Old People Rock..

I have been working at a retirement home for about seven months now. I work Monday and Friday afternoons from 3:30-7:30 and every other weekend. Is it the most fun I have ever had? No. Am I utilizing my college degree? No. Do I feel like God has placed me exactly where he wants me to be? Yes. I love, love, love the men and women who reside at Park Village Pines. Some of them are losing it, but for the most part they are really together, wise people who love to chat it up. They are geniunely interested in my life. One women in particular, Fran has become particularly close to my heart. I pass her room as I am going back and forth to the dining room and I stop and chat with her. I have been doing this regularly now for about three months. Last week she told me that the past weekend was tough b/c it was the anniversary of her husband's death. They had been married for over 65 years! 65 YEARS PEOPLE!! Its hard for me to even wrap my head around that. I am in such awe of such devotion. I asked her the secret to a happy and long marriage and she said, "Have a sense of humor and forgive and forget!" AMEN to that!! She also told me that she had three sons, but one died when he was 22 hiking on the Appalachian trail. The way she spoke of her son's death and what it did to her and her marriage really moved me. I am blessed to know Fran and to hear and learn from her 88 years on this Earth. I feel honored that God has chosen me to be in these people's lives, even if its to serve them dinner. To make time,even just five minutes to stop in and chat, makes their endless days a little less dreary(her words not mine:)
Who knows how long I will be at this job..but I am grateful for God's blessings through it.

losing my mind

That is how I been feeling lately. I have been in really dark,dark place with parenting and especially with dealing with Caroline. Caroline is sweet and loving but she is perhaps the most strong willed child I have ever known, and I have known some doosies! IN dealing with her I have seen myself become completly unglued, unnerved, frazzled and plain insane. It all came to a head last week when a combination of factors led me to have a mini breakdown. I joke about it but it was very scary and I literally wanted to get in the car and drive away. Not a nice feeling to have.
So, instead of just giving up and living with this constant feeling of dread of having to mother for another minute, I decided to do something. To call a therapist, for myself and for Caroline. To be determined to do some serious soul searching and seriously commit to being a better person for myself and in turn my children. I am sure there will be moments again where I want to throw in the towel but where would that get any of us?
I share this not for pity's sake but for any of you out there who also stuggle with the grind and wear of parenting, especially a more difficult child...I feel your pain. Just wanted someone to know how it feels from this side of the keyboard..

35 and still a big ,fat baby!!

I love coming up with posting titles!! So, this Thursday, March 25th, I will officially be 35! Yikes..too close to 40 for me thank you very much. When I was younger and probably until I was 25 my birthdays were always filled with fun, presents, cake and presents, oops, did I mention the presents already. I have been thinking alot about my love language. Is it possible to speak them all? I like gifts of service, I like gifts, I really like words of affirmation and I don't mind a snuggle from my favorite guy, who just happens to be Jeff. So, really know one can win on my special day. Here is what the perfect day would look like for me

Wake up on the 25th of March to a giant bouquet of flowers with a BIG card full of LOTS of WORDS of why I am SO LOVED!! Then, the card would go on to say that I was getting a day at the spa, a balls out day at the spa, complete with massage, facial, pedicure. Then I would meet a bunch of friends at my favorite resturant. Ok, I realize I live in Kalamazoo, so I will take the Olive Garden. Then, a night a hotel, ALL BY MYSELF, Jeff stops by for a booty call(hee hee) and then I get to sleep in and do whatever I WANT FOR THE whole NEXT Day!! Am I asking for too much?? Ok, maybe!
Am I grateful for my home, kids, husband, health and loads of other things..OF COURSE! But, its a birthday wish so bug off!!
I know in reality, March 25th will most likely look like this,
1. Wake up at 6 am by Caroline saying, " Hi Mama, I get out of bed" and then be showered by a million "Happy Birthday Mommy" Wishes from Matthew and Caroline..
2. Make my own cake
3. ASk Jeff if he is really NOT getting me anything because the purse I bought in early Feb counts as a gift..:(
4. Make my own cake, which I allow Matthew to pick and its white, which I don't really like. Stay as calm as I can, as egg shells go flying into the batter.
5. Realize that my life is truly charmed and that I am a big,fat baby!!:)))
In reality, it will be mostly the second list...I am going to Lansing to hang out with some great friends who I haven't seen in ages for a Lia Sophia party and some girl time. Jeff is going to a Sweet Sixteen party on Sat and so I will have a whole night to myself to watch whatever I want and have the house be super clean..what more could a birthday girl ask for???

