Blessings and Deals

This week my family has been incredibly blessed by a friend of ours from our church. I have known Nicole and her husband,Kevin for five years now. Through our friendship I became aware that Nicole had a business called, ACE OF SPACES. The following is taken directly from her ACE of SPACES website,"When simplicity intersects a woman's life it should effect her home, her beauty, and her fashion. As we shrug of the "before" and live out the "after" we liberate those around us to do the same. A congruent woman can boldly reflect this simplicity to a very cluttered world and share it intimately with those she brings near."
This past week together with Kevin and Nicole we worked to transition our home from one that to me represented chaos,anxiety and was severely underutilized. But before we get to the process of transitioning our home I want to explain how this all came to be.

When I knew that I would be starting the full time MSW program this fall I decided that something had to be done with our office space. It wasn't functional at all. Worse than that, I hated being in our basement. Toys were everywhere, the unfinished side was seriously beginning to look like something out of "Hoarders". Boxes were everywhere. Nothing had a home. There were countless times that we couldn't find things we needed like for instance, the hardware to Ellie's crib! There were so many nights when I would lay in bed stressing about how overwhelming it was to tackle it all!! So I told Jeff that I wanted to hire Nicole to transform our office and basement playroom. She came over and we talked about what I wanted for the space. Then Nicole suggested that we look at the upstairs too. She had great ideas for that space as well. We hatched a plan to tackle it all. I think, and I have disclosed this to Nicole, that she was itching to get her hands on my house because she had a vision of what it could be:) I was so excited, until later that night, when fear crept in and the "What ifs" What if I didn't like it? What if was going to cost too much to buy the things needed to make the transition? What if I couldn't get it all done? I called Nicole the next morning and told her I thought we should just tackle the basement space and maybe do the rest of the upstairs later. She said ok but I will admit I felt like it wasn't the right decision. I was praying about the experience and very much felt like God was saying,
" Do the whole house." Well, apparently He was because the next day I got an email from Nicole basically telling me that is what she was feeling led to do. We decided to go ahead and tackle the entire basement and our first floor.
The process...
Nicole came over and we began the session praying that God would bless our partnership and this entire process, that He would be a part of it all. BOY WAS HE! I have so many stories about the moments that we could see God working in this. The timing was one thing. We had our regular trip to Silver Lake with Jeff's family already planned. But with the summer class I am taking, I wasn't able to go all week which left the perfect opening for time with just Ellie to care for. An added blessing was that my mom was able to come for most of the week to help take care of her while we worked. We also found the most perfect roll top desk in great shape for a mire $60.
Nicole and her sweet daughter Havilah came over the week before we left and took all the wallpaper off the wall in our old dining room. I will admit that the week before the work was to begin I was stressed. My house seemed to be at it's messiest. There was crap literally everywhere. To make matters worse,I was trying to pack Jeff and the big kids to go to Silver Lake for the week so it doubled the messiness. Finally the day of work arrived. Kevin came at 2p.m. and we were still trying to load our cars. He began to paint and just oozed of peacefulness. It was calming to watch him work. We finally were on our way and left the Aces to their Spaces! I can't even begin express the shock and awe I felt when I received photos send via cell phone only 8 hours later! In that little amount of time they had painted and moved ALL OF THE FURNITURE in my house and put all the crap and clutter in the garage. I immediately loved the results but had no idea how much I truly would embrace it all once I arrived home.
I ended up coming home early because Ellie came down with pneumonia(which is an entirely other post!) and so the work of sorting began on Tuesday morning. It was a long process, even though it only took four days! We're talking about going through your stuff, all day long. Hauling crap to the garage, making decisions, etc. But,it was by far the most worthwhile four days of hard work I have ever endured. I realized and I know this sounds kind of silly,that my house is my home. Up until this week, I truly felt like it was just a house. It kept us dry, it costs us money, its where we lay our weary heads each night but real memory making, peacefulness and happy times were sadly few and far between here. This place stressed me out!! I always had chores looming and it never seemed like there was ever going to be enough time or will from either Jeff or me to accomplish all that lay before us.
I truly believe that God used Nicole to show me that even when I don't hold up my end of the bargain in regards to being in relationship with Him,HE ALWAYS DOES. He heard my cries (some figurative and some literal!) to have a more peaceful life. He does know that most days I feel like I am barely going to make it. He chose to bless me even though I fall horridly short nearly every single time. How is that for a big ol' GRACE pie in the face?! Several times over the last month I have been brought to tears over what Nicole and Kevin have blessed me with. I really feel like I have been given a new lease on how to do this thing called mothering and daughtering and wifering:) Ha! I know these aren't words but you get the gist. I feel like a new women. I have so many emotional burdens lifted through this physical transformation that has taken place.
Finally, I leave you with some wisdom gained from a fellow MSW classmate of mine. We had to participate in several mock counseling sessions this week. During one of mine, I disclosed to my "counselor" that I felt uncomfortable with so many blessings being showered upon me. Like I wrote earlier, I didn't feel worthy. My classmate said simply, "Why are you trying to turn a blessing into a deal." "It sounds like God has put this women in your life to bless you. Be careful not to turn a blessing from God into a deal."
Amen,brother,amen...

God is with us...

Disclaimer: I started this post yesterday but finished it today!
Today in west Michigan all holy hell broke loose around 10:45a.m. I had just finished working out at the gym. My kids and Jaime's two were there too. When we were leaving, and on our way to Hardings when Matthew asked if Avery,Jaime's 8 year old, could come along. I agreed and off we went. Not five minutes into our shopping extravaganza/donut finding expedition the rain started and the wind. Soon after came horrid crashes, bright bolts of lightening. Following that came power lines falling,trees being uprooted, transformers blowing up. Of course we didn't know all heck was breaking loose around us. We all sat quietly in the back break room of our neighborhood Hardings. The kids munching cheap cookies and coloring and me freaking out b/c I couldn't get through to Jaime on the cell phone I borrowed from a fellow storm shelter seeker. I knew that she would be worried that Avery was freaking out b/c well, she tends to do so in these types of situations. The thing is, she was cool as a cucumber. Not one worried look,no questions about if she was in danger. She was downright peaceful. Someone asked the kids, "Are you guys scared." Avery looked up from her picture and said, "No,why would we be scared? God is with us?" I saw several of the adults look at her with thoughtful smiles. I nearly cried. I have known this little gal for four years and that message sums it all up. She has learned through her trials with having a brother with half a heart and all that entails That really at the end of the day, on the stormiest of days,that God is ALWAYS with US! The peace she had in that cramped,stuffy room in the back of Hardings could only come from God. I was so proud to know such a sweet and faithful girl and could hardly wait to get back home and tell her mom what a wonderful example she had been. How brave she was!! Two days later and I am still choking up about it!!
We made it home and on the way we saw all the damage that occured in our neighborhood. I was glad that we made it home safetly. That God was indeed with us and shone through His precious child in the stuffy break room of a grocery store!

Other people's lives..

This week I have been thinking a lot about just that, other people's lives. I am sure there is a better way of saying what I am thinking but I am at a loss for what it is. The reason I have been thinking about it all has to do with a lovely girl with whom I bank with. We have been banking at our bank for over six years. We set up accounts there when we moved to Portage because that is where our mortgage is. At first this bank irritated the crap out of me because you have to GO IN to make a deposit, get cash, etc. For an inherently lazy person such as myself this was a pain. I much prefer the drive up and stick your stuff in the sucky up thingy(yes, that is the technical term):) In the midst of my several trips in and out I have become quite attached to the one banker that handles most of my transactions. We were both pregnant at the same time, me with Ellie and L with her first. Oh yeah,I am calling her L for privacy sake. I feel like we're friends but really its more of a business acquaintance relationship. A few months ago I found out that her husband who is only in his early 30's has ALS( Lou Gehrig's disease). A devastating neurological condition in which you slowly lose all of your capabilities and end up dying. I am sure you have all heard of it but if not, google it. But I forewarn you that its a devastating diagnosis at any age. Add in a young wife and one year old( which is how old their daughter was at the time) and you have perhaps one of the saddest set of circumstances possible.
When I found out about it I was unsure of how to act. Should I tell her that I knew. Should I apologize for all the stupid things I KNOW I have said over the last year like, "So when are you going to have another kid?!" Should I simply say nothing. The first few times I saw her I didn't say anything. I know from being close with Jaime that sometimes its nice to not be the one that everyone is looking at with pity. Maybe she would prefer our conversations to remain carefree and mundane not deep and filled with the horrific realities of her life. Then a part of me felt bad ignoring it because I knew from other circles in which our lives were entwined that she would realize that I did know after all, that I would say something. So the other day I said that I did indeed know about the ALS and that I was sorry. We joked about the fact that I have offered her help in the past with daycare situations and how that is when I didn't even know that she might really need it so I must have really meant it when I offered:)! She shared that its when her husband has fallen down the stairs and her daughter is crying that she really wants to call all of the well meaning people and be like, " Yeah, you..get over her, this sucks!"
When I left there I cried like I haven't in months. Literally sobbed in the parking lot of the bank. My heart broke for this dear family. Later I came home and happen to click on a blog of another acquaintance of mine whose son has several medical issues. I was shocked to read of several severe issues he had endured over the last month. When I went to check my email I saw an update from Kate Mcrae's family about the last two years they have spent battling the beastly brain tumor that has attempted to ravage and steal their daughter from them.
But then I see our dear, sweet Sammy boy next door. Who successfully came through his third surgery. I know that he doesn't have to see his cardiologist for two whole months(the longest he's ever gone) because he is doing so well. I know through all these situations that GOD is THERE. He is the great sustainer. His GRACE sees us through it all and is SUFFICENT for EVERY NEED.
It just seems so surreal to me that there can be so much suffering and we don't even glimpse any of it. We get comfortable in our own little bubbles and worlds and troubles and sometimes we just want to stay there because knowing of all the hurt and sorrow can be too much to handle if we don't really have to.
I hope my heart never gets there. I want to be able to always pray, offer help, make a meal,hell..even tell a joke and give that person in need one minute of reprieve from the harsh realities they face each day.
As I re-read this I am not sure what motivated me to write this. Maybe its because the emotions that I felt after leaving the bank were so raw and profound. Maybe its because I feel guilty for having such a blessed life. Maybe I just felt like typing.
This weekend is Fourth of July. I pray that we're all able to enjoy our families, our freedoms, whether that be having the ability to live freely or have a body that allows us to run and play with our kids in any manner we choose. To stay safe and just cherish each other.

