May 1st

I was at the doctors today. Heard the little heartbeat...150 and got my u/s date. May 1st we will be finding out what the baby is. I met with the midwife, even though I am a scheduled c sec, I have met with the midwife twice now. She is so nice and understanding. We spent alot of time talking today about my neurotic self and she made me feel completly normal..just what you want in a medical professional! The baby is sitting really high which surprised me but I have felt alot of moment and higher up which explains it! I am still conflicted on what this baby is. Somedays I am sure its a boy, others sure its a girl. Only time will tell!

Caroline has been horribly sick with a version of rotovirus. She has had diahrea ( I can never spell this word;) for over ten days now...uggh! I think finally, today she is better! Poor little girl has been in so much pain, her little behind is just raw. Last night she took her diaper off twice and was screaming "Ooowee, owee, mommy huggie" Just about broke my heart. But, she won't let me put cream on her so it takes Jeff holding her down and me putting on the cream to accomplish that mission. I was sick yesterdaywith a fever, chills and a sore throat. I feel much better today thankfully!

Easter weekend should be filled with fun. Jeff's sister Jenny is coming to town and so we will be there on Sat. Sunday is church and our church's first annual Easter egg hunt. Afterwards we're going to Barb's for dinner. My mom is back from FL and coming up next week to help me prepare for next weekend's garage sale!

Happy Easter!
S

My vain imagination

Last night I was so gripped with fear over this new little one growing inside that I was wishing I could take a Zanax!:( I have been much better about this lately b/c of the Esther Bible study that I just concluded by Beth Moore. One thing that she said that will stick with me for evermore was that God's grace isn't intended for our vain imagination. Just because I can work up every horrifying scenario in my brain dosen't mean that qualifies me for grace and peace through Christ. In fact, I would reckon to say that it downright angers God when we lack trust in Him and His plan. I will admit thinking about that make the anxiety all the worse. I just keep praying through it by repeating the words.."VAIN IMAGINATION" over and over. The anxiety passed and I could almost swear that I could hear God sighing thinking " This women is driving me crazy!":)
Short and sweet but on my mind...

To know..

Ok Bloggers. You have spoken and I am listening. Whenever our u/s is we will be finding out the sex of the baby:)
In other news, yesterday was my 34th birthday. I had a very nice day that started with MOPS and then Barb came over so I could go get a pedicure and do some maternity clothes shopping. When I got home from the mall, Matthew was acting really weird and saying his throat and stomach hurt. Barb said he didn't eat much while she was there which immediately alarmed me b/c he eats like a little piggie all afternoon usually. Sure enough, about ten minutes after she left poor little dude puked all over the bathroom and partially on me:( Thankfully, Jeff let me go ahead and continue with my plans to meet several girlfriends out for dinner. It was a wonderful night with great friends. Matthew did get sick one more time but that was it. He woke up this morning completly normal and full of energy! Thank goodness! I am not feeling well at all and have gotten sick a few times myself today. I think it might be a combo of flu bug/pregnant bug. Hopefully Jeff and Caroline will escape it.
On a more serious note. I have mentioned the McMama Blog here before. Please go there if you never have www.mycharmingkids.net and pray for little Stellan and get some amazing insights on the power of prayer and God's grace in difficult times.
Later!
S

To know or not to know...that is the question bloggers!

We have a little under a month until we could determine the sex of said Simpson baby to be:) I have never been one of those people who wanted to wait till the end to find out..I mean its a surprise in April or its a surprise in September. But, I have had random changes of heart as of late. I mean, we have one of each and got rid of all of our baby clothes anyways. Its not like we're going to be going out and buying a ton of clothes no matter what. Remember people we're in a recession:)!!
Truly, all I care about on the date of our u/s is that little baby is healthy and happy and doing all he or she should be at 20 weeks. Which "parts" it comes with really doesn't matter because this baby is sleeping in Caroline's pink room no matter what for awhile at least! Actually, it will sleep in our room for at least three months before we have Matthew, our dead to the world sleeper share a room with baby bro or sis.
So, I am potentially leaving it up to you, fellow bloggers, let your voice be heard!

No more naps...sigh!

Caroline is becoming more and more of a official big girl. Her language is really picking up and she isn't really napping consistently anymore. This stinks but its all ok when she lays her weary little girly head down on her toddler bed at 6:30 every evening to sleep. When she naps she is up WAY TOO LATE. We are talking 11-11:30p.m. and you can still hear her running around, taking off her diaper, etc:) The other night we found her completly naked wrapped in her blankies like she was thinking,"I prefer to sleep au natural!" It was cute! I should have snapped a pic!
She is obsessed with Dora and would literally watch her all day if I let her.
She is a bug and a pistol but so darn cute that I just want to eat her all up!

