Are you serious..

I was going to title this post something different but thought I best not swear in the blog title! We have been through the ringer over here wtih sickness. I talked about Ellie's bout with the stomach flu on Valentine's Day. She was victim number 2. Caroline puked a week before Ellie. Then Ellie got it and the next day she came down with a nasty case of RSV. Then Caroline and Matthew got bronchitis, sinus infections and ear infections with high fevers for nearly five days thrown in for good measure. Just when I think no one else could possibly get sick..they do. I am weary on many levels. Weary of constantly tending to a puking little one, disinfecting like crazy in hopes that it doesn't spread. Weary of sleeping like crap because one or more of the kids is waking up to have me tend to whatever need they have. Weary of Matthew having missed nine days of school. Weary of doctor appointments and co pays and prescription cost. Weary of my own schedule being completly thrown to the wayside over the last month. Weary that my gym schedule and all I have accomplished with that being disrupted.
But then I read about Kate McCrae who is facing discouraging news in her battle with brain cancer. Or of another friend's baby from MOPS who had heart surgery over a month ago and is still hospitalized almost six weeks later with many complications. I am grateful for kids who have minor illnesses that they will recover from. That I can make it all better with a hug or a antibiodic or just some time.
Yes, this past month has really stunk. But it could be much worse.
We're just praying that the sickie germs that have invaded our home are gone for good soon and that Spring will show its glorious face soon! I saw on a marquee for a local florist the following blerb,"Winter makes you appreciate Spring" Can I get an AMEN!!?
Hoping you and yours are healthier than the Simpson clan!!

Because my heart is HIS home..

Matthew is nearly six. First of all can I say I hardly can believe that. It seems like just the other day that I laid my eyes on that sweet little bundle of joy:) Matthew has mellowed over this past year. The child who once could drive me absolutly bonkers has become one of my favorite companions. He is thoughtful and easy going. An amazingly helpful, wonderful big brother! He is also my deep thinker. He has lamented to me several times this year about how he wishes he could go to a Christian elementary school. I have explained to him that right now we can't swing it but it is our desire for him to go to a Christian school one day. Another area in which we have spent quite alot of time discussing it about how God cares more about your insides rather than how you look or how you dress. Over the summer and Fall both Matthew and Caroline talked alot about who was fat or skinny. This kind of talk makes my blood boil. Having struggled with my weight my entire life, I want to firmly instill in my children's hearts that the way you LOOK certainly doesn't tell a person's entire story. I also want my children to be defenders of those who others are quick to judge. It is a lesson they have learned well so far because if they even think about saying something in regards to someone being overweight they will quickly add, "But God only cares about your heart, right mommy?"
So yesterday Matthew is just sitting on the couch seemingly minding his own business when he says to me, " Mommy, you know why God cares so much about my heart?" To which I said, " No, why honey?" " Because my heart is HIS home now. That is where He lives, not on the outside."
Amen brother! Grateful for one tiny lesson that seems be routed in that gorgeous little heart of his!

Learn the love language DUDE!

