Friday, January 02, 2015

Obligatory New Year's post

Well, it is 2015. As I laid in bed ALL DAY yesterday, I periodically would check in on FB and see many of my friend's posts about what a good, bad, or in between year 2014 had been for themselves and their families. I always get a little blue on New Year's Day. The anticipation and fun of Christmas is over. While there is something to be said for anticipating a new year, the first few weeks seem like a lot of work (getting all the Christmas stuff put away, getting the house in order, getting back into our sports/school routines).
There were lots of wonderful things about 2014, but there are certainly things that I am glad to leave behind. I hope in 2015 to incorporate an attitude of gratitude. I am very much a person who always is considering what I don't have. If only I had this or that than everything else would fall into place. What good does that do? This morning I posted a quote on FB that really speaks to how I am feeling about this all.
"No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it. The treasure we seek requires no lengthy expedition, no expensive equipment, no superior aptitude or special company. All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are."
~Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World

I have long been a fan of the blog by Glennon Melton's, "Momastery". Glennon has so many terrific insights into living the life you have been given. Lately she has been re-posting blog posts that were most popular. One of her best posts, in my opinion, is her post about the truths and lies we believe about marriage. While much of what she writes about applies to the struggles that occur within a marriage, a lot of it speaks to the struggle some of us have to accept who we really have become. The person I was at 25 is not at all near the person I have become at nearly 40. I realized in 2014 that much of my struggles are directly related to wishing I was more like the person I imagined I would be. I feel like a failure in so many ways. I just recently accepted that this longing to be a person I never will be is destroying me in so many ways. Embracing who I have become, shortcomings and all, is what I intend to do in 2015. Continuing to work on myself, my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, just as I am. I am not saying that I am "throwing in the towel" on the many areas in which I could use improvement, no. I simply desire to stop wanting to be someone I am not.

We have so much to look forward to in 2015. A trip to Florida in March, the kids first plane ride, a family wedding in New York in May, my 40th birthday, and I am sure many more memories that will make 2015 terrific. I am hopeful that a year from now I can not only write about all the fun we had in 2015 but also that I was able to become more comfortable in my own skin in 2015. That I embrace who I am at 39/40 and leave my 25 year old self back where she belongs, in the past!
Happy New Year, friends. 

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