum than anywhere else!

Above all else..for our God,who loves us so much that He sent His son that we may have an abundant blessed life!
Have a wonderful, safe Turkey Day blogging buddies! Know that I am praying for all of you "regulars". I know many of you are going to have tough Thanksgivings this year and I will be praying that God helps you through it.


Friday, November 16, 2007

Cutey Cousins

I can't wait for next week! I love the holidays! I am not too into the whole Thanksgiving food, I can take or leave turkey and pie but I love being with family and just hanging out. This year we're going to my parents in Chicago. My sister and her family will be there. Matthew and my nephew are only 6 months apart and I think they will really get along this year and have fun playing. My niece and I and maybe her mom,if I allow it :), are making a gingerbread house together too! I wanted to start a new tradition and Claire is way into crafts of any kind! Here are some pics of the cousins. Sophia is the sweetie in the Christmas pj's. My mom bought all the kids the same pj's for us to take pics of them all in for her Christmas card pic. My kids wouldn't cooperate at all so I am going to attempt it again over Thanksgiving with my sister's help! Happy Turkey day! Here are some pics of the cousins!
Also, I noticed last year I did a "Things I am Thankful for"..I have been mulling this over and will be posting soon. I would love to see what your all thankful in my comments. How about your top 3??? You can do it!!


Pray for Ethan

Its a funny thing, the Holy Spirit...he can find you anywhere if he wants to! I had read a blog awhile back about a little boy who has leukima and was diganosed when he was 2 months old. I didn't follow up on his blog as much as my other "regulars" because, I am ashamed to admit, I sometimes can't handle too many sad ones. I get too wrapped up in it. But, as I read some of my other regulars, his name kept coming up in posts or comments.I felt that intense nudging by the Holy Spirit to pray for him. So, I added him to my regulars. Well, he desperately needs all our prayers! He is running out of options. His parents are so faithful and whole heartedly believe in the power of our God and our prayers.

Its a funny thing, when I first started this blog process I was a total pessimist. Always expecting the worst, always fearing the most horrible to come my way. Now, as I sit here, almost exactly 2 years later and almost 250 posts published by me, I have learned so much about true faith, true prayer. I could write a million sentences about what that looks like for me but simply said..It carries you through..through all things, through all times.

Ethan's website is


Thursday, November 15, 2007

Hee Hee Hee

I am sure some of you "blog checkers" were thinking" What the heck does Death by porta potty mean?" It was a well intended blog but Caroline was being a stinker yesterday and I couldn't really justify random blogging in lieu of rescuing a sad little one year old from her crib.

So, here it is the Porta Potty post...
There is a PP right off the exit off of 131 S to 94E. Each time I pass it I think "What if you were in there, taking care of business so to speak and a car crashed into you?" Then, being my morbid self, I took it a step farther and thought" What if that is how you died?" Then I will admit, I giggled at the thought. I think I would be a little embarassed and probably angry if that is how I left this world. Whilst using a porta potty! I have told some of my small group this thought and I know they just chalk it up to strange Sue! This is my mind people..strange at times!:) Ok, all the time!
Unrelated to PP's, my mom was so irritating today. She seems to like to think while she was raising all of us that she never was stressed and always took things in stride. She SO plays the devils advocate, as I suppose all good moms should, but today I was just mildly irritated by Caroline's insesent whining and Matthew's insesent screaming and told her that. To which she replied, "Well, maybe you should be thankful for two healthy children." True ,but sometimes you just want someone to let you have your moment to be annoyed you know! Of course I had to call my sister and leave a her a VM saying"Call me back, mom is so annoying" What would we do without sisters or moms?

DISCLAIMER: My mom is wonderful and caring and did an awesome job raising us. She just never lets you feel sorry for yourself.She still doesn't have blog access but in case she ever does, I have covered my rant with some praise!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Friday, November 09, 2007

Sicky again!!

Poor little Caroline now has tonsilitis and maybe strep throat! She was very irritable the last few days, but she is getting her one year molars so I thought it was just that. Then yesterday and today she was running a fever and her sick eyes returned. A true sign that she was not feeling good.Plus, she was very lethargic today. So, back to the ped office we went. They did the initial culture for strep and it came back negative. But, they are culturing it. The doc said her throat was really red..poor little girl a sore throat and new teeth too! The doctor also asked about her EYE! I really couldn't believe it. I really felt like saying, "Are you seriously asking me about her eye lady? " I told her that its all covered and that the optometrist said if they have any questions call him. I swear I am going to make her a onesie that says, "WE KNOW ABOUT THE EYE! DON'T ASK or my mommy will drop kick you!" Never a dull moment!
Busy weekend for us, tommorrow I am co hosting a baby shower here in town. Then at night we are either going to "LAST COMIC STANDING" at church or out with some of our college friends who are in town for the shower. Sunday, church, although I think Caroline is missing church this week..I swear the nursery is one big petry dish!


Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Coble Family

I have been thinking constantly of the family in California that lost their three small children in a freeway crash in May. I can't imagine the pain that magnitude of loss would bring. So, last night I googled them and found a link to an article that states they are pregnant with triplets! Two girls and a boy! The lost two daughters and a son. They are due in May and that is when the accident happened. How God is that??

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

What God wants me to do?

