So I don't forget...

Caroline and Matthew have really changed alot this summer. Matthew has definetly emerged from a toddler to a full blown preschooler. He sometimes can be mouthy, which I don't like but he also has really profound insights into life, well beyond his four years and he is really a very sweet little boy. The other day one of the neighbor kids told him that their dad didn't like him. I know this little girl just said it to get a rise out of Matthew,although I will admit when he told me I wanted to march down the street and throw her into a wall and scream, "Don't you ever say that to him again!!" GRRR...don't mess with this mama bear:) Anyways, I was reassuring Matthew that D's dad wouldn't ever say that. He looked at me with his big soulful blue eyes and said, " Ok mama, but next time you see him could you just say, Matthew Simpson is a very nice little boy." I almost cried. That has been a hard lesson to learn for both Matthew and me..the world of pettiness and sometimes people not being nice for no reason at all. You want to protect your kids from that for as long as possible but apparently four is the threshold! He has had an amazing summer just running around with the kids around her. Playing like a little boy should in the summer. He had fun at camp grandma and at Silver Lake with Jeff's side of the family. We have a various day trips to pools and lakes and our little fishy has enjoyed every minute of it! He especially enjoyed his first tubing experience. He is so brave...I love it! I hate a wimpy kid!! He is gearing up for his second year of preschool. I think he may be shaping up to have the same school ethic as his mommy...which is NOT a good thing! He dosen't care much for working on writing his name, letters, etc. I am hoping he has the smarts of his daddy and that he can accomplish alot with not much effort. The other day I was working on his name with him when again he flashed me his big blues and said, " I think I will just work on this in the fall...Mrs. Bronsink can teach me instead of you." :) He played tennis for six weeks and enjoyed it. Swimming lessons were a disaster but you would never know it when you see him swim...he is great! He starts soccer in two weeks and we're planning on signing him up for ice skating so he can play hockey!!
Now on to our almost three year old! It has been an amazing season of growth for our little girl. Her language skills finally seem to be catching up. I would say she is still behind but definetly making progress. Not so much the case with potty training..nowhere near trained. Socially she is becoming more mature and likes to hang out with her brother and the other older kids outside. There is less chasing going on but she still loves to take all of her riding cars out and push them into the street, all the while looking at me like, " Yah, whatcha going to do about it pregnant lady?" She definetly can be all attitude and has my temper...don't make her mad...she will take it directly to heart. She is still a great sleeper...I thought she had given up naps but it was just a bad week. She naps 2 hours a day and sleeps 12 hours a night...hopefully this continues when the baby arrives. She loves to color and do crafts and is absolutely brilliant when it comes to puzzles. She loves to climb and is really agile for her age. Some of the cute things she says is, "No Maffew..don't do that!" " Oh my goodness and " I loves you mommy." She has become more of buddy for me this summer and I feel like I am enjoying her more and more.
When it comes to the new baby...and her upcoming arrival..Matthew is thrilled. He will be a great big brother. Caroline...well, lets just say the jury is still out on her. She definetly is aware that there is a baby in mommy's swollen belly and sometimes she will come up and kiss me on the belly and say, " AHhhh, baby" and other times she wacks me there and says, " No baby!!" I am sure there will be a period of adjustment for all of us...but I am sure soon everyone won't be able to remember a time we didn't have whatshername:))) No, we still haven't committed but that makes it more exciting this time.
Well, I think that catches me and you up on what my kids have been up to!

Real

Last night after talking to Jaime I was so overcome with sadness I could barely talk or even think about anything else. Jeff and I took the kids for icecream and I just wanted to cry the whole time. The unfairness of the whole situation with Sam was just really getting to me. I woke up several times last night(which is pretty usual for me these days) and just poured my heart out to God in pleading prayers for their whole family. I have said before here that I have never been close with someone going through something like this. Usually its only through others or blogs where you can choose to not check or put it out of your mind easier. But, the Ekkens are our good friends and neighbors. Our kids play together sometimes eight hours a day. I know when they are home, I know when something is up, etc. Like tonight, Jaime noticed Sam's pulse rapidily in his fontanel (soft spot). She hadn't noticed it before and wondered if I had remembered seeing it on my kids when they were little. I went over and it seemed ok to me but we decided why not call and ask and error on the side of caution. As I waited with her to see if she needed to take him in, we just talked about all of these new events and of faith and she even talked a little about her fears of the worst case and what that would mean for her long term. When there is so many times that I feel like I am so helpless in this situation to be unable to fix it, tonight it felt good to just let her talk things out with me. To just let her talk and be heard. She is so real and her heart is so full of love for Christ. She doesn't doubt her love for her or Sam, she just hates having to be in this situation...wouldn't we all.
I know that whatever God's will is for Sam, that Jaime and Steve and Makenna and Avery will be ok. I just don't want them to have that kind of heartache and when your anticipating that it might happen, you just feel so hopeless. But, as I said to her tonight, there are lots of examples of people whose lives continue on and they have HAPPY lives, despite surviving tremendous heartache. As Jaime stated in her caring bridge, she has been thinking alot about the lyrics to "Blessed be the name of the Lord" those lyrics ring so true in circumstances like Sams. He does give and take away, but if your heart chooses to say, Blessed be the name of the Lord you will be ok. He will not forsake you and better yet His peace will carry you through and you have the hope of living eternally with precious loved ones lost.
Not really sure why I am writing any of this...just on my heart.