S

A little dab will (sometimes) do you!

The past two days have been tough in the parenting world of Susan Simpson. I won't go into every hairy detail but some of my week included the following:
- falling down half a flight of stairs while holding Caroline. Thankfully neither of us sustained major damage but I did manage to badly cut and bruise my ankle and leg.
- Caroline running into the parking lot and almost making it to a major street b4 being saved my the manager at the resturant we were eating at. If you were wondering where I was, I was trying to console an hysterical almost four year old and failed to see her dodge past me!
- Many, many meltdowns!
Too many of my nights ended we me feeling very much alone and crying. I am in a valley of sorts. Our Pastor spoke of these very such things last Sunday and while I listened I thought of people in my life who I feel are "justified" to call themselves valley dwellers. But, as I tried to wrangle my screaming 2 and almost 4 year old from the park yesterday I thought, " No, this sucks, this certainly ain't no frickin mountain top, this is a crappy, crappy valley!" We were with Jaime and her girls and you could just see it on her face that she was thinking " Sucks to be you." (Of course this was in a nice, well meaning sort of way:) She called me later to see if I was ok and I said that I realized some things. I need to DAILY go to GOD and seek HIS will and WISDOM and STRENGTH for my life. To not just throw my arms up in defeat and think " This is as good as it gets." I got my MOPS monthly magazine the other day and there was an article that so directly spoke to my heart that I cut it out and it nows hangs on my fridge. The women who wrote the article could most definetly have been me ten years ago and she made four points that I feel are so very, very true. They are the following:
My children were created for a specific reason and are a gift to me.
We're on a good journey despite our ups and downs.
God will use these difficulties for His good and wise purposes!
I can be OK, even when my children are not!This last one especially hit close to home. They are 4 and 2...I am dangerously close to 34...so acting like I am 4 or 2...not cool!
So, I just have to go to God, be grateful for all I have and all that isn't in my valley and keep on keeping on.
And now for the title of my post! After Jeff got home and we fed the kids, I left to "let off some steam". I was planning on going directly to Barnes and Nobles to get a nice cup of tea ( since I can't have a much needed glass of wine). But as I drove there I caught a glimpse of my tear streaked,pastie white face and pulled into Kohl's instead. I first went to the maternity section and let me just digress and say how much I hate shopping for maternity clothes...they are so UGLY! Anyways, after a few minutes of trying on horribly unflattering shirts and pants, I b-lined to to the makeup section. Where to my great joy discovered Kohl's has a ton of free samples to try! So, I proceeded to completly redo my makeup, while the lady who worked the section looked at me with a stare that seemed to say, " Not the point lady, your suppose to buy stuff!" To which I shot back an equally terrifying look that hopefully said, " Don't mess with me lady, I am a pregnant mom on the edge here!" As I walked out, I even topped it all of with a few squirts of cheap Ashley Judd perfume. I took my freshly coifed, cheap smelling self to Barnes and Nobles and ordered my hot tea and a cookie to boot. I gathered a slew of magazines and along with my Bible and Esther bible study sat down to two hours of pure bliss. Just me, my IPOD, tea and reading matl's.
The point in all of this to me is a little dab of makeup may do you but a little dab of time with GOD and his word most certainly will NOT!
Thanks for listening!
On a really positive note, I saw the bambino on u/s today and it has arms and legs now!! Its looking more and more like a real baby! I just know this one is going to be my quiet, calm child...one can always hope!:)
Have a fantastic weekend!

Ray LaMontagne

I have been listening to this musician alot lately and LOVE him! I discovered him about three years ago and really have never heard a song of his I don't love. I especially love "Let it be me" and "You are the best thing"
I recommend downloading immediately:)
Happy listening!

Free to be you and me..

