From this one place..

One of my favorite albums is Sara Groves "Fireflies and Songs". Every song is amazing and speaks to me in some way. The lyrics for the song, "From this one place" are as follows:

I was about to give up and that's no lie
cardinal landed outside my window
threw his head back and sang a song
so beautiful it made me cry

took me back to a childhood tree
full of birds and dreams

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

I don't know what's making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don't like to feel this way

take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

Lately I feel like I am living within the words of this song. With Sam's upcoming heart surgery upon him I am afraid I am letting the devil get the most of my thoughts. I wake up a lot at night lately almost paralyzed by my thoughts and struggle to get a grip through prayer and through Christ. Its like my mind is saying over and over, "But what if, but what if, but,but,but...." AAAGH! Insanity I tell you! The title is so fitting.."From this one place" and the lyrics, " I can't see very far, from this one moment I'm square in the dark. These are the things I will trust in my heart. You can see something else" Trust..in my heart..letting God take care of the something else. Oh yeah..how could I forgot I suck at that? :)
The reference to the window seat and the clouds beneath my feet sound delicious to me right about now. Imagining a world without worry. To truly NOT be anxious about anything but instead giving it all over to God. I have no problem doing that with others but when it comes to Sammy boy..I get really scared.
Thankfully, I am able to get my wits about me, even in the midst of the night and whisper verses and prayers up to my God who knows all of this about me and Sam and all of my other worries both big and small. The God I DO trust with ALL of my heart because I know HE can see something else..
Now...go and listen and download Sara and her amazing cd..I promise, you won't be disappointed..
Happy Listening..

Bike ride with God!

I first read this poem many moons ago it seems. When I first became a Christian. It was in a book about servanthood that I read one night after the kids I was babysitting went to bed. By the way those kids are now in college! One of them is serving the Lord in Thailand right now!! Anyways..its always stuck with me. How wonderful it is to have Christ in control but also how scary sometimes. As I continue to explore what servanthood means in my life I find myself reading this over and over and remind myself just to keep PEDALING! HE will take care of the rest...


When I first met Christ
It seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
But it was a tandem bike,
And I noticed that Christ
Was in the back helping me pedal.


I don't know just when it was that
He suggested we change places,
But life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way,
It was rather boring, but predictable...
It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts,
Up mountains, and through rocky places,
At breakneck speeds,
It was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,

He said,
"Pedal"


I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
And I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life
And entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed.
Gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
They're extra baggage, too much weight."

So I did, I gave them to the people we met,
And I found that in giving I received,
And still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, In control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
But He knows bike secrets,
Knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
Knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
Knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up
and pedal in the strangest places,
And I'm beginning to enjoy the view
And the cool breeze on my face
With my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says...


"Pedal."

Squeaky the sickie..

Caroline's nickname from about the second day of her life has been "Squeaky". She was a very noisy baby, always "squeaking" and so one day Jeff called her that and four and a half years later its stuck. We call her Squeaky or Squeak nearly 80% of the time. I know someday soon she will demand that we not call her that.
Anywhoo..Caroline has,by far, the most medical issues of our three children. It all began when she was first born and had horrible skin and eczema. Then when she was nine months old she developed a pretty severe lazy eye. Upon further examination by an opthomologist it was determined that she was also severely far sighted. So at fifteen months, Caroline started wearing glasses. At 18 months we discovered that she has a severe peanut and egg allergy. She has always been intolerant of milk too.
Last Spring we had our first experience with asthma and this winter its been HORRIBLE for her. I can't remember many days when she hasn't been coughing. She weezes much of the time as well. We have taken all of this in stride because quite frankly in the grand scheme of things when you know kids that are battling cancer and severe heart defects your not too upset by things like asthma and glasses.
But these past weeks Caroline has complained of stomach pains and leg pain and keeps getting low grade fevers in the evening/night time. I took her to the ped for the regular checks of ear infection, strep, urinary tract infection, all of which were negative. So then the doctor ordered some blood tests and a chest and abdominal x ray to see if we could figure out a reason for the strange symptoms.
For those of you who haven't met Caroline, there is no way to possibly explain the hell it was to get her blood drawn not once but TWICE!! The first time the lady just plain sucked and so the next day her daddy took her back for another and thankfully more successful draw. The nurse called me on Friday to say that the doctor wanted to add more tests b/c she had only gotten two of the first draw back and they were abnormal and that something on the abdominal xray were off as well. Talk about freaking a mommy out! I spent all day worrying that Caroline had something very wrong. Then at 6p.m. another nurse calls me back to say that her CBC(complete blood count) came back and it was normal but the other tests weren't back yet. When I asked about the x rays the nurse, who wasn't the original one I had spoken with said," Oh, its says nothing about an x ray here so it must have been nothing!" I could have screamed!! I feel like the first nurse freaked me out for nothing!
We still have to wait on the blood tests to determine that all is well in the grand scheme of major things being wrong. But I still feel there is so much we could be doing to help Caroline live a more healthy life. I have a friend whose son struggles with some of the same issues and has begun a special diet. I plan on talking to her and the doctor and in May a pulmonologist. Hopefully, we can get all of these issues undercontrol.

Immeasurably more..

I LOVE the following verse in Ephesians. I think its my favorite Bible verse for a couple of reasons. One, it speaks to the very human, fleshy part of me that is scared of all the crap that can happen in a lifetime of living. I am working on giving that part of myself fully over to God because it clearly keeps me from having a deeper more meaningful relationship with Him. I know that until I TRUST Him fully with ALL of my life, I will never have the close communion that I so desire.
Secondly, I love this verse because it speaks to my favorite part of faith..OPTIMISM, HOPE and GRACE. I believe that God wants the best for me and is more than capable of doing immeasurably more in EVERY situation. The thing that I sometimes fail to get is HOW He does it. If I pray for someone who is ill and they die, does that mean He didn't do immeasurably more? No. It seems sometimes my IMMEASURABLY more and God's IMMEASURABLY more aren't the same. Do I trust His plan? Yes. Is it hard to not know all there is to know when you or someone you love is going through valleys in life..YES! Can I continue to ask God to do immeasurably more in the obvious ways..Yes! Sometimes I can't wait to get to heaven b/c I have sooooo many questions about this kind of stuff. Of course I know when I get there all these questions will seem trivial and all I will really be thinking is.."I am in Heaven..ROCK on!!" :)
I am praying for immeasurably more for Sweet Sam, who is scheduled to have his THIRD open heart surgery on April 19th. Please, if you share my faith and pray..lift this dear little lad and his awesome family up to the Lord. That immeasurably more would occur,that is would be a succesful surgery. For peace for his mommy and daddy and loads of other people who love him so very much. Also pray for a fellow MOPS mommy whose sweet little daughter is facing a 5th open heart surgery tomorrow despite the fact that she is only 2 months old! Pray for wisdom for her surgeon(who just happens to be Sam's too!)
Thanks...



Ephesians 3:20 (New International Version, ©2011)

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

Complacent

I fear I have become just that..complacent. Last night at church we had a banquet to kick off in a sorts, a campaign to raise $170,000 for missions in our church and community. First of all can I say again how much I love our new pastor and his passion for what the LORD wants for our church! Ever since I read Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love" I have felt very convicted about certain things. One of them being that I strongly feel God has little tolerance for people whose only goals in life are to get,get,get. I have spoken to this before on my blog. God doesn't give a crap about your house or your car or your clothes! He does care about YOU caring more about those things than those around us who desperatly need HIM.
The thing is I know this but little in my life has changed to reflect this. I still buy things I don't need. I still covet things others have. My dreams sadly reflect those of a person with self-serving ambitions.
As Jeff and I left the church and discussed what we heard and saw the conversation inevitably came to the ulitmate point of the night.."How much are we willing to give?" Money. Yuck. I fully admit to really stinking when it comes to sacrifice. I am all about talking a great game about it but in the end, almost 90% of the time when the going gets tough and I am truly being faced with sacrificing..I find a way out.
But here's the thing. I really haven't found a way out. Because of my choices to do what I want instead of what GOD wants I have done nothing to bring glory to God or his kingdom. No souls will be won if I continue to live a life of complacency.
Certainly when I die I don't want to hear God say to me, "Wow. You really dropped the ball. There is so much I could have accomplished if you would have only let me."
I feel like for the past year or so I have basically just been drifting in my walk. Not growing, not leading, not changing the hearts of those around me who need the salvation of Christ. I need to pray about how to change that. I am certain simply cutting a check each month isn't going to "cut" it. More is required and expected of me from this great God I am priveledged to serve.
I have got some serious soul searching to do. I just hope I get my act together this time!

Are you serious..

I was going to title this post something different but thought I best not swear in the blog title! We have been through the ringer over here wtih sickness. I talked about Ellie's bout with the stomach flu on Valentine's Day. She was victim number 2. Caroline puked a week before Ellie. Then Ellie got it and the next day she came down with a nasty case of RSV. Then Caroline and Matthew got bronchitis, sinus infections and ear infections with high fevers for nearly five days thrown in for good measure. Just when I think no one else could possibly get sick..they do. I am weary on many levels. Weary of constantly tending to a puking little one, disinfecting like crazy in hopes that it doesn't spread. Weary of sleeping like crap because one or more of the kids is waking up to have me tend to whatever need they have. Weary of Matthew having missed nine days of school. Weary of doctor appointments and co pays and prescription cost. Weary of my own schedule being completly thrown to the wayside over the last month. Weary that my gym schedule and all I have accomplished with that being disrupted.
But then I read about Kate McCrae who is facing discouraging news in her battle with brain cancer. Or of another friend's baby from MOPS who had heart surgery over a month ago and is still hospitalized almost six weeks later with many complications. I am grateful for kids who have minor illnesses that they will recover from. That I can make it all better with a hug or a antibiodic or just some time.
Yes, this past month has really stunk. But it could be much worse.
We're just praying that the sickie germs that have invaded our home are gone for good soon and that Spring will show its glorious face soon! I saw on a marquee for a local florist the following blerb,"Winter makes you appreciate Spring" Can I get an AMEN!!?
Hoping you and yours are healthier than the Simpson clan!!

