Thursday, September 18, 2014

Old habits die hard..

I am still on my diet. I am still losing weight. In fact, I am nearly to my lowest post surgery weight. Go me! But, I am continuing to realize what a mental game this weight loss crap is and really life changes in general. I am the queen of thinking I have mastered or conquered something in my life that is a stumbling block and then, in what seems like moments ,I have reverted back to the behavior that got me into the mess in the first place. Take for example what I have been referring to a the "peanut butter sandwich incident". Last weekend I worked. I love, love, love my job but working weekends is tough on my soul, my resolve, my body. I feel that all I do is work and sleep and try and cram some sustenance in. I am just trying to keep my head above water most weekends. Last weekend I did not do my usual prep for the diet. No veggies were sliced, no cabbage/meat stew (my favorite meal on this diet) was prepared, no chicken sausage in the fridge. What was there was a big ol' package of white bread and a Sam's club size container of JIF. What happened next was I awoke on Saturday, a mere two hours after a laid my weary head down, starving and before I knew it I was MAKING A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH ON WHITE BREAD! I took two bites and then was overcome with such a sense of  WHAT THE WHAT are you DOING?! I threw it away and took the two extra minutes it required to make one of my package ideal protein foods. I went back to bed, somewhat satisfied and definitely laughing at what a diet and really, life dork I am. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am the kind of person that, has to decide to do the right thing. I want the easy way out. I don't naturally want to work at anything. I want to be a better mom, wife, friend, dieter, human but only if it is easy. The path of least resistance is paved with peanut butter apparently! Susan Simpson, she doesn't really want to work to hard at it.  The reality is that when I don't put effort into anything I value, like my health, my marriage, my children, I sow no seeds. The soil lies parched and any dull wind threatens to blow it all away. I have realized through this specific journey with dieting, and especially in this season of my life, how much our mind controls even the smallest actions. My mind wants to trick me into thinking, "Just have that damn sandwich, it doesn't matter." But, it does matter. Old habits will die hard and you won't be able to teach an old dog new tricks if you don't fight for it.
When I began this diet plan, I had no intentions of going past September. I am proud to say I have reached the goal I set for myself at the beginning of the summer. I actual set a goal and completed it. But, in achieving this goal, I have realized how much my mind wants to limit my body. My Ideal protein coach made a great point when we met this week. She basically said, "Your head wants to keep you at a certain weight, a certain size, your heart and your body can blow that out of the water. " Amen, sister! In these last six months before I turn 40, I want to blow the old Susan Azzaro Simpson out of the water. I want to challenge her to become more than she could ever imagine. I want to see how we can not only improve her health, her body and her fitness level ,but also how we can change those toxic ways of thinking and in turn acting.

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