Well, I have managed to survive six weeks of work without another "incident". I am learning the various job duties and responsibilities and finding my way. I really enjoy the work I am doing. It is challenging, demanding, hard, rewarding, and a priviledge. To be able to come along side individuals who are in difficult situations is what I have always liked about being a social worker. I am adjusting to working nights and as of now, I like it. The vibe in the hospital at night is laid back and working part time allows me to catch up on missed sleep and have time with the family too. Summer is in full swing here. The balance of the kids going to Curious Kids daycare two to three days a week, and being home and being able to hang out has been good. Ellie joined Matthew and Caroline at CK this summer and is love being with the "big kids". They have lots of fun activities, field trips and weekly visits to a lake for swimming. Jeff is planning on taking the kids to Silver Lake again for our annual vacation with his side of the family. I won't be able to join him this year as I have no vacation until August. The kids have already gone to Vacation Bible School and Caroline and Matthew both have camps planned, Caroline is going to the Springhill day camp she loved last year and Matthew is going to WMU's hockey camp. Poor Ellie gets to hang with mom for a few more years until she is old enough. Although if you ask her she will emphatically state, "ME BIG KID TOO!"
Matthew had his follow-up apt with the pediatric neurologist last week and we found out that his MRI did show an abnormality, even though we were initially told it was fine. He has something called a heterotopia on the right side of his cerebellum. It is very rare and it is hard to find out things about it. Basically it doesn't change much as far as how we are treating his symptoms, the heterotopia does offer additional explanation of some of his struggles though, and the neurologist feels he still has mild cp. When I first heard this news, I will admit, I was freaked out. Mostly because I thought his MRI was fine and also because children who have heterotopias often develop a seizure issue in their teenage years. But, after talking with the neurologist and his pediatrician, I feel incredibly blessed. A heterotopia is basically a miscollection of cells that are found in the grey matter of the brain. Many children who have this die in utero or are born with profound impairments. Matthew is blessed. Sure, he struggles with some things, but he is a normal, happy, typical eight year old boy. We are so grateful that we continue to have the means to get him the assistance and support he needs to be all HE desires. I couldn't help but remember the sixth week of my pregnancy with Matthew as I have dealt with this new spin on his diagnosis. Due to several issues with my blood work, spotting and the OB/GYN not being able to find a heartbeat, they recommended I schedule a D and C. I refused and pleaded with them to wait a week and they agreed. I remember this all happened over the Labor Day holiday and I was so terrified and scared that we had lost out little baby. I have never been as happy as when I saw that little blip of a heartbeat, going strong on the screen. Our baby, our Matthew, was a fighter. He has forged his own way, even from the beginning. We're so thankful to be blessed with our incredibly unique, sweet son!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Worst first day of work ever.
Many things have happened since I last posted. I graduated from WMU. I got my dream job as an ER social worker. Jeff and I celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary. I started my new job and made it about five hours before I promptly fainted, smashing my head into a cart when I fell, cutting my head open, which required five stitches to close. How did this happen? Did I see something horrible and bloody and awful? The simple answer to that is, no. Basically what happened is that ever since my surgery five years ago, I get spells of low blood sugar. I can tell they are coming on because I feel light headed, start to get sweaty, and usually have to sit down and wait it out. Because I had just started this job, I certainly didn't want to look like a slacker. I realize now perhaps slacker would have been better than "girl who faints". It truly was one of the most humiliating experiences in my life. When I fell, I lost consciousness for nearly a minute which required them to do a full workup of an EKG, catscan, bloodwork, and of course the stitches and i.v. that had to pump some heavy duty pain meds to cut the throbbing pain in my head. The staff was incredibly professional and understanding and tried to set my mind at ease. My job counterpart was truly awesome and I feel like we are fast friends after she had to help me do many personal things when they were doing all the tests. Nothing builds friendship like having a person you barely know help you take off your bra for an EKG!! Two days later, I have a pretty yucky cut, stitches, a concussion, lots of bruises, and a wounded ego. Yesterday I panicked and wondered if I could do this job? What if hadn't been low blood sugar? What if I can't handle all the trauma I will see in the ER? I have never been someone who is grossed out easily or gets woozy from much but Thursday's events rattled me some and definitely had me doubting. After consulting with my friends, one who is a physicians assistant in the ER and another who is an ER attending physician, I don't think that is the case. I think it was a perfect storm of not enough sleep, adrenaline from starting a new job, low blood sugar, not sitting down and some crap bad luck. I go back to work on Monday. I have had the weekend to rest and am feeling better. Thanks to my wonderful husband, who has reassured me that it was just a fluke, and that I will learn the job and get used to the night shift, I am ready to begin again. At the end of the day, I can't change any of it. I am trying to laugh about it. I will admit it makes for a great story and forever more when people ask me how I got the scar above my eyebrow, I can say, "Oh that? Now that is a great story!" Isn't that what life is all about? Taking some of the crappier moments in life and making them just a part of a great story? Here's hoping!
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Matthew Simpson, age 8
Matthew will be eight on Sunday. How the heck did that happen? It does seem like only yesterday that I looked at his jaundice little face in the hospital. Wasn't it only days ago that we traveled from Rolling Meadows, Illinois to our new home in Portage, when he was a mere three weeks old? What a journey its been for my first born and me. Matthew taught me how much I could really love someone. He also taught me many things I never knew I needed to learn. That being a nanny isn't the same as being a mom. That being a mom is hard. That just when you think you know it all, you really know nothing. We've made our way, Matthew and I, and oh, how we've grown. I love this boy with all my heart. I have seen him grow into such a mature, wonderful person, especially in this past year. Matthew is kind and sweet, loving and sensitive. He's funny and witty and wise. I know, I probably seem obnoxious, but too bad, he's my boy and I am proud.
Since his diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy last year, Matthew has been introduced to several different types of therapies and excersises to help him become stronger. He usually is a good sport about doing the exercises that his therapist require of him. He loves hockey and tries his best to be the best dang hockey player in Kalamazoo. He is improving and has so much fun playing, which really is all you want for your kids, to love what they do. He is adored by his sisters, especially Ellie. Truth be told, Caroline can take him or leave him at times, but only in the typical, sibling rivalry way. Matthew loves his grandparents and enjoys spending hours discussing the world with his Papa Bert.
Matthew loves his friends, most of whom live in our neighborhood. He loves hanging out, playing some type of video game or "war" outside with his buddies. He is looking forward to celebrating his birthday later this summer with some special friends at an amusement park.
Matthew tolerates school:) He has never been a huge fan and this year is no different, but he has many friends and is well behaved. Actually, he has turned into the kid who can't stand to get in trouble. Matthew gets very anxious if he thinks he is in trouble. We've had to remind him that everyone has bad days and all we expect of him is to always do his best.
Happy 8th Birthday Matthew! What joy you've brought to our lives.
Since his diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy last year, Matthew has been introduced to several different types of therapies and excersises to help him become stronger. He usually is a good sport about doing the exercises that his therapist require of him. He loves hockey and tries his best to be the best dang hockey player in Kalamazoo. He is improving and has so much fun playing, which really is all you want for your kids, to love what they do. He is adored by his sisters, especially Ellie. Truth be told, Caroline can take him or leave him at times, but only in the typical, sibling rivalry way. Matthew loves his grandparents and enjoys spending hours discussing the world with his Papa Bert.
Matthew loves his friends, most of whom live in our neighborhood. He loves hanging out, playing some type of video game or "war" outside with his buddies. He is looking forward to celebrating his birthday later this summer with some special friends at an amusement park.
Matthew tolerates school:) He has never been a huge fan and this year is no different, but he has many friends and is well behaved. Actually, he has turned into the kid who can't stand to get in trouble. Matthew gets very anxious if he thinks he is in trouble. We've had to remind him that everyone has bad days and all we expect of him is to always do his best.
Happy 8th Birthday Matthew! What joy you've brought to our lives.
Monday, April 08, 2013
To climb a mountain
I recently found a new blog, The Wilder Coast, www.thewildercoast.com, which is just fabulous. I have been reading about the blog's author, Melina's,adventures in climbing, kayaking, skiing, traveling, and just generally living and loving. While I have never been a real outdoor enthusiast, I have found myself reminiscing of the hiking and climbing trip I took to Colorado way back in 1992.
I was a junior in high school and very involved in a Christian youth organization called, Young Life. I loved Young Life! I am fairly certain that had it not been for their Windy Gap camp, which is nestled in the mountains of North Carolina, I would never have become a christian. I met Jesus at Windy Gap. I remember being completely overwhelmed with what Christ did for me, while I sat in their auditorium one hot, July night. It holds a very dear place in my heart.
When deciding what camp I wanted to go to the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I decided to go to Wilderness. Wilderness is a seven day hiking and climbing trip in the San Juan mountains. While Windy Gap was a week of spectacular luxury, Wilderness was all about putting everything you owned in a backpack, cooking your own food, sleeping in tents, going to the bathroom outside(in a toliet you dug!) and NOT SHOWERING for the duration of the week. It is important, at this point, to remember that I AM NOT A NO SHOWERING kind of a gal. In fact, I have been known to be a "two shower a day" kind. For the life of me, I can't really understand what motivated me to sign up. I remember buying all the gear, wearing my trusty brand new hiking boots around my hometown, proclaiming to anyone that would listen, that I was going hiking..in COLORADO to boot,( pun intended). It is also worth noting that I was in about the same shape in high school that I am now. Not the greatest. Although I was on the swim team back then, so I had that going for me.