Because my heart is HIS home..

Matthew is nearly six. First of all can I say I hardly can believe that. It seems like just the other day that I laid my eyes on that sweet little bundle of joy:) Matthew has mellowed over this past year. The child who once could drive me absolutly bonkers has become one of my favorite companions. He is thoughtful and easy going. An amazingly helpful, wonderful big brother! He is also my deep thinker. He has lamented to me several times this year about how he wishes he could go to a Christian elementary school. I have explained to him that right now we can't swing it but it is our desire for him to go to a Christian school one day. Another area in which we have spent quite alot of time discussing it about how God cares more about your insides rather than how you look or how you dress. Over the summer and Fall both Matthew and Caroline talked alot about who was fat or skinny. This kind of talk makes my blood boil. Having struggled with my weight my entire life, I want to firmly instill in my children's hearts that the way you LOOK certainly doesn't tell a person's entire story. I also want my children to be defenders of those who others are quick to judge. It is a lesson they have learned well so far because if they even think about saying something in regards to someone being overweight they will quickly add, "But God only cares about your heart, right mommy?"
So yesterday Matthew is just sitting on the couch seemingly minding his own business when he says to me, " Mommy, you know why God cares so much about my heart?" To which I said, " No, why honey?" " Because my heart is HIS home now. That is where He lives, not on the outside."
Amen brother! Grateful for one tiny lesson that seems be routed in that gorgeous little heart of his!

Learn the love language DUDE!

I have never fully read the Love Language book. But, I have been to countless MOPS sessions on it. I would say, without a doubt I responded favorably to gifts and words of affirmation. I like BIG gifts like IPADS,IPHONES, MACbooks..ok..all things MAC. However, a ten dollar box of coffee or even a ten dollar Biggby giftcard will get this girl pretty darn excited! Unfortunatly, my hubbie, after being with me for TWELVE years, eight of which he has been my husband, has SUCKED at coming though on this. I blame the accountant in him. He is such a money man. Always thinking of that damn budget. So this year at Christmas I had him tell me what he WOULD get me if the BUDGET was not an issue. He rattled off several things I have my eye on and I will say it provided me much satisfaction in knowing at least he listens when I talk:)
So for Valentines Day he told me that I wasn't getting anything but that he would get me a card. I got him a hilarious card by the way and some small trinkets. Because that's how I roll..nicely and thoughtfully:) (and humbly too!) I did have a major meltdown of sorts on Friday night and went to blowoff some steam by soaking my narsty winterized feet in the local nail shop for a spa pedicure. So, techinically that may qualify as a Valentine present. I argue not b/c I think Jeff knew if I didn't get one tiny morsel of me time I may have never returned home..but I will say that it was nice to get out and have my feet all dolled up! The weekend came and went, with me working at my job which I am not at all that fond of. I wake up Monday morning all ready to take Matthew and the awesome cake pops I made to his Valentine Party at school when I enter Ellie's bedroom to find her and her crib, bedding,etc COVERED IN ..wait for it...PUKE! Happy Valentine's day to me! I spent the next eight hours helping a 17 month old puke into towels, washing the towels, trying to distract the 17 month old from wanting to eat and drink, which she desperatly wanted to do. It sucked..BIG time..I realize more for Ellie in the end than for her bratty mommy. As the day went on I became more and more resentful of the lack of gift and card for that matter. I knew he didn't have one and now with Ellie puking the last thing I wanted was a late arrival home. Then I stared puking. Seriously, could it get any worse? Don't answer that, I know. Yes, it could. So, I started talking myself out of my downward spiral of self pity and thought of all the awesome things there are about Jeff. One of which is him coming home early yesterday and rescuing me from Ellie so I could puke in peace:) I rallied quickly and made the huge mistake of going on FB to see what everyone else's was up to while I was catching puke all day. BIG MISTAKE..HUGE! I kept seeing all these posts about flowers, candy, dinners out, gifts, etc. I then did something I try not to do on FB and trashed my hubbie.
Then, not five minutes later, as I took my weary, cardless and giftless self to bed I found it. A hand typed note of 10 things Jeff loves about me. Sweetest thing ever. I went up to him to hug him and he quickly backed away..and said, " Thanks..I will take a raincheck pukey!" Love that guy!
Hope your Valentine's Day was awesome and vomit free!

Covet not

I admit it..I have a huge problem with coveting! Before you get the wrong idea, not about other people's hubbies!:) But of their lifestyles. Its very easy for me to get wrapped up in what I assume is the lovely lifesyle of those I know, or some cases don't even know! Usually, ok ALWAYS its because they have more money than me and I think if I had more that I would be blissfully happy. This is a load of crap for more reasons than I could ever blog about. Earlier this year in BSF(Bible study fellowship) our lecturer talked about how sometimes God protects us from certain things b/c basically He knows we just can't handle it. I think this is definitely true in regards to me and MONEY. I like to think that if I was a cajillionaire that I would be so giving, so unchanged by it. That I would still be the same. I think that might be true in many ways but I think I certainly would get caught up in it all.
Lately, though, my coveting has taken me to a place that I fear God is NOT at all understanding about. Lately, when I think of what I don't have, I get kinda sad and "Poor me" about it. You know what I think God thinks when HE hears it.." You think your sad now Suzie Q.. you better shape up pronto or I WILL get your priorites in line!" I think it downright ANGERS God to no end to hear me think like this.
The other night I was feeling blue and simultaneously urged to go to my BSF lesson, to open my Bible and get right with God! I am sure you will be shocked to know that I did indeed straighten up and fly right:)
In my defense, I think b/c money always seems tight for us in one way or another( insert that this is do to some BAD money choices made by me and Jeff) that it seems like money would solve alot of issues.
But, as a friend who has much money but not also alot of lonliness alluded to the other day..ITS NOT EVERYTHING!
What do I take from all this coveting and money crap..Always go to God and HIS truth when your blue. HE will have you seeing rainbows soon enough:)

What I would do with a kidless day

For some reason I have been thinking about this alot lately. Remembering when I had lots of kidless days and what I did with it. I have to say that I am a huge advocate for "sowing your oats" before you have kids kind of girl. Because, lets face it, once that kidless ship has sailed, its SAILED. And your left holding a rubber ducky :) Anyways..this is what I would do. I broke it down based on seasons b/c of course that would change my agenda..

FALL:
Grab a crap load of freshly baked apple cider donuts from a cider mill and take a long drive up North to enjoy some fall foilage. Listening to MY music (no kids bop)

WINTER:
Curl up with a fabulous book and an endless amount of steaming hot Constant Comment or Republic of Teas Ginger Peach tea. Read my book, fireside, tea in hand, napping intermitently.

SPRING:
Drive up to the Detroit area, this time I would have to plan my route with Biggby's coffee stops so I could have endless amounts of cafe ole's made my way ( which ever flavored coffee sounds tasty that day, with equal proportions of cream and skim milk steamed in) YUM. A. ROO.
Once there I would shop with NO BUDGET for a new spring wardrobe. It would certainly include an amazing pair of Tori Berch flats. On my way home I would detour through Ann Arbor and stock up at Trader Joe's. Again, NO BUDGET!

SUMMER:
Pack a delightful book,my swimsuit from my Spring shopping spree, grab a HUGE coke from SONIC with my fav bally ice and throw in some tater tots from there for good measure:) and head to South Haven for a day of sunning, reading, and ice chewing.

Ahhh..I feel better. If even just to dream a little dream.

A new habit...

I read somewhere that if you do something consistently for 21 days it becomes a habit. I suppose you could intentionally do something not so good for you and see if this is true. I am sure I have unintentionally have done lots of bad things and never even realized it. But, I picked working out for a new, good habit! Over the last 30 days I have worked out almost 25 of them. Its been so much fun. I joined a gym that a lot of people I know go to. Some are new friends, some are aquaintances, some are tried and true known forever friends. ALL have been encouraging. The classes the gym offers are AWESOME. Plus its been really rewarding to be able to complete the classes. Even if I can't always do every move or every minute at high intensity, I can finish and I am seeing improvement with each passing day. I am able to push myself more and more. I am becoming one of those people who doesn't want to miss working out. The kind that feels like something is missing if I miss it. I am loving feeling that combo of sweaty and exhausted at the end of a class and knowing I gave 100%.
Has the scale moved dramatically? NO! But, I feel stronger, look a wee bit trimer and feel proud of myself. I realize its only been 30 days and with my track record it could all fall to the wayside with a sick kid throwing me off my game. But I am trying to stay focused and determined to keep it up. Jeff and I are going to a wedding in Vermont in June. That is my "goal", to look awesome and buy something that I would normally loathe buying..A DRESS! I hate dresses, always have. So looking good in one would be a great reward for all the hardwork it takes to get your butt and your three kids up and dressed and fed and to the gym on any given day.
What I wouldn't give for all those years I wasted as a single gal, or a married gal with no kids, when really..I had all the TIME in the world. Oh well, you know what they say about HINDSIGHT!?
Hoping your New Years Resolutions are going gymingly!:) hee

Chocolate milk that doesn't need to be cooked..

In Matthew speak this means, chocolate milk already made in the container. He has been calling it this forever. It is so cute! But I know that one day I will forget it no matter how cute it is now. I can never imagine forgetting the way Ellie points her chubby little finger and says, "This!" or Caroline in her angriest voice saying, "I not you best friend anymore!" or when we leave any Bible study or church event and I ask her what she learned about she says, "Jesus and God." Every. Single. Time. For the past month when I ask Matthew what he learned in school he says, " I am not telling you till 100 days." Whatever. Matthew also claims he will NEVER live away from us. I guarentee that I won't forget that b/c I plan on throwing that right back in his face when he "hates" us for not letting him do this, that or the other thing when he is 18.
More seriously, Matthew gets really worried that if he acts naughty that we won't "love" him anymore. To which I reassure him time and again that there is nothing he could do to lose our love for him. We do throw in that there are many, many, things he does that make us disapointed in him. And suddenly I can hear my own mother's word coming forth. Caroline worries that "no one wikes me at BSF. They not want to sit with me." And so the early lessons of rejection and how to deal are born.
It seems like forever and a day away that my children will be 18,17 and 14 but yet I know it will seem like its here in a blink of an eye. So, I will write it down so even when I forget, I can read it all here and smile and most likely have a good cry!

