I love coffee but I may love half and half even more. I would rather have the real stuff in my coffee and forgo other goodies. I use it regularly in my coffee and so I have never worried about it going bad. At the beginning of last week I was sure I was coming down with the stomach flu. After I had my coffee I just felt off. All day this feeling continued. I even called Jeff and said that the way I was feeling was reminiscent of the horrible morning sickness I experienced with all three of my pregnancies. Jeff was horrified at even the mention of another baby which for all intensive purposes can not occur anyways. As the week went on I continued to make coffee and use my half and half and then feel sick. You would think at some point, EARLIER in the week, I would have put two and two together, that maybe the half and half was bad ,but nope! You see ,that's why I had to get off third shift, I walk around in a fog unable to discern that there was a direct correlation between the cream and feeling yuck. Finally, on Thursday, I thought, you know maybe it is the half and half? I took a smell and oh my lord..horrible. I can't believe it wasn't curdling in the coffee, that's how bad it was. I can't believe I never actually got sick and just felt nauseous.
I immediately threw away the container and bought some fresh half and half and you can bet I will be smelling that stuff everyday to check for freshness. This situation had me think about the healthy changes I have made to my diet since June. I am still doing my diet but admittedly was "off the rails" for a large portion of the holiday season. Amazingly I did not gain any weight and am continuing to lose, although if I would have stuck to the protocol of the diet, I would be at my goal weight by now! There were several times over this period of eating poorly that I have felt yucky. Ever since my surgery, if I eat too much sugar I have what I call, "blood sugar attacks." One of those attacks is exactly what caused me to become faint on my first day of work in the ER! You would think sustaining a concussion and stitches would make you realize that you need to fill your body with healthy fuel. But, as I continue on this journey, I am realizing that for me, eating healthy and making the right choices is a daily, sometimes minute to minute struggle. Once I go astray I tend to take the attitude of, "Well, to hell with it! Bring on the queso!" The metaphor of the creamer resonated with me because I literally felt horrendous when I was putting something "bad" in my body and as soon as I figured it out there was NO way I would have ever had another cup of coffee with that creamer in it. Yet, when I eat other "bad" foods, I justify it.
I met with my weight loss coach last week and felt encouraged and proud of myself for getting it together enough post holidays that I am down overall. I am motivated to push on to my goal weight by May. I have my fortieth and Spring Break as well as my cousin's wedding to keep me motivated and my eyes on the prize. Mostly,I think that realizing and owning that it will always be a struggle for me to do the right then when it comes to food, is my biggest accomplishment. I realize without changing how my brain thinks about it all, my actions will go back to what I have known my whole life.
Of course there are many life metaphors in all of this too. To take each day one day at a time. To learn from my mistakes and realize what is "bad" and what is "good" and just how much is in your life? What are you doing that is adding value? What am I doing that is detrimental to me? To seek to make the best decisions I can, to give myself some grace, and sometimes to realize I am doing the best I can and that is all anyone can really do.