Goodbye Summer

So I thought I was starting class in September. Turns out its really going to be June 30th...crap! Long story short, I had to drop a class from my Fall schedule in order to accomodate my internship schedule.I am super excited about my internship. I will be working at Borgess Hospital on the neuro rehab floor. But the class I had to drop is a prerequisite for other classes so I need to take it now. I am a little bummed about this since I thought I had a few more months to wrap my head around this whole grad school idea but I am excited to get started. The class is titled, "Social Work for families, individuals and groups." I bought the book for the class on Friday and have been looking through it, very interesting stuff. Jeff thinks I am crazy! Another good thing is the class is on Tuesday and Thursday nights so I don't have to figure out childcare for the kiddos!
In other Simpson news, Summer is in full swing for the kids. They had one week of swimming lessons so far. This week they all go to their respective "places" while Jeff and I head to Vermont for a friend's wedding. They are all excited and SO.ARE.WE! I can't wait to see what Vermont is like and to get away with my honey bunny for a few days of kid free fun. When we return my class will start and we have other trips planned. In July we're meeting my famly including my brother and his family from Alabama that we never see, at a waterpark in Wisconsin. We're also making our annual trek up to Silver Lake for our vacation with Jeff's family. Because of my class, Ellie and I will only be going for a few days. I am hoping to take advantage of the other days to get my house ready for the craziness that Fall will bring.
Matthew has been sick with pneumonia all week. Even with being treated with antibiodics, he is still running a low grade fever. We need to get this cleared upo before we all leave on Wednesday!
Hope everyone out there is enjoying Summer!

Summer time training...

So I have decided to run a 5K. What's that you say? You have heard this before from me?! I know, I know. I will admit that I have stated, in the past,that I was going to do it. But before you call me a BIG, FAT, LIAR..hear me out. The last time I tried to train was about six months after Ellie was born. I hadn't been working out at all and just started running. NO surprise there that it didn't go as swimmingly, or should I say runningly as I had hoped. Fast forward eighteen months. This past December I decided that enough was enough with this whole working out business. I committed to joining a gym and getting my bootie there. I am happy to report that I have actually stuck something out. A huge feat for me:) I have regularly attended my gym since December. I have only lost about ten pounds but I feel pretty strong right now. All of these factors lead me to the decision to train for The Crim race that takes place on August 27th in Flint. I am planning on running it with my friend, Liz. Although I should probably firm that up with her. I think she thinks we were just considering it. I started this week and I didn't hate it. But I wouldn't say I loved it either.
My goal this summer is to train for it and accomplished my long standing goal of completing a 5K. I also hope while training to get stronger and leaner. I have decided to also stop drinking soda of any kind. Lets face it..its horrible for you. Plus, truth be told I prefer the real stuff to diet, making it all that more terrible and calorie filled.
I am hoping with this schedule of running along with my regular classes I take at the gym, that come Fall I am one smoking, hot Grad Student:) That may be asking for a little too much. I guess I will take an even healthier, less jiggly 36 year old wife and mother of three who also goes to grad school!

Not much to say

I keep meaning to post but each time I sit down and write I end up never publishing it. Usually its because its lots of random thoughts that don't really have a theme. As you may have noticed, I like themes when I write. A lot of what I have had to write about is in regards to Sam and his surgery. Obviously, because he and his half a ticker are so heavy on my heart. I did get to speak to Jaime on Saturday and its was great. We ended up talking about lighter, funny neighborhood stuff and it was great to hear her voice and contagious laugh again! I am praying that Sam's low potassium issue and chest tube drainage stop soon so he can come home. It feels so lonely with our beloved next door neighbors gone!
Makenna and Avery, Jaime's girls spent the night Friday. We had a pizza party with them and some other kids in the neighboorhood and ice cream sundaes. They were all really well behaved. Then it was off to the Howard Street Hustle, a 5K fundraiser for the Kalamazoo Christian schools on Saturday morning. The kids all did the fun run. Matthew, Makenna and Caroline ran one lap of the track while Avery did two! All of the kids ran the WHOLE WAY!! It was a little crazy there but a beautiful day!! I felt really weepy there. Sad that Jaime and Steve have to miss stuff like that. I know its so very hard for them but they have no choice. Thankfully there are so many people who love those girls like their own and we try and make things has fun and normal for them as possible. Continue to pray for them as week two of their parents being gone starts.
Only one more week of school for Matthew who is anything but sad to see it ending. That kid just doesn't like school. I can't really figure out why b/c he has a great teacher and lots of friends. So often when he is whining and carrying on in the morning I want to say.." Seriously kid, get over it! Its going to get so much worse than Young fives!" Nice...
Memorial Day is upon us next weekend and we have 5 yards of mulch being delivered on Friday. We're hoping to get our yard in shape. We also are trying to figure out what to do about the eye sore of a deck of ours. We're looking into a few options. If it were up to me and money was no object..I would tear that baby down and build a new one. Oh wait, I meant to say..I would hire someone to do that! I really love hiring things out. That way, they arrive you go out for the day and come home to a new deck, freshly painted kitchen, clean house..etc, etc! Too bad I married a man who wants to hire nothing out!
The pool we joined is opening next weekend. I am hoping for a nice day so we can go over and use it. I think we're all really going to enjoy it.
Finally, I have my WMU MSW program orientation this Thursday. I am beyond excited to get some details about what the next 20 months are going to look like for me.
Well for seemingly not having anything to say..I certainly did jabber on..
Have a wonderful week.

Ode to MOPS

Next Wednesday I will attend my last MOPS meeting and I think I may be a blubbering, pile of tears. For those of you who don't know what MOPS is, I will give you a quick tutorial. MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. So basically you can attend if you have an infant through kindergartener. When you go to a MOPS meeting several things can and do happen.
1. You get a break from your infant or how many ever kids your toting along with you. They are lovingly cared for by a group of fantastic volunteers called MOPPET workers. Bonus if you have older kids because they learn great Bible lessons, do awesome crafts and have a snack.
2. There is food. Delicious, high carb, high sugar, indulgent, who gives a crap about the baby weight from my 2 year old, cheesy casseroly goodness.
3. There is a great speaker who makes it seems, for the half hour in which she speaks, that anything is possible in the grandscape of mothering. You could be the best mom, disciplinarian, wife, cook, friend, couponer ever to set forth in Kalamazoo county.
4. If there isn't a speaker you get to make a cool craft like a bracelet that's beads describe the birth of Christ, a freezer meal, a Christmas ornament, etc.
5. You get to actually have a conversation with another mommy who is on the same journey of mothering young children, just like you. No pressure to look a certain way or say the right thing. You can just be you, as you shove your face full of egg casserole and drink endless cups of coffee.( with as much creamer as your cup will hold.
6. If your lucky enough to pop out another kid during your tenure as a MOPS mom, lovely other mommies bring you awesome homemade meals. Complete with desserts!
7.Ok, a serious one. If you don't know Christ, you will get to. If you do, you can't help but grow in your faith.
I have been going to Southridge MOPS for six years. Matthew was just a wee lad of six months when I began. I remember checking on him like a bajillion times those first meetings, certain that the kid couldn't be torn from me for TWO hours! Fast forward six years and two more kids later. Lets just say when I drop Ellie off and she cries, I basically throw a diaper at them and say.."Don't come and get me until I have finished my strudel!" Just kidding...kinda!
I have met some of my dearest friends through MOPS. I have learned much through my time spent on Steering as MOPPETS co-coordinator, Small group leader and Co-Hospitality member.
My faith has grown much through the speakers and relationships I have been blessed to be a part of.
I know next Fall, when the first and third Wednesdays roll around, I will ache for the fellowship that MOPS provided. But,I will also know that my time there is complete. While I was there, MOPS served me well. It provided a safe place to get a break and get a little more grounded in myself and in my faith. It well equipped me and now its time to get going to the next phase of this journey called motherhood. I know I will tuck my MOPS experience away deep in my heart and treasure it always.
Who knows, I might just come back someday and be one of those lovely ladies that sits and rocks that newborn and gently encourages a new mom to get the heck out of the nursery and into the meeting..her studel is waiting!

Crap! I got in!

That is how I really felt when I got into Western Michigan's MSW program! Don't get me wrong,I did apply, so obviously I was happy to get in. This has been a long time in the making. I actually started the journey to MSW land back when I was a single lady, nannying in Chicago back in 2000. But,I decided that I really wanted nothing more than to be a dutiful wife and mother to the children that didn't even exist back then! I wish I could shake that girl by the shoulders and say, "Stupid girl..do it now..it will be so much easier and you will want the options that this degree affords you!":) Fast foward eleven years and I have to do it with the three kids and a hubby to boot! Oh well, hindsight is twenty twenty as they say!
I am not going to lie. Starting in September, the next 20 months will be grueling. Getting my MSW will be a full time job. I am prayerful that I find good daycare situations for the kids. Matthew and Caroline will be in school half days next year but Ellie will obviously need full time daycare. I will only be able to do this if I am secure with a solid, loving caregiver. Matthew and Caroline will most likely be at one place and Ellie at another. I have always been able to depend on Jeff. I will need his help and support like never before. I will need to be ultra organized, consistent and driven to obtain this goal. Do I think I can do it? You bet every loaned dollar that I will borrow to pay for it:)
With all these changes coming up, I am going to be quiting my job at the retirement home. I want to spend the summer with my kids and we already have a lot planned that would make my weekend work there not possible. I will miss my oldies terribly. I will forever be indebted to them for their love and support and kindness. I plan on doing an internship at a retirement home b/c working at one has opened my eyes up to many of the unmet need that this population has.
The future is full of many possiblilites and challenges for me in the next 20 months.I hope to embrace them and learn from them and become a better person, mother, wife and Christian through it all.
GO BRONCOS!!