I have never fully read the Love Language book. But, I have been to countless MOPS sessions on it. I would say, without a doubt I responded favorably to gifts and words of affirmation. I like BIG gifts like IPADS,IPHONES, MACbooks..ok..all things MAC. However, a ten dollar box of coffee or even a ten dollar Biggby giftcard will get this girl pretty darn excited! Unfortunatly, my hubbie, after being with me for TWELVE years, eight of which he has been my husband, has SUCKED at coming though on this. I blame the accountant in him. He is such a money man. Always thinking of that damn budget. So this year at Christmas I had him tell me what he WOULD get me if the BUDGET was not an issue. He rattled off several things I have my eye on and I will say it provided me much satisfaction in knowing at least he listens when I talk:)
So for Valentines Day he told me that I wasn't getting anything but that he would get me a card. I got him a hilarious card by the way and some small trinkets. Because that's how I roll..nicely and thoughtfully:) (and humbly too!) I did have a major meltdown of sorts on Friday night and went to blowoff some steam by soaking my narsty winterized feet in the local nail shop for a spa pedicure. So, techinically that may qualify as a Valentine present. I argue not b/c I think Jeff knew if I didn't get one tiny morsel of me time I may have never returned home..but I will say that it was nice to get out and have my feet all dolled up! The weekend came and went, with me working at my job which I am not at all that fond of. I wake up Monday morning all ready to take Matthew and the awesome cake pops I made to his Valentine Party at school when I enter Ellie's bedroom to find her and her crib, bedding,etc COVERED IN ..wait for it...PUKE! Happy Valentine's day to me! I spent the next eight hours helping a 17 month old puke into towels, washing the towels, trying to distract the 17 month old from wanting to eat and drink, which she desperatly wanted to do. It sucked..BIG time..I realize more for Ellie in the end than for her bratty mommy. As the day went on I became more and more resentful of the lack of gift and card for that matter. I knew he didn't have one and now with Ellie puking the last thing I wanted was a late arrival home. Then I stared puking. Seriously, could it get any worse? Don't answer that, I know. Yes, it could. So, I started talking myself out of my downward spiral of self pity and thought of all the awesome things there are about Jeff. One of which is him coming home early yesterday and rescuing me from Ellie so I could puke in peace:) I rallied quickly and made the huge mistake of going on FB to see what everyone else's was up to while I was catching puke all day. BIG MISTAKE..HUGE! I kept seeing all these posts about flowers, candy, dinners out, gifts, etc. I then did something I try not to do on FB and trashed my hubbie.
Then, not five minutes later, as I took my weary, cardless and giftless self to bed I found it. A hand typed note of 10 things Jeff loves about me. Sweetest thing ever. I went up to him to hug him and he quickly backed away..and said, " Thanks..I will take a raincheck pukey!" Love that guy!
Hope your Valentine's Day was awesome and vomit free!

Covet not

I admit it..I have a huge problem with coveting! Before you get the wrong idea, not about other people's hubbies!:) But of their lifestyles. Its very easy for me to get wrapped up in what I assume is the lovely lifesyle of those I know, or some cases don't even know! Usually, ok ALWAYS its because they have more money than me and I think if I had more that I would be blissfully happy. This is a load of crap for more reasons than I could ever blog about. Earlier this year in BSF(Bible study fellowship) our lecturer talked about how sometimes God protects us from certain things b/c basically He knows we just can't handle it. I think this is definitely true in regards to me and MONEY. I like to think that if I was a cajillionaire that I would be so giving, so unchanged by it. That I would still be the same. I think that might be true in many ways but I think I certainly would get caught up in it all.
Lately, though, my coveting has taken me to a place that I fear God is NOT at all understanding about. Lately, when I think of what I don't have, I get kinda sad and "Poor me" about it. You know what I think God thinks when HE hears it.." You think your sad now Suzie Q.. you better shape up pronto or I WILL get your priorites in line!" I think it downright ANGERS God to no end to hear me think like this.
The other night I was feeling blue and simultaneously urged to go to my BSF lesson, to open my Bible and get right with God! I am sure you will be shocked to know that I did indeed straighten up and fly right:)
In my defense, I think b/c money always seems tight for us in one way or another( insert that this is do to some BAD money choices made by me and Jeff) that it seems like money would solve alot of issues.
But, as a friend who has much money but not also alot of lonliness alluded to the other day..ITS NOT EVERYTHING!
What do I take from all this coveting and money crap..Always go to God and HIS truth when your blue. HE will have you seeing rainbows soon enough:)

What I would do with a kidless day

For some reason I have been thinking about this alot lately. Remembering when I had lots of kidless days and what I did with it. I have to say that I am a huge advocate for "sowing your oats" before you have kids kind of girl. Because, lets face it, once that kidless ship has sailed, its SAILED. And your left holding a rubber ducky :) Anyways..this is what I would do. I broke it down based on seasons b/c of course that would change my agenda..

FALL:
Grab a crap load of freshly baked apple cider donuts from a cider mill and take a long drive up North to enjoy some fall foilage. Listening to MY music (no kids bop)

WINTER:
Curl up with a fabulous book and an endless amount of steaming hot Constant Comment or Republic of Teas Ginger Peach tea. Read my book, fireside, tea in hand, napping intermitently.