So Sunday night I was a total nutcase! I was pouring over Caroline's photos and convincing myself that she indeed had some type of serious eye issue and or cancer. It didn't help that Friday I called the doctor to get the rest of her lab results and the nurse told me that her results were "basically" normal but that the cancer marker labs weren't back yet. What exactly does basically mean anyways? So, in addition to calling the ped office on Monday, I also called the opthamologist and asked to leave a message about the reflection I often see in her pics. Thankful they both called me back at lunch and the labs were normal and the optometrist put me at ease too! He reassured me that its just her eyes and that if I am seeing the reflection in both eyes its normal. I also asked him if perhaps we should start treating her lazy eye earlier and he was very firm that treating it in the Spring is fine and would not affect her vison negatively in the meantime.
We had LAMBS, our moms small group last night. It was just me and two of my already close friends which was a little discouraging for me. I had hoped that more women would come out for it. But, I am also kind of at the point that I am offering things for people to get connected, if they come great, if not, oh well. As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! We talked about Noah and the Ark and the legacy that we leave on this earth. In the wrap up, the author says hypothetically, that it might have said on Noah's tomb stone, "He did everything God asked of him" and then she asked the readers to think of what type of legacy your leaving to your family, friends, etc. We all kind of joked that we can't claim to do everything God asked of us. But, as I drove home, I wondered what mine would say if I died today. I would like to think it would say"Nice person,good friend,did the best she could" but I think sometimes it would say" Likes to gossip, irritated easily, often mistrusts God" Not at all what I want people to think of me! So, I think I might start asking myself that simple question"Am I doing what God would have me do?"

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Fall days

Today was wonderful weather..sunny and cool. Jeff and I were suppose to go to the Michigan StateU of M tailgate with a bunch of college friends, but they all day babysitter fees didn't work in the budget! So,we stayed home and enjoyed the day with the kids and did some much needed yard work. It was a nice day!
Caroline ended up not having uti after all, which is a good thing. We never quite figured out what she had. I still think it may have been a reaction to the shots. She is back to her usual self and eating and drinking like normal. I will admit ever since her apt on Monday, I have become reobsessed with her eye. I have to keep reminding myself that if it were something more serious the opthomologist would have caught it! I will feel better after our apt with the pediatric opthomologist in Januaury.

Matthew is up to his normal mischief! He is so talkative now. His new favorite phrase is "Stop that" if he dosen't like what you are doing. He also says, "What happened?" all the time and looks at you expectantly for a full explanation of what indeed happened. One cute story from Halloween week, he LOVED putting on his Buzz costume and one day I asked him where Jesus lives and he gave his usual answer, "My heart" and then I followed up with where is your heart and he said" In my postume" too cute!! He is very sweet and cuddly. He loves to snuggle in the morning. Caroline on the contray..not a snuggler at all but so cute with her curly locks of hair and her cute little buns waddling quickly as she walks/runs with some non-toy, usually the remote which is a favorite toy of hers. She says "mama,dada,no no and I swear I heard her say Matt and Buzz last week. I think she takes after her mother in the talking dept. :)
I should find out about my surgery date in a few weeks. I pray that it all goes smoothly. I feel like its not real like its not going to really happen. I started a new devotional through my Moms Bible study at church. Its a women's devotional guide to Bible. Actually, for those of you who read my blog, its written by Jean Sywersada ,I think I spelled that wrong, but I highly recommend it! She also wrote a Women of the Bible devotional that we did last year that is excellent. Very down to earth,real in her style! Love it! It facilitates excellent discussions too!
A friend of mine, who lost her baby to incompetent cervix at 22 weeks and just found out her mom has breast cancer recently emailed me about needing prayer and feeling frustrated with God. I thought she wasn't even a believer but through her words in her email I think that she is. I am planning on sending her a copy of the devotional to help her through these times and help build her faith. I also told her about some other blogs I read of other people who are going through tough times but still look to the Lord for their strength!
Tommorrow is church nursery and Pastor appreciation. It will be nice to have a night with our church family with positive things going on with all the drama that has plagued us lately!
I heard it may snow next week...yippee!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

To infinity and beyond

Between the Zoo Boo and the Fall Fest fundraiser for my MOPS group to the actual Halloween day which we spent at our church's Pumpkin Party...Matthew aka Buzz Lightyear had much fun!! Check out his buns in the first pic..sooo pinchable! Caroline, who only made it to the Fall Fest looks less than thrilled! Caroline has recovered from whatever it was that was making her ill,which apparently wasn't a UTI..hmmm! I am just glad she is feeling well again and not having to endure many medical traumas anymore. Although, she now screams and cries and twists her little buns every which way when I attempt diaper changing. This makes changing her now very yucky antibiodic poopy diapers very unfun! Good thing her dimples and curls make up for it!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The saddest baby in the world

That was Caroline yesterday! Poor little girl! It began, as I said in the last post with a blood draw in the morning. Well, her fever continued to climb yesterday so they had me bring her back in b/c her white blood cells and neophil count was climbing, which seemed to indicate a probable bacterial infection and they wanted to test her urine. I had been trying to collect it in this little puck but had no luck b/c with the fever and her unwillingness to drink anything she was not making very many wet diapers. So, I had to take her back to the lab for another blood draw and then to the ped office for a catheter and two antibiodic shots. It was heartbreaking! She just kept looking at me through her sobbing tears and seem to be saying, "Why mommy?" Then to make matters more stressful,the doc came in and said, "Oh, good, she doesn't look toxic!" Apparently, she was so dehaydrated that they contemplated admitting her for fluids. You never would have known she was sick if you saw her all day at home, running around like normal. My kids never seem to act like sick kids though. So, she continued with the fever until 2am when it broke and she dosen't have one so far today. I took her in for a recheck and they said her inital urine came back with trace bacteria so we will know more tommorrow once the culture is done. She is on an oral antibiodic and should continue on her road to recovery unless she spikes another fever in which case they would admit her for iv antibiodics for the UTI. Now that is alot of info!
I am glad she is not feverish today, although she is in a pretty foul mood !I think she may know she isn't going to the church Pumpkin Party!!:)
Got to love kids, never a dull moment!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Can't catch a break