Is Marriage hard work?

So I think I have mentioned that I read the blog by Mckmama. There is all sorts of drama surrounding her blog as of late. About various issues. But,the topic today got my attention. In it Jennifer, the author of the blog states that she thinks marriage is really hard work. Now is that so awful? I think not. But,man, did she open the floodgates of criticism. She had over 160 comments about how people didn't think it was work. Granted,I think people are more or less irritated by her than her views on marriage. But it got me wondering what my answer to this question is? I would say in no uncertain terms...ABSOLUTLY! I actually can't believe anyone who has been married for more than thirty days would say otherwise. Does that mean that its not fun, rewarding, awesome? Again, I think not. I have been married for nearly eight years. Its been a great ride thus far. But, with three little ones underfoot and often driving us crazy, it can be hard work not to lose your cool with the one person who knows you best. Gone, for what seems like forever, are the days of just being with each other. There are so many things to do, worries, stress that can bog us down. And Jeff and I don't even have any major stessors like illness or unemployment. WE have been incredibly blessed these past seven and a half years and yet..its hard work.
So, is marriage hard work to you? Damn you people...COMMENT:) Or as Caroline says, I will be weally super mad!" Not really but I would like to know others thoughts on this...

Blah hum bug

Christmas is over. But my house is still decorated. Santa has come and it looks like Toys R Us threw up all over our house. There is crap everywhere and its making me one grumpy mama! Part of me wants to take care of it all right now. But the rational part of me realizes that this will be much better suited for a day when Daddy is home. Jeff is off Thursday-Sunday of this week so I must wait until then to accomplish my goals!
I am weary of 2010. I really want 2011 to come. Not that 2010 was bad. It was fine. But I am excited for what 2011 will bring our family. Will it bring me to Western to get my MSW? Will it bring Jeff a new job? What blessings will God grant us this year? I hope in 2011 to see God daily and to be grateful to him, daily. To seek Him before I do anything. To start and end my day with Him in my mind. I think if I actually accomplish this goal I will be able to pretty much accomplish anything. I stink at it though. Again and again I set this as a goal and again and again I fail.
I joined a new gym and so far, a week in, I am motivated. I am still down 110 pounds from my all time high weight from 3 years ago when I had gastric bypass. I am celebrating that. Instead of dwelling on the 25 pounds I have gained since being pregnant with Ellie. 110 pounds is still pretty damn good. Now I want to be in awesome shape. I want to push my body harder than its ever been pushed before. Ok, I also wouldn't mind looking great in a pair of size 10 jeans. I don't think I have worn size ten since...lets just say a long, long time!
I want to enjoy my kids more in 2011. Be annoyed less. I want to spend time with people who add something positive to my life. I have had it with people who you can't count on and with the "Debbie Downers" of the world. Life is too short to be like that. Thankfully,I am blessed with lots of positive, inspiring people.
I love the start of something new. There is so much possiblility in it. 2011 can be anything I want it to be in my mind.I just hope my body follows through!
Happy New Year!

John 3:16

That verse is the header of this year's Simpson Christmas card. I looked through several different photo cards, on several different sites, before deciding on this one. Why? Because I am celebrating and rejoicing in the birth of our Lord and Savior. I am not celebrating Kwanza, Hanukah,the Holidays or anything else. I do not believe in them. I believe in Christ. I believe that GOD so loved the WORLD that he gave his ONLY SON that whoever believes in HIM shall NOT PERISH but have ETERNAL life!
Go ahead, disagree. Through my study of Isaiah this year in BSF, one thing I have learned is to be BOLD in my faith. We only have one life to get this right. I have many things to change and do to become more steadfast in my faith. But I am beginning it with my Christmas card. I would love it if everyone who opens it thinks, "Wow, the Simpsons went really religious this year. " I would love it even more if they thought, " Wow, Christ came for me! God gave me HIS only SON!"
I am not nieve to think that a card alone will do it for most people. I think probably its more likely that if they see Christ living in me, they will maybe wonder what the difference is in my life. If I step out of my comfort zone daily and do things like share my faith, invite others to church, speak thoughtfully, live purposefully that it will say more than a Christmas card ever could.
Studying Isaiah has taught me, so far, that we are held to a very high standard as Christians. That God expects much of His people. That we fall horridly short. But, that through the grace and the glorious gift of HIS SON, we all can be redeemed and indeed live eternally with Him. His gift is ours for the taking..
Merry CHRISTmas!

Following through..

I suck at it. I am the queen of starting things and then giving up or giving in or just forgetting it. I am working on changing this but you know what they say, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." It seems to be deeply imbedded in me. One thing in which I have been successful is blogging. This month marks the 6th anniversary of my blog. I feel like I am one of the few left to continue to blog. I still enjoy it. I love looking back and reading about where we have been and how God has brought us through and especially reading back on the kids. Its amazing how quickly one can forget things that at the time seem like they are so unforgettable!
I haven't had comments in a long time, so part of me wonders if anyone even checks out blogs anymore? Perhaps not. It seems like in the age of Facebook people are content with simply knowing someones status update alone. Not me, I miss knowing more about people. More about their struggles. More about what I can pray for and more about the generalities of life. Oh well. Can't make people blog can you!
So what is new around here? Caroline continues to struggle with her asthma and is now on breathing treatments twice a day...yuck! We had a nice Thanksgiving and are in full swing of all things Christmas. The kids are at a great age for enjoying and getting the meaning of Christmas. Jeff found out last week that he will NOT be losing his job..a great praise. So, our plan for moving may be temporarily on hold. The new plan is for me to get my MSW from Western Michigan and then move on. Here is where the not following through could really be a negative. Not following through doesn't lead to 1( getting into grad school or 2) being successful in it! I am in the midst of applying so we will see.
I have been really feeling scattered lately. Missing meetings, forgetting things at home, serious absentmindness. I was telling Jaime this and she said that at BSF lecture this week our leader spoke specifically about this. That how when we don't pray for God's will to be done and for Him to lead us each day He does this to get our attentions to seek HIM! So, for the past few days I have done this and its going much better.
One question...Do you out there still read? If so, let me know..

Turkey Day Top Ten

So here it is..my Top Ten things I am thankful for this year. Some weird, some funny, some serious, some sad and of course some random or it wouldn't be me!

10. Frivilous t.v. shows like "The Big C", "Dexter","Modern Family".
9. Ice from Sam's Club or better yet from "Sonic" small and bally..is that word? and almost chewy..delish! Don't tell but I may have paid 16 cents for a cup of said ice before!
8. Ellie's little walking waddle. Its almost the last babysish thing left of our last babe and I love it.
7. Caroline's infectious laugh..
6. Praying for miracles like Kate McCrae's MRI to go well and for Sam's heart cath to go good and presto..its done.
5. Bible Study Fellowship. Sure, studying Isaiah is scaring the crap out of me but isn't that the point?
4. Matthew always saying loud as can be when he gets out of the van at drop of "I love you momma" those days are nearly over I fear.
3. After twelve years together and almost eight years of marriage, I still love my husband deeply and feel like I was granted a wish by marrying him.
2. That we all have our health. I have realized more this past year that it is a great blesssing and fleeting.
1. Of course, Christ. Because if this list ceased to exist..HE wouldn't
Have a Blessed Thanksgiving. Eat turkey, watch football, shop, decorate but take many, many moments to PRAISE the biggest blessing of all!

Sweet Sam

Just a quick post to ask any of you who read this and pray to pray for our dear,sweet little neighbor and buddy Samuel Ekkens. He was born with hypoplastic heart 18months ago. He has already endured two open heart surgeries. Due to some complications from a narrowing in his aorta, Sam will be having a heart cath tomorrow and possibly his third, and final open heart surgery tomorrow. This came out of no where so his poor family is just overwhelmed. His mom Jaime, was suppose to have surgery herself tomorrow. Now, she finds herself preparing yet again for a surgery for Sam. We all know how serious this is. But we also know that our God is more than capable of sustaining Sam through this. He has so blessed Sam with "good results" in the last 18 months. We're just pleading for more for him.
I was able to watch him for about an hour today and am still amazed at how good he looks. That kid has so much spunk and determination. Full of personality. I love him dearly. I have often told Jaime that God definetly knew what he was doing when he put together his personality. He needs to have fight in him!
Praying that I get to chase him around again soon!!
Join me...

One big ball of a mess..