SPRING:
Drive up to the Detroit area, this time I would have to plan my route with Biggby's coffee stops so I could have endless amounts of cafe ole's made my way ( which ever flavored coffee sounds tasty that day, with equal proportions of cream and skim milk steamed in) YUM. A. ROO.
Once there I would shop with NO BUDGET for a new spring wardrobe. It would certainly include an amazing pair of Tori Berch flats. On my way home I would detour through Ann Arbor and stock up at Trader Joe's. Again, NO BUDGET!

SUMMER:
Pack a delightful book,my swimsuit from my Spring shopping spree, grab a HUGE coke from SONIC with my fav bally ice and throw in some tater tots from there for good measure:) and head to South Haven for a day of sunning, reading, and ice chewing.

Ahhh..I feel better. If even just to dream a little dream.

A new habit...

I read somewhere that if you do something consistently for 21 days it becomes a habit. I suppose you could intentionally do something not so good for you and see if this is true. I am sure I have unintentionally have done lots of bad things and never even realized it. But, I picked working out for a new, good habit! Over the last 30 days I have worked out almost 25 of them. Its been so much fun. I joined a gym that a lot of people I know go to. Some are new friends, some are aquaintances, some are tried and true known forever friends. ALL have been encouraging. The classes the gym offers are AWESOME. Plus its been really rewarding to be able to complete the classes. Even if I can't always do every move or every minute at high intensity, I can finish and I am seeing improvement with each passing day. I am able to push myself more and more. I am becoming one of those people who doesn't want to miss working out. The kind that feels like something is missing if I miss it. I am loving feeling that combo of sweaty and exhausted at the end of a class and knowing I gave 100%.
Has the scale moved dramatically? NO! But, I feel stronger, look a wee bit trimer and feel proud of myself. I realize its only been 30 days and with my track record it could all fall to the wayside with a sick kid throwing me off my game. But I am trying to stay focused and determined to keep it up. Jeff and I are going to a wedding in Vermont in June. That is my "goal", to look awesome and buy something that I would normally loathe buying..A DRESS! I hate dresses, always have. So looking good in one would be a great reward for all the hardwork it takes to get your butt and your three kids up and dressed and fed and to the gym on any given day.
What I wouldn't give for all those years I wasted as a single gal, or a married gal with no kids, when really..I had all the TIME in the world. Oh well, you know what they say about HINDSIGHT!?
Hoping your New Years Resolutions are going gymingly!:) hee

Chocolate milk that doesn't need to be cooked..

In Matthew speak this means, chocolate milk already made in the container. He has been calling it this forever. It is so cute! But I know that one day I will forget it no matter how cute it is now. I can never imagine forgetting the way Ellie points her chubby little finger and says, "This!" or Caroline in her angriest voice saying, "I not you best friend anymore!" or when we leave any Bible study or church event and I ask her what she learned about she says, "Jesus and God." Every. Single. Time. For the past month when I ask Matthew what he learned in school he says, " I am not telling you till 100 days." Whatever. Matthew also claims he will NEVER live away from us. I guarentee that I won't forget that b/c I plan on throwing that right back in his face when he "hates" us for not letting him do this, that or the other thing when he is 18.
More seriously, Matthew gets really worried that if he acts naughty that we won't "love" him anymore. To which I reassure him time and again that there is nothing he could do to lose our love for him. We do throw in that there are many, many, things he does that make us disapointed in him. And suddenly I can hear my own mother's word coming forth. Caroline worries that "no one wikes me at BSF. They not want to sit with me." And so the early lessons of rejection and how to deal are born.
It seems like forever and a day away that my children will be 18,17 and 14 but yet I know it will seem like its here in a blink of an eye. So, I will write it down so even when I forget, I can read it all here and smile and most likely have a good cry!

Is Marriage hard work?