Easter with the Oldies..

I had to work this weekend. Let me start off by saying that I was not one bit happy about this. Well, I guess that isn't completely true. At first I thought I was going to get overtime pay for Sunday since I assumed it was a holiday. Well we all know what they say about people who assume things(hardy har)! I found out at 6a.m. Saturday that Easter wasn't in fact a holiday where I work. That is when my bad attitude hit and it hit hard! I was bummed that I would be missing out on church and Easter basket finding and dressing little girls in their best dresses!
I literally think there was an audible "Grr" when my alarm went off again this morning at 4:30. But as soon as I got there it become more and more clear that this is exactly where God wanted me to be. Several of the residents leave their doors open so be who pass by can say hello. I have established several of my closest relationships with these "open door" residents. Believe or not many of their doors are open by 7a.m. so I was heartily greeted by many, "Happy Easters" I even got to say my favorite Easter greeting, "He is Risen!" to which of course these sharp,Christian oldies responded with a "He is Risen indeed!"
As the day wore on I realized that while many residents were being taken out by their families a number of them were not. One lady in particular had a very sad and public interaction with a family member in my dining room. Another who recently lost a spouse was sitting sadly in the public sitting area despairing that this was the first time in his life that he wasn't at church on Easter. Yet another lady when asked by me how she was doing responded by saying, "I guess ok, I am just so lonely!" Because I wasn't terribly busy, seeing that many of my regulars were gone, I was able to sit and chat with her for awhile and maybe,for a few moments, get her mind off her loneliness.
By the end of the day, I swear I could hear God whispering to me, "See. This is where I need you to be." And of course, He was right!(duh) My kids found their Easter baskets, got dressed(of course Ellie's outfit was on backwards but hey..who really cares?) I even managed to make it to church during a break for the Easter Egg Hunt! I was home mid afternoon and we had a nice family evening together complete with Honeybaked Ham and a screening of our newest movie courtesy of the Easter bunny, "Tangled".
I am ending this Easter feeling good. Happy that God is in control of even the tiniest details, like who works in an assistant living dining room. Wow. How Great Thou Art!
I hope you had a blessed Easter...

Crazy Matty

Its funny to me that the domain name of this blog is crazy Matty. When I began this blog, Matthew was only six months old. He was a little crazy but I had no idea that he would become much more crazier before mellowing out. Now, six years later much has changed in all our lives. Matthew is the oldest of three children. In many ways he has the personality of a first born. He is very concerned with "rules" and if people are following them..namely his sisters!! When I am driving he is the first to tell me if I am breaking any laws or if my hand comes off the steering wheel. When Caroline went through a phase where she would unbuckle herself, it nearly killed him, he became very panicky. At school he is quick to listen to his teachers and doesn't like to "have his card switched from green to any other color"! :)
As I have mentioned in other blog updates, Matthew has mellowed this past year. He is sweet, loving and caring. He is all boy! He loves all things Star Wars, Indiana Jones and WII!! He is obsessed with the WII. So much so that we're taking a break from it this summer. He still loves to be outside but has become pickier about not wanting to play with all girls. This can be hard since there aren't many boys in our neighborhood his age. His best friend is Gavin, a boy from school. He adores him and loves having playdates with him.
Matthew is a Daddy's boy. He worships Jeff. When Jeff went out of town for a weekend in March, Matthew could hardly stand it. He really looks up to him and has informed us that he is going to do whatever Jeff does when he grows up so he can go to work with him! Matthew is a homebody. He gets very homesick when he is away from us. Something I can relate to because I struggled with this when I was his age.
Matthew had his first friend birthday party this year. We had it a Pirates Island, a local waterpark. He had about seven friends and loved it! The theme was STAR WARS. Nearly everything Matthew does lately revolves around Star Wars..the kid is obsessed!
Matthew has kept his big blue eyes, but his hair has darkened quite a bit this Winter. I am wondering if it will blond up again this Summer?
Matty loves his sisters and has special relationships with both Caroline and Ellie. He is always looking out for Ellie and is a pretty good playmate for Caroline. Favorite activities are wrestling and building forts.
He continues to be my deep thinker and is very thoughtful when he prays or is seeking God. He loves to learn about Bible stories and Jesus. He continues to ask to go back to a Christian school.
I think that about wraps up my oldest and only boy! I love how much he has changed and grown this year. I love knowing that there is indeed a light at the end of a tunnel when you think your not going to be able to parent a child for one more day! More and more I find Matthew to be delightful to be around. I am blessed to have been given such a treasure!

Sweet Caroline...

Let it be known that girl loves that song..she can sing along with Neil with the best of them! One of her preschool teacher's whom Caroline dearly loves calls her sweet Caroline all the time. So much so that when you ask her what her name is she answers with boldness, "Sweet Caroline!" like..Duh!! Believe it!
Caroline is four and a half. She is by far the most STRONG willed child you.will.ever.meet. No, the periods aren't a typo! Iron will, unbendable,unshakeable,full of conviction that one. Sometimes this plain stinks. Like for example when said child is at her kindergarten screening and REFUSES to cooperate at several of the testing stations. Other times this serves Caroline very well. She has been dressing herself, getting her breakfast, brushing her teeth, riding a bike, writing all sorts of shapes, letters and can blow a fourth grade out of the water with her AMAZING coloring skills(all of which the kindergarten screeners failed to see). If Caroline likes you, she loves you. If she doesn't..well lets just say..sorry about your luck. She is a girl who knows her mind. So, we just keep continuing to fill that little mind with lots of good things. Like about her faith, her God, her friends, books, coloring,drawing, favorite shows(right now its Peppa Pig). In the moments when she is difficult we try and remember that we are trying to mold that will for good and not trying to break it. I feel like God has great things planned for our middle gal. I am sure all moms feel that way but I know all this will is not for naught. I just want to help her always know that she always needs to go to God for her every step in life. Caroline has enjoyed her preschool experience very much. Like I mentioned earlier, she adores her teachers. Next year she will attend the public school,going to the Young fives program five mornings a week. I think she will enjoy going everyday. I just pray she likes her teacher:) For everyone's sake!
Caroline continues to struggle with her asthma. This Winter was tough for our little gal. She had to be treated daily for her symptoms. We're hoping Summer gives her a reprieve from some of this. She is due for an eye exam in May and we will see about her need for surgery, as her eye muscle hasn't improved at all. In fact, even with correction we're seeing some crossing. Caroline still suffers from some severe peanut and egg allergies. Thankfully she seems to have reached an age where she is aware of this. She almost always asks,"Does this have peanut or egg?" before eating anything unknown.
At the end of June, Caroline will be spending a week with her cousins(my sister and her family) in Wisconsin while we go to Vermont for a friend's wedding. I purposely picked my sister for Caroline b/c I think she can handle her without incident and that Caroline will have an amazing time there. I really hope it goes well. No matter how much she fights me..she misses me the moment I am out of sight.
All in all, Caroline is a pretty terrific little girl. Sure she can put up stink. But this story pretty much sums her up. Last weekend we had some pretty amazing weather on Sunday. We were taking a family walk to the park. Caroline,who only recently mastered the art of bike riding, fell off. HARD! Did she cry? Never. She popped up and said in her most exasperated voice, "Uggh!! I getting back on and going to da park!" No tears, no whining. She got her little bootie back on the saddle and did indeed make it the park( before her brother I might add!!) We love her very much and can't wait to see what God has in store for our green kanagaroo in the middle! (Which by the way is the title of a favorite book of mine by Judy Blume, anyone who has three kids should get "Green Kangaroo in the middle!"

Ellie

I feel like I haven't really updated about the kids lately. So, its that time again. Posts dedicated to my precious three. I am starting with Ellie. Our 19.5 month old who has gone from delightfully laid back to a bit of a spit fire this Winter. The girl definitely knows what she wants. I wonder where she gets that from?(her sister), certainly not her mommy!:) She loves to follow Matthew and Caroline around and do whatever they do which usually includes some type of shananigans! Like, but not limited to couch climbing, furniture jumping, table standing,screeching, food throwing..etc! She loves music and dancind and books. Ellie's new favorite activity is playing outside. This past weekend we enjoyed some pretty fantastic weather around here and Ellie loved being able to roam around the yard and go to the park and especially to swing. That girl would swing forever! One way in which she is different from Matthew and Caroline is that she is easily occupied for more than one second with an activity. Like with the swinging or if she is playing with a toy. She stays with something,which is a nice change from the hurricane like behavior of the older Simpson kids!
Physically Ellie is changing too. She is in the 75% for height and 65% for weight. Her hair actually lightened this Winter and is now a sandy blond( I prefer that label to dishwater blond!) Ellie can get pretty much anything when she flashes her soulful baby blues your way!
This Summer I fear will be filled with Ellie doing alot of running while mommy frantically tries to keep up with her all while keeping my sanity in check. We're joining a local pool and I am hoping that she loves the water as much as Matthew and Caroline do.
Ellie has been testing us a bit in the sleeping department as of late. Last night, for example, she cried for nearly 2 hours before finally giving up and going to sleep. Still, she naps for nearly 2 hours each day, giving mommy a chance to catch her breath. The other day I caught her trying to CLIMB out of her crib! Thankfully, she hasn't completly gotten it as I am not ready to make that transition anytime soon.
She does show some interest in potty training and I may try and train her this Summer if only to finally have a DIAPER FREE house for the first time in six years!
Overall I would say Ellie is transitioning from a baby to a toddler. While some things about this are challenging, other things are fun to see. How she is developing her own personality and ways of doing things. How much she loves her brother and sister. Her love of music and books growing everyday. While she is determined she continues to be mostly laid back and easy to please. We love her dearly and can't imagine a life without our Boolah! Oh yeah, her newest nickname by the way..courtesy of big Sister Caroline.
Speaking of Caroline..more about that little flippity witch tomorrow!:)

From this one place..

