Nearly eleven years in..

At the end of April Jeff and I will have been married for eleven years. We met when I was nearly 21 he was 22. We've known each other for the past 18 years. Holy cow. I sometimes can not wrap my mind around those numbers.  15 years of being in a relationship, eleven years of marriage, three homes, three kids, many jobs, many trips, many good talks, many arguments over big and little things, meltdowns, good times, they are what this marriage is made of. I don't think I really "got" what marriage, and what it truly means to be committed, in all circumstances meant until this eleventh year. This year has been by far the hardest on us. We've stretched, we've realized that those little cracks we thought weren't a big deal ended up being a huge deal. We both have come to realize without daily commitment to each other, this union is susceptible to all kinds of crazy realities. It has been one of the scariest years, but also has allowed me to grow the most in who I am as a wife, and more importantly as a woman. I read a great blog last week written by a 20 something who recently became engaged. Her wisdom on her impending marriage far exceeds my own.  Mo, at www.moisom.com wrote that the world has taught us that there is one perfect person for us. That you can have the perfect wedding, the perfect kids, the perfect life, and if it doesn't work out, move on to find that perfect person. But, for those of us, like Jeff and me, who got married in a church and made vows before God, our marriages are based on the Word. For us, we realize there really is no perfect person or perfect life and that really, to make it, in this very WORDLY world, we are in desperate  need of the grace from our spouse and our God to carry us through year to year and throughout the seasons of marriage. I have realized this year that GRACE is truly all around me and I have especially experienced this in Jeff's love and forgiveness of me when I do not show him or treat him in the way I have vowed and am called to do. In a Christian marriage, our relationship is suppose to mirror Christ's love for the church and for us. The longer I am married, the more I realize that if we let Him, God will use our marriage relationship to draw us closer to and more like Him. I have realized some pretty ugly truths about myself this past year. Thankfully, I have also become more aware of the abundant blessings and grace I am afforded not only by my husband, but by my God. I feel like it has been a huge " A ha" moment, for lack of a better expression. This year on April 26th, I will cherish the blessing that my marriage has been in my life. To everything there is a season. I have felt like we've been in a winter of sorts this past year. I love the symbolism that our spring anniversary represents. The snow of this harsh winter will melt, the birds will sing, and things will look a little less bleak. I look forward to the next year, or forty with excitement of how God will grow us both through our union and commitment to each other.

The world says the person should be perfect for YOU. The ring should be perfect for YOU. The proposal should be perfect for YOU. The wedding should be perfect for YOU. And the Pinterest world will certainly praise YOU. (If you manage to host the perfect barn wedding, that is.)
But the WORD says it has nothing to do with you. The Word says the covenant of marriage has everything to do with God. The Word says the journey of navigating a lifetime promise has everything to do with Jesus. And the only thing perfect for YOU in the equation is grace.
- See more at: http://www.moisom.com/faith/i-just-got-engaged-and-immediately-doubted-my-decision-heres-why-i-still-said-yes/#.Uw59DIWyVbe

The world says the person should be perfect for YOU. The ring should be perfect for YOU. The proposal should be perfect for YOU. The wedding should be perfect for YOU. And the Pinterest world will certainly praise YOU. (If you manage to host the perfect barn wedding, that is.)
But the WORD says it has nothing to do with you. The Word says the covenant of marriage has everything to do with God. The Word says the journey of navigating a lifetime promise has everything to do with Jesus. And the only thing perfect for YOU in the equation is grace.
- See more at: http://www.moisom.com/faith/i-just-got-engaged-and-immediately-doubted-my-decision-heres-why-i-still-said-yes/#.Uw59DIWyVbe

The world says the person should be perfect for YOU. The ring should be perfect for YOU. The proposal should be perfect for YOU. The wedding should be perfect for YOU. And the Pinterest world will certainly praise YOU. (If you manage to host the perfect barn wedding, that is.)
But the WORD says it has nothing to do with you. The Word says the covenant of marriage has everything to do with God. The Word says the journey of navigating a lifetime promise has everything to do with Jesus. And the only thing perfect for YOU in the equation is grace.
- See more at: http://www.moisom.com/faith/i-just-got-engaged-and-immediately-doubted-my-decision-heres-why-i-still-said-yes/#.Uw59DIWyVbe

The world says the person should be perfect for YOU. The ring should be perfect for YOU. The proposal should be perfect for YOU. The wedding should be perfect for YOU. And the Pinterest world will certainly praise YOU. (If you manage to host the perfect barn wedding, that is.)
But the WORD says it has nothing to do with you. The Word says the covenant of marriage has everything to do with God. The Word says the journey of navigating a lifetime promise has everything to do with Jesus. And the only thing perfect for YOU in the equation is grace.
- See more at: http://www.moisom.com/faith/i-just-got-engaged-and-immediately-doubted-my-decision-heres-why-i-still-said-yes/#.Uw5634WyVbd

The world says the person should be perfect for YOU. The ring should be perfect for YOU. The proposal should be perfect for YOU. The wedding should be perfect for YOU. And the Pinterest world will certainly praise YOU. (If you manage to host the perfect barn wedding, that is.)
But the WORD says it has nothing to do with you. The Word says the covenant of marriage has everything to do with God. The Word says the journey of navigating a lifetime promise has everything to do with Jesus. And the only thing perfect for YOU in the equation is grace.
- See more at: http://www.moisom.com/faith/i-just-got-engaged-and-immediately-doubted-my-decision-heres-why-i-still-said-yes/#.Uw59DIWyVbe

Hello, Susan..it's me, God.

One of the only downsides to my job is that I am required to work every other weekend. Working on the weekends isn't ideal for many reasons. One of which is missing church half of the month. Now I know that I could make myself stay up and go to church even though I have been up all night, but it rarely happens. This makes it easy to get out of the habit of being a regular church attender. With all my faith related angst lately, I have decided to make church attendance on my non-working weekends mandatory. So, last Sunday, I got up, got the girls and myself ready, texted Jeff, who was at hockey with Matthew,  something along the lines of.."WE ARE GOING TO CHURCH.NO DISCUSSION." and we were off.  We got the kids settled into their respective classes, found our seats in the back, because that's where we like it and listened to the Pastor deliver his message. Nothing could have prepared me for the conviction and simultaneous closeness to God I felt. The Pastor spoke about Menessah, a man who was in all ways blessed with a great life and being raised by parents who wanted him to love and serve the Lord. Unfortunately, Menessah had horridly different plans and lived a life that was anything that was pleasing to the Lord. In fact, he was about as wretched as they come. I sat in my seat listening, and I will admit, that my mind may have wandered to the spaces of, "What are we going to have for lunch?" " What do we have going on this week?" etc. I started to feel guilty and then the Pastor talked about how it's easy to ignore warning signs in our own life. He spoke of examples and here's where it got eery. One of the examples was spot on to bad decisions I have made. I distinctly felt God whispering, "You. You are here today to hear this. Hear me." I literally got chills. It continues to amaze me how God never forsakes me. Even in the midst of me forsaking Him. I felt so unworthy but at the same time I also felt that God was saying, come back to the ways you know will lead you to me. I felt hopeful for the first time in months that all was not lost when it came to my faith. Since Sunday, I have made baby steps into making my everyday world filled with steps that bring me closer to God. Having a time to read devotional, praying for my needs, my husband, my kids, my world. Choosing God. How lucky I feel to serve a God that continues to pursue me. Actually, it's not luck at all. Grace, Amazing Grace, that's what it is.