I have been talking to a therapist a few times of month since early Spring. I initally went b/c basically motherhood and its demands were flippin getting the best of me. I felt like I wasn't handling things well, I was edgy, moody, snappy, basically a joy to be around:) Just ask Jeff! Anyways, we worked on those issues initially and now have moved on to other topics. No worries, I won't delve into them here. By the way, for those readers who were able to catch my REDEMPTION post, you will see its been deleted. In case you were wondering what happened, I basically decided that for the most part this blog is journal of my mothering years. Not to say that I don't include antedotes about other stuff but I generally keep it to kids info. I guess the subject matter that was included in that post, I want to decide when to share it with Matthew, Caroline and Ellie. I plan to make this blog a book when I decide to stop so I guess I just edited some content!
Anywhoo..I was talking with the therapist about how its so interesting to me what we start to talk about and what we ended up talking about by the end. Talk about a cluster of ideas..good gravy. I have never stuck therapy out this long. All I have to say about it is that its not easy! I made the analogy that its like a ball of yarn you have that is a big, tangled mess and it just seems like your never going to untangle it. But, as she pointed out, if you don't it just get bigger and tighter and then your really stuck..literally. I think its helping me become a better me and in turn a better mommy and wife and friend, sister, etc. But sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say " I quit! Deal with it people!" Nice, real nice..
Unrelated to me, the kids are good. Matthew had his tonsills out..hellish nightmare that was! I am so glad its behind us. Ellie got hand,foot and mouth..hellish as well. Caroline has been struggling with asthma issues..wait, didn't I day we were fine?:) In the grand scheme of things..we are. We have no serious issues plaguing us. A new friend of mine recently lost her 12 day old baby to Trisonmy 18. I went to her memorial service and it was both the sweetest and saddest things I have been to. Once again, I was reminded how really when you lose what you hold dearest all you have is your Faith to cling to. And again I was amazed and bless to see grieving, hurting people not only clinging to God but also taking the opportunity to draw those that don't know Christ to Him through the power of the testimony of their journey with sweet Baby Josie.
Jeff and I are getting away this weekend to a bed and breakfast in Union Pier. We can't wait. To just have time to be together and do whatever we want, knowing the kids are having fun with the grandparents. Ellie is sick again right now so were praying she gets better! Poor little gal has had a rough month!
Lastly, due to some childcare issues, I am only working weekends at the Retirement home now. I will miss the oldies but goodies but am glad to be home with my little ones more.I now work every other Sat and Sun from 6am-3pm. For now. We're still praying and figuring out what the heck is in store for the Simpsons!
I think that is all for now. I plan of doing another Thanksgiving list next week...stay tuned..:)

Caroline is 4!

Lots of Birthday blogging going on.Caroline turned four last Tuesday with a family party at home. She celebrated with about nine friends, mostly neighbors, at the beginning of the month. Being four, she was all into getting presents and was given lots of Little Pet Shop stuff, princess stuff, Barbie, and of course Dora. She hasn't outgrown her love of Dora just yet. Considering her peanut and egg allergy, we made her friends "dirt" cupcakes complete with gummy worms.
Sometimes I can hardly believe its been four years since Sweet Caroline blessed our lives. She has really blossomed this summer. Transitioning from a toddler to a preschooler/little girl. She has become one of the gang with the neighbor kids and spent nearly every hour possible outside this summer keeping up with her big brother! Caroline is a wonderful big sister to Ellie. She loves her(sometimes too much) and is helpful at fetching things for me. Caroline goes to BSF with me on Tuesday and loves to learn about Jesus there. You will often catch Caroline singing little verses to various Bible songs. She is attending preschool for the first time and is having fun there as well. Caroline is trying out karate and its just about the most adorable thing you've ever seen!
Still wearing her glasses for her farsightedness and lazy eyes you can't miss Caroline with her cropped brown hair and baby browns in her glasses! She still receives speech once a week but has made great strides this summer.
Caroline knows what she likes and what she DOESN'T like which can make things interesting. She can throw a whopper of a tantrum but her desire to perservere serves her and b/c of this she is very determined. She can already color in the lines and picks up things very quickly. She has been dressing herself for a long while now.
Full of spunk and full of life. Caroline has taught me more about myself and my shortcomings more than any other person. Caroline is not easily won over or influenced. She knows, even at the tender age of 4, who she is. I pray that trait doesn't leave her and serves her well! I love my sweet little Caroline...Happy fourth birthday darling girl!

Ellie is one..

Well, technically she is thirteen months old now! I wanted to give a quick update about her since that is the reason I love blogging..to read back about the kids later! Ellie turned one last month with a family party at home. Staying true to her little personality, she quietly enjoyed her cake..never once digging in. It was if she knew this was good stuff and she wasn't about to waste it!
What a year its been with our last little one. Ellie continues to be sweet, loving and easy going. She started walking shortly after her birthday and looks so tiny toddling around. Considering she is a good five pounds behind where Matthew and Caroline were at this age, she seems too tiny and dainty to walk but walk she does. She is interacting more and more with the kids and adores her brother and sister. Its hilarious to watch her wrestle with them! Ellie is a great eater and we haven't found much she won't munch on. Especially meat sticks! Ellie loves her some meat sticks:) She is starting to get a little apprehensive with strangers and sometimes will cry if seperated from those she loves best! One of those people is Grandma Barb, with whom Ellie has a special little bond with. Chalk it up to last grandchild syndrome. Ellie loves books and will sit in a pile, quietly going through them for quite awhile. Finally, after three tries, we have a little one who DOESN'T ransack everything. She is quite content just to look and it isn't in her nature, at least yet, to destroy things:)
We have continously realized throughout this year, with the addition of Ellie, how sometimes in life, things aren't planned but that sometimes those surprises add so much to your life that you can't possibly imagine life without them!!
We love you Elizabeth Jane, Ellie Bellie, Belle, Ellie belly full of Jelly! This kid has alot of nicknames!!

The life you never knew you always wanted..

I just got back from visting my dear, sweet niece Jessica at GVSU. Caroline and I day tripped it up there to see where she lived and to do some shopping. Plus, Caroline and Jessica love each other and have a special little bond thing going so I thought it would be nice. I am trying to do something special with Matthew and Caroline every now and again. Today was squeaky's turn..
Anywhoo...
While there I saw all sorts of things. Typical campus life. Kids, yes, kids..when did college people turn into kids..I swear I looked older when I was twentyish but those students looked downright infantile!:) We passed by some houses that you knew just wreaked of stale beer and puke and then we passed lots of spiffy housing that defintely did NOT remind me of any of the nasty places I was proud to call home in my tenure at CMU and MSU. I thought of my times spent at college. Many of which were spent drinking to excess and doing things I am sure my mother hopes never to know of. Then I thought of Jessica and how boldly Christian she is living her life. She is very involved in Campus Ministries. She leads a small group, which if you know Jessica, you know that group speaking isn't exactly in her comfort zone. But she is just another example of how we can do ALL things through Christ!! She has continued to make good, solid, Christian friends who inspire and grow her! I admit it..I was jealous. What time I wasted. What could I have accomplished if I had traveled that road instead of the one paved with parties and drinking and all sorts of other sinfulness?! I will never know the impact I COULD have had for the KINGDOM of GOD.
I guess you live and learn. I can't have a DO over but I can DO more in the present. In the time I have now. I can do my very best to raise children who SEEK Christ and all the great things living a life for HIM has to offer. I can live an UNASHAMED, PASSIONATE, CRAZY kind of love way for this GOD of mine. The God who knows every last horrid thing I have ever done or thought or said and still waits for me to come back to Him again and again. Thank goodness for a GOD like that..

Get ready, get set..and....WAIT!

I blogged about potentially moving a few months ago. Since then nothing much has happened. Wait, that isn't totally true. Some changes have taken place. I am organzing and cleaning and goodwilling the crap out of our house. I have been so motivated these past few weeks, you'd think I was nesting. NO!!! I am not nesting in the knocked up sense:) But, I do have that same excitement and anxiousness that one feels when they are expecting a baby. Actually, the way you feel when your pregnant with your first baby and you have NO idea what to expect. That is pretty much how I feel.
People keep asking us, "Why?" "When?" "What will you do if your house sells and you don't know where you will go?" Usually I just shrug and basically avoid the answers. The truth is this, We feel led to do this. We are confident that if this is blessed by Christ, all these questions will eventually have answers. The only plan I have right this very minute is to earnestly pray and to get my house ready to list. If it sells quickly, quite frankly, in this market I would consider this a huge blessing and mighty answer to prayer. I am confident in Jeff and his abilities and have no worries about him getting a new job. We're still not sure what this will all mean a year or two from now. But we figure if there is no better place for our lives and our families future to be but right in God's!
As I read over this I don't want to seem like I am always super confident in all of this. Nope. It can be quite unsettleling to be unsettled. But its very settling to be in God's will for my life. That much I know to be true..

Out of the zone

What zone? My comfort zone. I have mentioned that our church recently got a new pastor. I can't tell you how much I am enjoying the changes he is bringing to our church. He is stretching us in ways we haven't seen!! One of the ways he did this most recently was with an excercise in forgiveness. He asked us if we could think of someone who we were feeling anger, frustration, rage against. Then explained how when we do this we carry that and the pain they've caused around with us. At the end of the service we had time to pray to release the pain and forgive the person. This could not have hit home more closely! I have had some disagreements with a women in my MOPS group in the recent weeks. I have really had it with her leadership style and was definetly harbouring some pretty intense dislike for her. After I prayed to forgive her for the way I have been being treated by her, I felt so much better..immediately. Do I still have to deal with her and the situation? Yes, but not with an angry heart.
Pastor Mark preached about Acts and living authentically. He spoke about how so often when we ask or are asked how we are we just respond in a non authentic way. But God wants us to be known and real. At the close of the service he asked us to break into small group of four or five and share a prayer request. Let me tell you that I thought Jeff was going to run for the hills...so not him!! But, we did it and it was awesome. We were with two couples in their late forties. They are in different seasons of their lives obviously, but we were connecting and being real and most importaingly..being KNOWN. I left church that day feeling better than I have in years.
Thank you God for bringing Pastor Swank to us and stretching us..can't wait for more!

I heart Jeff..