So I think I have mentioned that I read the blog by Mckmama. There is all sorts of drama surrounding her blog as of late. About various issues. But,the topic today got my attention. In it Jennifer, the author of the blog states that she thinks marriage is really hard work. Now is that so awful? I think not. But,man, did she open the floodgates of criticism. She had over 160 comments about how people didn't think it was work. Granted,I think people are more or less irritated by her than her views on marriage. But it got me wondering what my answer to this question is? I would say in no uncertain terms...ABSOLUTLY! I actually can't believe anyone who has been married for more than thirty days would say otherwise. Does that mean that its not fun, rewarding, awesome? Again, I think not. I have been married for nearly eight years. Its been a great ride thus far. But, with three little ones underfoot and often driving us crazy, it can be hard work not to lose your cool with the one person who knows you best. Gone, for what seems like forever, are the days of just being with each other. There are so many things to do, worries, stress that can bog us down. And Jeff and I don't even have any major stessors like illness or unemployment. WE have been incredibly blessed these past seven and a half years and yet..its hard work.
So, is marriage hard work to you? Damn you people...COMMENT:) Or as Caroline says, I will be weally super mad!" Not really but I would like to know others thoughts on this...

Blah hum bug

Christmas is over. But my house is still decorated. Santa has come and it looks like Toys R Us threw up all over our house. There is crap everywhere and its making me one grumpy mama! Part of me wants to take care of it all right now. But the rational part of me realizes that this will be much better suited for a day when Daddy is home. Jeff is off Thursday-Sunday of this week so I must wait until then to accomplish my goals!
I am weary of 2010. I really want 2011 to come. Not that 2010 was bad. It was fine. But I am excited for what 2011 will bring our family. Will it bring me to Western to get my MSW? Will it bring Jeff a new job? What blessings will God grant us this year? I hope in 2011 to see God daily and to be grateful to him, daily. To seek Him before I do anything. To start and end my day with Him in my mind. I think if I actually accomplish this goal I will be able to pretty much accomplish anything. I stink at it though. Again and again I set this as a goal and again and again I fail.
I joined a new gym and so far, a week in, I am motivated. I am still down 110 pounds from my all time high weight from 3 years ago when I had gastric bypass. I am celebrating that. Instead of dwelling on the 25 pounds I have gained since being pregnant with Ellie. 110 pounds is still pretty damn good. Now I want to be in awesome shape. I want to push my body harder than its ever been pushed before. Ok, I also wouldn't mind looking great in a pair of size 10 jeans. I don't think I have worn size ten since...lets just say a long, long time!
I want to enjoy my kids more in 2011. Be annoyed less. I want to spend time with people who add something positive to my life. I have had it with people who you can't count on and with the "Debbie Downers" of the world. Life is too short to be like that. Thankfully,I am blessed with lots of positive, inspiring people.
I love the start of something new. There is so much possiblility in it. 2011 can be anything I want it to be in my mind.I just hope my body follows through!
Happy New Year!

John 3:16

That verse is the header of this year's Simpson Christmas card. I looked through several different photo cards, on several different sites, before deciding on this one. Why? Because I am celebrating and rejoicing in the birth of our Lord and Savior. I am not celebrating Kwanza, Hanukah,the Holidays or anything else. I do not believe in them. I believe in Christ. I believe that GOD so loved the WORLD that he gave his ONLY SON that whoever believes in HIM shall NOT PERISH but have ETERNAL life!
Go ahead, disagree. Through my study of Isaiah this year in BSF, one thing I have learned is to be BOLD in my faith. We only have one life to get this right. I have many things to change and do to become more steadfast in my faith. But I am beginning it with my Christmas card. I would love it if everyone who opens it thinks, "Wow, the Simpsons went really religious this year. " I would love it even more if they thought, " Wow, Christ came for me! God gave me HIS only SON!"
I am not nieve to think that a card alone will do it for most people. I think probably its more likely that if they see Christ living in me, they will maybe wonder what the difference is in my life. If I step out of my comfort zone daily and do things like share my faith, invite others to church, speak thoughtfully, live purposefully that it will say more than a Christmas card ever could.
Studying Isaiah has taught me, so far, that we are held to a very high standard as Christians. That God expects much of His people. That we fall horridly short. But, that through the grace and the glorious gift of HIS SON, we all can be redeemed and indeed live eternally with Him. His gift is ours for the taking..
Merry CHRISTmas!

