2017

It is New Year's Eve...it is nearly 11pm. One hour until a new year is upon us. There are so many things that are scary as hell about 2017. Trump. Tweeting. Tweening.  How do you like that alteration? I know so many people are so discouraged about what 2017 will bring. I am not. 2016 was the first year ever that I actually saw my resolutions through. I am a better person tonight than I was a year ago. I have made significant changes in my life and I have seen the positive changes it has made. I am so glad for every hard moment that I had to get to this moment. It has strengthened my faith and made me realize how much grace and redemption I have been blessed to receive. There is certainly work to be done. Coming to terms to with the  behaviors that led me to where I was. Appreciating every blessing I have. Waking up everyday and feeling grateful, even when the circumstances of my life don't necessarily point that attitude. Now that I feel I have a good spiritual footing, 2017 will be devoted to wellness! While all is well with my soul these days..health wise I am a mess. Eating like there isn't a care in the world about what fuels my body, bloated, yuck. I know better but yet I know this will always be a struggle. I like food and I like the easy way out...a horrible combination when you also struggle with the concept of moderation. I usually have this happen every few years, being totally fed up and disgusted with myself and I change my ways for a good six months. But, I always find my way back to this state(gluttony and indifference). I have faith that I can change this with the right approach. The good thing about having a great 2016 is that it has you believing you can transfer the skills you used to accomplish 2016's goal to 2017's! I believe!!! Really, I have nothing to lose..ha ha..the pun! Really I have everything to lose and can not continue to gain!!
Every post this year has spoken to all we've left behind. The toxic behaviors and people. The poor choices. Leaving that behind has definitely shown me that this lesson is applicable to all struggles I have. The easy path will never produce any lasting fruit. It will wilt, it may taste good at the time, but the after taste is the most bitter you will ever taste and experience.
Financial freedom is another goal of mine and ALWAYS of Jeff's. He is so wise. He is so patient but I need to buckle down because I am desperate to leave our house. It has served us well in the nearly 12 years we've lived here but we are ready for change. Our girls need their own space. We need a bit more space and distance from some mistakes that we do not need daily reminders of. So, I will forgo the things I feel are needs because they are really wants. We have more than enough. We can conquer this and move on to a better space for our family and a place where our souls can rest easy without constant reminders of the crap we've left behind. Will me miss most of our neighbors, certainly. But, moving on is best for every single person in our family.
So many things will happen in 2017..Matthew will move on from elementary school to middle school. Caroline will start her last year of elementary. Ellie will continue to find her way in 2nd grade. I will negotiate an interesting work life and find my way.  Jeff will continue to struggle with his role and where is his future is headed. We will live our everyday lives. I have so much gratefulness for the mundane. Life is good when you know your life is normal. I work with people everyday who have to negotiate a new normal and thus I appreciate worrying about trivial things such such as how will Matthew cope with 6th grade, will Caroline hate me when she is a teenager, did we make the right decision when we held Ellie back? Because in the end, we are mostly happy, healthy and together. What I learned in 2016 is that Team Simpson sticks together and there is NO other team I'd ever want to be on!!!
Happy New Year!!! We can do 2017!!!!

Christmas Eve

We are a few hours from Christmas. What a wonderful season it has been for us. We've had lots of fun but have also taken the time to enjoy it all. Intentional. That is what I will remember about this holiday season. Enjoying my decorations, my tree, my family, and all my many other blessings. Feeling so grateful for this sweet spot we find ourselves.
One thing that really saddens me is that Matthew is totally suspicious  of Santa. All of his friends don't believe and he continues to ask us but you can see it in his face and his eyes through tears, that he's not ready to know. I was about to tell him a few weeks ago but I couldn't do it. Too many things are bombarding our boy right now. He's right on the cusp of boy to tween. He's struggling to find his way in all of that. I love that he comes to me to discuss all of his fears and thoughts. I know it is such a gift. And so, given all he's told me, I know if we told him, right now, that we are Santa, it would crush him. Jeff and I decided we will tackle this, together, in the New year. Oh my, growing up does suck sometimes doesn't it?
We are prepared for Christmas and for the first time ever, we aren't wrapping until the wee hours of the morning. We've spent the day with family, Jeff took the kids with his sister to do some fun activities that she gifts them for Christmas. Rock climbing for the big kids and Bounceland for the littles. I am struggling with a wicked cold and used the time to rest some and wrap a lot. Our plans were a bit jostled at the last minute and with mom feeling like crap and a house full of people arriving tomorrow afternoon we decided on a family favorite, Chinese! Well, everyone's favorite except Caroline who happily ate her Wendy's. As I watched everyone eat their respective food I felt truly happy and thankful. We are blessed. Yes, 2016 was hard and we all know that 2017 will surely throw us some doozies! But, I am hopeful. I believe in the hope and redemption that the little baby who was born all those years ago in a manger brings. He can make all things new. I have experienced it fully in 2016. I  will move forward  to whatever comes my way knowing my God will never waiver. If I continue to seek Him and His ways my life won't necessarily be easy but it will bearable.
Wishing you and yours the Merriest of Christmases and Happy Holidays and a bright and HOPEFUL New Year. We can do this. One day at a time. Heck, maybe one minute at a time.