My supervisor at my internship has a little girl that is the same age as Ellie. She told me on Friday that she is pregnant with another little person due in September. Now don't get me wrong, I love my internship supervisor. In fact, if you just read my last post you read the glowing praises I had to say about her. But, and I say this with the utmost respect, she only has one kid. Her little one if well behaved, easy going and life for her as a mother so far as been pretty darn perfect. I remember when I was her. You think you're so savvy, you've got this mothering down. Nothing phased me in the first year of Matthew's life. I remember many a nights, gently rocking him, singing to him, nursing without issue, reading to him, praying over him. I was consistent with everything. I was never overwhelmed. As I type this I laugh because little did I know how much my life would soon be rocked...TO THE CORE! When Matthew was a mere nine months old I became pregnant with Caroline, unexpectedly. I feel like I literally got pregnant with Caroline and it triggered something inside of my sweet little boy. He became, well, hmm..how should I put this?? Well,he became a pain in the arse! Into everything. Speech delayed, walking delayed, busy, busy, busy!!! Then when Matthew was 18 months old Caroline arrived on the scene. We love our sweet girl but she has been a pistol since she popped her head out of the cesarean incision! Colicky, finicky, horrid nurser. (Of course she had redeeming qualities, which I am omitting for dramatic effect!:)
My perfect parenting, it went to hell in a hand basket. Caroline's bed time routine consisted of shoving a bottle into her mouth and holding her at just the right angle so she didn't puke it all back up. Caroline's medical dramas also began pretty soon after her arrival. All the planning and good intentions in the world were trumped over and over by the demands of being a mom to two children under the age of two. I learned some of the most challenging and hardest lessons during that season in my life. All my life, all I had ever wanted was to be a mother. When I was a mom to one child, it was if a dream came true. Then a mere two years later and I was overwhelmed and often sad. We found our way, Matthew, Caroline and I. Through great friends, supportive family, an incredible husband, a faith in a God that I could always lean on, we made it. Did I make mistakes? Hell yes! Do I continue to? Certainly! Do I find that life has more balance now a days? YES! Do I ever miss those days of the past? Not quite yet. The kids, being ages 7,5.5 and 2.5 are still little and they can still frazzle me. But, slowly but surely,this momma has gotten her groove back. I have realized why I wanted to be a mother again. I have found ways to discipline that work. I have begun to understand that for every bad thing you do, the few good, consistent things really round it all out. At the end of the day, I have three beautiful, sweet, healthy and for the most part, well behaved children. They are resilient thank goodness and for every grouchy mommy day I have given them, the ones where we lay around in our pajamas coloring and watching movies seem to over ride the not so good days. As my mom always said as I was growing up, " I do the best I can!" In the end, that's all anyone can really do.
And so when I am tempted to give Sheryl lots of advice about what to expect and what to do and what not to do, I tell myself to shush. She'll find her own path, I am sure of it. And if she should find herself the mother of a crazy, colicky, asthmatic, speech delayed, sensory craving child..well then, I am at the ready:) In closing, in my nearly seven years of parenting I only have one piece of advice to any prospective parent and it is.." Never say never and never say always!"