Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Bike ride with God!

I first read this poem many moons ago it seems. When I first became a Christian. It was in a book about servanthood that I read one night after the kids I was babysitting went to bed. By the way those kids are now in college! One of them is serving the Lord in Thailand right now!! Anyways..its always stuck with me. How wonderful it is to have Christ in control but also how scary sometimes. As I continue to explore what servanthood means in my life I find myself reading this over and over and remind myself just to keep PEDALING! HE will take care of the rest...

When I first met Christ
It seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
But it was a tandem bike,
And I noticed that Christ
Was in the back helping me pedal.

I don't know just when it was that
He suggested we change places,
But life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way,
It was rather boring, but predictable...
It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts,
Up mountains, and through rocky places,
At breakneck speeds,
It was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,

He said,

I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
And I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life
And entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed.
Gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
They're extra baggage, too much weight."

So I did, I gave them to the people we met,
And I found that in giving I received,
And still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, In control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
But He knows bike secrets,
Knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
Knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
Knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up
and pedal in the strangest places,
And I'm beginning to enjoy the view
And the cool breeze on my face
With my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says...


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Squeaky the sickie..

Caroline's nickname from about the second day of her life has been "Squeaky". She was a very noisy baby, always "squeaking" and so one day Jeff called her that and four and a half years later its stuck. We call her Squeaky or Squeak nearly 80% of the time. I know someday soon she will demand that we not call her that.
Anywhoo..Caroline has,by far, the most medical issues of our three children. It all began when she was first born and had horrible skin and eczema. Then when she was nine months old she developed a pretty severe lazy eye. Upon further examination by an opthomologist it was determined that she was also severely far sighted. So at fifteen months, Caroline started wearing glasses. At 18 months we discovered that she has a severe peanut and egg allergy. She has always been intolerant of milk too.
Last Spring we had our first experience with asthma and this winter its been HORRIBLE for her. I can't remember many days when she hasn't been coughing. She weezes much of the time as well. We have taken all of this in stride because quite frankly in the grand scheme of things when you know kids that are battling cancer and severe heart defects your not too upset by things like asthma and glasses.
But these past weeks Caroline has complained of stomach pains and leg pain and keeps getting low grade fevers in the evening/night time. I took her to the ped for the regular checks of ear infection, strep, urinary tract infection, all of which were negative. So then the doctor ordered some blood tests and a chest and abdominal x ray to see if we could figure out a reason for the strange symptoms.
For those of you who haven't met Caroline, there is no way to possibly explain the hell it was to get her blood drawn not once but TWICE!! The first time the lady just plain sucked and so the next day her daddy took her back for another and thankfully more successful draw. The nurse called me on Friday to say that the doctor wanted to add more tests b/c she had only gotten two of the first draw back and they were abnormal and that something on the abdominal xray were off as well. Talk about freaking a mommy out! I spent all day worrying that Caroline had something very wrong. Then at 6p.m. another nurse calls me back to say that her CBC(complete blood count) came back and it was normal but the other tests weren't back yet. When I asked about the x rays the nurse, who wasn't the original one I had spoken with said," Oh, its says nothing about an x ray here so it must have been nothing!" I could have screamed!! I feel like the first nurse freaked me out for nothing!
We still have to wait on the blood tests to determine that all is well in the grand scheme of major things being wrong. But I still feel there is so much we could be doing to help Caroline live a more healthy life. I have a friend whose son struggles with some of the same issues and has begun a special diet. I plan on talking to her and the doctor and in May a pulmonologist. Hopefully, we can get all of these issues undercontrol.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Immeasurably more..

I LOVE the following verse in Ephesians. I think its my favorite Bible verse for a couple of reasons. One, it speaks to the very human, fleshy part of me that is scared of all the crap that can happen in a lifetime of living. I am working on giving that part of myself fully over to God because it clearly keeps me from having a deeper more meaningful relationship with Him. I know that until I TRUST Him fully with ALL of my life, I will never have the close communion that I so desire.
Secondly, I love this verse because it speaks to my favorite part of faith..OPTIMISM, HOPE and GRACE. I believe that God wants the best for me and is more than capable of doing immeasurably more in EVERY situation. The thing that I sometimes fail to get is HOW He does it. If I pray for someone who is ill and they die, does that mean He didn't do immeasurably more? No. It seems sometimes my IMMEASURABLY more and God's IMMEASURABLY more aren't the same. Do I trust His plan? Yes. Is it hard to not know all there is to know when you or someone you love is going through valleys in life..YES! Can I continue to ask God to do immeasurably more in the obvious ways..Yes! Sometimes I can't wait to get to heaven b/c I have sooooo many questions about this kind of stuff. Of course I know when I get there all these questions will seem trivial and all I will really be thinking is.."I am in Heaven..ROCK on!!" :)
I am praying for immeasurably more for Sweet Sam, who is scheduled to have his THIRD open heart surgery on April 19th. Please, if you share my faith and pray..lift this dear little lad and his awesome family up to the Lord. That immeasurably more would occur,that is would be a succesful surgery. For peace for his mommy and daddy and loads of other people who love him so very much. Also pray for a fellow MOPS mommy whose sweet little daughter is facing a 5th open heart surgery tomorrow despite the fact that she is only 2 months old! Pray for wisdom for her surgeon(who just happens to be Sam's too!)

Ephesians 3:20 (New International Version, ©2011)

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

Saturday, March 05, 2011


I fear I have become just that..complacent. Last night at church we had a banquet to kick off in a sorts, a campaign to raise $170,000 for missions in our church and community. First of all can I say again how much I love our new pastor and his passion for what the LORD wants for our church! Ever since I read Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love" I have felt very convicted about certain things. One of them being that I strongly feel God has little tolerance for people whose only goals in life are to get,get,get. I have spoken to this before on my blog. God doesn't give a crap about your house or your car or your clothes! He does care about YOU caring more about those things than those around us who desperatly need HIM.
The thing is I know this but little in my life has changed to reflect this. I still buy things I don't need. I still covet things others have. My dreams sadly reflect those of a person with self-serving ambitions.
As Jeff and I left the church and discussed what we heard and saw the conversation inevitably came to the ulitmate point of the night.."How much are we willing to give?" Money. Yuck. I fully admit to really stinking when it comes to sacrifice. I am all about talking a great game about it but in the end, almost 90% of the time when the going gets tough and I am truly being faced with sacrificing..I find a way out.
But here's the thing. I really haven't found a way out. Because of my choices to do what I want instead of what GOD wants I have done nothing to bring glory to God or his kingdom. No souls will be won if I continue to live a life of complacency.
Certainly when I die I don't want to hear God say to me, "Wow. You really dropped the ball. There is so much I could have accomplished if you would have only let me."
I feel like for the past year or so I have basically just been drifting in my walk. Not growing, not leading, not changing the hearts of those around me who need the salvation of Christ. I need to pray about how to change that. I am certain simply cutting a check each month isn't going to "cut" it. More is required and expected of me from this great God I am priveledged to serve.
I have got some serious soul searching to do. I just hope I get my act together this time!