The saddest baby in the world

That was Caroline yesterday! Poor little girl! It began, as I said in the last post with a blood draw in the morning. Well, her fever continued to climb yesterday so they had me bring her back in b/c her white blood cells and neophil count was climbing, which seemed to indicate a probable bacterial infection and they wanted to test her urine. I had been trying to collect it in this little puck but had no luck b/c with the fever and her unwillingness to drink anything she was not making very many wet diapers. So, I had to take her back to the lab for another blood draw and then to the ped office for a catheter and two antibiodic shots. It was heartbreaking! She just kept looking at me through her sobbing tears and seem to be saying, "Why mommy?" Then to make matters more stressful,the doc came in and said, "Oh, good, she doesn't look toxic!" Apparently, she was so dehaydrated that they contemplated admitting her for fluids. You never would have known she was sick if you saw her all day at home, running around like normal. My kids never seem to act like sick kids though. So, she continued with the fever until 2am when it broke and she dosen't have one so far today. I took her in for a recheck and they said her inital urine came back with trace bacteria so we will know more tommorrow once the culture is done. She is on an oral antibiodic and should continue on her road to recovery unless she spikes another fever in which case they would admit her for iv antibiodics for the UTI. Now that is alot of info!
I am glad she is not feverish today, although she is in a pretty foul mood !I think she may know she isn't going to the church Pumpkin Party!!:)
Got to love kids, never a dull moment!
S

Can't catch a break

Caroline that is! Poor little girl has had some drama the last few days.It all began yesterday with what began as a seemingly innoncent one year check up. I thought I had booked it with a doc that was familiar with her eye issues. I was wrong and thus the drama began. She asked a bunch of questions about the wandering and I explained the whole red eye reflex issue, etc. So, upon checking her for her red eye she says to me"Well, I am really glad your getting a second opinion b/c her red eye reflex does concern me." to which I responded, "Well, there not addressing the red eye anymore, they are addressing the estropia." Caroline has been to two opthomology offices and both doctors had to dialate her eyes to see it and they both said she has really small pupils and its hard to see it in brown eye kids as well. Even with all this info, she is still making me feel like she isn't convinced. So, I finally tell her that and say, "This office is making me start to feel like you think something is really wrong,yet you don't do anything to definitevely tell me anything."Basically b/c I know that she is thinking with the red eye reflex being absent she may have a tumor. She admitted that and then said the one word that horrifies more than anything..neuroblastoma. A horrifying childhood cancer that I never want my child's name and it said in the same sentence. She kept saying, " I don't think she has a tumor, but if it would make you feel better we can run some blood tests" Finally, on the verge of tears I said, that yes, I want her tested for cancer markers so I can know that it JUST A LAZY EYE!! Then Caroline had to get three shots and after her pm nap she woke up with a 103 degree fever that lasted all night! Today was the blood draw and they couldn't get blood out of her right arm so we had to do the left too! They should have the results back tommorrow, which I am confident are fine, but geez!! I know docs have to cover their own bums, but its tough to be a parent in an over cautious world! I will definetly only be seeing the same doc for her annual apts from now on, so that they at least might be somewhat familiar with her and her eye issues!
In other, non Caroline news, I had fun at the Hearts at Home conference. It was very worthwhile and I highly recommend it!We had the Fall Festival for my MOPS fall fundraiser,which also went well. Matthew looks so stinkin cute in his Buzz costume! He loves it!! I will post Halloween later this week!

S

Bubies

Matthew and Caroline have so many nicknames, all of which are crazy and random. I get this from my dad who nicknames all people. When I was a little girl his favorite nicknames for me were "Baggy" and "Rag a muffin", he called one of my sister's old boyfriends "Cheap Suit" and calls Matthew, "O'Shansky" and "Hooligan". Jeff and I call Matthew, bubs, bubbers, bubie boy, roonie, roon and little buddy. We call Caroline, squeaky, Anna, sweet, bubie girl and roonie girl and my favorite, stinky crappy napper girl.