I wish I knew how to make the actual heart..but since I am horrid at anything to do with computers its just not happening. Something happened this morning that reminded me how much I love my husband. Prepare yourselves its random.
I worked both Saturday and Sunday from 6:30 to 3pm. I wasn't planning on the Sunday shift so needless to say, I was grouchy. Upon returning home Sunday afternoon,tired and grouchy, I saw Jeff's helmet in the driveway. Two thoughts went through my head. 1) Get out of the car and move it.
2) Drive over it and hope its clears.
No need to spend lots of time guessing, of course I picked option two. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that it DIDN'T clear it. In fact, I broke the heck out of it. But, being the grouchy, entitled person that I was, I justified it by thinking," Well, it should have been there in the first place. " Oh by the way, it was still lodge under Jeff's car. I just shrugged it off and went inside. Fast forward to this morning. Jeff leaves for work and about ten minutes later he calls me. He is MAD! Wondering how his helmet got wedged under his car and broken. He asks me how I didn't see it. I try crafting a spur of the moment reason, ok a lie. But since I am a horrid liar, he quickly catches me and starts laughing. He basically calls me out on my laziness. We both start laughing because I realize, once again,that he knows me like the back of my hand and therefore I can't get anything past him. After I hung up I thought, " I love him!" I love that he knows me and still likes me:) He has seen the good the bad and the ugly and still he loves me. I am so grateful for Jeff and all he brings to my life. So often I comment on how great he is as a father, which he is. But, being a good husband and a good dad aren't the same thing. Its important to be both. To not settle in our relationship but to continue to strive to know each other and love each other. Even when we're grouchy and lazy!!

Metaphors from the dune...

This past week we, Jeff, Matthew,Caroline and I(Ellie camped out with my parents in Chi town) went to Silver Lake for a week long vacation. I have to say, with serious enthusiasm that it was one of the best weeks I have had in a long time. Without the constraints that a baby can have on your schedule, life with our five and nearly four year old was nearly bliss. We spent the week lounging by the pool,swimming,jumping, reading books, playing with cousins, eating way too many marshmellows and chips and just generally enjoying life and each other.
I rediscovered both my children in ways I haven't either let myself or allowed myself to. I had such fun just being with those little monkeys. Whether it was racing around the racetrack at Craig's Cruisers with Caroline next to me screaming with such joy in her husky little voice, "Mommy, this is really super fun!" or just cuddling with my early risers on the couch in the morning. Having the time to observe how Matthew is really becoming a little man and how he's matured during this summer. Watching him master his swimming and diving skills.
But, perhaps,the greatest lesson I learned this week, happened one night when our whole family hit the dunes.We all climbed some big ones and if you want to see your children's personalities personified and highlighted..hit the dunes. There was Matthew, who runs into life head on, if he's into it and doesn't look back. Then there is Caroline, who with sheer bull headed determination gets to the top of that damn dune b/c by God she's got to!! I was so proud of her b/c I know it was hard for her but she just kept plugging away at it..one sandy step at a time. I just looked on and thought, "Atta girl!!"I discovered,and I am sad to admit this, just how much I love them both this week.
Sure, they drive me bonkers lots of times, but they bring me so much more joy than really one girl deserves. Watching them this week and really being able to have quality family time was such a blessing to both Jeff and I. Yes, we missed little Ellie, but knowing that she was fine with Grandma and Papa, we were able to really engage and connect with Matthew and Caroline.
I will cherish the memories we made this week, tear up I am sure when looking over the photos at what fun it was and long for everyday to be that special.
Hopefully, I will process it all, remember that just like when I was climbing the dune, its one step at a time. Sometimes we get tired and want to just stay on the lower part of the dune..but if we keep plugging away..the view from the top is amazing and well worth every sandy, sweaty step!

Children go where I send thee..

Well how shall I send thee? Remember that song? For some reason those two lines have been stuck in my mind in relation to what the future holds for us Simpsons. There are alot of things up in the air right now. We're thinking about making some changes but are fortunate enough that we don't have to make any big decisions right away. Jeff is wondering about his job security and when considering his possibilites it seems that Michigan may not be our forever home. As anyone who lives here knows, its a tough time to be living or trying to make a living I should say!
So we're seeking God, praying, not being hasty. Cleaning out things, painting things, preparing our home for sale if need be. Praying some more, sharpening resumes, getting advice and wondering where would we like to be next? Then asking God,"Where do you want us God?", freaking out( me, not Jeff) and then praying the anxiousness away.
We love living in Kalamazoo and it would be lovely to stay. But, we realize that as children and servants of God, this may not be where God wants us. We also know that if we seek and follow his will..it will all be ok and he will work out every little detail.
So, if your so inclined, join us in praying for God to reveal His plans for the Simpsons in the coming months.
In other news, our church FINALLY has a new pastor! Super, duper excited about this. Its been awhile and I am excited to see what the Pastor Swank and his family will bring to LCC.
Getting ready to head up to Silver Lake in a few days. I may blog from there, as I will have access to a laptop!

Ahhh

Couldn't really think of a better title so I went with "Ahhh". That is how I am feeling these days. Waay less stressed and more content. The kids are enjoying the summer and the lack of schedules to keep. Matthew and Caroline have both had swim lessons. In a few weeks were making our trek up to Silver Lake for our annual family vacation with Jeff's side of the family. We're leaving little Ellie Bellie with my mom this year. She still naps twice a day and honestly there isn't much room for her. Does that sound terrible:) We are confident all of us will have more fun..including little Belle. I think I will miss her terribly. A whole week without her! After we return Matthew goes to the Nature Center for a camp for a week and then Camp Grandma in August. All of our weekends are jammed packed practically between activities, pool parties, and my working every other weekend.
Speaking of working, I submitted another resume for a juvenile probation officer job for the county. I worked on my resume and am hopeful and prayerful that I at least get an interview. We will see!
We found out that Matthew will be going to Young Fives in the morning in the fall. At first I was bummed about this but am now embracing it. One of the issues we had last year was on his preschool days he would get going with his day and hated stopping to go to dreaded school. This way, with him going in the am, he will have it first thing and hopefully that will mean less arguments. Plus, with Caroline going T/TH pm, it will give us some alone time!
What else?? Not alot! On a unrelated note..keep Sam and his blood pressure in your prayers. He has been struggling with chronic hypertension and its stressing his parents and all of us who love him out. Its not a typical issue for Hypoplastic babies so the doctors are kind of stumped! We know our God can conquer anything so we just continue to ask and plead on his behalf!
Hope your enjoying you summer as much as us!!

Heaven Stands...

I was listening to a new song I have fallen in love with recently and thinking to myself, "These words really remind me of someone who needs to cling to God through an awful time." I know I should never think like that, for it never fails to come true. Literally five minutes after thinking this I found an email in my inbox from Matthew's preschool teacher with the horrible news that his classmate from this past year's class,had drowned on Saturday.
Words can't even begin to describe the horrid pit of sadness that is so very deep within me these past few days. John was a dear,little soul. He was quiet, unassuming, as far as my contact with him went. He was one of six children and his mother had his littlest sibling, a sister, Christina only a day before Ellie was born. We almost always came into school at the same time, almost always running late, smiling at each other with that knowing mother glance of "Yep..late again!"
One day in particular as John was putting his coat in his locker,he stuck his foot, with what was obvious to be a new pair of shoes on it and he had this huge smile. I asked them if they were new and he just shook his yet with unspeakable joy on his face. The couple of times that I helped in Matthew's class, I would observe how nicely John played by himself, he seemed to have an amazing imagination and would kind of tune out the other kids. I joked with the teacher that he proabably liked the peace of being at school and playing whatever he wanted with lots of siblings at home.
I know John is in heaven. I know this. But my mother's heart knows that no matter how great we KNOW heaven WILL be..its not where we are and its so fundamentally against everything in our HUMAN nature to bury our dear, sweet lovely children.
Its times like this that make me ache for Christ to come back. I can't fathom what his parents must be enduring. So again, I do the only thing I can..to cry out to God to pour His grace,compassion and love on them. To thank him for what he did for all of us so that we know that ONE DAY HE WILL SET ALL THINGS RIGHT.
When you walked upon the Earth, you healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands
Your hands that shaped the world, are holding me, are holding me still...strong>These are some of the lyrcis to JJ Heller's Heaven Stands. If your heart is heavy..go,listen...and hopefully find the same peace I am in knowing that YOU NEVER have to leave His hands...

Girls Weekend

Today at noon I am leaving for a whole weekend with some great girlfriends in South Haven. We have been doing this every summer for about ten years now!! We all met through our husbands and I have to say I can't imagine my life without these women or this group. Since the "guys" originally met in highschool at Portage Northern, somehow the nickname "Portage Posse" started. We often refer to ourselves as the posse or posse wives or whatever applies on that particular day. There are over a dozen couples and almost thirty kids between us now.
Although I am so excited for some rest and relaxation, my heart is heavy. One of our good friends from this group's dad is dying of cancer. The doctors have just given him weeks to live, so two of the girl's (his daughter and daughter in law) obviously won't be coming and for what they are all enduring we are all so sorry. Their dad, Dick, has also been a huge party of our "posse". Coming to our parties, tailgates, weddings, etc. He has been a father figure to Jeff and several of the other guys who didn't have dads growing up. I pray his journey from this world to the next is as pain free as possible and for peace for all of them.
Its seems again, as of late, that there is just a lot of yucko news out there. Instead of getting bogged down in it all,I am trying to just pray through it all and learn and grow through it all.

