Ray LaMontagne

I have been listening to this musician alot lately and LOVE him! I discovered him about three years ago and really have never heard a song of his I don't love. I especially love "Let it be me" and "You are the best thing"
I recommend downloading immediately:)
Happy listening!

Free to be you and me..

Remember that song?! Today, I met Jaime and the girls at McDonald's for lunch. Its kinda of becoming a regular thing for us. Its rare moments where we have the kids but the mix of french fries and a germ laden playland keep them mostly occupied for the most part so we can just talk. And it usually it goes to "theology" and baby Sam. Even before these events happened to Jaime, I found in her a kindered spirit of being able to be very "real" about how I think about faith and loss and fear. She said to me a few weeks ago that its nice to be able to talk to me b/c I am morbid. Some may take that as a negative but I know she meant it more as a compliment. I think she feels like she can disclose more of what she is thinking about all of this and not feeling like she has to "sugar" coat or "faith" coat anything. She can just say what she is thinking. Today we were debating Old Testament God with New Testament
" Christ" :) We like New Testament God way more..mercy!!
I like that since finding out about Sam that I can still be myself with Jaime. Our friendship hasn't changed. I can be me and she can be her! I love how God brings fabulous people into my life!
Hope you all have someone that you can be free with!
S

Samuel Ekkens

Jaime and Steve have chosen a name for their upcoming arrival, Samuel! I love this name and am happy to be able to call him by name in my prayers. They have set up a caring bridge page for little Sam. Please visit and pray for them! Here is the link

Dear Friends and Family,
I created a CaringBridge site to keep you up to date on Samuel Ekkens. CaringBridge is a nonprofit organization that helps friends and families stay connected.
You can visit Samuel's CaringBridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/samuelekkens

We're keeping busy around here. Busy week of MOPS, its spa day..fabulous and I have a massage scheduled tommorrow that is offered for free for pregnant moms!! Love it! Two days of pampering! I have a prayer request for myself and the kids, I am really trying to NOT scream at them. It was getting better but I had a wake up call this weekend about being more merciful and loving in my parenting and really want to get this under control. So please specifically pray that I would work ON NOT SCREAMING when I have asked for the 100th time that Matthew not body slam his sister from the arm of the couch:)Ahh parenting!
S

If ________ then________!

I am doing the most recent Beth Moore study on Esther at Southridge Church. I will fully admit that with all the yucky, nauseousness, I have been really bad about getting there on Monday nights and have been even worse about completing my homework. But, last night, as I lay on the couch after yet another bout of dry heaving, I thought to myself, "Just cancel Barb and stay home" Jeff was working late and so barb was coming over to stay with the kids. Then I thought, " But, if I stay home I have to put the kids to bed, at least I can just sit and maybe learn something, just go" Nice mommy huh? So, I went and once again Beth and the HS powerfully spoke to me.
Last night's discussion was on FEAR and how it can ruin our walks and how the devil loves to use FEAR to bring us away from TRUSTING in our FAITH and the LORD. One profound thing Beth said that will forever stick with me is if ______ happened, meaning the worst thing you could imagine then what happens? Beth disclosed that one of her greatest fears is her husband falling in love with someone else and leaving her. She said she has really worked through this with God over the last 14 months and felt like when she would be fearing this God would say, then what? To which she listed off several reactions that would take place if indeed her husband left her b/c he fell in love with someone else. By the way, I couldn't imagine that being a fear for her! Why would anyone leave that godly women, just goes to show us how we're all human I guess. Anyways, she finished the sentence by saying, " If my husband left me, then my God would still be FAITHFUL, he would still be the SAME GOD! What a simple yet such a freeing statement. Because its so wonderfully true.
My blanks would be If one of my children died, then GOD WOULD STILL BE GOD! and He would carry me through it. I have seen this carried out in many of the women's lives I am privledged to know. I know that statement is true for Shelly and Jaime and JoEllen and in the lives of other's people's lives I read about. It just didn't seem to apply to me. Now, I am not saying that I welcome those things happening but at the end of the day FEARING them will no longer rule my life or my FAITH. I am sure some of you out there may be thinking," DUH!" But it was a profound moment for me. I nearly cried at the joy of not having to fear. Of knowing no matter what if, God will never leave me.