Remember that song?! Today, I met Jaime and the girls at McDonald's for lunch. Its kinda of becoming a regular thing for us. Its rare moments where we have the kids but the mix of french fries and a germ laden playland keep them mostly occupied for the most part so we can just talk. And it usually it goes to "theology" and baby Sam. Even before these events happened to Jaime, I found in her a kindered spirit of being able to be very "real" about how I think about faith and loss and fear. She said to me a few weeks ago that its nice to be able to talk to me b/c I am morbid. Some may take that as a negative but I know she meant it more as a compliment. I think she feels like she can disclose more of what she is thinking about all of this and not feeling like she has to "sugar" coat or "faith" coat anything. She can just say what she is thinking. Today we were debating Old Testament God with New Testament
" Christ" :) We like New Testament God way more..mercy!!
I like that since finding out about Sam that I can still be myself with Jaime. Our friendship hasn't changed. I can be me and she can be her! I love how God brings fabulous people into my life!
Hope you all have someone that you can be free with!
S

Samuel Ekkens

Jaime and Steve have chosen a name for their upcoming arrival, Samuel! I love this name and am happy to be able to call him by name in my prayers. They have set up a caring bridge page for little Sam. Please visit and pray for them! Here is the link

Dear Friends and Family,
I created a CaringBridge site to keep you up to date on Samuel Ekkens. CaringBridge is a nonprofit organization that helps friends and families stay connected.
You can visit Samuel's CaringBridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/samuelekkens

We're keeping busy around here. Busy week of MOPS, its spa day..fabulous and I have a massage scheduled tommorrow that is offered for free for pregnant moms!! Love it! Two days of pampering! I have a prayer request for myself and the kids, I am really trying to NOT scream at them. It was getting better but I had a wake up call this weekend about being more merciful and loving in my parenting and really want to get this under control. So please specifically pray that I would work ON NOT SCREAMING when I have asked for the 100th time that Matthew not body slam his sister from the arm of the couch:)Ahh parenting!
S

If ________ then________!

I am doing the most recent Beth Moore study on Esther at Southridge Church. I will fully admit that with all the yucky, nauseousness, I have been really bad about getting there on Monday nights and have been even worse about completing my homework. But, last night, as I lay on the couch after yet another bout of dry heaving, I thought to myself, "Just cancel Barb and stay home" Jeff was working late and so barb was coming over to stay with the kids. Then I thought, " But, if I stay home I have to put the kids to bed, at least I can just sit and maybe learn something, just go" Nice mommy huh? So, I went and once again Beth and the HS powerfully spoke to me.
Last night's discussion was on FEAR and how it can ruin our walks and how the devil loves to use FEAR to bring us away from TRUSTING in our FAITH and the LORD. One profound thing Beth said that will forever stick with me is if ______ happened, meaning the worst thing you could imagine then what happens? Beth disclosed that one of her greatest fears is her husband falling in love with someone else and leaving her. She said she has really worked through this with God over the last 14 months and felt like when she would be fearing this God would say, then what? To which she listed off several reactions that would take place if indeed her husband left her b/c he fell in love with someone else. By the way, I couldn't imagine that being a fear for her! Why would anyone leave that godly women, just goes to show us how we're all human I guess. Anyways, she finished the sentence by saying, " If my husband left me, then my God would still be FAITHFUL, he would still be the SAME GOD! What a simple yet such a freeing statement. Because its so wonderfully true.
My blanks would be If one of my children died, then GOD WOULD STILL BE GOD! and He would carry me through it. I have seen this carried out in many of the women's lives I am privledged to know. I know that statement is true for Shelly and Jaime and JoEllen and in the lives of other's people's lives I read about. It just didn't seem to apply to me. Now, I am not saying that I welcome those things happening but at the end of the day FEARING them will no longer rule my life or my FAITH. I am sure some of you out there may be thinking," DUH!" But it was a profound moment for me. I nearly cried at the joy of not having to fear. Of knowing no matter what if, God will never leave me.

Insurance prayers

Jaime and Steve went to Ann Arbor yesterday to get a consult with the specialists there. It seems that Priority Health would cover that part of it but is leaning toward not allowing them to go there once the baby is born. After going there, Jaime is certain this is where the baby needs to be in order for the best possible chance of survivial and quality of life. They faced some pretty grim and hard realities yesterday. It was so hard to hear her talk about all of this and not be able to "fix" anything or really say anything that seemed helpful. I know all she really needs is to be able to talk and be heard and I am glad to be able to do that.
Please pray that PH would cover U of M for them. Tell everyone you know that prays to pray...