One of my favorite albums is Sara Groves "Fireflies and Songs". Every song is amazing and speaks to me in some way. The lyrics for the song, "From this one place" are as follows:

I was about to give up and that's no lie
cardinal landed outside my window
threw his head back and sang a song
so beautiful it made me cry

took me back to a childhood tree
full of birds and dreams

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

I don't know what's making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don't like to feel this way

take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

Lately I feel like I am living within the words of this song. With Sam's upcoming heart surgery upon him I am afraid I am letting the devil get the most of my thoughts. I wake up a lot at night lately almost paralyzed by my thoughts and struggle to get a grip through prayer and through Christ. Its like my mind is saying over and over, "But what if, but what if, but,but,but...." AAAGH! Insanity I tell you! The title is so fitting.."From this one place" and the lyrics, " I can't see very far, from this one moment I'm square in the dark. These are the things I will trust in my heart. You can see something else" Trust..in my heart..letting God take care of the something else. Oh yeah..how could I forgot I suck at that? :)
The reference to the window seat and the clouds beneath my feet sound delicious to me right about now. Imagining a world without worry. To truly NOT be anxious about anything but instead giving it all over to God. I have no problem doing that with others but when it comes to Sammy boy..I get really scared.
Thankfully, I am able to get my wits about me, even in the midst of the night and whisper verses and prayers up to my God who knows all of this about me and Sam and all of my other worries both big and small. The God I DO trust with ALL of my heart because I know HE can see something else..
Now...go and listen and download Sara and her amazing cd..I promise, you won't be disappointed..
Happy Listening..

Bike ride with God!

I first read this poem many moons ago it seems. When I first became a Christian. It was in a book about servanthood that I read one night after the kids I was babysitting went to bed. By the way those kids are now in college! One of them is serving the Lord in Thailand right now!! Anyways..its always stuck with me. How wonderful it is to have Christ in control but also how scary sometimes. As I continue to explore what servanthood means in my life I find myself reading this over and over and remind myself just to keep PEDALING! HE will take care of the rest...


When I first met Christ
It seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
But it was a tandem bike,
And I noticed that Christ
Was in the back helping me pedal.


I don't know just when it was that
He suggested we change places,
But life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way,
It was rather boring, but predictable...
It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts,
Up mountains, and through rocky places,
At breakneck speeds,
It was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,

He said,
"Pedal"


I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
And I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life
And entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed.
Gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
They're extra baggage, too much weight."

So I did, I gave them to the people we met,
And I found that in giving I received,
And still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, In control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
But He knows bike secrets,
Knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
Knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
Knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up
and pedal in the strangest places,
And I'm beginning to enjoy the view
And the cool breeze on my face
With my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says...


"Pedal."

Squeaky the sickie..

Caroline's nickname from about the second day of her life has been "Squeaky". She was a very noisy baby, always "squeaking" and so one day Jeff called her that and four and a half years later its stuck. We call her Squeaky or Squeak nearly 80% of the time. I know someday soon she will demand that we not call her that.
Anywhoo..Caroline has,by far, the most medical issues of our three children. It all began when she was first born and had horrible skin and eczema. Then when she was nine months old she developed a pretty severe lazy eye. Upon further examination by an opthomologist it was determined that she was also severely far sighted. So at fifteen months, Caroline started wearing glasses. At 18 months we discovered that she has a severe peanut and egg allergy. She has always been intolerant of milk too.
Last Spring we had our first experience with asthma and this winter its been HORRIBLE for her. I can't remember many days when she hasn't been coughing. She weezes much of the time as well. We have taken all of this in stride because quite frankly in the grand scheme of things when you know kids that are battling cancer and severe heart defects your not too upset by things like asthma and glasses.
But these past weeks Caroline has complained of stomach pains and leg pain and keeps getting low grade fevers in the evening/night time. I took her to the ped for the regular checks of ear infection, strep, urinary tract infection, all of which were negative. So then the doctor ordered some blood tests and a chest and abdominal x ray to see if we could figure out a reason for the strange symptoms.
For those of you who haven't met Caroline, there is no way to possibly explain the hell it was to get her blood drawn not once but TWICE!! The first time the lady just plain sucked and so the next day her daddy took her back for another and thankfully more successful draw. The nurse called me on Friday to say that the doctor wanted to add more tests b/c she had only gotten two of the first draw back and they were abnormal and that something on the abdominal xray were off as well. Talk about freaking a mommy out! I spent all day worrying that Caroline had something very wrong. Then at 6p.m. another nurse calls me back to say that her CBC(complete blood count) came back and it was normal but the other tests weren't back yet. When I asked about the x rays the nurse, who wasn't the original one I had spoken with said," Oh, its says nothing about an x ray here so it must have been nothing!" I could have screamed!! I feel like the first nurse freaked me out for nothing!
We still have to wait on the blood tests to determine that all is well in the grand scheme of major things being wrong. But I still feel there is so much we could be doing to help Caroline live a more healthy life. I have a friend whose son struggles with some of the same issues and has begun a special diet. I plan on talking to her and the doctor and in May a pulmonologist. Hopefully, we can get all of these issues undercontrol.

Immeasurably more..

I LOVE the following verse in Ephesians. I think its my favorite Bible verse for a couple of reasons. One, it speaks to the very human, fleshy part of me that is scared of all the crap that can happen in a lifetime of living. I am working on giving that part of myself fully over to God because it clearly keeps me from having a deeper more meaningful relationship with Him. I know that until I TRUST Him fully with ALL of my life, I will never have the close communion that I so desire.
Secondly, I love this verse because it speaks to my favorite part of faith..OPTIMISM, HOPE and GRACE. I believe that God wants the best for me and is more than capable of doing immeasurably more in EVERY situation. The thing that I sometimes fail to get is HOW He does it. If I pray for someone who is ill and they die, does that mean He didn't do immeasurably more? No. It seems sometimes my IMMEASURABLY more and God's IMMEASURABLY more aren't the same. Do I trust His plan? Yes. Is it hard to not know all there is to know when you or someone you love is going through valleys in life..YES! Can I continue to ask God to do immeasurably more in the obvious ways..Yes! Sometimes I can't wait to get to heaven b/c I have sooooo many questions about this kind of stuff. Of course I know when I get there all these questions will seem trivial and all I will really be thinking is.."I am in Heaven..ROCK on!!" :)
I am praying for immeasurably more for Sweet Sam, who is scheduled to have his THIRD open heart surgery on April 19th. Please, if you share my faith and pray..lift this dear little lad and his awesome family up to the Lord. That immeasurably more would occur,that is would be a succesful surgery. For peace for his mommy and daddy and loads of other people who love him so very much. Also pray for a fellow MOPS mommy whose sweet little daughter is facing a 5th open heart surgery tomorrow despite the fact that she is only 2 months old! Pray for wisdom for her surgeon(who just happens to be Sam's too!)
Thanks...



Ephesians 3:20 (New International Version, ©2011)

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

Complacent

I fear I have become just that..complacent. Last night at church we had a banquet to kick off in a sorts, a campaign to raise $170,000 for missions in our church and community. First of all can I say again how much I love our new pastor and his passion for what the LORD wants for our church! Ever since I read Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love" I have felt very convicted about certain things. One of them being that I strongly feel God has little tolerance for people whose only goals in life are to get,get,get. I have spoken to this before on my blog. God doesn't give a crap about your house or your car or your clothes! He does care about YOU caring more about those things than those around us who desperatly need HIM.
The thing is I know this but little in my life has changed to reflect this. I still buy things I don't need. I still covet things others have. My dreams sadly reflect those of a person with self-serving ambitions.
As Jeff and I left the church and discussed what we heard and saw the conversation inevitably came to the ulitmate point of the night.."How much are we willing to give?" Money. Yuck. I fully admit to really stinking when it comes to sacrifice. I am all about talking a great game about it but in the end, almost 90% of the time when the going gets tough and I am truly being faced with sacrificing..I find a way out.
But here's the thing. I really haven't found a way out. Because of my choices to do what I want instead of what GOD wants I have done nothing to bring glory to God or his kingdom. No souls will be won if I continue to live a life of complacency.
Certainly when I die I don't want to hear God say to me, "Wow. You really dropped the ball. There is so much I could have accomplished if you would have only let me."
I feel like for the past year or so I have basically just been drifting in my walk. Not growing, not leading, not changing the hearts of those around me who need the salvation of Christ. I need to pray about how to change that. I am certain simply cutting a check each month isn't going to "cut" it. More is required and expected of me from this great God I am priveledged to serve.
I have got some serious soul searching to do. I just hope I get my act together this time!

Are you serious..

I was going to title this post something different but thought I best not swear in the blog title! We have been through the ringer over here wtih sickness. I talked about Ellie's bout with the stomach flu on Valentine's Day. She was victim number 2. Caroline puked a week before Ellie. Then Ellie got it and the next day she came down with a nasty case of RSV. Then Caroline and Matthew got bronchitis, sinus infections and ear infections with high fevers for nearly five days thrown in for good measure. Just when I think no one else could possibly get sick..they do. I am weary on many levels. Weary of constantly tending to a puking little one, disinfecting like crazy in hopes that it doesn't spread. Weary of sleeping like crap because one or more of the kids is waking up to have me tend to whatever need they have. Weary of Matthew having missed nine days of school. Weary of doctor appointments and co pays and prescription cost. Weary of my own schedule being completly thrown to the wayside over the last month. Weary that my gym schedule and all I have accomplished with that being disrupted.
But then I read about Kate McCrae who is facing discouraging news in her battle with brain cancer. Or of another friend's baby from MOPS who had heart surgery over a month ago and is still hospitalized almost six weeks later with many complications. I am grateful for kids who have minor illnesses that they will recover from. That I can make it all better with a hug or a antibiodic or just some time.
Yes, this past month has really stunk. But it could be much worse.
We're just praying that the sickie germs that have invaded our home are gone for good soon and that Spring will show its glorious face soon! I saw on a marquee for a local florist the following blerb,"Winter makes you appreciate Spring" Can I get an AMEN!!?
Hoping you and yours are healthier than the Simpson clan!!

Because my heart is HIS home..

