Thankful 2020

 I rarely visit this space anymore. However if there was ever a year to focus on the things I am thankful for it is 2020! Here goes...

10. Our new puppy, Winston. I am completely smitten by this little maltipoo. We got him in May, and the timing could not have been more perfect. He is sweet, sometimes spicy and always snuggly. 

9. Feeling like Rochester/Oakland twp is home. It has taken two years but I am loving this area more and more.

8. My kid's ages. The kids are now 15,14 and 11. I have said for sometime now that I thought parenting would be easier for me when we were out of the toddler/little kid phase. So far I am right. I really love the conversations we have , the jokes we share and that they don't wake me up to watch Disney Jr at 6am!

7. Jeff's health. We had another scare this fall with Jeff's heart. He ended up getting three stents. He is also struggling with issues with high calcium levels and will have his parathyroid out this winter. Through all of the stress we have continued to see God's protection and grace. 

6. My health. I have had a full year of no growth in my pancreatic neuroendocrine tumor. I have another scan on December 1st. I am hopeful that it is stable again. 

5. Job security. Through all of the covid craziness both Jeff and I have remained employed. We do not take that for granted. My job has been especially heart wrenching as covid as wreaked havoc on our communities. 

4. Our home. I really adore it. Last night we were watching a Christmas movie surrounded by the loads of Christmas lights I have all over, and I felt truly content. 

3. My parents moving closer. Although they still live an hour away, it is much improved from the six we had before. My kids love that Grandma and Papa are close by. 

2. Friendships. These past two years of living away from close friends has made me realize that maybe I am not someone who needs lots of friends. I had always been someone who made friends rather easily. I have come to accept that at this stage in life, with kids that are older, it is more difficult. It has also made me more discerning about which friendships are worth investing in, and which are ok to let go of. It has been a silver lining. 

1. My faith. Always and forever and especially throughout this year. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him. And he will make your paths straight. We continue to trust in the our faith and not try and figure everything out. 

We wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. It will be different this year as we've decided to stay home and celebrate with our immediate family. I am reminded of one of my favorite Christmas carols "Have yourself a Merry little Christmas" and the line, "Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow. Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow." Here's to making the best of our collective muddling. 

Winston the puppy and the new normal

Well it took a pandemic, but we got a puppy! Winston the maltipoo joined us mid May!  As it became more apparent that our world would not be getting back to normal anytime soon. All of our summer plans were cancelled,including a highly anticipated trip to Universal Studios.  We decided there was no better time to get a puppy, and have the time to devote to training him. I had been looking at different options over the past few months of different dogs that I thought would be a good fit for our family. Jeff initially wanted a bigger dog, but I tend to have more allergies with dogs who shed and honestly I didn't want the hair and upkeep of a big dog. I saw my friend post a picture of her adorable little dog and asked what breeder she used. One thing lead to another and I connected with her and discovered she had two pups that were ready that weekend for a new home! We scrambled and purchsed all of the supplies needed to bring little Winston home. We named him Winston after the MSU basketball player, Cassius Winston. He is absolutely adorable! He is sweet and cuddly but also playful. We are bell training him. Two and a half weeks in he seems to have a good handle on it. Although  he does like to ring it when he wants to go out and play. It really has been the best time to get a dog because honestly there is little to look forward to right now. We are still under a stay at home until June 12. Most things are still closed ,and a mask is required wherever we go. Our neighborhood pool is not opening this summer.  Baseball and softball have been cancelled.

The kids are wrapping up their online learning ,and I can't wait until they are done. It has felt like it was mostly me nagging them to make sure they were zooming and getting assignments turned in a timely manner. I pray we do not have to continue online learning in the fall. I try not to think too much about what's next because honestly there isn't anything I can do.  I am not going to ruin my summer worrying about what if?

Speaking of what if, my MRI has been delayed twice now as it was not deemed medically necessary during the Covid outbreak. It will finally happen next week.  I'm ready to just get it over with.and find out if my mass is stable or will require major surgery.  Jeff continues to work from home, and it is likely he will be doing it for the rest of the summer if not longer. 

Overall we have handled the quarantine well as a family. The girls have been getting along wonderfully. It has been nice to just be together as a family and spend time doing things we don't have time for usually. I am eager for some aspects of normal life to return like haircuts and restaurants! We've tried to find the silver linings of the pandemic like Winston and all the time we've been able to spend with him is definitely a blessing! 

We hope your staying safe wherever you are!