No more babies..

On Monday,Jeff's long awaited snip snip will occur:) Its been delayed THREE times since we first tried to schedule it in November!! A variety of reasons caused the delays. One of the biggest being our annoying, CATHOLIC faith based health insurance. Since Jeff works for a Catholic hospital, they do not cover ANY form of birth control. Don't even get me started!! This coupled with the fact that last May he had a procedure "down there":) and so the normal in office vasectomy is no longer an option for him. Instead of it costing around $800, its now costing us nearly $3000!! Again, can I say, so annoying!! Anyways, I find myself with mixed emotions about this. I mean, I know we are done having kids. But, with as much as I am so totally in love with my last baby and all she entails, I am sad that she is it. But, Jeff likes to remind me that she will soon no longer be a baby, she will grow up to be a THREE YEAR OLD, which as you all know from following this blog, seeing my FB status's or seeing me completly unglued in person..I don't deal with nearly as well as with a sweet, easy going six month old. I am so grateful for the blessing that God gaves us in Elizabeth Jane. She is the sunshine on the darkest days of my life. I can't imagine my life without her, or any of my kids!! I am so grateful that I was blessed with the ability to get pregnant easily and with relatively easy pregnancies. Our cup has runneth over in this area of our lives.
It will also be nice not to freal out every month that I am pregnant and be able to just do it!! TMI but, whatever, this is me. I am so sick of having my sex life being dictated by what day of the month it is. However, I can understand Jeff's freakish obsession with not takling chances since two of our three children were conceived at times that techinically it wasn't possible to conceieve. Like I always tell Jeff, "With GOd, all things are possible!!"
That has been the biggest blessing of Ellie's arrival. That Jeff has really learned that God does know best and how blessed you become when you let God's plan become your plan. I know some may argue that a vasectomy isn't God's plan but we're confident that this what God desires for us and our marriage.
We're hoping things go well on Monday, with no complications from the previous surgery. Also for a quick recovery!!
On a totally unrelated note, in regards to my previous post about Mckmama and being increasingly leary about her motives...I TAKE IT BACK!! After her recent missions trip to Kenya and with reading the slanderous lies on other blogas about her, I no longer doubt her motives. I have come to realize that its between her and God and I think she does have good and decent as well as moral intentions with her blog and work related to that! Random, but really on my mind this past week. I may do a post on it if I have time next week!
Hoping that Spring is arriving wherever you may find yourself!!
S

If only I could bubble tape my life...

Interesting title...
Last Monday started out ordinary. I woke up, made coffee, piddled around,Matthew had a snow day. Then, I went to work and thirty minutes into my shift ordinary life came screeching to a halt when my boss came in to tell us that our co worker Ashley was killed only hours earlier in a car crash. Each time in my life that I received news like this I remember the feelings of hearing that initial news. Now, with Ashley it was more disbelief. I mean I have only worked at Park Village Pines for about four months. In all honesty, Ashley and I weren't super close. But, she was 18, she was loved by many people and ..she was 18!! Too young to leave this world.
I excused myself to the bathroom and wept for her and her family, especially her mother. As a mother myself now, I really was stuck with thinking about the horror that she was going through. All week at work it was sad and eery being there.
Today before my shift, I went to the funeral home and saw a young, innocent, girl who would have turned 19 the day before, laying in a casket. There is nothing right about that. I thought of my own precious daughters and didn't even want to think about how it would feel to see one of them in this situation. I thought about how it would be nice to put a "bubble tape" of sorts around everyone and everything you hold dear. Then I thought of my amazing faith. Because of what Christ did for me and you on the cross..I don't need bubble tape. I have the ultimate protection of Christ making it all "ok" one day. But, that doesn't mean that I don't completly freak out when I hear about young girls dying in car crashes or sweet six year olds with brain tumors and it goes on and on. I started this post last night and before I sat down to finish it this morning I checked on Kate McRae's caringbridge. Usually when I read it I am moved but this morning, probably because of this past week, I am sobbing. I so want this world not to be broken. I don't want to hear about any more suffering or dying or pain. I want to be in a world where there are not children dying or earthquakes or any of it. Thank God I can set my eyes upon what is ahead during dark times like these. I really can't imagine living a life where this was it. How horridly depressing would that be?!
Well, I guess since I can't bubble tape my life, I should go do my Bible study..the best bubble tape around:)
Happy March blogging peeps!