Matthew is nearly six. First of all can I say I hardly can believe that. It seems like just the other day that I laid my eyes on that sweet little bundle of joy:) Matthew has mellowed over this past year. The child who once could drive me absolutly bonkers has become one of my favorite companions. He is thoughtful and easy going. An amazingly helpful, wonderful big brother! He is also my deep thinker. He has lamented to me several times this year about how he wishes he could go to a Christian elementary school. I have explained to him that right now we can't swing it but it is our desire for him to go to a Christian school one day. Another area in which we have spent quite alot of time discussing it about how God cares more about your insides rather than how you look or how you dress. Over the summer and Fall both Matthew and Caroline talked alot about who was fat or skinny. This kind of talk makes my blood boil. Having struggled with my weight my entire life, I want to firmly instill in my children's hearts that the way you LOOK certainly doesn't tell a person's entire story. I also want my children to be defenders of those who others are quick to judge. It is a lesson they have learned well so far because if they even think about saying something in regards to someone being overweight they will quickly add, "But God only cares about your heart, right mommy?"
So yesterday Matthew is just sitting on the couch seemingly minding his own business when he says to me, " Mommy, you know why God cares so much about my heart?" To which I said, " No, why honey?" " Because my heart is HIS home now. That is where He lives, not on the outside."
Amen brother! Grateful for one tiny lesson that seems be routed in that gorgeous little heart of his!

Learn the love language DUDE!

I have never fully read the Love Language book. But, I have been to countless MOPS sessions on it. I would say, without a doubt I responded favorably to gifts and words of affirmation. I like BIG gifts like IPADS,IPHONES, MACbooks..ok..all things MAC. However, a ten dollar box of coffee or even a ten dollar Biggby giftcard will get this girl pretty darn excited! Unfortunatly, my hubbie, after being with me for TWELVE years, eight of which he has been my husband, has SUCKED at coming though on this. I blame the accountant in him. He is such a money man. Always thinking of that damn budget. So this year at Christmas I had him tell me what he WOULD get me if the BUDGET was not an issue. He rattled off several things I have my eye on and I will say it provided me much satisfaction in knowing at least he listens when I talk:)
So for Valentines Day he told me that I wasn't getting anything but that he would get me a card. I got him a hilarious card by the way and some small trinkets. Because that's how I roll..nicely and thoughtfully:) (and humbly too!) I did have a major meltdown of sorts on Friday night and went to blowoff some steam by soaking my narsty winterized feet in the local nail shop for a spa pedicure. So, techinically that may qualify as a Valentine present. I argue not b/c I think Jeff knew if I didn't get one tiny morsel of me time I may have never returned home..but I will say that it was nice to get out and have my feet all dolled up! The weekend came and went, with me working at my job which I am not at all that fond of. I wake up Monday morning all ready to take Matthew and the awesome cake pops I made to his Valentine Party at school when I enter Ellie's bedroom to find her and her crib, bedding,etc COVERED IN ..wait for it...PUKE! Happy Valentine's day to me! I spent the next eight hours helping a 17 month old puke into towels, washing the towels, trying to distract the 17 month old from wanting to eat and drink, which she desperatly wanted to do. It sucked..BIG time..I realize more for Ellie in the end than for her bratty mommy. As the day went on I became more and more resentful of the lack of gift and card for that matter. I knew he didn't have one and now with Ellie puking the last thing I wanted was a late arrival home. Then I stared puking. Seriously, could it get any worse? Don't answer that, I know. Yes, it could. So, I started talking myself out of my downward spiral of self pity and thought of all the awesome things there are about Jeff. One of which is him coming home early yesterday and rescuing me from Ellie so I could puke in peace:) I rallied quickly and made the huge mistake of going on FB to see what everyone else's was up to while I was catching puke all day. BIG MISTAKE..HUGE! I kept seeing all these posts about flowers, candy, dinners out, gifts, etc. I then did something I try not to do on FB and trashed my hubbie.
Then, not five minutes later, as I took my weary, cardless and giftless self to bed I found it. A hand typed note of 10 things Jeff loves about me. Sweetest thing ever. I went up to him to hug him and he quickly backed away..and said, " Thanks..I will take a raincheck pukey!" Love that guy!
Hope your Valentine's Day was awesome and vomit free!

Covet not

I admit it..I have a huge problem with coveting! Before you get the wrong idea, not about other people's hubbies!:) But of their lifestyles. Its very easy for me to get wrapped up in what I assume is the lovely lifesyle of those I know, or some cases don't even know! Usually, ok ALWAYS its because they have more money than me and I think if I had more that I would be blissfully happy. This is a load of crap for more reasons than I could ever blog about. Earlier this year in BSF(Bible study fellowship) our lecturer talked about how sometimes God protects us from certain things b/c basically He knows we just can't handle it. I think this is definitely true in regards to me and MONEY. I like to think that if I was a cajillionaire that I would be so giving, so unchanged by it. That I would still be the same. I think that might be true in many ways but I think I certainly would get caught up in it all.
Lately, though, my coveting has taken me to a place that I fear God is NOT at all understanding about. Lately, when I think of what I don't have, I get kinda sad and "Poor me" about it. You know what I think God thinks when HE hears it.." You think your sad now Suzie Q.. you better shape up pronto or I WILL get your priorites in line!" I think it downright ANGERS God to no end to hear me think like this.
The other night I was feeling blue and simultaneously urged to go to my BSF lesson, to open my Bible and get right with God! I am sure you will be shocked to know that I did indeed straighten up and fly right:)
In my defense, I think b/c money always seems tight for us in one way or another( insert that this is do to some BAD money choices made by me and Jeff) that it seems like money would solve alot of issues.
But, as a friend who has much money but not also alot of lonliness alluded to the other day..ITS NOT EVERYTHING!
What do I take from all this coveting and money crap..Always go to God and HIS truth when your blue. HE will have you seeing rainbows soon enough:)

What I would do with a kidless day

For some reason I have been thinking about this alot lately. Remembering when I had lots of kidless days and what I did with it. I have to say that I am a huge advocate for "sowing your oats" before you have kids kind of girl. Because, lets face it, once that kidless ship has sailed, its SAILED. And your left holding a rubber ducky :) Anyways..this is what I would do. I broke it down based on seasons b/c of course that would change my agenda..

FALL:
Grab a crap load of freshly baked apple cider donuts from a cider mill and take a long drive up North to enjoy some fall foilage. Listening to MY music (no kids bop)

WINTER:
Curl up with a fabulous book and an endless amount of steaming hot Constant Comment or Republic of Teas Ginger Peach tea. Read my book, fireside, tea in hand, napping intermitently.

SPRING:
Drive up to the Detroit area, this time I would have to plan my route with Biggby's coffee stops so I could have endless amounts of cafe ole's made my way ( which ever flavored coffee sounds tasty that day, with equal proportions of cream and skim milk steamed in) YUM. A. ROO.
Once there I would shop with NO BUDGET for a new spring wardrobe. It would certainly include an amazing pair of Tori Berch flats. On my way home I would detour through Ann Arbor and stock up at Trader Joe's. Again, NO BUDGET!

SUMMER:
Pack a delightful book,my swimsuit from my Spring shopping spree, grab a HUGE coke from SONIC with my fav bally ice and throw in some tater tots from there for good measure:) and head to South Haven for a day of sunning, reading, and ice chewing.

Ahhh..I feel better. If even just to dream a little dream.

A new habit...

I read somewhere that if you do something consistently for 21 days it becomes a habit. I suppose you could intentionally do something not so good for you and see if this is true. I am sure I have unintentionally have done lots of bad things and never even realized it. But, I picked working out for a new, good habit! Over the last 30 days I have worked out almost 25 of them. Its been so much fun. I joined a gym that a lot of people I know go to. Some are new friends, some are aquaintances, some are tried and true known forever friends. ALL have been encouraging. The classes the gym offers are AWESOME. Plus its been really rewarding to be able to complete the classes. Even if I can't always do every move or every minute at high intensity, I can finish and I am seeing improvement with each passing day. I am able to push myself more and more. I am becoming one of those people who doesn't want to miss working out. The kind that feels like something is missing if I miss it. I am loving feeling that combo of sweaty and exhausted at the end of a class and knowing I gave 100%.
Has the scale moved dramatically? NO! But, I feel stronger, look a wee bit trimer and feel proud of myself. I realize its only been 30 days and with my track record it could all fall to the wayside with a sick kid throwing me off my game. But I am trying to stay focused and determined to keep it up. Jeff and I are going to a wedding in Vermont in June. That is my "goal", to look awesome and buy something that I would normally loathe buying..A DRESS! I hate dresses, always have. So looking good in one would be a great reward for all the hardwork it takes to get your butt and your three kids up and dressed and fed and to the gym on any given day.
What I wouldn't give for all those years I wasted as a single gal, or a married gal with no kids, when really..I had all the TIME in the world. Oh well, you know what they say about HINDSIGHT!?
Hoping your New Years Resolutions are going gymingly!:) hee

Chocolate milk that doesn't need to be cooked..

In Matthew speak this means, chocolate milk already made in the container. He has been calling it this forever. It is so cute! But I know that one day I will forget it no matter how cute it is now. I can never imagine forgetting the way Ellie points her chubby little finger and says, "This!" or Caroline in her angriest voice saying, "I not you best friend anymore!" or when we leave any Bible study or church event and I ask her what she learned about she says, "Jesus and God." Every. Single. Time. For the past month when I ask Matthew what he learned in school he says, " I am not telling you till 100 days." Whatever. Matthew also claims he will NEVER live away from us. I guarentee that I won't forget that b/c I plan on throwing that right back in his face when he "hates" us for not letting him do this, that or the other thing when he is 18.
More seriously, Matthew gets really worried that if he acts naughty that we won't "love" him anymore. To which I reassure him time and again that there is nothing he could do to lose our love for him. We do throw in that there are many, many, things he does that make us disapointed in him. And suddenly I can hear my own mother's word coming forth. Caroline worries that "no one wikes me at BSF. They not want to sit with me." And so the early lessons of rejection and how to deal are born.
It seems like forever and a day away that my children will be 18,17 and 14 but yet I know it will seem like its here in a blink of an eye. So, I will write it down so even when I forget, I can read it all here and smile and most likely have a good cry!

