I have been thinking a lot lately about the kind of legacy I am leaving my children. Maybe it has to do with recollecting all my Grandma Satterfield taught me, maybe it is my internship at the Children's trauma assessment center, maybe it is my course work for my MSW program, who knows? What has weighed heavy on my soul is how your legacy can be for good or for very bad. I think of people I have known throughout the years, who have been taught through their family's example, how to be very destructive and evil. Thankfully, I have also known families whose legacy it has been to be loving, giving and faithful. I have read things lately around the blogesphere that have shown how sometimes people don't even know they are living an unrighteous legacy. They truly believe they are loving God and others but their actions and words exhibit such a different reality. It struck me how once a "bad" legacy gets started, the people involved in it seem to draw others into their lives that value and act in similar ways, thereby spreading the ugliness.
I am not perfect. I fall short in nearly every way possible. I like to think that I am pretty aware of my shortcomings however. I pray that I am always able to check myself and my motives. I pray that my friends and family continue to do this as well. I don't ever want to live a life that doesn't reflect a heart that is right.
I pray that my children are able to see me for my attributes but also for my faults. I hope they believe me when I apologize and see me honestly attempting to make it right. That they see me living differently. One of the most valuable gifts my MSW program has given me is the ability to see myself in new and different ways. Sometimes this has been great. I see where I am strong, where I have worked through some of the ugliness that is in me. Other times I realize that I am always a work in progress. I am a very raw material. I pray that I never get too cocky or complacent about my shortcomings. I want to continue striving to be the best me person I can be. I want to lead by example to all I am blessed to be in family, community and relationship with.