Blogs for sale

Lately I have been becoming increasingly irritated with the blog by the name "MCKMAMA" I don't really feel like going into the whole back story about what this blog is about. If your so inclined go to www.mycharmingkids.net. There, you will find lots of information about Jennifer and her family of six, soon to be seven. There are two things I have noticed about this phenonenon of blogs having been "sold out" by which I mean, what was once a blog like mine starts to draw more and more readers. This draws the attention of advertisers. This leads to advertisments and lots and lots of posting. And, in my opinion the honesty and rawness of the blog starts to become compromised. For example with MckMama..I feel like its getting more and more contrived. Like she has a three posts a day minimium. One of her commenters made a statement about how when your reading other people's blogs with whom you don't actually "know" its easy to think you really do know them. This statement really resonates with me. I have said before that I have struggled with blog stalking. But, I have never pretended that I have real relationships with those people. Real, in the sense that I have seen them face to face and really know what they are like, not just what they type they are like. I will say, that I have some friends that I would never have had if it hadn't been for this blogging world and I do consider them friends even though we never met. They, however don't subsitiute the friends I have that I can touch:) Although JoEllen and Kelley..if your reading, you just might get touched by me someday because I would love the chance to "meet":)
I guess what I am saying, in my normal drawn out,long winded fashion is everything in moderation. The computer and this world of blogging, FBing, Tweeting, etc has the ability to bring us away from real fellowship.I want to keepconnected and keep praying for those in need. I want updates about stuff that is going on out there. I like being able to look at a picture of a guy I use to have a crush on in high school and think.."Yep...glad he passed on me!!" But, I would always choose to have the realness of crying and praying with a friend in her living room b/c her son's heart isn't fully developed. I will always choose the dinner with a girlfriend whose marriage is in shambles. The thirty minutes a day I spend looking blogging stuff up could never replace the years of real life living I have done with my friends.

Can't I have my cake and eat it too??

I started going back to Bible study Fellowship again in January. This year they are studying John. It is probably my fifth time being in BSF. I have been in several Bible studies and I have to say BSF is my favorite. I have learned the most about the Bible through my BSF studies. One of the things I love most about being a Christian is when you seek Christ, through His word, how he SO delivers. It amazes me how no matter where I am in life, HIS word IS relevant! So where in the part of John where Jesus raises Lazarus and then Mary annoints Jesus with washing his feet in the expensive oil and Judas freaks and then betrays Jesus. Our teaching leader spoke this week about Mary's sacrifice and how pleasing that was to the Lord. How its not always about how much things cost but what it COSTS us! In debating the whole Christian ed thing, this really struck a chord with me. I am definetly the kind of person who likes to think I can sacrifice but really in the end, most of the times, I bail on it when it gets uncomfortable for me. I was talking to Jaime about this yesterday and said,"Geez, Abraham was going to sacrifice his son and I don't even want to give up my coffee maker!" I was kinda of joking but in all honesty, not really. I am sure this comes from not being in close communion with God. But, as I have been spending more time in prayer about this, I do hear God's voice more and more clearly regarding sacrifice and how it can glorify the Lord. I often think if I am not suffering in an obvious way that I am not really serving God. But I think one of things God is trying to show me is that when we are obedient to what he desires for our lives, it can impact others just as much as a more obvious sacrifice does.

Crazy in love?