Five,three and nine months

Today is Ellie's nine month birthday..wow time flies! It certainly didn't feel like her gestation went by that fast:) In honor of this, I have decided to do a kid update. I haven't done one in awhile and I love looking back at my posts about what the kids are up to. Right now Caroline is saying in her husky little voice, "Stop doing that momma!" meaning me typing...so we will see how far I get:)
We will start with the oldest, Matthew, recently turned five and getting older and wiser with every passing day. Sometimes this makes me happy, as he is a great big brother and help to me. But other days it makes me miss the days when he was just a little guy. His maturity also helps remind me that kids do grow out of phases and that the things that drive you crazy beyond belief pass away. He loves playing outside and hates eveything to do with school..good thing its summer. He has become our night owl. He still loves a good snuggle with his mommy. He adores his cousin Derek and cherishes time spent with him. He can be very passionate and impulsive. Determined when he puts his mind to something. I love him dearly.
Caroline is three and a half. Still a challenge but still holds a special place right in the middle of my heart. Thanks to speech therapy, her speech skills have greatly improved in the last six months. Especially her language skills. She is a repeater which can get Jeff and I into trouble:( While she does have an attitude lots of times, her great determination serves her well in accomplishing her goals. Caroline is the master of many skills Matthew still could care less to do, like dressing herself, putting on her shoes, getting herself food, riding a tricycle and peddling it. We are still working on channeling her passion for good but I think we will all make it!!
Elizabeth or Ellie, is still a dear little soul. Laid back, with crazy curly hair and mesmerizing blue eyes she continues to be my sunshine. A little delayed in the gross motor dept, she went to physical therapy dept and has made great strides in the last month. She can now roll and sit and really wants to crawl. She seems to be following her brother and sister's lead with all or nothing. She adores her siblings and kicks ferociously when she sees anyone she loves. She sleeps, she eats,she plays.
ALthough I have written before that my kids tend to drive me to the brink of insanity, as I read over this post I am humbled and greatful. I have spent several minutes reading Caringbridge pages about kids who have cancer, have suffered strokes due to open hear surgery and of course baby Sam. I thank God for the health of my children and for the mundaneness of the little irriation that every child brings b/c so many mothers and fathers would do anything for that.

Old People Rock..

I have been working at a retirement home for about seven months now. I work Monday and Friday afternoons from 3:30-7:30 and every other weekend. Is it the most fun I have ever had? No. Am I utilizing my college degree? No. Do I feel like God has placed me exactly where he wants me to be? Yes. I love, love, love the men and women who reside at Park Village Pines. Some of them are losing it, but for the most part they are really together, wise people who love to chat it up. They are geniunely interested in my life. One women in particular, Fran has become particularly close to my heart. I pass her room as I am going back and forth to the dining room and I stop and chat with her. I have been doing this regularly now for about three months. Last week she told me that the past weekend was tough b/c it was the anniversary of her husband's death. They had been married for over 65 years! 65 YEARS PEOPLE!! Its hard for me to even wrap my head around that. I am in such awe of such devotion. I asked her the secret to a happy and long marriage and she said, "Have a sense of humor and forgive and forget!" AMEN to that!! She also told me that she had three sons, but one died when he was 22 hiking on the Appalachian trail. The way she spoke of her son's death and what it did to her and her marriage really moved me. I am blessed to know Fran and to hear and learn from her 88 years on this Earth. I feel honored that God has chosen me to be in these people's lives, even if its to serve them dinner. To make time,even just five minutes to stop in and chat, makes their endless days a little less dreary(her words not mine:)
Who knows how long I will be at this job..but I am grateful for God's blessings through it.

losing my mind

That is how I been feeling lately. I have been in really dark,dark place with parenting and especially with dealing with Caroline. Caroline is sweet and loving but she is perhaps the most strong willed child I have ever known, and I have known some doosies! IN dealing with her I have seen myself become completly unglued, unnerved, frazzled and plain insane. It all came to a head last week when a combination of factors led me to have a mini breakdown. I joke about it but it was very scary and I literally wanted to get in the car and drive away. Not a nice feeling to have.
So, instead of just giving up and living with this constant feeling of dread of having to mother for another minute, I decided to do something. To call a therapist, for myself and for Caroline. To be determined to do some serious soul searching and seriously commit to being a better person for myself and in turn my children. I am sure there will be moments again where I want to throw in the towel but where would that get any of us?
I share this not for pity's sake but for any of you out there who also stuggle with the grind and wear of parenting, especially a more difficult child...I feel your pain. Just wanted someone to know how it feels from this side of the keyboard..

35 and still a big ,fat baby!!

I love coming up with posting titles!! So, this Thursday, March 25th, I will officially be 35! Yikes..too close to 40 for me thank you very much. When I was younger and probably until I was 25 my birthdays were always filled with fun, presents, cake and presents, oops, did I mention the presents already. I have been thinking alot about my love language. Is it possible to speak them all? I like gifts of service, I like gifts, I really like words of affirmation and I don't mind a snuggle from my favorite guy, who just happens to be Jeff. So, really know one can win on my special day. Here is what the perfect day would look like for me

Wake up on the 25th of March to a giant bouquet of flowers with a BIG card full of LOTS of WORDS of why I am SO LOVED!! Then, the card would go on to say that I was getting a day at the spa, a balls out day at the spa, complete with massage, facial, pedicure. Then I would meet a bunch of friends at my favorite resturant. Ok, I realize I live in Kalamazoo, so I will take the Olive Garden. Then, a night a hotel, ALL BY MYSELF, Jeff stops by for a booty call(hee hee) and then I get to sleep in and do whatever I WANT FOR THE whole NEXT Day!! Am I asking for too much?? Ok, maybe!
Am I grateful for my home, kids, husband, health and loads of other things..OF COURSE! But, its a birthday wish so bug off!!
I know in reality, March 25th will most likely look like this,
1. Wake up at 6 am by Caroline saying, " Hi Mama, I get out of bed" and then be showered by a million "Happy Birthday Mommy" Wishes from Matthew and Caroline..
2. Make my own cake
3. ASk Jeff if he is really NOT getting me anything because the purse I bought in early Feb counts as a gift..:(
4. Make my own cake, which I allow Matthew to pick and its white, which I don't really like. Stay as calm as I can, as egg shells go flying into the batter.
5. Realize that my life is truly charmed and that I am a big,fat baby!!:)))
In reality, it will be mostly the second list...I am going to Lansing to hang out with some great friends who I haven't seen in ages for a Lia Sophia party and some girl time. Jeff is going to a Sweet Sixteen party on Sat and so I will have a whole night to myself to watch whatever I want and have the house be super clean..what more could a birthday girl ask for???

No more babies..

On Monday,Jeff's long awaited snip snip will occur:) Its been delayed THREE times since we first tried to schedule it in November!! A variety of reasons caused the delays. One of the biggest being our annoying, CATHOLIC faith based health insurance. Since Jeff works for a Catholic hospital, they do not cover ANY form of birth control. Don't even get me started!! This coupled with the fact that last May he had a procedure "down there":) and so the normal in office vasectomy is no longer an option for him. Instead of it costing around $800, its now costing us nearly $3000!! Again, can I say, so annoying!! Anyways, I find myself with mixed emotions about this. I mean, I know we are done having kids. But, with as much as I am so totally in love with my last baby and all she entails, I am sad that she is it. But, Jeff likes to remind me that she will soon no longer be a baby, she will grow up to be a THREE YEAR OLD, which as you all know from following this blog, seeing my FB status's or seeing me completly unglued in person..I don't deal with nearly as well as with a sweet, easy going six month old. I am so grateful for the blessing that God gaves us in Elizabeth Jane. She is the sunshine on the darkest days of my life. I can't imagine my life without her, or any of my kids!! I am so grateful that I was blessed with the ability to get pregnant easily and with relatively easy pregnancies. Our cup has runneth over in this area of our lives.
It will also be nice not to freal out every month that I am pregnant and be able to just do it!! TMI but, whatever, this is me. I am so sick of having my sex life being dictated by what day of the month it is. However, I can understand Jeff's freakish obsession with not takling chances since two of our three children were conceived at times that techinically it wasn't possible to conceieve. Like I always tell Jeff, "With GOd, all things are possible!!"
That has been the biggest blessing of Ellie's arrival. That Jeff has really learned that God does know best and how blessed you become when you let God's plan become your plan. I know some may argue that a vasectomy isn't God's plan but we're confident that this what God desires for us and our marriage.
We're hoping things go well on Monday, with no complications from the previous surgery. Also for a quick recovery!!
On a totally unrelated note, in regards to my previous post about Mckmama and being increasingly leary about her motives...I TAKE IT BACK!! After her recent missions trip to Kenya and with reading the slanderous lies on other blogas about her, I no longer doubt her motives. I have come to realize that its between her and God and I think she does have good and decent as well as moral intentions with her blog and work related to that! Random, but really on my mind this past week. I may do a post on it if I have time next week!
Hoping that Spring is arriving wherever you may find yourself!!
S

If only I could bubble tape my life...

Interesting title...
Last Monday started out ordinary. I woke up, made coffee, piddled around,Matthew had a snow day. Then, I went to work and thirty minutes into my shift ordinary life came screeching to a halt when my boss came in to tell us that our co worker Ashley was killed only hours earlier in a car crash. Each time in my life that I received news like this I remember the feelings of hearing that initial news. Now, with Ashley it was more disbelief. I mean I have only worked at Park Village Pines for about four months. In all honesty, Ashley and I weren't super close. But, she was 18, she was loved by many people and ..she was 18!! Too young to leave this world.
I excused myself to the bathroom and wept for her and her family, especially her mother. As a mother myself now, I really was stuck with thinking about the horror that she was going through. All week at work it was sad and eery being there.
Today before my shift, I went to the funeral home and saw a young, innocent, girl who would have turned 19 the day before, laying in a casket. There is nothing right about that. I thought of my own precious daughters and didn't even want to think about how it would feel to see one of them in this situation. I thought about how it would be nice to put a "bubble tape" of sorts around everyone and everything you hold dear. Then I thought of my amazing faith. Because of what Christ did for me and you on the cross..I don't need bubble tape. I have the ultimate protection of Christ making it all "ok" one day. But, that doesn't mean that I don't completly freak out when I hear about young girls dying in car crashes or sweet six year olds with brain tumors and it goes on and on. I started this post last night and before I sat down to finish it this morning I checked on Kate McRae's caringbridge. Usually when I read it I am moved but this morning, probably because of this past week, I am sobbing. I so want this world not to be broken. I don't want to hear about any more suffering or dying or pain. I want to be in a world where there are not children dying or earthquakes or any of it. Thank God I can set my eyes upon what is ahead during dark times like these. I really can't imagine living a life where this was it. How horridly depressing would that be?!
Well, I guess since I can't bubble tape my life, I should go do my Bible study..the best bubble tape around:)
Happy March blogging peeps!