When my sister stopped by she took some pics, they turned out great. With exception of Caroline either not looking at the camera or having her eye turn in, but hey thats her!! i am really starting to notice people stare at her and I am reminded of how it was when Matthew wore his helmet. People are so obvious and rude sometimes. Back to the pics, I totally should have just let her take her 1 year pic instead of wasting money on a real photographer, who by the way is showing me what will likely turn out to be 400 pics of a crying Caroline tommorrow night. Anyways, my sister is pretty talented, check these out...

Can I be 22 again?

I am having that kind of day. The kind where you just want to take a mommy break and be free to do whatever you want,how you want, where you want, the way you want. I was going to get my hair colored today and heard a song that reminded me of college. I decided to call my friend who works on her cell phone. She didn't answer but called me right back and thought something was wrong. I said, "No, I was just wishing we lived at 540 Charles street and I was calling to figure out the plan for going out tonight" We chuckled at our days of reckless abandon gone by.

I feel so blessed that I started my "married and family" life later in my twenties and early thirties. I got married when I was 28 and had Matthew when I was 30.I lived many years of being carefree and doing whatever I wanted. So, usually, the sacrifices that marriage and motherhood demand don't really get to me. But, today, I am feeling a little in the dumps. I am really looking forward to the Hearts at Home conference.I really think its going to renenergize me and hopefully refocus me on my role as wife and mom.

I don't mean to complain, I am not really, just expressing the way I am feeling at this moment on a gloomy, windy Friday night in Portage! I hope all out in blogger land have a great weekend!
S

Drama Queen

That is what we like to call Caroline and boy did she show that side of herself off today! I took her for her one year pics and it went horribly! She cried, hysterically almost the whole time! She didn't like that he wanted her to sit in one spot so she would start to freak out whenever they put her there. I go back to see the pictures next Tuesday so we will see! If I got one good one,I will be happy I guess!

What else? There is alot going on right now. With the upcoming surgery, the holidays really around the corner, and the general business of life. I am feeling excited about the surgery. I completly trust the doctors. It is really weird to think about losing so much weight in a relatively short amount of time. I have been overweight since I can remember. Although, I was looking back at some old photos and really I wish I had been left alone...I wasn't all that big and I think if I wasn't so obsessed with it back in the day , it might not have gotten this bad. I am excited to be able to do all the things I want to do and not be limited by my extra pds anymore! It seems almost too good to be true. I am trying to remain prayerful about each step and seek God through it all.
We are starting a new book for our small group tonight. Its called, Growing the Marriage of your dreams by Max Lucado.I hope it goes well and that we all take some things back that can help build our marriages up. Church is having some issues lately,and I have to say that I am so thankful for our small group. I think people can really underestimate the power that getting people connected on a smaller level can have. There are times when I am fed up with the whole church thing but my small group keeps me coming back and riding the storms out!
Well, I better get going so I can do my small group homework, although its on what your wife wants...seems like a topic for Jeff, who is not going to make it tonight, he is in Chicago!
S

Birthday bash!

Caroline is offically one!! We had her party today! We had a full house of family and friends and a good time was had by all..at least I think so!! Caroline loved her cake and all the people and mostly being allowed to explore the house. We took most of the gates down and she and Matthew were beside themselves with joy at exploring the forbidden and unknown. I enjoyed this party..didn't stress too much. My mom came yesterday and was a big help. She is feeling so much better and seems like good old mom in so many ways! Matthew loved the party! He kept saying,"We're having a party!" and had a huge smile most of the day. That is until bedtime when he had a major breakdown. Too much sugar! Good day for the Simpsons!!Can't believe how much has changed in a year. I was thinking that last night,as I fed Caroline at 3:30am! Lots has changed in my life and those around me. Yet, through all of it, the joy of bringing a new baby, healthy and happy, into this world, to facing a pretty yucky diagnosis for my mom this summer, God is with us through it all. I am so thankful right now for His constant presence. Through it all, God is God!
Ok, randomness..I know..this is what happens when I post at night. I am more pensive then I guess. Anyways, here is a slideshow of or little one year old!

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Sweet Caroline

Happy Birthday sweet little girl! What joy you have brought to everyone's life who is blessed to know you! We love you and can't wait till your party tommorrow!

