Not much to say

I keep meaning to post but each time I sit down and write I end up never publishing it. Usually its because its lots of random thoughts that don't really have a theme. As you may have noticed, I like themes when I write. A lot of what I have had to write about is in regards to Sam and his surgery. Obviously, because he and his half a ticker are so heavy on my heart. I did get to speak to Jaime on Saturday and its was great. We ended up talking about lighter, funny neighborhood stuff and it was great to hear her voice and contagious laugh again! I am praying that Sam's low potassium issue and chest tube drainage stop soon so he can come home. It feels so lonely with our beloved next door neighbors gone!
Makenna and Avery, Jaime's girls spent the night Friday. We had a pizza party with them and some other kids in the neighboorhood and ice cream sundaes. They were all really well behaved. Then it was off to the Howard Street Hustle, a 5K fundraiser for the Kalamazoo Christian schools on Saturday morning. The kids all did the fun run. Matthew, Makenna and Caroline ran one lap of the track while Avery did two! All of the kids ran the WHOLE WAY!! It was a little crazy there but a beautiful day!! I felt really weepy there. Sad that Jaime and Steve have to miss stuff like that. I know its so very hard for them but they have no choice. Thankfully there are so many people who love those girls like their own and we try and make things has fun and normal for them as possible. Continue to pray for them as week two of their parents being gone starts.
Only one more week of school for Matthew who is anything but sad to see it ending. That kid just doesn't like school. I can't really figure out why b/c he has a great teacher and lots of friends. So often when he is whining and carrying on in the morning I want to say.." Seriously kid, get over it! Its going to get so much worse than Young fives!" Nice...
Memorial Day is upon us next weekend and we have 5 yards of mulch being delivered on Friday. We're hoping to get our yard in shape. We also are trying to figure out what to do about the eye sore of a deck of ours. We're looking into a few options. If it were up to me and money was no object..I would tear that baby down and build a new one. Oh wait, I meant to say..I would hire someone to do that! I really love hiring things out. That way, they arrive you go out for the day and come home to a new deck, freshly painted kitchen, clean house..etc, etc! Too bad I married a man who wants to hire nothing out!
The pool we joined is opening next weekend. I am hoping for a nice day so we can go over and use it. I think we're all really going to enjoy it.
Finally, I have my WMU MSW program orientation this Thursday. I am beyond excited to get some details about what the next 20 months are going to look like for me.
Well for seemingly not having anything to say..I certainly did jabber on..
Have a wonderful week.

Ode to MOPS

Next Wednesday I will attend my last MOPS meeting and I think I may be a blubbering, pile of tears. For those of you who don't know what MOPS is, I will give you a quick tutorial. MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. So basically you can attend if you have an infant through kindergartener. When you go to a MOPS meeting several things can and do happen.
1. You get a break from your infant or how many ever kids your toting along with you. They are lovingly cared for by a group of fantastic volunteers called MOPPET workers. Bonus if you have older kids because they learn great Bible lessons, do awesome crafts and have a snack.
2. There is food. Delicious, high carb, high sugar, indulgent, who gives a crap about the baby weight from my 2 year old, cheesy casseroly goodness.
3. There is a great speaker who makes it seems, for the half hour in which she speaks, that anything is possible in the grandscape of mothering. You could be the best mom, disciplinarian, wife, cook, friend, couponer ever to set forth in Kalamazoo county.
4. If there isn't a speaker you get to make a cool craft like a bracelet that's beads describe the birth of Christ, a freezer meal, a Christmas ornament, etc.
5. You get to actually have a conversation with another mommy who is on the same journey of mothering young children, just like you. No pressure to look a certain way or say the right thing. You can just be you, as you shove your face full of egg casserole and drink endless cups of coffee.( with as much creamer as your cup will hold.
6. If your lucky enough to pop out another kid during your tenure as a MOPS mom, lovely other mommies bring you awesome homemade meals. Complete with desserts!
7.Ok, a serious one. If you don't know Christ, you will get to. If you do, you can't help but grow in your faith.
I have been going to Southridge MOPS for six years. Matthew was just a wee lad of six months when I began. I remember checking on him like a bajillion times those first meetings, certain that the kid couldn't be torn from me for TWO hours! Fast forward six years and two more kids later. Lets just say when I drop Ellie off and she cries, I basically throw a diaper at them and say.."Don't come and get me until I have finished my strudel!" Just kidding...kinda!
I have met some of my dearest friends through MOPS. I have learned much through my time spent on Steering as MOPPETS co-coordinator, Small group leader and Co-Hospitality member.
My faith has grown much through the speakers and relationships I have been blessed to be a part of.
I know next Fall, when the first and third Wednesdays roll around, I will ache for the fellowship that MOPS provided. But,I will also know that my time there is complete. While I was there, MOPS served me well. It provided a safe place to get a break and get a little more grounded in myself and in my faith. It well equipped me and now its time to get going to the next phase of this journey called motherhood. I know I will tuck my MOPS experience away deep in my heart and treasure it always.
Who knows, I might just come back someday and be one of those lovely ladies that sits and rocks that newborn and gently encourages a new mom to get the heck out of the nursery and into the meeting..her studel is waiting!

