Last night after talking to Jaime I was so overcome with sadness I could barely talk or even think about anything else. Jeff and I took the kids for icecream and I just wanted to cry the whole time. The unfairness of the whole situation with Sam was just really getting to me. I woke up several times last night(which is pretty usual for me these days) and just poured my heart out to God in pleading prayers for their whole family. I have said before here that I have never been close with someone going through something like this. Usually its only through others or blogs where you can choose to not check or put it out of your mind easier. But, the Ekkens are our good friends and neighbors. Our kids play together sometimes eight hours a day. I know when they are home, I know when something is up, etc. Like tonight, Jaime noticed Sam's pulse rapidily in his fontanel (soft spot). She hadn't noticed it before and wondered if I had remembered seeing it on my kids when they were little. I went over and it seemed ok to me but we decided why not call and ask and error on the side of caution. As I waited with her to see if she needed to take him in, we just talked about all of these new events and of faith and she even talked a little about her fears of the worst case and what that would mean for her long term. When there is so many times that I feel like I am so helpless in this situation to be unable to fix it, tonight it felt good to just let her talk things out with me. To just let her talk and be heard. She is so real and her heart is so full of love for Christ. She doesn't doubt her love for her or Sam, she just hates having to be in this situation...wouldn't we all.
I know that whatever God's will is for Sam, that Jaime and Steve and Makenna and Avery will be ok. I just don't want them to have that kind of heartache and when your anticipating that it might happen, you just feel so hopeless. But, as I said to her tonight, there are lots of examples of people whose lives continue on and they have HAPPY lives, despite surviving tremendous heartache. As Jaime stated in her caring bridge, she has been thinking alot about the lyrics to "Blessed be the name of the Lord" those lyrics ring so true in circumstances like Sams. He does give and take away, but if your heart chooses to say, Blessed be the name of the Lord you will be ok. He will not forsake you and better yet His peace will carry you through and you have the hope of living eternally with precious loved ones lost.
Not really sure why I am writing any of this...just on my heart.