Monday, May 22, 2006

Walking, walking

Well, its offically, Matthew is walking! He went from cruising only on Tuesday to completly walking on Thursday. Man, do I know my little guy. I told the dr that, Matthew only does things when he is able to master them. Today, he tried to RUN down our driveway and fell thankfully no injuries were sustained!! Well, I think summer weather is finally on its way, they are forcasting 80's for Memorial Day Weekend!! Yipeee We are heading to Lansing on Sunday to our little friend Jacob's baptism and hopefully to see my friend Sarah's twin daughers Stella and Josie! They are finally home from the hospital! Yipee again! Nothing else, I am boring!!


Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I have to first say that during this pregnancy I have definetly found myself much more at peace in trusting God and not worrying constantly about the babies health. But, my friends good friend just found out that the little boy she is carrying has a birth defect, actually a few. Ever since that, I have found myself falling back into the pattern of last pregnancy, constantly Googling stats, birth defects, etc. Obsessing over my ultrasound pics for any problems. I don't want to be like that. The thing is, it doesn't matter, no matter what, this baby is ours and no matter what it comes out with, God has privledged us with this child. I have several people praying for me so the neurosis is subsiding gradually, but still I feel disappointed in myself for letting it get to me. I had another ultrasound on Monday because the little bambino wouldn't stay still long enough to have its heartbeat heard. It was amazing, moving all around, you could see its little hands, its head, legs, all there by the way. Even its little mouth. So much in awe of God in times like that, so amazing that of what He is capable of, just so amazing. We find out on June 5th what we are having. Can't wait. Oh, get this, one of our names for a girl is Caroline or Catherine. My sister, who has two children and is done, said that she would be mad if I named a girl either name, because they were her names. PLEASE!! That is so annoying, I guess she will just have to be mad!


Thursday, May 11, 2006


I joked with Jeff when we moved back to Kalamazoo that I was afraid of getting too involved in a church, that its much better just to drift in and out of different ones, or go to Willow Creek, where you get lost in the shuffle. Seriously, getting involved has been such a blessing to us and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel like God is really using me and the experiences I am having are causing great growth. But, lately I have been so frustrated with not knowing how to communicate effectively what I am feeling. Today, I had to make a very difficult phone call and now I am not as excited to plan for our next L3 session. I feel like Satan is totally using that to his advantage and I will not be a pawn in his game! AHHHHHHHHHH! I have to remember that I can do all things through Christ who strenghens me!


Tuesday, May 09, 2006


Matthew is one crazy boy!! That kid is constantly trying to play with anything that isn't a toy. He loves playing with the kitchen chairs, trying to pull them on top of himself, getting into the bathroom, playing in the toliet, with toliet paper, going through my cookbooks and making a huge mess! I have to say sometimes I feel like all I do all day is run after him saying, "NO NO NO NO!" Its tiring, but still he is such a joy to me! Especially when its snuggle time. He is so precious to me. My BSF class is ending in a couple weeks and I am so sad about it. I have really enjoyed it and feel like God has taught me so much. I feel very close to Him, closer than ever and really feel like I am on the path He wants for me. I almost feel like I am too blessed if that makes sense! I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, I know that isn't the right attitude, it just seems like I am not worthy of all I have.


Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Tiny movements

I wonder if anyone reads my blog, no one ever comments if they do??? Oh well, feel free to write if you want, I would love to know who reads it??!! Matthew is taking his nap, he has been doing something new lately when its time for naps, he puts his little hands under is head and curls up on my shoulder right by my heart. It melts me everytime. I feel like my baby will be gone soon, and when the new baby comes, I won't have as much time to snuggle him. I know that isn't true, that we will establish a new pattern. But, he only does it with me, like he knows he is safe and comfy with me and wants to cuddle. I could rock him forever and there are times when I just fall asleep with him and feel like the luckiest person in the world. I am thinking alot about our old youth Pastor whose daughter died last August and would have been one today. I just feel so bad for them and sometimes feel guilty for what I have. I wish there wasn't pain like that for people to endure. I know that its not God doing it and that we will see our loved ones that have gone on to Heaven one day and it will be a joyous reunion. But, I also can imagine the excrutiating pain of a loss like that. When I worked with people who lossed love ones in Chicago, it seemed like especially when you lose a child, you never are fully the same. You go on, you live life, you even get to a point where you enjoy aspects of it, but with or without God, your never the same. The grief of that must be hard too. A loss of all you once were. I pray for them constantly and hope they are lifted up by the prayers. It also makes me all that more grateful for the blessings that have been given to me. To never take it for granted,ever.
Ok, on a lighter note, I have been feeling the baby move, tiny little flutters, so cool. It makes it more real. I seriously sometimes forget I am pregnant. We find out in three weeks what we are having, can't wait!!