I discovered a great version of one of my favorite hymns the other night. I have listened to it no less than 200 times since. I have always loved the words of "Holy, Holy, Holy". I have found myself listening to spiritual Christmas songs in general this holiday season. Perhaps it is my new job, but I feel this season I am more reflective than in the past. One of the hardest parts of my job is having the fact that life is so very fleeting thrown at you. The enormity of life, death and all that falls between, is a reality I try and help patients and their families navigate. As much as I try and keep those harder cases and days seperate, it can't help but seep into my own reality. I have been examining my own choices, mistakes, failures (and some successes too)as the end of year draws near. I feel pretty distant from God lately. I think there are many reasons for this, all my own doing. God is always where He promises He will be, right here. I imagine him shaking his head, not unlike an earthly father, thinking to himself, "Oh dear girl." I am hopeful he still holds me dear, even amongst his disappointment. And so, in my spiritual angst, I cling to those songs, whose words bring me such comfort. Words like,
Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide thee,
though the eye of sinful man thy glory may not see,
only thou art holy; there is none beside thee,
perfect in power, in love and purity.
That is what is awesome about having a faith in God. . His love is perfect. His power is perfect.
My all time favorite Christmas hymn is "O Come O Come Emmanuel".
I can barely make it though without tears.
The lyrics that get me every time are..
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.
I love that God chose a tiny baby to be a Savior. I love the hope and promise that comes from what happened in the stable all those years ago. I love that immediately after Christmas is a new year. The New Year offers many possibilites of what can be. Of resolving to do better, be better, to try and maybe finally make things right.