Our small group just finished reading the book "Crazy Love" and if you haven't read it...go buy it...NOW!! It was such a good book and it sparked such wonderful conversations among us. It also got Jeff thinking in a way I have never seen before which is super exciting for me. Although he is often a man of few words, when he does have something to say, it always seems to be really profound! That's not just the thought of a doting wife, others have said it before too. :)
The whole premise of Crazy Love is to be obsessed in your love for Jesus. To toss your cares for things of this world, like our cars, houses..stuff aside and live with abandon for our God. One of the ways in which this has struck me has been with our house. Before we moved here, we weren't really living in God's will. We believed in Him, but we were more inclined to go for things like the bigger house, fancier car..etc. Now, not so much. One thing that has become a priority for us is figuring out a way to provide our children with Christian schooling. Matthew attends Kalamazoo Christian for preschool and Caroline will attend next Fall. To be honest, it never even crossed my mind as an option before. But, now, after seeing what it has to offer..I feel very convicted that this is what the Lord wants for our children. Furthermore, I very strongly feel like the sacrifices that would be needed on our part is what God is calling us to. There are alot of uncertainties right now in our lives as far as careers and where we will be in the next three years go. But, one thing I am absolutlely sure of is I want GOD in the center of this decision. I want to seek HIS will for our lives. I want to look back five years from now and breath easy knowing..whatever came our way that we sought the Lord through it all! Defintely five years from now..heck, five days from now I want to be able to say I am crazier in love with God than ever!! How about you?? Are you CRAZY!!???

Marriage preservation

So lately I have been surrounded by people getting divorced. It started with two of my parents friends, who after 40 some years of marriage called it quits. Now it has trickled down to the demographic of which I am in (married about ten years, small kids, etc.) Yesterday my sister told me about a couple, for whom I nannied for and actually lived with for four months were calling it quits. My mom later asked me if I was shocked and I answered No..sadly, people giving up on their marriages seems to be happening all too frequently. Then, I started considering my own marriage. I mean, I lived with that couple, hung out with them alot and they seemed pretty happy, in fact, their marriage has a lot of similiarities to my own. It was seven years ago that all this occured and obviously alot could have gone on in those years. This lead me to seriously consider how much I potentially take my marriage and its well being for granted. I think that I do. I just assume that Jeff will always be there, always love me, always take care of us, always put up with me and whatever mood I decided he gets that day. I have joked before that I sometimes talk to Jeff like Kate Gosselin talked to Jon. Really, this isn't funny. I should be more honoring and respectful of him..always, not just when the mood strikes.
I blogged about making time for intimacy, and I don't want to be TMI here, but that is one area that we struggle in. But, I think this is defintely one area that people over look but can truly have detrimental consequences to the survival of a marriage. If you lose that part, what are you other than roomates and if your a roomie with your spouse it becomes way easier to "break your lease" so to speak.
I am saddened by all the people I know who are struggling in their marriages and especially for those who have deemed theirs unrepairable. My heart aches for the innocent victims, the children of these unions. I have been lifting these people in prayer because I truly believe our Lord is capable of restoring anything and no situation is ever hopeless. But, I also am determined to learn lessons from other people's mistakes and to remain proactive in my attempts to preserve my marriage.

10 for 2010

New Year's Resolutions suck!! I hate them and hardly ever make or keep them! But, this year, I am determined to make some that would make some MEANIGFUL differences in my life. So, here they are. I am picking ten for the year 2010 and I figure that will give me better odds at accomplishing at least one right:)

10.To not scream at my kids
9. To only have the t.v on for an hour a day
8. To read the Bible each day for a minimum of twenty minutes
7. To speak to my husband lovingly
6. To play with my kids, get down on the floor and play!!
5. To not eat chocolate everyday!
4. To make it to the gym at least 3 days a week
3. To finish my bible study!
2. To make time for "intimacy":))) I know your all laughing at this one but Jeff's having the "wires" cut soon so no more risks of baby Simpsons:)
1. To keep a journal again!
How about you all....what are your goals for 2010?? I miss comments!!
As for ringing in 2010..it will be Matthew and I again, heading to Grand Rapids to hang out with some good friends and their kids. Jeff has volunteered to hang out back here with "the girls". Christmas decor is nearly down and I am geared up for a great, pregnancy free year:)
Happy New Year!!

