Its a job

That is my new outlook on parenting. Before I had kids, I thought of parenting as easy, breezy because, quite frankly, that is how most of my nannying gigs were. When I wasn't the parent, kids pretty much always listened, I was creative all the time because I was being paid to be, I was patient most of the time b/c I knew come six o clock I was outta there and it was there parents job to pick up the slack.
Now, its me (and Jeff) 24-7! And b/c I have chosen to stay home, its pretty much me a majority of the time. The other day,I was having a rather rough day and had enough of little boys not listening and little girls whiny incessently and I was screaming at the kids and thought.." What the heck is going on here?" "Is this really what I want my kids to remember about growing up? A super stressed out, screaming, over reactive mommy? Of course not?! But, at the same time, its soooooooo very draining and not at all what I thought it would look like that it gets really depressing! Add to that thought a newborn and I might just be committed...SERIOUSLY! So, I have decided to look at it more like a job. To plan, to speak to my kids, especially when they are at their worst with love and patience because after all I would expect that of someone being paid to watch them! I have been trying to do things they would like to do, even when I don't feel like it because I owe that much to them. I have been given two precious gifts and many days I feel like I don't look at it like that at all. We will see how this all pans out once baby girl arrives and all hell breaks loose!:)
Speaking of her, she will come on Sept 17th now if all goes as planned. We still aren't firm on her name but have narrowed it down. We have pieced together all our "hand me down" items from various friends, garage sales and second hand shops. All I really have to do is wash the clothes and things she will need during those first weeks. I will admit I am SUPER excited to meet this little girl. Every night when I am falling asleep I think about the c sec and that moment when I will see her.
This weekend we're going out to dinner with friends tonight and tomorrow we're going to Grand Rapids for a party at our friends house. We're spending the night! Probably our last night away before we're parents of three! Have a good weekend!
S

Believing God

I was praying this morning and among the many prayers were specific prayers for baby Sam and little Kate who is suffering with a brain tumor. I found myself praying for the specific needs that their individual parents have posted/asked for and then I started drifting off to "Susanland" This is where I start to question and doubt the power of my prayers. I so often feel like God has made up His mind about the various things that are happening in people's lives so what is the point in me praying for what I want or what other people are begging me to pray for? I know that is not something I should be admitting but its how I feel. I so often feel at ease when I am praying that God would help these people through the situation but not for once believing he could change it. That saddens me. I mean where is my faith in that? I know when I think like this Satan is so happy. I can just see that nasty bastard down in hell thinking, "Aha!! There is that trusty Susan Simpson doubting God and his abilities! Just what I wanted!" :(
The fact is that I know God can heal anyone he chooses to, its just seems in this imperfect world that you hear about those people who aren't. I never doubt the REALNESS and palbability of God in people's lives during times of trial..even in the seemingly small things. For example, Sam has been having issues with blood in his stool when he is exclusively fed breastmilk..it seems that his little body doesn't react well to dairy. So, they have had to put him on Nutramigen, which is a horribly expensive formula. Jaime told me a neat story about how they had run of it and were talking about how much it sucks to pay fifty bucks a week for formula when they were headed to a party. When they got there a friend of theirs who reads their caringpage had bought them two cans b/c he knew it was really expensive..nice guy, ok, sure but more than that..GOD..in the smallest of details. When I look at and hold little Sam and see his precious, precious smile..I WHOLE HEARTEDLY believe that his second surgery will go well and that God has a great, long life planned for him. Why can't I translate that into my prayers?
Do any of you struggle with this...if so any tips?