Blogs for sale

Lately I have been becoming increasingly irritated with the blog by the name "MCKMAMA" I don't really feel like going into the whole back story about what this blog is about. If your so inclined go to www.mycharmingkids.net. There, you will find lots of information about Jennifer and her family of six, soon to be seven. There are two things I have noticed about this phenonenon of blogs having been "sold out" by which I mean, what was once a blog like mine starts to draw more and more readers. This draws the attention of advertisers. This leads to advertisments and lots and lots of posting. And, in my opinion the honesty and rawness of the blog starts to become compromised. For example with MckMama..I feel like its getting more and more contrived. Like she has a three posts a day minimium. One of her commenters made a statement about how when your reading other people's blogs with whom you don't actually "know" its easy to think you really do know them. This statement really resonates with me. I have said before that I have struggled with blog stalking. But, I have never pretended that I have real relationships with those people. Real, in the sense that I have seen them face to face and really know what they are like, not just what they type they are like. I will say, that I have some friends that I would never have had if it hadn't been for this blogging world and I do consider them friends even though we never met. They, however don't subsitiute the friends I have that I can touch:) Although JoEllen and Kelley..if your reading, you just might get touched by me someday because I would love the chance to "meet":)
I guess what I am saying, in my normal drawn out,long winded fashion is everything in moderation. The computer and this world of blogging, FBing, Tweeting, etc has the ability to bring us away from real fellowship.I want to keepconnected and keep praying for those in need. I want updates about stuff that is going on out there. I like being able to look at a picture of a guy I use to have a crush on in high school and think.."Yep...glad he passed on me!!" But, I would always choose to have the realness of crying and praying with a friend in her living room b/c her son's heart isn't fully developed. I will always choose the dinner with a girlfriend whose marriage is in shambles. The thirty minutes a day I spend looking blogging stuff up could never replace the years of real life living I have done with my friends.

Can't I have my cake and eat it too??

I started going back to Bible study Fellowship again in January. This year they are studying John. It is probably my fifth time being in BSF. I have been in several Bible studies and I have to say BSF is my favorite. I have learned the most about the Bible through my BSF studies. One of the things I love most about being a Christian is when you seek Christ, through His word, how he SO delivers. It amazes me how no matter where I am in life, HIS word IS relevant! So where in the part of John where Jesus raises Lazarus and then Mary annoints Jesus with washing his feet in the expensive oil and Judas freaks and then betrays Jesus. Our teaching leader spoke this week about Mary's sacrifice and how pleasing that was to the Lord. How its not always about how much things cost but what it COSTS us! In debating the whole Christian ed thing, this really struck a chord with me. I am definetly the kind of person who likes to think I can sacrifice but really in the end, most of the times, I bail on it when it gets uncomfortable for me. I was talking to Jaime about this yesterday and said,"Geez, Abraham was going to sacrifice his son and I don't even want to give up my coffee maker!" I was kinda of joking but in all honesty, not really. I am sure this comes from not being in close communion with God. But, as I have been spending more time in prayer about this, I do hear God's voice more and more clearly regarding sacrifice and how it can glorify the Lord. I often think if I am not suffering in an obvious way that I am not really serving God. But I think one of things God is trying to show me is that when we are obedient to what he desires for our lives, it can impact others just as much as a more obvious sacrifice does.

Crazy in love?

Our small group just finished reading the book "Crazy Love" and if you haven't read it...go buy it...NOW!! It was such a good book and it sparked such wonderful conversations among us. It also got Jeff thinking in a way I have never seen before which is super exciting for me. Although he is often a man of few words, when he does have something to say, it always seems to be really profound! That's not just the thought of a doting wife, others have said it before too. :)
The whole premise of Crazy Love is to be obsessed in your love for Jesus. To toss your cares for things of this world, like our cars, houses..stuff aside and live with abandon for our God. One of the ways in which this has struck me has been with our house. Before we moved here, we weren't really living in God's will. We believed in Him, but we were more inclined to go for things like the bigger house, fancier car..etc. Now, not so much. One thing that has become a priority for us is figuring out a way to provide our children with Christian schooling. Matthew attends Kalamazoo Christian for preschool and Caroline will attend next Fall. To be honest, it never even crossed my mind as an option before. But, now, after seeing what it has to offer..I feel very convicted that this is what the Lord wants for our children. Furthermore, I very strongly feel like the sacrifices that would be needed on our part is what God is calling us to. There are alot of uncertainties right now in our lives as far as careers and where we will be in the next three years go. But, one thing I am absolutlely sure of is I want GOD in the center of this decision. I want to seek HIS will for our lives. I want to look back five years from now and breath easy knowing..whatever came our way that we sought the Lord through it all! Defintely five years from now..heck, five days from now I want to be able to say I am crazier in love with God than ever!! How about you?? Are you CRAZY!!???

Marriage preservation

So lately I have been surrounded by people getting divorced. It started with two of my parents friends, who after 40 some years of marriage called it quits. Now it has trickled down to the demographic of which I am in (married about ten years, small kids, etc.) Yesterday my sister told me about a couple, for whom I nannied for and actually lived with for four months were calling it quits. My mom later asked me if I was shocked and I answered No..sadly, people giving up on their marriages seems to be happening all too frequently. Then, I started considering my own marriage. I mean, I lived with that couple, hung out with them alot and they seemed pretty happy, in fact, their marriage has a lot of similiarities to my own. It was seven years ago that all this occured and obviously alot could have gone on in those years. This lead me to seriously consider how much I potentially take my marriage and its well being for granted. I think that I do. I just assume that Jeff will always be there, always love me, always take care of us, always put up with me and whatever mood I decided he gets that day. I have joked before that I sometimes talk to Jeff like Kate Gosselin talked to Jon. Really, this isn't funny. I should be more honoring and respectful of him..always, not just when the mood strikes.
I blogged about making time for intimacy, and I don't want to be TMI here, but that is one area that we struggle in. But, I think this is defintely one area that people over look but can truly have detrimental consequences to the survival of a marriage. If you lose that part, what are you other than roomates and if your a roomie with your spouse it becomes way easier to "break your lease" so to speak.
I am saddened by all the people I know who are struggling in their marriages and especially for those who have deemed theirs unrepairable. My heart aches for the innocent victims, the children of these unions. I have been lifting these people in prayer because I truly believe our Lord is capable of restoring anything and no situation is ever hopeless. But, I also am determined to learn lessons from other people's mistakes and to remain proactive in my attempts to preserve my marriage.

10 for 2010

New Year's Resolutions suck!! I hate them and hardly ever make or keep them! But, this year, I am determined to make some that would make some MEANIGFUL differences in my life. So, here they are. I am picking ten for the year 2010 and I figure that will give me better odds at accomplishing at least one right:)

10.To not scream at my kids
9. To only have the t.v on for an hour a day
8. To read the Bible each day for a minimum of twenty minutes
7. To speak to my husband lovingly
6. To play with my kids, get down on the floor and play!!
5. To not eat chocolate everyday!
4. To make it to the gym at least 3 days a week
3. To finish my bible study!
2. To make time for "intimacy":))) I know your all laughing at this one but Jeff's having the "wires" cut soon so no more risks of baby Simpsons:)
1. To keep a journal again!
How about you all....what are your goals for 2010?? I miss comments!!
As for ringing in 2010..it will be Matthew and I again, heading to Grand Rapids to hang out with some good friends and their kids. Jeff has volunteered to hang out back here with "the girls". Christmas decor is nearly down and I am geared up for a great, pregnancy free year:)
Happy New Year!!

Breath of Heaven

I have been thinking alot about that song. Probably because I am obsessed with Amy Grant's Christmas cd!! Anyways, the lyrics have always made me weepy but this year in particular I can't get through it without being reduced to complete mush! The words, which I copied here...
I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load i bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

[chorus:]
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

just get me as I think about those people I know that have lost their chidren. In particular I think of how as Christian moms, they chose their faith to get them through. The words, "but I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan" and think of how Mary had to put all of her trust in God to get through the circumstances leading up to the birth of Christ. But, in light of knowing mothers who have lost children who, in Jaime's case live in constant fear of losing their child, that Mary at the time of Christ's birth had no idea that God's plan also included Him dying a horrific death on the cross.
The words, "Be with me now" also really resonate with me. When Jaime gave her testimony the week of the Thanksgiving, she shared that last year, before she was even pregnant with Sam, she remembers to specifically "feel" God. She then shared that throughout the events of this past year, in all the pain and bad times, she has been so very blessed to truly FEEL God! Cool!
As I read ove this post, I realize its a little scattered..but it was on my mind!
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas blog world!

You really only have God

Basic principle but one I suddenly "Got" while reading Kate McRae's caringbridge page last week. For those readers of my blog who don't know about Kate. She is a little girl who is fighting a nasty brain tumor in Arizona along with her mom and dad and big sister and little brother. Her mom, Holly, made a comment about being thankful and how she has, in the past, always been thankful that her children were healthy. Now, in light of her daughter facing a horrid disease, she realized that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, she is thankful for a God to bring her through anything.
I have been reading Crazy Love as part of our small group study and have to say its impacted me more than any other Christian book I have ever read. I realize that I am more often than not a lukewarm Christian. I don't love God wholeheartedly. I tend to wax and wane and sadly waning is more my style. When I look at my journey, walk and faith over the last ten years, I am sad to say I haven't grown nearly as much as I could. I fear having a crazy love for Christ and know this is because I am so half hearted about my relationship with Him.
My FB status for Thanksgiving day was " I am thankful for my family, children and friends but most importantly for my faith in a God that would sustain me if it all went away tomorrow." I do truly believe this but I also believe that my faith is ill equipped to handle a major crisis. I liken it to a toddler who has had six months of swimming lessons being thrown into the deep end without any swimmies...can anyone say...TROUBLE. I don't want a lukewarm, crappy relationship. I want to love Christ with reckless abandon. I want everyone and anyone to know how much HE means to my life. I want to be so CRAZY in love that people actually say.."Whoa..that girl is CRAZY in love with CHRIST!"
With January upon us..I can't think of a better NEW YEAR'S Resolution..can you?!