Breath of Heaven

I have been thinking alot about that song. Probably because I am obsessed with Amy Grant's Christmas cd!! Anyways, the lyrics have always made me weepy but this year in particular I can't get through it without being reduced to complete mush! The words, which I copied here...
I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load i bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

[chorus:]
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

just get me as I think about those people I know that have lost their chidren. In particular I think of how as Christian moms, they chose their faith to get them through. The words, "but I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan" and think of how Mary had to put all of her trust in God to get through the circumstances leading up to the birth of Christ. But, in light of knowing mothers who have lost children who, in Jaime's case live in constant fear of losing their child, that Mary at the time of Christ's birth had no idea that God's plan also included Him dying a horrific death on the cross.
The words, "Be with me now" also really resonate with me. When Jaime gave her testimony the week of the Thanksgiving, she shared that last year, before she was even pregnant with Sam, she remembers to specifically "feel" God. She then shared that throughout the events of this past year, in all the pain and bad times, she has been so very blessed to truly FEEL God! Cool!
As I read ove this post, I realize its a little scattered..but it was on my mind!
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas blog world!

You really only have God

Basic principle but one I suddenly "Got" while reading Kate McRae's caringbridge page last week. For those readers of my blog who don't know about Kate. She is a little girl who is fighting a nasty brain tumor in Arizona along with her mom and dad and big sister and little brother. Her mom, Holly, made a comment about being thankful and how she has, in the past, always been thankful that her children were healthy. Now, in light of her daughter facing a horrid disease, she realized that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, she is thankful for a God to bring her through anything.
I have been reading Crazy Love as part of our small group study and have to say its impacted me more than any other Christian book I have ever read. I realize that I am more often than not a lukewarm Christian. I don't love God wholeheartedly. I tend to wax and wane and sadly waning is more my style. When I look at my journey, walk and faith over the last ten years, I am sad to say I haven't grown nearly as much as I could. I fear having a crazy love for Christ and know this is because I am so half hearted about my relationship with Him.
My FB status for Thanksgiving day was " I am thankful for my family, children and friends but most importantly for my faith in a God that would sustain me if it all went away tomorrow." I do truly believe this but I also believe that my faith is ill equipped to handle a major crisis. I liken it to a toddler who has had six months of swimming lessons being thrown into the deep end without any swimmies...can anyone say...TROUBLE. I don't want a lukewarm, crappy relationship. I want to love Christ with reckless abandon. I want everyone and anyone to know how much HE means to my life. I want to be so CRAZY in love that people actually say.."Whoa..that girl is CRAZY in love with CHRIST!"
With January upon us..I can't think of a better NEW YEAR'S Resolution..can you?!

Sickies

We have had a massive case of the sickies around here lately. It all began last Wednesday when Caroline started complaning about ear pain. She was running a low grade temp so I took her in and found out she had an ear infection. We got home and literally an hour later she spiked a 104 fever and was really sick. This continued for four days. Then on Friday, Matthew started with the temp and complaining of severe stomach pain. This is still going on. On Sunday night, I started feeling achy and yesterday my cough started. Hopefully, sometime soon,we will on be on the mend! I have been following a caringbridge page about a little girl who has a brain tumor. When I read about the daily struggles and serious pain that little girl is enduring it certainly puts our sufferings into perspective. I can't imagine, as awful as it has been to watch Matthew and Caroline these past few days to have that be your day to day reality, with no end it sight!
Work is going ok. Apparently, alot of the new people have already quit b/c of the way the trainers have been treating them. My boss asked me my opinion and I had to be put in a pretty awkward position. I didn't want to rat anyone out but it was pretty horrible. I can't imagine how it would be if you were a teenager and you had to deal with these girls. As a nearly 35 year old, I don't really care if these girls have an attitude. Hopefully, they will continue to get nicer. I worked with some really nice girls on Sunday.
Next week is Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to trying my hand at my first turkey.

