Saturday, July 25, 2015

And Yet..

I posted an article on Facebook last week from the NY Times that I loved about marriage. There was a Buddhist quote in there that I especially loved. "Life is suffering..and yet". The author of the article lamented about lessons she's learned thirteen years into her marriage. She made comparisons to the phrase "and yet" to the parts of marriage that are good and bad. You married your spouse promising for better than worse, richer than poorer and yet you can not really comprehend, in those first years of marriage, what worse and poorer looks like. You can appreciate the ways you may struggle but you have not yet known struggle. Thank goodness for that or most likely no one would ever embark on the journey, right!? For the past few years I felt like life in general has had a lot of frustrating aspects of "and yet". And yet I kept feeling like nothing was good enough. And yet why do I get so frustrated with parenting? And yet why does it always seem like I am having a crisis of faith? And yet why does it seem everyone has a better marriage than I do? And yet I was so sick of it all. About three months ago I was truly sick of all the shit and said AND YET what the hell are you going to do about it? I am so blessed to have a few awesome friends who I was able to call and say..Listen! I am struggling. I need support and accountability. I need someone to help me walk this path! I am failing! They said, "Sure! Let's meet weekly and talk about our lives, our faith, our struggles! Let's pray for each other! " We've done this each week since June and what a difference it has made. This accountability in conjunction with consistent quiet times and church attendance, has me feeling hopeful and happy. I feel more like myself and who I am meant to be for the first time in a long time.
This summer has been a great one for our family. We have a wonderful babysitter whose kept the kids happy and entertained. We just returned from a wonderful family vacation in Silver Lake with Jeff's family filled with sunshine and beach days and swimming. Matthew spent a week with my parents and is going to hockey camp next week. Caroline is spending her week with my parents next week and soccer camp is the following week for her. Ellie is going to Spring Hill day camp at our church this week, her first camping experience!
This summer has been filled with the good side of "And yet". Sure, marriage can be tough and yet you find yourself on a beautiful friend's lakeside deck, enjoying a beautiful summer day, chatting and talking about all the awesome memories you have and think.."Wow! I love this guy and the life we've built together." There have been crappy times and yet they make the good times all the sweeter. Parenting can suck and yet you find yourself happily playing on the beach and in the lake and you think "Well, this does not suck. This is what I imagined having kids to look like." Work can be depressing, stressful and irritating and yet when you are able to help a family walk the path of losing their loved one in a way that gives them dignity and grace, you find yourself in awe that you have that privilege on a daily basis. I love being on the upside of the "and yet's" lately. I know that I must continue to do the hard work in order to keep on this path that is better for me. When the going gets tough or I find myself thinking and doing things that have only found trouble, I have to continue to make the decisions that keep me pointed the way I know is what God wants for me.  Every day I am able to do this it gets easier and easier to feel like I am back on the path I wished I had never strayed from.
Wishing you a wonderful rest of the summer! This mom is not looking forward to the busyness of fall! Lots of running, running, running! And yet, I am sure it will be a wonderful adventure!

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