Thursday, April 15, 2010

losing my mind

That is how I been feeling lately. I have been in really dark,dark place with parenting and especially with dealing with Caroline. Caroline is sweet and loving but she is perhaps the most strong willed child I have ever known, and I have known some doosies! IN dealing with her I have seen myself become completly unglued, unnerved, frazzled and plain insane. It all came to a head last week when a combination of factors led me to have a mini breakdown. I joke about it but it was very scary and I literally wanted to get in the car and drive away. Not a nice feeling to have.
So, instead of just giving up and living with this constant feeling of dread of having to mother for another minute, I decided to do something. To call a therapist, for myself and for Caroline. To be determined to do some serious soul searching and seriously commit to being a better person for myself and in turn my children. I am sure there will be moments again where I want to throw in the towel but where would that get any of us?
I share this not for pity's sake but for any of you out there who also stuggle with the grind and wear of parenting, especially a more difficult child...I feel your pain. Just wanted someone to know how it feels from this side of the keyboard..


Jeannie said...

Oh yes, right there with you. I remember driving off into the night once in Michigan, listening to Sara Groves, journaling and just generally feeling crappy. Hang in there and keep writing about it! :)

Heather said...

I will pray for you Sue! I know how tough it can be.

Anonymous said...

I will pray for you and your children. I pray that you will do the right thing and stay with your family. Please know that they need you deeply. I went through a time like this and I had to withdraw from the online world of blogs, facebook and myspace in order to devote time to my family. I will pray for you to have the strength to get through the difficult times.

Susan said...

I am not leaving my family. Just felt really overwhelmed..just wanted to clear that up..

Nyssa's Mommy said...

I know. I need to see someone, but not for my stuff with Nyssa. (I have seriously thought about finding someone to figure out all this other stuff.) I know I'll calm down soon, my job is over in 2 weeks (I'm kind of counting down). I'm scared to pieces that I don't have anything lined up. I also know that it will make me a much happier person than I am right now. It scares me when I lose my patience with her so quickly. (I don't hit her or anything, I just have no patience. Don't anyone in bloggieland take that the wrong way.)I hate it, I'm not like that. As I said, I know this will change once my job changes.

My daughter is kind of stubborn. I've been told she's like her Momma like way. :) There will come a day when I will love and adore that about her so much more. When she's older I won't have to worry as much about others taking advantage!

I need to call you. We haven't talked in forever. I say, good for you for doing something about it! Good grief this is long. Seriously. We need to chat soon! Take care Sue-Sue

Hummel Family said...

I just now read this post, so glad I did! I too, have my share of dark days in Motherhood. I often wonder if I need to talk to someone like a therapist. I am curious if you have gone to one yet? If so, how is it going? Do you feel it has helped you? I know I can be way too hard on myself at times. Maybe I think life should be perfect, when in reality, it never can be perfect.

If you ever get time, I KNOW YOU ARE BUSY, let me know how things are going. Or maybe you can update about this on your blog.

God bless!