I remember arriving to the base camp and being overcome with altitude sickness. Nausea and general maliase. It was about this time, that fear began to creep into my soul.We were all assigned our gear, loaded it into our packs and then headed to bed for our last night of sleeping in a real bed for seven days. The next morning, when it was still dark, we began our trek up from base camp, into the mountains. I made it about three hours before I literally wanted to die. I remember thinking that there was absolutely nothing in my pack that I needed, and was dead serious about wanting to fling it ,and its contents over the edge of the mountain. Each step I took seemed to take an enormous amount of effort. Somehow I managed to make it to the spot we were camping at that night. I was still dealing with the effects of altitude sickness and let's just say that I spend a majority of the night stooped over the freshly dug bathroom hole. I felt feverish , exhausted and miserable. The next morning we began again and the day was much like the first, not fun. The third day was the low point. We were climbing to the peak and it was grueling. At one point I just sat down on the trail, cried and demanded that everyone just go on with out me. I could not take one more step. The counselors, in their grace and patience, tried to inspire me with bible verses and promises that God would see me through this. I definitely did not find solace in their promises. I remember telling them that I was good to die right there if it meant not having to walk anymore. It was on this third day that I began to witness some wonderful selflessness. One of the counselors took several items out of my pack and distributed it amongst other hikers who had volunteered to help literally lighten my load. Two of these campers were guys I went to high school with. They were the guys you would literally be mortified to show weakness in front of. (Cute, popular, etc). I could have cared less. The rest of the day was a little less like hell, with my newly lightened load. By the next morning I had a renewed resolve to suck it up and do this hiking thing. I realized that in my self-loathing and misery, I was missing so much of the beauty and majesty around me. We were in the midst of the San Juan mountains and I all I was managing to do was wish it all away. I decided to change my attitude the next day. I realized that hiking would still be hard, and the upcoming rock climbing would perhaps kill me, but I would try to embrace the adventure. The next days were filled with wonderful sights of majestic peaks, beautiful, glistening streams, thunderstorms that literally rolled under our sleeping bags as we slept. There was such power in the beauty that surrounded me. There was power in the vulnerability that I felt. There was grace in cool kids taking my pack contents without judgement. There was redemption in knowing that you literally could be at your lowest and feel the collective power of the holy spirit raising you out of your despair.
The rock climbing we did on the last day was physically the most demanding thing I have ever done. I am sorry to say that I may have temporarily lost my positive attitude yet again, while I struggled to hold myself onto those damn rocks with my bare hands. I hated every minute of it. But, when I reached the top, HOLY accomplishment. Worth every grueling moment on that rock. The sights and scenery were somehow sweeter because I had worked so hard to get to it.
By the time I came off the mountain seven days later, dirty and smellier than I have ever been in my life, I felt invigorated. I had made it. I was changed. The thing was, I had no idea how powerful that trip would be for me in the months and years to come. It was nearly twenty two years ago that I took that trip to Colorado. I am amazed that I continue to learn lessons from the mountains,the rocks, the struggles, and the accomplishments of it all.
As my graduation from Western draws near, I find myself drawing many parallels between my trip and the experience of going back to school at age 36, married with three little children. There are many similarities of moments in graduate school where I felt my load was too heavy to bear. I have spent much of the last two years processing my own "stuff", writing, reading, participating in groups, and working at two internships. My internship this year at the Children's Trauma Assessment Center has been some of the most difficult work I have ever done. There were times when I felt like the same girl who was clinging for dear life to the side of that rock, all those years ago. Moments of despair over the many injustices and cruelities children in our world are subjected to brought me to my knees in anguish many a Friday night, after the assessments were done, and the children and I forever went out separate ways.
Three weeks from now, I will reach the peak, so to speak:), and graduate. I am proud of my accomplishment. I am grateful for all the people who helped me make it through these last two years. I am thankful for all the wonderful new friends and professionals I have met along this journey. Currently, I do not have a job, so the next adventure remains to be seen. I know that all of my collective experiences, from Wilderness to Western, have equipped me to take it one step at a time, one day at a time, with some help with my "stuff" along the way, I will hopefully see a few more peaks in this crazy adventure called life!
I was a junior in high school and very involved in a Christian youth organization called, Young Life. I loved Young Life! I am fairly certain that had it not been for their Windy Gap camp, which is nestled in the mountains of North Carolina, I would never have become a christian. I met Jesus at Windy Gap. I remember being completely overwhelmed with what Christ did for me, while I sat in their auditorium one hot, July night. It holds a very dear place in my heart.
When deciding what camp I wanted to go to the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I decided to go to Wilderness. Wilderness is a seven day hiking and climbing trip in the San Juan mountains. While Windy Gap was a week of spectacular luxury, Wilderness was all about putting everything you owned in a backpack, cooking your own food, sleeping in tents, going to the bathroom outside(in a toliet you dug!) and NOT SHOWERING for the duration of the week. It is important, at this point, to remember that I AM NOT A NO SHOWERING kind of a gal. In fact, I have been known to be a "two shower a day" kind. For the life of me, I can't really understand what motivated me to sign up. I remember buying all the gear, wearing my trusty brand new hiking boots around my hometown, proclaiming to anyone that would listen, that I was going hiking..in COLORADO to boot,( pun intended). It is also worth noting that I was in about the same shape in high school that I am now. Not the greatest. Although I was on the swim team back then, so I had that going for me.
I remember arriving to the base camp and being overcome with altitude sickness. Nausea and general maliase. It was about this time, that fear began to creep into my soul.We were all assigned our gear, loaded it into our packs and then headed to bed for our last night of sleeping in a real bed for seven days. The next morning, when it was still dark, we began our trek up from base camp, into the mountains. I made it about three hours before I literally wanted to die. I remember thinking that there was absolutely nothing in my pack that I needed, and was dead serious about wanting to fling it ,and its contents over the edge of the mountain. Each step I took seemed to take an enormous amount of effort. Somehow I managed to make it to the spot we were camping at that night. I was still dealing with the effects of altitude sickness and let's just say that I spend a majority of the night stooped over the freshly dug bathroom hole. I felt feverish , exhausted and miserable. The next morning we began again and the day was much like the first, not fun. The third day was the low point. We were climbing to the peak and it was grueling. At one point I just sat down on the trail, cried and demanded that everyone just go on with out me. I could not take one more step. The counselors, in their grace and patience, tried to inspire me with bible verses and promises that God would see me through this. I definitely did not find solace in their promises. I remember telling them that I was good to die right there if it meant not having to walk anymore. It was on this third day that I began to witness some wonderful selflessness. One of the counselors took several items out of my pack and distributed it amongst other hikers who had volunteered to help literally lighten my load. Two of these campers were guys I went to high school with. They were the guys you would literally be mortified to show weakness in front of. (Cute, popular, etc). I could have cared less. The rest of the day was a little less like hell, with my newly lightened load. By the next morning I had a renewed resolve to suck it up and do this hiking thing. I realized that in my self-loathing and misery, I was missing so much of the beauty and majesty around me. We were in the midst of the San Juan mountains and I all I was managing to do was wish it all away. I decided to change my attitude the next day. I realized that hiking would still be hard, and the upcoming rock climbing would perhaps kill me, but I would try to embrace the adventure. The next days were filled with wonderful sights of majestic peaks, beautiful, glistening streams, thunderstorms that literally rolled under our sleeping bags as we slept. There was such power in the beauty that surrounded me. There was power in the vulnerability that I felt. There was grace in cool kids taking my pack contents without judgement. There was redemption in knowing that you literally could be at your lowest and feel the collective power of the holy spirit raising you out of your despair.
The rock climbing we did on the last day was physically the most demanding thing I have ever done. I am sorry to say that I may have temporarily lost my positive attitude yet again, while I struggled to hold myself onto those damn rocks with my bare hands. I hated every minute of it. But, when I reached the top, HOLY accomplishment. Worth every grueling moment on that rock. The sights and scenery were somehow sweeter because I had worked so hard to get to it.
By the time I came off the mountain seven days later, dirty and smellier than I have ever been in my life, I felt invigorated. I had made it. I was changed. The thing was, I had no idea how powerful that trip would be for me in the months and years to come. It was nearly twenty two years ago that I took that trip to Colorado. I am amazed that I continue to learn lessons from the mountains,the rocks, the struggles, and the accomplishments of it all.
As my graduation from Western draws near, I find myself drawing many parallels between my trip and the experience of going back to school at age 36, married with three little children. There are many similarities of moments in graduate school where I felt my load was too heavy to bear. I have spent much of the last two years processing my own "stuff", writing, reading, participating in groups, and working at two internships. My internship this year at the Children's Trauma Assessment Center has been some of the most difficult work I have ever done. There were times when I felt like the same girl who was clinging for dear life to the side of that rock, all those years ago. Moments of despair over the many injustices and cruelities children in our world are subjected to brought me to my knees in anguish many a Friday night, after the assessments were done, and the children and I forever went out separate ways.
Three weeks from now, I will reach the peak, so to speak:), and graduate. I am proud of my accomplishment. I am grateful for all the people who helped me make it through these last two years. I am thankful for all the wonderful new friends and professionals I have met along this journey. Currently, I do not have a job, so the next adventure remains to be seen. I know that all of my collective experiences, from Wilderness to Western, have equipped me to take it one step at a time, one day at a time, with some help with my "stuff" along the way, I will hopefully see a few more peaks in this crazy adventure called life!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Lent and other stuff..
Today is Fat Tuesday. The Simpsons have all had their packzis! The Lenten season is one of aspects of my faith that I treasure . I love having an opportunity to spend 40 days righting my heart. To take a step away from the busyness of everyday life and become closer to God. As my children get older they surprise me in the ways in which they convict me. Matthew asked me the other day if I could give up going on Facebook when I am at home for Lent. I thought about it for a minute and of course said yes I could. How could I say no to my guy? There is no reason I have to be on Facebook at home or ever really. There are about a million more productive things I could accomplish with the time I waste on FB. So, there you have part of my Lenten commitment. The other part coincides with my New Year's resolution, to be more intentional with the time that I have. While I won't be on FB, I am sure I could find other time sucks to replace it with. My desire is to spend time with the kids playing games, reading books or just hanging out. Enjoying each other. Not yelling, nagging or disciplining. As I type this I realize it may sound lofty and idealistic but isn't that at the heart of any well intended goal?