My best poker face

As I lay awake last night praying for Jaime, the title of the this post came to me. Why was I awake in the midst of the night praying for my dear friend..b/c I found out last night that her insurance has denied them going to Ann Arbor. Its so frustrating and unfair. My heart literally felt like it was going to break for her last night. She is so overwhelmed and feeling like she isn't being able to give her baby the best possible medical care. But, then I felt like God was saying, " What if Ann Arbor isn't where I want this baby to be?" I found some comfort in this thought. That perhaps, the hospital where he will go is really where God wants him to be. That God has it all figured out and we should just pray that God's will be done.
Then I thought of my own little baby and all the anxiety that goes with wondering if everything will be ok and thought.." Don't give me anything difficult God, I don't want to grow through something like that..I might not keep the faith, so don't test me." Then I thought, " You stupid, stupid girl, you can't bargain with God, what will be will be." Don't you all wish you were sleeping next to me?:)
So, the poker face thought comes from me thinking I can not exactly let God what I am thinking. Like he doesn't know my every thought, desire, fear..etc
I remember when Josh Buck spoke at our church awhile ago about all he and his family have endured he said something that has stuck with me deeper than anything I have ever heard...He said, " God is more interested in you becoming more like Him than he is in you being happy here on this earth." Wow...pretty powerful words. And, truthfully, is exactly why believing in God scares the crap out of me. I totally admit to wanting the easy, happy, road really traveled. God, well his dosen't seem to be too fond of that way of life.
Not sure why I am posting all of this..probably b/c my friend's baby is gravely sick and his future is unknown, I hurt for her and worry that something equally crappy could one day happen to me. Maybe, just a guess..

Zofran,,my new best friend

So I have posted about how the nausea and vomiting of this pregnancy is really getting to me. I spent most of the weekend sleeping in bed. It was not fun! You know that feeling you have when you have the stomach flu and your just about to puke and that rush of salivia pours into your mouth as you run into the bathroom? That is me..24-7. I called on Friday afternoon and they told me to come in today for a B6 shot. Then, this weekend I had another bout of mild spotting so I called this morning and they switched the apt to a midwife apt to check out the spotting. I did get the B6 shot which hurt like a mother and they also did another ultrasound to check out beanie baby who is still doing wonderfully. This time it was in the real u/s room with the "big" machine. You could see the little arm and leg buds...really cool. Beanie's heartrate was 169 which is good. Not that I was too worried, for real this time:), afterall isn't puking your guts out a sign of a healthy pregnancy for goodness sake. Apparently my body just likes to shed some blood in early pregnancy.
They also gave me Zofran which is what they give cancer patients undergoing chemo and radiation and boy does it work! I feel better right now then I have in two weeks!
Some prayer requests for Jaime and her situation
They are running into some insurance issues with having to go to Ann Arbor, pray that they would be resolved...this is huge in terms of costs!
They are scheduled to go to Ann Arbor this Friday to see the specialists. Pray for miraculous good news. We know our God can do anything in this baby's life!
Pray for peace as it all gets more and more real to them!
S

one tiny heartbeat

Is what we saw on Wednesday afternoon at the doctor's office. I was very happy and so was the daddy to be! I would have been surprised had we not seen one b/c I have been so sick. We're talking lay on the couch feel like I have the flu, sleep all day, dry heave when I am not..sick. Its been horrible. I am on phenegran every six hours which helps some but makes me so tired. Its been a tough week. I am feeling pretty discouraged but then I remember that this will all be worth it when we hold that little bundle in September. I also try and remind myself that there are so many people out there who would die to have one child and to be able to get pregnant so easily. But, then sometimes the sarcastic part of my mind thinks.."Oh yah..take my fertile myrtleness!" Just kidding.
This weekend should be moderatly survivable. Jeff came home early today and I was able to rest in our room for a couple hours without kids. Later tonight we're watching "Fireproof" b/c we're starting that bible study on Sunday night. Tommorrow Jeff has to work ALL day! Then when he comes home I am meeting some girls from church for dinner. Sunday we have the regular church and small group.
That is about all..I think I might toss my cookies! Hope your all better than me!
S

Pukey

That is how I feel. I felt fine until today and then I woke up and felt "Yuck!" Thankfully it comes and goes and isn't all day like my pregnancy with Matthew. Now, I may be counting my chickens a little too early, tommorrow it could be pukesville all day. Lets hope not! Since I have had gastric bypass surgery, eating isn't an option...its a necessity for this little bean to grow big and strong.
I went in to the OB yesterday with some light, almost miniscule spotting, they did an ultrasound and said not to expect to see a heartbeat just yet. I didn't get to see a heartbeat but there was a sac and a little yolk sac. I have a regular u/s scheduled for next Weds and there should be one by then. The doctor said everything looks great. I would have felt a wee more convinced had we seen that little flicker, but I figure if the medical professional isn't worrying, why should I? Your all probably thinking, "LIAR!!" " Your totally worrying" In all honestly, not, feeling pukey is oddly reassuring!:)
The kids have been really great lately, much more mellow and fun. We went to a waterpark in Frankenmuth last Friday and had a BLAST! It was just me and the kids with my girlfriend and her family. It was probably one of the most satisfactory days I have had as a mom. It was totally one of the situations that could have been a disaster but happily it was smooth sailing. This week is fairly busy with MOPS, a field trip for Matthew to a gymnastics center and a girls night this Saturday.
Please keep little beanie in your prayers that soon he/she will have a heartbeat to show this expectant and ok, somewhat anxious mommy!:)

Praise God!