Is Marriage hard work?

So I think I have mentioned that I read the blog by Mckmama. There is all sorts of drama surrounding her blog as of late. About various issues. But,the topic today got my attention. In it Jennifer, the author of the blog states that she thinks marriage is really hard work. Now is that so awful? I think not. But,man, did she open the floodgates of criticism. She had over 160 comments about how people didn't think it was work. Granted,I think people are more or less irritated by her than her views on marriage. But it got me wondering what my answer to this question is? I would say in no uncertain terms...ABSOLUTLY! I actually can't believe anyone who has been married for more than thirty days would say otherwise. Does that mean that its not fun, rewarding, awesome? Again, I think not. I have been married for nearly eight years. Its been a great ride thus far. But, with three little ones underfoot and often driving us crazy, it can be hard work not to lose your cool with the one person who knows you best. Gone, for what seems like forever, are the days of just being with each other. There are so many things to do, worries, stress that can bog us down. And Jeff and I don't even have any major stessors like illness or unemployment. WE have been incredibly blessed these past seven and a half years and yet..its hard work.
So, is marriage hard work to you? Damn you people...COMMENT:) Or as Caroline says, I will be weally super mad!" Not really but I would like to know others thoughts on this...

Blah hum bug

Christmas is over. But my house is still decorated. Santa has come and it looks like Toys R Us threw up all over our house. There is crap everywhere and its making me one grumpy mama! Part of me wants to take care of it all right now. But the rational part of me realizes that this will be much better suited for a day when Daddy is home. Jeff is off Thursday-Sunday of this week so I must wait until then to accomplish my goals!
I am weary of 2010. I really want 2011 to come. Not that 2010 was bad. It was fine. But I am excited for what 2011 will bring our family. Will it bring me to Western to get my MSW? Will it bring Jeff a new job? What blessings will God grant us this year? I hope in 2011 to see God daily and to be grateful to him, daily. To seek Him before I do anything. To start and end my day with Him in my mind. I think if I actually accomplish this goal I will be able to pretty much accomplish anything. I stink at it though. Again and again I set this as a goal and again and again I fail.
I joined a new gym and so far, a week in, I am motivated. I am still down 110 pounds from my all time high weight from 3 years ago when I had gastric bypass. I am celebrating that. Instead of dwelling on the 25 pounds I have gained since being pregnant with Ellie. 110 pounds is still pretty damn good. Now I want to be in awesome shape. I want to push my body harder than its ever been pushed before. Ok, I also wouldn't mind looking great in a pair of size 10 jeans. I don't think I have worn size ten since...lets just say a long, long time!
I want to enjoy my kids more in 2011. Be annoyed less. I want to spend time with people who add something positive to my life. I have had it with people who you can't count on and with the "Debbie Downers" of the world. Life is too short to be like that. Thankfully,I am blessed with lots of positive, inspiring people.
I love the start of something new. There is so much possiblility in it. 2011 can be anything I want it to be in my mind.I just hope my body follows through!
Happy New Year!

John 3:16

That verse is the header of this year's Simpson Christmas card. I looked through several different photo cards, on several different sites, before deciding on this one. Why? Because I am celebrating and rejoicing in the birth of our Lord and Savior. I am not celebrating Kwanza, Hanukah,the Holidays or anything else. I do not believe in them. I believe in Christ. I believe that GOD so loved the WORLD that he gave his ONLY SON that whoever believes in HIM shall NOT PERISH but have ETERNAL life!
Go ahead, disagree. Through my study of Isaiah this year in BSF, one thing I have learned is to be BOLD in my faith. We only have one life to get this right. I have many things to change and do to become more steadfast in my faith. But I am beginning it with my Christmas card. I would love it if everyone who opens it thinks, "Wow, the Simpsons went really religious this year. " I would love it even more if they thought, " Wow, Christ came for me! God gave me HIS only SON!"
I am not nieve to think that a card alone will do it for most people. I think probably its more likely that if they see Christ living in me, they will maybe wonder what the difference is in my life. If I step out of my comfort zone daily and do things like share my faith, invite others to church, speak thoughtfully, live purposefully that it will say more than a Christmas card ever could.
Studying Isaiah has taught me, so far, that we are held to a very high standard as Christians. That God expects much of His people. That we fall horridly short. But, that through the grace and the glorious gift of HIS SON, we all can be redeemed and indeed live eternally with Him. His gift is ours for the taking..
Merry CHRISTmas!

Following through..

I suck at it. I am the queen of starting things and then giving up or giving in or just forgetting it. I am working on changing this but you know what they say, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." It seems to be deeply imbedded in me. One thing in which I have been successful is blogging. This month marks the 6th anniversary of my blog. I feel like I am one of the few left to continue to blog. I still enjoy it. I love looking back and reading about where we have been and how God has brought us through and especially reading back on the kids. Its amazing how quickly one can forget things that at the time seem like they are so unforgettable!
I haven't had comments in a long time, so part of me wonders if anyone even checks out blogs anymore? Perhaps not. It seems like in the age of Facebook people are content with simply knowing someones status update alone. Not me, I miss knowing more about people. More about their struggles. More about what I can pray for and more about the generalities of life. Oh well. Can't make people blog can you!
So what is new around here? Caroline continues to struggle with her asthma and is now on breathing treatments twice a day...yuck! We had a nice Thanksgiving and are in full swing of all things Christmas. The kids are at a great age for enjoying and getting the meaning of Christmas. Jeff found out last week that he will NOT be losing his job..a great praise. So, our plan for moving may be temporarily on hold. The new plan is for me to get my MSW from Western Michigan and then move on. Here is where the not following through could really be a negative. Not following through doesn't lead to 1( getting into grad school or 2) being successful in it! I am in the midst of applying so we will see.
I have been really feeling scattered lately. Missing meetings, forgetting things at home, serious absentmindness. I was telling Jaime this and she said that at BSF lecture this week our leader spoke specifically about this. That how when we don't pray for God's will to be done and for Him to lead us each day He does this to get our attentions to seek HIM! So, for the past few days I have done this and its going much better.
One question...Do you out there still read? If so, let me know..

Turkey Day Top Ten

So here it is..my Top Ten things I am thankful for this year. Some weird, some funny, some serious, some sad and of course some random or it wouldn't be me!

10. Frivilous t.v. shows like "The Big C", "Dexter","Modern Family".
9. Ice from Sam's Club or better yet from "Sonic" small and bally..is that word? and almost chewy..delish! Don't tell but I may have paid 16 cents for a cup of said ice before!
8. Ellie's little walking waddle. Its almost the last babysish thing left of our last babe and I love it.
7. Caroline's infectious laugh..
6. Praying for miracles like Kate McCrae's MRI to go well and for Sam's heart cath to go good and presto..its done.
5. Bible Study Fellowship. Sure, studying Isaiah is scaring the crap out of me but isn't that the point?
4. Matthew always saying loud as can be when he gets out of the van at drop of "I love you momma" those days are nearly over I fear.
3. After twelve years together and almost eight years of marriage, I still love my husband deeply and feel like I was granted a wish by marrying him.
2. That we all have our health. I have realized more this past year that it is a great blesssing and fleeting.
1. Of course, Christ. Because if this list ceased to exist..HE wouldn't
Have a Blessed Thanksgiving. Eat turkey, watch football, shop, decorate but take many, many moments to PRAISE the biggest blessing of all!

Sweet Sam

Just a quick post to ask any of you who read this and pray to pray for our dear,sweet little neighbor and buddy Samuel Ekkens. He was born with hypoplastic heart 18months ago. He has already endured two open heart surgeries. Due to some complications from a narrowing in his aorta, Sam will be having a heart cath tomorrow and possibly his third, and final open heart surgery tomorrow. This came out of no where so his poor family is just overwhelmed. His mom Jaime, was suppose to have surgery herself tomorrow. Now, she finds herself preparing yet again for a surgery for Sam. We all know how serious this is. But we also know that our God is more than capable of sustaining Sam through this. He has so blessed Sam with "good results" in the last 18 months. We're just pleading for more for him.
I was able to watch him for about an hour today and am still amazed at how good he looks. That kid has so much spunk and determination. Full of personality. I love him dearly. I have often told Jaime that God definetly knew what he was doing when he put together his personality. He needs to have fight in him!
Praying that I get to chase him around again soon!!
Join me...

One big ball of a mess..

I have been talking to a therapist a few times of month since early Spring. I initally went b/c basically motherhood and its demands were flippin getting the best of me. I felt like I wasn't handling things well, I was edgy, moody, snappy, basically a joy to be around:) Just ask Jeff! Anyways, we worked on those issues initially and now have moved on to other topics. No worries, I won't delve into them here. By the way, for those readers who were able to catch my REDEMPTION post, you will see its been deleted. In case you were wondering what happened, I basically decided that for the most part this blog is journal of my mothering years. Not to say that I don't include antedotes about other stuff but I generally keep it to kids info. I guess the subject matter that was included in that post, I want to decide when to share it with Matthew, Caroline and Ellie. I plan to make this blog a book when I decide to stop so I guess I just edited some content!
Anywhoo..I was talking with the therapist about how its so interesting to me what we start to talk about and what we ended up talking about by the end. Talk about a cluster of ideas..good gravy. I have never stuck therapy out this long. All I have to say about it is that its not easy! I made the analogy that its like a ball of yarn you have that is a big, tangled mess and it just seems like your never going to untangle it. But, as she pointed out, if you don't it just get bigger and tighter and then your really stuck..literally. I think its helping me become a better me and in turn a better mommy and wife and friend, sister, etc. But sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say " I quit! Deal with it people!" Nice, real nice..
Unrelated to me, the kids are good. Matthew had his tonsills out..hellish nightmare that was! I am so glad its behind us. Ellie got hand,foot and mouth..hellish as well. Caroline has been struggling with asthma issues..wait, didn't I day we were fine?:) In the grand scheme of things..we are. We have no serious issues plaguing us. A new friend of mine recently lost her 12 day old baby to Trisonmy 18. I went to her memorial service and it was both the sweetest and saddest things I have been to. Once again, I was reminded how really when you lose what you hold dearest all you have is your Faith to cling to. And again I was amazed and bless to see grieving, hurting people not only clinging to God but also taking the opportunity to draw those that don't know Christ to Him through the power of the testimony of their journey with sweet Baby Josie.
Jeff and I are getting away this weekend to a bed and breakfast in Union Pier. We can't wait. To just have time to be together and do whatever we want, knowing the kids are having fun with the grandparents. Ellie is sick again right now so were praying she gets better! Poor little gal has had a rough month!
Lastly, due to some childcare issues, I am only working weekends at the Retirement home now. I will miss the oldies but goodies but am glad to be home with my little ones more.I now work every other Sat and Sun from 6am-3pm. For now. We're still praying and figuring out what the heck is in store for the Simpsons!
I think that is all for now. I plan of doing another Thanksgiving list next week...stay tuned..:)

Caroline is 4!