September 18th

Is when the new little bundle of joy will appear in our lives. I went to the doctor today and was surprised at this date. For Matthew I was induced and after a horrific experience which included the doctor and midwife basically standing on me and throwing out "F" bombs...Matthew was born via c sec. Apparently, actually, I should say, IRONICALLY..I have a small pelvis. Go figure! The one thing on me that I needed to be large..is small. Anyways, I went for a repeat c sec with Caroline and for being awake whilst being cut open goes,it was a very pleasent experience. But, I had her a 39 weeks. So I went in there today all expecting the 10th or 11th to be her birthday. I have switched doctors and this man, an incredibly nice Indian doctor says he doesn't like to do c secs until closer to 40 weeks for risks of respitory issues. The chance is small that something would be wrong but he doesn't see the point in taking the chance. I can't really either..especially after seeing little Sam the Man on a vent a few months back...NO THANK YOU! So, I must endure pregnancy for an additional week. Of course mother nature and baby S may have an idea all there own. I know plenty of people who have had planned c secs and their babies come all on their own.
Have you noticed I am not constantly calling the baby Emma? Yes, indecision had crept its way back into my naming abilities. I don't know why I struggle so much with naming girls. I still think it will end up being Emma but kinda of want to see her and see what happens. I have thought of some new names to. Jeff isn't a fan of some of them so we will see what I can accomplish between now and September 18th.
Matthew started swimming lessons this week and loves it! Next week tennis starts for six weeks, which he is super excited for. He has been driving mommy really nuts lately so I am trying to stay sane but man that kid can drive me CRAZY!
I finally started reading my Bible again. After reading one of Jaime's caring bridge posts, I have started reading JOHN. We're even going to start doing a Bible study together once a week together. Can I say again how blessed I am to have her in my life and especially as my neighbor!!!

Summertime...and the livins easy...

Today is the last day of our vacation here at Silver Lake. Its been a pretty good week. A little cooler than one would expect for the second week of July, but we've had fun swimming, going on Uncle Brian's boat, visiting a petting farm and just being with family. We've had our entire family in one room, Jeff and I (and Emma)in a king sized bed, Caroline in the pack/play that she has officially grown out of and Matthew in a twin bed. This combo makes for early mornings and Jeff and I commented that vacations certainly aren't what they used to be. I was remembering our honeymoon yesterday at the pool. Floating on the lazy river, holding hands, parousing up to the bar, that was in the pool for a pina colada. We've exchanged that for sippy cups and swim floats and noodles. Instead of sleeping till 11, we're up at the crack of dawn to little voices pleading for "Juice,cereal,waffles!"
Last year seemed to be very stressful with me dragging Matthew into the car and leaving early b/c I couldn't take one more minute of misbeahvior anymore. This year hasn't been without misbehavior and not without mommy freaking out but I like to think there has been more enjoyable and peaceful moments. Moments that the kids will start to keep locked inside their precious little minds and memories of week's spent at the cottage. The thought of having another bundle here next summer is a bit overwhelming, but hey, I have a year to adjust right!!
Next week we're back to our boring lives back in Portage and our normal routines. Matthew has swimming lessons and the weather is suppose to be nice, so we will no doubt spend lots of time hanging out with our neighborhood friends.
With only nine weeks to go,I am defintely starting to "feel" the ramifications of being pregnant. I tire pretty easily and just feel pregnant. Although I still, 30 weeks later can't believe I am. I wonder if when I get to see little E for the first time if it will all suddenly click!?

Family

We're here in Silver Lake, on vacation with Jeff's family for the week. We've only been here for a day, but so far its been very fun and enjoyable time. Matthew and Caroline are at such a fun age to bring on vacation. At 4 and nearly 3, they are a lot less high maintenance this year. Matthew, who is quite the little fish,loves the water and is really able to be in the water without alot of help. Caroline, needs a little more help, but with her cute little voice pleading for "Huggies, huggies!" from every family member who happens to be near her in the water, she is one cute waterbug! The cottage Jeff's mom rented this year is much more condusive to small kids, with a nice sized lawn and sandy area. Last night we took Matthew to the fireworks, where he was adorable. He asked if the fish in Silver Lake could see the fireworks too and when I said probably he responded by saying, " I bet they are saying, (making a fish noise with his mouth) Wow...these fireworks are beautiful." It was one of those moments that you forget all the naughty times and just hug them a little tighter. I have been following and praying for the Buck's friend's little girl,Kate, who was found to have a brain tumor this week. When you hear about stories like this, it reminds you to hug your little ones a little tighter.
I am planning on continuing to enjoy the week,enjoy my family and especially my little boy and girl!! Have a great week!!!