Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Heavy Heart

That is how I am feeling tonight..the trip to Chicago went pretty good. Although, it was really hard to see that my mom's disease has taken a toll on her muscles. Its really weird..she has problems with her proximtal muscles,which are where your muscles meet up with other sets of muscles. So, she can't pick the kids up or hold them really. She has a lot of trouble getting her legs into a car. Its like the are paralyzed. She has to literally pick them up and put them into position. But, thankfully, she can walk and climb stairs. Her medicine has also had a lot of crappy side affects like a horrible mouth sore that isn't healing and losing lots of hair and growing hair in areas you don't want hair. Her spirits seem better than when we had her party but she is definetly not herself. The kids had fun there..but I realized how much I relied on my mom to help me in the past for sure. Matthew loved the children's museum I took him to so all in all it was a good trip, just different.

When I got home I checked the Bucks blog and my heart just really aches for them and especially for Josh. I can't imagine the irritation he must feel daily. I was telling a friend that I spend so much time thinking about him during the day and wishing that I had a magic wand to make it all "better". As, I read Shelly's post and then immediately spoke to my mom who had some more discouraging and dissapointing news about our family friend who is recently divorced I felt annoyed with God. Kind of like.." YOu have the magic can make these people's lives better..DO IT!!" I then went to small group and vented about some of the things I was feeling and that helped. But, as I drove home I defintely felt like instead of feeling just sad for these people, I need to pray specifically for the hardships they face and the struggles the so graciously admit to having! Me feeling bad for my friend or Josh doesn't serve any purpose and getting angry with God certainly doesn't. But, specific, daily prayer can!

My heart is already lighter!

1 comment:

Jamie & Heather said...

I totally understand how you feel about wishing God would just wave his hand and heal our loved ones.

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.