Eye drs,u/s's and braces?

Like my creative titles? Yesterday I took Caroline and Ellie to the opthamologist in Grand Rapids for a check up for Caroline and for Ellie to have a consult because..thats right, you guessed it..she is showing signs of s lazy eye! I took her for her two month apt last week and the ped was asking about her tracking and I mentioned that her right away does turn in. She thought with our family history that it wouldn't be a bad idea to have her checked out. The verdict from the dr was that she is moderately far sighted at this point. He puts children on a scale of one to eight and most newborns are a 2. Ellie is currently a 4. But, she could outgrow this by six months. We will just have to wait and see. Caroline's prescription hasn't changed at all and she is doing good. She was pretty good yesterday and they were able to get her to cooperate more than she has in the past. That girl drives me crazy!! Another issue that presented itself at Ellie's apt was that the ped heard her hip clicking on the right side which could indicate hip dysplasia. So, on Thursday she is having a hip U/S and x ray. If these tests show that she indeed does have this she will have to wear a brace. In light of the fact of knowing babies like Sam, this in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal. But, I have to laugh at the collection of baby medical devices. We have Matthew's helmet, Caroline's glasses and now perhaps hip braces for Ellie. Again, were just thankful these issues aren't really issues at all.
Work is going pretty good. The people who live there are very sweet and gracious. My coworkers are funny, I forgot how petty and sensitive teenagers can be. Oh the drama. I just bus my tables, restock the creamers and keep my nose out of the drama. Been there done that! One of the girls was saying to me how, once I work there for awhile, that I would see how annoying the people are. I can pretty much guarentee that none of those people could even come close to being as annoying as the people I worked with at the State's Atty office in Chicago.
I am working alot in the coming weeks, but I have to say I like the money and paying off the debt!!
Ok..got to go, kids thowing toys at each other..more later

Humble Dave Ramsey Pie

Like the title?:) I will admit I have been thinking about the content of this post since yesterday and have thought of several titles. Some of which included..Damn daycare, damn debt,damn stupid decisions!! But, I thought Humble Dave Ramsey Pie was more creative and less profane:)
I started my job at the retirement home and lets just say I was HORRIBLY mislead as to what I would be doing. I THOUGHT I would be serving meals, chatting with the old folks and ok, yes, I did think I would have to clear dishes. I DID NOT think I would have to mop, sweep, wash dishes, bus, serve..etc I also didn't think I would have to answer to a snotty little 19 year old who chain smokes and swears..but I was wrong. So whats a stay at home mommy who wants to earn some extra cash so her husband dosen't have to work at Jackson Hewitt this tax season but still wants to make money to pay off stupid credit card debt she racked up, along with her husband, when they were young and newly married to do? (By the way,can anyone say run on sentence?) I'll tell you what she is going to do...SUCK IT UP!! Yes, its pretty gross but its only 8-12 hours a week. The hours work so I don't have to put the kids in daycare and it does get me away and lets me have my husband home at nights and on Saturdays. We made stupid financial decisions and so, in a sense, I am reaping what I sowed.
But, the snotty, college educated girl in me is thinking," I am waaayyy too good for this job." The good, rational Christian girl in me says, " No you not...start scrubbing those nasty dishes lady!"
So, I will suck it up and do it..who knows, maybe it will turn out to be the best job ever?! Of course Jeff loves to say to me when I have spent money on something he thinks is frivilous.." That's two hours of dish washing...hope it was worth it!"
Since he is the more financially responsible one of the two of us I just shot him a dirty look!:)
Man...sometimes being a grownup really stinks!!

The autumn leaves drift past my window...

