Fresh starts

Today was the first day of school. Matthew is in eighth grade, Caroline is in seventh and Ellie is in fourth. I also started one of two new jobs today. I recently resigned from my position at hospice and have taken two new positions. The first job is working as a palliative care MSW at a hospital twenty hours a week and the second is at an academic family medicine clinic also as a medical social worker. I loved being back in my element today! I did not feel challenged at all with my previous position and felt like I didn't belong. However I will forever be grateful for the flexibility that job allowed in our year of transition to Rochester. I was home every day by 5. It was nice to be there for the kids as they have adjusted but I never felt fulfilled. I will be forever grateful for my work with the bereaved. Working with families after their loved ones died gave me such insight and will only help improve my work with palliative care patients and families.
We are settling in more and more here in Oakland Twp. Matthew and Jeff are busy with hockey. Jeff is coaching again. Matthew is proving to be the type of person, much like his dad, that people gravitate towards and look to for leadership. He is also like his dad in the fact that he doesn't like any attention. I am proud of the man he is becoming!
Caroline has really thrived here in Rochester and has a good group of nice friends. She is also very involved with the youth group at church. It has been awesome to see her excited about growing in her faith.
Our little Ellie Bellie just turned ten yesterday and is also finding her way. She really liked her school, Baldwin, when she changed in March and was excited to return. She is enjoying swimming weekly and we are considering adding a more competitive swim schedule.
Jeff is busy as ever and his laid back attitude continues to serve him well! His job has let up some in regards to not being so hellish! :)
I am due for an MRI November 1st to check on that dang neuroendocrine tumor! We are believing and praying for NO GROWTH!!!
Life continues to throw us some challenges but we are determined to keep on keeping on!

1.6 cm

Who would have ever thought that something as tiny as 1.6cm would cause me SUCH GRIEF!! It all started in April when I had my yearly physical and told my doctor that I thought it would be a good idea to have a colonoscopy. I had one back in my early twenties and was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I have had symptoms off and on over the years, more off than on. My doctor agreed and ordered it. I was surprised that I didn't have to meet with the gastroenterologist. The office simply scheduled the procedure. I had that done at the end of April. After it was done the doctor said that my colon was fairly twisty and he could not see all of it with the scope and so he wanted me to have a CT scan which I had in early May. I heard nothing and in an uncharacteristic move thought, Well I guess no news is good news. That was until a week later when I received two voicemails, one from the doctor telling me I had a suspicious spot on my pancreas and another from a nurse who needed to schedule an MRI to further investigate. CUE freaking the freak out. Long story, which included such incompetence on part of the gastroenterologist's office, that I wanted to strangle their front desk staff, to an almost missed MRI due to said office's inability to get my insurance company the documentation that was needed to have the MRI approved, I was told I likely have a pancreatic endocrine tumor located in the head of my pancreas. I went to Mayo clinic this week and had prepared myself for needing to have a Whipple procedure. The surgeon I met with feels that I am a good candidate for active surveillance. Basically that means I will be scanned every 6 months to see if the 1.6 tumor grows at all.  If it does grow at all I will have to  have a Whipple. Apparently there are many of us walking around with neuroendocrine tumors, and they are grow at a slow pace. Usually. And there it is. The anxiety that I have mostly put to bed but still wants to rear its ugly head. I do not want an aggressive tumor or aggressive surgery to treat it. But, I realize, who does? The last several years have taught me nothing if that you're owed nothing and you can make all the plans you want but sometimes life gets in the way.
For now we are grateful that we can do nothing. We are back in Oakland Township and back to enjoying summer. I am back to studying for my licensing exam. We of course have grand plans to lose weight, spend more time together, and seize the day. But, the past two years have also taught me that real life gets in the way of gratitude more often than not and that it is a DAILY choice to see the goodness even when you feel down. That you have to chose the good food, the reading the book with your child over watching a movie, the date night over not talking about anything  but kids for months at a time, exercise instead of another season of Southern Charm.
I am grateful for Jeff. I have been quiet, withdrawn and moody. He has been patient, calm and steady. He is the voice of reason and calms the darkest of my fears. Our love isn't perfect, it is flawed. However with 20 plus years of relationship there is comfort in being known, and having the worst version of yourself loved. I feel like the worst version of myself has ruled "me" for awhile now. A 1.6 cm tumor has taught me that life can really come down to that. 1.6 cm's. A seemingly insignificant  amount with a huge impact on my entire life.