Caroline that is! Poor little girl has had some drama the last few days.It all began yesterday with what began as a seemingly innoncent one year check up. I thought I had booked it with a doc that was familiar with her eye issues. I was wrong and thus the drama began. She asked a bunch of questions about the wandering and I explained the whole red eye reflex issue, etc. So, upon checking her for her red eye she says to me"Well, I am really glad your getting a second opinion b/c her red eye reflex does concern me." to which I responded, "Well, there not addressing the red eye anymore, they are addressing the estropia." Caroline has been to two opthomology offices and both doctors had to dialate her eyes to see it and they both said she has really small pupils and its hard to see it in brown eye kids as well. Even with all this info, she is still making me feel like she isn't convinced. So, I finally tell her that and say, "This office is making me start to feel like you think something is really wrong,yet you don't do anything to definitevely tell me anything."Basically b/c I know that she is thinking with the red eye reflex being absent she may have a tumor. She admitted that and then said the one word that horrifies more than anything..neuroblastoma. A horrifying childhood cancer that I never want my child's name and it said in the same sentence. She kept saying, " I don't think she has a tumor, but if it would make you feel better we can run some blood tests" Finally, on the verge of tears I said, that yes, I want her tested for cancer markers so I can know that it JUST A LAZY EYE!! Then Caroline had to get three shots and after her pm nap she woke up with a 103 degree fever that lasted all night! Today was the blood draw and they couldn't get blood out of her right arm so we had to do the left too! They should have the results back tommorrow, which I am confident are fine, but geez!! I know docs have to cover their own bums, but its tough to be a parent in an over cautious world! I will definetly only be seeing the same doc for her annual apts from now on, so that they at least might be somewhat familiar with her and her eye issues!
In other, non Caroline news, I had fun at the Hearts at Home conference. It was very worthwhile and I highly recommend it!We had the Fall Festival for my MOPS fall fundraiser,which also went well. Matthew looks so stinkin cute in his Buzz costume! He loves it!! I will post Halloween later this week!


Monday, October 22, 2007


Matthew and Caroline have so many nicknames, all of which are crazy and random. I get this from my dad who nicknames all people. When I was a little girl his favorite nicknames for me were "Baggy" and "Rag a muffin", he called one of my sister's old boyfriends "Cheap Suit" and calls Matthew, "O'Shansky" and "Hooligan". Jeff and I call Matthew, bubs, bubbers, bubie boy, roonie, roon and little buddy. We call Caroline, squeaky, Anna, sweet, bubie girl and roonie girl and my favorite, stinky crappy napper girl.

When my sister stopped by she took some pics, they turned out great. With exception of Caroline either not looking at the camera or having her eye turn in, but hey thats her!! i am really starting to notice people stare at her and I am reminded of how it was when Matthew wore his helmet. People are so obvious and rude sometimes. Back to the pics, I totally should have just let her take her 1 year pic instead of wasting money on a real photographer, who by the way is showing me what will likely turn out to be 400 pics of a crying Caroline tommorrow night. Anyways, my sister is pretty talented, check these out...

Friday, October 19, 2007

Can I be 22 again?

I am having that kind of day. The kind where you just want to take a mommy break and be free to do whatever you want,how you want, where you want, the way you want. I was going to get my hair colored today and heard a song that reminded me of college. I decided to call my friend who works on her cell phone. She didn't answer but called me right back and thought something was wrong. I said, "No, I was just wishing we lived at 540 Charles street and I was calling to figure out the plan for going out tonight" We chuckled at our days of reckless abandon gone by.

I feel so blessed that I started my "married and family" life later in my twenties and early thirties. I got married when I was 28 and had Matthew when I was 30.I lived many years of being carefree and doing whatever I wanted. So, usually, the sacrifices that marriage and motherhood demand don't really get to me. But, today, I am feeling a little in the dumps. I am really looking forward to the Hearts at Home conference.I really think its going to renenergize me and hopefully refocus me on my role as wife and mom.

I don't mean to complain, I am not really, just expressing the way I am feeling at this moment on a gloomy, windy Friday night in Portage! I hope all out in blogger land have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Drama Queen

That is what we like to call Caroline and boy did she show that side of herself off today! I took her for her one year pics and it went horribly! She cried, hysterically almost the whole time! She didn't like that he wanted her to sit in one spot so she would start to freak out whenever they put her there. I go back to see the pictures next Tuesday so we will see! If I got one good one,I will be happy I guess!

What else? There is alot going on right now. With the upcoming surgery, the holidays really around the corner, and the general business of life. I am feeling excited about the surgery. I completly trust the doctors. It is really weird to think about losing so much weight in a relatively short amount of time. I have been overweight since I can remember. Although, I was looking back at some old photos and really I wish I had been left alone...I wasn't all that big and I think if I wasn't so obsessed with it back in the day , it might not have gotten this bad. I am excited to be able to do all the things I want to do and not be limited by my extra pds anymore! It seems almost too good to be true. I am trying to remain prayerful about each step and seek God through it all.
We are starting a new book for our small group tonight. Its called, Growing the Marriage of your dreams by Max Lucado.I hope it goes well and that we all take some things back that can help build our marriages up. Church is having some issues lately,and I have to say that I am so thankful for our small group. I think people can really underestimate the power that getting people connected on a smaller level can have. There are times when I am fed up with the whole church thing but my small group keeps me coming back and riding the storms out!
Well, I better get going so I can do my small group homework, although its on what your wife wants...seems like a topic for Jeff, who is not going to make it tonight, he is in Chicago!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Birthday bash!