Insurance prayers

Jaime and Steve went to Ann Arbor yesterday to get a consult with the specialists there. It seems that Priority Health would cover that part of it but is leaning toward not allowing them to go there once the baby is born. After going there, Jaime is certain this is where the baby needs to be in order for the best possible chance of survivial and quality of life. They faced some pretty grim and hard realities yesterday. It was so hard to hear her talk about all of this and not be able to "fix" anything or really say anything that seemed helpful. I know all she really needs is to be able to talk and be heard and I am glad to be able to do that.
Please pray that PH would cover U of M for them. Tell everyone you know that prays to pray...

My best poker face

As I lay awake last night praying for Jaime, the title of the this post came to me. Why was I awake in the midst of the night praying for my dear friend..b/c I found out last night that her insurance has denied them going to Ann Arbor. Its so frustrating and unfair. My heart literally felt like it was going to break for her last night. She is so overwhelmed and feeling like she isn't being able to give her baby the best possible medical care. But, then I felt like God was saying, " What if Ann Arbor isn't where I want this baby to be?" I found some comfort in this thought. That perhaps, the hospital where he will go is really where God wants him to be. That God has it all figured out and we should just pray that God's will be done.
Then I thought of my own little baby and all the anxiety that goes with wondering if everything will be ok and thought.." Don't give me anything difficult God, I don't want to grow through something like that..I might not keep the faith, so don't test me." Then I thought, " You stupid, stupid girl, you can't bargain with God, what will be will be." Don't you all wish you were sleeping next to me?:)
So, the poker face thought comes from me thinking I can not exactly let God what I am thinking. Like he doesn't know my every thought, desire, fear..etc
I remember when Josh Buck spoke at our church awhile ago about all he and his family have endured he said something that has stuck with me deeper than anything I have ever heard...He said, " God is more interested in you becoming more like Him than he is in you being happy here on this earth." Wow...pretty powerful words. And, truthfully, is exactly why believing in God scares the crap out of me. I totally admit to wanting the easy, happy, road really traveled. God, well his dosen't seem to be too fond of that way of life.
Not sure why I am posting all of this..probably b/c my friend's baby is gravely sick and his future is unknown, I hurt for her and worry that something equally crappy could one day happen to me. Maybe, just a guess..

Zofran,,my new best friend

So I have posted about how the nausea and vomiting of this pregnancy is really getting to me. I spent most of the weekend sleeping in bed. It was not fun! You know that feeling you have when you have the stomach flu and your just about to puke and that rush of salivia pours into your mouth as you run into the bathroom? That is me..24-7. I called on Friday afternoon and they told me to come in today for a B6 shot. Then, this weekend I had another bout of mild spotting so I called this morning and they switched the apt to a midwife apt to check out the spotting. I did get the B6 shot which hurt like a mother and they also did another ultrasound to check out beanie baby who is still doing wonderfully. This time it was in the real u/s room with the "big" machine. You could see the little arm and leg buds...really cool. Beanie's heartrate was 169 which is good. Not that I was too worried, for real this time:), afterall isn't puking your guts out a sign of a healthy pregnancy for goodness sake. Apparently my body just likes to shed some blood in early pregnancy.
They also gave me Zofran which is what they give cancer patients undergoing chemo and radiation and boy does it work! I feel better right now then I have in two weeks!
Some prayer requests for Jaime and her situation
They are running into some insurance issues with having to go to Ann Arbor, pray that they would be resolved...this is huge in terms of costs!
They are scheduled to go to Ann Arbor this Friday to see the specialists. Pray for miraculous good news. We know our God can do anything in this baby's life!
Pray for peace as it all gets more and more real to them!
S

one tiny heartbeat

Is what we saw on Wednesday afternoon at the doctor's office. I was very happy and so was the daddy to be! I would have been surprised had we not seen one b/c I have been so sick. We're talking lay on the couch feel like I have the flu, sleep all day, dry heave when I am not..sick. Its been horrible. I am on phenegran every six hours which helps some but makes me so tired. Its been a tough week. I am feeling pretty discouraged but then I remember that this will all be worth it when we hold that little bundle in September. I also try and remind myself that there are so many people out there who would die to have one child and to be able to get pregnant so easily. But, then sometimes the sarcastic part of my mind thinks.."Oh yah..take my fertile myrtleness!" Just kidding.
This weekend should be moderatly survivable. Jeff came home early today and I was able to rest in our room for a couple hours without kids. Later tonight we're watching "Fireproof" b/c we're starting that bible study on Sunday night. Tommorrow Jeff has to work ALL day! Then when he comes home I am meeting some girls from church for dinner. Sunday we have the regular church and small group.
That is about all..I think I might toss my cookies! Hope your all better than me!
S