Following through..

I suck at it. I am the queen of starting things and then giving up or giving in or just forgetting it. I am working on changing this but you know what they say, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." It seems to be deeply imbedded in me. One thing in which I have been successful is blogging. This month marks the 6th anniversary of my blog. I feel like I am one of the few left to continue to blog. I still enjoy it. I love looking back and reading about where we have been and how God has brought us through and especially reading back on the kids. Its amazing how quickly one can forget things that at the time seem like they are so unforgettable!
I haven't had comments in a long time, so part of me wonders if anyone even checks out blogs anymore? Perhaps not. It seems like in the age of Facebook people are content with simply knowing someones status update alone. Not me, I miss knowing more about people. More about their struggles. More about what I can pray for and more about the generalities of life. Oh well. Can't make people blog can you!
So what is new around here? Caroline continues to struggle with her asthma and is now on breathing treatments twice a day...yuck! We had a nice Thanksgiving and are in full swing of all things Christmas. The kids are at a great age for enjoying and getting the meaning of Christmas. Jeff found out last week that he will NOT be losing his job..a great praise. So, our plan for moving may be temporarily on hold. The new plan is for me to get my MSW from Western Michigan and then move on. Here is where the not following through could really be a negative. Not following through doesn't lead to 1( getting into grad school or 2) being successful in it! I am in the midst of applying so we will see.
I have been really feeling scattered lately. Missing meetings, forgetting things at home, serious absentmindness. I was telling Jaime this and she said that at BSF lecture this week our leader spoke specifically about this. That how when we don't pray for God's will to be done and for Him to lead us each day He does this to get our attentions to seek HIM! So, for the past few days I have done this and its going much better.
One question...Do you out there still read? If so, let me know..

Turkey Day Top Ten

So here it is..my Top Ten things I am thankful for this year. Some weird, some funny, some serious, some sad and of course some random or it wouldn't be me!

10. Frivilous t.v. shows like "The Big C", "Dexter","Modern Family".
9. Ice from Sam's Club or better yet from "Sonic" small and bally..is that word? and almost chewy..delish! Don't tell but I may have paid 16 cents for a cup of said ice before!
8. Ellie's little walking waddle. Its almost the last babysish thing left of our last babe and I love it.
7. Caroline's infectious laugh..
6. Praying for miracles like Kate McCrae's MRI to go well and for Sam's heart cath to go good and presto..its done.
5. Bible Study Fellowship. Sure, studying Isaiah is scaring the crap out of me but isn't that the point?
4. Matthew always saying loud as can be when he gets out of the van at drop of "I love you momma" those days are nearly over I fear.
3. After twelve years together and almost eight years of marriage, I still love my husband deeply and feel like I was granted a wish by marrying him.
2. That we all have our health. I have realized more this past year that it is a great blesssing and fleeting.
1. Of course, Christ. Because if this list ceased to exist..HE wouldn't
Have a Blessed Thanksgiving. Eat turkey, watch football, shop, decorate but take many, many moments to PRAISE the biggest blessing of all!

Sweet Sam

Just a quick post to ask any of you who read this and pray to pray for our dear,sweet little neighbor and buddy Samuel Ekkens. He was born with hypoplastic heart 18months ago. He has already endured two open heart surgeries. Due to some complications from a narrowing in his aorta, Sam will be having a heart cath tomorrow and possibly his third, and final open heart surgery tomorrow. This came out of no where so his poor family is just overwhelmed. His mom Jaime, was suppose to have surgery herself tomorrow. Now, she finds herself preparing yet again for a surgery for Sam. We all know how serious this is. But we also know that our God is more than capable of sustaining Sam through this. He has so blessed Sam with "good results" in the last 18 months. We're just pleading for more for him.
I was able to watch him for about an hour today and am still amazed at how good he looks. That kid has so much spunk and determination. Full of personality. I love him dearly. I have often told Jaime that God definetly knew what he was doing when he put together his personality. He needs to have fight in him!
Praying that I get to chase him around again soon!!
Join me...