I am hoping to prayerfully seek God's direction in leading my heart towards a post graduate job. My season as a graduate student is coming to and end. I have begun to search for a full time job. Thinking about what working full time as an MSW can be overwhelming to me at times. I have been very comfortable as a full time student and intern. Transitioning to a full time employee does intimidate me. What will it look like for me and my family? What will daycare look like for the kids this summer and next year? How flexible will my job be ? So many what ifs. It is exciting but scary all at the same time. Talk about ambivalence!
The kids are all doing well. Matthew is getting older and more mature to me with every passing day. After his MRI a few weeks ago, Jeff and I took him out to eat. We had such an enjoyable time. I told Jeff that I am eager for all of our kids to transition to the stage where Matthew is at. My parenting skills seem to compliment it so much more than the obstacles I have faced when parenting little ones. Caroline is working very hard at practicing her best behavior at school. I am so proud of how far she has come. She tries very hard and is one smart cookie. Caroline just started Daisy Scouts and loves it! Ellie is doing so well in her speech preschool program that they are moving her to a more mature afternoon class. She is talking up a storm these days and becoming quite the little lady. Now that she is moving to an afternoon class I can sign her up for a dance class which she has been begging to go to. All those Saturdays of being dragged to Caroline's classes have rubbed off on little sister.
As I close this post out, I realize it is a little all over the place. I guess that is representative of where we are as a family these days too. Trying to coordinate faith, family, schedules and making sure there is time for some fun along the way. The goal for this blog of mine has always been to keep a virtual diary of the things we've done during this season of life. As life gets busier it seems there isn't always time for documenting here. But then I remember what a gift the record of having the last eight years of our lives written in a space is. So, I make the effort to make the time. To write it down. To reflect on where we've been and where we're going. To put out there goals and aspirations and commitments. For accountability and encouragement along the way.
I am hoping to prayerfully seek God's direction in leading my heart towards a post graduate job. My season as a graduate student is coming to and end. I have begun to search for a full time job. Thinking about what working full time as an MSW can be overwhelming to me at times. I have been very comfortable as a full time student and intern. Transitioning to a full time employee does intimidate me. What will it look like for me and my family? What will daycare look like for the kids this summer and next year? How flexible will my job be ? So many what ifs. It is exciting but scary all at the same time. Talk about ambivalence!
The kids are all doing well. Matthew is getting older and more mature to me with every passing day. After his MRI a few weeks ago, Jeff and I took him out to eat. We had such an enjoyable time. I told Jeff that I am eager for all of our kids to transition to the stage where Matthew is at. My parenting skills seem to compliment it so much more than the obstacles I have faced when parenting little ones. Caroline is working very hard at practicing her best behavior at school. I am so proud of how far she has come. She tries very hard and is one smart cookie. Caroline just started Daisy Scouts and loves it! Ellie is doing so well in her speech preschool program that they are moving her to a more mature afternoon class. She is talking up a storm these days and becoming quite the little lady. Now that she is moving to an afternoon class I can sign her up for a dance class which she has been begging to go to. All those Saturdays of being dragged to Caroline's classes have rubbed off on little sister.
As I close this post out, I realize it is a little all over the place. I guess that is representative of where we are as a family these days too. Trying to coordinate faith, family, schedules and making sure there is time for some fun along the way. The goal for this blog of mine has always been to keep a virtual diary of the things we've done during this season of life. As life gets busier it seems there isn't always time for documenting here. But then I remember what a gift the record of having the last eight years of our lives written in a space is. So, I make the effort to make the time. To write it down. To reflect on where we've been and where we're going. To put out there goals and aspirations and commitments. For accountability and encouragement along the way.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Evolving faith
The concept of evolving faith has been on my mind and in my heart a lot as of late. I always seem to go through what I call "spiritual crisis" every few years or so. I will wrestle with topics, values, ideals, and almost always with God himself. At the end of it all I come out firmer in my faith, sure of where I stand. These past two years of graduate school have tested my faith like no other years in my life. For the first time, in a long time, I was surrounded by many people who not only did not share my spiritual faith but they were questioning of it. I have felt several times that people I have met at WMU have judged me by my label as being a Christian. Now, I can not blame all of this on "the people" as it were. I spoke up and made sure my view points and ideals known on several occasions. I was and am an unapologetic Christian. I believe in Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. Still.
But here's the thing. What that means for me has evolved. For the last 15 years I would say I most certainly related to a evangelical approach to faith. I believed that the whole point to being a Christian was to spread the word, get people to subscribe and believe in the Word and change their lives accordingly. If you did things that were against God's will or His word, then you'd have to change those things. I was sorry if it offended but, well, too bad. Over the past year especially I simply don't subscribe to that. I have wrestled with it, prayed about it, cried over it and done some very real soul searching. At the end of the day I feel that God is more interested in so much more than rules. It can be so very easy to sit in your cushy life where truly everything, in the grand scheme of things, is very easy and demand that people follow your way to God. Instead I am choosing to continue to love my God in the ways I have always known and those that have been revealed to me in the last six months or so. There is so much pain and sadness in this world. Real. true. heartache. Each Friday when I leave my internship I am in awe of the hell that many children in my community endure. Utter Hell. I want to be Jesus to those children. I want to be the minute in the hours of their pain and struggle that isn't so horrible. When I am at the Boys and Girls Club on Thursday night working with kids who've witnessed profound violence, I want the time they spend with me to be one of peace and calm and a gentle smile.
I want to continue to read and study God's word. I believe in it. I know first hand that it is relevant and it has the power to transform lives. Perhaps my immersion back into social work was the catalyst to this change within my faith, I may never know and really, I don't care. I feel stronger to my God than I have in a long time. I am thankful that God's grace is always available to me and eager to transform me.
But here's the thing. What that means for me has evolved. For the last 15 years I would say I most certainly related to a evangelical approach to faith. I believed that the whole point to being a Christian was to spread the word, get people to subscribe and believe in the Word and change their lives accordingly. If you did things that were against God's will or His word, then you'd have to change those things. I was sorry if it offended but, well, too bad. Over the past year especially I simply don't subscribe to that. I have wrestled with it, prayed about it, cried over it and done some very real soul searching. At the end of the day I feel that God is more interested in so much more than rules. It can be so very easy to sit in your cushy life where truly everything, in the grand scheme of things, is very easy and demand that people follow your way to God. Instead I am choosing to continue to love my God in the ways I have always known and those that have been revealed to me in the last six months or so. There is so much pain and sadness in this world. Real. true. heartache. Each Friday when I leave my internship I am in awe of the hell that many children in my community endure. Utter Hell. I want to be Jesus to those children. I want to be the minute in the hours of their pain and struggle that isn't so horrible. When I am at the Boys and Girls Club on Thursday night working with kids who've witnessed profound violence, I want the time they spend with me to be one of peace and calm and a gentle smile.
I want to continue to read and study God's word. I believe in it. I know first hand that it is relevant and it has the power to transform lives. Perhaps my immersion back into social work was the catalyst to this change within my faith, I may never know and really, I don't care. I feel stronger to my God than I have in a long time. I am thankful that God's grace is always available to me and eager to transform me.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Holiday hooplah
Christmas has come and gone. The past month has been filled with many fun outings and general merriment! We started the month with the holiday tree lighting in our downtown. It was just like a Lifetime movie and the weather couldn't have been more perfect. We made a trip to Chicago to Grandma Betsy and Papa Lenny's . We went to Medinah for their annual Santa brunch. Last year we went and we all left thinking it was a little lame. Other people must have complained too because this year was much improved. They had face painters, lego land, a bouncy house and of course Santa! The kids got age appropriate lego sets and lots of candy! They were over the moon with excitement. Last weekend we had our annual neighborhood caroling party. This year was the largest turn out we've had. We had 10 families and over 30 kids! Our house was busting with kids and cocoa, wine and appetizers. The next day we traveled to Grosse Point to see my sister and her family. My parents were there also as they were spending Christmas there. We got to see their beautiful new home and the cousins got to hang out and play. On Christmas Eve we hosted our neighbors and Jeff's sister and her boys. We had a delicious beef tenderloin with all the trimmings. It was relaxing and laid back and a perfect way to spend the evening. We were awoken by Matthew at 4:30 AM!! on Christmas morning. We held him off until 6 and then the Christmas craziness began! We were all done with presents by 7:30 and after our traditional Christmas morning breakfast of egg casserole and cinnamon bread, went to Grandma Barb's to celebrate Christmas with Jeff's side of the family.