I love fall and I forgot just how much I love it until it comes around every year. I love the smell of pumpkin bread baking in the oven, an apple scented candle a glow filling our house with yummy smells. Meatloaf, stew and chili come back into the dinner rotation, visits to Gull Meadows..those sinful donuts, Halloween and Thanksgiving. Things are fine here in west Michigan. Its been a chilly fall but I can't complain, what would be the use anyways! We have all remained pretty healthy in light of all the illness around us. We're in full throttle of our schedules and the kids seem to be thriving in it all. I did get the part time job at the retirement home and should begin next week. It will be nice to have something for myself and to make some extra money. I have been wanting something like this for awhile and am grateful for the opportunity.
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year as it will be the first one with just our immediate( Jeff,me, Matthew,Caroline and Ellie) family. I decided that I don't want the stress of traveling to Chicago or even going anywhere locally. I really am looking forward to starting our own traditons here in the Simpson household. I think the same will apply for Christmas as far as traveling but we will of course see family here. Sometimes it just nice to hang out at home and not always be rushing and stressing about how the kids will behave elsewhere. Plus, on Christmas its so much fun to just relax and have what Matthew likes to call "Family day" where we stay in our pj's, eat monkey bread for breakfast, play games, watch movies and make forts. With a 4,3 and baby in tow..this holiday season will be filled with wonder and excitment! I can hardly wait!!
We're headed to a Halloween party in a little while. We're trying out a new babysitter from church who has watched the kids before during small group. We need a new sitter as our college girl is expecting a baby in December! It was a spur of the moment decision and seeing as how I loathe dressing up for Halloween, I am wearing my "Fireproof" tee shirt I just got at MOPS this week that says, " My husband rocks" ..I am going as the adoring wife...those of you that know me, know I love getting away with basically not dressing up at all. Last year I went as Jeff's high school girlfriend which meant that I wore his old hockey jersey and his class ring. I like to think people have come to expect lame outfits from me!! There has been a lot of sickness around here and at church so we're skipping tomorrow and having a modified family day! Enjoy your fall!!

Whee...Squeaky's three!

Caroline turned three on Monday! I can't believe its been three years! I remember the day she was born vividly. There was a early "snowstorm" that brought Kalamazoo over five inches of beautiful snow. Caroline has been stronged willed since the moment she came into this world. From a finicky and colicky baby to a fiestly toddler..she can be challenging. But, she is also sweet and endearing and passionate. I hope to help her become and put forth all of her characteristics to live a happy, healthy and productive life and most importingly to know and honor God in all she does. I always say that with her personality, Caroline will either be the fiercest servant the Lord has ever known or the worst influence imaginable...a burden that I don't take lightly in parenting her! She can frustrate me but she more often than not she is my little sweetie who loves "huggies" and her mama. Funny enough..right now she is screaming crying over some trivial incident...again..strong willed dosen't begin to cover it with her...
She is an amazing big sister and I look forward to watching her relationship with Ellie blossom and grow over the years. She loves her big brother Matthew and is his favorite playmate. Being that I was a middle child and now, with the arrival of Ellie, Caroline is too..I have found a special place right in the middle of my heart for her.
In other Simpson news...this weekend Ellie and I are headed to Chicago to meet up with my sister at my parent's for her to take Ellie's birth annoucment pics. Jeff is staying back with the older kids. He is excited not to have infant baby duty at all for two nights. He has been so great about helping me every night from about 10-3am.
Also, I am now employed!! I will be working part time at a retirement home, serving meals to the residents. The hours are good, 3:30-7 two nights a week and one weekend day I will work either 6am-2pm or 3:30-7. Jeff is changing his schedule to be home at 4:30 the nights I work and Jeff's mom has agreed to come and stay with the kids until he gets home. Its minimum wage but it will provide extra income and Jeff won't have to work at Jackson Hewitt this winter, which we both love!! I will get some sanity and we will be paying off more debt!! A win-win for everyone!!

Chugging along

I will say since the arrival of Ellie Bellie...finding time to blog has become rather challenging! But, I will also say that I LOVE having three kids. I feel very complete and that defintely three was the number for us! Ellie is still up alot at night and still I don't care! I love that little baby so much that sometimes I look foward to the four o clock hour to watch " Without at Trace" eat Skittles, and stare at my perfect little miracle. Seriously, sometimes, I just look at her, with tears in my eyes and think " We didn't even know we wanted you!!" That is totally how I feel about her. The best Xmas present I never knew I always wanted!! With every passing day our schedule is getting more into a groove.
Today, I interviewed for a part time job at an assistant living home. It would be only 16 hours a week, with one day a weekend. Basically I would be serving meals to the residents. But, it would provide some extra income to help pay off debt and get me some "me" time. My prayer is that if this if what God wants, he will open the door!
This Monday is Caroline's third birthday! I can hardly believe its been three years since that little girl came into our lives!! We're having a family party on Sunday and going to Gull Meadows on Monday for her actual birthday.
Well, the sleeping on four hours a night is hitting me...so I am off to bed! Happy weekend!

