Tuesday, June 09, 2009

keepin it real

Ok, I have read two blog posts by Shelly Buck that have inspired me to have a "keepin it real" post of my own! I love reading Shelly's blog b/c its raw and honest and those happen to be two of my favorite things. Strange I know! The first one was on marriage and how their marriage got to a dangerously bad place. I am sure none of us, who can truly be honest with ourselves would ever be surprised at this. Jeff and I have been married for six years. Yes, I love him, yes,he is a wonderful father. But, since the arrival of our two small children our marriage has definetly taken its hits. Our kids are high energy, high maintanence, sensory challenged, little spit fires. They have taught me so much about my short comings and faults. Yes, they have also taught me wonderful things and I wouldn't trade them for ANYONE else..ever! But, they have shown me that when the going gets tough, this mama takes it out on daddy. I yell at him way too much. We were getting to a point awhile back where I thought we could very easily slip into the world of not really ever talking about anything except our kids for twenty years and one day wake up and say, "Yah, you..not so much, see ya!" I am sure no one needs details of anyone's intimate life but lets just say baby Simpson's conception was a miracle for lots of reasons, namely that we hardly ever go to bed at the same time and one day you just find yourself thinking, " When is the last time we kissed or hugged or snuggled?" Then I am out with friends and feel like everyone and their brother is kissing and hugging and "doing it" and I secretly wonder, "Seriously?!"
I know people are well aware of my faults as a mom, because they see me freaking out, or chasing Matthew or pulling myself off a screaming Caroline in the nursery EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY FOR THE LAST TWO AND A HALF YEARS:) I am way more willing to take the easy way out and that doesn't make for the best of anyone.
So, as I close in on Emma's arrival, I am finding that our life is so richly blessed. That I do have active, busy kids. But, they are healthy and happy and normal. I might not be making out everynight, snuggling on the couch with my husband but I am finding the time to kiss him and appreciate him and talk to him about something other than our kids. When I have Emma, I am sure my life will be turned upside down but I know I will hold that little girl with so much love and emotion having been tainted by the realities of what it means to bring home a baby your not sure will be with you forever. Will I continue to get frustrated? YES! Will I continue to start new discipline techniques and give up by 10am? YES!! Will I always be the best Christian God desires of me? NO! Will I keep trying and keep on keepin it real...YES! Will I keep eating pop tarts for breakfast while my kids munch on Trix and Cooca Puffs...HELL YES! Maybe I will throw in some flaxseed for good measure:)
Kudos to people like you, Shelly, for being real and keeping us laughing, crying and at the end of the day...becoming better women, friends, moms and wives!!

1 comment:

Shelly Buck said...

I am honored that you would even read my blog much less respond to it. Glad you like to keep it real with me!