Monday, June 21, 2010

Heaven Stands...

I was listening to a new song I have fallen in love with recently and thinking to myself, "These words really remind me of someone who needs to cling to God through an awful time." I know I should never think like that, for it never fails to come true. Literally five minutes after thinking this I found an email in my inbox from Matthew's preschool teacher with the horrible news that his classmate from this past year's class,had drowned on Saturday.
Words can't even begin to describe the horrid pit of sadness that is so very deep within me these past few days. John was a dear,little soul. He was quiet, unassuming, as far as my contact with him went. He was one of six children and his mother had his littlest sibling, a sister, Christina only a day before Ellie was born. We almost always came into school at the same time, almost always running late, smiling at each other with that knowing mother glance of "Yep..late again!"
One day in particular as John was putting his coat in his locker,he stuck his foot, with what was obvious to be a new pair of shoes on it and he had this huge smile. I asked them if they were new and he just shook his yet with unspeakable joy on his face. The couple of times that I helped in Matthew's class, I would observe how nicely John played by himself, he seemed to have an amazing imagination and would kind of tune out the other kids. I joked with the teacher that he proabably liked the peace of being at school and playing whatever he wanted with lots of siblings at home.
I know John is in heaven. I know this. But my mother's heart knows that no matter how great we KNOW heaven WILL be..its not where we are and its so fundamentally against everything in our HUMAN nature to bury our dear, sweet lovely children.
Its times like this that make me ache for Christ to come back. I can't fathom what his parents must be enduring. So again, I do the only thing I cry out to God to pour His grace,compassion and love on them. To thank him for what he did for all of us so that we know that ONE DAY HE WILL SET ALL THINGS RIGHT.
When you walked upon the Earth, you healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands
Your hands that shaped the world, are holding me, are holding me still...strong>
These are some of the lyrcis to JJ Heller's Heaven Stands. If your heart is heavy..go,listen...and hopefully find the same peace I am in knowing that YOU NEVER have to leave His hands...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Girls Weekend

Today at noon I am leaving for a whole weekend with some great girlfriends in South Haven. We have been doing this every summer for about ten years now!! We all met through our husbands and I have to say I can't imagine my life without these women or this group. Since the "guys" originally met in highschool at Portage Northern, somehow the nickname "Portage Posse" started. We often refer to ourselves as the posse or posse wives or whatever applies on that particular day. There are over a dozen couples and almost thirty kids between us now.
Although I am so excited for some rest and relaxation, my heart is heavy. One of our good friends from this group's dad is dying of cancer. The doctors have just given him weeks to live, so two of the girl's (his daughter and daughter in law) obviously won't be coming and for what they are all enduring we are all so sorry. Their dad, Dick, has also been a huge party of our "posse". Coming to our parties, tailgates, weddings, etc. He has been a father figure to Jeff and several of the other guys who didn't have dads growing up. I pray his journey from this world to the next is as pain free as possible and for peace for all of them.
Its seems again, as of late, that there is just a lot of yucko news out there. Instead of getting bogged down in it all,I am trying to just pray through it all and learn and grow through it all.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Five,three and nine months

Today is Ellie's nine month time flies! It certainly didn't feel like her gestation went by that fast:) In honor of this, I have decided to do a kid update. I haven't done one in awhile and I love looking back at my posts about what the kids are up to. Right now Caroline is saying in her husky little voice, "Stop doing that momma!" meaning me we will see how far I get:)
We will start with the oldest, Matthew, recently turned five and getting older and wiser with every passing day. Sometimes this makes me happy, as he is a great big brother and help to me. But other days it makes me miss the days when he was just a little guy. His maturity also helps remind me that kids do grow out of phases and that the things that drive you crazy beyond belief pass away. He loves playing outside and hates eveything to do with school..good thing its summer. He has become our night owl. He still loves a good snuggle with his mommy. He adores his cousin Derek and cherishes time spent with him. He can be very passionate and impulsive. Determined when he puts his mind to something. I love him dearly.
Caroline is three and a half. Still a challenge but still holds a special place right in the middle of my heart. Thanks to speech therapy, her speech skills have greatly improved in the last six months. Especially her language skills. She is a repeater which can get Jeff and I into trouble:( While she does have an attitude lots of times, her great determination serves her well in accomplishing her goals. Caroline is the master of many skills Matthew still could care less to do, like dressing herself, putting on her shoes, getting herself food, riding a tricycle and peddling it. We are still working on channeling her passion for good but I think we will all make it!!
Elizabeth or Ellie, is still a dear little soul. Laid back, with crazy curly hair and mesmerizing blue eyes she continues to be my sunshine. A little delayed in the gross motor dept, she went to physical therapy dept and has made great strides in the last month. She can now roll and sit and really wants to crawl. She seems to be following her brother and sister's lead with all or nothing. She adores her siblings and kicks ferociously when she sees anyone she loves. She sleeps, she eats,she plays.
ALthough I have written before that my kids tend to drive me to the brink of insanity, as I read over this post I am humbled and greatful. I have spent several minutes reading Caringbridge pages about kids who have cancer, have suffered strokes due to open hear surgery and of course baby Sam. I thank God for the health of my children and for the mundaneness of the little irriation that every child brings b/c so many mothers and fathers would do anything for that.