Crap! I got in!

That is how I really felt when I got into Western Michigan's MSW program! Don't get me wrong,I did apply, so obviously I was happy to get in. This has been a long time in the making. I actually started the journey to MSW land back when I was a single lady, nannying in Chicago back in 2000. But,I decided that I really wanted nothing more than to be a dutiful wife and mother to the children that didn't even exist back then! I wish I could shake that girl by the shoulders and say, "Stupid girl..do it now..it will be so much easier and you will want the options that this degree affords you!":) Fast foward eleven years and I have to do it with the three kids and a hubby to boot! Oh well, hindsight is twenty twenty as they say!
I am not going to lie. Starting in September, the next 20 months will be grueling. Getting my MSW will be a full time job. I am prayerful that I find good daycare situations for the kids. Matthew and Caroline will be in school half days next year but Ellie will obviously need full time daycare. I will only be able to do this if I am secure with a solid, loving caregiver. Matthew and Caroline will most likely be at one place and Ellie at another. I have always been able to depend on Jeff. I will need his help and support like never before. I will need to be ultra organized, consistent and driven to obtain this goal. Do I think I can do it? You bet every loaned dollar that I will borrow to pay for it:)
With all these changes coming up, I am going to be quiting my job at the retirement home. I want to spend the summer with my kids and we already have a lot planned that would make my weekend work there not possible. I will miss my oldies terribly. I will forever be indebted to them for their love and support and kindness. I plan on doing an internship at a retirement home b/c working at one has opened my eyes up to many of the unmet need that this population has.
The future is full of many possiblilites and challenges for me in the next 20 months.I hope to embrace them and learn from them and become a better person, mother, wife and Christian through it all.
GO BRONCOS!!

Easter with the Oldies..

I had to work this weekend. Let me start off by saying that I was not one bit happy about this. Well, I guess that isn't completely true. At first I thought I was going to get overtime pay for Sunday since I assumed it was a holiday. Well we all know what they say about people who assume things(hardy har)! I found out at 6a.m. Saturday that Easter wasn't in fact a holiday where I work. That is when my bad attitude hit and it hit hard! I was bummed that I would be missing out on church and Easter basket finding and dressing little girls in their best dresses!
I literally think there was an audible "Grr" when my alarm went off again this morning at 4:30. But as soon as I got there it become more and more clear that this is exactly where God wanted me to be. Several of the residents leave their doors open so be who pass by can say hello. I have established several of my closest relationships with these "open door" residents. Believe or not many of their doors are open by 7a.m. so I was heartily greeted by many, "Happy Easters" I even got to say my favorite Easter greeting, "He is Risen!" to which of course these sharp,Christian oldies responded with a "He is Risen indeed!"
As the day wore on I realized that while many residents were being taken out by their families a number of them were not. One lady in particular had a very sad and public interaction with a family member in my dining room. Another who recently lost a spouse was sitting sadly in the public sitting area despairing that this was the first time in his life that he wasn't at church on Easter. Yet another lady when asked by me how she was doing responded by saying, "I guess ok, I am just so lonely!" Because I wasn't terribly busy, seeing that many of my regulars were gone, I was able to sit and chat with her for awhile and maybe,for a few moments, get her mind off her loneliness.
By the end of the day, I swear I could hear God whispering to me, "See. This is where I need you to be." And of course, He was right!(duh) My kids found their Easter baskets, got dressed(of course Ellie's outfit was on backwards but hey..who really cares?) I even managed to make it to church during a break for the Easter Egg Hunt! I was home mid afternoon and we had a nice family evening together complete with Honeybaked Ham and a screening of our newest movie courtesy of the Easter bunny, "Tangled".
I am ending this Easter feeling good. Happy that God is in control of even the tiniest details, like who works in an assistant living dining room. Wow. How Great Thou Art!
I hope you had a blessed Easter...

