Sunday, February 28, 2010

If only I could bubble tape my life...

Interesting title...
Last Monday started out ordinary. I woke up, made coffee, piddled around,Matthew had a snow day. Then, I went to work and thirty minutes into my shift ordinary life came screeching to a halt when my boss came in to tell us that our co worker Ashley was killed only hours earlier in a car crash. Each time in my life that I received news like this I remember the feelings of hearing that initial news. Now, with Ashley it was more disbelief. I mean I have only worked at Park Village Pines for about four months. In all honesty, Ashley and I weren't super close. But, she was 18, she was loved by many people and ..she was 18!! Too young to leave this world.
I excused myself to the bathroom and wept for her and her family, especially her mother. As a mother myself now, I really was stuck with thinking about the horror that she was going through. All week at work it was sad and eery being there.
Today before my shift, I went to the funeral home and saw a young, innocent, girl who would have turned 19 the day before, laying in a casket. There is nothing right about that. I thought of my own precious daughters and didn't even want to think about how it would feel to see one of them in this situation. I thought about how it would be nice to put a "bubble tape" of sorts around everyone and everything you hold dear. Then I thought of my amazing faith. Because of what Christ did for me and you on the cross..I don't need bubble tape. I have the ultimate protection of Christ making it all "ok" one day. But, that doesn't mean that I don't completly freak out when I hear about young girls dying in car crashes or sweet six year olds with brain tumors and it goes on and on. I started this post last night and before I sat down to finish it this morning I checked on Kate McRae's caringbridge. Usually when I read it I am moved but this morning, probably because of this past week, I am sobbing. I so want this world not to be broken. I don't want to hear about any more suffering or dying or pain. I want to be in a world where there are not children dying or earthquakes or any of it. Thank God I can set my eyes upon what is ahead during dark times like these. I really can't imagine living a life where this was it. How horridly depressing would that be?!
Well, I guess since I can't bubble tape my life, I should go do my Bible study..the best bubble tape around:)
Happy March blogging peeps!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Blogs for sale

Lately I have been becoming increasingly irritated with the blog by the name "MCKMAMA" I don't really feel like going into the whole back story about what this blog is about. If your so inclined go to There, you will find lots of information about Jennifer and her family of six, soon to be seven. There are two things I have noticed about this phenonenon of blogs having been "sold out" by which I mean, what was once a blog like mine starts to draw more and more readers. This draws the attention of advertisers. This leads to advertisments and lots and lots of posting. And, in my opinion the honesty and rawness of the blog starts to become compromised. For example with MckMama..I feel like its getting more and more contrived. Like she has a three posts a day minimium. One of her commenters made a statement about how when your reading other people's blogs with whom you don't actually "know" its easy to think you really do know them. This statement really resonates with me. I have said before that I have struggled with blog stalking. But, I have never pretended that I have real relationships with those people. Real, in the sense that I have seen them face to face and really know what they are like, not just what they type they are like. I will say, that I have some friends that I would never have had if it hadn't been for this blogging world and I do consider them friends even though we never met. They, however don't subsitiute the friends I have that I can touch:) Although JoEllen and Kelley..if your reading, you just might get touched by me someday because I would love the chance to "meet":)
I guess what I am saying, in my normal drawn out,long winded fashion is everything in moderation. The computer and this world of blogging, FBing, Tweeting, etc has the ability to bring us away from real fellowship.I want to keepconnected and keep praying for those in need. I want updates about stuff that is going on out there. I like being able to look at a picture of a guy I use to have a crush on in high school and think.."Yep...glad he passed on me!!" But, I would always choose to have the realness of crying and praying with a friend in her living room b/c her son's heart isn't fully developed. I will always choose the dinner with a girlfriend whose marriage is in shambles. The thirty minutes a day I spend looking blogging stuff up could never replace the years of real life living I have done with my friends.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Can't I have my cake and eat it too??

I started going back to Bible study Fellowship again in January. This year they are studying John. It is probably my fifth time being in BSF. I have been in several Bible studies and I have to say BSF is my favorite. I have learned the most about the Bible through my BSF studies. One of the things I love most about being a Christian is when you seek Christ, through His word, how he SO delivers. It amazes me how no matter where I am in life, HIS word IS relevant! So where in the part of John where Jesus raises Lazarus and then Mary annoints Jesus with washing his feet in the expensive oil and Judas freaks and then betrays Jesus. Our teaching leader spoke this week about Mary's sacrifice and how pleasing that was to the Lord. How its not always about how much things cost but what it COSTS us! In debating the whole Christian ed thing, this really struck a chord with me. I am definetly the kind of person who likes to think I can sacrifice but really in the end, most of the times, I bail on it when it gets uncomfortable for me. I was talking to Jaime about this yesterday and said,"Geez, Abraham was going to sacrifice his son and I don't even want to give up my coffee maker!" I was kinda of joking but in all honesty, not really. I am sure this comes from not being in close communion with God. But, as I have been spending more time in prayer about this, I do hear God's voice more and more clearly regarding sacrifice and how it can glorify the Lord. I often think if I am not suffering in an obvious way that I am not really serving God. But I think one of things God is trying to show me is that when we are obedient to what he desires for our lives, it can impact others just as much as a more obvious sacrifice does.