Sickies

We have had a massive case of the sickies around here lately. It all began last Wednesday when Caroline started complaning about ear pain. She was running a low grade temp so I took her in and found out she had an ear infection. We got home and literally an hour later she spiked a 104 fever and was really sick. This continued for four days. Then on Friday, Matthew started with the temp and complaining of severe stomach pain. This is still going on. On Sunday night, I started feeling achy and yesterday my cough started. Hopefully, sometime soon,we will on be on the mend! I have been following a caringbridge page about a little girl who has a brain tumor. When I read about the daily struggles and serious pain that little girl is enduring it certainly puts our sufferings into perspective. I can't imagine, as awful as it has been to watch Matthew and Caroline these past few days to have that be your day to day reality, with no end it sight!
Work is going ok. Apparently, alot of the new people have already quit b/c of the way the trainers have been treating them. My boss asked me my opinion and I had to be put in a pretty awkward position. I didn't want to rat anyone out but it was pretty horrible. I can't imagine how it would be if you were a teenager and you had to deal with these girls. As a nearly 35 year old, I don't really care if these girls have an attitude. Hopefully, they will continue to get nicer. I worked with some really nice girls on Sunday.
Next week is Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to trying my hand at my first turkey.

Eye drs,u/s's and braces?

Like my creative titles? Yesterday I took Caroline and Ellie to the opthamologist in Grand Rapids for a check up for Caroline and for Ellie to have a consult because..thats right, you guessed it..she is showing signs of s lazy eye! I took her for her two month apt last week and the ped was asking about her tracking and I mentioned that her right away does turn in. She thought with our family history that it wouldn't be a bad idea to have her checked out. The verdict from the dr was that she is moderately far sighted at this point. He puts children on a scale of one to eight and most newborns are a 2. Ellie is currently a 4. But, she could outgrow this by six months. We will just have to wait and see. Caroline's prescription hasn't changed at all and she is doing good. She was pretty good yesterday and they were able to get her to cooperate more than she has in the past. That girl drives me crazy!! Another issue that presented itself at Ellie's apt was that the ped heard her hip clicking on the right side which could indicate hip dysplasia. So, on Thursday she is having a hip U/S and x ray. If these tests show that she indeed does have this she will have to wear a brace. In light of the fact of knowing babies like Sam, this in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal. But, I have to laugh at the collection of baby medical devices. We have Matthew's helmet, Caroline's glasses and now perhaps hip braces for Ellie. Again, were just thankful these issues aren't really issues at all.
Work is going pretty good. The people who live there are very sweet and gracious. My coworkers are funny, I forgot how petty and sensitive teenagers can be. Oh the drama. I just bus my tables, restock the creamers and keep my nose out of the drama. Been there done that! One of the girls was saying to me how, once I work there for awhile, that I would see how annoying the people are. I can pretty much guarentee that none of those people could even come close to being as annoying as the people I worked with at the State's Atty office in Chicago.
I am working alot in the coming weeks, but I have to say I like the money and paying off the debt!!
Ok..got to go, kids thowing toys at each other..more later

Humble Dave Ramsey Pie

Like the title?:) I will admit I have been thinking about the content of this post since yesterday and have thought of several titles. Some of which included..Damn daycare, damn debt,damn stupid decisions!! But, I thought Humble Dave Ramsey Pie was more creative and less profane:)
I started my job at the retirement home and lets just say I was HORRIBLY mislead as to what I would be doing. I THOUGHT I would be serving meals, chatting with the old folks and ok, yes, I did think I would have to clear dishes. I DID NOT think I would have to mop, sweep, wash dishes, bus, serve..etc I also didn't think I would have to answer to a snotty little 19 year old who chain smokes and swears..but I was wrong. So whats a stay at home mommy who wants to earn some extra cash so her husband dosen't have to work at Jackson Hewitt this tax season but still wants to make money to pay off stupid credit card debt she racked up, along with her husband, when they were young and newly married to do? (By the way,can anyone say run on sentence?) I'll tell you what she is going to do...SUCK IT UP!! Yes, its pretty gross but its only 8-12 hours a week. The hours work so I don't have to put the kids in daycare and it does get me away and lets me have my husband home at nights and on Saturdays. We made stupid financial decisions and so, in a sense, I am reaping what I sowed.
But, the snotty, college educated girl in me is thinking," I am waaayyy too good for this job." The good, rational Christian girl in me says, " No you not...start scrubbing those nasty dishes lady!"
So, I will suck it up and do it..who knows, maybe it will turn out to be the best job ever?! Of course Jeff loves to say to me when I have spent money on something he thinks is frivilous.." That's two hours of dish washing...hope it was worth it!"
Since he is the more financially responsible one of the two of us I just shot him a dirty look!:)
Man...sometimes being a grownup really stinks!!

The autumn leaves drift past my window...

I love fall and I forgot just how much I love it until it comes around every year. I love the smell of pumpkin bread baking in the oven, an apple scented candle a glow filling our house with yummy smells. Meatloaf, stew and chili come back into the dinner rotation, visits to Gull Meadows..those sinful donuts, Halloween and Thanksgiving. Things are fine here in west Michigan. Its been a chilly fall but I can't complain, what would be the use anyways! We have all remained pretty healthy in light of all the illness around us. We're in full throttle of our schedules and the kids seem to be thriving in it all. I did get the part time job at the retirement home and should begin next week. It will be nice to have something for myself and to make some extra money. I have been wanting something like this for awhile and am grateful for the opportunity.
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year as it will be the first one with just our immediate( Jeff,me, Matthew,Caroline and Ellie) family. I decided that I don't want the stress of traveling to Chicago or even going anywhere locally. I really am looking forward to starting our own traditons here in the Simpson household. I think the same will apply for Christmas as far as traveling but we will of course see family here. Sometimes it just nice to hang out at home and not always be rushing and stressing about how the kids will behave elsewhere. Plus, on Christmas its so much fun to just relax and have what Matthew likes to call "Family day" where we stay in our pj's, eat monkey bread for breakfast, play games, watch movies and make forts. With a 4,3 and baby in tow..this holiday season will be filled with wonder and excitment! I can hardly wait!!
We're headed to a Halloween party in a little while. We're trying out a new babysitter from church who has watched the kids before during small group. We need a new sitter as our college girl is expecting a baby in December! It was a spur of the moment decision and seeing as how I loathe dressing up for Halloween, I am wearing my "Fireproof" tee shirt I just got at MOPS this week that says, " My husband rocks" ..I am going as the adoring wife...those of you that know me, know I love getting away with basically not dressing up at all. Last year I went as Jeff's high school girlfriend which meant that I wore his old hockey jersey and his class ring. I like to think people have come to expect lame outfits from me!! There has been a lot of sickness around here and at church so we're skipping tomorrow and having a modified family day! Enjoy your fall!!

Whee...Squeaky's three!

Caroline turned three on Monday! I can't believe its been three years! I remember the day she was born vividly. There was a early "snowstorm" that brought Kalamazoo over five inches of beautiful snow. Caroline has been stronged willed since the moment she came into this world. From a finicky and colicky baby to a fiestly toddler..she can be challenging. But, she is also sweet and endearing and passionate. I hope to help her become and put forth all of her characteristics to live a happy, healthy and productive life and most importingly to know and honor God in all she does. I always say that with her personality, Caroline will either be the fiercest servant the Lord has ever known or the worst influence imaginable...a burden that I don't take lightly in parenting her! She can frustrate me but she more often than not she is my little sweetie who loves "huggies" and her mama. Funny enough..right now she is screaming crying over some trivial incident...again..strong willed dosen't begin to cover it with her...
She is an amazing big sister and I look forward to watching her relationship with Ellie blossom and grow over the years. She loves her big brother Matthew and is his favorite playmate. Being that I was a middle child and now, with the arrival of Ellie, Caroline is too..I have found a special place right in the middle of my heart for her.
In other Simpson news...this weekend Ellie and I are headed to Chicago to meet up with my sister at my parent's for her to take Ellie's birth annoucment pics. Jeff is staying back with the older kids. He is excited not to have infant baby duty at all for two nights. He has been so great about helping me every night from about 10-3am.
Also, I am now employed!! I will be working part time at a retirement home, serving meals to the residents. The hours are good, 3:30-7 two nights a week and one weekend day I will work either 6am-2pm or 3:30-7. Jeff is changing his schedule to be home at 4:30 the nights I work and Jeff's mom has agreed to come and stay with the kids until he gets home. Its minimum wage but it will provide extra income and Jeff won't have to work at Jackson Hewitt this winter, which we both love!! I will get some sanity and we will be paying off more debt!! A win-win for everyone!!

Chugging along

I will say since the arrival of Ellie Bellie...finding time to blog has become rather challenging! But, I will also say that I LOVE having three kids. I feel very complete and that defintely three was the number for us! Ellie is still up alot at night and still I don't care! I love that little baby so much that sometimes I look foward to the four o clock hour to watch " Without at Trace" eat Skittles, and stare at my perfect little miracle. Seriously, sometimes, I just look at her, with tears in my eyes and think " We didn't even know we wanted you!!" That is totally how I feel about her. The best Xmas present I never knew I always wanted!! With every passing day our schedule is getting more into a groove.
Today, I interviewed for a part time job at an assistant living home. It would be only 16 hours a week, with one day a weekend. Basically I would be serving meals to the residents. But, it would provide some extra income to help pay off debt and get me some "me" time. My prayer is that if this if what God wants, he will open the door!
This Monday is Caroline's third birthday! I can hardly believe its been three years since that little girl came into our lives!! We're having a family party on Sunday and going to Gull Meadows on Monday for her actual birthday.
Well, the sleeping on four hours a night is hitting me...so I am off to bed! Happy weekend!