Caroline is offically one!! We had her party today! We had a full house of family and friends and a good time was had by least I think so!! Caroline loved her cake and all the people and mostly being allowed to explore the house. We took most of the gates down and she and Matthew were beside themselves with joy at exploring the forbidden and unknown. I enjoyed this party..didn't stress too much. My mom came yesterday and was a big help. She is feeling so much better and seems like good old mom in so many ways! Matthew loved the party! He kept saying,"We're having a party!" and had a huge smile most of the day. That is until bedtime when he had a major breakdown. Too much sugar! Good day for the Simpsons!!Can't believe how much has changed in a year. I was thinking that last night,as I fed Caroline at 3:30am! Lots has changed in my life and those around me. Yet, through all of it, the joy of bringing a new baby, healthy and happy, into this world, to facing a pretty yucky diagnosis for my mom this summer, God is with us through it all. I am so thankful right now for His constant presence. Through it all, God is God!
Ok, randomness..I know..this is what happens when I post at night. I am more pensive then I guess. Anyways, here is a slideshow of or little one year old!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Sweet Caroline

Happy Birthday sweet little girl! What joy you have brought to everyone's life who is blessed to know you! We love you and can't wait till your party tommorrow!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Birthday countdown

Tommorrow Caroline will be one! I can hardly believe that the time has flown by so fast!! She is acting like such a big girl lately though so it does seems like a long time since she was a wee infant crying her little colicky head off ! I do not miss those days! She continues to be a nighttime stinker! Last night she went to bed at 6ish(because she took a crappy pm nap and was so tired by then she could hardly make it to 6!) and then I heard her crying at 8:30 and again at 11pm. Then, this morning, Jeff had to get up really early b/c he had a conference in Detroit and I heard her making noise at 5:40 and was so irritated. Well, when I went in to her room she was SOAKED!! Complete and totally pee out! Miss chunky monkey has grown out of her 4 diapies! Everything was so wet so I had to change it all and Jeff had to leave which made things slightly more dificult. She did go back to bed till 7:30 though and still took a morning nap.I think is hard for me to be really strict with her on the nightime waking b/c I feel like she is our last"baby" and who really cares anyways? Jeff does not concur with this! Anyways, this morning we went to a playdate at our friends house where Matthew had tons of fun playing with big boy Jonah's stuff. He loves playing with big kids. Caroline was pretty content too.

Tommorrow my mom comes in for C's bday. We were just going to have family and then we decided to have friends too. Its suppose to be perfect fall weather to celebrate our little pumpkin! I will post pics,etc on Sunday. Happy early Weekend!

Monday, October 08, 2007


I am in allergy hell right now. I can't tell you how much I wish for a cold,cold day!! Its unlikely you will ever hear me complain about cool or cold weather. I love it and the thought of living permantely in a climate that is always warm is not at all something I would desire.

On Sat, Jeff and I,along with four couples from church went to a family from church's "lodge". This couple is so generous in letting people use it free of charge. Its very nice, but very rustic. Apparently the man who owned it for like 40+ years didn't really maintain it. So, its very musty and if your a person with allergies its pretty miserable. I was ok on Sat, but on Sat night, I must have tossed and turned all night. It was very uncomfortable..I have never longed for morning so bad in my life! We left around 11:30 am and pretty much as soon as we arrived home I was hit with full body shivers, a headache and just general misery! Thank goodness for Jeff, who took over for me in the kid department. I spent the who day laying on the couch or sleeping. I still feel pretty yucky today but not nearly as achey. I think my body just shuts down in a way when its bombarded with too many allergens.

In other news, tommorrow I go to GR to meet with the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. Its the first of several apts that I have this month. I am looking forward to meeting him and asking more questions.

I think that is about it, the big birthday for Caroline is coming up..busy week but lots of fun stuff! More to post later...

Thursday, October 04, 2007


I was watching the kids play today and can't believe how big they are getting! Caroline will be one next Friday!! It seems like I just saw her wrinkly little face on that snowy October morning last year. Yet, here we are a year later, and its 82 degrees!! She is such a joy, albeit a crappy sleeper. She is still waking up sometime between 2 and 5am. Last night, Jeff fed her and I heard him say to her"Its a good thing your so cute because this is a bunch of crap!":)) Hey, what can I saw, we keep it real in the Simpson household. She is taking steps, usually four or five at a time and is one tough cookie! Even when Matthew pummels her, she never cries and just plows right over him. We decided to seek a second opinion concerning her eye. The nurse practioner we recently saw recommended a doc in Grand Rapids and his first apt was JAN 7th!! So, we will wait patiently until then I guess.

Matthew's speech is exploding! He loves to make believe with his stuffed animals. He often says"Come on mommy, come on, play" but then just wants the dolls to keep saying "Hi" it can get annoying but I often remind myself what a blessing he is and to be able to be at home with him playing the same thing over and over is. Many people would die for that opportunity. He is still driving me crazy but always wins me over with those darn dimples!

This weekend we are going to a small group retreat. A night away will be very nice and we love our small group. Hopefully Matthew will survive the babysitter, or should I say hopefully the babysitter survives Matthew!!


Monday, October 01, 2007

A hockey no go

Well, we tried. To have Matthew play hockey that is! We were looking for something to get him involved in and since Jeff was a hockey player he has looked forward to the day his son could put on a pair of skates and glide down the ice! YAH RIGHT!!!
Although I wasn't there, from what Jeff said it included alot of sqwerming and not wanting to listen and wanting to run on the ice. He then screamed when they took him off the ice and he was screaming "No!! ICE ICE!!"

Here are some pics!


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Pumpkin patch "NOT"so much fun!

Here is a slideshow from today's trip to Gull Meadows Farms! Matthew was rotten. Caroline was very good! You win some, you lose some I guess!:)


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Thanks for the bone..God!:)

Last night was hard for me. I really felt bad for my friend whose little boy is in the hospital. I have know Pam since I was 13 and never had I heard such panic and concern in her voice. She is stoic in the greatest sense of the word. When Jeff and I prayed before bed he said one and then, usually, its my turn to reinterate or add something but last night I was just silent. He wondered why and I said, " I feel bad b/c I feel like I am losing faith in the power of prayer. Like no matter what I pray, its only up to God so I might as well wait and see where he takes me before praying." Jeff, in his usual way said.."Hmm,thats not good. God listens to us,He cares what we want" I wasn't so convinced. So, I prayed that I wouldn't pray with that feeling in my heart. That I would pray expectantly and have faith that God would give me the desires of my heart.