Crazy Matty

Its funny to me that the domain name of this blog is crazy Matty. When I began this blog, Matthew was only six months old. He was a little crazy but I had no idea that he would become much more crazier before mellowing out. Now, six years later much has changed in all our lives. Matthew is the oldest of three children. In many ways he has the personality of a first born. He is very concerned with "rules" and if people are following them..namely his sisters!! When I am driving he is the first to tell me if I am breaking any laws or if my hand comes off the steering wheel. When Caroline went through a phase where she would unbuckle herself, it nearly killed him, he became very panicky. At school he is quick to listen to his teachers and doesn't like to "have his card switched from green to any other color"! :)
As I have mentioned in other blog updates, Matthew has mellowed this past year. He is sweet, loving and caring. He is all boy! He loves all things Star Wars, Indiana Jones and WII!! He is obsessed with the WII. So much so that we're taking a break from it this summer. He still loves to be outside but has become pickier about not wanting to play with all girls. This can be hard since there aren't many boys in our neighborhood his age. His best friend is Gavin, a boy from school. He adores him and loves having playdates with him.
Matthew is a Daddy's boy. He worships Jeff. When Jeff went out of town for a weekend in March, Matthew could hardly stand it. He really looks up to him and has informed us that he is going to do whatever Jeff does when he grows up so he can go to work with him! Matthew is a homebody. He gets very homesick when he is away from us. Something I can relate to because I struggled with this when I was his age.
Matthew had his first friend birthday party this year. We had it a Pirates Island, a local waterpark. He had about seven friends and loved it! The theme was STAR WARS. Nearly everything Matthew does lately revolves around Star Wars..the kid is obsessed!
Matthew has kept his big blue eyes, but his hair has darkened quite a bit this Winter. I am wondering if it will blond up again this Summer?
Matty loves his sisters and has special relationships with both Caroline and Ellie. He is always looking out for Ellie and is a pretty good playmate for Caroline. Favorite activities are wrestling and building forts.
He continues to be my deep thinker and is very thoughtful when he prays or is seeking God. He loves to learn about Bible stories and Jesus. He continues to ask to go back to a Christian school.
I think that about wraps up my oldest and only boy! I love how much he has changed and grown this year. I love knowing that there is indeed a light at the end of a tunnel when you think your not going to be able to parent a child for one more day! More and more I find Matthew to be delightful to be around. I am blessed to have been given such a treasure!

Sweet Caroline...

Let it be known that girl loves that song..she can sing along with Neil with the best of them! One of her preschool teacher's whom Caroline dearly loves calls her sweet Caroline all the time. So much so that when you ask her what her name is she answers with boldness, "Sweet Caroline!" like..Duh!! Believe it!
Caroline is four and a half. She is by far the most STRONG willed child you.will.ever.meet. No, the periods aren't a typo! Iron will, unbendable,unshakeable,full of conviction that one. Sometimes this plain stinks. Like for example when said child is at her kindergarten screening and REFUSES to cooperate at several of the testing stations. Other times this serves Caroline very well. She has been dressing herself, getting her breakfast, brushing her teeth, riding a bike, writing all sorts of shapes, letters and can blow a fourth grade out of the water with her AMAZING coloring skills(all of which the kindergarten screeners failed to see). If Caroline likes you, she loves you. If she doesn't..well lets just say..sorry about your luck. She is a girl who knows her mind. So, we just keep continuing to fill that little mind with lots of good things. Like about her faith, her God, her friends, books, coloring,drawing, favorite shows(right now its Peppa Pig). In the moments when she is difficult we try and remember that we are trying to mold that will for good and not trying to break it. I feel like God has great things planned for our middle gal. I am sure all moms feel that way but I know all this will is not for naught. I just want to help her always know that she always needs to go to God for her every step in life. Caroline has enjoyed her preschool experience very much. Like I mentioned earlier, she adores her teachers. Next year she will attend the public school,going to the Young fives program five mornings a week. I think she will enjoy going everyday. I just pray she likes her teacher:) For everyone's sake!
Caroline continues to struggle with her asthma. This Winter was tough for our little gal. She had to be treated daily for her symptoms. We're hoping Summer gives her a reprieve from some of this. She is due for an eye exam in May and we will see about her need for surgery, as her eye muscle hasn't improved at all. In fact, even with correction we're seeing some crossing. Caroline still suffers from some severe peanut and egg allergies. Thankfully she seems to have reached an age where she is aware of this. She almost always asks,"Does this have peanut or egg?" before eating anything unknown.
At the end of June, Caroline will be spending a week with her cousins(my sister and her family) in Wisconsin while we go to Vermont for a friend's wedding. I purposely picked my sister for Caroline b/c I think she can handle her without incident and that Caroline will have an amazing time there. I really hope it goes well. No matter how much she fights me..she misses me the moment I am out of sight.
All in all, Caroline is a pretty terrific little girl. Sure she can put up stink. But this story pretty much sums her up. Last weekend we had some pretty amazing weather on Sunday. We were taking a family walk to the park. Caroline,who only recently mastered the art of bike riding, fell off. HARD! Did she cry? Never. She popped up and said in her most exasperated voice, "Uggh!! I getting back on and going to da park!" No tears, no whining. She got her little bootie back on the saddle and did indeed make it the park( before her brother I might add!!) We love her very much and can't wait to see what God has in store for our green kanagaroo in the middle! (Which by the way is the title of a favorite book of mine by Judy Blume, anyone who has three kids should get "Green Kangaroo in the middle!"