We came home and settled into a couple of days of playing and eventually fighting over toys and with each other. As the New Years approaches I am amused by the postings and blogs I am reading about everyone's resolutions of what they plan of changing, doing and being in 2013. The past several years I have used the excuse of busyness to basically blow the whole resolution idea off. But, I feel like maybe this year could be the year to set some goals and see them realized by the end of 2013. I would like to use my calendar in 2013. That probably sounds ridiculous but it is something I always have great intentions with but come February I am running to Hardings at 4am because I just realized Matthew has snack. With more therapies coming on board for Matthew, my reliance on the calendar will really be imperative more than any goal. We are simply too busy not to keep track of it all. I would like to be more intentional about the time I spend with Jeff. The other night we were watching t/v together and we ended up snuggling together on the couch. It was so nice and we never do it. Often after the wack-a-mole bedtime routine, we're exhausted and irritated and just retreat into our separate couches and veg. I would like to start doing more things together, even if it is watching t/v. I would like to be more successful with accomplishing daily quiet times. When I do this I have much more peace in my life. If I begin my day with a little coffee, prayer, Bible reading, and a few deep breaths for good measure, my life runs much smoother. I long for that yet I fail miserably at seeing these type of goals through. I am hopeful that I can change this in 2013! I would like to be more fiscally responsible in 2013. With student loans and school expenses and lots of trips to Biggby for studying and of course..COFFEE, my spending has been a little free these past few years. As Jeff continues to remind me, this needs reigning in. I promise to try harder. To think before buying, to clip a coupon and actually remember to use it at the store, to eat leftovers instead of ordering out, to pack my lunch.Would any New Years goals, resolutions, what have you, be complete without a "BE MORE HEALTHY" goal? Of course I have goals to lose weight, work out more, eat better on the agenda. But this year it is different! Why you may be asking yourself, well one tiny reason, MY 20th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION! It is in July and what better motivation than that do you need? Finally I have a goal of finding the right job when I graduate. I know I will be tempted to just get a job and a paycheck but I very much want the job that is the right match with where I have been and where I am going personally and professionally. So there you have it. The end of the year post. The wrap up of all things 2012. I hope you readers out there have a great New Years celebration. Be safe, see you in 2013! Peace!
We came home and settled into a couple of days of playing and eventually fighting over toys and with each other. As the New Years approaches I am amused by the postings and blogs I am reading about everyone's resolutions of what they plan of changing, doing and being in 2013. The past several years I have used the excuse of busyness to basically blow the whole resolution idea off. But, I feel like maybe this year could be the year to set some goals and see them realized by the end of 2013. I would like to use my calendar in 2013. That probably sounds ridiculous but it is something I always have great intentions with but come February I am running to Hardings at 4am because I just realized Matthew has snack. With more therapies coming on board for Matthew, my reliance on the calendar will really be imperative more than any goal. We are simply too busy not to keep track of it all. I would like to be more intentional about the time I spend with Jeff. The other night we were watching t/v together and we ended up snuggling together on the couch. It was so nice and we never do it. Often after the wack-a-mole bedtime routine, we're exhausted and irritated and just retreat into our separate couches and veg. I would like to start doing more things together, even if it is watching t/v. I would like to be more successful with accomplishing daily quiet times. When I do this I have much more peace in my life. If I begin my day with a little coffee, prayer, Bible reading, and a few deep breaths for good measure, my life runs much smoother. I long for that yet I fail miserably at seeing these type of goals through. I am hopeful that I can change this in 2013! I would like to be more fiscally responsible in 2013. With student loans and school expenses and lots of trips to Biggby for studying and of course..COFFEE, my spending has been a little free these past few years. As Jeff continues to remind me, this needs reigning in. I promise to try harder. To think before buying, to clip a coupon and actually remember to use it at the store, to eat leftovers instead of ordering out, to pack my lunch.Would any New Years goals, resolutions, what have you, be complete without a "BE MORE HEALTHY" goal? Of course I have goals to lose weight, work out more, eat better on the agenda. But this year it is different! Why you may be asking yourself, well one tiny reason, MY 20th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION! It is in July and what better motivation than that do you need? Finally I have a goal of finding the right job when I graduate. I know I will be tempted to just get a job and a paycheck but I very much want the job that is the right match with where I have been and where I am going personally and professionally. So there you have it. The end of the year post. The wrap up of all things 2012. I hope you readers out there have a great New Years celebration. Be safe, see you in 2013! Peace!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Diagnosis
Today we found out Matthew has mild cerebral palsy. As I have written before on this blog, we've suspected this for awhile now. We had to wait six months to get into the pediatric neurologist but we've been treating his symptoms with weekly occupational therapy and a home program as well for the past five months. Mostly Matthew's cerebral palsy affects his muscle tone, strength and balance. He does do some quirky things as well but the neurologist pointed out that these are compensations he's made to adjust to how the cerebral palsy makes his body feel. We had his blood tested today to rule out any muscle enzyme issues but the neurologist is fairly certain that isn't it. Once the tests come back, Matthew will have an MRI, to show if there is any brain damage. The MRI may not show any damage but he will still have a CP diagnosis. Physical therapy and a special speech therapy will be added to his therapies to help strengthen the various muscle groups that are affected. A few people have asked me how I feel to actually hear the confirmation from a medical professional that our son has cerebral palsy. Overwhelmingly, I feel grateful. Looking back on how Matthew's birth played out, I am so grateful that his cerebral palsy isn't more profound. In so many ways you would never even know that he struggles. I am grateful for experts and therapists and millions of opportunities that our son is afforded that will help him be the best Matthew Simpson he can be. I do feel a little guilty and a little sad that we didn't put this together earlier but feel that every time Matthew hit a bump in his development, we've met it head on, getting him therapies and support when it was needed. We have never buried our heads in the sand. Do I wish I could go back to that delivery room and changed the reality of what happened in that OR? Yes. At the end of the day, thinking of all the things you would do differently doesn't really serve any purpose. Instead we choose to move forward, figure out a therapy schedule, explain things to Matthew without freaking him out because there is no reason to freak out. My boy's got this.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
Memories
My blog is SEVEN years old! SEVEN YEARS PEOPLE! Do you know when the last time I stuck with something for SEVEN YEARS? That would be practically never, wait, I have nearly been married ten years so I guess that's a lie. Let's just say follow through and me are not kindred spirits! I am so thankful for this space of mine. I love that I have written memories of the past seven years of my life. I can tell you with certainty that they have been unlike any I have ever or will ever experience again. This parenting season of my life has stretched me to the point of insanity at times. I love that I am able to look back at the times when I thought I wouldn't last another moment and see that, in fact, I did. I love reading about the seasons, the people, the struggles, the failures and the accomplishments we've had as a family. I love that I started this blog with a six month old son and I now have a seven year old son and two daughters. I love that I admitted I was terrified to be expecting our little surprise three years ago and that three years later I can't imagine a world without an Ellie Simpson in it. I love that seven years later, as I approach my 10th wedding anniversary, I can see, on the computer screen how perfect Jeff and I are for each other. I love that those vows we said back in April of 2003 have come to be true. The words we said to each other back on the chilly Spring day have so much more meaning to me now, having lived life together. Having children and bills and real life happen has made me so grateful that I chose so wisely back then. I am grateful for the documentation I have of my children's lives. People who are older and always wiser than you tell you that you will forget these years. Some of them even dare to say I will miss this season one day, and as I read back on things I had long forgotten, I am at times brought to tears. My baby, who didn't say a word till he was two and a half, now is a bright, sensitive and articulate seven year old. Caroline blossomed from a colicky infant to a talented, sweet and spunky six year old. Ellie, who we couldn't even imagine having enough patience and time and love for has broken the mold for our hearts and our love for her and her brother and sister seems endless. The patience, well we're always a work in progress aren't we?! This blog has also taught me about the nastiness of people. With ill words and FB defriending and leaving a church we loved, in the end we realize there is ill will and craziness everywhere, even if it's masked and sometimes you need to step away and just say, Enough. Thankfully I have been blessed by the blog world much more than I have been hurt by it. Seven years later I am thankful and grateful for my piece of the internet!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Christmas Letters...
Anyone whose been reading here for any length of time may remember the post I wrote about Christmas letters and my family finding an imaginary one back when I was in high school! Well, I still love a good Christmas letter! But this year it just isn't happening. Plus with blogs, Facebook and just generally knowing too much about everyone we know this information isn't really news anyways. For those recipients on my Christmas list who don't have access to the social media out there, I may actually keep it old school and hand write a note to them. Can you even imagine?
Merry Christmas from the Simpson Family! Another year seems to have
flown by! We’ve all been keeping busy with our various activities. Matthew is
seven and in first grade. He is a good student but it has been an adjustment
for him being in school all day. He can’t imagine twelve more years of thisJ We haven’t
mentioned this doesn’t include college. Matthew is playing hockey and loves it!
He is all boy and loves to play street hockey with the neighbors! Caroline is
six and in kindergarten. She is also a good student but Caroline is our chatty
girl. We’re working on talking when appropriate and using our best listening
ears. Caroline is a talented artist and when she is home she can be found
coloring or creating some kind of crafty masterpiece. She played soccer this
fall and loved it. Caroline was in her first dance recital last year and is
doing tap/ballet combo class this year. Miss Ellie is three and our little
firecracker. She certainly keeps us on our toes being busy and sometimes a
little bit naughtyJ Ellie is in a special preschool
for children with speech delays four mornings a week. She is doing wonderfully
and her speech and language skills have greatly increased since September.
Ellie also goes to daycare three days a week and has lots of friends. Susan is
in the homestretch of her graduate Masters of Social work program at Western
Michigan University. This year her internship is at the Child Trauma Assessment
Center. She assesses children who are in the foster care system who are
struggling with various issues including fetal alcohol syndrome. It has been a
challenging internship but she is learning so much. Susan graduates in April,
one day after Jeff and Susan’s ten year wedding anniversary. It is big Spring
for the Simpson’s! She is eager to complete her schooling and Jeff is eager for
her to get a job J Speaking of Jeff, he continues to
work at Borgess Medical Center. He continues to coach the kid’s sports teams as
well. The Simpson family wishes you a very Merry Christmas and a
blessed New Year!
Friday, November 16, 2012
To be thankful
This year for Thanksgiving I will be thankful that I don't have breast cancer. In the last few months I have gone through the horrible process of trying to figure out whether or not I had breast cancer. Incredibly long story short, it all began with a mammogram and several mammorgrams/ultrasounds, doctors appointments and finally a biopsy. I got the call today that there are no cancer cells present in the suspicious area. 1. Praise God and 2. Good gravy what a ride it has been. I never would have thought it would take so long to find out if you have a life threatening illness. I guess I always thought it would be abrupt and horrific and maybe it is when you really do have cancer.