Sam

Today Jaime took Sam to the ped cardiologist for a regular exam...it did not go well, in fact, it couldn't have gone worse. Apparently, he has developed a narrowing in his aorta which is causing his blood pressures to be too high. They need to take him to Ann Arbor next Wednesday to have a heart cath the hopefully ballon it open, to regulate his pressures, so he can have his second surgery which is already scheduled for the 14th of September.If he doesn't get the surgery, his long term prognosis is obviously very grave indeed. Jaime is obviously devasted. She loves her little boy so much and so hopes for God to heal Him. She knows that is still possible but the realities of the medical conditions Sam faces can't be ignored in times like today.
I found myself again without any words. She knew there was nothing I could say, we just hugged and I offered any help with the girls,etc. I have been pleading with God and will continue to do so. To heal this little boy, for the best possible outcome and a long life here on Earth for little Sam.
Please continue to lift this family up!
S

The sweetest baby

Today I got to watch little Sam for almost two hours...what a joy! He is such an easy going baby and so smiley! It was also a good "practice" round for our upcoming arrival. Matthew and Caroline loved having him here..but had to be reminded several times to not touch and that they couldn't hold him, etc. They just wanted to help but obviously we're all very germaphobics when it comes to him! We can't have him getting sick. I fed him his bottle and he fell asleep in my arms and I nearly was in tears holding him. Praying that this surgery that will happen in nearly three weeks will be immeasurably more successful than we can ever even hope for. That the surgeons would be able to just knit together a way for him to not struggle too much. Thinking of him with a breathing tube and chest tube again was so icky! I can't imagine being Jaime.
In other news, there isn't much. We're kind of in a holding pattern here, waiting for our little bundle to arrive. We're as ready as we're ever going to be. Its amazing how little you really need to be to bring home a baby. When you have your first you think you need so much and everything has to be washed and all set for the baby..by the third your way less concerned!
Caroline is attacking Matthew with a hockey stick...better go!

On the edge.......

I really feel lately as if I am losing my freakin mind! Today was not the best of days in the Simpson household. We had a very busy weekend and you all know from previous posts, that I am plain worn out these days..so overbooking myself and my family doesn't really seem to make much sense does it? We had to go to church today b/c our Pastor is leaving after 18 years and of course we wanted to go there to see him off. What I DID not want to do however, if go to the PIG roast in 95 degree heat. I told Jeff we should have just skipped that since and no offense to any fellow church readers out there, but they are just plain irritating if you have small children and you add to that heat and being 35 weeks pregnant and you just about want to shoot yourself:) We then brought our nephew Derek back here to play with Matthew which was actually the best idea we had all day. Then, later in the evening Caroline decides to draw with crayon all over out living room carpet! I kinda of lost my temper with more than a few family members and ended up in tears on the living room floor, RESOLVE in one hand and tissues in the other. Its just that I already feel so overwhelmed that I truly can't imagine an infant in this crazy world of ours..actually I can imagine it..that is what is scaring the crap out of me. Plus,I know that for lack of time,etc that I won't be able to feed the spiritual needs of me as much either!! HELP!!!

Seriously Sue!

After thinking about my post about the Facebook issue and talking to my favorite sounding board and advice giver (Jeff) I am officially apologizing for questionining said "defriender"'s Christianity. The anon commenter is right, I have no right or way of knowing how "Christian" someone is and to make a sweeping generalization like that is not at all what Christ would have us do. So, I apologize. I guess there is a chance that this person never deleted me, I will never know. But, me being passive aggressive back certainly says nothing about my Christianity.
Today, as I was stewing about all of this, I got a call from Jaime who was very emotional about Sam's second surgery being scheduled. As I sat there and listened I thought to myself, "Seriously Sue...people are dealing with REAL issues, REAL heartaches, and your stewing over Facebook friends"...Grow up!
I love a good self pep talk!:)

So, again...sorry if anyone is offended...my mom was and is right, If you don't have anything nice to blog about...don't blog at all:)

Seriously people

I just realized that a person deleted me from their "friends" on Facebook. Is this the newest form of social rejection? Now, I have to say, that I pretty much think this person represents everything that is wrong with Christianity today. So, I am not surprised nor do I care since I really am not friends with them anyways, but seriously...deleting each other on FB?
To that end, I am seriously thinking about making my blog private. I am tired of not knowing who reads it and really don't want people I don't particularly care for having access to it anymore.
I will have to consider it some more and let you know...until then...

34 weeks and I want this baby out!

Never in my past two pregnancies did I ever want to have a baby more!! I am officially uncomfortable, sick of peeing every ten minutes, want to be done! I had a dream last night about our little darling and wonder if her looks will match the dream. She was just a petite little thing in my dream with a danity little look about her. Time will tell...officially I have five weeks and four days and yes, I am counting.
I think the kids are ready, heck what am I saying, what almost three and 4 year old are ready for a new infant to come into their little worlds!? I am ready to just get on with it and have our world's turned upside down! Really, I am ready to hold this little piece of heaven, to smell that newborn smell again, to nurse a teeny tiny one again and to try to not get bogged down in all the chaos but to just cherish her and our time together b/c it is so, so fleeting.
Baby Sam will probably have his second surgery around the same time as she makes her debut. I am praying that is goes smoothly and that he is back at home and meeting his new buddy as soon as possible. Things have gotten pretty normal again around here with us and when Jaime told me about his second surgery being sooner than later, I have to admit that I found myself taken aback. When you see Sam, he seems so normal. You do forget that this little guy only is working with half a heart. I know he is in the best possible hands imaginable and the God has him in the palm of his hand. I just pray that Jaime and Steve and the girls would sense that and all would go as good as it could and that they are able to resume their new normal again here in Portage!