Ellie

I feel like I haven't really updated about the kids lately. So, its that time again. Posts dedicated to my precious three. I am starting with Ellie. Our 19.5 month old who has gone from delightfully laid back to a bit of a spit fire this Winter. The girl definitely knows what she wants. I wonder where she gets that from?(her sister), certainly not her mommy!:) She loves to follow Matthew and Caroline around and do whatever they do which usually includes some type of shananigans! Like, but not limited to couch climbing, furniture jumping, table standing,screeching, food throwing..etc! She loves music and dancind and books. Ellie's new favorite activity is playing outside. This past weekend we enjoyed some pretty fantastic weather around here and Ellie loved being able to roam around the yard and go to the park and especially to swing. That girl would swing forever! One way in which she is different from Matthew and Caroline is that she is easily occupied for more than one second with an activity. Like with the swinging or if she is playing with a toy. She stays with something,which is a nice change from the hurricane like behavior of the older Simpson kids!
Physically Ellie is changing too. She is in the 75% for height and 65% for weight. Her hair actually lightened this Winter and is now a sandy blond( I prefer that label to dishwater blond!) Ellie can get pretty much anything when she flashes her soulful baby blues your way!
This Summer I fear will be filled with Ellie doing alot of running while mommy frantically tries to keep up with her all while keeping my sanity in check. We're joining a local pool and I am hoping that she loves the water as much as Matthew and Caroline do.
Ellie has been testing us a bit in the sleeping department as of late. Last night, for example, she cried for nearly 2 hours before finally giving up and going to sleep. Still, she naps for nearly 2 hours each day, giving mommy a chance to catch her breath. The other day I caught her trying to CLIMB out of her crib! Thankfully, she hasn't completly gotten it as I am not ready to make that transition anytime soon.
She does show some interest in potty training and I may try and train her this Summer if only to finally have a DIAPER FREE house for the first time in six years!
Overall I would say Ellie is transitioning from a baby to a toddler. While some things about this are challenging, other things are fun to see. How she is developing her own personality and ways of doing things. How much she loves her brother and sister. Her love of music and books growing everyday. While she is determined she continues to be mostly laid back and easy to please. We love her dearly and can't imagine a life without our Boolah! Oh yeah, her newest nickname by the way..courtesy of big Sister Caroline.
Speaking of Caroline..more about that little flippity witch tomorrow!:)

From this one place..

One of my favorite albums is Sara Groves "Fireflies and Songs". Every song is amazing and speaks to me in some way. The lyrics for the song, "From this one place" are as follows:

I was about to give up and that's no lie
cardinal landed outside my window
threw his head back and sang a song
so beautiful it made me cry

took me back to a childhood tree
full of birds and dreams

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

I don't know what's making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don't like to feel this way

take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

Lately I feel like I am living within the words of this song. With Sam's upcoming heart surgery upon him I am afraid I am letting the devil get the most of my thoughts. I wake up a lot at night lately almost paralyzed by my thoughts and struggle to get a grip through prayer and through Christ. Its like my mind is saying over and over, "But what if, but what if, but,but,but...." AAAGH! Insanity I tell you! The title is so fitting.."From this one place" and the lyrics, " I can't see very far, from this one moment I'm square in the dark. These are the things I will trust in my heart. You can see something else" Trust..in my heart..letting God take care of the something else. Oh yeah..how could I forgot I suck at that? :)
The reference to the window seat and the clouds beneath my feet sound delicious to me right about now. Imagining a world without worry. To truly NOT be anxious about anything but instead giving it all over to God. I have no problem doing that with others but when it comes to Sammy boy..I get really scared.
Thankfully, I am able to get my wits about me, even in the midst of the night and whisper verses and prayers up to my God who knows all of this about me and Sam and all of my other worries both big and small. The God I DO trust with ALL of my heart because I know HE can see something else..
Now...go and listen and download Sara and her amazing cd..I promise, you won't be disappointed..
Happy Listening..

Bike ride with God!

I first read this poem many moons ago it seems. When I first became a Christian. It was in a book about servanthood that I read one night after the kids I was babysitting went to bed. By the way those kids are now in college! One of them is serving the Lord in Thailand right now!! Anyways..its always stuck with me. How wonderful it is to have Christ in control but also how scary sometimes. As I continue to explore what servanthood means in my life I find myself reading this over and over and remind myself just to keep PEDALING! HE will take care of the rest...


When I first met Christ
It seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
But it was a tandem bike,
And I noticed that Christ
Was in the back helping me pedal.


I don't know just when it was that
He suggested we change places,
But life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way,
It was rather boring, but predictable...
It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts,
Up mountains, and through rocky places,
At breakneck speeds,
It was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,

He said,
"Pedal"


I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
And I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life
And entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed.
Gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
They're extra baggage, too much weight."