So, when I called Pam this morning and she sounded so much better and said Jake is doing so much better and Caroline's apt went so well I said to my friend Carrie, "I think God knew I needed a bone!" Of course I am kidding but it felt good to have things go right for one day at least!


Caroline's eye apt

Well, Caroline had her eye apt this am..bright and early at 7:30!! It turns out she has moderate farsightedness in her left eye and will have to wear glasses when she is closer to 2. The exam went well until they dialated her eyes and then she was very angry and cried hysterically whenever he tried to shine the light in her eyes! It was so pathetic. He said she was a "toughy"!:) She may also have to wear a patch down the road too.

Updated prayer request: Our friends' little boy, Jacob who had surgery Monday, had a raging fever all night Tuesday and all day yesterday. It finally broke and so hopefully he is on the mend. But, please pray for him and his parents, Pat and Pam. I spoke with Pam last night and again today and she sounded much better. It obviously has been a stressful week for them!



Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Tommorrow! I think I am ready..I hope I am ready!! I am glad that Matthew and Caroline will be staying here with Grandma..I think I would die if I had to worry about them on top of all the other kids!
Please pray for my patience with Matthew! I have no way of sugar coating it..he is really pissing me off lately! How is that for transparant?! Seriously..I could list all the naughty things he has done lately but what good would that do. I have been trying to sneak into his room when he is asleep and hold his little hand and just pray over him, for him, for us, for me...etc! It has helped some but he is really on a naughty streak lately. In fact his new favorite sentence is "ME NAUGHTY!"
Amen Brother!
I still love him bunches and bunches and of course in the middle of night, when I am holding that warm little hand I think "Oh, its not so bad!" and then when he, for example is running like a crazy man throughout the ped office where I took Caroline for the third time in less than a week, this time for a mystery rash, and he is hitting me, pulling the paper roll of the table, throwing books, etc.Which forces me to leave hastily thinking.."Did I even talk to the doctor?" UGGH!
Its a fleeting season..I have to keep repeating that. Soon my little ones will be grown and doing really bad things..hopefully not!
And, last but certainly not least, please pray for Caroline's eye appt on Thursday at 7am..yuck!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Tough news

I got a call from a friend of mine that is on the steering team at MOPS with me and sadly, one of our other friends/steering team members lost her baby on Friday. She was 32 weeks pregnant! She had to go in for a c section on Saturday. My heart breaks for her. Please pray for her, her name is Heather and her son Dominic, who is 4 was so excited to be a big brother. To make matters tougher, his fifth birthday was on Sunday and there was a big party planned that they went ahead and had.

Little Jacob's surgery was this morning. I am praying that it goes word yet! Jake's moms birthday is also today! Not the best way to spend your birthday huh!

Then another girlfriend of mine's mom had to go to the ER last night with severe abdominal pain. They aren't quite sure what is going on! So keep Patsy in your prayers too!

Hopefully the next post will bear better news!

One good things, Caroline seems to be finally getting over her illness! Yipee


Friday, September 21, 2007

Poor baby

Little Caroline is pretty sick right now. She has had a bad cough for almost 2 weeks now. They gave her an antibiodic last Friday, but yesterday she came down with a pretty high temp and was really coughing bad. So much so that she was almost throwing up from all her coughing..I know TMI! Anyways, I brought her back in and she now has developed bronchitis. She is so pathetic when she is sick. She just layed on me all afternoon and slept. She keeps looking at me with her soulful little eyes like she is thinking,"I feel yuck mommmy" I hope the new med kicks in soon and that she is on the mend.
Of course, Jeff is leaving this afternoon for a guys weekend. Not that he doesn't deserve it..totally he does. But, it sucks to be the parent left behind with a sickie and a stinky...that being Matthew who, God love him ,has been a really stinker this week!


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

more pics

Long lost camera

I left my camera in Hudsonville about a month ago and finally got it back!! The kids and Barb and I went to Milham park today and to Cici's Pizza for lunch. Matthew and Caroline had a blast at the park. We did have to scare Matthew about the ducks "biting" him b/c he was getting a little too brazen! Here are some recent pics of the kids. You will notice Caroline's eye in at least one of the pics,her apt is next Thursday so hopefully we will get some answers then!


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

LIttle Jake

Please pray for our good friends little boy, Jake. He is 18 months old and they just found out that he has a hole in his diaphram and each time he takes a breath, his intestines are going up inside the hole, which can cause a fatal twisting of his bowels! Praise God that they were on vacation last week in Disney and a few times he fell asleep in the stroller and his dad noticed his breathing was strange and that his chest seemed to be really struggling with each breath. Pam and Pat, Jake's mom and dad, are Jeff and I close friends. Pat was Jeff's bestman and we've been friends for several years. There are so many parts of the story of discovering what was wrong with Jake and the miracle of him not having any serious side effects or worse, dying. Thank you God for protecting this little boy so far. He most likely will be having surgery in Ann Arbor the end of this week.

Although I wish Jake wouldn't need surgery at all, after getting off the phone with Pam I was so greatful for how God really does protect his people and love us. And of course, His plan is perfect!!


Sunday, September 16, 2007

They don't think they're going to hell..

