Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Fall Funk

School started today and for the first time in the five years I have had children in school I was not excited. We all know that I am not the kind of mom that is all.." I have so enjoyed every minute with my little bundles of blessings." Please. Let's continue to keep it real here, I was thrilled to run to Costco without anyone asking me for a million things. But, I have enjoyed the laid back nature of this summer. To only have myself to get ready while the village it seemed to take (three sitters in three months due to various scheduling conflicts among them) tended to the morning routine of the hooligans. No homework, not worrying about when they went to bed, not caring all that much who showered when. (Don't worry we didn't get too funky over here.)  The sporting season did go into mid July for us due to Caroline making the softball all star team which made me our shortened "no sports" nights all that more enjoyable.
With Fall comes football and hockey for Matthew and soccer for the girls. Caroline is playing on a travel league this year that practices a good twenty five minutes from our home. Good gravy, are you still reading? Are you thinking, "Wah, wah wah?" I know, first world problems of epic proportions! It just feels from this day until next July it is rush, rush, rush. I am trying to be more organized with the school portions of things because, let's face it, the Simpson kids start limping to the school finish line around January! I am determined to have the kids spend time doing their homework, reading before bed, actually fostering good learner behaviors.
A dimension of my stress level comes from my work stress being at an all time high. We are down providers and I am literally running all day at work feeling like I can never catch my breath. I am trying hard not to take this stress, which is hardly my children or my husband's fault, out on them. But, I failing more often than not. I am grouchy and irritated. There is no end in sight at work and let's face it, my kids are still young. I have miles and miles of homework, lunches to make, conferences and sporting events to attend before I can make myself a bowl of cereal for dinner and enjoy my empty nest. I don't want to wish these years away. I know I will miss them. I know I will say to myself one day, "Why didn't you enjoy it more?"
And then I run into a wife of a patient who died all too soon and she thanks me for what I do. I rarely run into my work in the community. When I do see a patient or family member I don't say anything because I want to respect their privacy and  in this woman's case, her grieving. As I walked away from her, I was humbled. Yes, working, parenting and marriage is so hard and it seems like it sometimes it is ALL hard. But, these things that stress the hell out of me, are also what make life worth living. Simply said, I need to get it the heck together. I am wishing the moments away and missing out on all that is truly important and really all I hold dear. That is no way to live. How do you fellow parents swing it? What keeps you sane and grounded?! HELP!

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