So I did, I gave them to the people we met,
And I found that in giving I received,
And still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, In control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
But He knows bike secrets,
Knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
Knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
Knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up
and pedal in the strangest places,
And I'm beginning to enjoy the view
And the cool breeze on my face
With my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says...


"Pedal."

Squeaky the sickie..

Caroline's nickname from about the second day of her life has been "Squeaky". She was a very noisy baby, always "squeaking" and so one day Jeff called her that and four and a half years later its stuck. We call her Squeaky or Squeak nearly 80% of the time. I know someday soon she will demand that we not call her that.
Anywhoo..Caroline has,by far, the most medical issues of our three children. It all began when she was first born and had horrible skin and eczema. Then when she was nine months old she developed a pretty severe lazy eye. Upon further examination by an opthomologist it was determined that she was also severely far sighted. So at fifteen months, Caroline started wearing glasses. At 18 months we discovered that she has a severe peanut and egg allergy. She has always been intolerant of milk too.
Last Spring we had our first experience with asthma and this winter its been HORRIBLE for her. I can't remember many days when she hasn't been coughing. She weezes much of the time as well. We have taken all of this in stride because quite frankly in the grand scheme of things when you know kids that are battling cancer and severe heart defects your not too upset by things like asthma and glasses.
But these past weeks Caroline has complained of stomach pains and leg pain and keeps getting low grade fevers in the evening/night time. I took her to the ped for the regular checks of ear infection, strep, urinary tract infection, all of which were negative. So then the doctor ordered some blood tests and a chest and abdominal x ray to see if we could figure out a reason for the strange symptoms.
For those of you who haven't met Caroline, there is no way to possibly explain the hell it was to get her blood drawn not once but TWICE!! The first time the lady just plain sucked and so the next day her daddy took her back for another and thankfully more successful draw. The nurse called me on Friday to say that the doctor wanted to add more tests b/c she had only gotten two of the first draw back and they were abnormal and that something on the abdominal xray were off as well. Talk about freaking a mommy out! I spent all day worrying that Caroline had something very wrong. Then at 6p.m. another nurse calls me back to say that her CBC(complete blood count) came back and it was normal but the other tests weren't back yet. When I asked about the x rays the nurse, who wasn't the original one I had spoken with said," Oh, its says nothing about an x ray here so it must have been nothing!" I could have screamed!! I feel like the first nurse freaked me out for nothing!
We still have to wait on the blood tests to determine that all is well in the grand scheme of major things being wrong. But I still feel there is so much we could be doing to help Caroline live a more healthy life. I have a friend whose son struggles with some of the same issues and has begun a special diet. I plan on talking to her and the doctor and in May a pulmonologist. Hopefully, we can get all of these issues undercontrol.

Immeasurably more..

I LOVE the following verse in Ephesians. I think its my favorite Bible verse for a couple of reasons. One, it speaks to the very human, fleshy part of me that is scared of all the crap that can happen in a lifetime of living. I am working on giving that part of myself fully over to God because it clearly keeps me from having a deeper more meaningful relationship with Him. I know that until I TRUST Him fully with ALL of my life, I will never have the close communion that I so desire.
Secondly, I love this verse because it speaks to my favorite part of faith..OPTIMISM, HOPE and GRACE. I believe that God wants the best for me and is more than capable of doing immeasurably more in EVERY situation. The thing that I sometimes fail to get is HOW He does it. If I pray for someone who is ill and they die, does that mean He didn't do immeasurably more? No. It seems sometimes my IMMEASURABLY more and God's IMMEASURABLY more aren't the same. Do I trust His plan? Yes. Is it hard to not know all there is to know when you or someone you love is going through valleys in life..YES! Can I continue to ask God to do immeasurably more in the obvious ways..Yes! Sometimes I can't wait to get to heaven b/c I have sooooo many questions about this kind of stuff. Of course I know when I get there all these questions will seem trivial and all I will really be thinking is.."I am in Heaven..ROCK on!!" :)
I am praying for immeasurably more for Sweet Sam, who is scheduled to have his THIRD open heart surgery on April 19th. Please, if you share my faith and pray..lift this dear little lad and his awesome family up to the Lord. That immeasurably more would occur,that is would be a succesful surgery. For peace for his mommy and daddy and loads of other people who love him so very much. Also pray for a fellow MOPS mommy whose sweet little daughter is facing a 5th open heart surgery tomorrow despite the fact that she is only 2 months old! Pray for wisdom for her surgeon(who just happens to be Sam's too!)
Thanks...