Nice title huh? This is a statement Jeff, my darling husband made to me about some of our non Christian friends. Actually the conversation started like this

ME: Did you call Abe and invite him to church on Sunday?
J: No
ME: Well, are you?
J: Maybe
ME, with ever the slightest nag voice:)So, you don't care if they go tell hell?
J: What?
ME: Well, if they died today, they'd go to hell and we could have helped stop that!
At this point he just kind of looks at me like"How do I answer her, without her freaking out?!"
ME: I just don't get why our Non Christian friends don't worry about going to hell?
J: Thats the thing, they don't think they are..they don't believe any of it, including the hell part.
ME: Good point
Then, today, Josh spoke at our church. For those of you who read or stalk my blog who don't know Josh Buck, he was the youth pastor at our church two years ago. His daughter, Ava, who was Matthew's age, died in a crib accident in Aug 05. Then, last January he was in an accident and is a quadrapeligic. He spoke today about pain and suffering and basically why bad things happen to good people. It was very interesting and especially coming from someone who truly embodies pretty much the epitomy of "bad things happening to good people". What I got from his message was that God is more interested in fashioning us to becoming more like Christ, than He is in our "comfort and happiness" Yes, he wants us to be happy, but ulitimately he wants us to be more like Christ and to glorify Him.
As we drove away from church, Jeff and I talked about how no one else could really ever give that message. That only someone who has been through what Josh has can really have any validity in statements like that. If I got up there and said similiar things I am sure people would be like, "Sure, whatever, but lets see what you would do if the going got tough?" Things have gotten tough for the Bucks but they remain steadfast in their faith and promises of eternal life through a relationship with Christ. They know this life is so fleeting. I wish Abe would have been there. (and by the way, we did invite them) They came over for dinner last night and we were talking about Josh and I said to his wife, " I think if you heard what he had to say you might have trouble not beleving in God" To which she responded," I believe in something, I like to think of it as HP(high power), I just don't like to tie it to one thing like God" I didn't respond b/c she knows where I stand. But, I can't help but wonder if they had been there would they not want a taste of a GOD who someone can still faithfully turn to, pray to, believe in, worship, adore, plead with, cry at and I am sure at time shout at.Wouldn't they at least be like, hmm, this guy has been through hell and yet there is something really awesome about his HP? I have to wonder?
Another thing Josh said that struck me is to enjoy the blessing of the mundane, the ordinary. I think because of my personality,to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop or all hell to break loose,to be pessimistic to a pretty substantial degree, that I do to a certain degree really cherish the small things in life. Like last night for example, I spent some serious time blog reading on some really depressing issues. When I went back upstairs, Jeff said Matthew was asking me to come up and tuck him in. As I entered his room and saw my precious little guy laying there in his big boy bed I thought to myself, " I could yell at him and tell him to go to bed or I could crawl in and snuggle the stuffing out of him. I chose the latter and he just about broke my heart with his sweet little kisses and hugs and his little lispy voice saying" I wub you" I felt like the luckiest lady in the world.
So, as I read over the post, its a little random but its what I have been thinking about tonight...

Friday, September 14, 2007

Funny doctors..happier moms

My mom saw the hematologist today and all is well. He said that her reaction in her platelets was due to one of her meds and that it wasn't even all that dangerous and she continue taking it and just have her levels montiored. She said he was a younger guy with a funny sense of humor but reassured her that he had no bad news for her. I guess my dad, who has remained eternally optomistic broke down once he left the room, rumor has it he even shed a tear. Not to make fun of this at all. I know its been hard for him to see her go through all of this. I think he just doesn't want to go there in his head. But,my mom said he was afraid that she had bone cancer. In other good news, her lung scan came back absolutely fine too. So, we are breathing a little easier this Friday.Its been a bit of a rollercoaster this summer for our family..always seemingly waiting on results and tests to be run. Today, I got a card in the mail from a friend who said she was praying for my mom and our family and it just reaffirmed how glad I am to have a faith and God to lean on. Yes, things can always be worse off and I am sure that our family will see more hard times than not but knowing we having a loving, caring God who we can lean on surely helps!! Do I hear an AMEN?? My comments are lacking people!!:)


Thursday, September 13, 2007

If you ask them, they just might come...

This is how I need to start thinking about asking people to church, MOPS, etc. I am working on it and getting better but still I know I fall short. This Sunday, Josh Buck is speaking at our church so I have invited alot of our non Christian and Christian friends. His message is just so powerful that I am hopeful and prayerful that they will come and be touched by something they hear from him. Tonight I went to a friends jewelery party and ended up inviting several moms to my MOPS group. I feel more comfortable doing that somehow. I think that its because I struggle with aspects of our church right now. I love our small group and the friends I have made through it. To be honest, its what keeps me keeping on at times. But, also there are things like our Pastor calling to see how my mom is doing. Those things do make a difference and lets face it no church is perfect!

So, I am going to start inviting the heck out of people..and maybe one life will be transformed from a simple step made by me.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

More mom prayers

Mom found out today that her platelets are lower still than they were on Friday. She has to go to the doctor this afternoon to figure out what the stink is going on. She was very down again so it was a short and not particularly sweet conversation. Afterwards I called my sister and about 2 minutes in started crying like a newborn baby. She is always the voice of reason and is positive and keeps things in perspective..typical firstborn! When I got off the phone I felt better but then thought that I have to have another kid sometime b/c just one person to turn to who knows your crazy self and family just isn't enough...

Siblings and especially sisters are great things!! Thanks God for sisters!


Monday, September 10, 2007

God says yes, God say no

God is usually pretty clear with me on where and how he wants me to do certain things. One of these areas is working. Before I had the kids, it was downright eery, in a good way, how much I felt like His hand was playing a part in where I worked. I always felt very good about moves I would make career wise. So, when I decided to stop when Matthew was born that felt right. Lately, because of money issues and "going crazy b/c I have two kids under 2" syndrome I had looked into part time work. This time however, I didn't feel God's blessing in it. Things weren't working out, no one would call me back, the hours wouldn't work, etc. Finally, I have realized that He wants me home with my kids, he wants me to learn the lessons that being at home full time provides. I think He wants me to watch our neighbor girls on a part time basis too for the discipline that would provide and of course the financial benefits. Cool feeling though to know I am not fighting His plan.