Sweet 16

Today Jeff and I celebrate sixteen years of marriage. The weather is very reminiscent of how it was back in 2003 when we said, "WE DO" at the front of the beautiful Stetson Chapel on the Kalamazoo College Campus. So much life has happened over those sixteen years.
This past year was one of the most stressful that we've endured. Uncertainties regarding jobs, listing our home in Portage, moving to the east side of the state, apartment living, finding our current home and helping three children adjust to a new city and new schools. We all miss so much of what we had in Portage but what we have in Rochester or Oakland Twp if you want to be technical , is each other. We don't have lots of friends to distract us from each other. We have been settling in and enjoying our home and each other. Most days, anyways!
Jeff's health crisis taught us to enjoy every day, even the ones that seem mundane. Just today I was nagging him about hiring a company to cut the lawn. Ever the accountant he was saying he could do it. I am the practical one that knows that a person who works from 7-8p.m can't possible fit it all in. I promise to give up lunches out and he says, Fine whatever. Knowing full and well that means I will only buy lunch three days a week. I love that I am able to have these "discussions" with him and do not take it for granted. I would chose Jeff Simpson over and over again. I was just telling a co worker today that when I met Jeff Simpson I was immediately attracted to him. He was funny and sweet and I just knew that we'd be a good match. It took a lot of work but I don't regret any of it.
Where I over think, Jeff is practical. When I am too hard on myself, Jeff reminds me of my strengths and where I have grown. When he thinks too much about the bottom line, I remind him that there are simply not enough hours in the day. When he bitches about hockey, I listen or at least pretend to. When he has a hard day at work, I am his greatest champion. We get each other. I can 100% be myself with him. He knows all of my highs and has been with me through every low.
You all know I love a good list! So, in honor of our 16th anniversary I think it is only fitting I list 16 things I have learned about marriage over the years!

16. Parenting brings out the best and worst of your spouse. It is not for the faint of heart! Having a partner that gets your style is CRUCIAL!

15. Never think you will NEVER do or will ALWAYS do anything. Life will throw you some major curveballs and it will shock the shit out of you how you play that!

14. Have the fundamentals in common. Sure Jeff and I don't like all of the same things. Hello. He is a huge sports enthusiast and I AM NOT! I love music, Jeff, no so much. But, we believe in the same God, have the same values and hate the same things about hockey coaches:)))))

13. Forgive each other, then forgive again.

12. Get over the socks left in two completely different places in the family room.

11. Love that your husband doesn't care about saving money by driving a craptastic car in order for your children to do the things they love!

10. Decide on each other every day!

9. Be playful, LAUGH.

8. Go out alone! Let's be real, this isn't happening every month but do make it a priority .

7. Text him something nice. Even if it has a mostly smart ass tone:))

6. Let him sleep in, even when you're wanting to be like, DUDE! The ping pong table has been at step 6 for three weeks!!

5. Remember that you almost lost him. Think of all of the memories you've been bless to make.

4. Make sure he always has clean underwear and socks!

3. Be intentional about sharing all you love about him with your children.

2. Pray for him. His health, his job, his friends.

1. Thank God every day for sending you the exact right mate for you. Is Jeff Simpson every one's cup of tea? NOPE! But he is my glass of champagne. Ok, I have taken it too far!

New home, new beginnings.

Tomorrow the Simpsons are moving into a new home. We are thrilled. Being patient and living in an apartment paid off for us. We found a beautiful, spacious home in Oakland Township about eight miles from where we currently are.  Matthew and Caroline will remain at Hart and Ellie will move to Baldwin Elementary. Thankfully my high school friend, Nicole's daughter is also in third grade at Baldwin and Ellie and she are in the same class. Ellie is excited for a new adventure. I appreciate that about Ellie, she is always up for a new adventure. Everyone has their own room in our new house. I began looking for homes in this area last March. I have SEEN many a house in this area. Add to that one of the most competitive seller's markets in recent years and I was, to quote Anne of Green Gables, "In the depths of despair." We had many realtors and I was OVER IT! But, my heart longed for a home, so I kept searching. I ended up meeting our realtor, Susan at an open house and she helped me and stuck with me, even when all the stress made me not the nicest of clients! When I walked into our home, I just felt that it was "ours". It may sound cheesy, but it is true. I feel like everything has fallen into place and we feel this is where we should be. I am so excited to have my home feel like mine again! When we prepared our Portage home to sell we "de-Simpson'd it". We went from warm, earthy tones to GRAY. ALL GRAY.  I have missed my things and I am 100% over apartment living.

The house we are moving into is in a subdivision with tons of kids! I am thrilled for our children and hope they make some good buddies there. I am hoping for decent neighbors as well ,but after the craziness that we've experienced with neighbors over the past years, I may stick with waving hello!
We are ready to be settled and make Rochester, or Oakland Township our home!