The upside to all this time was it gave me time to think about what being diagnosed with breast cancer would look like for me and my family. I think it would look somewhat scary and definitely inconvienient. But no one really can pick a time when a cancer diagnosis would be convenient. I know I would be supported. I know the community in which we live and do this thing called life would rally around me and my family. This knowledge has provided me much solace in these last few weeks. I have a few friends who have endured the harsh realities of facing breast cancer themselves. I am so grateful that I was able to email them or call them with the millions of questions that would go through my head at any given time.
I feel like I have dodged a bullet. I feel like I always dodge bullets. Sometimes I wonder what that's all about? I know some people who seem to take more bullets than is fair in a lifetime of living. Instead of dwelling in that guilt, I choose instead to celebrate my clean breast bill of health with a grateful heart. To live each healthy day I have to the fullest. Whether that means to put down the donut and get my butt outside for a walk, hug on my little lovies, give 110% to the children I am privledged to serve at my internship that have suffered so much and yet are trying to survive, I will be thankful for the health I have. I have realized in these past months how very easily we take our health for granted. I promise to honor my health more in these final months of 2012 and to embrace it with gusto in 2013! Here is my annual Thankful list 2012
10. Ellie's sweet little voice, especially when she says, "Me big now!"
9. t/v shows, because sometimes looking forward to a mindless hour of t/v gets you through the day
8. Coffee
7. A home that provides us shelter and a place to create memories
6. My MSW friends, I have made some wonderful friends in the program and am grateful for the influence they have had in my life.
5. Sweet Caroline. Her spunk and sass keeps me honest and praying!
4. Matthew. He is becoming quite the young man and I love having a son.
3. Jeff, I could not do life without him
2. Friends. Lifelong, new, and somewhere in the middle. They get you through it all and make it more fun!
1. Jesus. Because His grace and strength can help me conquer anything, even cancer.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
The upside to all this time was it gave me time to think about what being diagnosed with breast cancer would look like for me and my family. I think it would look somewhat scary and definitely inconvienient. But no one really can pick a time when a cancer diagnosis would be convenient. I know I would be supported. I know the community in which we live and do this thing called life would rally around me and my family. This knowledge has provided me much solace in these last few weeks. I have a few friends who have endured the harsh realities of facing breast cancer themselves. I am so grateful that I was able to email them or call them with the millions of questions that would go through my head at any given time.
I feel like I have dodged a bullet. I feel like I always dodge bullets. Sometimes I wonder what that's all about? I know some people who seem to take more bullets than is fair in a lifetime of living. Instead of dwelling in that guilt, I choose instead to celebrate my clean breast bill of health with a grateful heart. To live each healthy day I have to the fullest. Whether that means to put down the donut and get my butt outside for a walk, hug on my little lovies, give 110% to the children I am privledged to serve at my internship that have suffered so much and yet are trying to survive, I will be thankful for the health I have. I have realized in these past months how very easily we take our health for granted. I promise to honor my health more in these final months of 2012 and to embrace it with gusto in 2013! Here is my annual Thankful list 2012
10. Ellie's sweet little voice, especially when she says, "Me big now!"
9. t/v shows, because sometimes looking forward to a mindless hour of t/v gets you through the day
8. Coffee
7. A home that provides us shelter and a place to create memories
6. My MSW friends, I have made some wonderful friends in the program and am grateful for the influence they have had in my life.
5. Sweet Caroline. Her spunk and sass keeps me honest and praying!
4. Matthew. He is becoming quite the young man and I love having a son.
3. Jeff, I could not do life without him
2. Friends. Lifelong, new, and somewhere in the middle. They get you through it all and make it more fun!
1. Jesus. Because His grace and strength can help me conquer anything, even cancer.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Monday, November 05, 2012
Legacy
I have been thinking a lot lately about the kind of legacy I am leaving my children. Maybe it has to do with recollecting all my Grandma Satterfield taught me, maybe it is my internship at the Children's trauma assessment center, maybe it is my course work for my MSW program, who knows? What has weighed heavy on my soul is how your legacy can be for good or for very bad. I think of people I have known throughout the years, who have been taught through their family's example, how to be very destructive and evil. Thankfully, I have also known families whose legacy it has been to be loving, giving and faithful. I have read things lately around the blogesphere that have shown how sometimes people don't even know they are living an unrighteous legacy. They truly believe they are loving God and others but their actions and words exhibit such a different reality. It struck me how once a "bad" legacy gets started, the people involved in it seem to draw others into their lives that value and act in similar ways, thereby spreading the ugliness.
I am not perfect. I fall short in nearly every way possible. I like to think that I am pretty aware of my shortcomings however. I pray that I am always able to check myself and my motives. I pray that my friends and family continue to do this as well. I don't ever want to live a life that doesn't reflect a heart that is right.
I pray that my children are able to see me for my attributes but also for my faults. I hope they believe me when I apologize and see me honestly attempting to make it right. That they see me living differently. One of the most valuable gifts my MSW program has given me is the ability to see myself in new and different ways. Sometimes this has been great. I see where I am strong, where I have worked through some of the ugliness that is in me. Other times I realize that I am always a work in progress. I am a very raw material. I pray that I never get too cocky or complacent about my shortcomings. I want to continue striving to be the best me person I can be. I want to lead by example to all I am blessed to be in family, community and relationship with.
I am not perfect. I fall short in nearly every way possible. I like to think that I am pretty aware of my shortcomings however. I pray that I am always able to check myself and my motives. I pray that my friends and family continue to do this as well. I don't ever want to live a life that doesn't reflect a heart that is right.
I pray that my children are able to see me for my attributes but also for my faults. I hope they believe me when I apologize and see me honestly attempting to make it right. That they see me living differently. One of the most valuable gifts my MSW program has given me is the ability to see myself in new and different ways. Sometimes this has been great. I see where I am strong, where I have worked through some of the ugliness that is in me. Other times I realize that I am always a work in progress. I am a very raw material. I pray that I never get too cocky or complacent about my shortcomings. I want to continue striving to be the best me person I can be. I want to lead by example to all I am blessed to be in family, community and relationship with.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Grandma Satterfield
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my beloved grandma's death. She died on Halloween sixteen years ago. I realized the other day that she has almost been gone for as long as I had the privilege and honor to know and love her. I learned so much from my Grandma Satterfield. She was honest and wise and lovely. I remember spending time with her discussing her faith and what was important to her. Without a doubt the most important thing in my grandmother's life was her faith. It helped her persevere through some pretty horrific realities in her life including losing her eldest daughter, Leslie, to cancer at age five. Although the conversations we had about death, dying and suffering happened when I was in high school and college, her insights have stayed with me all these years later.
The holidays have always reminded me of my grandma because she would often spend several weeks at our house over the holidays. I fondly recollect her baking her special recipes and favorite treats that we had grown accustomed to her making for us.
I also remember the "look" she would give us when she was not happy with our behavior or how we were treating our mom. I do remember being irritated by it at the time but now realize that her "looks" always had loving intentions.
My grandmother died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm. Even sixteen years later, I vividly can recall that early morning call from my mother, telling me the news of her death. It was surreal and sad and awful. Her funeral was very fitting for the kind of woman my grandmother was, simple and religious. She was cremated so I never did see her after her death. In some ways that was difficult because I would often go several months without seeing her and I remember the reality of her death took a long time to sink in. Time and time again I would go to reach for the phone to call her and suddenly the reality of her death would come crashing over me. Waves of grief would over take me and I would feel so very sad that I would never talk to her here on Earth again. I would love to have one more conversation, one more opportunity to soak in her wisdom. Thankfully, I always told her how much I loved and appreciated her. I also find much solace in knowing that she longed to be reunited with her daughter and husband and I know she is resting in eternal peace with her Savior.
I have tried to honor my beloved grandmother in different ways over the last sixteen years. To live a faith filled life. To remember the importance of family. I named Caroline after her by giving her my grandmother's maiden name ,Carlysle .as a middle name. I tell my children stories of her and have pictures of both my grandma and grandpa in our home. I have often been surprised by how fortunate many of my friends are to have grandparents who are still living today. All of my grandparents, with the exception of one, were gone before I was 20. Still, I would not trade one moment or memory I have with my Grandma Satterfield. I was immeasurably blessed to have such a wonderful women in my life for twenty years.
The holidays have always reminded me of my grandma because she would often spend several weeks at our house over the holidays. I fondly recollect her baking her special recipes and favorite treats that we had grown accustomed to her making for us.
I also remember the "look" she would give us when she was not happy with our behavior or how we were treating our mom. I do remember being irritated by it at the time but now realize that her "looks" always had loving intentions.
My grandmother died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm. Even sixteen years later, I vividly can recall that early morning call from my mother, telling me the news of her death. It was surreal and sad and awful. Her funeral was very fitting for the kind of woman my grandmother was, simple and religious. She was cremated so I never did see her after her death. In some ways that was difficult because I would often go several months without seeing her and I remember the reality of her death took a long time to sink in. Time and time again I would go to reach for the phone to call her and suddenly the reality of her death would come crashing over me. Waves of grief would over take me and I would feel so very sad that I would never talk to her here on Earth again. I would love to have one more conversation, one more opportunity to soak in her wisdom. Thankfully, I always told her how much I loved and appreciated her. I also find much solace in knowing that she longed to be reunited with her daughter and husband and I know she is resting in eternal peace with her Savior.