Covid-19

I had all intentions of not posting here anymore. Then a pandemic hit, and I feel like I want to document how our world looks right now. We live in Oakland Twp which is about forty-five minutes from Detroit. Our area has been hard hit. I work at both an Ascension hospital in Rochester ,and at St. Joe Oakland in Pontiac, Michigan. My Ascension job has gone to a virtual role as our family medicine clinic is only doing telehealth visits right now.  I try to reach patients on the phone but it has definitely been hit or miss. I also have been trying to support our medical residents who have been staffing Ascension Rochester's Covid unit.  At St.Joe I work with the pain and palliative care team as their medical social worker. It has been a hard month. Our visitor restrictions have made it that we must facilitate all meetings with families virtually. Having end of life discussions via Facetime is not for the faint of heart. It makes already difficult conversation even more heart wrenching. It feels impersonal, and we are desperate to give patients and families the personal connection they desperately are seeking. When I  leave the hospital I drive home on an eerily empty highway that would usually be heavy with traffic, to the kids and Jeff, who is exclusively working from home. At first I didn't mind not having to rush to a myriad of  sporting events, but now it just seems boring and weird when I am home.
The kids are actually handling all of this well. They all enjoy being home staying up late and sleeping in. They are good students so they can definitely handle the demands of virtual school. Of course Matthew and Caroline need frequent reminders that this is not an extended vacation.
Jeff has been dealing with a high calcium issue and needs to have his parathyroid out. It was originally scheduled for June,but now who knows? I have my six month MRI follow up for my pancreatic neuroendocrine tumor on May 5. This is my second surveillance MRI and my anxiety is always high for about three weeks; two weeks before the actual scan and the week I am waiting to hear my results. I am more anxious this time because if I have to have a major surgery, now is certainly not the time to do so with the entire healthcare system basically shut down. I was actually surprised that my MRI was not impacted by Covid. So between Jeff's parathyroid and my pancreas life continues to have this underlying stress even without a pandemic. However what that past five years has taught us is life can be tough but you just have to keep going. Finding joy in the little things really does make a big difference!
I am grateful that the kids aren't little as they have to manage mostly by themselves when it comes to school during the day as I am at the hospital three days a week and Jeff work is demanding as ever.
It has been sweet to seem them growing closer together and hanging out nicely.
I hope wherever you are that you and your family are managing! I know that many people have been furloughed and that the weight of this all is emotionally very heavy for all of us. Keep your chin up and look for that one thing everyday that makes you smile!

2020 and 15 years and goodbye!

Happy New Year! I will join in the masses in lamenting about how crazy it seems that it is 2020! I started this blog fifteen years ago! Reading back on all of my memories with the kids, lessons learned, seasons of life weathered has been such a gift.
2019 was not the easiest year. I had a job I absolutely loathed and worked with some really horrible people. Fake and mean spirited and go behind your back and try and get you in trouble when you are at the Mayo clinic getting a pancreatic tumor investigated kind. I am so happy to say I have found two part-time jobs that I enjoy. I work as a palliative care MSW at a local hospital and as the MSW for a family practice office here in Rochester. I love the balance of both jobs.
My pancreas will continue to cause me issues in 2020 and for a while, in this decade I think. I had a pet scan a few weeks ago that confirmed I do have a small neuroendocrine tumor in the head of my pancreas. Before you freak out and think, "Oh my word, she has pancreatic cancer!" It isn't the same! Neuroendocrine tumors have a much better fate than their much better-known cousin of adenocarcinoma. Still, it is a cancerous lesion that I will have to deal with in the coming months if not years. Whether that means surgery or watchful waiting with scans every three months has yet to be determined. It has been stressful and I have realized that I appreciate an avoidant approach to health crises that affect me. In between scans and doctor appointments, it is very easy to just forget there is this pesky 1.6 cm lesion in me!
Despite the health issues we are all plugging away here in Oakland Twp. The kids continue to pine for Portage. I continue to be grateful for fresh starts and less stressful living. Making new friends here has continued to be difficult. I wish this was different for the kids but I don't mind as much. I am content with my life.
My word for 2020 is soften. I want to approach my life in a softer way. I can be harsh, critical, anxious and quick to anger. I don't appreciate this, and I am certain the kids and Jeff could do with less of it. I am still contemplating the best way to work on this.
I am not sure how many people have continued to check in to this space? But, I want to say thank you for taking the time to read here. I began this journey as a new mom to a six-month-old little boy. I leave as a mom of three teenage/tweenagers. I have been married for nearly seventeen years. I have gone from being a stay at home mom to a restless mom, to a licensed social worker. So many mistakes made but also so many lessons learned. God by my side and my Redeemer always!