A five person family

Well were settling into our new world of having three children! Somedays it seems pretty easy others not so much. I have to say that overall its not been too bad. I really think the transition from one to two in less than 2 years was much more difficult for me. Also, besides being somewhat of a night owl, little Ellie is quite a laid back, easy baby so far. Matthew and Caroline continue to adjust to their new life. At this point Caroline seems to be handling it the best, while Matthew seems to struggle somedays. He seems to be king of negative attention!! Even with lots of special alone time with mommy, daddy, grandma, aunts and cousins...its been tough. I still really struggle at how to best parent that little guy. He knows so well how to get my goat, so to speak...and it can be extremly frustrating and make for some really long days. School has started and other extra curricular activitites, soccer for Matthew and dance for Caroline, which has been fun for the kids.
Ellie has had her first medical issue. As you all know, Caroline's nickname of "Squeaky" came about when she was a newborn and was always squeaking. Well, Ellie is even more squeaky and sometimes seems like its laborious. I took her to the ped and she referred us to the ENT for further testing. There are a couple of different things it could be, hopefully nothing too serious.
Well, with the basement trashed, the sink full of dishes and a baby girl that needs to be fed..this mommy better get going! Happy Fall!

Elizabeth Jane has arrived!

Well, God must have heard my prayers about wanting to have our little girl early b/c she arrived nearly three weeks early. Last Wednesday I went in for my regular apt, I had noticed the baby moving a little less than normal but I can honestly say I wasn't alarmed. He checked my amniotic fluid,which was fine and then sent me for a NST. After almost an hour on the NST, he came in and said that he wasn't happy with her heartbeat ranges. It seems she wasn't having acclerations, even though at this point her movement was back to normal. He sent me over to Labor and Delivery. I still wasnt't thinking today was the day. I called Jeff's mom and made sure she could stay with the kids. I also called my mom, who immediately went into panic mode.
After more monitoring and a u/s it was determined that she wasn't quite as happy as we would all would have liked in utero and that today would be her birthday. I can honestly say that I was never scared. I figured if they were really worried..they would take her and they did. It did seem really sureal...like it wasn't my life. It kinda stunk to not have any of my things..like a camera with me but what are you going to do?!
When they first took her out, I saw what a little peanut she was. She didn't cry as vigorously as Matthew and Caroline did, which freaked me out. But, they reassured me that she was fine. When they brought her over to me, she was just still and quite and looked like a little doll..she has the tiniest face I have ever seen! She is mellow so far..never cries. Just squeaks a little when she needs to be fed or have her diaper changed. The kids have taken to her quite nicely. Caroline really could care less but occasionally comes over and wants to hold her. The way she says "Ellie" is super cute too! Matthew loves her deeply but definetly is testing us when it comes to his behavior. He has been super naughty which has been trying. Thankfully Barb took him for the past two days to give him some one on one time. I am really trying to just remain merciful and patient with him and reassuring that we still love him even though there is a new baby in town!
I have to say that I am so in love with our little Ellie. She is so precious and with all that Sam and Jaime are enduring it makes it very hard not to just hold and love on our blessing 24-7. I find myself so overcome with thankfulness and joy at being privledged to be my children's mother. Not to say that I don't have moments where I am overwhelmed but I can honestly say that I feel better than I have in months right now. I am just thankful. Life is so very precious and nothing puts that into greater perspective than a tiny newborn.
My mom comes back next week to help out and Matthew begins school so we should be on our new schedule sooner than later. Right now,I am just holding and feeding and playing and book reading..enjoying the moment!