I have tried to honor my beloved grandmother in different ways over the last sixteen years. To live a faith filled life. To remember the importance of family. I named Caroline after her by giving her my grandmother's maiden name ,Carlysle .as a middle name. I tell my children stories of her and have pictures of both my grandma and grandpa in our home. I have often been surprised by how fortunate many of my friends are to have grandparents who are still living today. All of my grandparents, with the exception of one, were gone before I was 20. Still, I would not trade one moment or memory I have with my Grandma Satterfield. I was immeasurably blessed to have such a wonderful women in my life for twenty years.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Snuggles
I was talking to Jaime, Sam's mom, today about how in the last several months Ellie wakes up from anywhere from 4-6a.m. and comes into our room announcing in her gruff little voice, "MY BELLY HURTS!" It doesn't really hurt, that is her ploy for sympathy and in hopes that we will let her crawl between us, snuggle in and go back to sleep. Well I guess I can't really call it a ploy because the littlest Simpson owns us. We let her in every.single.time. It's just too cute and she goes right back to sleep and well, I really don't care. She is three. In light of all of the relatively crappy news we have heard over the last several years about sick kids, my opinions on things like sleep training have been brought into glaring perspective. Kids we know directly or though other friends, are struggling with knowing that their child could die or are enduring horrific medical treatments. Many parents have had to face the horrible reality of losing their child. My kid is fine. She is healthy and spunky and lovely and you know what? I am going to snuggle her up every minute I can. Not just because health and life is fleeting but because so is the amount of time I have that my little girl will want to snuggle between her parents. All too soon I know she will have to be pried out of her bed. She will stumble to the bathroom grouchily if she is anything like her mother, and I may get a "Whatever" if I am lucky. I will take all the, "Me love you best!" and early morning snuggles I can get. Mostly because I want to appreciate what I have, while I have it, but also because is there anything sweeter than a toddler in the middle of a giant kind sized bed, nose to nose with her daddy?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Caroline age 6
Caroline is turning six tomorrow. I would write that I can't believe that is happening but I feel like I always say that, so I won't. What a girl our Caroline is. I noticed today that she has grown taller and leaner in the last month. She is the pickiest eater I know so I wouldn't doubt if she's lost weight this summer. She is active always loving to bike or scooter around with her neighborhood buddies. Caroline is doing a ballet/tap class and soccer, which she loves. Her favorite part of soccer is, "getting to push people down and steal the ball!" That is such a Caroline thing to say. Caroline is now a kindergartner and so far it is going good. I would love to say it is going perfect but it seems in addition to inheriting my brown hair, brown eyes and distain for mornings, Caroline also got the "frequently disrupts classroom procedures" gene. She has two fabulous teachers who job share and we're all working together to help Caroline understand sometimes you need to just shut your trap:) Of course the teachers are putting it more appropriately! The great news is academically she is doing great and I am thankful for that. I tended to be the kind of kid who never shut up and didn't really care about fractions or how to spell. That combination did not always serve me well! Caroline and Matthew are going to Awana at the new church we're attending and Caroline really enjoys it. She got to take home a special stuffed animal last week and her face was literally beaming with pride. It is moments like that where I realize it's all about finding the right way to motivate her. If she is motivated, Caroline is literally unstoppable. I can't wait to see what kind of person she will become. I have said it before and I will say it again, Caroline knows her mind. She knows what she likes and what she doesn't. She is learning to have more self control and to direct her perseverance in positive directions. Remember when you were little and you wrote your name out and had a corresponding adjective for each letter of your name? I decided in honor of Caroline turning six, I am going to do that.
C: Cuddly, she loves her snuggles. especially when she first wakes up or if she's gotten in trouble.
A: athletic, Caroline is becoming quite the little soccer player and loves to be outside being active
R: realistic, Caroline calls it like she sees it. There is no sugar coating with her!
O: ornate, Caroline loves her bling, her bracelets, her accessories!
L: loving, especially to her little sister, Ellie
I: individual, knows her mind and will let you know what is on it. I don't worry about her following but I do want to help her successfully lead!
N: napper, even now she will try and sneak one in. She loves her sleep and it is the one thing with Caroline where we have no issues!
E: energetic, she loves to learn, to try new things and make new friends!
Happy Birthday sweet girl. We're so thankful to be blessed with such sweetness in our lives!
C: Cuddly, she loves her snuggles. especially when she first wakes up or if she's gotten in trouble.
A: athletic, Caroline is becoming quite the little soccer player and loves to be outside being active
R: realistic, Caroline calls it like she sees it. There is no sugar coating with her!
O: ornate, Caroline loves her bling, her bracelets, her accessories!
L: loving, especially to her little sister, Ellie
I: individual, knows her mind and will let you know what is on it. I don't worry about her following but I do want to help her successfully lead!
N: napper, even now she will try and sneak one in. She loves her sleep and it is the one thing with Caroline where we have no issues!
E: energetic, she loves to learn, to try new things and make new friends!
Happy Birthday sweet girl. We're so thankful to be blessed with such sweetness in our lives!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Matthew
I feel like I haven't talked much about Matthew on here in recent months. Ironic considering he was the reason I started blogging seven years ago. I still can't believe I have stuck with this blog for that long. Anyways, it has been interesting to read back on all of the posts about Matthew over the years. Usually the past posts spark memories I had long forgotten. Funny things he has done or said. Stages he has gone through. Seasons our family has been through. Lately though, some of the words, concerns I had, delays he has struggled with, have all added to my suspicion that he may have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy.
Most people that know me, know that Matthew's birth was anything but calm and relaxing. Well, anyone that knows me knows that is nearly impossible considering I hate pain and would have gladly gotten an epidural about six months along in pregnancy. I wanted to try and have Matthew vaginally. Long and painful story short, I had a long labor, my epidural never did work and by the time they took me back for a c section, Matthew was deeply lodged in my pelvis. After much pulling, yanking, a midwife, a nurse and my OB on TOP of my body, my OB swearing like a sailor on leave, (HORRIFYING by the way), Matthew was finally dislodged from my pelvis. I remember seeing him briefly and then I passed out from all the drugs and probably from the shock of all that had just gone on. When I awoke, I was literally alone in what seemed like a hallway, no doctor, no baby, no husband. Someone finally came and took me to my room. I didn't see Matthew again for nearly six hours. I remember finally getting frantic at the end and saying something to effect of, "Get me my baby now! or ELSE". After that rocky start, it seemed that Matthew was fine. I kept him with me for the rest of our stay at the hospital and a few days later, we went home. Matthew had a horrible case of torticollis, he always had his head to the far right. In fact he did it so much that he got a flat spot and had to wear a helmet! He always slept in his swing. Being newbie parents we never even considered that perhaps something more than a neck strain happened during his traumatic delivery. Seven years later, I am not so sure.
First of all, let me be clear. For the most part, Matthew is a typical seven year old! He loves sports, playing outside with friends, Wii, Star Wars and war games in general. He is a good student, a great friend with a kind heart, an awesome big brother and a fabulous son. He can walk, talk, play, run, etc. But Matthew does struggle with several things. He constantly walks on his tippy toes, despite our best efforts to remind him to walk with his whole foot. He has always had sensory issues. Matthew can never be hugged tight enough, he loves to play hard, to wrestle and of course there is the snow boot story. When Matthew was three we were outside playing in the snow. We must have gotten 15 inches so I couldn't see his little feet in the snow. At some point his boot had fallen off, along with his sock, and he had no idea! That is when I knew for certain that there was something up with Matthew's sensory system. He did go to OT for about six months and it seemed to help. Matthew also flaps his hands and makes a grimacing face when he is overly stimulated or excited. He is aware that he does this and it doesn't seem to bother him when other kids ask him what he is doing. He simply states, "That's what I do when I am excited. " Matthew struggles with fine motor skills. Writing is very difficult for him and when he writes it looks like someone must younger did it. He struggles with putting on his clothes as well. He has issues with is balance too. All little things, but when I started putting them all together, I wondered if perhaps there was something more to it?
At his 7 year check up I discussed my concerns with his doctor. She brought up the possibility of mild cerebral palsy. We've started the process of obtaining a definitive diagnosis. Matthew had an occupational therapy evaluation yesterday. It was very interesting considering we do a lot of OT testing at my internship. To be the parent of the child being tested was hard. I knew when he was struggling and when he "failed" a task. The great thing is I know how wonderful occupational therapy is. It will help Matthew so much with the tasks he does struggle with! Matthew will be going to OT once a week for an hour. We have an appointment with the pediatric neurologist in December too.
We realize in the grand scheme of things of ailments that can strike your child, this diagnosis certainly doesn't even come close to grim. In fact, most people wouldn't even notice half of his symptoms. Still, it is something to deal with and to make sure we're doing all we can to help Matthew be all he desires to be. We hate to see him struggle and to get teased.
Looking back, I wonder if this had happened with Caroline or Ellie if I would have done something differently in handling this? I certainly would have been more suspicious of how they treated him after he was born. I would have maybe asked more questions about his status of how he was doing immediately after delivery. But in this world of malpractice lawsuits, I probably wouldn't have gotten many truthful answers. One thing I do know for sure, we've always addressed any issues Matthew has had right away. Maybe that is why he doesn't significantly struggle with these cerebral palsy issues. I have never been one to bury my head in the sand. I am so grateful to have access to great medical professionals and therapists that can come along side Matthew and help him be all that he desires to be!
Most people that know me, know that Matthew's birth was anything but calm and relaxing. Well, anyone that knows me knows that is nearly impossible considering I hate pain and would have gladly gotten an epidural about six months along in pregnancy. I wanted to try and have Matthew vaginally. Long and painful story short, I had a long labor, my epidural never did work and by the time they took me back for a c section, Matthew was deeply lodged in my pelvis. After much pulling, yanking, a midwife, a nurse and my OB on TOP of my body, my OB swearing like a sailor on leave, (HORRIFYING by the way), Matthew was finally dislodged from my pelvis. I remember seeing him briefly and then I passed out from all the drugs and probably from the shock of all that had just gone on. When I awoke, I was literally alone in what seemed like a hallway, no doctor, no baby, no husband. Someone finally came and took me to my room. I didn't see Matthew again for nearly six hours. I remember finally getting frantic at the end and saying something to effect of, "Get me my baby now! or ELSE". After that rocky start, it seemed that Matthew was fine. I kept him with me for the rest of our stay at the hospital and a few days later, we went home. Matthew had a horrible case of torticollis, he always had his head to the far right. In fact he did it so much that he got a flat spot and had to wear a helmet! He always slept in his swing. Being newbie parents we never even considered that perhaps something more than a neck strain happened during his traumatic delivery. Seven years later, I am not so sure.