I just to Jaime and she got the results from the amino and the baby doesn't have one of the Trisonomies that cause babies to die within hours of their births. What a praise! Now, they begin the journey to Ann Arbor and meeting with the specialists to find out what happens to this little man,yet to be named once he arrives. I am so thankful that this news was delivered. I am praying for a miracle, that God would heal this little baby and he would be able to tell everyone what His God did for him! I am praying that Jaime and Steve and their little ones Makenna and Avery would feel peace and strength from their God over these next months.
Matthew overheard me talking to a friend who called to see if Jaime had heard anything yet and he came up and said,
"Mama..Jaime's baby has a sick heart."
"We need to pray that God will heal him"
" God can heal him and make his heart whole."
Amen little man!

Freak in overdrive

That would pretty much describe me! God must just laugh at me as he watches from above. A week ago I was saying to Jeff.." I am so glad I am not pregnant. I couldn't take all that stress of worrying about it all again!" " I am so glad we're done...phew" Fast forward a week and here I am in the throws of full throttle anxiety. Please pray that I would just chill and realize that this is indeed one of those situations where I have NO control. Worrying for the next nine months is senseless..my mind knows this but my heart already loves this baby very much and wishes it were September 10th and that part was over. Of course then I would be blogging about how I am obessesing over worrying that something will happen to him or her b/c they are out...

and the madness continues!

NOT ME THURSDAY

OK, so its suppose to be not me Mondays..but this was to good to wait...

I most definetly did not take a pregnancy test and it came back positive!
I can't be having a baby in September...
or can I ??

Yes, its true, anyone who knows me knows I can't keep a secret.
In all seriousness..we're happy but completly shocked and feeling ill equipped to handle another bundle. But, we know God never gives us more thatn we can handle..right!!:) Please pray that this little bundle is being perfectly knit together and that in September we would happily welcome another Simpson into the world!

Bet I shocked the stink out of most of you..huh!

S

Loving Caroline

I have blogged numerous times before on the challenges of Caroline's personality. She is strong willed and determined to say the least. But, I have come in these past few weeks to embrace her little personality in a new way. To try and look at the challenging moments more like teaching moments instead of either a)giving her what she wants or b) freaking out on her! Both Jeff and I have come to realize that if you can make it through fifteen minutes of unadulterated screaming,she usually gives up. Now this is USUALLY, she has been known to go on for up to 45 minutes.
Yesterday she had a ped opthomology apt in GR. She was being fairly strong willed with the doctor and he just laughed and sympathized b/c evidently his 8 year old daughter was just like Caroline as a toddler. He then proceeded to tell me of a study that found that strong willed children are less likely to be influenced by peer pressure. I pray that is the case with little Squeak, as she is affectionately known. That has been my prayer for her for sometime, as her stubborness has become more evident to us. That she will use it for good, to stand for what is right and be a shining example to her peers instead of leading the pack into bad choices. I always pray that she would be surrounded by great friends who hold her accountable when we're not there to do that as much anymore. To be honest, thinking about my kids growing up to that age where they are on thier "own" so to speak freaks me out. Sure, this season has it challenges but at the end of the day, I know where they have been, what they've watched, who they have hung out with and that they are safely sleeping in my home.
I am not sure where this post came from. I guess, its because although raising Caroline isn't so easy, with all her requests for "guggies" and to watch "Chanted" aka "Enchanted" and her contagious belly laugh, loving Caroline is one of the easiest things I have ever been lucky enough to do!

Prayers please

I have another post brewing,as my computer is now fixed..but I have an urgent prayer request for you all. My neighbor and good friend Jaime is 20 weeks pregnant with a little boy who they found out this week only has 1/2 of his heart. They think he doesn't have any other chromosome issues but won't know anymore until the have an amnio in a few weeks. Jaime and her husband Steve are strong Christians,but obviously they are devastated and overwhelmed. Pray that they would have peace and doctors and other medical professionals who can guide them through this scary road!
Tough stuff!
S