One big ball of a mess..

I have been talking to a therapist a few times of month since early Spring. I initally went b/c basically motherhood and its demands were flippin getting the best of me. I felt like I wasn't handling things well, I was edgy, moody, snappy, basically a joy to be around:) Just ask Jeff! Anyways, we worked on those issues initially and now have moved on to other topics. No worries, I won't delve into them here. By the way, for those readers who were able to catch my REDEMPTION post, you will see its been deleted. In case you were wondering what happened, I basically decided that for the most part this blog is journal of my mothering years. Not to say that I don't include antedotes about other stuff but I generally keep it to kids info. I guess the subject matter that was included in that post, I want to decide when to share it with Matthew, Caroline and Ellie. I plan to make this blog a book when I decide to stop so I guess I just edited some content!
Anywhoo..I was talking with the therapist about how its so interesting to me what we start to talk about and what we ended up talking about by the end. Talk about a cluster of ideas..good gravy. I have never stuck therapy out this long. All I have to say about it is that its not easy! I made the analogy that its like a ball of yarn you have that is a big, tangled mess and it just seems like your never going to untangle it. But, as she pointed out, if you don't it just get bigger and tighter and then your really stuck..literally. I think its helping me become a better me and in turn a better mommy and wife and friend, sister, etc. But sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say " I quit! Deal with it people!" Nice, real nice..
Unrelated to me, the kids are good. Matthew had his tonsills out..hellish nightmare that was! I am so glad its behind us. Ellie got hand,foot and mouth..hellish as well. Caroline has been struggling with asthma issues..wait, didn't I day we were fine?:) In the grand scheme of things..we are. We have no serious issues plaguing us. A new friend of mine recently lost her 12 day old baby to Trisonmy 18. I went to her memorial service and it was both the sweetest and saddest things I have been to. Once again, I was reminded how really when you lose what you hold dearest all you have is your Faith to cling to. And again I was amazed and bless to see grieving, hurting people not only clinging to God but also taking the opportunity to draw those that don't know Christ to Him through the power of the testimony of their journey with sweet Baby Josie.
Jeff and I are getting away this weekend to a bed and breakfast in Union Pier. We can't wait. To just have time to be together and do whatever we want, knowing the kids are having fun with the grandparents. Ellie is sick again right now so were praying she gets better! Poor little gal has had a rough month!
Lastly, due to some childcare issues, I am only working weekends at the Retirement home now. I will miss the oldies but goodies but am glad to be home with my little ones more.I now work every other Sat and Sun from 6am-3pm. For now. We're still praying and figuring out what the heck is in store for the Simpsons!
I think that is all for now. I plan of doing another Thanksgiving list next week...stay tuned..:)

Caroline is 4!

Lots of Birthday blogging going on.Caroline turned four last Tuesday with a family party at home. She celebrated with about nine friends, mostly neighbors, at the beginning of the month. Being four, she was all into getting presents and was given lots of Little Pet Shop stuff, princess stuff, Barbie, and of course Dora. She hasn't outgrown her love of Dora just yet. Considering her peanut and egg allergy, we made her friends "dirt" cupcakes complete with gummy worms.
Sometimes I can hardly believe its been four years since Sweet Caroline blessed our lives. She has really blossomed this summer. Transitioning from a toddler to a preschooler/little girl. She has become one of the gang with the neighbor kids and spent nearly every hour possible outside this summer keeping up with her big brother! Caroline is a wonderful big sister to Ellie. She loves her(sometimes too much) and is helpful at fetching things for me. Caroline goes to BSF with me on Tuesday and loves to learn about Jesus there. You will often catch Caroline singing little verses to various Bible songs. She is attending preschool for the first time and is having fun there as well. Caroline is trying out karate and its just about the most adorable thing you've ever seen!
Still wearing her glasses for her farsightedness and lazy eyes you can't miss Caroline with her cropped brown hair and baby browns in her glasses! She still receives speech once a week but has made great strides this summer.
Caroline knows what she likes and what she DOESN'T like which can make things interesting. She can throw a whopper of a tantrum but her desire to perservere serves her and b/c of this she is very determined. She can already color in the lines and picks up things very quickly. She has been dressing herself for a long while now.
Full of spunk and full of life. Caroline has taught me more about myself and my shortcomings more than any other person. Caroline is not easily won over or influenced. She knows, even at the tender age of 4, who she is. I pray that trait doesn't leave her and serves her well! I love my sweet little Caroline...Happy fourth birthday darling girl!