First of all, let me be clear. For the most part, Matthew is a typical seven year old! He loves sports, playing outside with friends, Wii, Star Wars and war games in general. He is a good student, a great friend with a kind heart, an awesome big brother and a fabulous son. He can walk, talk, play, run, etc. But Matthew does struggle with several things. He constantly walks on his tippy toes, despite our best efforts to remind him to walk with his whole foot. He has always had sensory issues. Matthew can never be hugged tight enough, he loves to play hard, to wrestle and of course there is the snow boot story. When Matthew was three we were outside playing in the snow. We must have gotten 15 inches so I couldn't see his little feet in the snow. At some point his boot had fallen off, along with his sock, and he had no idea! That is when I knew for certain that there was something up with Matthew's sensory system. He did go to OT for about six months and it seemed to help. Matthew also flaps his hands and makes a grimacing face when he is overly stimulated or excited. He is aware that he does this and it doesn't seem to bother him when other kids ask him what he is doing. He simply states, "That's what I do when I am excited. " Matthew struggles with fine motor skills. Writing is very difficult for him and when he writes it looks like someone must younger did it. He struggles with putting on his clothes as well. He has issues with is balance too. All little things, but when I started putting them all together, I wondered if perhaps there was something more to it?
At his 7 year check up I discussed my concerns with his doctor. She brought up the possibility of mild cerebral palsy. We've started the process of obtaining a definitive diagnosis. Matthew had an occupational therapy evaluation yesterday. It was very interesting considering we do a lot of OT testing at my internship. To be the parent of the child being tested was hard. I knew when he was struggling and when he "failed" a task. The great thing is I know how wonderful occupational therapy is. It will help Matthew so much with the tasks he does struggle with! Matthew will be going to OT once a week for an hour. We have an appointment with the pediatric neurologist in December too.
We realize in the grand scheme of things of ailments that can strike your child, this diagnosis certainly doesn't even come close to grim. In fact, most people wouldn't even notice half of his symptoms. Still, it is something to deal with and to make sure we're doing all we can to help Matthew be all he desires to be. We hate to see him struggle and to get teased.
Looking back, I wonder if this had happened with Caroline or Ellie if I would have done something differently in handling this? I certainly would have been more suspicious of how they treated him after he was born. I would have maybe asked more questions about his status of how he was doing immediately after delivery. But in this world of malpractice lawsuits, I probably wouldn't have gotten many truthful answers. One thing I do know for sure, we've always addressed any issues Matthew has had right away. Maybe that is why he doesn't significantly struggle with these cerebral palsy issues. I have never been one to bury my head in the sand. I am so grateful to have access to great medical professionals and therapists that can come along side Matthew and help him be all that he desires to be!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Back at it
School is back in session. It has been a weird semester thus far. I have two classes that I think will be relatively laid back. They are about individual and family therapy. I am excited to get into the "meat and potatoes" of the counseling aspects of social work. I never imagined myself as a counselor per se, although I always seem to be the person that friends and family talk to about their issues. I could also tell countless stories of the random strangers off the street that tell me the most personal details of their lives, in Meijer!
I have had two weeks of internship at the Child's trauma assessment center, CTAC. This past Friday I helped with an actual assessment. It was pretty intense. I knew it would be intense but the actuality of intense always seems, well, more intense. So far when I leave CTAC, I feel like really I have nothing left to give of myself emotionally and physically for a the rest of the day. I met a friend for dinner last night. I left CTAC and went directly to the restaurant. As I drove there I thought to myself, I am not sure if this was a good idea? Can I even participate in a conversation right now/ It's heavy stuff that I am hearing all day. I am invited into the very personal, very painful, very traumatic lives of these kids and that carries a burden of sorts. I am grateful to be on a team with people who get that and understand the importance of processing that, still you can't be completely unburdened in the very same day that it took place.
One skill I have been able to hone throughout the MSW program is self awareness skills. I know that what will best serve me on Friday nights is to be quiet, to draw in and just be with my thoughts of what I heard and saw that day. To feel sad, to be angry, to feel irritation , thankfulness, or any of the other million thoughts that run through my head on Friday nights. To be alone and quiet is so foreign to who I normally am. Jeff has even commented on the transformation that takes place in me on Fridays.
This morning I woke up at the ridiculously early hour of 5a.m. and the thoughts of the nameless persons I have worked with over the years flooded my brain. I was remembering many stories but could not, for the life of me, remember any names. For a moment I felt guilt about this. How could I not remember these names? Did that mean I was less of a human, less of a social worker? I came to the conclusion, with some help from a friend, that it's probably self protection. The stories are painful enough and to always have names connected with it would be too much to bear. I think the next nine months will be a very intense experience. Taking care of myself and being able to recognize what is the best and most healthy way to process it all will be probably one of the most important things I can learn at CTAC.
I know the stories, the grief and the healing I will experience at CTAC will have a profound and lasting impression on me both personally and professionally. I am eager to grow through it all but it is strange to embrace it fully because I know it will be so painful and sad on many days. My motto has always been to give 100%. I am determined to give 100% to the beautiful children I am privileged to serve during my internship. I am honored to hear their pain and hope I can help them to find some hope, whether it be in a game of catch, a conversation we have together, or a report I write that helps the system find a better tomorrow for them. 100% is the least I can do.
I have had two weeks of internship at the Child's trauma assessment center, CTAC. This past Friday I helped with an actual assessment. It was pretty intense. I knew it would be intense but the actuality of intense always seems, well, more intense. So far when I leave CTAC, I feel like really I have nothing left to give of myself emotionally and physically for a the rest of the day. I met a friend for dinner last night. I left CTAC and went directly to the restaurant. As I drove there I thought to myself, I am not sure if this was a good idea? Can I even participate in a conversation right now/ It's heavy stuff that I am hearing all day. I am invited into the very personal, very painful, very traumatic lives of these kids and that carries a burden of sorts. I am grateful to be on a team with people who get that and understand the importance of processing that, still you can't be completely unburdened in the very same day that it took place.
One skill I have been able to hone throughout the MSW program is self awareness skills. I know that what will best serve me on Friday nights is to be quiet, to draw in and just be with my thoughts of what I heard and saw that day. To feel sad, to be angry, to feel irritation , thankfulness, or any of the other million thoughts that run through my head on Friday nights. To be alone and quiet is so foreign to who I normally am. Jeff has even commented on the transformation that takes place in me on Fridays.
This morning I woke up at the ridiculously early hour of 5a.m. and the thoughts of the nameless persons I have worked with over the years flooded my brain. I was remembering many stories but could not, for the life of me, remember any names. For a moment I felt guilt about this. How could I not remember these names? Did that mean I was less of a human, less of a social worker? I came to the conclusion, with some help from a friend, that it's probably self protection. The stories are painful enough and to always have names connected with it would be too much to bear. I think the next nine months will be a very intense experience. Taking care of myself and being able to recognize what is the best and most healthy way to process it all will be probably one of the most important things I can learn at CTAC.
I know the stories, the grief and the healing I will experience at CTAC will have a profound and lasting impression on me both personally and professionally. I am eager to grow through it all but it is strange to embrace it fully because I know it will be so painful and sad on many days. My motto has always been to give 100%. I am determined to give 100% to the beautiful children I am privileged to serve during my internship. I am honored to hear their pain and hope I can help them to find some hope, whether it be in a game of catch, a conversation we have together, or a report I write that helps the system find a better tomorrow for them. 100% is the least I can do.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Forgiveness
I suck at it when it really matters. Woah. Hello, Monday raw blog post. I am great at apologizing and forgiving those who I like and those that I love. But if you happen to not fall into those categories I am afraid you tend to be out of luck when it comes to me forgiving you or apologizing to you. To be honest I felt in this last year that I was completely justified in feeling that way about certain people and situations in my life.
The thing is, no matter where I went, in regards to my spirituality, God was screaming at me, "STOP IT". Devotions, sermons, songs, mentors, conversations I have had all led me to screaming conviction. Last week I felt like God was saying, "You will get no where without dealing with this." Stop hating, it is never right, it is never justified and it certainly never represents me." You are ugly when you hate." OUCH again. Ouch seems to be my theme word lately, that is pretty sad.
So what have I been doing to deal with this revelation to be obedient to God? Well, that is still being worked out. Praying for the specific person God has brought to my mind that I need to forgive, is first and foremost. Every time I think something remotely negative, I turn it into a prayer. I The funny thing is, I already feel so much better just in letting go of the hate. I am even enjoying praying for her and for God's will for how I should handle this to be revealed. My faith and ability to worship has been transformed with the release of this hatred. God has been laying out some other steps for me to deal with this and I am taking baby steps towards it all. I am even kind of excited to see how it all turns out. Whether it is wonderful or not, I am trying to honor my faith and more importantly my God and He always directs my paths to where I need to be.
The thing is, no matter where I went, in regards to my spirituality, God was screaming at me, "STOP IT". Devotions, sermons, songs, mentors, conversations I have had all led me to screaming conviction. Last week I felt like God was saying, "You will get no where without dealing with this." Stop hating, it is never right, it is never justified and it certainly never represents me." You are ugly when you hate." OUCH again. Ouch seems to be my theme word lately, that is pretty sad.