Ephesians 3:20 (New International Version, ©2011)

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

Complacent

I fear I have become just that..complacent. Last night at church we had a banquet to kick off in a sorts, a campaign to raise $170,000 for missions in our church and community. First of all can I say again how much I love our new pastor and his passion for what the LORD wants for our church! Ever since I read Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love" I have felt very convicted about certain things. One of them being that I strongly feel God has little tolerance for people whose only goals in life are to get,get,get. I have spoken to this before on my blog. God doesn't give a crap about your house or your car or your clothes! He does care about YOU caring more about those things than those around us who desperatly need HIM.
The thing is I know this but little in my life has changed to reflect this. I still buy things I don't need. I still covet things others have. My dreams sadly reflect those of a person with self-serving ambitions.
As Jeff and I left the church and discussed what we heard and saw the conversation inevitably came to the ulitmate point of the night.."How much are we willing to give?" Money. Yuck. I fully admit to really stinking when it comes to sacrifice. I am all about talking a great game about it but in the end, almost 90% of the time when the going gets tough and I am truly being faced with sacrificing..I find a way out.
But here's the thing. I really haven't found a way out. Because of my choices to do what I want instead of what GOD wants I have done nothing to bring glory to God or his kingdom. No souls will be won if I continue to live a life of complacency.
Certainly when I die I don't want to hear God say to me, "Wow. You really dropped the ball. There is so much I could have accomplished if you would have only let me."
I feel like for the past year or so I have basically just been drifting in my walk. Not growing, not leading, not changing the hearts of those around me who need the salvation of Christ. I need to pray about how to change that. I am certain simply cutting a check each month isn't going to "cut" it. More is required and expected of me from this great God I am priveledged to serve.
I have got some serious soul searching to do. I just hope I get my act together this time!

Are you serious..

I was going to title this post something different but thought I best not swear in the blog title! We have been through the ringer over here wtih sickness. I talked about Ellie's bout with the stomach flu on Valentine's Day. She was victim number 2. Caroline puked a week before Ellie. Then Ellie got it and the next day she came down with a nasty case of RSV. Then Caroline and Matthew got bronchitis, sinus infections and ear infections with high fevers for nearly five days thrown in for good measure. Just when I think no one else could possibly get sick..they do. I am weary on many levels. Weary of constantly tending to a puking little one, disinfecting like crazy in hopes that it doesn't spread. Weary of sleeping like crap because one or more of the kids is waking up to have me tend to whatever need they have. Weary of Matthew having missed nine days of school. Weary of doctor appointments and co pays and prescription cost. Weary of my own schedule being completly thrown to the wayside over the last month. Weary that my gym schedule and all I have accomplished with that being disrupted.
But then I read about Kate McCrae who is facing discouraging news in her battle with brain cancer. Or of another friend's baby from MOPS who had heart surgery over a month ago and is still hospitalized almost six weeks later with many complications. I am grateful for kids who have minor illnesses that they will recover from. That I can make it all better with a hug or a antibiodic or just some time.
Yes, this past month has really stunk. But it could be much worse.
We're just praying that the sickie germs that have invaded our home are gone for good soon and that Spring will show its glorious face soon! I saw on a marquee for a local florist the following blerb,"Winter makes you appreciate Spring" Can I get an AMEN!!?
Hoping you and yours are healthier than the Simpson clan!!

Because my heart is HIS home..

Matthew is nearly six. First of all can I say I hardly can believe that. It seems like just the other day that I laid my eyes on that sweet little bundle of joy:) Matthew has mellowed over this past year. The child who once could drive me absolutly bonkers has become one of my favorite companions. He is thoughtful and easy going. An amazingly helpful, wonderful big brother! He is also my deep thinker. He has lamented to me several times this year about how he wishes he could go to a Christian elementary school. I have explained to him that right now we can't swing it but it is our desire for him to go to a Christian school one day. Another area in which we have spent quite alot of time discussing it about how God cares more about your insides rather than how you look or how you dress. Over the summer and Fall both Matthew and Caroline talked alot about who was fat or skinny. This kind of talk makes my blood boil. Having struggled with my weight my entire life, I want to firmly instill in my children's hearts that the way you LOOK certainly doesn't tell a person's entire story. I also want my children to be defenders of those who others are quick to judge. It is a lesson they have learned well so far because if they even think about saying something in regards to someone being overweight they will quickly add, "But God only cares about your heart, right mommy?"
So yesterday Matthew is just sitting on the couch seemingly minding his own business when he says to me, " Mommy, you know why God cares so much about my heart?" To which I said, " No, why honey?" " Because my heart is HIS home now. That is where He lives, not on the outside."
Amen brother! Grateful for one tiny lesson that seems be routed in that gorgeous little heart of his!

Learn the love language DUDE!

