This summer I have spent time considering what fills my head on any given day, in any given moment. I have "thought about thinking" for a variety of reasons. One, I work with families all day, discussing all sorts of horrible and hard things. Sometimes it is necessary to be able to go to a place in your mind where you can still be present but have a tiny break from the heaviness that is happening. I have always been a day dreamer. I was telling Jeff the other day that maybe I am adhd because I can easily drift away in thoughts and become distracted. Secondly, I realized, as I have tried to write about on my blog regarding my struggles, that my thought life directly impacts my behaviors. When I spend time fixating on things that are unhealthy, those behaviors only increase.
So, in attempts to get a handle on this crazy brain of mine, I have embarked on some techniques to be more mindful about my thoughts and actions. To take time and center myself and really consider what I am choosing to let myself think and believe. It has shocked me since I began this quest how many times the thoughts that have corrupted me enter my head. It isn't always something hugely profound. Sometimes it's simply a thought about myself that is self depreciating and adds no value. Being a spiritual person, or at least doing my best to be, I have incorporated a way to center myself in the morning that works amazingly if I can get my booty up and do it! I pick a Bible verse or simple faith sentence and find a quiet place and concentrate on my breathing and simply repeat the phrase over and over silently in my head. My favorite verse that does a great job of bringing me back is Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." As my breathing becomes more controlled, my thoughts soften and honestly in those moments of quiet, I am totally at peace. I am hopeful as I practice this on a regular basis that I will be able to tap into it throughout the day when I am feeling like I am spinning out of control. The other day I was entering a situation that had me anxious for days. I was facing circumstances that usually have rendered me very much out of control of what I think and how I act. As I stewed in the anxiety I realized, Wait! You do have tools to respond to this situation in the way that is most healthy. I did a mini mindfulness session in my car and of course it worked. Well, the mindfulness and the power of prayer, which I believe is an unbeatable combination. Like I have always said, baby steps, step by step, day by day. That is the only way this girl is ever able to successfully incorporate anything into successful practice! I am not going to lie, some days the struggle is REAL and I just want to stay in those unhealthy ways. Then I remember that if I continue to do what I have always done, I will end up exactly where I never wanted to be! Can I get an amen?! :)