In other news. I have been approved by my health insurance company for weight loss surgery. This is something that I have contemplated for years but recently really seriously started looking into. I am greatly encouraged by the swiftness of my health insurance company.I will have to have it done in Grand Rapids, because they are very particular that it be done by surgeons who have done many surgeries which is important. I am still at the beginning stages but am hopefully that I am on the road to a healthier and happier Sue. I can't remember ever being thin and now its really just gotten out of control. I am hoping for a "do over" in this area of my life. Surely with all I have learned from the various books, diets, nutrionists, etc I can become and stay thinner and live a long and happy life for my family and of course myself.

So, lots going on here. Off to get a haircut!!


Friday, September 07, 2007

Ikkey feeling

That is how I am feeling right now. My mom needs some more prayers. Actually, today I think she was feeling a little more optomistic. She had an apt with her rheumatologist and everything was checking out ok,but they did some blood work just to see where she is at since some of her meds can have pretty strong implications. So, tonight I was at Joanne fabrics picking out fabic for a chair I am having recovered and was talking to my mom about which one I should choose. I called her again after I left and she answered abruptly and told me she was talking to the dr and had to call me back. It was 7pm and you know most docs aren't calling to shoot the breeze at 7 on a Friday. Then, to make matters worse I didn't hear from her until 9:30. It turns out her platelets are pretty low. There are a couple of reasons why this could happen I guess. They are going to retest her on Tuesday. She was pretty down and not up for a lot of questions which to be honest irritates the crap out of me. I want to scream.." I am just worried ok!!!"

Then, Miss Caroline's eye situation is worsening and that is freaking me out. I wish our apt was sooner. I know its most likely nothing very serious but some people are making it seem like because it suddenly presented itself that its not good. I just want some medical professional whom I trust to give me an honest account of what is going on and how to treat it.

So, ickk! Thanks for the prayers!


Thursday, September 06, 2007

God in the details

I know he is but I love a good story to show just how in it he is..

So, my friend and neighbor's father had a liver transplant last September and had a hernia complication a few months ago. He had a pretty rough go of it for awhile but was starting to feel better and then recently felt like he had developed another one. So, he was on his way to Ann Arbor have a CAT scan and as he pulled into the hospital he got a call from the surgeon who did his last operation on the hernia. It turned out that they were going to do the CAT scan the way they regularly do it for just anybody but when you've had a liver or kidney transplant you can't because you have a really bad reaction. I am certainly leaving out some details here, but how God is that?? That his surgeon would call him, as he is pulling in to have a potentially harmful procedure done? Only God can orchestrate something like that.

Funnier yet, Jamie, my neighbor and his daughter just called and I said, " Hey I was just writing about your dad on my blog, you don't mind do you?" She said no that she was happy to share something that would perhaps convince others of the realness and caring of God. Of course me and my cynical attitude said, " When I hear stories like that and think of people who still deny God, it makes me want to scream ..IDIOTS!"

As my niece Claire would say.."Idiot isn't a nice word Aunt Susan"
Point taken!

Good Weekend to all and to all a Good Night!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Words for thought

I read this on another blog today and thought it was just so appropriate for all of us, no matter what is going on within our lives:

Nothing surprises God. What puzzles us is permitted by our Lord, for reasons too profound to grasp. It is put together in the counsel of His own will so that it fits perfectly into His plan for His glory and for His purposes. As His servant, I say in response, ‘I will not fear. Though I don’t understand it, I will not fear. Though You take something that’s deeply significant to me, though You allow a catastrophe to strike, I will not fear. I will not blame, I will not doubt, and I will not question.’ Cease striving, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)”

Pretty huge words huh?? True but also hard for us humans to take. Our family friend who has been through such horrific nightmares in her life said to my mom the other day "Whoever is behind me in line to get into heaven better be prepared for a long wait..I have some serious questions for the big guy!" Obviously kidding, but I think alot of us feel that way about so many things.


Monday, September 03, 2007

No laboring for us!

We have had a really nice, relaxing weekend. Friday I took the kids to Grand Rapids to visit some friends. It was a beautiful day and the kids had fun. Friday night Jeff and I went out to eat with some friends to Chilis...tasty! Saturday we just hung out, Jeff mowed and then at night we went to a bonfire birthday party at our friends house. Sunday was church,which didn't go well at all. We haven't been there in awhile between vacations, sickness, etc. Matthew and Caroline were freaking out and they are changing it all around so we didn't exactly know what was going on. Hopefully once things settle down it will be ok again. Last night Jeff went to a friends bbq/housewarming while I stayed with the kids. I watched GONE WITH THE WIND. Good movie, I realized I had never seen it in its entirety. Then I watched KRAMER vs KRAMER..and cried like a baby. If you've never seen it I highly recommend it. Today we have just been hanging out again. We're going to some friends for another bbq tonight and so I spent alot of the am preparing what I am taking. Matt and Jeff played outside. Caroline kept getting under foot!:) Speaking of Caroline, please pray for her eye. The wandering is getting worse and she doesn't go to the doctor till the end of the month.

School's back tommorrow which doesn't affect us but it will be nice to have our fall activites back in full force. MOPS is still stressing me out, but it will get done. My brother in law called last night and asked if I had put him in my blog yet. He was shocked to learn I have one and wanted to know what I write about. After reading through today's post I guess I would say alot of nothing!! So, I am wondering if he found it somehow because he is also on the "DO NOT READ" list. Maybe I will give all the people in my life access. I mean, it can't be worse than the Jason Gehoski torment. Then maybe I would at least get some more comments. I think I have like 4 readers now!