I have never fully read the Love Language book. But, I have been to countless MOPS sessions on it. I would say, without a doubt I responded favorably to gifts and words of affirmation. I like BIG gifts like IPADS,IPHONES, MACbooks..ok..all things MAC. However, a ten dollar box of coffee or even a ten dollar Biggby giftcard will get this girl pretty darn excited! Unfortunatly, my hubbie, after being with me for TWELVE years, eight of which he has been my husband, has SUCKED at coming though on this. I blame the accountant in him. He is such a money man. Always thinking of that damn budget. So this year at Christmas I had him tell me what he WOULD get me if the BUDGET was not an issue. He rattled off several things I have my eye on and I will say it provided me much satisfaction in knowing at least he listens when I talk:)
So for Valentines Day he told me that I wasn't getting anything but that he would get me a card. I got him a hilarious card by the way and some small trinkets. Because that's how I roll..nicely and thoughtfully:) (and humbly too!) I did have a major meltdown of sorts on Friday night and went to blowoff some steam by soaking my narsty winterized feet in the local nail shop for a spa pedicure. So, techinically that may qualify as a Valentine present. I argue not b/c I think Jeff knew if I didn't get one tiny morsel of me time I may have never returned home..but I will say that it was nice to get out and have my feet all dolled up! The weekend came and went, with me working at my job which I am not at all that fond of. I wake up Monday morning all ready to take Matthew and the awesome cake pops I made to his Valentine Party at school when I enter Ellie's bedroom to find her and her crib, bedding,etc COVERED IN ..wait for it...PUKE! Happy Valentine's day to me! I spent the next eight hours helping a 17 month old puke into towels, washing the towels, trying to distract the 17 month old from wanting to eat and drink, which she desperatly wanted to do. It sucked..BIG time..I realize more for Ellie in the end than for her bratty mommy. As the day went on I became more and more resentful of the lack of gift and card for that matter. I knew he didn't have one and now with Ellie puking the last thing I wanted was a late arrival home. Then I stared puking. Seriously, could it get any worse? Don't answer that, I know. Yes, it could. So, I started talking myself out of my downward spiral of self pity and thought of all the awesome things there are about Jeff. One of which is him coming home early yesterday and rescuing me from Ellie so I could puke in peace:) I rallied quickly and made the huge mistake of going on FB to see what everyone else's was up to while I was catching puke all day. BIG MISTAKE..HUGE! I kept seeing all these posts about flowers, candy, dinners out, gifts, etc. I then did something I try not to do on FB and trashed my hubbie.
Then, not five minutes later, as I took my weary, cardless and giftless self to bed I found it. A hand typed note of 10 things Jeff loves about me. Sweetest thing ever. I went up to him to hug him and he quickly backed away..and said, " Thanks..I will take a raincheck pukey!" Love that guy!
Hope your Valentine's Day was awesome and vomit free!

Covet not

I admit it..I have a huge problem with coveting! Before you get the wrong idea, not about other people's hubbies!:) But of their lifestyles. Its very easy for me to get wrapped up in what I assume is the lovely lifesyle of those I know, or some cases don't even know! Usually, ok ALWAYS its because they have more money than me and I think if I had more that I would be blissfully happy. This is a load of crap for more reasons than I could ever blog about. Earlier this year in BSF(Bible study fellowship) our lecturer talked about how sometimes God protects us from certain things b/c basically He knows we just can't handle it. I think this is definitely true in regards to me and MONEY. I like to think that if I was a cajillionaire that I would be so giving, so unchanged by it. That I would still be the same. I think that might be true in many ways but I think I certainly would get caught up in it all.
Lately, though, my coveting has taken me to a place that I fear God is NOT at all understanding about. Lately, when I think of what I don't have, I get kinda sad and "Poor me" about it. You know what I think God thinks when HE hears it.." You think your sad now Suzie Q.. you better shape up pronto or I WILL get your priorites in line!" I think it downright ANGERS God to no end to hear me think like this.
The other night I was feeling blue and simultaneously urged to go to my BSF lesson, to open my Bible and get right with God! I am sure you will be shocked to know that I did indeed straighten up and fly right:)
In my defense, I think b/c money always seems tight for us in one way or another( insert that this is do to some BAD money choices made by me and Jeff) that it seems like money would solve alot of issues.
But, as a friend who has much money but not also alot of lonliness alluded to the other day..ITS NOT EVERYTHING!
What do I take from all this coveting and money crap..Always go to God and HIS truth when your blue. HE will have you seeing rainbows soon enough:)

What I would do with a kidless day

For some reason I have been thinking about this alot lately. Remembering when I had lots of kidless days and what I did with it. I have to say that I am a huge advocate for "sowing your oats" before you have kids kind of girl. Because, lets face it, once that kidless ship has sailed, its SAILED. And your left holding a rubber ducky :) Anyways..this is what I would do. I broke it down based on seasons b/c of course that would change my agenda..

FALL:
Grab a crap load of freshly baked apple cider donuts from a cider mill and take a long drive up North to enjoy some fall foilage. Listening to MY music (no kids bop)

WINTER:
Curl up with a fabulous book and an endless amount of steaming hot Constant Comment or Republic of Teas Ginger Peach tea. Read my book, fireside, tea in hand, napping intermitently.