Lots of Birthday blogging going on.Caroline turned four last Tuesday with a family party at home. She celebrated with about nine friends, mostly neighbors, at the beginning of the month. Being four, she was all into getting presents and was given lots of Little Pet Shop stuff, princess stuff, Barbie, and of course Dora. She hasn't outgrown her love of Dora just yet. Considering her peanut and egg allergy, we made her friends "dirt" cupcakes complete with gummy worms.
Sometimes I can hardly believe its been four years since Sweet Caroline blessed our lives. She has really blossomed this summer. Transitioning from a toddler to a preschooler/little girl. She has become one of the gang with the neighbor kids and spent nearly every hour possible outside this summer keeping up with her big brother! Caroline is a wonderful big sister to Ellie. She loves her(sometimes too much) and is helpful at fetching things for me. Caroline goes to BSF with me on Tuesday and loves to learn about Jesus there. You will often catch Caroline singing little verses to various Bible songs. She is attending preschool for the first time and is having fun there as well. Caroline is trying out karate and its just about the most adorable thing you've ever seen!
Still wearing her glasses for her farsightedness and lazy eyes you can't miss Caroline with her cropped brown hair and baby browns in her glasses! She still receives speech once a week but has made great strides this summer.
Caroline knows what she likes and what she DOESN'T like which can make things interesting. She can throw a whopper of a tantrum but her desire to perservere serves her and b/c of this she is very determined. She can already color in the lines and picks up things very quickly. She has been dressing herself for a long while now.
Full of spunk and full of life. Caroline has taught me more about myself and my shortcomings more than any other person. Caroline is not easily won over or influenced. She knows, even at the tender age of 4, who she is. I pray that trait doesn't leave her and serves her well! I love my sweet little Caroline...Happy fourth birthday darling girl!

Ellie is one..

Well, technically she is thirteen months old now! I wanted to give a quick update about her since that is the reason I love blogging..to read back about the kids later! Ellie turned one last month with a family party at home. Staying true to her little personality, she quietly enjoyed her cake..never once digging in. It was if she knew this was good stuff and she wasn't about to waste it!
What a year its been with our last little one. Ellie continues to be sweet, loving and easy going. She started walking shortly after her birthday and looks so tiny toddling around. Considering she is a good five pounds behind where Matthew and Caroline were at this age, she seems too tiny and dainty to walk but walk she does. She is interacting more and more with the kids and adores her brother and sister. Its hilarious to watch her wrestle with them! Ellie is a great eater and we haven't found much she won't munch on. Especially meat sticks! Ellie loves her some meat sticks:) She is starting to get a little apprehensive with strangers and sometimes will cry if seperated from those she loves best! One of those people is Grandma Barb, with whom Ellie has a special little bond with. Chalk it up to last grandchild syndrome. Ellie loves books and will sit in a pile, quietly going through them for quite awhile. Finally, after three tries, we have a little one who DOESN'T ransack everything. She is quite content just to look and it isn't in her nature, at least yet, to destroy things:)
We have continously realized throughout this year, with the addition of Ellie, how sometimes in life, things aren't planned but that sometimes those surprises add so much to your life that you can't possibly imagine life without them!!
We love you Elizabeth Jane, Ellie Bellie, Belle, Ellie belly full of Jelly! This kid has alot of nicknames!!

The life you never knew you always wanted..

I just got back from visting my dear, sweet niece Jessica at GVSU. Caroline and I day tripped it up there to see where she lived and to do some shopping. Plus, Caroline and Jessica love each other and have a special little bond thing going so I thought it would be nice. I am trying to do something special with Matthew and Caroline every now and again. Today was squeaky's turn..
Anywhoo...
While there I saw all sorts of things. Typical campus life. Kids, yes, kids..when did college people turn into kids..I swear I looked older when I was twentyish but those students looked downright infantile!:) We passed by some houses that you knew just wreaked of stale beer and puke and then we passed lots of spiffy housing that defintely did NOT remind me of any of the nasty places I was proud to call home in my tenure at CMU and MSU. I thought of my times spent at college. Many of which were spent drinking to excess and doing things I am sure my mother hopes never to know of. Then I thought of Jessica and how boldly Christian she is living her life. She is very involved in Campus Ministries. She leads a small group, which if you know Jessica, you know that group speaking isn't exactly in her comfort zone. But she is just another example of how we can do ALL things through Christ!! She has continued to make good, solid, Christian friends who inspire and grow her! I admit it..I was jealous. What time I wasted. What could I have accomplished if I had traveled that road instead of the one paved with parties and drinking and all sorts of other sinfulness?! I will never know the impact I COULD have had for the KINGDOM of GOD.
I guess you live and learn. I can't have a DO over but I can DO more in the present. In the time I have now. I can do my very best to raise children who SEEK Christ and all the great things living a life for HIM has to offer. I can live an UNASHAMED, PASSIONATE, CRAZY kind of love way for this GOD of mine. The God who knows every last horrid thing I have ever done or thought or said and still waits for me to come back to Him again and again. Thank goodness for a GOD like that..

Get ready, get set..and....WAIT!

I blogged about potentially moving a few months ago. Since then nothing much has happened. Wait, that isn't totally true. Some changes have taken place. I am organzing and cleaning and goodwilling the crap out of our house. I have been so motivated these past few weeks, you'd think I was nesting. NO!!! I am not nesting in the knocked up sense:) But, I do have that same excitement and anxiousness that one feels when they are expecting a baby. Actually, the way you feel when your pregnant with your first baby and you have NO idea what to expect. That is pretty much how I feel.
People keep asking us, "Why?" "When?" "What will you do if your house sells and you don't know where you will go?" Usually I just shrug and basically avoid the answers. The truth is this, We feel led to do this. We are confident that if this is blessed by Christ, all these questions will eventually have answers. The only plan I have right this very minute is to earnestly pray and to get my house ready to list. If it sells quickly, quite frankly, in this market I would consider this a huge blessing and mighty answer to prayer. I am confident in Jeff and his abilities and have no worries about him getting a new job. We're still not sure what this will all mean a year or two from now. But we figure if there is no better place for our lives and our families future to be but right in God's!
As I read over this I don't want to seem like I am always super confident in all of this. Nope. It can be quite unsettleling to be unsettled. But its very settling to be in God's will for my life. That much I know to be true..

Out of the zone

What zone? My comfort zone. I have mentioned that our church recently got a new pastor. I can't tell you how much I am enjoying the changes he is bringing to our church. He is stretching us in ways we haven't seen!! One of the ways he did this most recently was with an excercise in forgiveness. He asked us if we could think of someone who we were feeling anger, frustration, rage against. Then explained how when we do this we carry that and the pain they've caused around with us. At the end of the service we had time to pray to release the pain and forgive the person. This could not have hit home more closely! I have had some disagreements with a women in my MOPS group in the recent weeks. I have really had it with her leadership style and was definetly harbouring some pretty intense dislike for her. After I prayed to forgive her for the way I have been being treated by her, I felt so much better..immediately. Do I still have to deal with her and the situation? Yes, but not with an angry heart.
Pastor Mark preached about Acts and living authentically. He spoke about how so often when we ask or are asked how we are we just respond in a non authentic way. But God wants us to be known and real. At the close of the service he asked us to break into small group of four or five and share a prayer request. Let me tell you that I thought Jeff was going to run for the hills...so not him!! But, we did it and it was awesome. We were with two couples in their late forties. They are in different seasons of their lives obviously, but we were connecting and being real and most importaingly..being KNOWN. I left church that day feeling better than I have in years.
Thank you God for bringing Pastor Swank to us and stretching us..can't wait for more!

I heart Jeff..

I wish I knew how to make the actual heart..but since I am horrid at anything to do with computers its just not happening. Something happened this morning that reminded me how much I love my husband. Prepare yourselves its random.
I worked both Saturday and Sunday from 6:30 to 3pm. I wasn't planning on the Sunday shift so needless to say, I was grouchy. Upon returning home Sunday afternoon,tired and grouchy, I saw Jeff's helmet in the driveway. Two thoughts went through my head. 1) Get out of the car and move it.
2) Drive over it and hope its clears.
No need to spend lots of time guessing, of course I picked option two. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that it DIDN'T clear it. In fact, I broke the heck out of it. But, being the grouchy, entitled person that I was, I justified it by thinking," Well, it should have been there in the first place. " Oh by the way, it was still lodge under Jeff's car. I just shrugged it off and went inside. Fast forward to this morning. Jeff leaves for work and about ten minutes later he calls me. He is MAD! Wondering how his helmet got wedged under his car and broken. He asks me how I didn't see it. I try crafting a spur of the moment reason, ok a lie. But since I am a horrid liar, he quickly catches me and starts laughing. He basically calls me out on my laziness. We both start laughing because I realize, once again,that he knows me like the back of my hand and therefore I can't get anything past him. After I hung up I thought, " I love him!" I love that he knows me and still likes me:) He has seen the good the bad and the ugly and still he loves me. I am so grateful for Jeff and all he brings to my life. So often I comment on how great he is as a father, which he is. But, being a good husband and a good dad aren't the same thing. Its important to be both. To not settle in our relationship but to continue to strive to know each other and love each other. Even when we're grouchy and lazy!!