So what have I been doing to deal with this revelation to be obedient to God? Well, that is still being worked out. Praying for the specific person God has brought to my mind that I need to forgive, is first and foremost. Every time I think something remotely negative, I turn it into a prayer. I The funny thing is, I already feel so much better just in letting go of the hate. I am even enjoying praying for her and for God's will for how I should handle this to be revealed. My faith and ability to worship has been transformed with the release of this hatred. God has been laying out some other steps for me to deal with this and I am taking baby steps towards it all. I am even kind of excited to see how it all turns out. Whether it is wonderful or not, I am trying to honor my faith and more importantly my God and He always directs my paths to where I need to be.
Monday, September 03, 2012
Mended
I have read Angie Smith's blog for a long time. I love how honest and real she is. She is a gifted and annointed writer. A few weeks ago she wrote about how we all are in need of mending. We all have made mistakes, been hurt and let down. Thankfully, I serve a God who wants to mend me. He wants to make me beautiful from the inside out. I wrote about this a few weeks ago and am posting it again for a contest Angie is having. If you would like her book," Mended " it can be purchased here or here.” She is having a contest right now and I am reposting this entry because I very much feel like the broken jug on her book cover that was smashed to pieces and then put back together, piece by piece!
I can't wait to read her latest book!
Here is my post about the mending God is doing in my life..
Offending and being offended have been on my mind this week. I realized that someone who I knew I offended a few years ago, was still offended by my Christian beliefs. I won't go into all the hairy details but basically this tends to happen a lot in our world of having non-Christian friends. They simply do not believe what we believe. That can be very difficult to reconcile when difficult conversations come up. In this particular situation alcohol was involved which is never a good thing when discussing passionate topics. I regret that what I said came across in a offensve manner. I regret that I didn't make more of a concerted effort to talk it through after the fact.
But here's the thing, I felt very strongly that throughout this week of feeling bad about how what my friends have said and thought about me, that God was saying to me, " Why do you never care about offending me?" Ouch. It's so true. I care very much how I am perceived and what people think about me. But when it comes to God's perception, that often goes to the wayside. Why?
I met with a friend and mentor this week to discuss some of the recent struggles I have been having. We talked a lot about this subject and she said something that struck me deeply. My friend said that once we become a Christian we have the holy spirit living within us. When we choose to be sinful, we take along the spirit of God with us. When we speak hatred, when we drink too much, when we scream at our kids, when we're inpatient and angry toward our spouses, when we covet what others have, when we lust, when we watch t/v shows or read books that are inappropriate, the Spirit of God is taken along for all of it. Yuck. Talk about offensive.
I am ashamed that I have let my faith and relationship get so lack luster that I wasn't even recognizing the pain I was causing my God. I am ashamed that I care more about friendships than I do the God who sent His only Son to live a perfect blameless life and be beaten, berated and crucified for me.
Again I am in awe of the grace and redemption that God always offers, every single time that I mess up. I know he must think to himself, "Oh dear, sweet girl,will you ever see the errors of your ways and make it right once and for all?" The beauty and crux of this faith of mine ,that I am not ashamed of, is that He is always willing to help me mend it. He is always able to help me pick up the pieces of my brokenness and make it beautiful.
I can't wait to read her latest book!
Here is my post about the mending God is doing in my life..
Offending and being offended have been on my mind this week. I realized that someone who I knew I offended a few years ago, was still offended by my Christian beliefs. I won't go into all the hairy details but basically this tends to happen a lot in our world of having non-Christian friends. They simply do not believe what we believe. That can be very difficult to reconcile when difficult conversations come up. In this particular situation alcohol was involved which is never a good thing when discussing passionate topics. I regret that what I said came across in a offensve manner. I regret that I didn't make more of a concerted effort to talk it through after the fact.
But here's the thing, I felt very strongly that throughout this week of feeling bad about how what my friends have said and thought about me, that God was saying to me, " Why do you never care about offending me?" Ouch. It's so true. I care very much how I am perceived and what people think about me. But when it comes to God's perception, that often goes to the wayside. Why?
I met with a friend and mentor this week to discuss some of the recent struggles I have been having. We talked a lot about this subject and she said something that struck me deeply. My friend said that once we become a Christian we have the holy spirit living within us. When we choose to be sinful, we take along the spirit of God with us. When we speak hatred, when we drink too much, when we scream at our kids, when we're inpatient and angry toward our spouses, when we covet what others have, when we lust, when we watch t/v shows or read books that are inappropriate, the Spirit of God is taken along for all of it. Yuck. Talk about offensive.
I am ashamed that I have let my faith and relationship get so lack luster that I wasn't even recognizing the pain I was causing my God. I am ashamed that I care more about friendships than I do the God who sent His only Son to live a perfect blameless life and be beaten, berated and crucified for me.
Again I am in awe of the grace and redemption that God always offers, every single time that I mess up. I know he must think to himself, "Oh dear, sweet girl,will you ever see the errors of your ways and make it right once and for all?" The beauty and crux of this faith of mine ,that I am not ashamed of, is that He is always willing to help me mend it. He is always able to help me pick up the pieces of my brokenness and make it beautiful.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Boo boo turns 3
A week from today our little baby turns 3. I can hardly believe it. It truly seems like yesterday since that little 6 pound peanut arrived three weeks early into our lives. Ellie has brought us so much joy in these past three years.
This year has been one of lots of growth for our little girl. Ellie is our little blondie and her eyes have become more green than blue. They are big and expressive. Ellie has many faces and expressions. She loves to give you looks when she is feeling pretty much any emotion. Her speech skills ,which were severely delayed, have finally caught up. She did qualify for a special speech program through the public schools here and will be beginning a preschool program that focuses on speech skills in a week. Ellie will go to preschool four mornings a week, on a bus! I can't even imagine what she will look like on a bus! Like last year, she will go to daycare while mommy is at school and internship. She gets to move up to another room which has a preschool curriculum as well. I am sure Ellie will love it. She loves to learn new songs and skills. Of all of the kids, Ellie is the one that actually seems to play with her toys. She has a pretty vivid imagination and loves dolls. She is also an artist like her big sister. Speaking of big sister, Ellie is now sharing a room with Caroline. We decided to take her out of her crib in the middle of the summer, so we wouldn't have to worry about the transition when school had begun. I am very glad we did this because it was a tough transition. But, all seems well now and she is happy to be with her sharing with Caroline. Caroline and Ellie have also discovered that they like to hang out with each other. Caroline can usually wrangle Ellie up to play school, house, babies, store or they often color with each other. It isn't always smooth sailing between them! One of Ellie's favorite things to say to Caroline is "MEANIE!:" whenever she isn't getting her way. Other cute things Ellie says is: Me do it! Why? Calling Caroline her nickname, Squeaky, she is always saying, SQUEAKY? when she can't find her.. Me want running huggy. My big now! Although she refuses to let us potty train her. She will go on the potty but if you try and get her to wear underwear she says, No underwears, me wear diapers!
Ellie has developed her strong willed muscles this year. Our easy breezy two year old has become a more defiant three year old. She can be challenging and exhausting sometimes.
Because of all of her throat infections this past winter, Ellie had her tonsils out at the beginning of August. It was a rough week of recovery but she is doing fine now!
It has been another great year for our littlest girl. We are so blessed to have such a sweet little girl in our lives. She brings us so much joy and laughter, even in her naughty moments. I told Jeff the other day that Ellie and her "surprising" arrival into our lives, three years ago, is one of the best surprises we've ever received. We can't imagine our lives with out our Ellie Bellie, Boo boo girl! Happy Birthday Ellie Jane!
This year has been one of lots of growth for our little girl. Ellie is our little blondie and her eyes have become more green than blue. They are big and expressive. Ellie has many faces and expressions. She loves to give you looks when she is feeling pretty much any emotion. Her speech skills ,which were severely delayed, have finally caught up. She did qualify for a special speech program through the public schools here and will be beginning a preschool program that focuses on speech skills in a week. Ellie will go to preschool four mornings a week, on a bus! I can't even imagine what she will look like on a bus! Like last year, she will go to daycare while mommy is at school and internship. She gets to move up to another room which has a preschool curriculum as well. I am sure Ellie will love it. She loves to learn new songs and skills. Of all of the kids, Ellie is the one that actually seems to play with her toys. She has a pretty vivid imagination and loves dolls. She is also an artist like her big sister. Speaking of big sister, Ellie is now sharing a room with Caroline. We decided to take her out of her crib in the middle of the summer, so we wouldn't have to worry about the transition when school had begun. I am very glad we did this because it was a tough transition. But, all seems well now and she is happy to be with her sharing with Caroline. Caroline and Ellie have also discovered that they like to hang out with each other. Caroline can usually wrangle Ellie up to play school, house, babies, store or they often color with each other. It isn't always smooth sailing between them! One of Ellie's favorite things to say to Caroline is "MEANIE!:" whenever she isn't getting her way. Other cute things Ellie says is: Me do it! Why? Calling Caroline her nickname, Squeaky, she is always saying, SQUEAKY? when she can't find her.. Me want running huggy. My big now! Although she refuses to let us potty train her. She will go on the potty but if you try and get her to wear underwear she says, No underwears, me wear diapers!
Ellie has developed her strong willed muscles this year. Our easy breezy two year old has become a more defiant three year old. She can be challenging and exhausting sometimes.
Because of all of her throat infections this past winter, Ellie had her tonsils out at the beginning of August. It was a rough week of recovery but she is doing fine now!
It has been another great year for our littlest girl. We are so blessed to have such a sweet little girl in our lives. She brings us so much joy and laughter, even in her naughty moments. I told Jeff the other day that Ellie and her "surprising" arrival into our lives, three years ago, is one of the best surprises we've ever received. We can't imagine our lives with out our Ellie Bellie, Boo boo girl! Happy Birthday Ellie Jane!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)