SPRING:
Drive up to the Detroit area, this time I would have to plan my route with Biggby's coffee stops so I could have endless amounts of cafe ole's made my way ( which ever flavored coffee sounds tasty that day, with equal proportions of cream and skim milk steamed in) YUM. A. ROO.
Once there I would shop with NO BUDGET for a new spring wardrobe. It would certainly include an amazing pair of Tori Berch flats. On my way home I would detour through Ann Arbor and stock up at Trader Joe's. Again, NO BUDGET!

SUMMER:
Pack a delightful book,my swimsuit from my Spring shopping spree, grab a HUGE coke from SONIC with my fav bally ice and throw in some tater tots from there for good measure:) and head to South Haven for a day of sunning, reading, and ice chewing.

Ahhh..I feel better. If even just to dream a little dream.

A new habit...

I read somewhere that if you do something consistently for 21 days it becomes a habit. I suppose you could intentionally do something not so good for you and see if this is true. I am sure I have unintentionally have done lots of bad things and never even realized it. But, I picked working out for a new, good habit! Over the last 30 days I have worked out almost 25 of them. Its been so much fun. I joined a gym that a lot of people I know go to. Some are new friends, some are aquaintances, some are tried and true known forever friends. ALL have been encouraging. The classes the gym offers are AWESOME. Plus its been really rewarding to be able to complete the classes. Even if I can't always do every move or every minute at high intensity, I can finish and I am seeing improvement with each passing day. I am able to push myself more and more. I am becoming one of those people who doesn't want to miss working out. The kind that feels like something is missing if I miss it. I am loving feeling that combo of sweaty and exhausted at the end of a class and knowing I gave 100%.
Has the scale moved dramatically? NO! But, I feel stronger, look a wee bit trimer and feel proud of myself. I realize its only been 30 days and with my track record it could all fall to the wayside with a sick kid throwing me off my game. But I am trying to stay focused and determined to keep it up. Jeff and I are going to a wedding in Vermont in June. That is my "goal", to look awesome and buy something that I would normally loathe buying..A DRESS! I hate dresses, always have. So looking good in one would be a great reward for all the hardwork it takes to get your butt and your three kids up and dressed and fed and to the gym on any given day.
What I wouldn't give for all those years I wasted as a single gal, or a married gal with no kids, when really..I had all the TIME in the world. Oh well, you know what they say about HINDSIGHT!?
Hoping your New Years Resolutions are going gymingly!:) hee

Chocolate milk that doesn't need to be cooked..

In Matthew speak this means, chocolate milk already made in the container. He has been calling it this forever. It is so cute! But I know that one day I will forget it no matter how cute it is now. I can never imagine forgetting the way Ellie points her chubby little finger and says, "This!" or Caroline in her angriest voice saying, "I not you best friend anymore!" or when we leave any Bible study or church event and I ask her what she learned about she says, "Jesus and God." Every. Single. Time. For the past month when I ask Matthew what he learned in school he says, " I am not telling you till 100 days." Whatever. Matthew also claims he will NEVER live away from us. I guarentee that I won't forget that b/c I plan on throwing that right back in his face when he "hates" us for not letting him do this, that or the other thing when he is 18.
More seriously, Matthew gets really worried that if he acts naughty that we won't "love" him anymore. To which I reassure him time and again that there is nothing he could do to lose our love for him. We do throw in that there are many, many, things he does that make us disapointed in him. And suddenly I can hear my own mother's word coming forth. Caroline worries that "no one wikes me at BSF. They not want to sit with me." And so the early lessons of rejection and how to deal are born.
It seems like forever and a day away that my children will be 18,17 and 14 but yet I know it will seem like its here in a blink of an eye. So, I will write it down so even when I forget, I can read it all here and smile and most likely have a good cry!

Is Marriage hard work?

So I think I have mentioned that I read the blog by Mckmama. There is all sorts of drama surrounding her blog as of late. About various issues. But,the topic today got my attention. In it Jennifer, the author of the blog states that she thinks marriage is really hard work. Now is that so awful? I think not. But,man, did she open the floodgates of criticism. She had over 160 comments about how people didn't think it was work. Granted,I think people are more or less irritated by her than her views on marriage. But it got me wondering what my answer to this question is? I would say in no uncertain terms...ABSOLUTLY! I actually can't believe anyone who has been married for more than thirty days would say otherwise. Does that mean that its not fun, rewarding, awesome? Again, I think not. I have been married for nearly eight years. Its been a great ride thus far. But, with three little ones underfoot and often driving us crazy, it can be hard work not to lose your cool with the one person who knows you best. Gone, for what seems like forever, are the days of just being with each other. There are so many things to do, worries, stress that can bog us down. And Jeff and I don't even have any major stessors like illness or unemployment. WE have been incredibly blessed these past seven and a half years and yet..its hard work.
So, is marriage hard work to you? Damn you people...COMMENT:) Or as Caroline says, I will be weally super mad!" Not really but I would like to know others thoughts on this...