A funny side story about my sister and her family,which includes said Brother in law. They just got back from vacationing in Maine. They flew in and out of Boston but had some time to kill on Sat so they were taking the train into the city. They ended up sitting next to either a man suffering from bipolar or terrets. He was swearing at them and called my sister "The fat *%$#@ in the pink polo" and my niece who is 6 was horrified. She ended up asking if she could put her sunglasses on to avoid staring. My nephew who is three kept saying "MOTHER $#@!" " Ooo..he said bad word!" My sister and her husband are just praying that it would all end soon. After the detrained, Claire was very upset at why he was acting like that. My sister explained in a six year old way that sometimes people are sick with the flu and sometimes they are sick in the head and that was the way the man was. So, now my sister and her family have been in CRAZY MATTY!!

Happy Labor day!!


Have a good week!


Thursday, August 30, 2007

Prayer needed

Yesterday I found out that our good friends, Mike and Erin lost their baby girl. She was 20 weeks pregnant and her water broke and she went into labor. The baby died in utero but they were able to hold her and name her. Her name was Erin Michele. I am so sad for these friends. Not only for the loss of their daughter, but also because a bunch of us are friends from college and there are 3 others that are due at the same time. So, I know that will always serve as a reminder, not like she would ever forget. I have been praying constantly for them to feel comfort from God. So, please say a prayer for them.


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

One thing anyways!

So for a long time now when I am reading Matthew books or we're reading Bible stories I will ask him "Where does Jesus live?" For awhile because of his speech delay he said nothing, then he started saying "Werk.." which is Matthew speak for work, I think he thought Jesus tagged along with daddy. But today, when I asked he said, "In my heart" and pointed there. Talk about melting mine! WOW! It was one of those "ah-ha" moments as a mom. Where I just stood there, glad that age 2 years, 4months that my little boy knows that. That despite all the days that I am feeling " Man, am I screwing these kids up or what?", that with a prayerful and convicted heart I am hopeful that Matthew and Caroline will contiune to always know and believe that Jesus does live within them and that they live lives for Him based on a strong foundation that we layed for them!


Monday, August 27, 2007

God..a million,!

Ok, I posted about my MOPS frustrations with recruiting volunteers and then went upstairs to receive over five people who agreed to help! AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEENNNNN! I know those of us on the Steering team have been praying hard and to see these calls being returned and prayers being answered really gives me hope in alot of things in my life..He cares even about the details of my mom's group!! Cool!


I hope your not thinking there won't be anymore ranting! Come on people..its me were talking about!:))

Satan hates MOPS!..of course he does!

That pretty much says it all..and because of life has been not so fun lately!! Trying to get people to volunteer twice a month for two hours is near impossible!! I am about ready to say to someone when they say," I just can't this year.." WHATEVER!!! You can, you just SUCK and won't!! If your reading this and are one of those people..sorry blog hazard I guess. I don't take for granted one second of the time and effort that people put in at all!!! Its very much appreciated! Its just very stressful and its unbelievable how many won't help!!

Please be in prayer for this ministry! Its so great and that is probably the reason Satan hates it so!!


Sunday, August 26, 2007

Nice weekend away...

This weekend was a first for me in a long time, I think since I had Caroline...I got to sleep in two days in a row! My friend Sarah is pregnant and having a complication so I volunteered to come up to her house in Lansing and take care of her and just hang out. I was suppose to have a girls weekend with some high school friends so I already had "booked" Jeff:)

So, I headed out Friday evening around 5pm and arrived home around noon today. It was GLORIOUS!! We just hung out, rented movies, went out to eat twice (don't tell her doctor:). I made her some meals for her and her husband and twin 15month old girls to have this week. We spent time watching bad movies, bad tv, blog stalking..etc! It was so enjoyable to just DO NOTHING! I missed the kids but it was nice to have a break, especially on the heals of Jeff being gone and traveling with the kids to Chicago last week.

I can't believe summer is almost over! I am ready though. I love fall, except allergies, which have kicked in full force! Last night I was awake for almost 2 hours coughing and sneezing. Thank goodness for Zyrtec and Allergra!

Have a good week!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Heavy Heart

That is how I am feeling tonight..the trip to Chicago went pretty good. Although, it was really hard to see that my mom's disease has taken a toll on her muscles. Its really weird..she has problems with her proximtal muscles,which are where your muscles meet up with other sets of muscles. So, she can't pick the kids up or hold them really. She has a lot of trouble getting her legs into a car. Its like the are paralyzed. She has to literally pick them up and put them into position. But, thankfully, she can walk and climb stairs. Her medicine has also had a lot of crappy side affects like a horrible mouth sore that isn't healing and losing lots of hair and growing hair in areas you don't want hair. Her spirits seem better than when we had her party but she is definetly not herself. The kids had fun there..but I realized how much I relied on my mom to help me in the past for sure. Matthew loved the children's museum I took him to so all in all it was a good trip, just different.

When I got home I checked the Bucks blog and my heart just really aches for them and especially for Josh. I can't imagine the irritation he must feel daily. I was telling a friend that I spend so much time thinking about him during the day and wishing that I had a magic wand to make it all "better". As, I read Shelly's post and then immediately spoke to my mom who had some more discouraging and dissapointing news about our family friend who is recently divorced I felt annoyed with God. Kind of like.." YOu have the magic can make these people's lives better..DO IT!!" I then went to small group and vented about some of the things I was feeling and that helped. But, as I drove home I defintely felt like instead of feeling just sad for these people, I need to pray specifically for the hardships they face and the struggles the so graciously admit to having! Me feeling bad for my friend or Josh doesn't serve any purpose and getting angry with God certainly doesn't. But, specific, daily prayer can!

My heart is already lighter!