Ellie is one..

Well, technically she is thirteen months old now! I wanted to give a quick update about her since that is the reason I love blogging..to read back about the kids later! Ellie turned one last month with a family party at home. Staying true to her little personality, she quietly enjoyed her cake..never once digging in. It was if she knew this was good stuff and she wasn't about to waste it!
What a year its been with our last little one. Ellie continues to be sweet, loving and easy going. She started walking shortly after her birthday and looks so tiny toddling around. Considering she is a good five pounds behind where Matthew and Caroline were at this age, she seems too tiny and dainty to walk but walk she does. She is interacting more and more with the kids and adores her brother and sister. Its hilarious to watch her wrestle with them! Ellie is a great eater and we haven't found much she won't munch on. Especially meat sticks! Ellie loves her some meat sticks:) She is starting to get a little apprehensive with strangers and sometimes will cry if seperated from those she loves best! One of those people is Grandma Barb, with whom Ellie has a special little bond with. Chalk it up to last grandchild syndrome. Ellie loves books and will sit in a pile, quietly going through them for quite awhile. Finally, after three tries, we have a little one who DOESN'T ransack everything. She is quite content just to look and it isn't in her nature, at least yet, to destroy things:)
We have continously realized throughout this year, with the addition of Ellie, how sometimes in life, things aren't planned but that sometimes those surprises add so much to your life that you can't possibly imagine life without them!!
We love you Elizabeth Jane, Ellie Bellie, Belle, Ellie belly full of Jelly! This kid has alot of nicknames!!

The life you never knew you always wanted..

I just got back from visting my dear, sweet niece Jessica at GVSU. Caroline and I day tripped it up there to see where she lived and to do some shopping. Plus, Caroline and Jessica love each other and have a special little bond thing going so I thought it would be nice. I am trying to do something special with Matthew and Caroline every now and again. Today was squeaky's turn..
Anywhoo...
While there I saw all sorts of things. Typical campus life. Kids, yes, kids..when did college people turn into kids..I swear I looked older when I was twentyish but those students looked downright infantile!:) We passed by some houses that you knew just wreaked of stale beer and puke and then we passed lots of spiffy housing that defintely did NOT remind me of any of the nasty places I was proud to call home in my tenure at CMU and MSU. I thought of my times spent at college. Many of which were spent drinking to excess and doing things I am sure my mother hopes never to know of. Then I thought of Jessica and how boldly Christian she is living her life. She is very involved in Campus Ministries. She leads a small group, which if you know Jessica, you know that group speaking isn't exactly in her comfort zone. But she is just another example of how we can do ALL things through Christ!! She has continued to make good, solid, Christian friends who inspire and grow her! I admit it..I was jealous. What time I wasted. What could I have accomplished if I had traveled that road instead of the one paved with parties and drinking and all sorts of other sinfulness?! I will never know the impact I COULD have had for the KINGDOM of GOD.
I guess you live and learn. I can't have a DO over but I can DO more in the present. In the time I have now. I can do my very best to raise children who SEEK Christ and all the great things living a life for HIM has to offer. I can live an UNASHAMED, PASSIONATE, CRAZY kind of love way for this GOD of mine. The God who knows every last horrid thing I have ever done or thought or said and still waits for me to come back to Him again and again. Thank goodness for a GOD like that..

Get ready, get set..and....WAIT!

