Thursday, April 15, 2010

losing my mind

That is how I been feeling lately. I have been in really dark,dark place with parenting and especially with dealing with Caroline. Caroline is sweet and loving but she is perhaps the most strong willed child I have ever known, and I have known some doosies! IN dealing with her I have seen myself become completly unglued, unnerved, frazzled and plain insane. It all came to a head last week when a combination of factors led me to have a mini breakdown. I joke about it but it was very scary and I literally wanted to get in the car and drive away. Not a nice feeling to have.
So, instead of just giving up and living with this constant feeling of dread of having to mother for another minute, I decided to do something. To call a therapist, for myself and for Caroline. To be determined to do some serious soul searching and seriously commit to being a better person for myself and in turn my children. I am sure there will be moments again where I want to throw in the towel but where would that get any of us?
I share this not for pity's sake but for any of you out there who also stuggle with the grind and wear of parenting, especially a more difficult child...I feel your pain. Just wanted someone to know how it feels from this side of the keyboard..