Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Just keep swimming...

The "Fall funk" moved its way out and was replaced with a new, improved attitude of, "I CAN DO THIS!" I will pack lunches the night before, make crock pot meals and pretend to like them when the kids complain, do a load of laundry and fold it every day (but put it away, no,I can't make that type of commitment!), go to bed early, remember where those three kids of mine are suppose to be each night and get them there, make sure the girls are wearing the RIGHT color soccer uniform. I stupidly volunteered to be Caroline's soccer team's manger and oh.my.goodness. what was I thinking? But, even with the stress that has been added, I am trying to embrace a "If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger attitude." And let me tell you, IT JUST MIGHT KILL ME:)!
Work continues to get more and more stressful by the day. But, the thing about working with people who are dying is that you realize that WORK and most of things that cause people to stress, in the END, do not matter. So I am focusing on being the best social worker I can be to the people that are after all , dying. Because that work matters. The rest will work itself out, or not! 
I am doing better, overall, with caring about the things that matter. Surrounding myself with people that improve my outlook, and keep me on a positive path. Jeff and I are in a small group with some families from church and what a wonderful thing this has been. Connecting with a group of people who share your same values and have similar demographics( married, threeish kids, CRAZY lives, trying to be the best spouse/parents/christians/workers) we can be. Accountability. AMEN! This is what has been missing. Jeff and I are both so excited to develop these relationships and grow closer together and to God. We continue to try and find our way, Jeff and I. Sometimes we seem so close and aligned. In fact, most days we are. Some days I lose it on him and BLAME him for everything. Most of the time I apologize and ALL the time Jeff is gracious. Grace is something I am trying to practice more of. Giving those around me the grace I so freely get from my husband and always from God. Telling the kids I am sorry when I lose my crap on them over things that really aren't their fault and even if it is, losing your temper doesn't teach them anything other than how to not be able to effectively manage stress. Forgiving people who treat me badly because chances are I have done the same to them or someone at some point.
The Simpsons are ready for fall! A new season! New opportunities! New challenges! New friendships! New attitudes! (PRAY FOR US!) :)

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Fall Funk

School started today and for the first time in the five years I have had children in school I was not excited. We all know that I am not the kind of mom that is all.." I have so enjoyed every minute with my little bundles of blessings." Please. Let's continue to keep it real here, I was thrilled to run to Costco without anyone asking me for a million things. But, I have enjoyed the laid back nature of this summer. To only have myself to get ready while the village it seemed to take (three sitters in three months due to various scheduling conflicts among them) tended to the morning routine of the hooligans. No homework, not worrying about when they went to bed, not caring all that much who showered when. (Don't worry we didn't get too funky over here.)  The sporting season did go into mid July for us due to Caroline making the softball all star team which made me our shortened "no sports" nights all that more enjoyable.
With Fall comes football and hockey for Matthew and soccer for the girls. Caroline is playing on a travel league this year that practices a good twenty five minutes from our home. Good gravy, are you still reading? Are you thinking, "Wah, wah wah?" I know, first world problems of epic proportions! It just feels from this day until next July it is rush, rush, rush. I am trying to be more organized with the school portions of things because, let's face it, the Simpson kids start limping to the school finish line around January! I am determined to have the kids spend time doing their homework, reading before bed, actually fostering good learner behaviors.
A dimension of my stress level comes from my work stress being at an all time high. We are down providers and I am literally running all day at work feeling like I can never catch my breath. I am trying hard not to take this stress, which is hardly my children or my husband's fault, out on them. But, I failing more often than not. I am grouchy and irritated. There is no end in sight at work and let's face it, my kids are still young. I have miles and miles of homework, lunches to make, conferences and sporting events to attend before I can make myself a bowl of cereal for dinner and enjoy my empty nest. I don't want to wish these years away. I know I will miss them. I know I will say to myself one day, "Why didn't you enjoy it more?"
And then I run into a wife of a patient who died all too soon and she thanks me for what I do. I rarely run into my work in the community. When I do see a patient or family member I don't say anything because I want to respect their privacy and  in this woman's case, her grieving. As I walked away from her, I was humbled. Yes, working, parenting and marriage is so hard and it seems like it sometimes it is ALL hard. But, these things that stress the hell out of me, are also what make life worth living. Simply said, I need to get it the heck together. I am wishing the moments away and missing out on all that is truly important and really all I hold dear. That is no way to live. How do you fellow parents swing it? What keeps you sane and grounded?! HELP!