I blogged about potentially moving a few months ago. Since then nothing much has happened. Wait, that isn't totally true. Some changes have taken place. I am organzing and cleaning and goodwilling the crap out of our house. I have been so motivated these past few weeks, you'd think I was nesting. NO!!! I am not nesting in the knocked up sense:) But, I do have that same excitement and anxiousness that one feels when they are expecting a baby. Actually, the way you feel when your pregnant with your first baby and you have NO idea what to expect. That is pretty much how I feel.
People keep asking us, "Why?" "When?" "What will you do if your house sells and you don't know where you will go?" Usually I just shrug and basically avoid the answers. The truth is this, We feel led to do this. We are confident that if this is blessed by Christ, all these questions will eventually have answers. The only plan I have right this very minute is to earnestly pray and to get my house ready to list. If it sells quickly, quite frankly, in this market I would consider this a huge blessing and mighty answer to prayer. I am confident in Jeff and his abilities and have no worries about him getting a new job. We're still not sure what this will all mean a year or two from now. But we figure if there is no better place for our lives and our families future to be but right in God's!
As I read over this I don't want to seem like I am always super confident in all of this. Nope. It can be quite unsettleling to be unsettled. But its very settling to be in God's will for my life. That much I know to be true..

Out of the zone

What zone? My comfort zone. I have mentioned that our church recently got a new pastor. I can't tell you how much I am enjoying the changes he is bringing to our church. He is stretching us in ways we haven't seen!! One of the ways he did this most recently was with an excercise in forgiveness. He asked us if we could think of someone who we were feeling anger, frustration, rage against. Then explained how when we do this we carry that and the pain they've caused around with us. At the end of the service we had time to pray to release the pain and forgive the person. This could not have hit home more closely! I have had some disagreements with a women in my MOPS group in the recent weeks. I have really had it with her leadership style and was definetly harbouring some pretty intense dislike for her. After I prayed to forgive her for the way I have been being treated by her, I felt so much better..immediately. Do I still have to deal with her and the situation? Yes, but not with an angry heart.
Pastor Mark preached about Acts and living authentically. He spoke about how so often when we ask or are asked how we are we just respond in a non authentic way. But God wants us to be known and real. At the close of the service he asked us to break into small group of four or five and share a prayer request. Let me tell you that I thought Jeff was going to run for the hills...so not him!! But, we did it and it was awesome. We were with two couples in their late forties. They are in different seasons of their lives obviously, but we were connecting and being real and most importaingly..being KNOWN. I left church that day feeling better than I have in years.
Thank you God for bringing Pastor Swank to us and stretching us..can't wait for more!

I heart Jeff..

I wish I knew how to make the actual heart..but since I am horrid at anything to do with computers its just not happening. Something happened this morning that reminded me how much I love my husband. Prepare yourselves its random.
I worked both Saturday and Sunday from 6:30 to 3pm. I wasn't planning on the Sunday shift so needless to say, I was grouchy. Upon returning home Sunday afternoon,tired and grouchy, I saw Jeff's helmet in the driveway. Two thoughts went through my head. 1) Get out of the car and move it.
2) Drive over it and hope its clears.
No need to spend lots of time guessing, of course I picked option two. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that it DIDN'T clear it. In fact, I broke the heck out of it. But, being the grouchy, entitled person that I was, I justified it by thinking," Well, it should have been there in the first place. " Oh by the way, it was still lodge under Jeff's car. I just shrugged it off and went inside. Fast forward to this morning. Jeff leaves for work and about ten minutes later he calls me. He is MAD! Wondering how his helmet got wedged under his car and broken. He asks me how I didn't see it. I try crafting a spur of the moment reason, ok a lie. But since I am a horrid liar, he quickly catches me and starts laughing. He basically calls me out on my laziness. We both start laughing because I realize, once again,that he knows me like the back of my hand and therefore I can't get anything past him. After I hung up I thought, " I love him!" I love that he knows me and still likes me:) He has seen the good the bad and the ugly and still he loves me. I am so grateful for Jeff and all he brings to my life. So often I comment on how great he is as a father, which he is. But, being a good husband and a good dad aren't the same thing. Its important to be both. To not settle in our relationship but to continue to strive to know each other and love each other. Even when we're grouchy and lazy!!