Wednesday, January 15, 2014

New Year blues

2014 has gotten off to a bit of a craptastic start. I will preface this post by saying that I know I am overwhelmingly blessed. We have all the important things one needs in life. Okay, now that I have gotten that out of the way, on to the moaning and groaning. It all began around Christmas. I wrote in my last post how I just couldn't seem to get my act together during the holiday season. I never did seem to catch the holiday spirit which really was hard for me because I am such a lover of all things Christmas. Christmas rolled into New Years and the funk has continued. I feel restless and generally discontent. Worst of all,  I am not sure of how to find my way out of this abyss. It's at times like this, when I am so very thankful for a partner like Jeff. Oh, how that man knows me. We've had some pretty good heart to heart talks these past few weeks. We've set financial goals and are trying our best to make a concerted effort to work on our marriage and being a stronger, more connected couple.  I read on a Momastery post that Glennon wrote about how when she got married her parents told her they wouldn't contribute much financially towards a big wedding because really you need to get ten years in to really celebrate. How those sentiments resonate with me. I told Jeff the other night, through a tearful mini-breakdown, that sometimes it seems like so much work to be an adult. With job stress, debt stress, kid stress, relationship stress, faith stress, it sometimes can seem like every day is a struggle. I long for those carefree days of youth.
I still feel like I am in a limbo of sorts when it comes to my faith. I have been searching my heart for answers to why I seem to always have issues with my faith. The most important step in reconciling it being going to God in prayer, daily, even when I feel like I am not worthy.
On top of this emotional angst there have been broken down cars and other issues that make it easy to become discouraged. Still, I know that things could be so much worse and feel grateful for the little blessings and encouragement that have come along the way. The kids are doing great. My husband loves me. I have a job I love. I have so many lifelong friends who I am able to call on a moments notice and twenty minutes later I feel hopeful and heard. Most importantly, I have God who I know, even through my doubts, longs for me to bring him all of my brokenness and put it back together, piece by piece. Here's to hoping for happier days in this new year..

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