I was praying this morning and among the many prayers were specific prayers for baby Sam and little Kate who is suffering with a brain tumor. I found myself praying for the specific needs that their individual parents have posted/asked for and then I started drifting off to "Susanland" This is where I start to question and doubt the power of my prayers. I so often feel like God has made up His mind about the various things that are happening in people's lives so what is the point in me praying for what I want or what other people are begging me to pray for? I know that is not something I should be admitting but its how I feel. I so often feel at ease when I am praying that God would help these people through the situation but not for once believing he could change it. That saddens me. I mean where is my faith in that? I know when I think like this Satan is so happy. I can just see that nasty bastard down in hell thinking, "Aha!! There is that trusty Susan Simpson doubting God and his abilities! Just what I wanted!" :(
The fact is that I know God can heal anyone he chooses to, its just seems in this imperfect world that you hear about those people who aren't. I never doubt the REALNESS and palbability of God in people's lives during times of trial..even in the seemingly small things. For example, Sam has been having issues with blood in his stool when he is exclusively fed breastmilk..it seems that his little body doesn't react well to dairy. So, they have had to put him on Nutramigen, which is a horribly expensive formula. Jaime told me a neat story about how they had run of it and were talking about how much it sucks to pay fifty bucks a week for formula when they were headed to a party. When they got there a friend of theirs who reads their caringpage had bought them two cans b/c he knew it was really expensive..nice guy, ok, sure but more than that..GOD..in the smallest of details. When I look at and hold little Sam and see his precious, precious smile..I WHOLE HEARTEDLY believe that his second surgery will go well and that God has a great, long life planned for him. Why can't I translate that into my prayers?
Do any of you struggle with this...if so any tips?