Metaphors from the dune...

This past week we, Jeff, Matthew,Caroline and I(Ellie camped out with my parents in Chi town) went to Silver Lake for a week long vacation. I have to say, with serious enthusiasm that it was one of the best weeks I have had in a long time. Without the constraints that a baby can have on your schedule, life with our five and nearly four year old was nearly bliss. We spent the week lounging by the pool,swimming,jumping, reading books, playing with cousins, eating way too many marshmellows and chips and just generally enjoying life and each other.
I rediscovered both my children in ways I haven't either let myself or allowed myself to. I had such fun just being with those little monkeys. Whether it was racing around the racetrack at Craig's Cruisers with Caroline next to me screaming with such joy in her husky little voice, "Mommy, this is really super fun!" or just cuddling with my early risers on the couch in the morning. Having the time to observe how Matthew is really becoming a little man and how he's matured during this summer. Watching him master his swimming and diving skills.
But, perhaps,the greatest lesson I learned this week, happened one night when our whole family hit the dunes.We all climbed some big ones and if you want to see your children's personalities personified and highlighted..hit the dunes. There was Matthew, who runs into life head on, if he's into it and doesn't look back. Then there is Caroline, who with sheer bull headed determination gets to the top of that damn dune b/c by God she's got to!! I was so proud of her b/c I know it was hard for her but she just kept plugging away at it..one sandy step at a time. I just looked on and thought, "Atta girl!!"I discovered,and I am sad to admit this, just how much I love them both this week.
Sure, they drive me bonkers lots of times, but they bring me so much more joy than really one girl deserves. Watching them this week and really being able to have quality family time was such a blessing to both Jeff and I. Yes, we missed little Ellie, but knowing that she was fine with Grandma and Papa, we were able to really engage and connect with Matthew and Caroline.
I will cherish the memories we made this week, tear up I am sure when looking over the photos at what fun it was and long for everyday to be that special.
Hopefully, I will process it all, remember that just like when I was climbing the dune, its one step at a time. Sometimes we get tired and want to just stay on the lower part of the dune..but if we keep plugging away..the view from the top is amazing and well worth every sandy, sweaty step!

Children go where I send thee..

Well how shall I send thee? Remember that song? For some reason those two lines have been stuck in my mind in relation to what the future holds for us Simpsons. There are alot of things up in the air right now. We're thinking about making some changes but are fortunate enough that we don't have to make any big decisions right away. Jeff is wondering about his job security and when considering his possibilites it seems that Michigan may not be our forever home. As anyone who lives here knows, its a tough time to be living or trying to make a living I should say!
So we're seeking God, praying, not being hasty. Cleaning out things, painting things, preparing our home for sale if need be. Praying some more, sharpening resumes, getting advice and wondering where would we like to be next? Then asking God,"Where do you want us God?", freaking out( me, not Jeff) and then praying the anxiousness away.
We love living in Kalamazoo and it would be lovely to stay. But, we realize that as children and servants of God, this may not be where God wants us. We also know that if we seek and follow his will..it will all be ok and he will work out every little detail.
So, if your so inclined, join us in praying for God to reveal His plans for the Simpsons in the coming months.
In other news, our church FINALLY has a new pastor! Super, duper excited about this. Its been awhile and I am excited to see what the Pastor Swank and his family will bring to LCC.
Getting ready to head up to Silver Lake in a few days. I may blog from there, as I will have access to a laptop!

Ahhh

Couldn't really think of a better title so I went with "Ahhh". That is how I am feeling these days. Waay less stressed and more content. The kids are enjoying the summer and the lack of schedules to keep. Matthew and Caroline have both had swim lessons. In a few weeks were making our trek up to Silver Lake for our annual family vacation with Jeff's side of the family. We're leaving little Ellie Bellie with my mom this year. She still naps twice a day and honestly there isn't much room for her. Does that sound terrible:) We are confident all of us will have more fun..including little Belle. I think I will miss her terribly. A whole week without her! After we return Matthew goes to the Nature Center for a camp for a week and then Camp Grandma in August. All of our weekends are jammed packed practically between activities, pool parties, and my working every other weekend.
Speaking of working, I submitted another resume for a juvenile probation officer job for the county. I worked on my resume and am hopeful and prayerful that I at least get an interview. We will see!
We found out that Matthew will be going to Young Fives in the morning in the fall. At first I was bummed about this but am now embracing it. One of the issues we had last year was on his preschool days he would get going with his day and hated stopping to go to dreaded school. This way, with him going in the am, he will have it first thing and hopefully that will mean less arguments. Plus, with Caroline going T/TH pm, it will give us some alone time!
What else?? Not alot! On a unrelated note..keep Sam and his blood pressure in your prayers. He has been struggling with chronic hypertension and its stressing his parents and all of us who love him out. Its not a typical issue for Hypoplastic babies so the doctors are kind of stumped! We know our God can conquer anything so we just continue to ask and plead on his behalf!
Hope your enjoying you summer as much as us!!

Heaven Stands...

I was listening to a new song I have fallen in love with recently and thinking to myself, "These words really remind me of someone who needs to cling to God through an awful time." I know I should never think like that, for it never fails to come true. Literally five minutes after thinking this I found an email in my inbox from Matthew's preschool teacher with the horrible news that his classmate from this past year's class,had drowned on Saturday.
Words can't even begin to describe the horrid pit of sadness that is so very deep within me these past few days. John was a dear,little soul. He was quiet, unassuming, as far as my contact with him went. He was one of six children and his mother had his littlest sibling, a sister, Christina only a day before Ellie was born. We almost always came into school at the same time, almost always running late, smiling at each other with that knowing mother glance of "Yep..late again!"
One day in particular as John was putting his coat in his locker,he stuck his foot, with what was obvious to be a new pair of shoes on it and he had this huge smile. I asked them if they were new and he just shook his yet with unspeakable joy on his face. The couple of times that I helped in Matthew's class, I would observe how nicely John played by himself, he seemed to have an amazing imagination and would kind of tune out the other kids. I joked with the teacher that he proabably liked the peace of being at school and playing whatever he wanted with lots of siblings at home.
I know John is in heaven. I know this. But my mother's heart knows that no matter how great we KNOW heaven WILL be..its not where we are and its so fundamentally against everything in our HUMAN nature to bury our dear, sweet lovely children.
Its times like this that make me ache for Christ to come back. I can't fathom what his parents must be enduring. So again, I do the only thing I can..to cry out to God to pour His grace,compassion and love on them. To thank him for what he did for all of us so that we know that ONE DAY HE WILL SET ALL THINGS RIGHT.
When you walked upon the Earth, you healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands
Your hands that shaped the world, are holding me, are holding me still...strong>These are some of the lyrcis to JJ Heller's Heaven Stands. If your heart is heavy..go,listen...and hopefully find the same peace I am in knowing that YOU NEVER have to leave His hands...

Girls Weekend

Today at noon I am leaving for a whole weekend with some great girlfriends in South Haven. We have been doing this every summer for about ten years now!! We all met through our husbands and I have to say I can't imagine my life without these women or this group. Since the "guys" originally met in highschool at Portage Northern, somehow the nickname "Portage Posse" started. We often refer to ourselves as the posse or posse wives or whatever applies on that particular day. There are over a dozen couples and almost thirty kids between us now.
Although I am so excited for some rest and relaxation, my heart is heavy. One of our good friends from this group's dad is dying of cancer. The doctors have just given him weeks to live, so two of the girl's (his daughter and daughter in law) obviously won't be coming and for what they are all enduring we are all so sorry. Their dad, Dick, has also been a huge party of our "posse". Coming to our parties, tailgates, weddings, etc. He has been a father figure to Jeff and several of the other guys who didn't have dads growing up. I pray his journey from this world to the next is as pain free as possible and for peace for all of them.
Its seems again, as of late, that there is just a lot of yucko news out there. Instead of getting bogged down in it all,I am trying to just pray through it all and learn and grow through it all.

Five,three and nine months

Today is Ellie's nine month birthday..wow time flies! It certainly didn't feel like her gestation went by that fast:) In honor of this, I have decided to do a kid update. I haven't done one in awhile and I love looking back at my posts about what the kids are up to. Right now Caroline is saying in her husky little voice, "Stop doing that momma!" meaning me typing...so we will see how far I get:)
We will start with the oldest, Matthew, recently turned five and getting older and wiser with every passing day. Sometimes this makes me happy, as he is a great big brother and help to me. But other days it makes me miss the days when he was just a little guy. His maturity also helps remind me that kids do grow out of phases and that the things that drive you crazy beyond belief pass away. He loves playing outside and hates eveything to do with school..good thing its summer. He has become our night owl. He still loves a good snuggle with his mommy. He adores his cousin Derek and cherishes time spent with him. He can be very passionate and impulsive. Determined when he puts his mind to something. I love him dearly.
Caroline is three and a half. Still a challenge but still holds a special place right in the middle of my heart. Thanks to speech therapy, her speech skills have greatly improved in the last six months. Especially her language skills. She is a repeater which can get Jeff and I into trouble:( While she does have an attitude lots of times, her great determination serves her well in accomplishing her goals. Caroline is the master of many skills Matthew still could care less to do, like dressing herself, putting on her shoes, getting herself food, riding a tricycle and peddling it. We are still working on channeling her passion for good but I think we will all make it!!
Elizabeth or Ellie, is still a dear little soul. Laid back, with crazy curly hair and mesmerizing blue eyes she continues to be my sunshine. A little delayed in the gross motor dept, she went to physical therapy dept and has made great strides in the last month. She can now roll and sit and really wants to crawl. She seems to be following her brother and sister's lead with all or nothing. She adores her siblings and kicks ferociously when she sees anyone she loves. She sleeps, she eats,she plays.
ALthough I have written before that my kids tend to drive me to the brink of insanity, as I read over this post I am humbled and greatful. I have spent several minutes reading Caringbridge pages about kids who have cancer, have suffered strokes due to open hear surgery and of course baby Sam. I thank God for the health of my children and for the mundaneness of the little irriation that every child brings b/c so many mothers and fathers would do anything for that.