Birthday countdown

Tommorrow Caroline will be one! I can hardly believe that the time has flown by so fast!! She is acting like such a big girl lately though so it does seems like a long time since she was a wee infant crying her little colicky head off ! I do not miss those days! She continues to be a nighttime stinker! Last night she went to bed at 6ish(because she took a crappy pm nap and was so tired by then she could hardly make it to 6!) and then I heard her crying at 8:30 and again at 11pm. Then, this morning, Jeff had to get up really early b/c he had a conference in Detroit and I heard her making noise at 5:40 and was so irritated. Well, when I went in to her room she was SOAKED!! Complete and totally pee out! Miss chunky monkey has grown out of her 4 diapies! Everything was so wet so I had to change it all and Jeff had to leave which made things slightly more dificult. She did go back to bed till 7:30 though and still took a morning nap.I think is hard for me to be really strict with her on the nightime waking b/c I feel like she is our last"baby" and who really cares anyways? Jeff does not concur with this! Anyways, this morning we went to a playdate at our friends house where Matthew had tons of fun playing with big boy Jonah's stuff. He loves playing with big kids. Caroline was pretty content too.

Tommorrow my mom comes in for C's bday. We were just going to have family and then we decided to have friends too. Its suppose to be perfect fall weather to celebrate our little pumpkin! I will post pics,etc on Sunday. Happy early Weekend!
S

Allergies.

I am in allergy hell right now. I can't tell you how much I wish for a cold,cold day!! Its unlikely you will ever hear me complain about cool or cold weather. I love it and the thought of living permantely in a climate that is always warm is not at all something I would desire.

On Sat, Jeff and I,along with four couples from church went to a family from church's "lodge". This couple is so generous in letting people use it free of charge. Its very nice, but very rustic. Apparently the man who owned it for like 40+ years didn't really maintain it. So, its very musty and if your a person with allergies its pretty miserable. I was ok on Sat, but on Sat night, I must have tossed and turned all night. It was very uncomfortable..I have never longed for morning so bad in my life! We left around 11:30 am and pretty much as soon as we arrived home I was hit with full body shivers, a headache and just general misery! Thank goodness for Jeff, who took over for me in the kid department. I spent the who day laying on the couch or sleeping. I still feel pretty yucky today but not nearly as achey. I think my body just shuts down in a way when its bombarded with too many allergens.

In other news, tommorrow I go to GR to meet with the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. Its the first of several apts that I have this month. I am looking forward to meeting him and asking more questions.

I think that is about it, the big birthday for Caroline is coming up..busy week but lots of fun stuff! More to post later...
S

Kids

I was watching the kids play today and can't believe how big they are getting! Caroline will be one next Friday!! It seems like I just saw her wrinkly little face on that snowy October morning last year. Yet, here we are a year later, and its 82 degrees!! She is such a joy, albeit a crappy sleeper. She is still waking up sometime between 2 and 5am. Last night, Jeff fed her and I heard him say to her"Its a good thing your so cute because this is a bunch of crap!":)) Hey, what can I saw, we keep it real in the Simpson household. She is taking steps, usually four or five at a time and is one tough cookie! Even when Matthew pummels her, she never cries and just plows right over him. We decided to seek a second opinion concerning her eye. The nurse practioner we recently saw recommended a doc in Grand Rapids and his first apt was JAN 7th!! So, we will wait patiently until then I guess.

Matthew's speech is exploding! He loves to make believe with his stuffed animals. He often says"Come on mommy, come on, play" but then just wants the dolls to keep saying "Hi" it can get annoying but I often remind myself what a blessing he is and to be able to be at home with him playing the same thing over and over is. Many people would die for that opportunity. He is still driving me crazy but always wins me over with those darn dimples!

This weekend we are going to a small group retreat. A night away will be very nice and we love our small group. Hopefully Matthew will survive the babysitter, or should I say hopefully the babysitter survives Matthew!!

S

A hockey no go

Well, we tried. To have Matthew play hockey that is! We were looking for something to get him involved in and since Jeff was a hockey player he has looked forward to the day his son could put on a pair of skates and glide down the ice! YAH RIGHT!!!
Although I wasn't there, from what Jeff said it included alot of sqwerming and not wanting to listen and wanting to run on the ice. He then screamed when they took him off the ice and he was screaming "No!! ICE ICE!!"

Here are some pics!

S